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What better day to post the 13th and final chapter of this story than Friday the 13th? So here's the wrap-up to...
*****
*****
It had been a long day of filming. Fun, but long. They had filmed all the extra bits that would go into the show—backstage scenes, reaction shots, and the like—and Janken had put all the usable footage together to send to the editors who would assemble it into a television episode. The Muppets plus Weird Al were now hanging out, recording ad-libbed gag scenes just for the heck of it with the traveling cameras, and generally messing around. Kermit thought that there would be no dearth of extras for this DVD.
The call Scooter had been waiting for came. He said into his cell phone, "Yeah. Out front? Be there in a moment." He put it away, then glanced around. "Hey, Beauregard, can you give me a hand?"
"Sure, Scooter!" The janitor applauded enthusiastically.
"Uh, thanks. Now, come with me. I need an extra pair of hands."
Bo followed obediently, saying, "But your jacket only has two sleeves."
*
Several minutes later Bo and Scooter returned carrying stacks of pizza boxes, cans of soda, and bottles of water. They began setting them out on whatever flat surfaces were available. Scooter didn't bother to call the others; by now they would be hungry and alert for the smell of food. True to form, before he opened the third box the first pizza was under attack.
Gonzo asked, "Did you get my special order?"
"Sure thing."
"Great! Thanks!" Gonzo looked around, then waved to Weird Al. "Hey! I got a pizza you'll really love. It's got eggs, spam, sausage, beans, spam, and spam!"
Al was impressed. Gonzo really had been going all out to make him feel at home. However... "I appreciate it, but, actually I'm a vegetarian."
"Really?" Gonzo said, surprised, then assured him, "Well, don't worry, we don't judge. In fact Janken's a vegetarian too. He's the purple guy over there. He'll know what's safe."
Janken, having heard his name and caught the end of the conversation, beckoned Al over. Al came over, saying, "We haven't met, have we?"
"No. I work the camera back there." He pointed across the stage to backstage left. "Pleased to meet you. I really enjoyed your songs."
"Thanks."
They each took a slice of a pizza that was liberally decorated with mushrooms, peppers, olives, tomatoes, and other garden produce. Janken said, "This pizza's actually vegan. The cheese isn't real. I hope that's okay."
Al assured him, "That's fine. I try to avoid dairy products too."
*
After everyone had helped themselves to pizza and drinks they went out to the audience area and sat. Scooter claimed two seats in the front. Once again footage was projected onto the dropcloth in front of the curtains. This time it was the opening theme. By the time they got to Gonzo's trumpet gag Janken had come back from the console and sat next to Scooter.
Everyone munched pizza as they watched the rough cut of the episode. Janken had strung the skits and backstage scenes together in the order they would appear on TV. Reaction shots, changes in camera angle, and other such complexities were not included; the professional editors would work all that into the final version. This was just to give them a preview.
Everyone was pleased. Even Janken had to laugh at himself on the screen. His out-of-control tail was funny, and Piggy had set the scene up so that he appeared to be more afraid of her than of performing onstage.
Scooter was happy. This was a show he'd wanted to do for a long time. Getting Weird Al had been a major coup, and he had been so much fun to work with. Everything on the screen looked great. It would start off their second TV season off with a bang.
When the last act finished everyone applauded. Kermit sat on the edge of the orchestra pit and said, "Wonderful job, everyone! And let's all hear it for our fantastic guest star, Weird Al Yankovic!"
All the Muppets turned toward Al and cheered, applauded, and otherwise expressed their approval. When he could make himself heard he said, "Thanks, everyone. I've been wanting to do this show ever since your check cleared."
There was general laughter. Kermit said, "And let's welcome Janken. He's been a Muppet since he joined us last year, but now he's a full-fledged cast member."
The other Muppets applauded and cheered for Janken. Gonzo started tapping his soda can on his chair arm and chanting, "We accept him, one of us! We accept him, one of us!"
The chant quickly spread. "Gooble gobble, gooble gobble, we accept him, we accept him, one of us, one of us!"
Janken's blush turned his normally purple face maroon. He stood and faced the rest of the Muppets, who were laughing and chanting. He was nervous, but told himself to fight it back. They were his friends. He had seen the movie they were quoting, and knew the proper response. He shouted in mock outrage, "You dirty...slimy...Muppets!"
