Happy Birthday Sweetums!

[minor muppetz]

The Muppets were decorating the Muppet boarding house.

"Sweetums is going to like his birthday party", said Robin.

"I hope that he likes the chocolate whoopi cushion I got him", said Fozzie.

"Say, where is Swetums, anyway?", asked Robin.

"Oh, he is with Sam, getting his taxes done", said Scooter.

"Oh", said Robin.

The doorbell rang.

"Will somebody get the door?", asked Kermit.

"Oh, I will", said Bean, enthustiastically.

Bean ran to the door, and when he answered it, the Mutations stomped in, walking over Bean.

"Oww", said Bean.

"Well, I hung the pinatta", said Beauregard.

"Oh, good", said Kermit, who then turned around and bumped his face into the pinatta.

"Beauregard", said Kermit, "You were supposed to hang it outside, not in the kithcen".

"Oh, sorry", said Beauregard.

"I've got the boomerang fish!", shouted Lew Zealand, who then threw two at once, both of which flew back and hit Kermit and Beauregard in the faces.

"Stay out of the way, will ya?", asked Lew.

"Ugh", moaned Kermit, "I just hope that Sweetums enjoys his party....", and then Kermit fainted.

Meanwhile, at the post office...

"I am so proud of you for getting your taxes don e on time", said Sam.

"Well, technically, we're late",s aid Sweetums.

"Yes, in real time we are", said Sam, "But fan fic time is diferent from real time, so we are early".

"Yay!", shouted Sweetums.

"Now, let's get on the subway and go home", said Sam.

"Uh, I ate our subway tickets", said Sweetums.

"What?", asked Sam, "How will we get back home?"

"Don't worry, Sam", said Sweetums, "I've got enough money for two subway tickets".

"Oh, good", said Sam, "Riding on a subway is the american way".

Back at the boarding house, the place was decorated appropriately for a party.

"Well, Sweetums is going to like this", said Robin.
"I might like it, too", said Gonzo.

"Now, Kermie", said Miss Piggy, "Why didn't you put this much effort into moi's birthday?"

"Uh, we'll talk about that later, Piggy", said Kermit.

"I've got the bubbles ready", said Bill the Bubble Guy, who blew bubbles out of his head.

"A bubble act, okay?", questioned Pepe.

"Hey, Kermit, where's the cake?", asked Floyd, "Animal's getting impatient.

"CAKE! CAKE! CAKE!", shouted Animal.

"The Swedish Chef has made the cake, and for some reason he made it upstairs", said Kermit.

The Swedish Chef then started coming downstairs with the cake.

"Heer one burfday cayykk!", shouted The Swedish Chef.

"Oh, boy", said Thog, who got so excited that he started jumping up and down, shaking the house and causing The Swedish Chef to fall down the stairs.

"Oh, no, it's an earthquake", said Waldorf.

"So was the whole series", said Statler.

"The cake is a mess!", said Kermit, who then looked around, "And the rest of the hosue is a mess! We're going to have to decorate the house again, and we don't have much time before Sweetums gets here!"

"Oh, I can help you", said Thog.

"You've helped enough", said Kermit.

"But I haven't", said Doglion.

"Me, neither", said Mean Mama.

"Neither have I", said Timmy.

"Sheesh!", said Kermit.

 

[minor muppetz]

chapter 2

Sweetums and Sam went to the subway station and got on the subway.

"Well, we are on our way to your birthday party", said Sam.

"I know, I know", said Sweetums.

"Hey, that's my line", said Bobby Benson, who happened to be on the subway.

The subway started moving.

"We'll be there in no time", said Sam.

"Yes, good old mexico", said a passenger.

"What do you mean mexico?", asked Sam.

"This is the subway to mexico", said the passenger.

"But we thought...", said Sam, "Uh, Sweetums! What sub is this?"

"It's the A sub", said Sweetums.

"Oh, I should have checkded better", said Sam, "It's the B sub that goes to our home!"

"Oops!", said Sweetums.

Back at the boarding houyse, the decorations were up and better.

"Well, we got it done faster", said Scooter.

"Yup", said Kermit, "The decorations are up, all of the guests are here, all of the food is ready, and all of the presents are here. All that's left is the guets of honor, Sweetums".

"How can Sweetums be a guest of honor if he lives here?", asked Beauregard.

"Well, loike, now he've just got to wait", said Janice.

"I am so hungry", said Miss Piggy.

"So am I", said Mean Mama.

"Let's just wait at the door for Sweetums to come", said Louis Kazagger.

Meanwhile, Sweetums and Sam arrived in mexico, a little faster than they would in real time.

"I can't believe that we're stranded out here in mexico", said Sam.

"Yeah, and we're out of money now"< said Sweetums.

