1. Welcome to the Muppet Central Forum!
    You are viewing our forum as a guest. Join our free community to post topics and start private conversations. Please contact us if you need help with registration or your account login.

  2. Sesame Street Season 45
    Sesame Street's 45th season officially begins Monday September 15. After you see the new episodes, post here and let us know your thoughts.

  3. "Muppets Most Wanted" Fan Reactions
    After you see "Muppets Most Wanted", read fan reactions and let us know your thoughts on the Muppets eighth theatrical film.

Da Poil - a musical play

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Winslow Leach, Jun 10, 2008.

  1. Winslow Leach

    Winslow Leach Active Member

    Here's a musical comedy starring (sigh) Lefty. Again. But the material suits him. Really. Anyway, the title of this opus is Da Poil, or The Pearl, if you don't speak Lefty-ese.

    Milo.....Lefty
    Dad.....Sam the Eagle
    Ernest Wiggins (Milo's friend).....Bunsen

    The rest of the characters will be portrayed by various Muppets, and will be identified as they are introduced.
  2. WhiteRabbit

    WhiteRabbit Well-Known Member

    Can't wait, Tony! XD *eagerness* *falls over*
  3. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Hey! Ju! Jes, ju! Da Tommy! Ju still owe me da moneys from da fic about da scary ghost salesman... We're still waiting for that movie okay? And now ju have the nerve to start another fic with dis salesman? Dios mio! Ritzo will never believe dis. Chust so long as there's da part for the good-looking heart-stealing king prawn okay? I leave the stealing of everything else to ju. *Smug laugh.

    Post already before I keep typing as Pepe!
    :roll eyes sarcastic:
  4. Winslow Leach

    Winslow Leach Active Member

    Milo's room. Milo wears a tank top, boxers and tube socks; he has a large pair of headphones on his head, and is dancing around the room, air-guitaring crazily.

    A pounding on the door.

    Milo can't hear the pounding; the music drowns it out. He does a Pete Townshend windmill motion, and falls to his knees, playing his "guitar" with his teeth.

    The door is kicked in by Dad, a stern authority figure. He pounds the stereo, a la the Fonz, and it stops. Milo is confused for a few moments, then realizes he is no longer alone. He takes his headphones off.

    Milo: 'Ey dad, what's da good woid?

    Dad: Milo, is today a school holiday?

    Milo: Uh...naw...

    Dad: Is it the weekend?

    Milo: Is it da...what day is it? February?

    Dad: Today is Hump Day, or as you kids call it...(makes quotation marks in the air) "Wednesday." Feh! You kids and your turkey slang!

    Milo: Why you so uptight, pop?

    Dad: Why am I so uptight?

    Dad sings.

    Dad

    Why am I so uptight?
    My boy wants to know
    Why am I so uptight!
    The nerve of that
    Spoiled-rotten little brat!

    That no-good, lazy
    Crum-bum slacker
    Of a son!
    Bah!

    I can't believe a boy
    Like that shares
    My blood! My flesh!
    He's mine, at least
    That's what the
    Doctor told me!

    But for the boy to
    Ask me why I'm so
    Uptight...on a school day
    No less...well, I'm sorry
    To say, I don't believe
    He's playing with
    A full deck!

    Dad: Put your trousers on, Milo. The school bus will be here any minute.

    Milo (double-take) Not da school bus! Da school bus is fer lame-os!

    Milo (sings)

    Dooo dooo dooo deee
    Dooo dooo dooo deee
    Da school bus is fer lame-os!
    I wouldn't be caught dead ridin' one!
    Oh no, oh no oh no!

    My instant cool cred would
    Be taken away; wedgies would
    Become da norm of da day
    Oh boo hoo, boo hoo,
    Woe is poor Milo,
    Da coolest of da cool,
    Walkin' around wit his
    Underwear--

    Dad: Shut up, boy! If you won't take the school bus, I will drive you to the learning institution myself.

    Milo (quadruple-take) Not in da daddy mobile! Dat's woise dan da school bus, if ya kin believe it! Nah, I tink I'll just stay in bed fer da rest of da day, on accounta youse got me all woiked up!