That broke the chant up into laughter. Still blushing, he said, "Thanks, everybody. I'll do my best."
Fozzie said, "That's the spirit! And if ya mess up, mess up funny!"
"Thanks," Janken said again, and sat back down, still smiling. Scooter put his arm around his shoulders and gave him a one-sided hug.
After that everyone started chatting amongst themselves. Weird Al went to the front with his phone and said, "Kermit, would you mind saying hi to my daughter, Nina?"
"I'd be happy to," the frog replied.
Weird Al dialed. While he was waiting for an answer Gonzo felt someone tap his shoulder. He looked over and saw a face very similar to his own, but purple instead of blue and with a pointier nose. "Brian!"
The alien said, "Yep! Nobody answered the door, so I let myself in."
Billie, who was standing in the seat next to Gonzo, was staring wide-eyed at Brian, "Like daddy!" she exclaimed, pointing.
Gonzo agreed, "Yes. He's like me."
"I'm Billie!" she announced.
"Hi, Billie. I'm Brian," he answered, grinning.
"Hi, Brine!" she said.
Gonzo said to Brian, "Camilla and I made our decision. Um... want to come to our dressing room?"
"Sure."
"Just a minute." Gonzo picked Billie up and glanced around. Then he went up to the front. Miss Piggy was talking into Weird Al's phone. Gonzo waited until she signed off with a kissy-kissy and handed the phone to Fozzie, then said, "Miss Piggy, would you mind watching Billie for a minute?"
"Not at all," she said cheerfully.
"Piggy!" Billie exclaimed happily as Gonzo handed her over. Billie liked Piggy, and it was mutual. Miss Piggy had a maternal streak, and he liked to let her indulge it.
Camilla was already leading Brian to the dressing room she and Gonzo shared. When they were in Gonzo shut the door. Brian asked, "What did you decide?"
Gonzo put his arm around Camilla and said, "We talked about it. And, well, it would be nice to have another chick... but we don't think we'll take you up on your offer." Camilla nodded and clucked softly.
Surprised, Brian said, "Oh. Of course, that's your right, but mind if I ask why?"
Gonzo and Camilla exchanged glances. Gonzo said, "It seemed like Billie came along at just the right time, and, well, we're happy as a family. We don't really need another chick right now. Who knows, maybe we'll get lucky again when the time's right. But if we don't, well, that's fine."
Brian nodded understanding. "I understand. And the idea of having someone else make a kid for you kind of squicks you, doesn't it?"
Gonzo said, "Well, I wouldn't have said it that way," but Camilla nodded emphatically. Gonzo glanced at her. She clucked to him. He said, "We'd rather do it the usual way if we can."
Brian said, "It's all right, really. A lot of planet dwellers feel the same way. I'm not going to try to change your mind, but I want to tell you it's not creepy. We use science to gene-engineer babies, but we don't manufacture them. It's people who do the work, and people who care for the children before they're ready to hatch. It's not cold or impersonal at all. Heck, my parents were gene samples." He smiled. "I hope your luck strikes again. But if it doesn't, and you change your mind, the offer will still be open. I won't say anything more about it, so you tell me when and if."
"Okay," Gonzo said, a little relieved that the matter was resolved so simply.
*
When they returned Miss Piggy was singing Frère Jacques in a silly falsetto with Billie. Billie knew some of the lyrics, and filled in nonsense syllables. Scooter said to Kermit, "Boss, I had an idea."
"Will it hurt or cost a lot?"
"No, not at all," Scooter said. "I've been lurking on some message boards and reading the feedback on the live show. It's been really good! But some people have been saying they miss the backstage stuff they see on TV."
Kermit agreed, "I know. But there's no way to do that during a live show."
"Well..."
Kermit knew Scooter well enough to recognize this approach. "Unless you have an idea."
"I did have a few thoughts."
"Imagine that."
Scooter looked at the dropcloth. Kermit followed his glance. Scooter said, "Why not prerecord some backstage scenes and project them on a screen left of the stage? People know that's the place where stuff happens. It'd be like letting the audience see through the wall. It'd give us more time to change sets, too." He turned to Janken. "We could rig up something like that, couldn't we?"
