Well, Easter's right around the corner. And because I'm in such a good Easter mood, for no reason at all, I have a little fanfic for you guys Happy Easter Chapter One A Nice Little Show It was a nice day in late March. It was very warm, especially when one stood directly in the sun’s toasty rays. Spring had fully arrived as the grass was getting greener every day and the flowers slowly began to bloom. The nice weather had awoken the Muppets who were tired of winter and had given them new energy. With vim and vigor they rehearsed for their next show every day. Scooter, Beauregard, Gonzo and Walter worked together to remove the poles and tub from Gonzo’s act for the next sketch rehearsal, which happened to be Miss Piggy’s. Said sow was currently in her dressing room with Hilda, Janice, Camilla and Julie. Hilda had just finished Miss Piggy’s dress for her act and she wanted to see if she had to make any changes. The dress was midnight blue and pink and red hibiscus flowers were printed on the hem of the skirt. Her blonde hair was down and ended in curls. “I like it”, said Julie with an approval smile. “It’s different from what you usually wear and I think it’s perfect for your act.” “It rully is, fer sure”, Janice agreed while Camilla was clucking her approval. “Of course, moi looks good in everything”, replied Miss Piggy as she twirled in front of her mirror. “A pig’s praise in her own mouth stinks”, commented Julie so quiet that only Janice could hear her. The Electric Mayhem member put a hand on her mouth to stifle a chuckle. “What’s so funny?”, wondered Miss Piggy as Janice let a chuckle escape. “Nuthin’”, she said, which in turn made it hard for Julie to prevent a chuckle. “Don’t worry, it’s just spring fever combined with Muppet craziness”, said the German girl. Miss Piggy raised an eyebrow: “Are vous serious?” “No, I’m Regulus”, replied Julie before she burst out laughing. Miss Piggy, Hilda, Janice and Camilla watched her for a moment, wondering if she recently had hot chocolate. “I always wanted to say that”, she declared after she had calmed down. A knock distracted the others from her. “Miss Piggy, it’s time for your rehearsal”, they heard Kermit on the other side. “Coming, monCapitan”, answered Miss Piggy. By now, Julie had entirely calmed down. She stretched herself after she stood up. “Alright”, she said before pulling out a dictionary. A few minutes later she added: “Госпожасвинья. And I have no idea if I’ve pronounced госпожаcorrectly, but I know I pronouncedсвиньяcorrectly. Let’s go to the stage to see your rehearsal.” She then left the dressing room, leaving behind four astonished female Muppets. Astonished because they had no idea Julie could read Cyrillic script and pronounce the words. Camilla, who was at the door, clucked the others to hurry up and they left for the stage, too. The stage was set up to look like a meadow, albeit not a pretty one. There were hardly any flowers and if there were any, they were trampled. Not only that, but the meadow itself looked so barren and depressive. Miss Piggy stood in the center of the stage. She was the only positive thing around. Music started, played by Rowlf on his piano, and Miss Piggy began to sing Where Have All The Flowers Gone. She did really well with that song but Kermit found it a little too depressing. Not really something the network would add in The New Muppets Show. At least, that was what they told him when they saw the script. “You were great”, he commented after Miss Piggy had finished singing. “But I think we need something more cheerful.” “But Kermit, there’s not time for her to practice another song”, Scooter said. “The show’s tomorrow. I doubt we find a more cheerful song for her to sing.” “And what if we cut her act and let The Electric Mayhem play one of their songs instead?”, suggested Kermit. “HIII-YAH!” Scooter suddenly found an empty seat next to him and a fuming Miss Piggy in front of said seat. She glared at Kermit’s direction, who was somewhere in the back rows. With a huff, she whirled around and left. A minute later, Kermit reappeared in his seat. “Are you alright? That one looked like it hurts really badly”, said Scooter. “I think I’m okay”, replied Kermit, rubbing his shoulder. “I think I go check on Miss Piggy”, announced Hilda. “I’ll come with you”, said Julie and both women left together. Hilda and Julie found Miss Piggy soon enough. She was currently in her dressing room but both were a little scared to go in. Hilda hid behind Julie and urged her to knock, but she only hid behind the elderly Muppet. It went on for minutes, with each of them saying “No, you knock.”