A Muppet Play

[Fraggleforever]

Hey everybody! Here's another one for ya!

Chapter 1

Kermit was really excited. He and the other Muppets were going to perform Romeo and Juliet in a month. All the parts were cast and he appointed Gonzo as the director.
Kermit: "Wait wait wait! Gonzo's the director?"
Me: "That's what I said."
Kermit: "Are you sure that's a good idea?"
[Ignoring Kermit]
Anyway, the parts were cast, by Gonzo's decision, and here is the list:

Romeo: Kermit
Juliet: Miss Piggy
Everyone else: everyone else.
Stan: Scooter

Kermit, Miss Piggy, and the other Muppets looked at the list. Miss Piggy was excited about her part.
"Oh Kermie! This is going to be great! Don't you think this is going to be great?"
Kermit gulped. "I suppose."
Gonzo ran into the room with a pile of scripts and a giant grin on his face.
"Alrighty everybody! Here are the scripts! Now, follow me!"
He ran into the wall and fell on the floor.
"Uh...Gonzo, the stage is that way."
"Oh yeah. This way!"
The Muppets followed Gonzo into the theater.
"Alrighty everybody! I have some cool ideas for the play!"
"Like what?" Rowlf asked.
"Oh, explosions, singing chickens, juggling chainsaws, you know, the basic stuff."
Kermit frowned at the ideas.
Scooter raised his hand.
"Uh....Gonzo, I have read the script, and....."
"Go ahead Scooter. What's the problem?"
"In the original version, there is nobody named Stan."
"I know. I thought the play needed a character that held everything together."
"But....he says nothing but "I'm Stan", three hundred and twenty seven times."
"Exactly!"
"What?"
"Alright everybody, let's get practicing!"
Kermit shook his head and sighed.
"Sheesh. This is going to be interesting."

 

[theprawncracker]

Hahahahaha! The Stan line cracked me up!! I love it!! I could totally see Gonzo's version of Romeo and Juliet! ...And it ain't pretty...

 

[Fraggleforever]

Chapter 2

Miss Piggy was practicing her lines on the stage, pacing back and forth saying them over and over.
"Romeo, Romeo, where for art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name."
She elbowed Scooter, reminding him of his lines.
"Oh....uh....I'm Stan."
Kermit rushed on stage, looking for Gonzo.
"Has anybody seen Gonzo?"
Gonzo was talking to Sam the Eagle, discussing his lines.
"OK Sam, you are the bird of the story, and your line is?"
Sam sighed. "Nevermore."
"Very good!"
"Is this play moral and American?"
"If by moral and American you mean dangerous and tear jerking, then yes!"
Kermit ran up to Gonzo.
"Gonzo, can I talk to you?"
"Sure Kermit!"
"Uh, I read over the script."
"And...?"
"This is not Romeo and Juliet."
"Of course it is! I just redid some bits and pieces."
"Bits and pieces? The whole thing is rewritten!"
"I know! The story was boring and preachy, so I spiced it up!"
Kermit sighed. "Well, I hope you know what you are doing."
Gonzo put his hand on Kermit's shoulder. "Kermit, I am a artist. Have I ever steered you wrong?"
"Well...."
"Don't answer that. Now, go over to Juliet and go over your lines, Romeo."
"OK......Mr. Director."
Kermit walked over to Piggy to go over lines, while many of the Muppets were building the sets. Sweetums walked over to Gonzo.
"Where do you want the rocketship and the pile of quarters?"
"Uh....put them over there by the computer and bag of potato chips."
He looked at his clipboard. The play was coming up soon, and everyone was almost ready.
"I'm so excited!" Gonzo exclaimed.
Scooter ran over.
"I'm Stan!"
"Ha ha....very funny."
Gonzo continued handing out scripts and giving the set builders tips. The play date continued to draw nearer and nearer.

 

[theprawncracker]

I'm Stan!! Ha! I love it! Keep it up!

 

[TogetherAgain]

This is HYSTERICAL! Oy I love it!

I mean, Gonzo is so... GONZO! It's awesome! And, just, EVERYBODY is in character perfectly, And I love, love, love, LOVE "I'm Stan!" I mean the cast list itself is just priceless...

I can't WAIT for more! This is awesome! AWESOME!

 

[Fraggleforever]

Chapter 3

Gonzo handed the music for the play to the Electric Mayhem.
"Here you go guys. A few songs I would like to have in the play."
Floyd shook his head a little bit. "Gonzo man, these songs don't have anything to do with Romeo and Juliet."
Zoot woke up from his nap, and looked at the music. He said,
"In my opinion, Gonzo would like these songs to be part of the play, because music connects us all to each other, no matter how pointless it may be to the subject at hand."
A awkward silence appeared for a few moments, until Dr. Teeth spoke up.
"That was beautiful man."
Janice agreed. "Fer sure."
Animal blew his nose in a hanky.
"LOVELY! LOVELY!"
Floyd shrug his shoulders. "Alright blue stuff, we'll do it."
Gonzo was delighted.
"Excellent! I'll leave you to your practice." Gonzo rushed off to other matters regarding the play.
Meanwhile, Dr. Teeth turned towards Zoot.
"I didn't know you could be so sentimental, man."
Zoot started to doze off.
"Huh?.....oh....whatever...."
Lips shrug his shoulders.
"Oh well, easy come, easy go."

