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A Nest Divided: A Sam the Eagle Story

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by charlietheowl, Aug 13, 2012.

  1. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Sorry for joining this a month or more late.

    ForGina's benefit, according to Muppets Tonight, Gonzo attended South Bay Regional Polytechnic Institute for the Performing and Industrial Arts Night School, Downtown Campus. The only other known famed alumn from that college, and Gonzo's classmate/drama theater partner was Jason Alexander.

    As for that impromptu game of HORSE... I gotta say it. That was turrable, that was hurrable, that was turra-hurrable. You got a whatever hooked to a carry-on bench, a squad of chicken cheerleaders, the only thing missing is a tiger in a boat. This stuff is crazy you knuckleheads!
    *Charles Barkley/Frank Caliendo impersonation over.

    Thanks for posting Charlie, hope for more soon or when you can post it.
  2. charlietheowl

    charlietheowl Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the kind words. I've been distracted lately with other matters, so this story has fallen to the wayside a bit. I'm about a quarter done with the chapter, and I'll try to write more of it this week. Thanks for your patience.
    GopherCoffee and theSHE124 like this.
  3. theSHE124

    theSHE124 Well-Known Member

    Hey Charlie! I gotta Halloween surprise for you! Look at my pro pic...it's Gonzo as Rocky Raccoon!

    :sing: So Rocky Raccoon
    Went into the saloon
    Only to find Gideon's Bible...:sing:
    charlietheowl and snichols1973 like this.
  4. charlietheowl

    charlietheowl Well-Known Member

    Thanks for posting that! It's very cool!
  5. theSHE124

    theSHE124 Well-Known Member

    R u finished with next chapter yet? Don't let it fall into the Fire's Burnt!
    GopherCoffee likes this.
  6. charlietheowl

    charlietheowl Well-Known Member

    It's in progress. I've some personal issues come up lately, so I've had to put the story to the side for a bit, but I'm going to try to write some next week.
    theSHE124 and GopherCoffee like this.
  7. theSHE124

    theSHE124 Well-Known Member

    Hey Charlie, how's it going? It's been a week now; have you've written more since then? Is it funny? :confused:
  8. charlietheowl

    charlietheowl Well-Known Member

    It's coming along, I promise. :)
    DrDientes and theSHE124 like this.
  9. charlietheowl

    charlietheowl Well-Known Member

    Yikes, this one took me awhile. "One Shining Moment" is by David Barrett Hodges, and has been sung by Luther Vandross, Teddy Pendergrass and Jennifer Hudson, amongst others.