    Milo leaps into the bed, and pulls the covers over him.

    Dad: Why you impertenant little--

    Ernest Wiggins, Milo's best friend, appears in the room, carrying a stack of books.

    Ernest: Yoo-hoo! Milie! Are you ready for a fun-filled day of learning?

    Dad
    (sputters) What the...? How did you get in here?

    Ernest: The front door was open, silly!

    Dad: Why was the front door open?

    Ernest: I have no idea. Maybe because you just picked up the morning paper?


    Dad: I've done no such thing!

    Ernest: What's that in your hand? A cup of coffee?

    Dad (holds up mug) Yes, as a matter of fact it is. A yummy way to start the day. Yes.

    Ernest: I meant your other hand, silly!

    Dad looks at his other hand, which is holding the morning newspaper.

    Dad: Oh...yes. I suppose I did pick this up...

    Ernest: Why is Milie still in bed?

    Dad: He doesn't feel like going to school today.

    Ernest (staggers backward) Not go to...? But today is spaghetti day! (Dad glares at Ernest) Among other things...(waves at dad, twiddling his fingers)

    Dad: I don't know. Maybe you can rouse him. You seem to be his best friend. I don't know why. You're somewhat of a weirdo.

    Ernest: I...?

    Dad: Look, just talk to the boy, will you? I don't have time to debate your weirdness. If you would like to know what I really think about you, come by Saturday afternoon, and we'll have a nice long chat. Yes. Well. Goodbye. I expect you to get that lazy bum up and out of here.


    Dad leaves.
  5. Winslow Leach

    Winslow Leach Active Member

    Ah yes, Lefty Juice...um...well...er...you see...the thing about that is...:shifty:

    Hey look! Tom Servo is mercilessly putting down Joe Don Baker...again! Looks like poor Joe Don is down for the count, with the little 'bot the winner, as usual!:p
  6. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    That's na foolin' anyone! Though I did have this dream about watching MST3K with the silhouettes spouting quips in Spanish the other night, weird, not what you'd expect. And hey, if youz need help with Leftyjuice... *Splits into two selves, one clad in Ghostbuster gear, the other in devilish Halloween costume. We're here to help!

    Good opening montage... More please? *Distracted by nagging from the real story.
  7. WhiteRabbit

    WhiteRabbit Well-Known Member

    That. made. my. life. =D =D =D Great so far, Tony. Add more soon!
  8. BeakerSqueedom

    BeakerSqueedom Active Member

    HAHAHA!
    X) Bunnie hunnie is...WONDERFUL!
    AHHH!

    x) Lefty, go to school, you dweeb! X)

    Tony...post..MORE! O_O
  9. Winslow Leach

    Winslow Leach Active Member

    Thank you for the kind words, Ailie, Ed and Claudia!:) I shall continue with my next chapter...um...NOW!:p;)
  10. Winslow Leach

    Winslow Leach Active Member

    Ernest approaches the bed.

    Ernest: Yoo-hoo! Milie! Wakey-wakey!

    Lefty: Meh. Go away.

    Ernest: Come now, silly goose! The sun is shining, the bees are buzzing, the birds are twittering (twiddles fingers), why don't you want to go to school today?

    Lefty: I just don't feel like it, ya crum-bum!

    Ernest: Oh, but...

    (Ernest sings)

    Ernest

    In school you learn
    The alphabet, your
    A's and B's and C's,
    You learn exciting
    History, like who
    Chopped off Caesar's knees!

    Tssstssstsssst!

    (spoken)

    Oh dear, I really should have paid more attention in history class!

    (sings)

    The teachers are all
    Really swell, I know
    Them all by first name,
    And when you see
    Mr. Gloop do the twist,
    (does awkward twist move)
    You'll never be the same!

    Gym is boring, yes I know,
    I can't swing a bat, or dodge
    A ball, or climb a rope,
    Or catch a pass, or run
    Without wheezing, or
    Bop a volleyball, or make
    A basket, or--

    Milo covers his head with his pillow, and moans.

    Ernest: Sorry...

