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newsmanfan
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Apr 5, 2011
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Here is a Muppet News Flash!
Reports of thousands of action figures suddenly animating and taking over the government buildings in San Juan, P.R. have shocked the news world! Although many experts scoff at the incredible details only now emerging from that island territory, we at Muppet News have obtained exclusive footage of the toy takeover of the embassy building! Here you can clearly see the hundreds of figures scaling the walls of the compound...er...is that...is that a see-through five-inch-tall Beaker?!
(a very tiny
) Meeeep!
Er...uh...and that looks like Bunsen in a tuxedo...and...hey! *staring straight at camera, shocked* That's ME! Wuh...uh...ah...let's...let's go to our experts... Uh, Count, you say this was entirely preventable?
Yes! You see, Mr Newsman, unfortunately, I told Eduardo newwer to leawe the Palisades figures out vere the full moon could shine on them, and especially newwer to dust them with Cheetos and leawe them unattended for more than five...FIVE minutes! Ah ah ah! *BOOM...CRACK*
Uh...but... *checking loonycalendar* --it wasn't a full moon last night!
Really? Ah...then...then... *startled* It's ALIWE!
Uh...why don't we try another expert...ahem. Mr Deadly, could you --
(U.D.) That's UNCLE Deadly, my boy! Think of me as the highly talented thespian uncle you obviously never had.
Uh...right. Could you explain this bizarre phenomeno-- *glares at snowths* Don't even think about it!
(U.D.) Naturally! You see, you terribly culturally deprived reporter, when a Muppet loves a G.I. Joe very, very much, they -- Where on earth did you get that horrendous jacket? You look like a sofa from the '70s run amok, dear boy!
Er...can we get back to the story?
(U.D.) I mean honestly, I realize you reporter types simply don't have the style we actors do -- that's why you went into that tawdry profession, after all -- but really, could you not have at least put on something different to do this interview? *huffing* I refuse to be seen on the same split screen with such an atrocious costume! *stalks off*
Er...uh...well, there you have it folks. The mass takeover of an island paradise by...um...itty bitty Muppets, unexplained by science.
Tsst, tsst, tstt! Oh, silly Newsman! There's a perfectly good explanation for all this!
There IS? Tell us, Dr Honeydew!
Mee mee meep meep meep!
Yes, Beaker, I was getting to that! You see, it all has to do with the terribly spoooooky environment those poor figures had been kept in, what with the constant sorting of monsters into categories day in and day out right over their wee little impressionable heads...not to mention his insistence on casting Muppets as classic monsters from book and screen!
WHOSE insistence?
Why, that gentleman, right over there! The one with the purple vampire mask on.
Meeple meepire?!
Er, no, Beakie. Real vampires are neither sparkly nor purple.
*sighs* I see. Uh...until further developments break, this is the Newsman, for Muppet Central.
Meep mee meep mee!
Why, yes! You're absolutely right, Beakie! Nothing fell on him! *pulls out slide rule, measures a startled Newsie* Aha! I see the problem!
What -- what do you mean? What problem? I don't have a problem with this!
Here, hold him down while I get the serum, Beakie...that's it...
*struggling* HEY! Agh -- stop! Let go! Hey!
Just a teensy, weensy drop of our new, improved, patent-pending Muppet Action Shrinkaid, and... *plink* There we go!
(a very tiny) Ack! What have you DONE? I'm -- I'm --
(U.D.) Hmm. No, the jacket's still too loud. Do you have anything to diminish that as well?
Vunderful! How exciting! Now you may really get into your news story!
There we are! Run along now, and find out what the action figures are up to! Oh -- oh, we'll need a cameraman! Beaker! Beaker, come...where did he go?
*sigh* In other news...M.C.'s Count celebrates his birthday today! All of us at Muppet News wish you a wonderful birthday...in our own small way...sheesh.
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Here is a Muppet News Flash!Reports of thousands of action figures suddenly animating and taking over the government buildings in San Juan, P.R. have shocked the news world! Although many experts scoff at the incredible details only now emerging from that island territory, we at Muppet News have obtained exclusive footage of the toy takeover of the embassy building! Here you can clearly see the hundreds of figures scaling the walls of the compound...er...is that...is that a see-through five-inch-tall Beaker?!
(a very tiny
) Meeeep! Er...uh...and that looks like Bunsen in a tuxedo...and...hey! *staring straight at camera, shocked* That's ME! Wuh...uh...ah...let's...let's go to our experts... Uh, Count, you say this was entirely preventable? Yes! You see, Mr Newsman, unfortunately, I told Eduardo newwer to leawe the Palisades figures out vere the full moon could shine on them, and especially newwer to dust them with Cheetos and leawe them unattended for more than five...FIVE minutes! Ah ah ah! *BOOM...CRACK* Uh...but... *checking loonycalendar* --it wasn't a full moon last night! Really? Ah...then...then... *startled* It's ALIWE! Uh...why don't we try another expert...ahem. Mr Deadly, could you --(U.D.) That's UNCLE Deadly, my boy! Think of me as the highly talented thespian uncle you obviously never had.
Uh...right. Could you explain this bizarre phenomeno-- *glares at snowths* Don't even think about it!(U.D.) Naturally! You see, you terribly culturally deprived reporter, when a Muppet loves a G.I. Joe very, very much, they -- Where on earth did you get that horrendous jacket? You look like a sofa from the '70s run amok, dear boy!
Er...can we get back to the story?(U.D.) I mean honestly, I realize you reporter types simply don't have the style we actors do -- that's why you went into that tawdry profession, after all -- but really, could you not have at least put on something different to do this interview? *huffing* I refuse to be seen on the same split screen with such an atrocious costume! *stalks off*
Er...uh...well, there you have it folks. The mass takeover of an island paradise by...um...itty bitty Muppets, unexplained by science. Tsst, tsst, tstt! Oh, silly Newsman! There's a perfectly good explanation for all this! There IS? Tell us, Dr Honeydew!Mee mee meep meep meep! Yes, Beaker, I was getting to that! You see, it all has to do with the terribly spoooooky environment those poor figures had been kept in, what with the constant sorting of monsters into categories day in and day out right over their wee little impressionable heads...not to mention his insistence on casting Muppets as classic monsters from book and screen! WHOSE insistence? Why, that gentleman, right over there! The one with the purple vampire mask on. Meeple meepire?! Er, no, Beakie. Real vampires are neither sparkly nor purple. *sighs* I see. Uh...until further developments break, this is the Newsman, for Muppet Central. Meep mee meep mee! Why, yes! You're absolutely right, Beakie! Nothing fell on him! *pulls out slide rule, measures a startled Newsie* Aha! I see the problem! What -- what do you mean? What problem? I don't have a problem with this! Here, hold him down while I get the serum, Beakie...that's it... *struggling* HEY! Agh -- stop! Let go! Hey! Just a teensy, weensy drop of our new, improved, patent-pending Muppet Action Shrinkaid, and... *plink* There we go!(a very tiny
) Ack! What have you DONE? I'm -- I'm --(U.D.) Hmm. No, the jacket's still too loud. Do you have anything to diminish that as well?
Vunderful! How exciting! Now you may really get into your news story! There we are! Run along now, and find out what the action figures are up to! Oh -- oh, we'll need a cameraman! Beaker! Beaker, come...where did he go? *sigh* In other news...M.C.'s Count celebrates his birthday today! All of us at Muppet News wish you a wonderful birthday...in our own small way...sheesh.------------------------
