Kermit's Death Threat

[minor muppetz]

It was almost showtime at the Muppet Theater. However, shortly before the next show, the mailman came to deliver some mail.

"Who are you?", asked Pops.

"I am the mailman", said the mailman, "I just found a letter adressed to Kermit the Frog at the Muppet Theater which I forgot to deliver today".

"Oh, well, I'll give it to him", said Pops.

"Okay", said the mailman, who then left.

Scooter came downstairs.

"So, are you doing a good job, Pops?", asked Scooter.

"I sure am", said Pops, "Oh, and a letter came for Kermit. Can you give this to him?"

"Oh, indeed I can", said Scooter, who took the letter, and went to find Kermit. He accidently bumped into Beauregard, who was carrying some heavy props. Beauregard droped his props, and Scooter dropped his letter.

"Oh, I am so sorry", said Scooter.

"That's okay", said Beauregard, picking up the letter and handing it over to Scooter, "Here's your letter".

Scooter ran upstairs. He saw Bunsen and Beaker.

"Hey, have you two seen Kermit?", asked Scooter, "I've got a letter for him".

"Kermit is negotiating with next weeks guest star", said Bunsen.

"Well, I've got to talk to the guest star", said Scooter, "Will you hand this letter to Kermit?"

"Okay", said Bunsen. Scooter left, and Bunsen decided to test out a new invention on Beaker.

"Okay, Beaker, you are going to test out new Mupet Labs Pills", said Bunsen, who gave Beaker ablue pill. It caused Beaker to get dizzy. Bunsen then gave Beaker a green pill, which caused Beaker to faint to the ground.

"Now I'll give you a red pill", said Bunsen.

"Mee mee", said Beaker, shaking his head but ultimately being given the pill, which caused steam to come out of his body, and caused Beaker to scream.

"And now I'll give you the pink pill", said Bunsen.

'Mee mee mee!!!", yelled Beaker, who promtly ran away.

"Oh, I wonder where Beaker went. Oh, well, I'll just have to try it myself", said Bunsen, who tasted it, "Mmmm, very satysfying".

Kermit then showed up.

"Oh, Kermit, there is a letter for you", said Bunsen, who gave Kermit the letter.

"Okay, let's see what this could be about", said Kermit, "I hope that it's not another bill."

Kermit read the letter, "Dear Kermit the Frog, my daughter is scarred to death of you, so I am going to kill you whenever I get the chance. Yous truly, anonymous".

"So it was a bill", said Bunsen.

"I... I can't believe it...", said Kermit, "somebody wants to kill me...."

Fozzie, Gonzo, Rizzo, Clifford, Pepe, and Robin all suddenly showed up.

"Somebody wants you dead?", said Fozzie.

"I can't believe it", said Clifford.

"What a great idea for an act!", said Gonzo.

"Who is it from, Uncle Kermit?", asked Robin.

"It's an anonymous letter", said Kermit, "I can't believe I didn't look at the envelope to see where it's from, but there is no return address".

"And what is our moral for today?", asked Rizo.

"Never accept mail that has no return address", said Kermit.

The other Muppets suddenly started looking at the letter, handing it to each other.

Scooter came by. "Hey, Kermit, thirty seconds until curtain!"

"Oh, right, let's all get ready!", said Kermit.

"I can't wait to do my act tonight, okay!", said Pepe.

"And I can't wait for my big bass solo", said Clifford.

"I've recieved four extra boomerang fish!", said Lew Zeland.

"I get to accompany the guest star on piano", said Rowlf.

"I get to be sooooo cute tonight!", said Bean.

"Yuck, okay!", said Pepe.

Halway through the show, Bunsen came to Kermit with a way to avoid his death.

"Hey, Kermit"< said Bunsen, "I cna protect you!"

"Uh, how?", said Kermit, aware that his inventions often backfire.

"I have invented a spray that can prevent you from death", said Bunsen, "It is bullet proof, B B proof, poision ivy proof, fire proof, and disintigrating proof!"

"Uh, I don't know....", said Kermit.

"I'll test it out on Beaker first", said Bunsen.

"Mee mee mee...", said Beaker, hesitating.

"Now hold still", said Bunsen, who sprayed it on Beaker.

Beaker started coughing.

"And now I shall take this gun and shoot at Beaker", said Bunsen, who aimed the gun at Beaker... but then the gun suddenly moved away from Bunsen's hand, and got attached to Beaker, as if Beaker were a magnet.

