Battle of the Bands.

Chapter 1

“Hey, cool it, cool it! Listen up, amigos!”

The Electric Mayhem’s song came to the usual crashing halt as Dr. Teeth called for their attention, waving a torn envelope in his hand and ordering Zoot and Animal to stop playing.

They were in their room of the Muppet Boarding house, spending the day playing random music. They, along with the rest of the Muppets, were not doing a lot recently, so they tried to fill the void of boredom as much as they could. Resolutely dealing with the problem, Dr Teeth had recently been making calls to book gigs, but with no such luck.

“There, now that I have your utmost attention, I have some posolutely, fandabulous news.” He grinned, showing off all his pearly whites and a single glittering gold tooth.

Floyd, Zoot and Janice leaned forward in their beanbags, while Animal hovered over his drums in wide-eyed curiosity.

“What is it?” Floyd asked.

“Like, tell us,” Janice said.

“TELL! TELL! TELL!”

“Alright, Alright! I had intended that” Teeth laughed as Animal jumped up and down in his stool. Floyd grabbed Animal’s chain and gave it a sharp tug. Instantly, Animal was still, but his breathed heavily in excitement.

“The good news, of which I present to you,” Teeth announced, indicating to the letter. “is that we have a gig in the next coming fortnight!”

“Like, finally!” said Janice as she and Floyd sprang up and whooped for joy. Zoot stayed sitting, smiling and nodding with approval while Animal started jumping again, screaming, “GIG! GIG! GIG!”

“Hold it, hold it! Whoa, cool it, everybody! That was the good news.”

With that and another yank of chains, the band fell silent again.

“Yeah?” said Floyd, narrowing his tube-like eyes. “What’s the bad news?”

“Well…umm...” Teeth stopped grinning. He scratched the back of his head and his eyes wandered to the floor.

“It’s…kinda… an opening act for another band.”

Floyd yelled in outrage. “WHAT?!”

“Oh.” Janice and Zoot said, simultaneously disappointed. Animal, on the other hand, kick-started in yelling, “GIG! GIG! GIG!” again. Any excuse to play drums and chase women was just fine with him.

“Well, like, Animal’s right!” Janice perked up. “We’ve waited fer a rully long time fer a gig and I suppose it’s, like, a start, fer surely!”

“Yeah, I suppose it’s better than nuttin’” Zoot agreed. He flopped backwards into his beanbag. He was snoring in an instant.

Dr. Teeth was grinning again. “Alright! You guys are taking this better than I ex-”

“No way!” Floyd interrupted, fuming. “There is absolutely, positively no way you are going to get Sgt. Floyd Pepper to open for another band!”

Teeth’s grin vanished. “Never mind.”

Floyd sat back down on his beanbag, folded his arms and continued to grump, a heavy contrast to his usually laidback personality. Janice sighed.

“Oh, rully.”

She bent down next to him and tried to reason with him.

“Come on, Floyd. We haven’t had a rull gig in a rully long time. This might be the best we can get fer now.”

“Yeah, man” Teeth interjected. “You haven’t had a problem with opening the old show!”

“That’s different, man!” Floyd argued, pointing at him. “With the Muppets, some people in the audience wanted to see us. This is for another band, baby! Those folks don’t wanna see the opening act! Everyone knows that they’re never good! They’ll think we’re not good. They wanna see the main event! Trust me, I’ve been at plenty of concerts and festivals to know!”

“Oh, come on, hon! You’re just overacting, fer sure.” Janice went to stroke his face but Floyd turned his head away and remained scowling. “Besides, I’m sure we’ll be just as good and popular as the main band, right Dr. Teeth?”

“Abso-poso-lutely!” exclaimed Teeth. “Except…”

“Except what?” Floyd growled, fixing him with a glare.

Teeth opened the envelope and produced a letter and a picture. He showed them the picture.

“This is the main band. Their manager was kind enough to provide a picture, for the sake of the plot. Heh, heh!”

Floyd took the picture and stared at it in horror. It showed four embarrassingly tanned human teenage boys all standing in a line against a sparkling backdrop. They were wearing different variations of black clothes (which still somehow looked remarkably similar) and all had dirty blonde hair and the same pouty expression.

“Teeth,” Floyd said, in a dangerously quiet tone. “Who are these?”

“Oh, like, I know who they are!” Janice stated. “They’re B.L.T.!”

Zoot grunted in his sleep.