"We can't even afford to use a pay phone", said Sam.

"Don't you have a cell phone?", asked Sweetums.

"No, I use the all-american pay phones", said Sam.

"I ate my cell phone", said Sweetums. Just then the cellphoen rang from isndie Sweetums' stomach.

"See?", said Sweetums.

Back at the boarding house...

"Well, Sweetums must have eaten his cell phone", said Thog, "I tried to call him, but couldn't get to him".

"Well, maybe we should watch the news and see if he might be held up", said Gonzo.

"Actually, we know what happened", said Statler.

"What?", asked Kermit.

"Sweetums ate his and Sam's subway tickets, so they had to buy new tickets, and got on the wrogn subway, so they are stranded in mexico", said Waldorf.

"And how do you two know this?", asked Kermit.

"We decided to go to Muppet Central and read this fan fic, and see how it ends before it ends",s aid Waldorf.

"Unfortunately, the final chapter hasn't been posted yet, but we know that they are in mexico", said Statler.

"And they have no money", said Waldorf.

"Well, we are going to go out to mexico and bringt hem back", said Kermit.

"I'll go, okay", said Pepe.

"By the way", said Kermit, "They don't have any conflict, do they?"

"Not yet", said Waldorf.

 

[minor muppetz]

chapter 3

Out in mexico...

"Well, we're going to have to find jobs until we can afford to get back home to america", said Sam.

"I hope that we can get get a job without needing references", said Sweetums.

Just then, an evil mexican donkey appeared.

"So, you two want to get back to america?", said the donkey.

"Yes, we do", said Sam.

"Well, I know how to get you back real cheapley", said the donkey.

"Oh, god", said Sam.

"Rid eme", said the donkey.

Sweetums jumped onto the donkey, and was so heavy that the donkey fell down.

"Owwwwwww", said the donkey, "on the other hand, Sweetums, you just follow me".

Kermit, Robin, Fozzie, Gonzo, Rizzo, Animal, Floyd, Janice, Pepe, and Doglion all got on the subway and headed for mexico.

"It'll be great to be back at my home country, okay", said Pepe.

"I have a bad feeling about this", said Doglion.

"Well, I hope that we can find them quickly", said Kermit.

"Yeah, we've only got five and a half hours until Sweetums' birthday is over", said Robin.

"I can't beleive how expensive it is to ride this subway", said Floyd.

"Well, you didn't have to come with us, Floyd", said Kermit.

"I hope to make some great jokes up there", said Fozzie.

"Uh, mexican jokes might offend the people there", said Kermit.

"Oh", said Fozzie.

"I hope to meet Speedy Gonzales up there", said Rizzo.

"Rizzo, you won't meet Speedy Gonzales", said Janice, "He's, like, not real!"

"What about us?", asked Rizzo.

"By the way", said Gonzo, "Does anybody know if Gonzo is short for Gonzales?"

Back in mexico, the donkey had taken Sam and Sweetums to a building.

"You two just go down there to that basement, and you'll get a free ride home", said the evil donkey.
"Thanks"< said Sweetums.
They went into the basement, and the donkey locked the door.

"Heh heh heh", said the donkey, "Soon I'll have my eagle and monster supper at last!"

 

[minor muppetz]

chapter 4

The donkey went to his kitchen to get things ready.

"I've got my cauldren, my knives, my hot water... I think I've got everything".

Down in the basement...

"These look like some good gadgets", said Sweetums.

"That's odd", said Sweetums.

"What is?", asked Sweetums.

"These gadgets look like what might find in a slaughter house", said Sam, "And there is also a weird turnign wheel".

"A weird turning wheel?", asked Sweetums.

"Well, it's hard to describe it", said Sam.

"Maybe I should complain online", said Sweetums.

"Did you just steal a joke from Family Guy?", asked Sam.

Up above the basement, the donkey went to the controll panel.

"I'll jsut press this button and the monster and eagle wil be cooked and killed and eaten alive", said the donkey, who pressed the button.

The various wheels and saws turne don.

"Hey, everything is moving", said Sweetums.

A saw wheel then shot out of a machine and flew between Sweetums and Sam.

"Ahh!", screamed Sam, "I think it flew straight at us!"

"Do you think it happened on purpose?", asked Sweetums.

"We've got to get out of here", said Sam.

They both ran upstairs, but couldn't open the door.

"It's locked!", said Sam.

"Let's knock on the door", said Sweetums.

Sam knocked on the door.

"Hey, donkey!", shouted Sam, "Something weird is going on!"

"I know", said the donkey, "I'm cooking dinner!"

The donkey then pulled down a lever, and the stairs fell.

"Ouch!", yelled Sweetums, "That hurt".

"We must find a way out of here", said Sam.

The floor then started moving to the side.