    (sings)

    The food is the best,
    The finest cuisine in town,
    Although I usually take
    My mommy's bologna sandwiches,
    Cut into four neat slices
    To satisfy my tummy rumblings

    (spoken)

    I have a spiffy new Chris Crocker lunch box that mommy bought me in Wal-Mart last night. It says "Leave My Food Alone!" on it. Tsssst-sssstssssst! That should give any potential bully second thought on trying to steal my lunch, ey, Milie? I haven't got it with me. I'd like it to get used to its new surroundings before I bring it out into the wonderful world of school!

    Milo groans.

    Milo: Yer gonna miss da bus if youse don't stop yer singin'!

    Ernest: No worries, silly Milie! Lucy comes by a second time for me, if I'm not at the stop when scheduled.

    Milo: Who's Lucy?

    Ernest: Why, the bus driver, silly! Come come now, you're pulling my proverbial leg, Milie! You know her name is Lucy! Everybody knows her name is Lucy! Oh, my stars!


    (sings)

    School can be fun,
    Yes, school can be fun,
    More entertaining than
    Any movie or song,
    Yes, so much more entertaining
    Than anything you can think of!

    Oh, school can be fun,
    Yes, school can be fun,
    Tra la la la la, la la la la
    If you only put your mind to it!
    Huzzah!
    SCHOOL!

    Long pause.

    Milo: Go. Away.

    Ernest: Oh, but I promised your daddy I would--

    Milo: GO AWAY, BEFORE I FORCIBLY EJECT YOU OUT OF MY HOUSE!

    Ernest: Erm...oh, dear...that doesn't sound very pleasant at all...well...I'm going...but I do hope to see you...in the wonderful world of school today! Because...

    (sings)

    School can be fun,
    Yes, school can be fun,
    Tra la la --

    Milo throws his alarm clock at Ernest; Ernest ducks, and the clock shatters against the wall. Ernest emits a high-pitched scream, and runs from the room, fearing for his life.
  11. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Hahahahahaha! Run Bunsun, run! Bunsun? Yeah, well, I had to make it rhyme... Meh, if that crumbum Milo wants to stay in from school, let 'im. So what... Sure he'll miss out on Spaghetti Day, mmm, I can taste the lasagna and meatballs now. Who cares about school anyway... You learn much more and anything more from Sesame anyway.
    *Leaves and nags for more please.
  12. Winslow Leach

    Winslow Leach Active Member

    You got it, dude!;)

    More's a-comin'!
  13. BeakerSqueedom

    BeakerSqueedom Active Member

    ....
    HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
    Roflmao! Omg, CHRIS CROCKER!
    LEAVE MY FOOD ALONE! X3

    Bunsen's so CUTE in this chapter (he's ALWAYS cute).
    That song has a catchy tune!
    It's stuck in my freagin' head!

    AH! OMG!

    CEASER....CHRIS....GLOOP....Tony...you are....GREAT!
    ROFLMAO!

    Lefty's such a ittle PUNK!
  14. Winslow Leach

    Winslow Leach Active Member

    Milo's room, later.

    Milo (staring at the ceiling) Huh. I'm gettin' kinda bored layin' aroun' here...riiiiiiight! Besides, my stomach clock just went off. Well...I guess I'd better get up an' get some grub...

    -----------------------------------

    In the kitchen, Milo opens the fridge; there is a single bowl of mashed potatoes, covered with Saran Wrap and a jar of mustard...that's all.

    Milo: Feh! Dose mashed potatoes were from last week! Danks a lot, Dad, ya know, fer makin' sure yer growin' boy gets nutrition...ah, I guess I'll hafta go out an' pick sometin' up...hmmm...what do seventeen-year-olds like ta eat best...?

    ----------------------------------------

    Cut to next scene; Milo, wearing a wrinkled shirt and khakis, is in a booth at a cheap diner; the waitress (CAMEO ALERT!) Miss Mousey, is taking his order.

    Milo: One dish 'a oysters on da shell...an' don't skimp on da shells!
  15. Winslow Leach

    Winslow Leach Active Member

    After the meal.