    Chapter 19
    The monotonous thump of a dribbling basketball filled the backstage of the Muppet Theater, thump, thump, thump, thump.​
    "Good to see you've got the hang of dribbling now Walter."​
    "Gee, thanks Kermit! I never was too good at this in gym, the ball tended to be too big for me."​
    "They didn't let you use a smaller ball?"​
    "No, our school couldn't afford one. Once I tried to make a chest pass and launched myself with the ball across the court. I ended up skidding into the gym mats. After that I stuck to tennis."​
    "I don't blame you for that."​
    Walter dribbled on his way back to the main stage while Kermit scanned the scripts on his desk. This episode was a bit of a challenge for the cast, as Charles Barkley, though willing to do just about anything they asked of him, did not have a very good singing voice, which was putting it mildly. So they had to be creative about how to use him. But one thing was obvious; any sketch he was in would be basketball-themed. ​
    So ideas were bounced around, and digging through some basketball message boards, Scooter found a song called "One Shining Moment" which would make for a good number. So they built a mini-court for a set, got some bleachers, cheerleading outfits, basketball uniforms, and Charles could be the coach.​
    Beauregard walked past Kermit carrying a pile of pom-pons. ​
    "Kermit! I was nervous about carrying these because I couldn't tell if they were alive or not."​
    "Why would you think they were alive?"​
    "Well, we have so many different monsters here I thought it might have been a giant pile of hair or something."​
    "No, that's Martin. Hee's coming on in two weeks. You don't have to worry."​
    "Gee thanks!" Beauregard made his way to the stage with the pom-pons, where he was met by his cheerleaders, Piggy, Janice, and Miss Mousey.​
    "Here you are! And don't worry, the pom-pons won't bite."​
    Piggy gave Beau a strange look while he walked away, while Janice eyed the pom-pons suspiciously.​
    Meanwhile, Walter was wandering backstage, still dribbling, trying to round up the rest of his basketball team. ​
    "Scooter! Gonzo! Sam! Rowlf! Come on, it's almost time."​
    "I'm not coming out of the dressing room! I refuse!"​
    "But Sam," Walter said as Scooter emerged from his office and Gonzo came out of the air conditioning vent. "It's time to film."​
    "But this uniform! The shorts are too short!"​
    Seemingly out of nowhere (or the nearby canteen), Rowlf ran in and shouted "You hardly have any legs to show off!"​
    "You're not exactly Mr. Fit either in those shorts!"​
    "Hey! Hey!" Scooter cut in. "Come on, Sam, you promised you'd be in the sketch. If you can't go, then we'll have to put Fozzie in there and he can't dribble a ball."​
    "Fine. I guess I can't let everyone else down."​
    Scooter then lined up the troops. "Let's get out there and meet our coach."​
    As they proceeded to the set, no one heard the soft ringing of a cell phone coming from the dressing room. The phone rang and rang until a voicemail message picked up.​
    "Good day. You have reached the telephone of Sam the Eagle. I am not available right now, so if you are a telemarketer, teenager, or member of the Muppet theater, please hang up. If not, please leave a message if you must."​
    "Hello Sam. You know I told to change that message before, it's not very friendly. Anyway, this is me, Matty. I wanted to let you know that I talked to Hillary and Andrew the other day, and they both suggested to me that I should come out for Thanksgiving. I'm not really going to be doing anything else, and I think it would be fun to see all you guys. I talked to Kermit and he said it would be fine if I came for a few days, so I'll be flying in on Monday. See you then!"​
    Back on the stage, Kermit was about to introduce the next act with a pained look on his face.​
    "Well, I hope you enjoyed Rizzo's take on "Lucky Man" by Emerson, Lake and Palmer. If you're not familiar with that band name, you might think it's a law firm, which is exactly what we're going to need after that performance."​
    Kermit gulped and went onward.​
    "Well, if there's one thing I can say or do without getting sued, it's that our guest star, Charles Barkley, was a great basketball played. However, is he a good coach as well? Let's find out right now."​
    The curtain opened and cut to the Newsman and Louis Kazagger standing court side.​
    "Welcome back to tonight's matchup between the Muppet All-Medocrities and the Rag Mops. Now Louis, these Mops have cut out a huge lead with their post defense. Is there anything the Muppets can do to win?"​
    "Well Newsie, after watching the first half, talking to opposing scouts, coaches, and players, extensive anecdotal research of NBA message boards, and doing a small amount of peyote, I've come to my conclusion."​
    "Which is?"​
    "And there you have it! Let's get back to the game."​
    Charles huddled his team around before the start of the second half. ​
    "Now guys, the other team is up by 32 points tonight."​
    "It's actually 33," Walter chimed in.​
    "Yeah, that's what I saw when I called my bookie to make a bet on the game at halftime," said Gonzo.​
    "You're betting on a game you're playing in! They're not paying me enough to coach this team," sighed Charles. ​
    "Anyway, go out there and hustle! Give 100 percent and then some! Make your families proud! Make me proud! Make the bus driver proud, because he might not drive us home if we lose."​
    "Let's do this," yelled Walter, as he led the starting five back onto the court. ​
    Meanwhile, Piggy, Janice and Miss Mousey began their routine and song.​
    "The ball is tipped, and there you are
    you're running for your life and you're a shooting star"
    Rowlf ran down the court with the ball and threw a perfectly-aimed pass to Walter, who let the ball bounce off his hands out of bounds.​
    "and all the years no one knows
    just how hard you worked but now it shows"
    The mops quickly brought the ball down to the other end of the court, where Gonzo stood ready to defend, only to be so absorbed in watching the mops that he failed to see Sam running along side of him. The two collided in a mess of feathers while the mops scored.​
    "in one shining moment, it's all on the line
    one shining moment, there frozen in time"
    Scooter attempted to throw the ball in-bounds but ended up smacking the referee, Sweetums, with the ball. ​
    "Sorry, Sweetums."​
    "It's okay," he said with a sigh.​
    Charles tried to motivate his team. "Come on guys! You're almost there! We're only down 42….for goodness sakes, what am I doing? We can't possibly win this."​
    "but time is short, and the road is long
    in the blinking of an eye, that moment's gone
    and when it's done, win or lose,
    you always did your best cause inside you knew…"
    Gonzo tried to take a jump shot, but his shot was swatted so viciously by the mops that the ball bounced off his head and nearly took off Charles' head on the sidelines.​
    "Is this for real? We're losing to people without arms, guys! No arms! I don't even know how they shoot the ball! I'm out of here, we're down by 51 and I'm hungry. I'm going to Buffalo Wild Wings."​
    "that one shining moment, you reached deep inside,
    one shining moment, you knew you were alive"
    Walter yelled after his coach.​
    "Coach, come back! Coach! I almost hit the rim last shot! Almost!"​
    "and when it's done, win or lose
    you always did your best, cause inside you knew
    one shining moment, you reached for the sky
    one shining moment, you were willing to try!"
    Coming up next in Chapter 20: You wouldn't believe this, but everyone has an opinion on Matty coming for Thanksgiving, and Sam doesn't like any of them.​
  10. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Huh... Thought Chuck would have gone to McDonald's since he kept stealing Michael and Larry's food during their games of HORSE.