“N’thanks, I’m not hungry.” he mumbled in his sleep, before rolling over and snoring again.

“B.L. what?!” Floyd cried in disbelief.

“B.L.T. They are, like, the newest boy band from England. I heard they’re meant to be, like, rully good, y’know, but I’ve haven’t actually listen to their music, just read about them in magazines, fer sure. I do know that their names are, like, Damian, Josh, Andy and Spike, though I don’t know why he’s called Spike, he doesn’t look anything like a dragon, rully, and they know each other fer all their life and Damian likes cats, which I think is rully cute, fer sure. And Andy’s favourite ice cream is strawberry, Josh’s is mint chocolate, which I personally find totally gross-”

“Let me get this straight,” Floyd said directly to Dr. Teeth, standing up and cutting Janice off. “You not only booked us as an opening band, but to a-”

He paused as his lips pursed, struggling to say the next word. Finally, he spluttered;

“Boy-band?!?!?!”

There was a jerky snort from Zoot’s direction.

“Wha? Teeth did what now?!” he cried, still not fully awake.

“BOYBAND! BOYBAND! BOYBAND!” Animal screamed louder than ever.

“Animal, down!” Floyd commanded.

“DOWN!”

Floyd turned back to Teeth. “Man, we are better than this!” he complained. “We’ve been doing this for years and performed with the best musicians and singers in all of show business. This, man, is just low! Real low! ”

He lifted up the picture and pointed at it.

“Last time I heard music that came from something that looked like that, I nearly died from un-hippness! I can’t even tell them apart!”

Dr Teeth sighed and shook his head, sadly.

“I know what you mean, Floyd, I really do, but I’m afraid this was the only one I could find and I was desperate. Like Animal and Janice said, a gig’s a gig, and we’ll just have to work our way back to the top.” He smiled again. “Besides, something positive might come out of this new experience we are about to embark!”

Floyd crossed his arms and frowned, but said nothing. Zoot stood up and joined the two.

“I hate to say it too, man,” he said to Floyd. “but Teeth’s right. Who knows. We might get some new…er…um…”

He scratched the bald spot under his hat and looked like he was thinking hard.

“Fans, Zoot,” Teeth said.

“Yeah, them.”

Floyd turned his back on them.

“What if I still refuse?”

It was Dr. Teeth’s turn to cross his arms.

“We’ll just have to get a new bass player,” he answered, flatly.

“Fine by me.”

“A replacement.”

“You do that.”

“A permanent replacement.”

Floyd twitched and there was a very un-manly and un-hip squeak. Animal slowly cocked his head and his eyes grew wide.

“GIG?!”

They all looked at his back expectedly, but he didn’t move for a while.

Finally, his shoulders sagged, exhaling a loud sigh.

“I hate you all.”

***

A couple of days later, the band were on their way to the stadium of the concert. Dr. Teeth had told them that a “lovely young lady”, who had also agreed to give them a tour, invited them to the practice.

As Teeth drove on, Janice, Zoot and Animal were playing their instruments that somehow ended up as music, or “jamming” as they liked to called it. Normally, Floyd would’ve joined in, but he was still in a bad mood, so he sulked at the back while everyone left him to it. Even Janice gave up on him, which was rare.

Eventually, the bus pulled over to a parking lot and everyone got out. Carrying their instruments, they followed Teeth to the entrance with Floyd taking up the rear while pulling lazily at Animal’s chain. An attractive brunette woman with a clipboard and earpiece approached them as soon as they passed through the automatic doors.

“Hello, there,” she said rather breathlessly. Her voice was light and her accent was British. “You must be Dr Teeth. I’m Abby, the stage manager. We spoke on the phone.”

“A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Miss Abby!” Teeth tipped his hat and they shook hands.

Animal glanced up and his eyes brighten. “WO-MAN!”

Abby jumped in fright as Animal attempted to lunge at her, only to be held back by a forceful Floyd.

“Cool it, man!” Floyd growled as Dr Teeth and Janice laughed. “Down!”

“DOWN!”

Abby stared in alarm at Animal, who was now sporting an odd smile, then her mouth turned into a slight unsure smirk.

“So, you must be Animal the drummer.”

“DRUM-ER! AH HA HA!”

“Ah, don’t worry about him,” Teeth said. “As long as he’s on his chain and he’s been fed every two hours, he should be fine.”

After a beat, Abby shrugged. “Well, if you just leave your stuff here, the staff should take them and set them up while I show you around the place.”