Of course Scooter already knew they could; he had checked with him earlier. He answered, "Sure. Just wire a projector up to the bottom of the balcony on that side and have those bits ready to go, it'd just be the tap of a button."
Scooter turned to Kermit. "It seems doable to me."
Kermit countered, "But we'd have to hang a screen there all the time, or have it come up and down. Think about what that would look like."
Scooter said, "Maybe not. Maybe there's something we can project it on that won't look like a big white rectangle."
Fozzie, who had been listening in, leaned over the backs of the chairs and said, "I think it's a great idea! And even if we can't use a screen, we could do it like a radio play."
"A radio play?" Scooter said.
"Sure! Just the sound, no video. Like a microphone or the intercom was left on by accident."
Enthusiastically Gonzo said, "I like it! It'd sound like they were hearing what was really going on backstage. They wouldn't know if it was real or not."
Kermit turned to Piggy, who was still playing with Billie. "What do you think?"
She looked up. "Huh?"
Scooter said, "We were talking about maybe recording some backstage scenes and playing them between acts, or 'leaking' some audio stuff."
It sounded weird to her. But it would allow them to bring some of the backstage drama to the stage show, and thus would increase her presence. "I like it."
"So can I look into it, boss?" Scooter asked.
Kermit replied, "You're going to anyway, so go for it. If you come up with something good we'll try it out for a show or two."
"Thanks!" Scooter chirped.
Billie held her arms out to Gonzo and said "Dada!"
As Gonzo picked her up he said, "Thanks for looking after her, Miss Piggy."
"It was no problem. Bye-bye!" She wiggled her fingers at Billie, who waved back.
Piggy said to Kermit, "Little children are so cute. It's a pity there's only one at the house, isn't it?"
He knew exactly what she was driving at. I'd make a good mother, wouldn't I? He stammered for a moment, then said, "Robin should be coming for a visit soon."
She looked him straight in the eyes and said, "You know what I mean." There was no anger in her tone, thankfully. Then she said, "Moi is going to go change. Be back soon."
*
Miss Piggy had finished getting back into her street clothes—which, for her, was clothing that didn't need to be dry cleaned—and was brushing out her hair as she thought about things. She had not had time to go into any depth when she heard a knock on her door. "Entrez-vous," she called out.
Kermit came in. "Got a minute, Piggy?"
She turned in the chair to face him. "For vous, always."
He closed the door behind himself and said cautiously, "I've been wanting to ask you something for a while, and I don't want you to get upset about it. If you don't want to answer me, that's all right, just say so."
"What's this about, Kermie?" she asked, puzzled.
It's, well, lately people have been printing pictures of you when you were little. They're beautiful pictures, Piggy. Why don't you like them?"
She looked away. This was not a question she wanted to answer. Not now, not ever. But... Kermit was the only one who asked her how she felt rather than assuming she'd be flattered. She said, "They were all taken during pageants."
"Yes. So?"
She met his eyes again. "What do you know about pageants?"
Kermit thought said, "They're beauty contests, aren't they?"
"That's right. Ever since I was a little piglet my mother entered me in pageants. Did you see the picture with the ribbon?" He nodded. "I was only a year old then."
"Yeah," he said, waiting for her to continue.
She looked away for a moment, then said, "Do you know what it's like to be a pageant child? Sure, it looks like fun, and sometimes it was, but sometimes you just want to play, but you can't, because all those other girls who could've been your friends aren't, because they're the competition instead, and you always have to be prettier than they are. And even if you want to be friends, maybe they don't, because you are the competition. And sometimes you don't want to spend all day dressing up and having your hair styled and your face made up so you can walk around in the bright light in shoes that hurt wearing a big fake smile on your face."
There wasn't another chair in the dressing room, so Kermit sat on a box. "That doesn't sound like much fun," he said quietly.
She snorted. "You better believe it. And when you don't win, Mommy will be so disappointed. Because being the most beautiful and winning is what matters. Once, when I won third place, she threw away my prize." Her voice caught. Kermit waited while she fought to regain her composure. When she looked up again she told him, "It's not a part of my life I like to remember."
He nodded and said gently, "I understand."
Angrily she continued, "And they print those pictures and people think they're oh, so adorable! I'd love to ban those stupid kiddie pageants and give all those pageant moms what for!"
Kermit just nodded, listening sympathetically.
