Battle Of The Jokes

MelissaTheDog

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Hello!~
This is my first fanfic, so tell me what you think, and what I can improve on :smile:
Ignore the title

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“Tubby! Tubby! Fozzie Bear is tubby!” The kids chanted and laughed as they all teased the 6 year old bear.

“Yeah, bear, go away, no one likes you or your jokes anyways, freak” Another kid said. They all gathered in a circle around the crouched up, teary-eyes bear, pointing at him.

“No one will ever like your jokes, Fozzie you’re as stupid as a doorknob!”

All the kids laughed and cheered as Fozzie ran out of the crowd and sprinted away, he didn’t want to be at that school, he’s had enough. Fozzie slightly skidded to a stop when he saw a wall ahead of him, a dead end; he was trapped. He turned around, panting, trying to catch his breath; he could hear the kids’ giggling grow louder as they neared.

“Hey, tubs, where’d ya go?” One boy called out.

“Probably ran home to mommy” Shouted another. Fozzie wanted to go home to ma, go home to her and cuddle in her arms, and just cry out all his problems, then she would say, ‘oh Fozzie, don’t listen to those kids, your jokes are the funniest I’ve ever heard’. But he couldn’t, ma went on a year-long vacation and he was staying with his grandma and grandpa. But they weren’t the same; they would never be as special to Fozzie as his ma was.

Tears threatened to pour out of his eyes, but Fozzie knew that he couldn’t start crying now; he needed to be strong, and brave, and tell those kids not to pick on him. The crowd finally reached him, and they weren’t going to stop calling him names anytime soon.

“Fatty!”

“Stupid!”

“Mamma’s boy!”

Fozzie couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. They ran down his cheeks, but every time he tried to wipe them away, the tears just came back. He heard a small female voice rise over the crowd.

“Guys, stop it!” A soft, puppy’s voice chimed in. Fozzie looked up and wiped his eyes enough to see a small dog coming to his rescue.

“Get out, Melissa, this is none of your business” The leader, as it seemed, yelled at the girl. Melissa, was her name, he heard the boy say. Fozzie had never met her, never even see her around the school before; so why was she helping a total stranger?

“No, stop picking on this poor guy, he never did anything to you” She shouted back at him. Fozzie sniffled and smiled a bit at the thought of someone helping him, maybe even getting a friend. Fozzie had some friends, but they didn’t go to the same school. Kermit was one, he was a frog, and they were best friends. But after time at Nanny’s place, Kermit got offered a special job in T.V. business, and they haven’t seen each other since.

The leader of the group was another dog, except with darker fur then Melissa’s. He looked past her and glared straight at Fozzie, he sighed. “Ugh, Melissa, why do you always have to get in the way,” he metaphorically asked her, “Come on guys,” The dog said, turning around and walking away, “let’s get out of here.”

Fozzie stood up and grinned when he saw them leaving. He walked up the small, light brown that saved him. “Gee, thank you a lot, Melissa, was it?” Of course he already knew the answer to that; he just wanted to make a nice introduction.

She turned around and looked at Fozzie. After a moment she replied, “Hi, yeah my name’s Melissa, what’s yours?” She asked him, followed by a smile.

He grinned back at her, “Fozzie Bear’s the name!” He took off his hat and did a small bow to her, just for amusement.

“So I heard you were a comedian?” Melissa commented.

“Yeah I can do some jokes, why, you heard of me?” He proudly asked.

“Actually, no, I just overheard the argument and heard them say that you did jokes”

“Oh… well, you wanna hear one?” Fozzie suggested. She nodded her head and listened carefully to what he was going to say. He cleared his throat and said, as if he already rehearsed, “
OK, so a guy asks me 'Did you take a bath today?' and I said why is there one missing? Wocka wocka wocka!”

She laughed a bit, but then forced out a bigger laugh so that he wouldn’t be depressed. His jokes weren’t all that good, but they were a little original.

“Thank you, thank you!” He gratefully declared. “And, Melissa, thank you for rescuing me earlier” Fozzie sheepishly said while playing with his white, polka-dotted scarf.

