Spring Forward: A Dinosaurs' Tale

[ZeppoAndFriends]

You KILLED Robbie!

 

[RedPiggy]

[Fade-in. Robbie sits on a stool in a dark gray interrogation room with no windows. Only one rectangular fluorescent light illuminates the room. A small light wooden table separates Robbie from a small seat across from him. There is a large mirror behind him that stretches nearly the entire length of the wall. An athletic balding black-haired Caucasian male, dressed in a blue shirt with a black tie and black slacks, sits in the chair. He has a leather gun holster draped around his shoulder. He leans against the back of the chair just staring at Robbie for several moments as Robbie nervously taps his feet on the floor, his arms on the table. Robbie has trouble maintaining eye contact.]

Robbie: Mr. Stabler, sir? May I please go now? I don’t really belong here.

Stabler (yes, that Stabler, from Law and Order: SVU): Here’s an idea: *leans forward with a smirk* why don’t you tell me what you’re doing here.

Robbie (shrugs, anxious): I’m just trying to get to college!

Stabler: You know very well that’s not what I mean. Why are you here, on Earth?

Robbie (voice continues to get more anxious): Don’t you humans have anything better to think about? I was born here! You were born here! Why does everyone keep asking how we got here?

Stabler: Then why don’t you have a birth certificate? Your kind don’t believe in paperwork?

Robbie (slaps hands on the table, standing, becoming angry): I was born over sixty million years ago! You keep your paperwork that long? I’m not supposed to be here! You’re not supposed to be here! Your precinct is in New York! Why are you even in Oregon? *overturns his stool with a kick* Why am I being interrogated with stupid questions by some fictional TV detective?

Stabler (climbs over the table and shoves Robbie against the mirror, growling): You think I care what a little slimy punk like you thinks of me, uh? You think I go home at night just agonizing about if I hurt your poor widdle feelings? *starts punching Robbie in the chest* Now tell me how you got here!

Robbie (growling, trying unsuccessfully to push Stabler away): Your momma!

Stabler (grins): Ooooh! *shoves Robbie to the ground and starts kicking him in the stomach*

Robbie (coughing): You’re hurting me!

Stabler (voice becomes more like Spike’s): Don’t be such a whiny baby, Scootah.

Robbie (puzzled): What?

Stabler (punches Robbie in the face, his voice definitely Spike’s): I said snap out of it, Scootah! Yer drippin’ all ovah my jacket!

[The scene around Robbie transitions as he sits up to the shore of the lake. Spike is standing over him as the other Scavengers help him put on his jacket. Zondra stands to the right of the frame, staring at Robbie with mouth slightly agape. Robbie and Spike are dripping water.]

Robbie (coughs): What happened?

Zondra (quietly): That guy waylaid you and threw you into the lake. Don’t you know how to swim?

Spike (finishes getting his jacket on, to Zondra with a smirk): Don’t be too hard on him, Peaches.

Zondra (silently mouths, offended): “Peaches”?

Spike (nods towards Robbie): Scootah here can’t swim if he ain’t conscious. Kid’s got a skull as fragile as a Fabergé egg.

Robbie (to Spike, puzzled): You saved me? When? I don’t remember you jumping into the water after me.

Spike (chuckles): Well, dis movie’s already busted up da budget jus’ drownin’ ya. *shrugs* Didn’t make sense ta bankrupt everyone jus’ ta show my … *grins with delight* … naked form jumping heroically in da water ta save da hero. *shrugs* ‘Sides, what was yer problem, anyway? Dey musta jumbled up yer brain cells bad dis time.

Robbie (holding his head with one hand as he gets up, groaning): I think I’ve been watching too many crime drama marathons. *shudders, looks up at Spike, nodding once* Spike? Uh, thanks.

Spike (bemused): De nada, Scootah.

Robbie (shakes head): No, I have to say this. I’m … I’m sorry. I’ve been kind of a jerk lately and it wasn’t right to take it out on you. I let my own confusion about my changed circumstances break the bonds of friendship.

Crazy Lou and Scabby (glance at each other with amusement)

Spike (smirks): Jus’ don’t let it happen again. Only way yer gonna survive in da world, in any time period, is ta realize life ain’t all sunshine an’ daffodils.

Robbie (sighs, looking at Zondra): But the modern world isn’t all bad, either.

Spike (sarcastically): Right. An’ I suspect da furball dat t’rew you in da lake was jus’ makin’ polite conversation?

Robbie: But he’s a criminal! *points to Zondra* Zondra – is life good or bad?

Zondra (thinks for a minute, then shrugs): Hey, I’m the wrong woman to talk to. I live according to the precept that family fun is a desperate delusion to shield children from the harsh realities of life. My group was dedicated to tarnishing the goody-goody image that has destroyed families with unrealistic morality.

Spike (gawks at her, then glances at Robbie): ‘Ey, Scootah – you datin’ dis chick?

Robbie: No!

Spike (grins): Can I have her?