She sniffled, then said, "But it's so silly, isn't it? Getting upset about something that happened long ago and doesn't matter anymore."
"No, it's not," he told her. "It matters to you."
There was a long pause. Then she said quietly, "Thank you."
They stayed like that for a while, not speaking, just looking at each other. Then Miss Piggy said, "I haven't shown this to anybody..."
"What?"
She took one of her long, satin gloves by the fingertips and slid it off. Beneath it her hand was smooth-skinned and dainty... and her fingers were tipped with black. He held out a hand, and reluctantly she reached out and touched it.
Her fingernails were not nails, but hooves. She had shaped them to look like fingertips beneath her gloves. She said, "They make me look like I was born in a stinkin' sty."
"So you have... hoof-nails," Kermit said, stroking her fingers with his thumb. He believed her when she said she had never shown her hands to anyone else. She had worked so hard all her life to be beautiful and perfect, and treated this quirk like a deformity. She had been wearing gloves since she was a piglet. Had her mother told her that her hands were ugly and had to be concealed? Could any parent do that to their child?
"I never could file them down enough to make them look like fingernails. Now you see why I wear gloves," she told him.
"Yes, I do. Piggy, there's nothing wrong with your hands." He looked at her hand. "They're kind of cute."
Miss Piggy's first impulse was to get angry, to snatch her hand away from him and tell him not to patronize her. It was easier to get angry than to admit to feeling pain. But, right here and right now, she didn't want to. She wanted to believe what he said. She wanted to have believed it years and years ago. She whispered, "You're the only person I've shown my hands to."
He nodded calmly. He knew that she was baring more than just her hand to him. He wasn't sure what else to tell her. So he just clasped her hand and held her gaze.
It was just the right thing to say.
*
When they came back down some time later, the party was winding down. The pizza boxes, a few of which bore the marks of Animal's teeth, were stacked in the garbage bin. The rats were doing a quick sweep of the seating area just in case anyone had dropped anything edible. Bo was warming up the bus for the trip home. Scooter was relieved to see no evidence of a recent fight between Kermit and Miss Piggy. In fact, they were holding hands, which was very unusual for them. Scooter guessed that something had happened between them. Well, good for them. He went up to Kermit and said, "Al caught a cab to the airport. He said to say thanks for everything."
"Oh, thanks, Scooter."
He and Piggy were preoccupied, so Scooter decided to leave them alone. He said to Janken, "Let's go."
"Yeah."
They went backstage. To Janken's surprise, Scooter picked up a backpack full of books. "What are you doing with those? I thought you'd have sold them back."
"I came straight to the theater after finals. I'll do that tomorrow, I guess."
"If you open one of those in my presence within a month, I'll throw it out a window!" Janken warned.
"What if we're outside?"
"I'll throw it in a window."
Scooter grinned. "Don't worry. I'm studied out forever and ever. The next time I go break my brain, it's gonna be on something useful."
"Like a screen for backstage scenes?"
"Yeah."
"So, want to know what you're doing tomorrow?" Janken asked.
Scooter gave him an odd look. "I didn't know I had plans other than not studying."
"Let's go to a show. I have tickets."
Pleasantly surprised, Scooter said, "Which show?"
"Street Z. Gonzo told me all about it."
"Oh, I know that one," Scooter said, grinning. "Heck yeah, I'd like to see it. When is it?"
"Three o'clock."
"It's a date. Um, mind if I come home with you again tonight?"
Surprised and pleased, Janken replied, "Huh? Of course I don't mind."
"It's just, I think we've got something to talk about."
Janken looked at him quizzically for a moment. Then he smiled broadly. "Yeah, we do," he said.
They went to the back, walked their bikes out of the theater, and left together.
*****
All characters except Janken, Billie, Brian, and Weird Al Yankovic are copyright © The Muppets Studio, LLC. Weird Al Yankovic is, of course, copyright © himself. All copyrighted characters and people are used without permission but with much respect and affection. Janken, Billie, and Brian are copyright © Kim McFarland (negaduck9@aol.com), as is the overall story. Permission is given by the author to copy it for personal use only.
