And finally, here's a Monday update on a Saturday! Two days ahead or two weeks late. Let's think of it as ahead, k?
With twenty minutes to spare before their appointed hour, the quintessential quintet arrived at the offices of Sterling Howard, Attorney at Law. For a group that normally geared their craft to that of entertaining, it was surprising how many of them had needed to consult the opinion of a lawyer.
Even stranger than that was that usually, these were criminal lawyers.
Kermit’s personal chauffer of the 80’s robot had driven the group to literal tears as he quoted and made homages to that of the popular culture of the 1980’s. Piggy, who had been sitting in the backseat, least she be near the bot, had even asked Gonzo for his tie just so she could strangle the thing if it didn’t shut up. She completely understood the reasoning behind Scooter wanting to dismantle the thing and she had half a mind to let the boy genius do it.
The offices of Sterling Howard were located in a posh commercial roundabout that consisted of other high end businesses – the strip contained a variety of different attorneys, though on the ends could be spotted a tanning salon, a beauty salon, and that of an insurance agency. Luckily, there weren’t that many people visiting a lawyer on a Friday afternoon, which gave the group the perfect opportunity to park right in front of the office building.
Getting out of the car, Fozzie couldn’t mention the absence of Scooter again, his agitation and worry only heightened by the fact that the younger Muppet wasn’t among them. Kermit was set to relieve the bear’s fears – and his own – when he heard Piggy state that their boy wonder had just entered the parking lot.
One of Scooter’s presents to himself while working at Google was that of a sporty new Mini Cooper S Hardtop. While Scooter had been very privilege, his uncle had taught him the importance of money and the importance of not wasting it; since he had been a child, Scooter hadn’t been too big on spending a ton of money on things unless he really thought he deserved it.
And replacing his beat up car that he been riding in for over ten years was something he thought he needed and deserved.
Mini Cooper wasn’t even that spectacular, he thought, compared to some of the cars he had seen around the state of California and that of Hollywood in general. Trimmed in midnight black with quirky designs on the side, Scooter had gone with the very basic of packages, with the exception of making sure that his navigational systems were the top of technology.
Driving up into the parking lot, he packed his car next to that of the brown colored sedan, turned off the engine, and stepped out. Just as he had told the others, Scooter was dressed for success, wearing a three piece tan suit, black patent leather shoes, and black tie to match. Removing the darker shades he wore whenever he drove, he placed them in their holder before dropping it on the front seat and pulling the regular pair of glasses he normally wore.
“Well,” Gonzo laughed. “Look who got all dressed up for the party.”
“Likewise,” the page replied, waving at the impecibly dressed stuntman. “You let Camilla dress you this time?”
“I’ll tell you the same thing I told the others…”
“Please don’t,” Kermit sighed. Nodding to his assistant, he asked, “Ready to do this?”
“As I’ll ever be,” Scooter sighed. “Sterling knows what I’m planning to do; I only hope he doesn’t plan on talking me out of it.”
“Why would he?” asked the bear as the group made their way towards the door.
“He’s loyal to my uncle,” Scooter replied. “He obviously is trying to look out for me, but only for my uncle’s sake and not mine.”
The offices of Sterling Howard were relatively big, allowing for a large reception room, complete with receptionist desk and area that provided coffee. Leather chairs were available to seat at least five and the assistant allowed for the others to take those seats while he spoke with the receptionist, giving her his name and expecting to meet Howard at the appointed time.
As he suspected, the receptionist wasted no time in calling her boss through the intercom, having been trained that anyone with the last name of Grosse was to be seen immediately.
And the group didn’t have to wait long, as a human male came out of his office, obviously excited to see the group or at least Scooter. He was of average height, with dark hair that was greying at the temples. “Drew baby!” he exclaimed, seeing his young charge. “I heard you wanted to see him and here you are! And you brought friends! Any friend of Andy’s is a friend of mine! Come on in!”
The group hadn’t missed the way Scooter had grimaced at the introduction nor the way he seemed to drag himself through the doorway.
Sterling Howard’s office was everything you expected for a corporate lawyer’s office to be, complete with small basketball hoop in the corner, at which a Nerf ball sat at its stand. Black leather chair sat behind a large oak desk that held a few pictures, a phone, and several electronic devices, including a smartphone, a tablet, and a laptop.
“Have a seat,” Sterling replied, waving to the chairs that had been placed in front of his desk before taking a seat himself. “When Andy gave me that call the other day, I had to admit I was a little worried; I thought something horrible had happened, just to find out that he’s making an acquisition. I knew some of Johnny had rubbed off on you!”
“It’s not an acquisition,” Scooter protested. “I told you that, Sterling.”
