Frights, Camera, Action: A Muppet Mystery

Muppet Newsgirl

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Here now is another Muppet mystery, my third so far. I've been working on this one for quite a while now - it kept getting stuck, but I'm going to try to see it through to completion.

Synopsis:

The city of Hensonville is getting ready to host its first locally-made film festival, "Reel Time," sponsored by the local filmmakers' society, and the Muppets are invited to take part.

Our heroes decide to make a ghost story movie called "Ghoul on the Hill." And they have the perfect location in mind - Castle Irene, a long-deserted mansion located just outside of town.

But, as soon as the Muppets arrive and start filming, things start going wrong, of course. And it's not accidental - someone, or something, is intent on stopping the Muppets from doing their movie.

Who could it be? Could it be a rival filmmaker who badly wants to win the festival? Or...could those rumors about Castle Irene being haunted actually be true?

The first chapter will be posted later tonight - I'm polishing it as we speak.
 

Muppet Newsgirl

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Here be the first chapter. Also, I forgot to mention that I'm bringing back Nora, the bookshop assistant and budding writer from the first two fics.

Statler: Frights, Camera, Action - I hear there's going to be ghosts in there.
Waldorf: Yeah, the ghosts of all the acts that died at this theater.

(both men guffaw)

Chapter One: Hey, a Movie…Festival

“Here is a Muppet news flash!” The Newsman slid into view behind his desk, teletypes clicking away madly in the background. “A freak winter storm has locked in the city and the surrounding suburbs, closing schools and businesses and delaying public transit. The storm is expected to dump at least three feet of…” The Newsman was cut off when three giant snowman-like feet plummeted down from the ceiling and exploded in a wintry froth all over the desk.

“I hate these weather reports.”

Meteorological jokes aside, the Hensonville metropolitan area was indeed caught in the grip of a February snowstorm. Buses and delivery trucks found themselves slipping and sliding on the roads, all trains in and out of the station at Nelson Square were either diverted or canceled, and a number of shop owners didn’t even bother opening.

So it came as a surprise to some of the Muppet Show cast and crew when Kermit called them all up early that morning and asked them to try to make their way somehow or other down to the Muppet Theater at 11 a.m.

“Look at this,” Skeeter said as she and her brother Scooter now shuffled through the drifts piling up on Hunt Street. “You’d think we were in the middle of a new ice age.”

“I know – I even saw a woolly mammoth back on Prell Street,” Scooter said, hugging his sides for warmth. “Come to think of it, that might have been Snuffy.”

“Hey, guys, wait up!” a voice called behind them.

Scooter and Skeeter turned to see their friend Nora jogging behind them, her dark blue braid streaming out behind her in the wind.

“Hi, Nora – you’re not going down to the shop today, are you?” Scooter asked.

“No way. Mrs. Farley said if it keeps snowing like this, we won’t re-open until April,” Nora grinned. When she wasn’t helping out backstage at the theater, Nora held a part-time job at Coming Unbound, a bookstore on Henson Street. “So what does Kermit want?” she asked as the three arrived at the theater.

Skeeter shrugged. “Beats me. All he said was that some big shot was making some announcement at the theater. His words, not mine.”

The three of them stumbled up the steps and into the backstage area, stamping the snow off of their boots and rubbing their hands and faces.

“Move it, kids, Kermit’s got everyone in the audience,” Pops said as he fumbled around for his fly swatter.

Scooter, Skeeter and Nora kicked off their boots and threw their coats into a pile by Kermit’s desk and made a run for the stage.

Most of the Muppets were out in the audience, while Kermit stood talking with an oily-voiced man in a loud checked suit.

“Kermit, we’re really pleased that you’re letting us use your little theater to make our big announcement,” the man said.

“Uh, we’re really flattered, Mr. DePille – but you still haven’t told me why you couldn’t just put out an ad in the paper instead of dragging us all in here.”

“Kermit, you should know all about it!" The man protested. "The drama! The instant reaction!”

“The frostbite!” Statler yelled as he and Waldorf took their usual seats in the stage left box.

As Scooter, Skeeter and Nora took their seats in the second row with Fozzie, Miss Piggy and Gonzo, they noticed two men and two women seated up on stage. They were all wearing fuchsia sweatshirts with film reels and boxes of popcorn emblazoned on them.

