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Advice on getting over family deaths

Discussion in 'Friends and Family' started by miss kermie, Mar 6, 2012.

  1. miss kermie Well-Known Member

    WARNING- SERIOUS SUBJECT HERE!

    Well, I need some advice on controlling my tears in public, because my little cousin committed suicide yesterday, and I cried so much. Does anyone have any strategies to help me ease my tears? I really need to concentrate at school, and the crying isn't helping me.
  2. Cindy Moderator

    So sorry for your loss. That must be so hard for you and your family.

    Sometimes you just have to let the tears come. Hope you can find some time to reflect on your cousin and just cry as much as you need to. :cry:

    I don't know if you have a pastor or someone spiritual in your faith that you can turn to, if so please talk to someone, that will certainly help. If you don't have anyone I'd be happy to talk to you. *hugs*
  3. miss kermie Well-Known Member

    Thank You. I really appriciate it. I have been talking to some friends, and they've been helping me a little bit. I suppose that's a start.
  4. charlietheowl Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry for your loss. I would recommend that you find a close friend to talk to help you through the day at school. Or perhaps you should take a day off if your parents would let you. Some quiet time with friends or family may be helpful.
  5. miss kermie Well-Known Member

    Well, it's hard for me to do that, because I have missed a lot of days of school when I was sick, so I can't miss anymore days. And talking is very strict at my school, so it's very hard. That, and I don't really talk to my friends outside of school.
  6. Beakerfan Active Member

    I'm so sorry for you loss. When I lost someone very close to me, I cried every night for nearly three weeks. But I found things that helped: Firstly, I wrote everything I was feeling down in the form of letters to the one who died.

    Find something (like a ball) you can keep with you and squeeze whenever you feel the need to cry - it will help take your mind off of what happened so that you can keep calm until you reach an appropriate time to cry.

    Take deep breaths.

    When you can, find someone to talk to - it doesn't even have to be about what happened. Sometimes, just having a normal conversation is more healing because it helps you move forward.

    I have a stuffed animal I take to bed with me every night. He was given to me around the time my loved one died and he has been more comforting than nearly anything else - he has also been cried to more than anyone else in my life.

    I hope these help, and I'll be praying for you.
    Katzi428 and Cindy like this.
  7. charlietheowl Well-Known Member

    I'd like to think that your teachers would be understanding about your situation if you explained it to them. Loss is a very hard thing to deal with and I'm sure they know that.
  8. Ruahnna Well-Known Member

    Oh, Sweetie--I'm very sorry. It is always hard to lose a loved one, but many people don't have to face this reality of life until they are much older. My condolences and prayers for you and your family during this difficult time.

    I would strongly recommend that you get a notebook and write down what you feel as it comes to you. Don't worry about content, honey--some of what you write may be "politically incorrect" because anger and sadness are often mixed up. You can always choose what you do with the notebook later, but right now--it's for you, a place to put stuff that you don't want to deal with in the moment. Also, one more notebook is rarely noticed in the sea of schoolbooks most students have. I used to keep a "stress journal" when I was in graduate school to help me process the difficulties of school, work, life, etc. and it was easily camouflaged in my other books.
    miss kermie, Beakerfan and Cindy like this.
  9. miss kermie Well-Known Member

    Ok. I'll try all this stuff, and I'm feeling a little bit better.

    Thanks you guys! I really apriciate the advice.
    (Now maybe I can get somethin' done without Cryin'!)
  10. heralde Well-Known Member

    I think that's very good advice. It's definitely helped me in the past. :)

    My condolences, Miss Kermie, hang in there. : )
  11. newsmanfan Well-Known Member

    --------------
    Miss K, so sorry you're having to go through this. It sounds like you don't have much of a support network right now, and that only makes it worse, I know. I'm with Charlie -- your teachers should know what you're dealing with so they won't come down on you. Have your parents talk to the principal or something if you feel you can't talk to your teachers directly.

    All the other advice here is good. Do what feels best for YOU. Everyone grieves differently...but everyone does grieve; it's natural and even right. If your spiritual beliefs hold that there is a soul and an afterlife, remember that: I personally think something of us does continue on, and this isn't a bad thing, just another change.

    When you say "little cousin," was she younger than you? Man...that's rough. Whatever her reasons for having done so, try to forgive her for choosing the route she did. It's a shame and a waste but it was her decision. Try not to give in to that darkness as you go through life, okay? And trust that it's not goodbye, it's au revoir, as your porcine lady would say!
    ----------------
  12. miss kermie Well-Known Member

    Ha Ha, Thanks for the Advice Newsie.
  13. RedPiggy Well-Known Member

    My grandfather has told me recently that he's just getting too tired to walk. This is a guy who daily walks 3.5 miles. You could set a watch to him. However, I'm seeing him slow down. I'm seeing him be less interested in things. I know what's coming, and while we've made sure to be prepared, I can't help but grieve preemptively.

    Some things you can help and some things you can't. I don't know what the deal was with your cousin, but if the cousin hid it well, it's the sudden emergencies that can be so profoundly disarming. I agree with the others here: notebook it (though do be aware that if a teacher or someone sees an entry that is rather, uh, violent or aggressive or markedly depressing, it could be reported, given that it's the law). Now, what my mother used to do was write a letter to the deceased and burn it, as though the letter was being carried to Heaven in the smoke. Don't know where you stand on the afterlife thing, but the concept is designed to help move things along emotionally.

    I'm kinda shocked there's no mention of the school counselor. Seriously? What is that position for if they didn't come to your aid?

    Of course, you may have seen the school counselor, and I will happily apologize. I just note one wasn't mentioned.
  14. miss kermie Well-Known Member

    Honestly, counselors aren't doing wonders these days.
  15. RedPiggy Well-Known Member

    I hear that a lot. It's a shame.
  16. Katzi428 Well-Known Member

    (((Miss Kermie))) I am SO SO sorry about your cousin :sympathy: . It's tough when someone you love dies so suddenly, isn't it? My favorite aunt died suddenly in November & I remember trying to control my tears on the plane, but didn't do well(The flight was from FL-KS.). I DO have some advice. Try to remember the good times you and your cousin had. Did your cousin make you laugh about anything? Remember those things. My aunt had an incredible sense of humor & whenever I miss her I think of things she's said ,then it brings a smile to my face.
    Your teachers will understand if you need time to grieve.(At least I should hope so.)
    Everyone here is a GREAT source of support.
    Kathy
  17. miss kermie Well-Known Member

    heh, i remember the time on halloween when we scared everyone... Hey I'm smiling! It worked! And I know everyone here is good support. So does anyone know how to not to get busted for violent drawings? Because I did. =P
    (Thank You Peoples! I feeling alittle bet-ter nowz!)
  18. fuzzygobo Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, and I offer my deepest condolences. It's never easy coping with a loved-one's death, but I'm glad you're reaching out for support. The worst thing to do is keep your feelings bottled up inside. I'll definitely keep you in my prayers, and offer you and your cousin up in prayer in church tomorrow.

    Cast thy burden on the Lord, and he shall sustain thee- Psalms 55:21
  19. Zoot Fan 1981 Active Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss. I have lost a few loved ones in my life as well. I was 8 when I lost my dad due to kidney failure and after all these years, I still have my days when I get sad. Maybe your family can help you with your grieving process or you can talk to a therapist. I will keep you in my prayers:concern:

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