. This was actually how Rowlf found them when he arrived on the scene. “What’s going on?”, he asked. Both women jumped and whirled around. Hilda recovered from her shock first. “We’re here to cheer Miss Piggy up”, replied the elderly Muppet. “Shouldn’t you two be inside her dressing room then?”, the dog Muppet responded. “Yes, but we’re also afraid of facing her wrath”, said Julie, who had recovered from the shock and moved a little away from the other two. Rowlf nodded to this and proceeded to the door to knock. “Come in”, replied Miss Piggy. Rowlf opened the door and entered, followed by the other two. Miss Piggy was not facing them but they could see her face in the mirror. It showed faked calmness but her eyes betrayed disappointment and anger. Rowlf approached her. “Hey, it’s not that bad”, he calmly said, putting a paw on her shoulder. “You still have a part in the next show. And maybe your next solo will be much better. I’m sure Kermit’s trying hard to come up with something.” “Then why did he write it in the first place?”, responded Miss Piggy in a forced calmness. Nobody answered her question. The only thing Rowlf, Hilda and Julie did was to look at each other concernedly. Eventually, the young German girl took a deep breath and calmly said: “The network didn’t want it. I overheard them telling Kermit that yesterday when they looked at the script.” That got Miss Piggy to turn around and face her. Julie bit her bottom lip and wondered if she should not have said it but she never averted her eyes. “The network thought it was too depressing and not really something to show when Easter’s right around the corner.” The other occupants said nothing after her statement. It was true that it was a little too depressing but, as Scooter said, there was no time for another act. Miss Piggy began to understand why Kermit suggested her number to be replaced, although he could have said the real reason in the first place. “Maybe you get the chance to wear that dress in another number”, said Hilda gently. “Yeah”, agreed Julie. “Maybe as a nymph, a goddess, the representation of spring, as a flower girl living in the slums, as the only one who can save the world from a thousand year old monster.” “You see, it’s not so bad. And I can only repeat what I said, Kermit’s sure to write something better for you. He may even write a duet for the both of you”, contributed Rowlf. Miss Piggy smiled fondly at them before straightening up and walking to the door. “Moi thinks moi is going to give him another chance.” “But please not in the broom closet”, commented Rowlf. “I don’t think that’s going to happen, but then again we didn’t expect it to happen there either”, commented Julie. Miss Piggy glared dangerously at them, which caused Rowlf to hide behind the vanity table and Julie to hide behind the chair she had been occupying. The pig still glared at them before leaving the room. Both sighed in relief that nothing worse had happened. Miss Piggy found Kermit a few minutes later in his office with Scooter. Both were in a deep discussion as Kermit pointed at something on a piece paper. There were a few crumbled sheets of paper around the waste basket. Apparently, these two had been trying to write something since she left the stage and Kermit had missed the basket when he threw a sheet away. Miss Piggy cleared her throat to get their attention. “Hello, Miss Piggy”, greeted Scooter. “Hi ho, Miss Piggy. You’re not still mad, are you?”, Kermit looked concerned as he asked her that. She thought he looked cute when he was worried. Trying and succeeding to hide her smile, she approached them. She moved some sheets a few centimeters away from where they were before and casually sat down. Her posture was straight and perfect, as if she was posing for some photos. Kermit found himself staring at her with his mouth wide open. There was something alluring about her; he seemed to have forgotten everything that had happened in the last few minutes. “Why would vous think that?” “Because I’ve decided to cut your act”, Kermit said that in a trance-like state. Miss Piggy gave him a knowing smirk: “Don’t vous mean the network didn’t want it?” “Y… yes…” He wondered how she knew that but he decided it did not matter. They leaned forward, never breaking their eye contact. Scooter had long since left them alone. The frog and the pig leaned closer until their lips touched for a sweet, little kiss. After breaking apart, she slid off the desk and tried to take a peek on what he was writing. “What have vous written for moi?”, she asked curiously. But most if not all the words were crossed out and it did not really seem like a script. From what she could tell, it was a list of songs. Some words, she still could recognize but some were not readable anymore. “Sorry, but I wanted to decide on a song before I write your act”, Kermit gave her an apologetic smile. Then he sighed and added: “But I can’t seem to