Kermit walked up to the microphone. “Hi-ho, everyone, and welcome to the…well, not the Muppet Show. Thanks for coming down, sorry about the weather, but our guest here insisted. So without further ado, or a-don’t, here’s Cecil B. DePille.”

The man in the loud checked suit walked up to the microphone.

“Thank you, Kermit. Good morning, everyone, I am Cecil B. DePille, president of the Hensonville Filmmakers, Film Watchers and Popcorn Munchers Society – there’s the rest of the board seated over there.” He pointed to the fuchsia sweatshirts. “Thanks for coming, and I’m really sorry you had to come through the snow…”

“The heck you are, Cecil,” someone out in the audience yelled.

“Come on, I had a good reason.” Cecil cleared his throat. “Okay…the Hensonville Filmmakers, Film Watchers and Popcorn Munchers Society will be sponsoring the city’s first locally-made film festival, ‘Reel Time.’”

An excited murmur went up through the audience.

“Sure, sure, we’ve hosted a lot of other film festivals in our time – after all, the Canned Film Festival was lots of fun, and so was the Raindance…”

Miss Piggy wrinkled her snout. “Raindance was a perfect joke. Nothing but footage of tornadoes and hurricanes.”

“Are you kidding? That movie about low-pressure systems was genius!” Gonzo replied.

“But this will be a chance for our own to strut their cinematic stuff!” Cecil was saying. “And you, the Muppets – we all know you’ve had some success in the world of movies…so we’re inviting you to join ‘Reel Time.’” He turned. “What do you say, Kermit?”

“Let’s go for it, Kermit!” Fozzie yelled. Several others voiced their approval.

“Well, it sounds fun…of course it all depends on what we’re doing next month.” He turned to the audience. “Scooter, what’s on the schedule?”

Scooter thought for a minute. “Just auditions. We’ve got dancing llamas, accountants who sing barbershop quartet, Manny Kaye the tuned clam player…”

“We’ll do the festival,” Kermit said, without waiting for Scooter to finish.

***

That's the first chapter. Chapter two will be along as soon as possible. Stay tuned...
 

The Count

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Nice enough opening. Yes, I caught the reference in the title. Clever use of Newsie's unfortunate history at reading the various bulletins. Cecil B. DePille? Hmm, I've heard that name before. Cecil B. DeVille, no Cecil B. Demented, not that either. Oh well. Interested to find out what's next as always. More please?
 

Muppet Newsgirl

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Thanks, Ed: the next chapter will be along either tonight or tomorrow night.
 

Muppet Newsgirl

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Turns out I had it ready tonight, so here is Chapter Two.

***

Chapter Two: All Storm and No Brains

It was easy enough for the Muppets to announce that they would make a movie to enter into “Reel Time.”

But five days after Cecil DePille’s big announcement at the theater, the Muppets hadn’t done anything, other than argue over plotlines and throw pencils at the ceiling in the writers’ room at the theater.

“That is the most ridiculous idea I’ve ever heard," Miss Piggy snorted. “’War and Peace’ set in a laser tag arcade?"

“Well, at least my script doesn’t have 10 pages of mushy kissing," Link Hogthrob retorted.

Beaker was pointing to his script. “Mee. Mee-mee-mo-meep!"

“Well, yes, Beaker, my friend, but shouldn’t I be the one playing the scientist in that scene?" Bunsen asked.

“Mee-mee-mee!" Beaker shook his head angrily.

Down at the far end of the table, Sam was on another one of his rants, this one directed at the Electric Mayhem. “I can’t believe that you would have the audacity to suggest we do a film full of long-haired weirdoes and sick music. I suggest that we do a good, old-fashioned epic, the triumph of hard work and clean living over the face of adversity…”

“And he thinks we’re sick," Floyd muttered to Janice.

Kermit rapped his coffee cup on the table. “Guys, can I have quiet here!"

As the din quieted down slightly, two more voices could be heard arguing.

“Gobo Fraggle, that’s the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard!"

“Oh, yeah, your idea wouldn’t stand up under the weight of a rumblebug.”

In his seat nearest the door, Scooter looked up from his clipboard to see Gobo and Red heading down the hallway on their way back to the Fraggle hole.

“Hi, guys, what’s up?"

“Oh, hi, Scooter," Red said. “We heard about that film festival, so we’re entering something, too.”