"What's happening?", asked Sweetums.

"The floor is moving", siad Sam, "The donkey must have put a conveyor belt on the floor".

"How clever", said Sweetums.

They then looked ahead, and saw a big spinning saw.

"Aaaahhhhh", screamed the two.

 

[minor muppetz]

chapter 5

The conveyor belt was moving towards the saw.

"We've got to get out of this", said Sam.

Sweetums then picked up Sam and put him up on the higher area of the basement, and then Sweetums jumped up and climbed to the top.

"We are safe!", said Sam.

"Yeah, that was easier than I thought", said Sweetums, "Probably so easy a cavemen can do it".

Several knives then shot out at them, though the knives all missed them.

"Now, let's find a way out of here", said Sam.

"But the door is still too high for us to reach", said Swetums, who then decided to talk to me, the writer: "Hey, writer! Why don't you write arope that I can pull on and climb?"

A rope then apeared from out of nowhere.

"Oh, thanks", said Sweetums, who puled the rope, only for it to fall, and be attached to an anvil, which fell on Sam's head, knocking Sam out unconciously.

"Oh, no!", said Sweetums, "Wake up! Wake up!"

Meanwhile, the gang had just gotten off the subway.

"Well, here we are in my home town, okay", said Pepe.

"MEXICO! MEXICO!", yelled Animal.

"Now if only we knew where Sweetums and Sam are, and how to get to their location", said Kermit.

Rizzo was looking at his laptop.

"Well, boss, I was just reading this fan fic, and according to the fan fic story, they are in the basement of a factory run by an evil donkey who wants to eat them", said Rizzo.

"Does the story say where they are or give directions on how to get there?", asked Kermit.

"Not yet", said Rizzo.

Little did they know that the location is called The Hungry Donkey Factory and is located on Market Plaza, ten miles from where they are.

"Oh, it now says where they are", said Rizzo, "The Hungry Donkey Factory, on Market Plaza, ten miles form here".

"Oh, good", said Kermit.

"But do we have any money for transportation?", asked Doglion.

"I can get us some money", said Floyd, as he, Janice, and Animal started playign rock music. The crowd started throwing money at them.

"Wow", said Janice, "It's, like, rully working".

"Yeahhhh", said Animal.

A mexican buisness man then approached them.

"You all were great!", said the buisnessman, "How would you liek to perform at a mexican concert in a few weeks?"

"We'd love to", said Floyd, "But we'll have to check with the rest of the band at home".

"But I'm sure that they'll be cool with it", said Janice.

Pepe looked at the money.

"We've only got enough for transportation for one of us, okay", said Pepe.

""Maybe we can ge tmore money if we all play instruments", said Gonzo, "I brought my bugle".

"And there is a box of instruments over here.

So the rest joined in. Kermit played banjo, Rizzo played symbols, Fozzie played maracas, Doglion played bongos, Pepe played marimba, and Robin played kazoo. And the crowd threw more money at them. A lot more.

"Hey, we can get there now", said Kermit.

"You know, I don't think ten miles is really that far to walk", said Doglion.

 

[minor muppetz]

chapter 6

Down in the basement, a water pipe started to leak... And very fast.

"I know!", said Sweetums, "I'll wait for the basement to be flooded, and swim up to the door and escape."

Sweetums hit at Sam, trying to wake him up.

"Wake up, Sam, wake up!", said Sweetums.

But he couldn't get Sam to wake up.

"Oh, I don't want him to drown, but I can't swim and carry him at the same time", said Sweetums, "Wait a minute! I'll put him in my mouth and spit him out later!"

Sweetums took Sam and put him in his mouth, and swallowed Sam.

"Well, I hope I don't digest him", said Sweetums.

The water started getting higher and higher very quickly.

"Soon I will swim up there and escape",s aid Sweetums.

Meanwhile, the gang was on a bus headed for the factory.

"Well, I got an email from our friends back at the boarding house", said Rizzo, "The Swedish Chef ruined another cake, and Thog accidently blew some things up".

"Gee, I wish I was home", said Gonzo.

"I also got an email from Bunsen", said Rizzo, "He says that he and Beaker just arrived at the science convention".

"Gee, I didn't know that they were going to a science convention",s aid Janice.

"I didn't know that it was worth mentioning in this story", said Floyd.

The bus stopped.

"Well, here we are", said Kermit, "Let's get off".

"Yeah", said Fozzie.

Soon, Sam woke up inside Sweetums' stomach.

"My, it's dark in here", said Sam, "I had the strangest dream. Now where is the light switch?"

Sam bumped into something.

"Oh, who goes there?", asked Sam.

"It's just me, Rowlf", said Rowlf.

"Rowlf? What are you doing here?", asked Sam.