    If you needed a basketball-related song, you could also have used Hot Shot from the Electric Company... But this worked well as I'm trying to follow the game between the Mupps and the Mopps. The fact they were down by that much of a score to 0 points themselves, it reminds me of the old Super Harlem Globetrotters series.

    Good work, hope to see Maddie arrive at the theater for the feast of turkeys.
    charlietheowl likes this.
  11. charlietheowl

    charlietheowl Well-Known Member

    I should have put that in there! Or maybe I should have had him go to Weight Watchers, lol. ;)

    Thanks for reading and commenting!
  12. theSHE124

    theSHE124 Well-Known Member

    Great timing, Charlie, since Thanksgiving is almost here! :hungry: I never knew Sam the Eagle can play basketball, and has he gotten the voice-mail yet? But I thought Gonzo would be the star player. It's hard to believe he can get easily blocked by a mop! Must be part of the sketch humor...:confused:
    charlietheowl likes this.
  13. theSHE124

    theSHE124 Well-Known Member

    Happy New Year, Charlie! [:excited: blows...whatyumacallit-thingy] I was gonna ask about the next chapter for Christmas; but the more I kept forgetting, the more I realized it might be too much pressure for you during the holidays. So I had to back off by waiting for TDC Author Quest to count down...

    But now, with all that partyness starting to wane down, I can't wait to see the Thanksgiving chapter coming up! :flirt:
    charlietheowl likes this.
  14. charlietheowl

    charlietheowl Well-Known Member

    Thanks! I'm working on the next chapter now, can't say when it will be done yet, but it's coming along.
    theSHE124 likes this.
  15. theSHE124

    theSHE124 Well-Known Member

    How's it going, Charlie? With the icy storm, I don't have many things better to do. Will you be able to finish the next chapter this week? That'll make my day...:dreamy:
  16. charlietheowl

    charlietheowl Well-Known Member

    It's not ready for this week, but it will be up by the end of the month.
    theSHE124 and ElizaSchuyler like this.
  17. Twisted Tails