*****
Growing Together
Part 13: Just One Person
by Kim McFarland
by Kim McFarland
*****
It had been a long day of filming. Fun, but long. They had filmed all the extra bits that would go into the show—backstage scenes, reaction shots, and the like—and Janken had put all the usable footage together to send to the editors who would assemble it into a television episode. The Muppets plus Weird Al were now hanging out, recording ad-libbed gag scenes just for the heck of it with the traveling cameras, and generally messing around. Kermit thought that there would be no dearth of extras for this DVD.
The call Scooter had been waiting for came. He said into his cell phone, "Yeah. Out front? Be there in a moment." He put it away, then glanced around. "Hey, Beauregard, can you give me a hand?"
"Sure, Scooter!" The janitor applauded enthusiastically.
"Uh, thanks. Now, come with me. I need an extra pair of hands."
Bo followed obediently, saying, "But your jacket only has two sleeves."
*
Several minutes later Bo and Scooter returned carrying stacks of pizza boxes, cans of soda, and bottles of water. They began setting them out on whatever flat surfaces were available. Scooter didn't bother to call the others; by now they would be hungry and alert for the smell of food. True to form, before he opened the third box the first pizza was under attack.
Gonzo asked, "Did you get my special order?"
"Sure thing."
"Great! Thanks!" Gonzo looked around, then waved to Weird Al. "Hey! I got a pizza you'll really love. It's got eggs, spam, sausage, beans, spam, and spam!"
Al was impressed. Gonzo really had been going all out to make him feel at home. However... "I appreciate it, but, actually I'm a vegetarian."
"Really?" Gonzo said, surprised, then assured him, "Well, don't worry, we don't judge. In fact Janken's a vegetarian too. He's the purple guy over there. He'll know what's safe."
Janken, having heard his name and caught the end of the conversation, beckoned Al over. Al came over, saying, "We haven't met, have we?"
"No. I work the camera back there." He pointed across the stage to backstage left. "Pleased to meet you. I really enjoyed your songs."
"Thanks."
They each took a slice of a pizza that was liberally decorated with mushrooms, peppers, olives, tomatoes, and other garden produce. Janken said, "This pizza's actually vegan. The cheese isn't real. I hope that's okay."
Al assured him, "That's fine. I try to avoid dairy products too."
*
After everyone had helped themselves to pizza and drinks they went out to the audience area and sat. Scooter claimed two seats in the front. Once again footage was projected onto the dropcloth in front of the curtains. This time it was the opening theme. By the time they got to Gonzo's trumpet gag Janken had come back from the console and sat next to Scooter.
Everyone munched pizza as they watched the rough cut of the episode. Janken had strung the skits and backstage scenes together in the order they would appear on TV. Reaction shots, changes in camera angle, and other such complexities were not included; the professional editors would work all that into the final version. This was just to give them a preview.
Everyone was pleased. Even Janken had to laugh at himself on the screen. His out-of-control tail was funny, and Piggy had set the scene up so that he appeared to be more afraid of her than of performing onstage.
Scooter was happy. This was a show he'd wanted to do for a long time. Getting Weird Al had been a major coup, and he had been so much fun to work with. Everything on the screen looked great. It would start off their second TV season off with a bang.
When the last act finished everyone applauded. Kermit sat on the edge of the orchestra pit and said, "Wonderful job, everyone! And let's all hear it for our fantastic guest star, Weird Al Yankovic!"
All the Muppets turned toward Al and cheered, applauded, and otherwise expressed their approval. When he could make himself heard he said, "Thanks, everyone. I've been wanting to do this show ever since your check cleared."
There was general laughter. Kermit said, "And let's welcome Janken. He's been a Muppet since he joined us last year, but now he's a full-fledged cast member."
The other Muppets applauded and cheered for Janken. Gonzo started tapping his soda can on his chair arm and chanting, "We accept him, one of us! We accept him, one of us!"
The chant quickly spread. "Gooble gobble, gooble gobble, we accept him, we accept him, one of us, one of us!"
Janken's blush turned his normally purple face maroon. He stood and faced the rest of the Muppets, who were laughing and chanting. He was nervous, but told himself to fight it back. They were his friends. He had seen the movie they were quoting, and knew the proper response. He shouted in mock outrage, "You dirty...slimy...Muppets!"
That broke the chant up into laughter. Still blushing, he said, "Thanks, everybody. I'll do my best."