"Aaaaahhhh", screamed Beaker.

"I wonder what went wrong", said Bunsen.

Just then, some screws flew at Beake,r as did several staples. Beaker started screaming and running, as a file cabnet chased Beaker.

"It looks like your spray made Beaker magnetic", said Kermit, "But I'm sure that I'll be fine".

Kermit went on-stage to introduce the next act.

"And now, I would like to introduce...."

But Kermit's introduction got interrupted by an audience member who took out his gun and started shooting at Kermit. Kermit ran from the stage, unharmed.

"What a shot", said Statler.

"But he couldn't hit the frog", said Waldorf.

"Well, if he missed his target", said Statler, "Then he belongs on this show!"

Statler and Waldorf laughed.

The mysterious figure ran out of the audience and out the theater door.

"Somebody stop him!", said Kermit.

"I'll stop him!", said Miss Piggy, who chased after the person, who ran out the doros and into his car, driving far off before Miss Piggy could reach him.

"Oh, great, now I have to run", said Miss Piggy, who started running after the car. Howeve,r as she got closer to the car, the driver rolled the window down and tossed a smokebomb at Miss Piggy. The dust got in Miss Piggy's eyes, making her cough, and as soon as the smoke cleared, the car was out of sight.

Inside the Muppet theater.....

"Looks like somebody is trying to kill you, okay", said Pepe.

"How did you guess?", asked Kermit.

"We've got to get you to the police station fast!", said Fozzie.

"God idea", said Gonzo, "He can take my cannon".

"No, Gonzo", said Kermit, "I'll go by bicycle".

 

[MartyMuppets]

This is sounding great. Keep it up my friend. The suspense is killing me.

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 2

Kermit, Miss Piggy, Fozzie, Gonzo, Pepe, and Rowlf all went down to the police station after the show ended.

"Excuse me", said Kermit, "My name is Kermit the Frog, and I would like to report a death threat".

"Okay", said a police officer, who started getting things ready.

"Here is a letter that I got tonight", said Kermit, "It is anonymous, and there is no return address".

"Hmm, maybe we should check and see if the post office has anything to do with this", said the police man.

"And then during the show, somebody in the audience tried to shoot me, and then he ran out of the theater", said Kermit.

"I tried to stop him or her, but the person threw a smoke bomb at moi", said Miss Piggy.

"This is really intense, okay", said Pepe.

"Now, Mr. the Frog, are there any people who you can think of who would kill you?", asked the officer.

"Well, there's Doc Hopper, and his frog killer, and Rachiel Bitterman is still upset that the theater is a historic landmark...", said Kermit.

"And what about Statler and Waldorf?", said Fozzie.

"Fozzie", said Kermit, "The person tried to kill me from the audience, not the balcony".

"I am sure that the killer is probably Miss Mousey or Annie Sue", said Miss Piggy.

"Uh, I don't think so", said Rowlf.

"Well, Kermit, we will check the letter for DNA", said the officer, "All of you other Muppets can go home. We need to speak to Kermit alone."

The other Muppets left.

"Now, Kermit", said the officer, "Since somebody wants to kill you, we think that it would be best for you to fake your own death."

"Say what?", said Kermit.

"If they think you are dead, then you'll be safe", said the officer, "We've got nine or ten Master Replica toys of you. We can afford to set one of them on fire and make video footage for the news, so that your enemies can be convinced that you were killed".

"Okay", said Kermit, reluctantly.

"And I've got just the disguise for you", said the officer, who soon dressed Kermit in a brown wig, a brown beard, and a sweater.

"Oh, wow", said Kermit, "I look just like Jim Henson!"

The police DNA tester then informed Kermit of a problem.

"I was just doing some DNA testing, and it seems like this letter has 53 different forms of DNA", said the scientist.

"Well, a lot of my friends touched the letter", said Kermit, "Did you check the envelope?"

"Yes", said the scientist, "And the envelope has more DNA".

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 3

Several cops made a plan, as they told Kermit.

"Okay, Kermit", said one cop, "We are going to tie up this Mater Replica of you, set it on fire, video tape it, and put it on the news. That way, the person threatening you will think that you are dead."

"Sounds good and bad to me", said Kermit.

"It's a good thing that you are a frog", said another cop, "Because frogs can live anywhere, and they can live on flies. And I know where you can hide out at."

The cop drove Kermit to his new temporary home. It was an outhouse in the swamp.

