After hearing yet another athlete who talks in 3rd person, I wrote this. Elmo’s not the only one who talks in 3rd person all the time - though he does do it more than most athletes (though with some I wonder). So, a little parody, and you sports fans see if this doesn’t ring just a bit too true: (Elmo’s world theme) Hi, welcome to Elmo’s World. Gues what Elmo’s thinking bout today. La da da da… (a football falls out of the sky and hits Elmo on the head.) Ow. Elmo wasn’t expecting that. Elmo doesn’t get paid to catch like… (player in Jets’ uniform comes crashing through the door as a Patriots’ player tackles him) Sports. You know, sports. (Footage of various pro athletes performing) Elmo (as Grover enters in his postal service outfit and gives a check to Elmo): Wow. Pro sports are great. Oh, look, it’s Elmo’s friend Grover. What’s this, Grover? (He takes it.) Grover: It is a wonderful invention known as a signing bonus. Elmo: Oh, wow! Elmo loves his signing bonus! Elmo can buy his mom and dad a big, fancy house now. And even one for Dorothy. Thanks, Grover. (He leaves) Now that Elmo has a contract to play for the team that drafted Elmo, Elmo wants to do all he can to bring a world title to his city. But, how can Elmo do that? Let’s ask Mr. Noodle. (Shade opens, revealing Mr. Noodle with a football & a Giants uniform on) Oh, look, it’s Mr. Noodle brother, Mr. Noodle. Mr. Noodle? Show Elmo how you can help bring a championship to our city. Mr. Noodle winds up and pitches the football like a baseball. (Kids scream that’s not how you use a football.) Mr. Noodle tries to dribble the football but it keept bouncing away.) Elmo: Mr. Noodle is nice in the clubhouse, but Elmo doesn’t like how the coach puts Mr. Noodle in the starting lineup when he does that to a football. Elmo thinks Mr. Noodle should be replaced with a better quarterback, because he’s a bad one. Elmo might have to go elsewhere if Mr. Noodle is going to stay at quarterback. (Mr. Noodle throws like a quarterback this time. He pumps his fists in the air as the crowd cheers and a ref shouts “touchdown).) Elmo: That’s it, Mr. Noodle. Elmo didn’t say Mr. Noodle was a bad quarterback - Elmo was misquoted.. (Turns toward the camera) And now, Elmo has a question for you. And Elmo’s going to ask that question. Because that’s Elmo’s job, and Elmo has to do what’s right for Elmo. That’s all I could think of for now - but I’m sure you can think of even more J The way pro athletes talk at times is just mind-boggling. Thankfully there are some who are very well-versed, pleasant, and civil toward everyone.