“That’s not what Petey’s saying.”
“Yeah, well, Pete’s an idiot.”
Sterling laughed hard at that. “Ain’t that the truth?” he chuckled. “Old Pete’s an associate of ours, handles some of the Grosse affairs, you know. Most of the time the lights are on, but no one’s home, you get me?” The others nodded or chuckled, in order to just polite.
“Speaking of home,” h e continued. “Guess who just came home for a visit.”
“I don’t know.”
“My daughter Jessica. You remember her, don’t you Andy?”
“No particularly.”
“Oh you gotta,” Howard insisted. “She certainly remembers you. Remember? You tutored her in science. Little Jessie?”
“Not ringing any…” Scooter started, his tone of voice already annoyed and irritated. Sterling Howard had been trying to set him up with each of his four daughters for years, despite the fact that they either had no interest in him or he had no interest in them.
“Oh wait,” he said. “Did she have braces? Wore pink a lot?”
“That’s her,” Sterling replied, reaching over and turning one of his picture frames around so that they could see what the girl looked like now. The picture held a pretty brunette who was dressed in a rather scandalous black cocktail dress; her waist and hips were slim, but the same thing couldn’t be said about her bust, which seem to need a picture all by itself.
Needless to say, the males in the room couldn’t help but be appreciative.
“She’s…certainly grown up,” Scooter whispered.
“And out,” Gonzo whispered to Piggy, whom he sat to the right off. Both couldn’t help but chuckle at the joke, but managed to compose themselves once Kermit threw a look their way.
“That’s my baby girl,” Howard replied with pride. “Should give her a call, Drew baby, take her out, have a good time. Young kid like you should be out and about.”
“Right,” the page nodded. He always hated having to speak to and spend time with the lawyer. “Back on topic, Sterling…”
“Right, the acquisition…”
“Share expansion,” Scooter corrected. “This is not an acquisition. That makes it sound as though I’m taking over the studios and I’m not.”
“Sure, baby, sure,” Sterling said, winking at the Muppet. “As I said on the phone, you just need to sign the paperwork and I’ll get the ball rolling. No worries, Drew sweetheart. Hey, I got a racquetball game tomorrow, you in?”
“Sterling, can we be a little professional here?”
“Alright, alright,” the lawyer said, holding his hands up in surrender. “I didn’t realize you were serious about this, Andy.”
“Listen, Mr. Howard,” Kermit interrupted. “This is primarily my fault; there has to be a reasonable way in which we can split Scooter’s shares between the six of us.”
“Well, Mr. The Frog,” Sterling began. “I guess we could a silent partnership if that’s what you all want.”
“It is,” Scooter said.
“Fine, fine,” Howard said. “But Andy – and no disrespect to you fine Muppets. My kids love you! – partnerships sucks. Even if you go silent on all of this, that’s still a 100% share divided by six; not a good deal in my opinion. What you should be doing is an acquisition, like we’ve been telling you for weeks now.
“Your uncle left you that lot and everything on it and true, it’s yours to do whatever you want, but think about this, Andy; you break up this company like this and you may never get it back. Now, heaven forbid one of these five were to do something stupid –“
Everyone did their very best to not look at Kermit.
“Now you’ve got bad press on you and you don’t want that,” Howard continued. “I’m just looking out for you, Drew baby. Now here’s what I’ll do – I’ll get the papers drawn up for an acquisition. If you want you can tell the papers it’s a merger, that way it doesn’t look like you’re kicking the frog off his own lot.”
“Gee thanks,” Kermit muttered.
“No offence there, Kermit,” Howard maintained. “But let’s look at the real picture here. Andy here is a corporate billionaire; we gotta make sure this looks good in the press. We don’t want people to think that he’s on the brink; trust me, it’s not good to the stockholders, you know.”
“Alright, that’s it,” Scooter replied, standing from his chair in a huff. For years, he had to sit and take all of the ‘helpful’ advice that his uncle’s people had given him and quite frankly, he was tired of it. That was one of the reasons he hadn’t met everyone at the house.
Scooter’s morning started with him driving over to one the lawyers for Google before seeking out Robert ‘Mase’ Mason, his own lawyer. In both cases, they both advised that he step up and finally take his rightful position as heir to the Grosse fortune. He had been avoiding since his uncle’s death, not really knowing what was going on with the businesses and properties that he now currently owned and ran.
“In case you have forgotten, Mr. Howard,” he began. “My uncle is dead; you and the rest of my uncle’s butt kissing lackeys work for me now. And if I say I want to split my share of Muppet Studios with five other people, then you had better figure out how to get that accomplished.