“Yeah, just got the paperwork and everything," Gobo said. “We’re doing a documentary on my uncle Traveling –“

“We are not!" Red raged. “We are doing the sports drama about the rock hockey finals and that’s that!" The two Fraggles headed off, still arguing.

Skeeter leaned back in her chair, sighed and threw two more pencils at the ceiling.

“Look guys, let’s just try to come up with something so we can all go home," Kermit said. “I think something will hit us before long.”

CRACK.

A pencil-riddled portion of the ceiling finally gave way and collapsed, sending chunks of plaster and several cardboard boxes from the attic crashing down on everyone’s heads.

Kermit looked over at Skeeter. “How many pencils did you guys throw up there?"

“A few…” She paused. “Dozen.” She paused again. “Hundred.”

“What the hey," Kermit sighed. He looked at some of the boxes. “Wonder what’s in here, anyway.”

Scooter brushed dust off of one of the boxes and opened it. “This one’s marked ‘Unfinished Masterpieces.’” He opened it. “It’s all those play scripts that we never used!"

Gonzo peered into the box and gasped with delight. “I was wondering where this one had gone!" He eagerly pulled out a faded sheaf of blue script paper.

The title on the top page said “Ghoul on the Hill.”

Robin leaned in from his perch on a chair arm and read aloud from the synopsis: “The mad magician, Lord Cyril Wringing-Necke, has died, and remembered seven seemingly lucky people in his will. He has left behind clues to a valuable treasure buried on his estate – but Lord Wringing-Necke, being suitably evil, has remained behind in spirit form, to torment his heirs with all manner of obstacles and booby traps.”

“Freaky," Floyd said approvingly.

“Like, totally wow," Janice agreed.

“GHOST! GHOST!" Animal yelled before Floyd yanked on his chain.

“That was supposed to be for our annual Halloween show, wasn’t it?" Fozzie asked. “Wonder why we never used it – that would have been really fun.”

Sam tsked. “It was a convoluted farce about mad magicians and pie fights. I’m not surprised it got banished to the attic.”

“So what do you think, guys?" Kermit asked. “Show of hands!"

Everyone’s hands or wings, except for Sam and for Link Hogthrob (he really wanted to do laser tag), went up.

“Great. So we’ll start work on the sets, I think we have that old haunted dungeon set lying around somewhere…”

“Kermit, please, we don’t need to build a set. I have just the perfect location in mind," Gonzo stood up. “Follow me.” He started to run upstairs to the attic. The others looked at each other for a moment, but stood and followed.

In the attic, Gonzo sidestepped a few tattered boxes of rubber chickens, as well as the gaping hole in the floor, and pointed out the attic window. “There.”

“The old vacuum factory?" Fozzie asked, confused.

“No, higher. Look up on the ridge.”

Outside, they could see the hills rising up on the city’s western edge. On the crest of the highest hill, a grayish-colored old mansion was just visible.

“That’s Castle Irene," Nora frowned.

“Isn’t that the place that’s always getting written up in ‘Haunted Hensonville?" Robin wondered.

“Yeah, and didn’t that one old lady claim that the house’s former owners tried to hex her or something?" Scooter added.

“So?" Gonzo asked. “It’s a haunted house, and we’re doing a ghost story. It’ll be perfect!"

“Sounds cheery to me," Miss Piggy said sarcastically. “Does anyone even live there?"

“I don’t think anyone’s lived there in years," Kermit said.

“The place belongs to the city – you need their permission to get in there," Nora said.

***

The young clerk in the film office at City Hall had been fielding a lot of weird requests from “Reel Time” contestants, not to mention the film society, but the Muppets’ request stopped her in her tracks.

“Let me get this straight," she said after staring incredulously at them for a few moments. “You really want to do your movie at Castle Irene?"

“You heard the frog," Fozzie said cheerfully.

The clerk sat there for a few seconds more. “It’s your funeral," she sighed as she slid open a drawer and pulled out a form with “Application for Filming Permit” printed on top. “Fill this out and bring this back with $20.” She added, “The police will have Castle Irene’s keys.”

“Thanks, miss," Kermit said as he and the others headed off.

“Gee, what do you think she meant by ‘It’s your funeral?'" Fozzie asked.

***

Waldorf: Hmm, hole in the ceiling. Gives new meaning to razing the roof.
Statler: Yeah, too bad it didn't take the rest of the theater with it!