    Milo is stuffed; he is leaning back in the booth, breathing heavily. There is one oyster left.

    Milo: How could I forget...I hate oysters!

    The waitress appears with the check.

    Waitress: Will there be anything else, sir?

    Milo: Naw!

    Waitress: Would you like me to wrap that last one up for you?

    Milo: Naw, leave it. I'm still debating wedder I wanna eat it, or trow it back into da sea!

    The waitress leaves in confusion.

    Milo looks at the check, and does a double-take.

    Milo: Heavens ta moygatroid! All dis fer a dish 'a oysters? At dis price, dey should stuff each one wit poils! Ah...at least I know where my old man keeps his "rainy day" money...heh heh. Trust me...diggin' ta da bottom of his hamper filled with doity underwear is more dan woith it! (beat) Who am I talkin' ta?

    Milo reaches into his pocket, and throws some money on the table.

    Milo: I ain't givin' no tip to da rat, though.

    Milo starts to slide out of the booth, then looks at the lone oyster on his plate; he debates...to eat or not to eat. He lets out a sigh, and decides to finish his meal. He already paid an arm and a leg for it, so why not?

    Milo opens the oyster shell, scoops out the meat, and puts it in his mouth. Suddenly, he screeches in pain.

    Milo: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWW!

    Everyone in the diner stops what they're doing, and stare at Milo. Milo holds his cheek in pain. He puts his hand in his mouth...and pulls out a pearl!

    Milo: What da...? Some filthy crum-bum put a marble in my oyster!

    Milo stands angrily, and addresses the diner.

    Milo: Okay! Which one 'a ya smart-***** put dis here marble in my oyster? Huh? Come on, fess up! Da longer youse remain silent, da longer I'm gonna pound on yer skull!

    The waitress approaches. Milo, assuming she was the one, raises his fist, and punches her in the face; she is immediately out before she hits the floor (well...she *is* a mouse after all...)

    Milo: Heh! I shoulda known! Da one ya least suspect!

    At a nearby table...

    Waldorf: Well, at least now I can eat in this joint without worry that my food has been contaminated!

    Statler: Oh? Why is that?

    Waldorf: 'Cause the rat in the kitchen has just been cold-cocked!

    Statler & Waldorf: Doh, ho ho ho!

    Milo: What are you two geezers laughin' at? Ya tink dis is funny dat I almost broke a toot' on accounta dis crazy rodent?

    Statler: Why, you fool, that's a pearl!

    Milo: A poil?

    Waldorf: He didn't say "poil," he said "pearl," heh heh heh!


    Milo: You mean dis isn't a marble?

    Waldorf: Not unless the oyster was playing for penny candy!


    Beat.

    Milo: I'M RICH! RICH, DO YA HEAR ME?

    Statler: Nice meeting you, Rich!

    Statler & Waldorf: Doh, ho ho ho!

    Milo: YIPPPEEEE!

    Milo jumps for joy, and runs out of the diner.

    Waldorf: What a strange young man.

    Statler: Yes. That's the first time I've ever seen anyone leave this place with a smile, instead of dialing 9-1-1!

    Statler & Waldorf: Doh, ho ho ho!
  16. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Ooh! A 2fer! *Reads the diner scene. Yaey! Miss Mousey! <333. *Goes on to the follow-up after the meal. Statler and Waldorf too? Oh, this is proving to be... *Reads again. He did what? *Conks Lefty with a steel-reinforced clown mallet. Noone does that to ma goil! You good far nothing crumbum! Na, you're wois than a crumbum... Youz is nothing more than guttah trash! *Smashes the lead star into a potato pancake of his former self.

    Sorry youz had to see that Tommy. Um, more please? After that joik gets outta the hospital of course.
    *Raspberry (cause I can't type the Ernie "stick out tongue" smilie).
  17. Winslow Leach

    Winslow Leach Active Member

    A swanky jewelry store.

    J.P. Grosse, the owner of the store, is gleefully putting a check into the cash register, just handed to him by an exiting penguin wearing a top hat, and twirling a cane. As soon as the check is deposited in the register, Grosse calls to the back room.

    Grosse: Corky! Corky, get out here, boy!