“No problem at all, really, I can’t stand to see someone getting hurt” Melissa replied, “hey, if you’re not doing anything after school, would you want to come over to my house?” She cheerfully asked him, “Maybe we could be friends?”

“Okay! But I’d have to ask my grandma and grandpa first, I’m sure they would allow me to, though!” He replied. Finally, his first friend that he could see everyday at school. Scooter and his sister, Skeeter, were another one of his friends, but their parents took them away from Nanny’s after Skeeter snuck out the window and ran away, into the forest to live wild. Their parents were too worried that Scooter would get away too. Miss Piggy got put into fashion shows, and never came back.

After school, Fozzie asked his grandparents if he and Melissa could play together at Melissa’s house. They said yes, as long as he was back by dinner time.

“I can’t wait to show you what my house looks like; it’s so big and cool.” Melissa gloated. Fozzie got more excited.

“Neither can I, I can’t believe I’m finally going to have a friend!” he exclaimed. Melissa looked at him, shocked.

“You’ve never had a friend before?” She asked, she had always been friends with everybody, and she never met someone who didn’t have any friends.

“Well, I did, when I lived at my Nanny’s place. She took care of us. But everyone left eventually, and I’ve never seen them after that.” Fozzie sadly replied, thinking of al his old friends. Animal was another one of his close friends, but after discovering his secret talent of drumming, he got put into a band, never seen again.

“Well, we’re here!” Melissa excitedly said. She hopped out of the car and grabbed Fozzie’s hand, running inside.

When inside, Fozzie looked around the big house in awe; he never seen a house this big or decorated this much.

“Come on, I’ll show you my room, then we can get some snacks!” She whispered to him. They ran up the stairs, giggling, and walked into Melissa’s bedroom. She flopped onto her soft, cushiony bed, “So, you like it?”

“Yeah, this is so awesome! My room is about the size of a closet.” Fozzie said. It was true; his room wasn’t all that big compared to this.

“Put your bag down, then we can go get something to eat.” Fozzie put his backpack on the floor and they both ran back downstairs, into the kitchen. They snuck a few treats back up to her room.

“So,” Melissa said, munching on a delicious chocolate brownie, “what did happen to your friends? Why did they leave?” She asked, “If you don’t mind telling me.” She added in.

“Well I had this crazy friend named Gonzo; he loved to do stunts and tricks. But one say, he did a super dangerous trick and had to go to the doctor’s. After that, he never came back; I don’t even know what happened to him.” Fozzie said, looking down at the floor, it was sad. Gonzo could be off somewhere making money or something, or he could be… dead.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry, I never knew-“

“Oh it’s alright, I don’t mind telling. Anyway, there was another friend of mine, his name is Rowlf. I don’t actually know what happened to him, though” He thought about it, Fozzie was taken away before Rowlf, so he never even knew what happened to him.

“R- Rowlf?” Melissa gulped, “is he a dog?” She asked nervously.

“Yeah, why?”

“Well, um, you know the dog that was picking on you, that was a dark- brown colour. Well, his name is Rowlf.” She answered.

Fozzie couldn’t believe it, Rowlf was always one of the nicest guys he knew, how could he just become a bully like that? “Well that can’t be Rowlf; the Rowlf I knew was one of the nicest guys ever.”

“I hope you’re right, Fozzie”

~~

All the characters in this except for Melissa are (c) to Jim Henson. I do not own any of them.
Melissa (c) Me
 

MelissaTheDog

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Hello again! Here's Chapter 1!
Time skip likeaboss
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Everyone backstage, quiet!” A small voice shouted, “Quiet backstage!”

Everyone still chatted away as Kermit, the frog, got more and more frustrated. “Everybody, quiet!” He shouted as loud as his little vocal chords could go. “Sheesh. Okay, Fozzie, you’re up. Fozzie?” He looked around for the comedian of the show.