find a song.” “For what?”, asked someone. Julie stood in the doorway and looked curious. “You know, you should have closed the door if you wanted to be alone. But is it about Miss Piggy’s act?”, asked the glass wearing blond. The other two were nodding while she walked over to them. “How about Heidenröslein? Then again, maybe not, considering what’s it about.” She reached them and held out her hand. “May I see? Oh, and Kermit, Beauregard wanted to speak with you about something. I think it’s about the stage light that still needs repairing.” Miss Piggy looked a little sheepish at the last part while Kermit was thanking her. Julie looked over the list. She raised her eyebrow at the unreadable words. “Seems like he’s embarrassed with these suggestions”, she mumbled to herself. After finishing reading, she placed the list on the desk and added: “Give me a day to come up with a few suggestions, okay?” “Okay”, replied Kermit. “I’m gonna see Beauregard. See you two later.” The next show started with Rowlf’s recital of his season poem. Every time the season would change, it would either rain or snow heavily, obscuring everything from view, safe for a few outlines. When everything was clear again, the painted background would have changed to something that would fit the current season and other Muppets were occupying the background. Scooter stood next to the weather machine backstage. “I would’ve never thought that one of Bunsen’s inventions would work”, he muttered with an unbelievable smile. He would compliment his friends and colleagues when they were done with their part of the act. When the act was done, every participating Muppet came back on stage to take a bow. Among the ones for springs were Floyd, Janice, Foo-Foo, Bunsen, Beaker and Bean Bunny. Summer included Miss Piggy, Pepe, Clifford, Sam, Doctor Strangepork, Wanda and the Hillbilly Singer from The Muppet Show episode guest staring Candice Bergen. Robin, who was wearing a vampire costume, Sweetums, Uncle Deadly, Mahna Mahna, Behemoth, several Whatnots, Tom, Dick and Harry were included for the autumn part. Fozzie, Gonzo, Link, Annie Sue and The Ghost of Christmas Past were among the Muppets for winter. Rowlf stood in front of everybody else as they bowed to the audience. The curtain closed and the stage was cleared in a jiffy. Sam announced Wayne and Wanda’s performance. The curtain opened to reveal a lush meadow, full of flowers and a few trees at the edge of the stage. Wayne and Wanda were dressed in nineteenth century clothes as they walked down the path. “And how’s it goin’?”, asked Crazy Harry, who had joined Scooter backstage, among with Gonzo, Rizzo, Fozzie and Camilla. “Well, nothing has happened so far but we’ll see”, said the go-fer. Fozzie leaned against the weather machine as he watched the act. A beep was heard, which made them look at the machine strangely. The beeping noise gradually became faster until wind began to howl. A storm emitted from the weather machine, followed by rain and snow. The driving sleet was the reason the Wayne and Wanda act ended in a disaster. They, along with the props and background were blown away. “Pay up”, said Scooter, holding out his hand as Crazy Harry, Fozzie, Gonzo and Rizzo paid him. He cheerfully pocketed the money as Bunsen and Beaker tried to turn the machine off. “Oh my, the weather machine is broken”, said Bunsen a few minutes later. “Gonzo, you’re next”, informed Scooter the blue whatever after an act involving the current guest star. Gonzo left them to change while Thog, Sweetums and other large Muppets moved the poles and the jello and custard filled tub on the stage. The dancers covered the stage with rat traps when they were done. The curtains lifted when everything was ready. Gonzo, wearing his stuntman outfit, was on top of the right pole, on his unicycle with oranges, peaches, apples and a pineapple in his arms. He had a blindfold over his eyes. “Ladies and gentlemen! From up here, I will ride the unicycle to the center of the rope and jump in the jello-filled tub with my eyes closed and while juggling these fruits! To the music of Wagner’s Ride of the Valkyries!” The music started as the lights dimmed, except for the stage light, which focused on Gonzo. Simultaneously he started to ride the unicycle and juggled the fruits. The audience, as well as the Muppets backstage, watched in awe as he threw the oranges, peaches, apples and pineapple in the air before jumping gracefully into the jello and custard, the fruits falling in shortly afterwards. He emerged from the tub, covered in green and pale yellow, and bowed while the audience was cheering. After they had calmed down, he went back to the others, somehow avoiding the rat traps. “Great show, Gonzo”, complimented Kermit as Gonzo removed