"Well, I was knocked unconcious last week and Sweetums ate me so that he wouldn't have to carry me, and forgot about me", said Rowlf, "And oh, for you readers out there, you may have noticed that I wasn't in the story earlier. Well, that's because..."

"You already explained it", said Sam.

"Oh, yeah", said Rowlf.

Sweetums was swimming up, but was having trouble swimming.

"Oh, the added weight of Sam the Eagle must be what's keeping me from swimming well", said Sweetums.

 

[minor muppetz]

chapter 7

Sweetums was struggling to swim to the door. And the water suddenly stoped leaking. The evil donkey then opened the door.

"Ha, ha, ha", laughed the donkey, "You probably thought that there'd be enough water for you to escape, but I planned it this way. I am going to turn the steam on soon, and the water wil be so hot that you'll be cooked, and I'll have my monster and eagle meal, Jack!"

"Jack not name, jack job", said Sweetums.

"Well, now your job is to be cooked", said the donkey.

"Well, as long as I get more than miniumum wage", said Sweetums.

But then the gang showed up and pushed the donkey into the water.

"Aaaahhh! Help!", screamed the donkey.

"I'll give you what you deserve", said Sweetums, who took the donkey and ate him.

The donkey fell inside Sweetums, and he encoutnered Sam and Rowlf.

"Wel, at least I can still eat the eagle", said the donkey, "..and a dog".

"Uh, that is not right", said Sam, "You shouldn't eat after others".

"Even I don't do that", said Rowlf.

But the donkey started chasing them anyway.

"Hey, Sweetums, let us out!", yelled Rowlf.

"Yeah", said Sam, "We're having trouble seeing in the dark!"

But Sweetums didn't hear them. He was struggling to get out.

"Come on, Robin, we'll save them", said Kermit.

"Okay", said Robin.

Kermit and Robin jumped into the water, grabbed onto Sweetums, and tried to pull him out, only they weren't strong enough.

"Oh, rats", said Robin, "We can't lift you".

"I ate too much", said Sweetums.

"At least you are lighter than Miss Piggy", said Kermit.

"Hey, Sweetums, hold onto this rope", said Doglion.

Doglion threw a rope at Sweetums, and Sweetums held onto it. He pulled Sweetums out of the water.

"I'm out!", said Swetums.

"Hey, where's Sam?", asked Janice.

"Oh, I forgot", said Sweetums, who spit... but he spit out Rowlf instead.

"Oh, it's good to finally be out of there", said Rowlf.

"Oh, I forgot that you were in my stomach", said Sweetums.

"Well, that explains why he wasn't in the rest of the story", said Janice.

Sam stuck his head out of Sweetums' mouth.

"Hey, Sweetums, spit me out, quick!", yelled Sam, as the donkey puled Sam back into the mouth.

"Oh, sorry", said Sweetums, who spit out the donkey.

"Oops", said Sweetums.

"Well, I am free", said the donkey, "And now I shall kill you..."

The donkey then noticed something.

"Where's my knife?", asked the donkey.

"You left it inside of him", shouted Sam.

"Well, I'll just push you back in", said the donkey, who pushed Sweetums back into the wate,r but then Doglion took the donkey and ate him.

"EAT DONKEY! EAT DONKEY!", shouted Animal.

"Well, there's less inside of me", said Sweetums, "So maybe I can make it back to the top".

But Sweetums still struggled.

"It's a shame that Sweetums may drown on his birthday", said Fozzie, "And it's a shame that his meals disagree with him. Aaah, wocka wocka!"

"I've got an idea", said Kermit, who jumped into the water, swam down to a vent at the bottom of the water, and pushed it in. All of the water blasted out, and Sweetums (and Kermit) went through the vent.

"Well, at least we're saved", said Sweetums.

"yeah", said Kermit.

They all got back to the boarding house with only an hour of the day left.

"Well, I am so glad to finally be celebrating my birthday", said Sweetums.

"Here is your first present", said Crazy Harry.

"Oh, and it smells good", said Sweetums, who quickly ate it... and then blew up.

"Oh, I think I should just open my presents before eating them", said Sweetums, who fell on his stomach.

"Heer der cake", shouted The Swedish Chef.

"Oh, good", said Sweetums, who ate the whole cake... without blowing out the candles.

"By the way, where's Sam the Eagel?", asked Scooter, "I haven't seen him since they got back".

"Uh-oh", gasped Kermit.

Sam started screaming from inside Sweetums, having been blown up and burnt by the candles.

"Spit me out at once!", demanded Sweetums.

"Oh, sorry", said Sweetums, who spit out Sam, who landed on Bean Bunny.

"Augh", said Sam.

"Get off of me", said Bean.

"Well, happy birthday, Sweetums!", said Robin.

"Happy birthday!", said everybody.

The End