Fozzie said, "That's the spirit! And if ya mess up, mess up funny!"
"Thanks," Janken said again, and sat back down, still smiling. Scooter put his arm around his shoulders and gave him a one-sided hug.
After that everyone started chatting amongst themselves. Weird Al went to the front with his phone and said, "Kermit, would you mind saying hi to my daughter, Nina?"
"I'd be happy to," the frog replied.
Weird Al dialed. While he was waiting for an answer Gonzo felt someone tap his shoulder. He looked over and saw a face very similar to his own, but purple instead of blue and with a pointier nose. "Brian!"
The alien said, "Yep! Nobody answered the door, so I let myself in."
Billie, who was standing in the seat next to Gonzo, was staring wide-eyed at Brian, "Like daddy!" she exclaimed, pointing.
Gonzo agreed, "Yes. He's like me."
"I'm Billie!" she announced.
"Hi, Billie. I'm Brian," he answered, grinning.
"Hi, Brine!" she said.
Gonzo said to Brian, "Camilla and I made our decision. Um... want to come to our dressing room?"
"Sure."
"Just a minute." Gonzo picked Billie up and glanced around. Then he went up to the front. Miss Piggy was talking into Weird Al's phone. Gonzo waited until she signed off with a kissy-kissy and handed the phone to Fozzie, then said, "Miss Piggy, would you mind watching Billie for a minute?"
"Not at all," she said cheerfully.
"Piggy!" Billie exclaimed happily as Gonzo handed her over. Billie liked Piggy, and it was mutual. Miss Piggy had a maternal streak, and he liked to let her indulge it.
Camilla was already leading Brian to the dressing room she and Gonzo shared. When they were in Gonzo shut the door. Brian asked, "What did you decide?"
Gonzo put his arm around Camilla and said, "We talked about it. And, well, it would be nice to have another chick... but we don't think we'll take you up on your offer." Camilla nodded and clucked softly.
Surprised, Brian said, "Oh. Of course, that's your right, but mind if I ask why?"
Gonzo and Camilla exchanged glances. Gonzo said, "It seemed like Billie came along at just the right time, and, well, we're happy as a family. We don't really need another chick right now. Who knows, maybe we'll get lucky again when the time's right. But if we don't, well, that's fine."
Brian nodded understanding. "I understand. And the idea of having someone else make a kid for you kind of squicks you, doesn't it?"
Gonzo said, "Well, I wouldn't have said it that way," but Camilla nodded emphatically. Gonzo glanced at her. She clucked to him. He said, "We'd rather do it the usual way if we can."
Brian said, "It's all right, really. A lot of planet dwellers feel the same way. I'm not going to try to change your mind, but I want to tell you it's not creepy. We use science to gene-engineer babies, but we don't manufacture them. It's people who do the work, and people who care for the children before they're ready to hatch. It's not cold or impersonal at all. Heck, my parents were gene samples." He smiled. "I hope your luck strikes again. But if it doesn't, and you change your mind, the offer will still be open. I won't say anything more about it, so you tell me when and if."
"Okay," Gonzo said, a little relieved that the matter was resolved so simply.
*
When they returned Miss Piggy was singing Frère Jacques in a silly falsetto with Billie. Billie knew some of the lyrics, and filled in nonsense syllables. Scooter said to Kermit, "Boss, I had an idea."
"Will it hurt or cost a lot?"
"No, not at all," Scooter said. "I've been lurking on some message boards and reading the feedback on the live show. It's been really good! But some people have been saying they miss the backstage stuff they see on TV."
Kermit agreed, "I know. But there's no way to do that during a live show."
"Well..."
Kermit knew Scooter well enough to recognize this approach. "Unless you have an idea."
"I did have a few thoughts."
"Imagine that."
Scooter looked at the dropcloth. Kermit followed his glance. Scooter said, "Why not prerecord some backstage scenes and project them on a screen left of the stage? People know that's the place where stuff happens. It'd be like letting the audience see through the wall. It'd give us more time to change sets, too." He turned to Janken. "We could rig up something like that, couldn't we?"
Of course Scooter already knew they could; he had checked with him earlier. He answered, "Sure. Just wire a projector up to the bottom of the balcony on that side and have those bits ready to go, it'd just be the tap of a button."
Scooter turned to Kermit. "It seems doable to me."
