SPECIAL GUEST STAR: BETTY BUCKLEY COLD OPENING-- Scooter: "Betty Buckley, 15 seconds to curtain, Ms. Buckley!" (close-up on Betty's face) Betty: "Thanks, Scooter. Now, there's one thing I do need to address. I know I was on a show called Eight Is Enough..." Scooter: "Yeah, we all love it." Betty: "Thank you...but did you REALLY have to make me share a dressing room with these guys?" (shot widens and we see she's sharing a dressing room with seven monsters) OPENING THEME OPENING NUMBER: Robin (dressed in a raincoat and carrying an umbrella against a "rainy day" backdrop with actual rain in the background) starts singing "Let A Smile Be Your Umbrella". Oscar the Grouch, making a "very short cameo", appears and turns it into "Let A Frown Be Your Umbrella." Waldorf: "Well, Statler, what did you think of that number?" Statler: "I always knew this show was all wet!" Both: "DOOOHHHH, HO HO HO..." BACKSTAGE: Mokey Fraggle, on Janice's advice, has decided to go public with her poetry, but one problem remains...she has to find someone to take care of Lanford. Janice gives Lanford to Floyd...who pawns the plant off on Fozzie...who does the same to Scooter...who does the same to Rowlf...who finally leaves Zoot with the dimwitted killer plant. Floyd: "Um...uh...here, Scooter, take care of Lanford." Scooter: "Sorry, Floyd, I gotta get Betty Buckley ready for her next number. Uh...Fozzie, take care of Lanford." Fozzie: "Uh...I have to have lunch with my agent. Rowlf, take care of Lanford." Rowlf: "Sorry Fozzie, I have to get my flea collar changed. Zoot, take care of Lanford." Zoot: "Huh...what the...(realizes there's no one else there)...MAN!" GUEST STAR: Betty Buckley sings "Le Jazz Hot" and dances with the Mutations. Statler: "I tell you, that Betty Buckley is the cat's pajamas." Waldorf: "Why do you say that?" Statler: "Because she was in some animal show on Broadway...I forget the name." Waldorf: "And he calls *me* an old fool..." (For those who don't get the joke, Betty Buckley was in the original Broadway cast of "Cats".) SKIT: Muppet Sports. Link Hogthrob and Beauregard are engaged in the world staring championship. The two had been staring at each other for a good 67 hours, but lose out when the judges notice that Zoot (who had been in the audience) had been staring into space for 68 hours! Louis Kazagger: "Tell me, my good sir, do you have any words of inspiration for anyone who wishes to engage in this noble sport of staring?" Zoot: "Huh?" Floyd: "That's as inspiring as you'll ever get from him." BACKSTAGE: Miss Piggy and Betty Buckley chit-chat about Betty's numerous Broadway roles. When Betty talks about playing the deranged silent film star Norma Desmond in "Sunset Boulevard", Miss Piggy runs off...then comes back in a Norma Desmond costume. Betty hopes she doesn't take things too far... SONG: Miss Piggy and Kermit sing "The Perfect Year". SKIT: "Veterinarian's Hospital". Lanford is the patient. BACKSTAGE: Zoot's problems with Lanford continue, as Lanford has taken Zoot's sax and started blowing into it. Beauregard hears the noise (by putting his ear up to Zoot's closed dressing room door) and likes Lanford's atonal screeching...not knowing that it isn't Zoot playing. Bo: "That's it, Zoot, you're swingin' now!" (and starts dancing to Lanford's awful sax playing) DRESSING ROOM: Kermit ducks into Betty's dressing room, thinking Piggy's overdoing it by emulating Betty's "Sunset Boulevard" character. Betty tells Kermit not to sweat it and sings "Not While I'm Around" to him. After the song, Piggy bursts in with a squirt gun and tries to shoot Kermit a la Norma Desmond, but gets laughed at. Infuriated, Piggy karate-chops Kermit and sends him flying. UK SPOT: Rowlf sings Tom Lehrer's variations on "Clementine". SKIT: "Pigs In Space" BACKSTAGE: Zoot gives Lanford some of his "special plant food". Lanford is then seen wearing shades and mellowing out. Zoot is then able to get his sax back. Betty hears Zoot playing and sings "Angel From Montgomery" with him. During the song, she is joined by the rest of the band. SKIT: "Muppet Labs"--Bunsen Honeydew invents memory-restorer. However, it works TOO well and Beaker, upon drinking it, goes chasing after Bunsen. CLOSING NUMBER: Betty and Miss Piggy sing "With One Look". CLOSING THEME Waldorf: "Doesn't Betty Buckley usually sing 'Memory'?" Statler: "Yeah, but if I were her, I'd forget this show!"