    Corky (Beaker) pokes his head out from the back room.

    Corky: Meep?

    Grosse: Yes now!

    Corky walks to the front of the desk, as if he were a customer. Grosse, barely containing his anger, speaks through gritted teeth.

    Grosse: Get behind here!

    Corky slowly walks behind the desk and stands next to Grosse.

    Grosse: Now listen to me, boy. I have a very important luncheon engagement that I'm already late for. I would like you to hold down the fort until I get back.

    Corky looks left, then right, confused. Fort?

    Corky: Meep?

    Again, Grosse contains his temper. Barely.

    Grosse: It's a figure of speech...

    Corky makes a gesture as if to say "oooooh!" He puts his hand to his temple and shakes his head.

    Grosse: All you have to do is stand here and watch the store. If a customer comes in, you must sell them something. Even if they're only browsing, you absolutely must make sure he or she leaves the store with something. Anything. Got me, boy? Anything. I'm not asking you, I'm telling you! If I come back, and see a customer leaving here empty-handed, you're fired! Got me?

    Corky salutes Grosse.

    Grosse: I shouldn't be gone more than an hour. Let's see...an hour...that's at least five or six sales right there...

    Grosse puts on his hat and coat; as he starts to leave...

    Corky: Meep!

    Grosse turns.

    Corky points to Grosse, then to his own stomach, and rubs it contentedly, as if he has just eaten a fine meal. He makes an "okay" sign with his fingers.

    Grosse: I doubt it. I'm having lunch with the frog again. Wants me to extend the lease on that ratty old theatre. I tell ya, that guy only knows one song. And it ain't "Rainbow Connection."

    Grosse exits the store.

    Apparently this is Corky's first time behind the counter. He struts around proudly, imagining he is Grosse; he waggles his finger in anger at an imaginary employee, most likely himself, and meeps him out. He hikes his trousers up, and pretends he's making a sale. He tips an imaginary hat to an imaginary customer, and chuckles.

    Corky doesn't get out much.
  18. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    *Chuckles... Corky is quirky... And I'm waiting for a certain Claudia to join me for raving here. You haven't seen her have you? She doesn't get out much either. Oh well...

    *Sits down to eat some hardboiled eggs with Sprite waiting for next chapter.
  19. Winslow Leach

    Winslow Leach Active Member

    The school grounds, lunchtime...

    Ernest is being bullied by Andy and Randy, two brain-dead swine.

    Ernest: Oof! Oh please, Mr. Andy...Mr. Randy...have mercy on me! Don't...oof...shove me anymore...

    Andy: But it's fun!

    Randy: Hee, yeah, and besides your head looks like a...a...hey Andy, what's that fruit called? You know, the kind that looks like his head?

    Andy: Uh...a kumquat?

    Randy: Yeah! Hee, your head looks like a kumquat! Kumquat head!

    Andy & Randy (as they shove Ernest back and forth) Kumquat head! Kumquat head!

    Ernest (sings, as the two pigs continue to shove him)

    Oh, why must I be the most
    Abused boy in school?
    It kinda makes me wanna cry

    I wish I was big and strong,
    Like Superman, then I would
    Poke these piggies in the eye!

    Everyday they beat me up,
    Punch me, knock me down,
    Steal my lunch money

    Why?

    What have I done to deserve this?


    Randy: I could do this all day!

    Andy: Yeah! (beat) Do what?

    Randy (as he continues to shove Ernest) Uhhhh...I forgot...

    Andy: Me too!

    Ernest (sings)

    What I wouldn't give to
    Go to a school where I'm
    Not the goat, nobody's fool

    I guess I have no choice
    But to take it; it's too late
    To become cool nooooowwwww...

    Andy: Apple head! Apple head! Lookit the little apple head!

    Randy: Was that what we called him before?

    Andy: Yeah! Banana head! Hee! Banana head! Banana head!

    Randy: Banana head! Banana head!

    Milo: 'Ey! Why doncha pick on someone yer own size!

    Ernest, Andy and Randy turn. Milo is standing close by.

    Ernest: Milie! Thank heavens!