Kermit countered, "But we'd have to hang a screen there all the time, or have it come up and down. Think about what that would look like."
Scooter said, "Maybe not. Maybe there's something we can project it on that won't look like a big white rectangle."
Fozzie, who had been listening in, leaned over the backs of the chairs and said, "I think it's a great idea! And even if we can't use a screen, we could do it like a radio play."
"A radio play?" Scooter said.
"Sure! Just the sound, no video. Like a microphone or the intercom was left on by accident."
Enthusiastically Gonzo said, "I like it! It'd sound like they were hearing what was really going on backstage. They wouldn't know if it was real or not."
Kermit turned to Piggy, who was still playing with Billie. "What do you think?"
She looked up. "Huh?"
Scooter said, "We were talking about maybe recording some backstage scenes and playing them between acts, or 'leaking' some audio stuff."
It sounded weird to her. But it would allow them to bring some of the backstage drama to the stage show, and thus would increase her presence. "I like it."
"So can I look into it, boss?" Scooter asked.
Kermit replied, "You're going to anyway, so go for it. If you come up with something good we'll try it out for a show or two."
"Thanks!" Scooter chirped.
Billie held her arms out to Gonzo and said "Dada!"
As Gonzo picked her up he said, "Thanks for looking after her, Miss Piggy."
"It was no problem. Bye-bye!" She wiggled her fingers at Billie, who waved back.
Piggy said to Kermit, "Little children are so cute. It's a pity there's only one at the house, isn't it?"
He knew exactly what she was driving at. I'd make a good mother, wouldn't I? He stammered for a moment, then said, "Robin should be coming for a visit soon."
She looked him straight in the eyes and said, "You know what I mean." There was no anger in her tone, thankfully. Then she said, "Moi is going to go change. Be back soon."
*
Miss Piggy had finished getting back into her street clothes—which, for her, was clothing that didn't need to be dry cleaned—and was brushing out her hair as she thought about things. She had not had time to go into any depth when she heard a knock on her door. "Entrez-vous," she called out.
Kermit came in. "Got a minute, Piggy?"
She turned in the chair to face him. "For vous, always."
He closed the door behind himself and said cautiously, "I've been wanting to ask you something for a while, and I don't want you to get upset about it. If you don't want to answer me, that's all right, just say so."
"What's this about, Kermie?" she asked, puzzled.
It's, well, lately people have been printing pictures of you when you were little. They're beautiful pictures, Piggy. Why don't you like them?"
She looked away. This was not a question she wanted to answer. Not now, not ever. But... Kermit was the only one who asked her how she felt rather than assuming she'd be flattered. She said, "They were all taken during pageants."
"Yes. So?"
She met his eyes again. "What do you know about pageants?"
Kermit thought said, "They're beauty contests, aren't they?"
"That's right. Ever since I was a little piglet my mother entered me in pageants. Did you see the picture with the ribbon?" He nodded. "I was only a year old then."
"Yeah," he said, waiting for her to continue.
She looked away for a moment, then said, "Do you know what it's like to be a pageant child? Sure, it looks like fun, and sometimes it was, but sometimes you just want to play, but you can't, because all those other girls who could've been your friends aren't, because they're the competition instead, and you always have to be prettier than they are. And even if you want to be friends, maybe they don't, because you are the competition. And sometimes you don't want to spend all day dressing up and having your hair styled and your face made up so you can walk around in the bright light in shoes that hurt wearing a big fake smile on your face."
There wasn't another chair in the dressing room, so Kermit sat on a box. "That doesn't sound like much fun," he said quietly.
She snorted. "You better believe it. And when you don't win, Mommy will be so disappointed. Because being the most beautiful and winning is what matters. Once, when I won third place, she threw away my prize." Her voice caught. Kermit waited while she fought to regain her composure. When she looked up again she told him, "It's not a part of my life I like to remember."
He nodded and said gently, "I understand."
Angrily she continued, "And they print those pictures and people think they're oh, so adorable! I'd love to ban those stupid kiddie pageants and give all those pageant moms what for!"
Kermit just nodded, listening sympathetically.
She sniffled, then said, "But it's so silly, isn't it? Getting upset about something that happened long ago and doesn't matter anymore."
"No, it's not," he told her. "It matters to you."