the blindfold. He was a little surprised to see Robin sitting on Rizzo’s back. “Did I miss something?” “No, he was just preventing Rizzo from eating all the jello while you were up there. I could’ve sat on him, too, but I think I would have flattened the poor guy”, Julie said the last part in a nonchalantly manner. Then she pulled a neatly folded piece of paper from her pocket and handed it over to Kermit. “My song suggestions, as promised.” “Thank you, I’ll look over it after the show”, he answered as he took the list. He then handed it to Robin and asked him to put it on his desk in his office. The little frog obliged. Kermit went to the stage to announce the Wild Western sketch. “Say, Scooter, how come Hilda’s making Miss Piggy’s costumes and not some super famous designer?”, asked Julie as the sketch started and Walter, Rowlf, Wayne, Wanda, Annie Sue, Link and Miss Piggy were all dressed in Western attires. “Well, um, the last time she’s been to see him, he ate pork loin in her presence”, replied her red-headed friend. “Ah, I can imagine her reaction”, said Julie with a nod. Robin and Sweetums joined the two a few minutes later to watch the sketch, with the former sitting on the large, brown-furred Muppet’s shoulder. They snickered when Fozzie and Kermit drew a picture of each other, as did the audience. The latter laughed even harder when these two revealed their pictures. The act ended to a great applause. “You were great!”, praised Robin as Kermit and the others arrived backstage. Several “thank you’s” were heard as they passed him. Sweetums gently put him down to help to set the stage up for the next act. A few minutes later, Kermit went back to the stage to announce the Electric Mayhem. The band’s song started with a long guitar riff by Floyd and Doctor Teeth began to sing: You can't take no for an answer! You can't take no for an answer! You can't take no for an answer! No, no, no. The second verse began with a sax solo, courtesy of Zoot. Then Backup Singers joined Doctor Teeth: Whenever there's a dream worth a-dreaming (dreaming!) And you wanna see that dream come true (dream come true!) There'll be plenty people talking "Forget all about it" Say "it isn't worth the trouble— All the trouble that you're going through!" (it ain't worth it-NO!) Well, what can you do? You can't take no for an answer! (you can't take no) You can't take no for an answer! (no no no no) You can't take no for an answer! No, no, no. The Backup Singers sang alone: No no no no no no no no no. No no no no no no no no no. Dr. Teeth, along with the Backup Singers, continued singing: What’cha gonna do when the dimes get tough And the world's treating you unkind? You gotta hang on to your optimistic outlook And keep possession of your positive state-of-mind (state of mind, state of mind, state of mind, state, state, mind!) You can't take no for an answer! (you can't take no) You can't take no for an answer! (no no no no) You can't take no for an answer! No, no, no. No no no (No no no no no no no no no) No no no (No no no no no no no no no) No no no (No no no no no no no no no) No no no! The song ended with a sad, blues melody from Zoot. After the song ended and received enormous applause, the stage was set for the last act of the show. The last act had a dark swamp setting. Trees cast ominous shadows. The dark sky was covered in stars, one of them shining brighter than anything else. A moss-covered log lay near the equally moss-covered and cluttered with lily-pads water. In fact, the water was so covered; there was no water to be seen. Robin sat on the log as he looked up to the bright star and began softly to sing: Twinkle, twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are? Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky When the blazing sun is gone, when he nothing shines upon, Then you show your little light, twinkle, twinkle all the night. Then the traveler in the dark, thanks you for your tiny spark, He could not see which way to go, if you did not twinkle so. In the dark blue sky you keep, and often through my curtains peep, For you never shut your eye, 'till the sun is in the sky. As your bright and tiny spark lights the traveler in the dark, Though I know not what you are - twinkle, twinkle little star. His performance was met with applause both from the audience and backstage. He looked to his side to see his uncle, along with several other Muppets, cheering on him. Smiling brightly, he bowed to the audience until the curtain closed for the final time and Kermit said goodbye to the audience. --- What Julie calls Miss Piggy early in the chapter can be translated as Miss Pig. Госпожа is pronounced like "Gospoja", with the J just like in Jenny, and свинья is pronounced like "Swinya", with the I like an "ee".