Enjoy this fan fic, centering around Gaffer! This story is dedicated to the memory of Jerry Nelson (though none of his characters will be particularly prominient in this story). Chapter 1 Kermit went on-stage to introduce yet another installment of The Muppet Show. “Welcome again to The Muppet Show. Usually we have a special guest star, but unfortunately tonight we don’t. But to make up for that, here is something we usually do have, an opening number!” The curtain raised and three whatnot thugs sang “Private Eyes”. The three thugs sang and after each verse each thug turned their heads to the side in a suspicious manner. And then their number got interrupted by a chase between Gaffer and Rizzo. “Hey! Good kitty, go away, kitty!”, yelled Rizzo. One of the thugs grabbed Rizzo by the neck, another grabbed Gaffer by the neck. “Hey!”, said the thug who grabbed Gaffer by the neck, “you two are ruining our song!” Gaffer proceeded to very violently scratch the thug, making him run from Gaffer, screaming. “Private eyes may be watching you”, said Statler. “But we’re not!”, said Waldorf. Sam the Eagle came on-stage. “That opening number had an accident”, said Sam, “but how can two numbers in a row have an accident? Considering that, here is the most cultural act we could get, Wayne and Wanda!” The curtains raised and the duo began singing “Day by Day”. Then Gaffer came on-stage, hissing at them. “Hey, what’s wrong with you?”, asked Wayne. Gaffer continued hissing. “What does this song have to do with a cat hissing?”, asked Wanda. Gaffer gave them an angry meow, and then bit Wayne on the hand. “Ow! Ow! Ow!” “I’m leaving the stage before I get injured”, said Wanda. Gaffer proceeded to jump at Wanda, pushing her off the stage. Backstage… “That crazy cat has been acting strange all evening”, said Kermit, “maybe I should bring on something that cat can’t possibly ruin. Gonzo, you’re on next!” Kermit came on-stage. “And now here’s The Great G….” Gaffer came up and started rubbing it’s head against Kermit. “Hey, I’m making trying to make an introduction here!” “Meow!” “Ladies and gentlemen, Gonzo the Great!” Gonzo had quite the set-up. A big J-shaped ramp, Gonzo was on the very high end, on a skateboard. “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Tonight, I will skateboard down this ramp, fly up in the air, and land back here on my head! All this to the music of Mozart! Music, please!” And some Mozart music played as Gonzo skateboarded down the loop. He went up in the air, but when he was about to land, Gaffer was laying on his spot. “Hey, cat, go away!”, said Gonzo. Gonzo landed on Gaffer and the whole set-up collapsed. “I wish I could take a break from playing the piano”, said Rowlf, “I’m missing out on chasing the cat!” “Hey, will somebody throw that cat out of the theater?”, yelled Kermit. Gaffer then got thrown out of the theater, into a dumpster. “And stay out, you worthless cat!”, yelled the deep-voiced stagehand. Gaffer peeked out the dumpster at the theater, looking sad. Gaffer crawled out of the dumpster and went to the stage door, scratching at the door and meowing sadly. Two cats who were watching approached Gaffer. One was a short (though still taller than Gaffer, about Rowlf’s size), fat cat with his right arm in a sling, the other was a taller, slim cat on stilts. “Well, once again the Muppets throw out an innocent cat that hangs around the theater”, said the fat cat. “This has been happening for a long time”, said the tall cat. “So what’s your name?”, asked the fat cat. “Meow”, said Gaffer. “Hello, Gaffer”, said the fat cat, “I’m Olive, and this is Bad Breath.” “I’m allergic to tick tacks”, said Bad Breath. “So are you a boy or a girl?”, asked Olive. “Meow”, said Gaffer. “I should have known”, said Olive.