There was a long pause. Then she said quietly, "Thank you."
They stayed like that for a while, not speaking, just looking at each other. Then Miss Piggy said, "I haven't shown this to anybody..."
"What?"
She took one of her long, satin gloves by the fingertips and slid it off. Beneath it her hand was smooth-skinned and dainty... and her fingers were tipped with black. He held out a hand, and reluctantly she reached out and touched it.
Her fingernails were not nails, but hooves. She had shaped them to look like fingertips beneath her gloves. She said, "They make me look like I was born in a stinkin' sty."
"So you have... hoof-nails," Kermit said, stroking her fingers with his thumb. He believed her when she said she had never shown her hands to anyone else. She had worked so hard all her life to be beautiful and perfect, and treated this quirk like a deformity. She had been wearing gloves since she was a piglet. Had her mother told her that her hands were ugly and had to be concealed? Could any parent do that to their child?
"I never could file them down enough to make them look like fingernails. Now you see why I wear gloves," she told him.
"Yes, I do. Piggy, there's nothing wrong with your hands." He looked at her hand. "They're kind of cute."
Miss Piggy's first impulse was to get angry, to snatch her hand away from him and tell him not to patronize her. It was easier to get angry than to admit to feeling pain. But, right here and right now, she didn't want to. She wanted to believe what he said. She wanted to have believed it years and years ago. She whispered, "You're the only person I've shown my hands to."
He nodded calmly. He knew that she was baring more than just her hand to him. He wasn't sure what else to tell her. So he just clasped her hand and held her gaze.
It was just the right thing to say.
*
When they came back down some time later, the party was winding down. The pizza boxes, a few of which bore the marks of Animal's teeth, were stacked in the garbage bin. The rats were doing a quick sweep of the seating area just in case anyone had dropped anything edible. Bo was warming up the bus for the trip home. Scooter was relieved to see no evidence of a recent fight between Kermit and Miss Piggy. In fact, they were holding hands, which was very unusual for them. Scooter guessed that something had happened between them. Well, good for them. He went up to Kermit and said, "Al caught a cab to the airport. He said to say thanks for everything."
"Oh, thanks, Scooter."
He and Piggy were preoccupied, so Scooter decided to leave them alone. He said to Janken, "Let's go."
"Yeah."
They went backstage. To Janken's surprise, Scooter picked up a backpack full of books. "What are you doing with those? I thought you'd have sold them back."
"I came straight to the theater after finals. I'll do that tomorrow, I guess."
"If you open one of those in my presence within a month, I'll throw it out a window!" Janken warned.
"What if we're outside?"
"I'll throw it in a window."
Scooter grinned. "Don't worry. I'm studied out forever and ever. The next time I go break my brain, it's gonna be on something useful."
"Like a screen for backstage scenes?"
"Yeah."
"So, want to know what you're doing tomorrow?" Janken asked.
Scooter gave him an odd look. "I didn't know I had plans other than not studying."
"Let's go to a show. I have tickets."
Pleasantly surprised, Scooter said, "Which show?"
"Street Z. Gonzo told me all about it."
"Oh, I know that one," Scooter said, grinning. "Heck yeah, I'd like to see it. When is it?"
"Three o'clock."
"It's a date. Um, mind if I come home with you again tonight?"
Surprised and pleased, Janken replied, "Huh? Of course I don't mind."
"It's just, I think we've got something to talk about."
Janken looked at him quizzically for a moment. Then he smiled broadly. "Yeah, we do," he said.
They went to the back, walked their bikes out of the theater, and left together.
*****
All characters except Janken, Billie, Brian, and Weird Al Yankovic are copyright © The Muppets Studio, LLC. Weird Al Yankovic is, of course, copyright © himself. All copyrighted characters and people are used without permission but with much respect and affection. Janken, Billie, and Brian are copyright © Kim McFarland (negaduck9@aol.com), as is the overall story. Permission is given by the author to copy it for personal use only.
: And that brings us to the ending of another Slackbot Muppet fanfic! (We are sure that it's the end, right?) But before we go, let's have a round of applause for the wonderfully touching scenes where 
and 
tell Brian their decision about a second hatchling, the fun/sillyness of shop talk during pizza lunch, and the bearing of 
's long-held secret to the frog.