Gonzo was talking to Rowlf and Anne Sue pig.
"You two will be the king and queen. And the mother and father to Romeo."
Then he turned to Clifford and Spamela Hamderson.
"And you two will be the other king and queen. And the mother and father to Juliet."
Spamela scratched her head. "So am I the king, or the queen?"
Clifford chuckled. "You're the queen, baby."
"Oh that's good."
Rowlf spoke up.
"But Gonzo, I'm a dog and Anne Sue is a pig, and Romeo is a frog."
"So?"
"[Sigh] Never mind. This play is getting weirder and weirder."
"I know! Isn't it great?"
But before Rowlf could reply, Gonzo handed him and Clifford two buckets of vegetables. Clifford replied,
"Vegetables?"
"Not just vegetables; exploding vegetables! I want you two to throw them at each other when the script says so!"
Rizzo passed by, shaking his head.
"What a waste of good food."
Clifford and Rowlf looked at Gonzo with surprised looks.
"Man, are you crazy?"
"No, I'm Gonzo. Now, as you were." He handed the scripts to the four and walked away.
Rizzo picked up a cucumber and was going to take a bite of it. Rowlf saw this.
"RIZZO! NO!"
KABOOM!!!!
Rizzo landed in the light fixture.
"[Cough] Never been a big fan of spicy food. [Cough]"

 

[Fragglemuppet]

Wow, this promises to be a really great one! Side-splitting, and most certainly interesting...

 

[Fraggleforever]

Chapter 4

Gonzo was talking to Pepe about his role.
"Pepe, you will be the friar of the story."
"Hokay, are you going to be the stove?"
[Rimshot]
"Not now Animal. Here's your script Pepe."
"Are jew sure that the ladies love friars?"
"Are you kidding?! They're like Jefferson Starship, they're so popular!"
Convinced, Pepe grabbed the script from Gonzo's hand and ran off.
Gonzo hopped off stage and sat down in the front row.
"Alrighty everybody! Let's practice the musical numbers!"
Kermit perked his head up.
"Musical numbers? But Romeo and Juliet doesn't have any musical numbers!"
"They do now! Here you go Kermit." Gonzo handed Kermit a song.
"You just met Juliet, and you think she is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen. Therefore, you burst into song. And......ACTION!!"
The music began to play, and Kermit sang what was written on the sheet.
"Pachalafaka,
pachalafaka.
They whisper it all over England.
Pachalafaka,
pachala.....wait wait stop!"
The music stopped.
"Gonzo, this isn't working. This song doesn't fit in to what Romeo should be feeling."
"Ah! Say no more. Here." He handed Kermit another song.
"And.......ACTION!!!"
Sad music began playing, and Kermit began to sing again.
"Every night in my dreams,
I see you. I feel you.
That is how I know you'll go on.
Far across the distance,
the spaces between us,
we.......wait wait stop!!!!"
The music didn't stop as quickly as before, and Scooter started to sing the "Near, far, wherever you are" line, but saying his only line in the play.
"Iiiiiiiiiii'mmmmm Staaaaaannnnn, IIIIIIIIIIiiii'mmmmmmm Staaaaaannnnn,"
Kermit gave him a preturbed stare.
"Knock it off Scooter."
"I'm Stan!"
"AAAAGHHH!!!" He chased Scooter off the stage.
Nigel the Conductor turned around in the orchestra pit and looked at Gonzo.
"I thought it was lovely."
Gonzo wasn't worried though, even though the play was tomorrow night.
"Everybody has memorized their lines, the music is ready, the sets are perfect. Nothing could go wrong!"
Suddenly, a bag supporting one of the backstage ropes fell on Bean Bunny.
"Oops, there goes Tiny Tim."
A tiny arm appeared underneath the bag.
"....I'm....OK...."

 

[theprawncracker]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! This is amazing!!! I love it so much! It's histerical!!!