She smiled and gestured to their surroundings. “Shall we?”

Dr Teeth grinned. “Lead the way.”

“Fer sure.” Janice said.

Zoot glanced up, as if he just realised where he was. “What?”

“LEAD! LEAD!”

“Oh.”

The band set their cases down and followed the manager. Only Floyd didn’t say anything as they ambled after Abby for their tour. He was still scowling at anything and anyone who dared meet his sight.

Man, this is going to be such a stone drag, he thought.

He couldn’t be more wrong.

***

Apart from Abby, all characters featured in this fiction are copyright to Jim Henson Company, Th Muppet Studios and Disney. I own nothing but Abby and the story.

Cool! Aw floyd's upset! ha! sweet story though!

*Spits out drink in surprise* Holy Mackerel, someone read this and commented!

*Ahem*

Thank you!

I read the beginning of this story already and the band competition is on. Bwhahahaha! I am not being evil, but I would like more story please.

U welcome! but i really like it! more please!!

Chapter 2

The tour of the stadium was everything Floyd expected it to be. Boring, pretentious and utterly pointless. All the while, he kept thinking about other things they could be wasting their time on. Heck, even a gig at a birthday party or grocery store sounded good. However, his band mates seemed to be oblivious to this painful fact.

“And here is the stage for yours and B.L.T’s performances,” Abby said as they reached the centre stadium.

“No kidding,” Floyd muttered, dryly.

The stage was at the far end, large with obvious loud colours. Three monitors about fifty feet high circled the main platform, looming over the hundreds of seats that filled the area where the football field usually was.

The lights overhead switched on and off and changed colour as the crew tested them. A few of them were on stage were carrying in The Mayhem’s instruments and putting them in their respectable places. Animal growled at the staff conveying his precious drums.

As they reached the steps, Abby turned to them.

“Right, now that you’re familiar with your surroundings, I’ll just let you settle yourselves in. One more thing.”

She pocketed out five earpieces and handed one to each band member.

“You’ll be needing these during rehearsal. Wait for my cue before you do anything-It’s not for eating!” she hastily added as Animal nearly popped his in his mouth. He pouted at the object.

“Look delicious,” he said, sadly.

“Anyway, must dash! Lots to do!”

As Abby hurried off, Floyd took the chance and grabbed Janice’s arm.

“C’mon, let’s split before she comes back!”

“Floyd!” Janice said, decisively taking back her arm. “Don’t be so, like, mean. She’s been rully nice to us.”

“Besides, we can’t ankle now,” Dr. Teeth added, putting on his own earpiece. “There’s good bread in this!”

“But-”

The band climbed up the steps, ignoring whatever protests Floyd was about to spout. Dr Teeth continued to amble on about different slang for money. Floyd grunted out his frustration as Animal dragged him away.

***

As it turned out, B.L.T (the name still made Floyd cringe) were running very late, but they decided to begin without them. The earpieces were so Abby could speak instructions into their ears, which gave Animal a shock when he heard the woman’s voice talking when she was no-where in sight. Floyd laughed for the first time in days as he watched Animal scream in terror and duck behind his drums for protection from the mysterious voice. All she said was hi.

Eventually, he calmed him down and they went underway with the technical rehearsal. As the band played some of their favourite songs, Abby and other crewmembers spoke into their ears about positions, lighting and other things. They paused the performance occasionally to ask them to change something or fix some lighting. Floyd was beginning to enjoy himself, to his own amazement.

However, his happiness was short-lived.

About a half hour later, he spotted a man marching down the aisle, followed by Abby. He stopped playing as he watched the furious brunette haggle the man, who was trying to argue back.

Apart from his over usage of the tan bottle, everything about the stranger was silver. Silver suit, silver shoes, silver tie, purple sunglasses, even his hair (big at the front with a fancy ponytail) was a silvery blonde. His face was long and sharp, like a dagger, and had a look of annoyance.

Floyd felt a nudge in his ribs. “Honey,” Janice said. “Why did you st-”

He shushed her and pointed at their visitors. Her eyes followed his finger and then she too stopped playing. Soon the rest of the band caught their drift.

“Just because a mob of brainless girls attacked you for an hour and a half straight does not excuse any of that!” Abby was yelling. Her expression reminded Floyd of a vicious hyena, the complete opposite to the friendly Brit they met earlier. The pair reached the bottom and the silver man turned to Abby.

