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For Those Who Reed and Right

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Fozzie Bear, May 17, 2004.

  1. Fozzie Bear

    Fozzie Bear Well-Known Member

    This was emailed to me by a friend named Tina; source unknown.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------

    We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
    but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.

    One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
    yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

    You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
    yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

    If the plural of man is always called men,
    why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

    If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
    and I give you a boot, would a pair be called
    beet?

    If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, why
    shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

    Then one may be that, and three would be those,
    yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
    and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

    We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
    but though we say mother, we never say methren.

    Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
    but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.

    Let's face! it! - English is a crazy language.

    There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
    neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

    English muffins weren't invented in England. We
    take English for granted.

    But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
    quicksand can work slowly,
    boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is
    neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

    And why is it that writers write but fingers don't
    fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

    Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but
    not one amend?

    If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid
    of all but one of them, what do you call it?

    If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

    If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a
    humanitarian eat?

    Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up
    speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the
    verbally insane.

    In what other language do people recite at a play
    and play at a recital?

    Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

    Have noses that run and feet that smell?

    How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the
    same, while a wise man and a wise guy are
    opposites?

    You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a
    language in which your house can burn up as it
    burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and
    in which an alarm goes off by going on.

    If Dad is Pop, how's come Mom isn't Mop?

    AUTHOR UNKNOWN or is it KNOTKNOWN?
     
  2. Fozzie

    Fozzie Well-Known Member

    IT is kind of odd but pretty creative!
     
  3. Don'tLiveonMoon

    Don'tLiveonMoon Well-Known Member

    That's classic, Kevin! :) Have you by chance read "Eats Shoots and Leaves," the bestseller in Britain that recently came to America all about punctuation and the improper use of it? That's a different side of grammar but your post reminded me of it. It's one I've been wanting to read. Sounds like it's a hilarious book and a must-read for anyone who is a stickler for grammar. We've been selling a lot of copies at Walden's.
    Erin
     
  4. anathema

    anathema Well-Known Member

    In which case it's quite ironic that you omitted the comma:

    "Eats, Shoots & Leaves"
     
  5. Don'tLiveonMoon

    Don'tLiveonMoon Well-Known Member

    :crazy: I can never figure out which way the title is supposed to read, since the panda is in the process of affixing a comma on the title page... :p Of course, the beauty of that phrase is that it's grammatically correct either way, as long as it's used in its proper context.
    Erin
     
  6. anathema

    anathema Well-Known Member

    Indeed :) I assume you're familiar with the joke to which that is the punchline?
     
  7. Don'tLiveonMoon

    Don'tLiveonMoon Well-Known Member

    Indeed I am. ;)
    Erin
     
  8. Fozzie Bear

    Fozzie Bear Well-Known Member

    What's the joke? :zany:
     
  9. Don'tLiveonMoon

    Don'tLiveonMoon Well-Known Member

    It's an oldie but goodie. Here's one version:

    A panda walked into a cafe. He ordered a sandwich, ate it, then pulled out a gun and shot the waiter. 'Why?' groaned the injured man. The panda shrugged, tossed him a badly punctuated wildlife manual and walked out. And sure enough, when the waiter consulted the book, he found an explanation. 'Panda,' read the entry for his assailant. 'Large black and white mammal native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.'
    Erin
     
  10. anathema

    anathema Well-Known Member

    A panda walked into a cafe. He ordered a sandwich, ate it, then pulled out a gun and shot the waiter. 'Why?' groaned the injured man. The panda shrugged, tossed him a badly punctuated wildlife manual and walked out. And sure enough, when the waiter consulted the book, he found an explanation. 'Panda,' ran the entry for his assailant. 'Large black and white mammal native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.'
     
  11. anathema

    anathema Well-Known Member

    Ya beat me to it!
     
  12. Don'tLiveonMoon

    Don'tLiveonMoon Well-Known Member

    LOL! I'm seeing double!
    Erin
     
  13. anathema

    anathema Well-Known Member

    I get that too at times!

    Reality is an illusion caused by insufficient alcohol, y'know...
     
  14. Fozzie Bear

    Fozzie Bear Well-Known Member

    The joke so nice they post it twice!! HAAA!! I like it.
     
  15. anathema

    anathema Well-Known Member

    But did you laugh twice as much?
     
  16. Manda:-D

    Manda:-D Well-Known Member

    I think I laughed HALF as much... ;)
     
  17. anathema

    anathema Well-Known Member

    But twice as hard :-P
     
  18. Fozzie Bear

    Fozzie Bear Well-Known Member

    I'm so TOTALLY lost now...mommy? :concern: :o
     
  19. anathema

    anathema Well-Known Member

    Have you tried Hare Krishna?
     
  20. Lazy J

    Lazy J Active Member

    :sing: Gotta four-wheel drive and I park it in the driveway
    When I get drunk I drive it on the parkway :sing:
    sorry that just came to mind
     


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