    Milo: Step aside, Ernest. I'm about to have a pig roast!

    Randy: Aw, come on!

    Andy: Yeah! You always spoil our fun!

    Milo: I'll make a deal with youse. Youse two leave da twirp alone, and I won't hoit ya...startin' tomorrow, 'cause it's too late now, I'm all fired up! Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!

    Andy: Last time you punched my snout in so hard, my mommy had to get her gardening shears to...un-snout it!

    Randy: Yeah. And last time you...you...you ripped my favorite shirt!

    Milo: Well I hope da one yer wearin' today ain't yer favorite...

    Milo gets into a fighter's stance. There is murder in his eyes. Ernest may be a geek, but he's still Milo's best friend. Andy and Randy look at each other, trembling.

    Suddenly, from out of nowhere, a loud, ear-piercing SCREECH is heard from above. All look up and see a GIANT VULTURE swoop down from the sky.

    The vulture picks up Randy in its talons, and flies away. Randy's screams die down as he is carried away to his doom.

    Milo, Ernest and Andy stare at the sky, dumbfounded.

    O______________________________O

    Andy: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANDY ! ! ! !

    Andy runs away in tears.

    Milo: Whoa. What are da odds of dat happenin'?

    Ernest: Well, let me calculate...the velocity of--

    Milo: Willya shaddap? Yer not in da classroom, and more important, yer not bein' bullied anymore.

    Ernest: Would you like to play tag? You can be "it"!

    Milo: Er...sounds fun, but uh...I gotta do sometin'.

    Ernest: It's not too late to come to class. You only missed half the day.

    Milo: Maybe some other time. Da only reason why I stopped ere was on accounta its on da way to...to...da place I gotta go...riiiiiight!

    Ernest: Where could you be going at this time of day, if not school?

    Milo: Er...da library! Riiiiiiiiiight! I hafta retoin dis overdue book...


    Ernest: What overdue book?

    Milo: ...da one dat I...have overdue...

    Ernest: The library is that way. (points in the direction Milo just came from)

    Milo: Of course it is! But um...I hafta go home ta get da book dat's overdue...

    Ernest: Your home is that way too.

    Milo: Look, are youse gonna let me go, or gimme da fifth degree? I hafta do sometin', Buster Brown, an' I have ta do it now!

    Ernest: Can I come?

    Milo: When?

    Ernest: When school gets out silly!


    Milo: Nope! I gotta do dis now, too bad! I was just about ta ask if ya wanted ta come, too...:shifty:

    Ernest: Oh, drat! Well, after school will you tell me where you're off to in such a hurry?

    Milo: Yeah, sure, whatever...seeya kid!


    Milo scoots away.

    Ernest: Bye, Milie!

    (school bell rings)

    Ernest: Oh my stars! If I don't hurry, I'm going to be late for Dr. Van Neuter's chemistry class! Ooooh!

    Ernest flamboyantly runs into the school.
  20. Winslow Leach

    Winslow Leach Active Member

    The jewelry store. Corky is reading a comic book as Milo comes in. Corky looks up at Milo, then back at his comic; Corky does a double-take. Oh yeah! HE'S in charge now! He flings the comic behind his back, straightens his shirt, and comes from behind the counter. He crosses to Milo, extending his hand.

    Corky: Meep!

    Milo: 'Ey, I wanna--

    Corky pumps Milo's hand.

    Milo: Yeah, nice ta meet youse too, look, I wanna--

    Corky puts his arm around Milo, and walks him to a case full of watches. He points to one in particular that is rather expensive, points to Milo, and makes a "perfection kiss" gesture with his hand.

    Milo: No tanks, not taday...hey, listen...youse guys buy stuff, right? Like jewelry?

    Corky nods in the affirmative.

    Milo: Okay...I want youse ta look at sometin', tell me what it's woith...

    Corky protests, but Milo can't understand him; he's only allowed to make a sale; he has no idea how to appraise jewelry.

    Corky: Meeeeep moo...meeooomeep...meepmeep.

    Milo: Yes, it is a nice day. Aldough I tink it's supposed ta rain later.