 

[Fraggleforever]

Chapter 5

It was opening night for the Muppets. Everybody had put on their shakespearean costumes, and the theater was filling up with people. One person in paticular.
"Oh Sprockie, this is exciting! I always wanted to see Romeo and Juliet!"
His faithful dog companion barked his approval.
"Roo roo!"
Backstage, Gonzo was straightening his bowtie on his tuxedo. He had never been nervous about anything before, and believe me, anything. But even now, he had sweaty palms. Kermit walked up to him.
"Gonzo, are you alright?"
"Yeah, I'm just a little nervous."
"Don't worry, you did your best. This show is going to be great, you'll see."
Kermit patted Gonzo's shoulder and ran off to take his place. The house lights dimmed, signaling Gonzo's introduction.
"Well, here goes."
The audience applauded Gonzo as he entered from stage left in front of the curtains. He smiled and waved.
"Thank you! Thank you! Ladies and Gentlemen, we have worked hard this past month, to put on this cultural classic. And now, without further delay, may I present, directed by me, Romeo and Juliet! Whooo! Cool!!"
Gonzo exited and took a seat in the front row. The curtain opened to a scene taking place inside a castle. King Rowlf and Queen Anne Sue were sitting on their thrones, consulting with friar Pepe.
"Sir friar, have thou summoned our son?"
"Si my majesty. He will be downeth in a secondeth!"
"Very good...."
Anne Sue elbowed him.
"Oh....eth."
Scooter ran on stage.
"I'm Stan!"
He ran off the stage.
Kermit entered the stage and said,
"Good morrow mother, father. Has thou summonedeth for me?"
"Indeed Romeo. You mother and I believe that the time has come for you to be wed.....eth."
"But father...."
"Don't talk backeth to your father." Replied Anne Sue.
"Yes mother. But I just can't find the oneth."
Rowlf chuckled.
"Oh son, thou can find true love anywhere. But whatever you do,"
He got up from his throne, put his arm around Romeo's shoulder and led him toward the window.
"never ever go to that kingdom over the hill there." He pointed over to the distance.
"Thereth father?"
"No....there."
"Thereth?"
"Nay! Thereth!!"
"Thereth?!?"
"For crying out loudeth!!!"
Scooter ran on stage again.
"I'm Stan!"
Scooter ran off again.
Romeo finally found it.
"Oooohhhh.....thereth."
Rowlf nodded his head.
"Exactly. Thereth Romeo, lives our sworn enemies, and we must never climb that hill. Ever."
Romeo nodded.
"I understand father. I will respecteth your wishes, and find true love, but never go to that kingdom."
"Very goodeth son, now, go find your maiden fair."
Romeo exited the stage, and Rowlf got back on his throne.
"Bring me the court jester!"
Fozzie bear, in court jester uniform, ran on stage.
"Hiya hiya hiya! What do you get when you cross a chicken with a duck? You get a hen that lays down!"
[Rimshot]
Rowlf and Annie Sue shook their heads.
"Uh.....OK....what do you get when you cross a chicken with a kangaroo? Pouched eggs!"
[Rimshot]
Rowlf yawned. Fozzie tugged his tie.
"Am I too hip for the room?"
Scooter ran on stage.
"I'm Stan!"
Scooter ran off stage.
Fozzie pointed in Scooter's direction.
"Now that's a running gag!"
[Rimshot]
Rowlf clapped his hands.
"Bring me the minstrel!"
Johnny Fiamma and Sal the monkey, in European garb and Johnny holding a lute, ran on stage.
"Johnny the minstrel, coming through! Make way!"
"Hey Sal, was this the best part I could get in this play?"
"I pulled some strings Johnny."
Fozzie was perturbed.
"Hey! I was here first!"
Sal went up to Fozzie.
"Oh yeah?! We were here second!"
"That's enough!" Rowlf bellowed. "Entertain your king and queen!"
Fozzie, Sal and Johnny looked at each other and nodded. Johnny started strumming his lute and the three started singing a song. They were offkey, sadly.
Johnny: I started on a journey, just about a year ago. To a little town called morrow in the state of Ohio.
Sal: I've never been much of a traveler, and I really didn't know,
Fozzie: that morrow would be the hardest place I'd ever try to go!
Rowlf and Anne Sue covered their ears and pulled a long cord. It was for the trapdoor, and Fozzie, Sal and Johnny fell in it. Then the curtains closed, signling the end of act one.
The audience applauded, but many had a look of confusion on their faces.
Up in the box seats, the elderly hecklers, Statler and Waldorf, were shaking their heads.
"Statler, I will never know how you talked me into coming to this thing."
"It was either this or watching reruns of Friends."
"Statler, I am so glad you invited me to this thing!"
"My pleasure."
"How do you like it so far?"
"I think that this play was written by Bacon."
Miss Piggy, in European attire, popped up behind them.
"WHAT?!"
"OH! Uh......nothing, I said nothing."
"Good answer." She left.
"What a ham!"
"HIYA!!!"
Waldorf looked at Statler in a crumpled heap on the floor.
"Did you enjoy that 'porkchop'? Do ho ho ho ho!"
"HIYA!!"
Piggy left again.
"Hey Statler...."
"Yeah...."
"I can't feel my hearing aid."