But no, seriously, I'm back, and I just want to mention since my recent sudden departure at the beginning of last month, I'm feeling so much better mentally.
I'm sorry for leaving so suddenly after just returning the last time, but it was for the best that I did, and here's why.
I'm not going to deny that the last couple months (roughly since May, I would say) I was slowly turning into a cock, and I was oblivious to it until it finally hit me in the head. I was looking at myself the past couple months and noticed I was getting irritated way too easily, my sense of humor was dissapearing and I thought I was fine, to which I was oblivious to that I wasn't (I mean, the fact that I had thoughts of strangling a dog and the fact that I spit on a guy's car because "I felt like it" when I was SUPER ****** one day showed my personality was pretty much going South).
But anyway, the reason I left so suddenly was because of a personal heat moment I had on the Muppetcentral discord. I'm not going to give a full story on what happened, but what I will say is I attacked another member out of my own selfishness (at the worst possible time, too), becauae I was under the impression I was being harrased, a picture was being painted on me and my voice wasn't being heard, to which it was my own ignorant assumptions and was banned as a result. After having a long discussion with everyone who was involved, it was a wake up call that I was becoming a monster. Like, this is basically how I saw myself that day.
Honestly I was really embarrassed and ashamed of myself that day. Not only because of how I acted, but I had alot of thoughts racing around in my head that day from everything that was happening to me this year that I wanted to commit suicide, but I just told myself no and slept it off. My friend Jeff almost ended up calling the cops but was too tired (it was midnight when he saw my message). I'm glad he didn't, because, while he did the right thing choosing to call them, the cops were the last groups of people I wanted to talk to at that time.
Anyway, so I decided to take an entire month off to clear my head because I was dealing with so much **** this year that it didn't give me any time to breathe. I was slowly losing trust in people because month after month since March, I've had to distance myself from people or cut ties with them because I was dealing with alot of fake friends. Fake friends that lied to me, took advantage of me, talked badly about me and my other good friends behind our backs and play the victim when they get called out for it, and ones who believe they're better than you with everything and if your opinion offends them, they have to have a mob come and attack you as a result. And it really hurt having to make these sacrifices, because some of these former friends of mine I once looked up to as family and knew for years. It takes time for wounds like that to heal. I feel like when I cut ties with them, it's almost like their toxicity was absorbing into my blood, and I wasn't aware of it.
What was also really stressing me out was my job. I haven't been to work physically since May, because my boss has been super busy building his new backup mobile for their business (which I don't blame him, given that it's broken down this year and someone also stabbed a hole in one of the tires. Because, you know, Boston, right?
) But anyway, it was a shame, because coming to work was so theraputic for me. It helped with my stress of when I cut ties with my former friend Danny after he basically ruined his own life trying to send out drugs to Mr. Trump and his family, it helped when I was dealing with the stress of that crappy state of the world thread, and it helped when I cut ties with my former friend Patrick that I knew for 10 years. But it got to the point where I was stuck working at home to the point where my job was basically becoming non existent that I was only hearing from my boss like once a month. I was stressed on deciding if I should stay and just be patient or quit. And all that stress, along with dealing with more fake friends, was slowly putting bad thoughts in my head since I was pretty much suffering from cabin fever (I could barely get out of the house anymore). Which brings me to this point.
I just want to mention a few updates on what's been going on in my life while I was taking my break.
1. I've now officially quit my job. I already told this to
@ConsummateVs and
@Froggy Fool via Deviantart/discord, but I was tired of waiting around and needed to move on with my life. This already happened once at the beginning of this year and I was tired of having to wait around again. I knew this was going to be tough, so I took advantage of it on my break so I could clear my head of having to leave a really great job (I could feel my eyes getting wattery when I was writing up my 2 week notice) while also clearing my head from dealing with so much fake people. My boss was a little concerned, but he understood where I was coming from and he let me do one last project for him. I really miss working there, but at least I know I did alot of good work and can now put it on my resume.
2. I've been taking alot of people out of my life. I decided to take advantage of taking unnecessary people out of my life who just seem like they're still stuck in high school. I haven't felt happier since.
3. Not really necessary but I feel like sharing anyway, I got a new vaporizer after I ****** up my old one. (Woop Woop!) But I do want to mention, and maybe this is just my own paranoia, but I'm not going to bring up weed stuff anymore cause I feel like some of you were getting pretty annoyed with it (and if any of you were, I'm sorry).
But anyway, I'd like to give a personal apology to
@Old Thunder,
@Bliffenstimmers,
@Froggy Fool,
@gavry3,
@Pig's Laundry and everyone else that was involved who aren't members on this site (including the member I attacked) for lashing out on them, and again to
@Old Thunder and
@Bliffenstimmers for abusing their discord. You guys had every right to ban me, and honestly I don't blame you. I'm also not going to deny that I was being a real cock that day, nor am I going to deny that my behavior was unnacceptable
(I really want to just go back in time and slap myself in the face for how I acted that day).
I also would like to give one to
@BlakeConor14 for dissing his discord and not giving him a chance. You look like you're really trying your best now, and I respect you for that.
While I'm at it, I also would like to give one to
@MikaelaMuppet for acting like a cock to her when she just asked a question (it was when
@Sgt Floyd chewed me out that day) and one to
@ConsummateVs for acting like a cock to her when she rebuttled my joke of :typinglikethis: (just a little random but small backstory, that was actually an old joke an old friend who also turned out to be really fake used to do for trolling humor).
But anyway, I just hope we can put the past in the past and focus on the present. The old mischievous/goofy Jerry is back (the nasty bitter side of me is gone and I hope stays gone).
On some more positive notes, tomorrow is the day I'm going to Granite Con to meet Caroll and Steve. I will be sure to post pictures afterwards!
I've also been watching the 2015 muppet series (finally), and will post my reviews for each episode one day at a time.
Just want to say it feels really nice to be back after taking some time off and I feel much more refreshed and anew.
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