“I’m here Kermit! I’m here!” Fozzie yelled, running down the stairs from his dressing room. Just then, he slipped on a banana peel that just happened to be at the bottom of the stairs. “Whoa!” He exclaimed as he slip right past Kermit and some other Muppets, right onto stage.

“Fozzie, what are you doing?!” Kermit whispered to Fozzie from behind the curtain, “Get back here, I need to introduce you!”

“Oh, right, sorry” Fozzie whispered back at him, he looked right at the audience and awkwardly walked offstage, forcing a laugh out. Kermit and Fozzie switched places, Kermit on stage, Fozzie off stage.

“And now, uh, Fozzie Bear! Yay!” Kermit excitedly shouted. He flared his arms all over and exited the stage.

“Wow Kermit that was a really good entrance you know you should-“

“Fozzie, get on stage!” Kermit shouted at him, pushing him onto the stage.

“Oh yeah, right!” He ran onto stage. “Hiya, hiya, hiya, boy, do I have a load of jokes for you tonight!” Fozzie hollered. “OK, so a guy asks me 'Did you take a bath today?' and I said why is there one missing? Wocka wocka wocka!”

“We already heard this one!” Shouted an old man from up in the balcony.

“Yeah, unfortunately! Dohohoho!” Yelled another.

“Can you guys please not insult me just for once?” Fozzie asked, without expecting an answer. “Uh, anyways...”

“I could do much better jokes than this garbage” One dog from the crowd whispered to herself, sighing. “Why do they even keep this bear around, hey, I could probably kick this bear out and get myself a job”

“And he said, ‘no, I’m not a horse!’ Aaaaah wocka wocka!” The crowd was silent, one small pig even stood up from his seat and left. Kermit witnessed this, and ran onstage in a panic, desperate to save the show.

“Haha yeah Fozzie you’re so funny! Now we have Gonzo the Great and Camilla!”

“But Kermit I’m not done yet I still have this one joke that-“

“Well you’re done now!” Kermit and Fozzie left the stage and the curtains opened, revealing the bird- like creature named Gonzo and his chicken girlfriend, Camilla, standing on the wood floor.

“Woo!” Waldorf shouted from the balcony once again.

“You’re cheering on this freak act?” Statler asked him, surprised.

“No, I’m cheering because the bear left!”

“Ohhoho!” They both laughed for awhile.

“Kermit, I wasn’t done with my jokes yet” Fozzie sadly said. They were both offstage and out of sight from the audience.

“Well I know, Fozzie, but the audience seemed to have already heard your jokes” Kermit explained to him.

“If you just let me stay onstage I would’ve had a few new ones” Fozzie complained.

“Just go to your dressing room, Fozzie.” Kermit begged, he didn’t need arguing right at that time, the guest for the show hasn’t even showed up yet. Kermit paced backstage, hoping that the guest, Carly Johnston, would show up sometime soon.

Gonzo ran offstage. “Kermit! My act went awesome! The crowd loved it!” He exclaimed.

“Bawk, bawk!” Camilla added in. They both ran upstairs into their dressing room.

“Okay, next on stage, is… Carly… She isn’t here yet! Can anyone else-“

“I’ll do it!” Fozzie chimed in from upstairs.

“Except for Fozzie! Save our show? Anyone?! Fozzie… I guess you’ll have to do. Get back onstage!” Fozzie excitedly ran back into the bright spotlight and started telling his marvelous jokes once again.

“So this frog went to the doctor’s on someone’s head and said ‘there’s something growing out my butt!’ Wait a minute, that’s not how it goes. Um, okay, so a frog walked into the doctor’s with something growing out his butt. Wait-“

“Boo!” The audience roared. “Where’s Carly?” Another muppet asked.

“Sheesh, this bear’s really got to get better jokes. I could get up there and save him, but, of course I’m pretty sure that’s illegal” The dog said to herself again.

“Kermit… I’m losing them” Fozzie shouted over to Kermit, hoping he would come and save the act.

“You never had them!” Shouted the two old men from the balcony. Kermit ran onstage beside Fozzie.