"Well, here is your home", said the cop.

"Well, it's not too different from where I grew up", said Kermit, who went into the outhouse.

"Us cops will check up on you and keep you up to date on current events and such", said the cop.

Kermit sat in the outhouse, thinking about his friends.

"I wonder what my friends are doing now", said Kermit.

Meanwhile, Kermit's friends were at the theater, wondering about Kermit.

"I hope Kermit is alright", said Rizzo, "I still haven't gotten my paycheck".

"Me either, okay", said Pepe.

"I am sure that he is fine", said Janice.

A police officer came to the theater.

"Well, I've got some sad news about Kermit", said the cop.

Everyone got emoptional.

"What is wrong with Moi's frog?", asked Miss Piggy.

"Well, somebody turned in this video to the police station", said the cop, "I think you should see this".

"Well, at least we'll watch something", said Bobo.

The cop put the video into a VCR and turned it on. The video showed the Master Replica Kermit being set on fire. The other Mupets were shocked.

"That is horrible", said Janice.

"How awful!", said Floyd.

"AWFUL! AWFUL!", yelled Animal.

"So... Kermit's dead?", said Fozzie, sadly.

"Yeah", said the cop, tearfully. Another cop came to the theater with a vase.

"This is all that remains of our poor, beloved frog, Kermit",s aid the other cop.

The other Muppets looked in, and saw an arm, some feet, and a lot of ashes.

"Bummer", creid Janice.

"It sure will be hard to come up with someone to replace him as the host", said Clifford.

"And for our next show, Kermit was planning on doing a song and dance routine", said Scooter.

"Kermit was supposed to sing a duet with Moi", said Miss Piggy.

"My uncle Kermit was also going to sing with me", said Robin.

"And I was supposed to be ina sketch with him, okay", said Pepe.

Later on, Fozzie, Miss Piggy, Sam the Eagle, Floyd, Janice, Bean Bunny, Leon, and Rowlf all sat on the pourch of the boarding house.

"What a sad, sad night", said Fozzie, "I don't feel like being funny".

"And I don't feel like playing the piano", said Rowlf.

"I don't feel like being cute", said Bean.

"What a relief", said Leon.

"Now I'll need another green frog", said Miss Piggy.

Robin came out on the doorsteps, with a letter.

"Uncle Kermit gave me this letter",s aid Robin, "And he asked me not to open it until after his death".

"Well, what does it say?", asked Miss Piggy.

Robin read the letter outloud, "Dear Robin, life is good. Enjoy it as much as you can..."

"What a cute opening paragraph", said Bean.

Robin continued reading, ".....You should be all that you can be. I have a few requests for my memorial service".

"Who doesn't?", asked Floyd.

"Robin continued, "...for one, I do not want anybody to wear black".

"Well, what kind of a funeral do you not wear black at?", asked Sam.

"Well, I have many great non-black outfits", said Miss Piggy.

Robin continued reading, "...Second of all, I would like for a dixie band from the swamp to perform at my memorial service. I know of a good one, The All-Green Amphibean Band."

"Hey, I think I've heard of them", said Rowlf.

"Me, too, fer sure", said Janice.

Robin read the rest, "...And finally, I want my memorial service to be more of a celebration than a funeral. It should be open to all who would like to come. Your uncle, Kermit the Frog".

"What a sweet letter", said Miss Piggy.

"Yeah, it kind of gets me right here",s aid Bean, putting his hand on his heart.

"Well, we'd better get busy with the memorial service", said Sam.

"That's right", said Rowlf.

"Oh, wait!", said Robin, "I found an extra paragraph".

"What does it say?", asked Leon.

"It says 'P.S. I do not want any puppets at my funeral'", said Robin.

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 4

Down at the police station, one officer started to make a discovery.

"I just realized something", said one officer.

"What's that?", said the chief.

"The paper that this threatening letter was written on is beige, and not white", said the officer, "And the words are in blue print".

"So?', asked the chief.

"Over the course of the last few weeks there have been reported death threats typed in blue letters on beige-colored paper", said the officer.

"You're right!", said the chief.

"But unfortunately", said the officer, "We still don't know who wrote them all".

Kermit was down at the outhouse in the swamp, thinking about what to do next.

"Hmmm", thought Kermit, "Should I sing Bein' Green or The Rainbow Connection right now?"

Just then, Kermit heard a knock on the door. He disguised his voice: "Who is it?"