“Well, I’m sorry, Alex, but they were completely out of my power and the bodyguards were utterly rubbish! And I swear, I did set the alarm this morning so I don’t know how those boys slept through that!”

He was also a Brit, but his voice was more stuffy and drawling.

“But we’re here now, so will you let it go so we get on with this fu- OW!”

Abby jabbed his chest with an elegant finger.

“Now, listen here Pembrooke!” Another jab as she said his name. “I run a tight schedule, so when I say you are to arrive here at 10:30, I expect you to do so! You want this concert to be a success? Then get your finger out and get those boys in shape. That’s your job! May I remind you this is the fifth time this week! And I also expect you to get my name right!”

She podded him several more times as she spoke, while Pembrooke winced and twitched.

“Alright, alright! Don’t ruin the suit!” he exclaimed, slapping her hand away. He smoothed out his clothes and fixed his already perfect hair.

“I promise you, Debbie, I’ll do better next time!”

Abby folded her arms and glowered at him. Floyd got the feeling this wasn’t the first time he made that ‘promise’.

Pembrooke ignored her and shouted towards the other side of the stadium.

“Boys! Forget the make-up! Get to the stage, pronto!”

“I would count on it, Tin Man!” said Floyd, finally speaking up. “By the looks of ‘em dudes, they’ll be there for hours!”

He followed his own joke with his trademark raspy laugh. Animal laughed too, though not really understanding why.

“SHINY MAN!”

They got Pembrooke’s attention as he finally turned and noticed the band. After getting over his initial shock, he rolled his eyes.

“Oh, really, Cadance?” he drawled. “You hired the Muppets as the supporting band?”

“Actually, my fine, shiny friend,” Dr Teeth chimed in. “The Muppets is what you would calls us if we were with our green, flippered froggy and co. But on our own, we am, is and be, they who are known as, the Elec-”

“No one is going to take us seriously with this kids’ act opening the concert!” Pembrooke interrupted, dismissing the keyboard player. “Especially one with poor taste in fashion and music!”

The Electric Mayhem all protested at once.

“‘Kids’ act!’”

“‘Poor taste!’”

“Like, what?”

“I’m fifty.”

“SHINY MAN!”

Abby sighed and rubbed her forehead.

“Look, I had some trouble with booking and a lot of bands were unavailable. This was the only one I could find and I was desperate! Um, no offence,” She added to Dr. Teeth.

“It’s cool,” he replied, staring icily at Pembrooke. The silver man sighed dramatically.

“This is going to be a total disaster, I know it!”

And without any warning, he streaked up the aisle, shouting, “Boys! For crying out loud, get a move on! Don’t make me get the wax out!”

“BYE-BYE, SHINY MAN!” Animal hollered, waving.

Floyd’s bad mood returned, scowling at Pembrooke’s ponytail as it disappeared through the exit.

“Man, what’s his beef?”

“Oh, he’s just the boys’ agent. We all know what there like.”

“Not really,” Dr. Teeth said, sarcastically. “Please enlighten us!”

Abby laughed.


***

Apart from Abby and Pembrooke, all characters featured in this fiction are copyright to Jim Henson Company, The Muppet Studios and Disney. I own nothing but my own characters and the story.

Yes! There is going to be fun right now. More soon please!

sweet

This story is awesome! Write more!

Chapter 3

The Muppet Boarding house was having a relatively relaxed and calm summer afternoon. Well, as relaxed and calm as it could be with livestock running wild, explosions from the basement and a Scandinavian chef chasing chickens with a butcher’s knife. The band was in the lounge with Rowlf, who listened intently as they told him about the events from this morning.

“And you should have seen their fans waiting outside!” Dr. Teeth was saying. “If it weren’t for Animal, it would’ve taken us hours to get to our ride, let alone get out of the parking lot!”

“AHAHAHA! WOMEN!”

Rowlf chuckled. “Why am I not surprised?”

Floyd sat hunched on the couch arm, still grumbling.

“‘Poor taste in music.’ Humph! If he thinks were such trash, I’d like to see what he considers music! Does he even know who we’ve worked with? Has he ever done songs with John Denver, Pearl Bailey, Elton John, Lou Rawls and Dizzy Gilespe?!”

“I don’t think he even knows who they are,” Zoot yawned.