Stay tuned for Chapter Three.
 

Fragglemuppet

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Ohoh, another intriguing masterpiece from Erin! Going great so far; can't wait to read more!
:smile:
 

Muppet Newsgirl

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Thanks, Kate - we aim to please.

Waldorf: Aim, yes. Actually hit, no.

Here's part three.

***

Chapter Three: Castle Irene

“Okay, the soundboard needs to go in the back, and the props chest needs to go there – where are those banana cream pies?” Scooter called as he dodged a rolling costume rack.

“Eeesh de herm der banana-nana pies,” the Swedish Chef called as he loaded a giant insulated cooler into the back of the Electric Mayhem bus.

It was the morning of the first day of filming of “Ghoul on the Hill.” The street in front of the Muppet Theater had turned into a loading dock as the Muppets loaded equipment, props and goodness-knows-what-else onto the bus.

Scooter made a few tick marks on the clipboard. “Right, pies, cameras, microphones, motorized rubber chickens…” Scooter paused. “Motorized rubber chickens?” He shrugged. “Right…okay, Skeeter’s loading the lights and – whoa!” Scooter ducked as one of Lew Zealand’s fish went sailing past. “Nora should be back with the photocopied scripts, and…”

“Excuse me, I’m looking for Kermit the Frog,” a voice said crisply.

Scooter looked up from his clipboard. A woman with bobbed brown hair, wearing slacks and a fuchsia film society film sweatshirt stood there.

“He’s off taking care of something,” Scooter said. “Can I help you?”

“Yes, I’m Maggie Pye, the film society’s second vice president. Cecil sent me to tell you that there’s going to be a meetup of all the Reel Time contestants tonight.”

“That’s great, where’s it going to be?”

“Jim’s Coffee Shop, at eight…” Her phone rang. “Hello? Yes, Cecil, we have that…Cecil, for the millionth time, that’s impossible!” She frowned. “All right, I’ll see you in a bit.” She hung up. “Eight o’clock, we'll see you then.” With that, she was off.

Kermit emerged from inside the theater, reading a map. “All right, Castle Irene is at 16 Serling Road, in the neighborhood of Vertigo Heights.” He nodded. “Nice name. How’s the loading going, Scooter?”

“Fine, boss, we’ll be ready to leave in a flash!”

Crazy Harry emerged from behind a box of gear. “Did somebody say flash?”

BOOM!

Miss Piggy coughed and choked as she came outside, clutching a duffel bag containing her makeup and accessories. “He’s not bringing his firecrackers up to the movie set, is he? If he is…”

“Calm down, Miss Piggy,” Kermit said. “Save your rage for when Uncle Deadly unleashes the rubber spiders on you in the movie.”

Miss Piggy paused. “Rubber spiders?”

“Only the best!” Uncle Deadly called from inside the bus. “Black widows and tarantulas and brown recluses!”

“Okay, cool cats and cuddly kittens, it’s all a-board!” Dr. Teeth yelled from behind the wheel of the bus.

***

The previous week’s snowfall left a sheen of ice on some of the hilliest roads around Hensonville.

Add to this the fact that the Mayhem bus’s brakes and transmission only passed the two-year inspections by the grace of some higher power.

All this was weighing very heavily on Kermit’s mind as the Muppets rattled their way up to Vertigo Heights a short time later.

“Uh, Dr. Teeth, are you sure the bus doesn’t need a tuneup?” Kermit asked over the wheeze and roar of the shifting gears.

“Oh, positively,” the band’s toothy frontman replied as he drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. “Gave it one myself just yesterday.”

“What’d you do, check the oil and stuff?”

“Nope, played it the scales in A.” Dr. Teeth laughed. The rest of the Mayhem joined in.

“Fer sure…”

“TUNE-UP! TUNE-UP!”

“Cool it, Animal, cool it!”

The bus continued climbing up on the main road through Vertigo Heights. The road was so steep in spots that the bus’s engine groaned and shuddered a few times.

“Okay, turn left onto Serling Road! It’s this next turn!” Scooter called, intently staring at a map.

Dr. Teeth shifted gears on the bus. “To every season, turn…turn…turn…”

But before the bus could turn, a black van appeared around a bend and zoomed down the road in the opposite direction, nearly cutting them off.

“Learn to drive, yokel!” Gonzo shook his fist after the van.