"It's officer Josh Donalds", said the voice.

"Oh, come in", said Kermit.

Officer Donalds came in. "Well, your memorial service is being held today".

"Oh, I would like to come, to make sure that it's the kind that I've always requested", said Kermit.

"Well, your disguise is convincing enough", said Officer Donalds.

The memorial was being held at a big funeral building. Big enough to hold scores of people. The perfect place for all of the Mupets to be.

"Well, although I am not wearing black, I feel like this memorial service is dignified", said Sam the Eagle.

"I am glad you feel that way", said Bean Bunny.

"Okay, let's all get everything organized", said Scooter.

"Right", said Pops, "I will stand outside the building and greet people".

"You don't have to do that", said Sam.

"I know", said Pops, "But I'm attached to my work".

Pops went to the front door, where the minister came by.

"Who are you?", asked Pops.

"I am Reverend Michael Poolsky", said the minister.

"Oh, welcome, welcome", said Pops.

Reverend Poolsky came into the building. He walked up to Fozzie, Gonzo, and Rizzo.

"I am both honored and sorry to be honoring such a legendary celebrity's death", said Rev. Poolsky.

"Oh, that's okay", said Rizzo.

"I wonder how Kermit died anyway", said Gonzo, "I rarely die when I perform stunts".

"Well, it seems like everybody in town is comming", said Fozzie.

"Yeah, we've got a room downstairs with a lot of Kermit the Frog merchandise from over the years", said Rizzo.

"Oh, I would like to come downstairs and see the merchandise", said Rev. Poolsky.

He went to the door that lead downstairs, but Bobo was guarding it.

"Oh, I'm sorry", said Bobo, "The downstairs has a safety limit for the amount of people who can come downstairs, and it's reached the limit. You will have to come downstairs later."

"Oh, who all is down there?", asked Rev. Poolsky.

"Oh, mostly puppeteers", said Bobo.

Downstairs, Frank Oz, Steve Whitmire, Brian Henson, Bill Barretta, Eric Jacopson, Dave Goelz, Jerry Nelson, Kevin Clash, Kathy Mullen, Karen Prell, Ricky Boyd, Caroll Spinney, Terry Agnus, Rick Lyon, Tyler Bunch, John Kennedy, Martin Robinson, David Rudman, Louise Gold, Fran Brill, Joey Mazzarino, John Lovelady, and Brian Meuhl were all downstairs, looking at Kermit merchandise such as the variosu Palisades Kermit action figures, the Sesame Street Magic Talking Kermit plush, the Master Replicas Kermit plush, and even the first Kermti plsuh ever made.

"This is a nice room", said Frank Oz.

"I am sad that my fathers best friend had to die", said Brian Henson, "But I guess they are reunited".

"I like it down here", said Steve Whitmire, "I feel kind of shy up there".

"Yeah", said Dave Goelz, "The walls are probably raised up".

"Maybe retiring is a bad thing", said Jerry Nelson.

"Maybe I should go back to performing", said Brian Meuhl.

Back upstairs, more people were comming.

"Who are you all?", asked Pops.

"I'm Big Bird"

"I'm Ernie"

"I'm Bert"

"Me Cookie Monster"

"Elmo am Elmo"

"I'm Prairie Dawn"

"You know what?", asked Pops, "Just come in... you don't have to introduce yourselves".

All the Sesame Street Muppets came in, walking over Pops. Then Kermit, in his disguise, came in.

"Who are you?",a sked Pops.

"Oh, just call me, uh...", said Kermit, thinking, "Jim. Yeah, Jim".

"Okay", said Pops, "Enjoy the memorial".

Kermit walked in, and Pops thought, "His voice sure does sound familair".

Kermit walked up to Fozzie Bear.

"Oh, hello", said Fozzie, "I don't think we've met before. I'm Fozzie Bear."

"My name is Jim the Frog", said Kermit, "I'm an old friend of Kermit's".

"You know", said Fozzie, "You even sound like Kermit".

"He does not sound like Kermit", said Bert, "He sounds like Ernie".

"I don't think he sounds like me at all", said Ernie.

"That's right", said Kermit.

"Oh, I guess he does sound like me", said Ernie.

"Don't most of us sound alike?", asked Dr. Teeth.

"You've got a point there", said Rowlf.

"I don't hear any resemblence", said Bobo.

"I think that the fact that so many of us sound so similar is sooooo cute!", said Bean Bunny.