    Corky deflates in exasperation.

    Milo looks to his left, then to his right; when he is sure no one is around, he very slowly and very carefully takes the pearl out of his pocket. He proudly holds it up.

    Milo: Ey? Ey? Whaddaya tink of dat baby?

    Corky shrugs. He doesn't know a pearl from a hole in the ground.

    Milo: Kin youse tell me how much it's woith?

    Again, Corky tries to tell Milo that it's not his job to appraise jewelry. He holds up his hand, and raises his index finger; he shakes it, no.

    Milo: Aw, come on! Dis is yer shop, ain't it?

    At that, Corky freezes; HIS shop? Wow! He's really coming up in the world! Less than an hour ago, he was mostly a janitor/gofer for the mighty J.P., now this kid thinks he OWNS the place?

    Corky runs a hand through his hair, smoothing it down. He takes the pearl from Milo, and in a business-like manner, crosses behind the desk. He picks up the eyepiece that Grosse uses to examine jewels more closely, and sticks it in his eye.

    He accidentally pokes himself in the eye with the eyepiece, and staggers backward in pain.

    Corky: Mee!

    Corky rubs his eye, then carefully puts the eyepiece in his better eye; he pretends to know what he's doing, although he hasn't a clue. He rubs his chin in contemplation. A pearl? It could be a fake. And what are pearls worth anyway? Don't ask Corky.

    Milo: Well...is it woith anytin'?

    Corky, too scared to answer, continues to look at the pearl. To play it safe, he decides not to proceed any further. He pops the eyepiece out, shakes his head no, and hands the pearl back to Milo.

    Milo: What da...? I just found dis in an oyster! Youse can't get closer to an actual poil in its natural habitat dan dat!

    Corky shakes his head no.

    Milo: Bah! Youse know nuthin' about jewelry! How'd youse ever get a shop like dis anyway? Dat clock looks like it costs more dan dose stupid clothes yer wearin', ya crum-bum! Fine! If youse don't want my business, I'll take it elsewhere!

    Milo begins to walk out of the shop.

    A sudden, horrible thought pops into Corky's head...

    Grosse: If I come back, and see a customer leaving here empty-handed, you're fired! Got me? Fired...fired...fired...fired...

    Corky: MEEP!

    Milo stops and turns.

    Milo: What?

    Corky lifts the rather large cash register off of the counter, and staggers toward Milo with it. Who knows? The boss could come in at any second, and won't he be so proud to see a customer making off with THE most expensive thing in the store?

    Milo: What am I gonna do wit dat?

    Corky heaves the heavy register onto a glass case; of course, the case shatters, raining glass everywhere, the register crashing to the floor. Corky puts a hand to his mouth in an "uh-oh" gesture. Ah, he's the janitor anyway, right? He'll clean it up. He opens the register, and pulls out wads and wads of bills, all in the over $100-dollar range, as well as checks. He forces them on Milo.

    Milo: All dat...for da poil?

    Corky (nods) Meep!

    Milo: How much is it? Nevermind...

    Milo takes everything from Corky's hand, as well as everything left in the register. As Milo counts, his eyes get wider and wider. When he's done counting, after several minutes, his eyes look as if they're about to pop out of his head. A huge grin spreads across his face.

    Milo: I kin have...all dis...fer da one measly poil?

    Corky nods yes.

    Milo (playing hard, although there's no way he's going to pass up the money) Trow in da register, and youse got yerself a deal!

    Corky nods yes.

    Milo places the pearl in Corky's hand. Milo puts the money into the register, picks it up, and walks gleefully out of the store.

    Corky looks at the pearl again. He shrugs, and tosses the pearl into the air, catching it in his mouth. He does it again. And again. This last time, he almost swallows the pearl. He begins to choke, and flails helplessly around the shop. Finally, he coughs it up, and breathes a sigh of relief. He wipes it off on his sleeve, and drops it in his shirt pocket.

    He crosses behind the counter, picks up his comic book, and resumes reading on the exciting adventures of Scrooge McDuck.


Share This Page

Buy the Muppets Most Wanted Blu-ray and Save 43%!