 

[Fragglemuppet]

Spike and Robbie are on good terms again, yay! Or at least, as good as they ever were. You know, as perverse as Zondra may be, her assessment of Robbie's flaws were correct, and I'm glad Robbie figured thatout.

 

[ZeppoAndFriends]

YEAH! You DIDN'T kill Robbie!

I liked the joke he made about being interrogated by a fictional TV detective.

P.S. Could someone slap Zondra upside the head? She needs it!

 

[RedPiggy]

I had been DYING to do an in-joke regarding Christopher Meloni, aka Stabler/Spike. It's just taken me this long to figure out how. I never intended to kill off Robbie. I need him for later, LOL.

 

[RedPiggy]

[The scene cuts to the interior of the Oregon Museum of Science and Industry. Subtitle in the lower left corner: The Next Day. Earl and Fran walk away from a ticket counter. Humans and Muppets are busily chatting and taking pictures of Earl and Fran.]

Earl (shoos away a visitor with a cellphone camera): Jeez, Fran – we haven’t even been in this culture a year and you wanna slap us on television?

Fran (happily poses for another photographer): What would you prefer, Earl – desperately seeking fame over a decade after the initial celebrity buzz? That’s not smart – that’s just pathetic. Think of all the benefits we could give to the modern world: a unique perspective of the pros and cons of civilization, information regarding the true nature of the Paleolithic world ….

Earl (finds the Science Store, nodding): Shameless plastic trinket merchandise … *picks up some rocks* … ooh, pretty! *elbows a frustrated Fran* I was just saying how we needed some more rocks in our living room.

Fran (curtly): Earl, you could at least try to sound interested.

Earl: Fran, we’re here to find Roy. My friendship is far more important than your little flights of fancy.

Fran (growls as he walks off)

[The scene cuts to Roy, who is standing in the middle of a throng of visitors near the Samson exhibit, which is a fossil skeleton display of a Tyrannosaurus rex. The visitors are hanging on his every word.]

Roy: Now, den dere was da time dat my buddy Earl an’ I found a valley full o’ cavemen --.

Male Visitor: Humans didn’t exist at the time of dinosaurs.

Roy (nods): You’d t’ink dat due to da poor fossil record. However, considerin’ I was dere --.

Male Visitor: Personal anecdotes aren’t the same as verifiable evidence. Besides, how do we know you’re not just some pathetic guy in a suit working for a desperate museum?

Roy: Wanna see my intestines? *spots Earl* Oh, hey, Pally-boy! Ovah here!

Earl (waves): It’s about time! Where have you been?

Roy: I’ve found a new home. I’m a famous celebrity here! Dis country’s just full o’ fans o’ T-rexes! People like me no matter what I say.

Male Visitor: I don’t.

Earl (grabs Visitor by the throat): Perhaps you’d enjoy the wiles of a mighty megalosaurus! *throws visitor across the exhibit hall, to Roy* Now, you were saying?

Roy: T’anks for gettin’ rid o’ dat guy.

Earl (pats Roy on the back): What’re friends for?

Visitors (applaud and express appreciation)

Earl (nods to the visitors): Yeah, yeah, yeah … don’t you people have somewhere else to be?

Female visitor: I guess we could go over to that convention the North American Society of Tinkerers is having.

Earl: So, scram! Get out of our faces, you pimple-faced, putrid pile of paparazzi!

Fran (spies a poster advertising the convention): Earl, maybe we should go.

Earl (shakes head): There is nothing a bunch of spindly geeks can tell me that holds any interest for me.

 

[ZeppoAndFriends]

How would Roy show the guy his intestines?

And Earl's tounge tiwster was pretty funny.

*Twiddles thumbs whilst waiting for more*

 

[RedPiggy]

Roy was threatening that he'd eat the guy. He's very slow to threaten anyone, so this was his first not-so-nice comment toward someone else. I guess I could've made that clearer, but Roy's not the brightest bulb anyway.

 

[ZeppoAndFriends]

Roy was threatening that he'd eat the guy. He's very slow to threaten anyone, so this was his first not-so-nice comment toward someone else. I guess I could've made that clearer, but Roy's not the brightest bulb anyway.

That explains it. I've never seen an episode with Roy in excess, so I don't know much about him.

(And I just realized that I misspelled 'twister' in my last post. )

 

[RedPiggy]

[Flip transition to the Earth Hall. Bunsen and Beaker can be seen talking to some photographers in front of a giant globe, upon which is projected images of humans. Above each portrait is the title “NAST Trailblazers”. The first portrait is of “Doc” Jerome Christian from Fraggle Rock, the second is Sir David Tushingham from Dinosaurs, the third is Maria and Luis from Sesame Street, the fourth is Dr. Hugo Krassman from Kermit’s Swamp Years, the fifth is Taminella from The Frog Prince, and the sixth is Pops from The Muppet Show. The scene cuts next to Digit and Zondra from The Jim Henson Hour doing a presentation on holograms in the Light and Color Exhibit of Turbine Hall. Waldo, also from the Jim Henson Hour, can be seen flying around, making visitors laugh. The scene cuts next to the Nanotechnology exhibit of the Life Science Hall, where Dr. Strangepork from The Muppet Show and Dr. Phil van Neuter from Muppets Tonight are arguing as nanobots start to break out of a jar, making everyone scream and run off. The scene cuts back to Bunsen and Beaker, who patiently wait as a bunch of reporters gather, as well as Earl, Fran, Roy, and Robbie. Earl seems irritated and bored. Fran is earnestly intrigued. Roy seems in a trance watching the video projection. Robbie is shaking his hands with fans.]