"It's so cute that I think I'm gonna get sick", said Rizzo.

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 5

More guests had arrived, including Sam, Harry, Yorrick, Henrietta, and Icky Gunk from Sam and Friends.

"Hey, it's the cast of Sam and Friends", said Scooter.

"Hello", said Harry, "We are sad that Kermit has died, but we're happy to be back in the public eye".

Sam and Yorrick nodded.

"Well, it's great to see you all", said Miss Piggy, sniffing, "I just wish that Kermie would still be alive".

Seymour and Pepe were observing the vase, with the "remains" of Kermit.

"It sure is sad", said Seymour.

"Sad that the frog is gone, okay?", said Pepe.

"Yeah", said Seymour, "But I was referring to the fact that I hardly ever appear in any new productions, outside of fan fictions".

They walked away, as Big Bird and Mr. Snuffleupagus observed the vase.

"I am so sad", said Big Bird, "First Mr. Loo-- err, Hooper, and now Kermit..." Big Bird started crying.

"I'm sad, too", said Mr. Snuffleupagus, "But you know the old song, 'It's Alright to Cry'".

"oh, yeah", said a tearful Big Bird.

The All-Green Amphibean Band showed up.

"Okay", said the band leader, "It's time to start the music!"

The frogs in the band started playing an instrumental version of "When the Saints Come Marchign In". Everyone applauded.

"What a groovy band", said Dr. Teeth.

"I like them", said Janice.

"Good band!", said Animal.

"Maybe Lips and I can go on tour with them", said Zoot.

"And now, we will play another great tune", said the bandleader, as they performed This Frog.

Kermit's frog family applauded the performance.

"Kermit would have liked that", said one frog.

Kermti said to himself, "Yes, that is a good band. If I can ever stop pretending that I am dead I should let them be guest stars".

Oscar, whose can was being carried by Bruno, even liked it.

"This is great, Bruno", said Oscar, "The music is loud, the applause is loud, and there is a lot of grief around here. There's also a lot of trash on the ground."

Statler and Waldorf went up to the vase.

"Well you know what's in here?", said Statler.

"You mean besides Kermit?", asked Waldorf.

"Crisp frogs legs!", said Statler.

They staretd to laugh, but then stopped laughing.

"Maybe it is too much to criticize the dead", said Waldorf.

"I agree", said Statler.

Big Bird, Bob, Gordon, Susan, Maria, and Luis all got togetehr.

"What Kermit was said all these years is true", said Gordon, "It's not easy being green".

"It's not easy being any color", said Bob.

"You cna say that again", said Big Bird.

C3PO and R2D2 then showed up.

"Hey, it's the robots that I met a long tiem ago", said Big Bird, "Or at least I think I met you long ago... how long have I been six?"

"Well, how are you?", asked C3PO.

R2D2 beeped a bit.

"Oh, we are all sad", said Maria.

"What are you doing here, anyway?", asked Susna.

"Oh, we were guest stars on The Mupept Show ionce", said C3PO, "And we've known Kermit ever since".

"Oh, yeah", said Luis, "I remember seeing your appearance".

"Is Yoda here?", asked Big Bird.

"No, Yoda's dead, too", said C3PO.

R2D2 beeped some more dialogue.

Micky Mouse, Minnie Mouse, Donald Duck, Daisy Duck, Goofy, and Pluto then entered.

"Well, this is such a sad occasion", said Mickey.

"I'll say", said Minnie.

"It happens to all the good ones", said Mickey.

"And also to the bad oens", quacked Donald.

"Oh, look!", said Elmo, "It's Mickey Mouse and his friends! Elmo has always wanted to meet you!"

"Thanks", said Donald.

"Yeah, what he said", said Mickey, "But today isn't about meeting people. It's about honoring someone who is just as important to the world as me!"

"Or Elmo!", said Elmo.

"Oh, you're not so important", said Donald.

Grover then encountered Kermit.

"Hey, you look very familair", said Grover.

"Well, I'm sure we haven't met before", lied Kermit.

"Really?", said Grover.

"You might notice that a lot of us look and sound familiar",s aid Kermit.

"Oh?", said Grover.

"Yes, just look around", said Kermit, who pointed to The Count and The Amazing Mumford, both wearing white suits instead of their usual black outfits, "Don't they look similar?"

"Why, yes", said Grover.

"And look at those two", said Kermit, pointing to Sherlock Hemlcok and Farley.