“I pay you, Sterling, to make sure that the businesses and assets that my uncle accumulated before his death are in good standing and are making money the way they should. In any case, you answer to me, and if you don’t like it, you are more than happy to leave. I guarantee you I can find better people to represent me and my interests than you.”
If the other five Muppets were surprised by Scooter’s actions, it was nothing compared to the look and shock that was displayed on Sterling Howard’s face. Truthfully, he had really never paid the bespectacled Muppet a second glance; he obviously didn’t have the same business inclinations that his uncle did and really, why would he want to hang out with someone like that anyway?
It was only upon JP’s death that Howard realized he’d have to make friends with the little nerd, as he was the central head controlling the businesses.
“Come on, you guys,” Scooter continued. “Obviously, Mr. Howard is unable and unwilling to help us with our request.”
“Wait, wait!” Howard exclaimed. “I was just kidding! Silent partnership? Sure, we can work that! No worries there, Drew baby! I’ll get the papers before you know it!”
“And that’s another thing,” the page continued, looking directly at the lawyer. “My friends call me Scooter and if I really like you, you could probably call me Andrew. But seeing as you don’t fit into any of those two categories, you will address me as Mr. Grosse and only as Mr. Grosse. I am not Andy or Drew baby or even Drew sweetiepie. Understood?”
“Yes…yes sir, Mr. Grosse, sir.”
The others began to stand and file out, though Piggy fought hard to not let a smirk register on her face.
“I want those papers in my office on Monday, Sterling.”
“Yes,” the lawyer. “Yes, of…of course Mr. Grosse.”
“And tell Jessie I may give her a call.”
“Sure.”
“It’s always a pleasure, Sterling,” Scooter replied, smiling. “See ya later.”
Once out in the reception room, Scooter sighed deeply. “I really hate coming here,” he muttered.
“Really?” Rowlf asked, smirking. “I hadn’t noticed.”
“I hope you haven’t caused more trouble for yourself,” the frog whispered.
“You heard me,” the page replied, shaking his head. “They’re working for me, whether they like it or not and if they don’t like it, they can go. I meant what I said; I have plenty of people who are smarter and have a lot more business savvy than these guys and they’re more than willing to help me out.”
Walking over to the receptionist, Scooter cleared his throat politely in order to get her attention. “Excuse me,” he began. “I hate to interrupt…”
“Oh!” she cried, realizing that the attractive Muppet was speaking to her. “No interruption, Mr. Grosse! Is there something I can help you with?”
“Actually, there is,” he replied, smiling at her shyly. “Could you make sure that Sterling gets that paperwork done for me? It’s kinda important and I hate to take time from you, but…”
“Oh, no worries, Mr. Grosse!” she giggled. “I’ll be sure to keep on him about it.”
“Hey Scooter,” Gonzo interrupted, giving the young girl a smile of his own. “That’s not cool, making her do extra work when I’m sure she has a ton to do already.”
“Well, that’s why I’m paid the minimum wage bucks.”
“Not’s that right,” Rowlf chuckled. “Beautiful girl like you should be rewarded for all the hard work you do around here.”
“Hey Andrew,” Gonzo asked. “Think the stage manager at the theatre would be nice enough to get this lovely lady a free ticket to our show next week?”
“I don’t see why not.”
“Really?” the girl piped up. She loved the Muppet Show! “I love your guys’ show! It’s so funny! Do you really think he could get me a ticket?”
“I will personally make sure of it,” Kermit said. “I have some sway at the theatre.”
“And if that doesn’t work,” Fozzie said. “Just ask for me and I’ll get you in.”
“Oh wow!” the girl gushed. “You guys are so nice! No worries, Mr. Grosse, I’ll make sure that Mr. Howard gets all the paperwork into by next week. I promise!”
The five males smiled at the young girl, causing her heart to nearly stop. “Alright boys,” Piggy replied. “You are disturbing this young woman’s work and I certainly would hate for her to get in trouble because of it. And I assure you, if she gets in trouble, you will be in trouble.”
“Quite right,” Kermit nodded. “Thanks a lot for your help.”
“You’re definitely welcome, Mr. Frog!”
The group said their goodbyes and headed out. “Laid it on a little thick, didn’t you?” asked Piggy.
“Sometimes the best defense is a good offense,” Scooter replied. “I thought you knew that.”
“Surprised you waited till the end there, Piggy,” Kermit said.
“Sometimes, Kermie,” Piggy began. “A master likes to see what her students have learned without interference.”
“So how’d we do, teach?” asked Rowlf.
“Not bad, gentlemen,” she said. “Though Gonzo, I thought you held back a little too much.”
“I’m not sure how I should take that.”
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