I Need Advice....

JimAndFrank

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I'm stuck.

For the past two years, my parents have been babysitting a kid pretty much since she was born. There's obviously nothing with that. In the beginning, it was to help out the kid's parents, who aren't that much older than me. The mum worked for mine for a few years. So it all started as a favour, but it's steadily turned into something that I can't help but feel is crossing several boundaries. My parents are making the kid call them 'Nanna' and 'Poppa'. Normally the accepted term is 'Aunty' or 'Uncle' if the child feels close enough to friends of the family. Being a surrogate aunt or uncle is fine, but there's just something really uncomfortable about my parents making her a surrogate grandchild.

As their actual daughter, I can't help but feel annoyed by the whole situation. The kid does in fact have biological grandparents, one of whom I happen to know will have a fit when she finds out that her granddaughter has been calling someone else Nanna. I don't want the situation to escalate to the point that the kid will be stripped away from my parents. Mum would be devastated, Dad would be p.o'd and the kid wouldn't understand why she can't see 'Nanna and Poppa' anymore.

I'll admit I also feel uncomfortable about it because I really don't like kids to begin with. I can't tolerate them and I don't want to have any of my own. My parents know this, so sometimes it feels like they are keeping the kid around as a 'surrogate' just to emphasize the point that they expect me to get over my 'fear' and become a mother one day. I don't hate the kid, but I don't want anything to do with her either. The last thing my parents need is more encouragement to keep her around.

Am I just being selfish here or just being concerned for my parents? They are both great with children and the girl genuinely enjoys visiting them, but there's a big difference between babysitting and completely misleading a kid into thinking something that's not true.

I don't know. I just really needed to get that out of my system.
 

dwayne1115

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It's tough, because if Kevin Clash taught me anything it's that Kids need all the love they can get.
Then again it may be a phase that will eventually work it's self out.

I don't think your being selfish I think your trying to protect everyone from getting hurt.
 

Pig'sSaysAdios

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Oh, this is a tough one...

Well it sounds like your parents just miss having a kid around the house, which often happens when kids get older and the parents miss doing fun stuff as a family and caring for young ones, which is partly why they get so happy when they become grandparents, because it's like being a parent except they only do the fun parts while the parents do the harder stuff such as discipline etc.

Obviously I don't know the whole situation but, if they like kids, and you're generally too old to coddle, but too young to have children of your own, I can definitely understand why they would want the child in their life.


Other than that I don't really know what to say. Have you talked to your parents about this yet?
 

fuzzygobo

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It sounds you could be a little jealous, competing with this kid for your parents' love. Totally understandable.
It may feel a little awkward, having your parents let the kid feel like they're her grandparents, when she has grandparents of their own.

Do you feel like, because your parents love this one so much, they love you less? If so, let them know so they can deal with it.

Dr. Fuzzy. Open daily. No minimum deductible.
 
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