"They look similar", said Grover.

"And let's not forget those two", said Kermit, pointing to Droop and Nigel the Director.

"Oh, you have convicned me", said Grover, "Many of us look similar, but are different".

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 6

A man entered the building, with his daughter, Sara.

"Who are you?", asked Pops.

"My name is Dave", said the man, "and this is my daughter, Sara".

"Let's get in, Dad!", groaned Sara, "I want to make sure that the scary frog really is dead!"

"Okay, sweetie", said Dave, as they walked in.

Pops observed, "Hmmm, could they be.... nah..."

The Amazing Mumford went to the vase.

"What a sad day", said Mumford, "But I will do my newest magic trick!"

"What newest magic trick?", asked Miss Piggy.

"I will wave my magic wand and bring Kermit the Frog back from the dead!", said Mumford.

"Oh, boy!", said Miss Piggy.

"Marvelous idea, okay", said Pepe.

"Splendid", said Bunsen.

"Uh, I don't think it's a good odea to bring back the dead", said Kermit.

"Quiet!", said Miss Piggy.

"A la peanut butter sandwhiches!", said Mumford, who waved his wand, and smoke appeared.... but the "remains" of Kermit stayed the same. The other Muppets groaned as they looked on.

"Well, it was worth a try", said Ernie.

"Bummer", said Janice.

"I, Sherlock Hemlock, will try to fidn the culprit myself", said Sherlock Hemlock.

Everyone turned their heads and saw Kermit, whose disguise had magically fallen off.

"It's Kermit!", shouted an excited Gonzo.

Everybody cheered, all saying different things at once.

"Oh, I have missed you!", said Miss Piggy.

"How ya doing?", asked Dr. Teeth.

"I am so glad to see you alive", said Robin.

"We've all been nothing without you", said Fozzie.

"Mumfy's trick worked, froggy!", said Grover.

"That's great!", said Big Bird.

Just then, Sara started screamming.

"Aaaahh!! He's still alive", she screamed as she started crying, "Come on, Dad, kill him!"

"You know, I've made all thsoe death threats to people who scare you",s aid Dave, "But I don't think I sh...."

"Oh, go on and kill him!", said Sara.

"Okay", said Dave, who took out his gun, and pointed it at Kermit.

"Oh, no...", said Kermit.

"This looks like a job for Super Grover!", said Grover, who left to find a telephone booth.

Sweetums then grabbed the gun out of Dave's hand, and pointed it at Dave.

"Oh, no", said Dave, "See what happens when you attempt to kill somebody?"

"Well, now there's another scary person for us to kill", said Sara.

Sweetums aimed the gun, but the Kermit stopped him.

"Stop!", shouted Kermit, "I know that writing death threats is wrong, but if we murder my victim, we are not any better than he is".

"Even in self-defense?", asked Sweetums.

"I... I guess", said Kermit.

Sweetums then ate the gun.

Miss Piggy then got up and karate-chopped both Dave and Sara.

"Aaahh!", screamed Sara, "What a scary pig".

"Alright, you asked for it!", threatened Miss Piggy, who karate choped her really hard.

The cops then showed up.

"There they are, officers!", said Rizzo, "They're the ones who wrote the threatening letter to Kermit, and attempted to kill him at the theater!"

The cops arrested both of them.

"Wait a minute!", said Dave, "I may have wrote the letter, but I didn't shoot at Kermit at the theater."

"Really?", asked Herry.

"Then who did?", asked Gonzo.

"I did", said Rev. Poolsky, who pointed a machien gun at everybody.

"You? A minister?", said Sam the Eagle.

"Yes, I became a minister so that nobody would ever suspect me of murder", said Rev. Poolsky.

"What a scary twist!", said Telly.

"And now you are all going to die!", said Rev. Poolsky.

"Can me have one last cookie first?", asked Cookie Monster.

 

[minor muppetz]

Chapter 7

Rev. Poolsky pointed his gun at everybody. Miss Piggy suddenly fainted.

"Oh rats", said Rizzo, "She could have saved us".

"The only thing that Piggy could save is a pork product", said Floyd.

"And now, I shall kill you all", said Rev. Poolsky, "I tried to kill Kermit at the Muppet Theater, but it turns out that my gun had blanks."

"That would explain why I didn't feel any bullets", said Kermit.

"But wait a minute", said Clifford, "I saw bullet marks on the curtains".