    Twisted Tails Well-Known Member

    You know what? That's a great idea to post it at the end of the month. There is a lot of stuff going on and I understand if you decide to have second thoughts and maybe go back to your chapter to check to make sure you don't any mistakes, spelling errors, etc.
    charlietheowl likes this.
  18. AlittleMayhem

    AlittleMayhem Well-Known Member

    I JUST caught up and now I can't stop laughing at that line because now all I can imagine is Janice whispering to her pom-poms 'I'm on to you'
  19. charlietheowl

    charlietheowl Well-Known Member

    Apologies to any brand names, television shows, or historical figures mentioned in this chapter.

    Chapter 20
    "….and that's when James Polk realized he needed another pair of socks, that despite all his best efforts, this pair could not be saved by his trusty needle and thread again. "​
    "We'll be right back on The Presidential Laundry after these commercials."​
    With his show on commercial break, Sam turned his attention back to the rest of his room. With Matty's arrival forthcoming, everything needed to be in order. Since he couldn't make sure that Animal was confined to the pool house, or that Lew Zealand's fish would stop rehearsing his act on the patio, or that Bobo wouldn't wear a tank-top and do his calisthenics in the living room, he decided to clean his room. So he took all his books off their shelves and dusted, vacuumed every square inch of carpet, and hid all his Just-For-Men sky blue feather dye in the closet. Now everything was tip-top and square.​
    "Hey Sam! How's it going?"​
    "All right, Rowlf. As you can see I'm cleaning the room, since no one else will take on this burden."​
    "I can smell the Lysol in the air; is that lemon-scent? Hey wait a minute….where are my songbooks? And my mini-keyboard? And my kibble containers?"​
    "You can't be bothered to clean, so I put them in the closet, where they belong."​
    Rowlf sighed. "Not like I was using those or anything. Why are you so anxious about cleaning anyway, the Building Department isn't coming here again for at least another two months?"​
    The Los Angeles County Building Department was a frequent visitor to the Muppet estate, normally because of reports of homemade rockets or science experiments conducted on the front lawn, a variety of mice parking their motorcycles all over the road and blocking traffic, or someone going around and eating all their neighbors' garbage. Evidently most people didn't find those "cool" or "just a part of everyday life".​
    "He's anxious because ol' wifey is coming over for Thanksgiving," chimed in Floyd.​
    "Oh, I see," remarked Rowlf with a smile.​
    "Her name is Matty, not wifey. Please show a little class now, Mr. Pepper."​
    "Don't get on me for telling the truth, flappy feathers."​
    "Is it wrong that I want to clean this place up before I have a guest over? There are only so many places that can be filled with soda bottles and chicken feed and post-it notes with crude drawings of Thog on them. There needs to be one safe place for Matty."​
    "It can't be a room with you in it," cracked Floyd.​
    "And why is that?"​
    "Too much hot air coming from your pontificating."​
    Floyd sauntered away triumphantly, leaving a fuming Sam and Rowlf in the room. ​
    "Well, I better make sure you didn't throw anything of mine away, so it's off to the closet."​
    Rowlf immediately began tossing out items of clothing from his closet, scattering them around the room like leaves in a rainstorm. Socks and ties fell to the ground in a ugly heap.​
    "Would you quit doing that? I just vacuumed the floor!"​
    Rowlf stuck his head out of the closet, an argyle sock stuck to his right ear. "Well my clothes don't have any crumbs on them. Mostly. Probably. Maybe not my bathrobe though."​
    Sam picked up the bathrobe and huffed in disgust. "I think I see some pretzel residue on here. Think it's Snyder's of Hanover."​
    "How did you know?"​
    "I had a friend who owns a grocery store."​
    "Uncanny. We should play this game with Beauregard's overalls next time."​
    Any talk of pretzels was then interrupted by a knock at the door.​