“Where was he going in such a hurry?” Miss Piggy wondered.

“Don’t know – but did you see the plates? They said SPOOKY,” Robin said excitedly from his perch on Sweetums’ shoulder.

The bus continued winding its way up Serling Road, and came to a stop a half-mile later.

“Well gang…here we are,” Kermit said.

A large, walled park sat at the end of Serling Road. In the middle of that park sat Castle Irene.

The Mayhem bus drove through the gate, up the circular driveway and came to a stop in front of the house’s front door. The Muppets started to pile off the bus, lugging some equipment and props as they went.

Three stories tall and made of dark gray stone, Castle Irene was an imposing Victorian-style mansion that had seen better days. Icicles glinted and gleamed off of its gutters, eaves and stonework. Shutters with peeling paint framed the tall, grime-coated windows and dead ivy clung to the walls.

Kermit took out the heavy key ring that had been reluctantly surrendered by the police.

A pair of brass door knockers gazed back at the Muppets as they crept up to the front door. Instead of the usual goblins or gargoyles, the knockers were cast as the Tragedy and Comedy drama masks.

The key turned in the lock with a rusty “chunk,” and the door creaked open in correct haunted-house fashion.

“Nice creak,” Fozzie said approvingly.

The doors opened onto a wide entrance hall with marble floors. A long staircase carpeted in dull purple wound its way up to the second and third floors, and velvet drapes coated in a thick layer of dust dangled by the windows. Doors at various intervals led off to other rooms on the ground floor.

There was very little furniture in the room, but some antique carved armchairs stood at various intervals around the hall, and a handsomely carved grandfather clock stood at attention by the stairs. A few portraits also remained on the walls.

Sweetums let out a giant sneeze, sending up a nimbus of dust that set everyone else to sneezing as well.

“We cannot work here in these unsanitary conditions,” Sam snipped.

“That's okay, Sam, we’ll clean up before we start work,” Rowlf said as they started walking inside. "I love hunting for dust bunnies...think they'll like carrots?" He guffawed.

“But leave some dust – it adds a certain baroque touch,” Gonzo reminded them. He looked under one table. “Wow! Look at the mold on these baseboards!”

Scooter and Skeeter were looking at one of the portraits on the walls.

The most recent one seemed to be dated to the late 1920s. It showed a man and a woman in formal dress, covered in capes with bizarre symbols on them. They stood by giant box with the same symbols painted on it, with the legend “Gil the Great and Mysterious Mill.”

“Gil and Mill. How about that,” Skeeter quipped.

“Here they are again,” Nora said a short distance away. She was looking at a framed wedding photo of the same couple, taken in front of Castle Irene. The caption said “Gilbert and Millicent Knebworth, 1925.”

“They must have been the old owners,” Scooter said.

Skeeter pursed her lips. “That looks like one of the last pictures of them. Wonder what happened to them?”

“Come on, you three, let’s start unloading!” Kermit called. Outside, they could hear the sound of something crashing to the ground. “That had better not be the lights!”

“We’re coming!” Skeeter called as she and Nora ran outside.

Scooter followed them, but skidded to a stop.
He thought he had seen something appear near the stairs on the second floor – a something, or someone, in a long cape with symbols on it.

He turned to get a better look…but no one was there.

“Must be seeing things,” he murmured as he ran outside.

***

Was Scooter seeing things? Who was driving that black van? And are those really just rubber spiders that Uncle Deadly plans to unleash on the actors? Stay tuned for chapter four.
 

The Count

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Gil and Mil "Nebworth"? Uh guys, you might want to get out of there now. What, why Well, I know these folks at a locally sponsored charter founded in honor of Richard Hunt who might be able to tell you better than I, as I only pop in occasionally there and more rightly belong to the Jerry Nelson chapter. scary:

Good job on everything here Erin, we want more please though.
 

Muppet Newsgirl

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Yes, Ed, Castle Irene's former owners share a name with a certain house in England that has its own fair share of resident spooks...great to see you picked up on it.

But whether or not Castle Irene truly is haunted, and if it is, if its ghosts mean our friends good or ill, remains yet to be seen.

Part four will be up tomorrow night, since I'm also mapping out a lot of the action in five and six, and that's going to take a little while.
 

Muppetfan44

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Very nice story. Interesting plot and good character writing. Post more soon!
 
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