"Oh, I haven't washed the curtain in six weeks".

Statler and Waldorf were upstairs, watching what was happening.

"He didn't wash teh curtains", said Waldorf.

"Doesn't he ever wash anything?"

"But wait a minute", said Fozzie, "How do you know that your gun is not currently loaded with blanks?"

Rev. Poolsky thought for a minute, "Good question. Let's find out".

He pointed his gun at a wall hook that a rope was tied around. After shooting it, a candleobra fell on Rev. Poolsky. Everybody cheered.

"That sure was a close call", said Elmo.

However, Rev. Poolsky soon got out of the candleobra, and got out his gun.

"And now, you all must...", but before he could continue, a pink pill suddenly shot into his mouth. Beaker was holding a sling shot, and shot Bunsen's pink pill.

"Mee mee!', said Beaker.

"Hey, this was delicious", said Rev. Poolsky.

Beaker walked up to Rev. Poolsky with a jar of the pills, "Meere!"

Rev. Poolsky took the jar and ate all of the pills at one.

"And they say me eat too much", said Cookie Monster.

"And now, prepare to die!", said Rev. Poolsky, who then started to feel pain... his skin started to turn red and sizzled, and he started to feel very dizzy and limb. He spinned around.

Miss Piggy gained conciousness.

"I think I'll take care of you", said Miss Piggy, who karate choped him in another direction.

At that time, a human baker came up from the basements, with a lot of pies.

"Sixteen Grasshopper Pies!", said the baker, who then got knocked down the stairs by Rev. Poolsky. The cops all ran downstairs to arrest him.

"We dud it! We dud it!", shouted The Swedish Chef.

Everybody cheered as the attempted murderers were sent to the police car.

Super Grover then came in.

"Well, I had so much trouble finding a telephone booth", said Grover, "But now I can rescue everybody!"

"It's too late, Grover", said Prairie Dawn, "The enemies have been defeated".

"Oh, another job well doen", said Grover.

"What an odd coincidence", said Fozzie, "On the same night that Kermit got a threatening letter, a different person attempted to kill him".

"A coincidence?", said Waldorf.

"I thought everybody was agaisnt Kermit", said Statler.

The mailman who delivered the letter then showed up.

"Yeah, the guy who wrote the letter is my cousin", said the mailman, "I thought it was suspicious when he gave me an envelope and told me to deliver it by claiming that I found it in the mail car".

Everybodyw as happy to see Kermit.

"Well, I am happy to see all of you too", said Kermit, "Good job respecting my wishes for a memorial service".

"We are just happy that you are not dead", said Rowlf.

"You know", said Kermit, "Since we are all here anyway, let's all have a party!"

"Yay!!!", cheered everybody.

"Oh, great, now everybody is happy", groaned Oscar, "Come on, Bruno, take me home".

The End

 

[minor muppetz]

I would like to talk about some changes between ideas I thought up and what ended up being typed.

I had originally considered having the person who wrote the threatening letter end up being the same person who tried to shot Kermit at the Muppet Theater, but then thought it would be better to have a twist where they are two different people.

I had considered giving Johnny Fiama and Sal a scene or two, perhaps with Sal trying to protect Kermit instead of Johnny, but I forgot to include such scenes.

I also considered giving Link Hogthrob and Dr. Strangepork their own scenes.

I had considered having a scene where Kermit, while in disguise, gets into an argument with Miss Piggy, causing her to karate chop him, and her chop would be strong enough for Kermit's wig and beard to fall off. I also considered having Piggy karate chop him, but instead of having the beard and hair fall off, the karate chop would lead to her realizing on her own that it is really Kermit in disguise.

Another plan that I had for the revelation that Kermit was there in disguise would be Grover running up to him and slapping him on the back (like Grover did to Kermit in the 1970s, and like he did to Herbert Birdsfoot), and the slap would knock Kermit's wig and fake beard off.

And I thought about doing a scene where Don Music tried to write a tribute song for Kermit, an alternate version of Bein' Green, and Kermit would try to help Don Music (and hey, Bein' Green doesn't have any rhymes to begin with, which would have been the source of Don's writers block).

The scene with the puppeteers all being downstairs is a reference to them all being underneath the Muppets when performing them.

 

[ReneeLouvier]

That was an awesome story, minor muppetz. Nothing to you, but it was weird reading that "Sara" was the girl so scared of Kermit. My real name is Sara! *laughing* But that was a great story, either way!