    "Is Rowlf here? I need to give him back his harmonica."​
    "Fozzie! I'm in the back, come on in."​
    Sam sighed as Fozzie walked through the room.​
    "Gee, it sure smells like lemons in here. Have you been making lemonade?"​
    "No, Sam's been scrubbing everything down."​
    "That's too bad, I would have liked some lemonade."​
    Sam cleared his throat in an attempt to regain control of the situation. "I've been cleaning this room since I'm having a guest over, and want at least one room in this glorified hostel to look nice."​
    "You're making this hostel a pretty hostile place if I may so myself," quipped Rowlf as Sam placed his head in his wings.​
    "Oh yeah, Matty's coming to visit. I'll bet she's excited to see Andrew and Hillary, it's been awhile since she's seen them."​
    "Yes, Fozzie, and that's why I want things to be nice and orderly for when she comes. So why don't you do me a favor and go clean out the garage so it's nice and clean for when she gets out of the airport limo."​
    "Gee, the garage has been getting messy lately since Rizzo and his friends moved their gin rummy games in there. Guess it's time someone cleaned out all the cans of Diet Tab. Well, I'll see you around Sam and Rowlf."​
    Fozzie headed back out the door, then stopped in the doorway.​
    "I get it now! Hostel/hostile! You're so good with puns, Rowlf."​
    "I do what I can."​
    "Mind if I use that in a routine?"​
    "No problem, always like to help out a friend."​
    "Gee thanks! I better write that down before I forget it." Fozzie scampered away down the hall in pursuit of pen and paper.​
    Sam sighed and then began to fold some laundry that was in a basket on his bed, while Rowlf finally closed the closet door with his foot, balancing several songbooks and a keyboard in his arms.​
    "Would you get that sock off of your ear? You look ridiculous!"​
    Rowlf brushed a hand to his head. "Oh! Didn't see that there. Thanks for letting me know."​
    Sam said nothing, and turned back to his laundry. The silence stewed for minutes until Rowlf tried to venture into a conversation again.​
    "So when is Matty coming?"​
    "Tomorrow morning, around 11:00."​
    "Are the kids excited?"​
    "Yes, Andrew's got a lot of pictures from the set he wants to show her, and Hillary has made plans to go see a taping of The Price is Right with her on Monday, though I don't know why anyone would bother going to see that show since Bob Barker retired. He was a real man of integrity."​
    "Are you excited?"​
    Sam stammered. "Well, she does have some of my books from home, so it will be good to get those back. I left my copy of Henry Clay's diaries there, and-"​
    Rowlf shook his head. "Are you excited to actually see Matty?"​
    "Well…I haven't seen her in awhile…and"​
    A long pause hung in the air, as Sam idly jumbled a pair of socks in his hands. ​
    "I'm not sure what to expect."​
    "I'm sure she'll be happy to see you and the kids. She wouldn't have come otherwise. It's a long trip from Virginia to Los Angeles."​
    "And I'm sure her wings will be tired once she gets here."​
    "Could you cut out the wordplay for once!?"​
    Coming up next in Chapter 21: Matty's here.​
  20. theSHE124

    theSHE124 Well-Known Member

    Have you been making lemonade? LOL My Mom is so like that when we have guests visiting and sleeping in the house! She often worries how roomy and homey and cleany enough for our visitors will be. Yet here I am who forgets a chore or two! :oops:

    Plus, I like how Rowlf's always there to help out any friend, Fozzie or Sam. Hey! I also wanna play 'Guess-what-kinda-crumbs-are-on-Beauregard's-Overalls'! And rat-sized motorcycles parked in the middle of the road?? Well, that's one way to cause more traffic in LA. :shifty:

    This latest chapter has really made my day, Charlie. For one thing, I've been thru 7 contests for the past 2 yrs. but haven't really won anything. It seems like no matter how big my talents are, it seems my own 'trusty needle and thread' will never mend the pairs of socks beaten by rejection. :sigh:
    charlietheowl likes this.

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