Muppet Newsman (to Bunsen and Beaker): Recently there has been an influx of dinosaurs in the state of Oregon. What are your thoughts about the situation?

[The scene cuts to Richfield in his office, watching a small television. He is watching the footage of the NAST convention. The camera stays with Richfield as we see Bunsen and Beaker answer on his TV set.]

Bunsen (unsure of where to begin): Well, you see --.

Beaker: Mee mee mee. Mee mee moo mee.

Bunsen (nods): Yes, Beaker and I have been working on a research project to determine the state of nature before modern technology.

Mr. Hopper (enters Richfield’s office smugly)

Richfield (hushes him and continues to watch with renewed interest)

Robbie (raises hand): As representative of the dinosaurian society rescued by your research, I would just like to offer our gratitude.

Richfield (snaps a pencil in his fingers)

Mr. Hopper (chuckles)

Roy (whispers to Fran): When did we vote Robbie Elder in Chief?

Bunsen (to Robbie, nodding): Oh, you’re quite welcome! We are fascinated by how things turned out.

Beaker (nods): Mee mee mee mee.

Bunsen (pats Beaker on the back): Yes, if it hadn’t been for our attempts to open a window into the past, none of this would ever have happened.

Muppet Newsman: Would you please explain what you mean by “window”?

Bunsen: We were inspired by the video game Dino Crisis, where a scientist tried to see the world as it once was.

Robbie (slightly off put): But, sir – the doctor in that game was making your typical sci-fi over-powered weapons, with the unintended consequence of tearing a hole through spacetime and allowing dinosaurs to enter the modern world and humans to end up in the ancient world.

Bunsen (to Beaker, shrugging): I suppose we should have played the entire thing, or at least checked the plot on Wikipedia.

Beaker (nods): Meemee.

Richfield (trembling with anger as he turns off the television)

Mr. Hopper (chuckles, leans back in his chair): I guess now you dinos understand now why we get a little irritated when people go diggin’ around our pasts. Bein’ somethin’ special gives our lives meanin’. *grins* I reckon it’d make us right irritated to find out we were only on this planet due to some geek’s science project.

Richfield (stares at the television’s blank screen, trying to keep his voice under control): At least … we … are recognized … as the pinnacle of life … we are.

Mr. Hopper (shakes his head): Were.

Richfield (glares at Mr. Hopper): It beats … *smirks* … learning you were just fleas on our backs, a minor irritation, nothing more. Coming from dirt would’ve been a step up for you.

Mr. Hopper (laughs): Touché, Mr. Richfield. But the reason I’m here --.

Richfield (his tone deadly, as well as the music score): I don’t think your business plan meets my expectations.

Mr. Hopper (clears his throat, trying to remain confident looking): I do believe I detect a hint of a threat, Mr. Richfield. You’re only in this office because we humans permit it. The same with all them Muppets – they’re just props we allow to run around for our amusement. They’re cheap and easy to please, nothing more. Now, you be a good little boy an’ sign off on my deal, or you’ll wish you’d stayed frozen in a pile o’ snow.

Richfield (suddenly smiles, clasping his hands together): You got spine, Hopper. I find it admirable, in its own, amateurish way. Let me explain a little something about me. I got where I am because I ate my boss, as he ate his boss before him. When we backstab others, there’s actually a horn, claw, or knife stuck in someone’s latissimus dorsi. You humans have been sucking off the gravy train for far too long. You couldn’t cut it when we were top of the food chain, and you’ll find you can’t cut it now.

Mr. Hopper (stands): It must really get your goat that for all that pretty little speech you’ve been giving me, the fact remains a threat is a threat and you’ll be in prison faster’n you can blink – or shot down in a hail of bullets. Your pick. You’ll find we’re superior because civilization is only useful in the hands of humanity. You tried it and blew yourselves to Kingdom Come. Meanwhile, we’re rakin’ in all the dough.

Richfield (chuckles as the music stops, kicking his desk across the room, pinning Hopper to the wall, standing and stretching with a yawn)

Mr. Hopper (gurgling in shock): Y-y-you can’t --.

Richfield (swats the desk away, shattering it, grabbing Hopper by the neck and lifting him up to the ceiling): Your species is a spoiled teenager under the delusion of invulnerability – and I’m just the adult on hand to teach all of you what being alpha male is.

[Fade-out as a snap is heard.]