“Carly can’t make it!” Kermit yelled out to the audience, his voice cracking a bit from nervousness.

“Why not?!” The angry crowd asked him furiously.

“Because… um… she got… in-“ Kermit tried to explain.

“A car accident!” Fozzie added in to help.

“Is there any other possible acts other than this horrible bear?!” Some muppet from the audience asked.

Kermit gulped, “I’ll check. Scooter!” He called.

Scooter ran in right away, “Yeah, boss?” He asked.

“Is there any acts that we can put on?”

“We might be able to put on… hm… no… oh maybe- no… uh, sorry, boss, most of the muppets who didn’t have an act tonight are gone.” Scooter apologized.

“Well what about the Electric Mayhem?” Kermit quickly thought.

“Yeah they’re here, but that would only be a 3 minute song or so, then what?” Scooter reminded him, checking his clipboard once again.

“Maybe Carly will be here by then. But for now, Electric Mayhem, everybody!”

Scooter, Kermit and Fozzie all ran offstage as the red, velvet curtains opened up to reveal the band consisting six different musicians. Floyd, who plays bass, with flaming orange hair. Zoot, who plays Saxophone, that is usually asleep. Lips, the trumpet player with golden, poofy hair. Janice, the only female in the band who plays electric guitar. Animal, the crazy drummer. And finally, Dr. Teeth, the leader of the band, who plays his keyboard.

“A-one, two, three…” Dr. Teeth harmonized. The band started playing a song, while backstage a big commotion was going on.

“Well what about Muppet Labs?!” Kermit asked Scooter, worrying that the show would have to cut short tonight.

“Remember last time? Yeah, Beaker is still at Dr. Phil Van Neuter’s for that, and I doubt that will go smoothly” Scooter answered back.


“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but what about Miss Piggy? She’s always willing to sing on stage” Kermit offered. It was true, Miss Piggy was always complaining that she didn’t get enough show time.

“She’s out with Link tonight, surprisingly. But if you call her I bet she would be here in two seconds flat.” Scooter happily said.

“I know!” Fozzie said from behind Kermit, “We can ask an audience member if they would want to come up and show off their talents!”

“That sounds like a good idea” Floyd said from beside Kermit. Kermit jumped at least 3 feet off the ground from the shock.

“Floyd?! What are you doing here?! You’re supposed to be singing on stage!” Kermit yelled at him.

“What? No, we’ve been done for at least five minutes, green stuff.”

“Fozzie, that idea’ll have to do for now!” Kermit exclaimed. He ran on stage and nearly slipped off the slippery wooden floor of a stage. “Hiho! So now, instead of Carly, since she crashed in a car, we’re going to call up anyone from the audience to come up and share their talents!” Kermit shouted out. After a minute or two of just silence in the audience, maybe a cough or two here and there, someone finally stood up.

“Ah, come up here and let’s see what you can do!” Kermit joyfully said. He watched as the chicken started walking towards the isle but then turned towards the door, leaving.

“Uh, okay, anyone else?” Kermit choked out. He gulped, but then he saw a dog stand up in the audience.

“I’ll go up there!” She yelled down to him. A big smile spread across his face, they wouldn’t have to cut the show short, or worse, put Fozzie back on.

“Okay, come right up here!” The dog skipped right down the steps onto stage and beside the green frog. “So, what’s your name?

“My name is Melissa” She cheerfully replied, “and today I’m going to be doing some comedy!”

~~~~~~~~~~~
All the characters in this except for Melissa are (c) to Jim Henson. I do not own any of them.
Melissa (c) Me
 

Twisted Tails

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So, I know you did the Muppets in the past maybe in the 1970s and I can hear the voices very clearly with the original performers which is Jim Henson (Kermit), Richard Hunt (Scooter), Frank Oz (Fozzie), Floyd (Jerry Nelson), a little of Jim's Dr. Teeth, Rowlf (Jim Henson), and maybe Melissa from the orginal performer Karen Prell. Otherwise, I Heart this story. Please post more! Thanks!
 
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