Janice whipped out a mirror and mascara from her purse. “I know what you mean, hon,” she said, applying another layer to her eyelashes. “He, like, totally trashed us for our clothes. Has he even looked in a mirror lately or did he just walk into his wardrobe blind this morning? That suit! Ew!”

“Yeah, that suit was so glowing in appearance, we’ll all have to fight Zoot for his shades!” joked Dr. Teeth.

Everyone except Zoot snickered, just as Bunsen entered.

“Good afternoon, everyone! Has anyone seen my Muppet Labs New All-purpose Sweater?” he greeted, cheerfuly.

“Yeah, it was on top of Gaffer last I saw!” Rowlf said, jerking his thumb to the kitchen.

“Oh, goodie! Beaker’s been dying to try it out!”

As the scientist went into the kitchen, the group continued their conversation.

“So what was the band themselves like? Anything like in the papers?”

Floyd hesitated slightly, thinking back to this morning. “Well…

***

Baby, you drive me crazy,
So hazy,
Girl, you’re like a pop tart,
So cool that you’re hot
And to you, I’m not.

As they watched B.L.T. practice, Floyd recoiled in his seat. He knew he wasn’t a great writer himself, but these lyrics! There was un-hip and there was just painful.

The stage was pretty much the same as they left it, except for the disappearance of their instruments and the addition of several back up dancers in grey leotards and jumpsuits. B.L.T. looked the same in the picture as they did in real life, and just as fake looking too. Though Floyd did find it somewhat funny how they seem to recognise the Muppet Band when they first saw them, whispering and pointing before Pembrooke set them to work.

“No, no, no! Stop! Stop!”

The entire cast groaned in frustration as Pembrooke interrupted for the umpteenth that day. The choreographer looked like he was about to burst a blood vessel.

“Guys, what was that? I’ll tell you! That was utter rubbish! Where’s the energy? Where’s the life?”

One of the boys held up his hand as he tried to catch his breath.

“Seriously, Pem, we’re trying,” he gasped. “but I haven’t had a break in weeks! Can we at least take five?”

“I agree with Josh!” said another, in a surprising foreign, non-British accent. “You work us too hard! And why must I wear my trousers like this? I feel stupid!”

Pembrooke waved off their complaints. “Oh, stop whining! Spike, all the girls love a bad boy! Every guy these days wears their trousers like that!”

“Well, I don’t! And it’s Sebastian, not Spike!”

“It is when you’re under my employment!”

Floyd leaned forward to where Janice was sitting, filing her nails. “Hey, you knew that guy was Russian?” When she didn’t respond, he shoved her a little. She unplugged the cotton from her ears.

“Sorry, Floyd. Did you say something?”

***

“I still don’t like them!” Floyd snapped, back in the present. Rowlf raised his paws in defence.

“Hey, never said you did, man.”

A horde of penguins stampeded through the lounge, quacking excitedly, followed by Bunsen.

“Pardon me, friends,” he said, nearing them again. “but one couldn’t help eavesdrop on your conversation a teeny bit!”

After a beat, Floyd said, “Yeah, so?”

“Oh, well I just wanted to say that, while I may not be much in the music department, I do know for a fact that you are the most talented, passionate, energetic, brilliant, grooviest and hippest band I know!”

“Bunsen, they’re the only band you know!”

Dr. Teeth shoved him. “Hush, Rowlf! A compliment’s a compliment!”

“Besides,” Bunsen continued, turning around to leave. “B.L.T. are using new technology to make their singing better!”

The whole room gasped in alarm.

“WHAT?!”

Bunsen stopped and quickly covered his smirking mouth. “Oopsie! I've said too much!”

Floyd jumped up eagerly. “What exactly do you mean, dude?”

The scientist beckoned as he left the room. “Why don’t you come and find out! With science!”

“SCIENCE!” Animal yelled, following Bunsen. Floyd looked at the others, who simply shrugged, and went after them.

A second later, Dr. Teeth returned to drag out a sleeping Zoot.

***

Apart from Pembrooke and the B.L.T. Boys, all characters featured in this fiction are copyright to Jim Henson Company, The Muppet Studios and Disney. I own nothing but my own characters and the story.

This is a great story I live it please continue!

Thanks!

Wait, you live it?! How does that work?

Sorry I meant 'love' LOL

This is an awesome Fanfic! Please continue!
P.S. Is B.L.T a parody of another boy band?

Thanks, galagr! Actually, they're pretty much a parody of boy bands in general, not really a specific one.

I know you did! I was just teasing!