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Miss Piggy's Muppet Adventures: The Great Beartender

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by WebMistressGina, Jul 10, 2012.

  1. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member

    So after many a taunt and threaten, yesterday I was struck by the unending poking stick to write this. This, ladies & gents, was originally supposed to be some funny Muppet adventures, but her royal highness seemed to appear in quite a few of them, that it seemed only fair to grant this series to her name.

    Ironically, the first adventure was suppose to feature Piggy and Gonzo, but for some reason, this idea wormed it's way into my head yesterday morning when I walked in the office and discovered, for the billionth time, that we had no Internet connection. Anyway, every fandom I write for has at least one parody story in which I take a movie or TV show thrust character into said situation; well yesterday this idea reminded me so much of a Designing Women episode that I went with it. So peoples of Mup Cen, I bring forth...to you...episode one in....

    Miss Piggy’s Muppet Adventures Presents
    Miss Piggy Fozzie Bear
    The Great Beartender

    A normal day at the Muppet Theatre usually consisted of loud music, comedy routines, and maybe an explosion or two. So far, they had only gotten one explosion. The Muppets were riding high after their latest movie had been released, followed by their nomination and win at the Academy Awards, which was then followed by getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

    When they weren’t showing up and promoting themselves, they were where they were the happiest – that of their studios located in downtown Hollywood. The studio lot had grown since the group had first decided to expand; now encompassing their theatre and that of their multiple studio attractions, the studios themselves had been in and out of their hands several times before they managed – by the grace of fate – to keep a tight rein on it.

    Inside the theatre proper, things were progressing as they usually did – on stage, the Muppet Show orchestra was going over a few pieces, while backstage, director Kermit the Frog, stage manager Scooter Grosse, and comedian Fozzie Bear had been literally shanghaied by the resident stuntman and daredevil, the Great Gonzo. Gonzo was in the process of explaining his next act, which consisted of several different canons that would shot him back and forth, while the orchestra played the 1812 Overture.

    The highly complicated and extremely dangerous stun called for four canons which would be strategically placed in the theatre – two on stage and two in the back of the hall. “If all goes well,” the weirdo was saying. “I’ll be hurdled back and forth between four canons and at the end, a bunch of fireworks go off!”

    “No,” Kermit said. “No Gonzo, absolutely not. In fact, never, ever will I let you do that. Not only is it extremely dangerous, but you know how susceptible to fire this place is! I can just see it now - you, crashing into a wall and starting a fire. Or you, fireworks in hand, and starting a fire. Or you, bursting out of a canon and bursting into fire!”

    “Okay, firstly,” Gonzo replied, skeptically. “That last one, physically impossible. And secondly, that only happened once. Lightning doesn’t strike twice.”

    “Gonzo,” the frog said, looking his friend square in the eye. “It’s you, which means lightning will find you to strike you.”

    “What?” the weirdo chuckled. “That’s ridiculous.”

    “It’s true.”

    “Oh come on,” he huffed. “It’s that so true, then let me be struck by…”

    The sounds of thunder and lightning echoed overheard before the stuntman could finish he’s sentence.

    “That’s weird,” Scooter murmured. “It’s a perfectly sunny day outside.”

    “See?” Kermit retorted.

    “…a flying ice cream truck!” Gonzo finished, smirking. However, when he heard the telltale sound of something about on top of him, he quickly screamed, “And live!” right before a large, flying ice cream truck fell through the roof, running over the daredevil, and quickly speeding away.

    “I’ve never seen a flying ice cream truck before,” the stage manager mentioned.

    “Too bad he didn’t stop,” Fozzie commented. “An ice cream cone sounds pretty good right now.”

    “Doesn’t it?”

    “No, please,” the frog retorted, walking towards the now flattened stuntman. “Don’t rush to help or anything. I’ve got it.”

    “Oh good,” the manager replied, just as their phone started ringing. “I’ll get the phone then.”

    “You do that.”

    “Kermit, when did your brothers get here?”

    “Muppet Theatre, Scooter speaking. Yes he is,” Scooter said, signaling Fozzie to come over. “May I ask who’s calling? Okay, hold on a sec.” Placing a hand over the mouthpiece, Scooter whispered, “Jeanette Pausen?”

    “Jeanette Pausen!?” Fozzie exclaimed. “What is she doing calling me? I can’t believe she’d call.”

    “Who’s…Jen…Jenny…Petersen?” Gonzo stumbled, wobbly taking the aspirin and water that Kermit or one his brothers was thrusting in his hands.

    “Only like the prettiest, meanest girl at my school,” Fozzie grumbled. “Why on earth would she be calling me? Tell her I’m not here.”

    “I’ve already told her you’re here!”

    “Jeanette Pausen,” Fozzie muttered, taking the receiver from Scooter. Once he was ready to speak with her, he nodded to Scooter to remove his hand from the mouth piece. “Fozzie Bear,” he said, in his most debonair voice possible. “Well, Jeanette, how are you? Really? That’s fantastic! Well, of course I’ll have lunch with you; I’m ecstatic to see you! Why don’t you give me a call when you’re closer in town? Right. Bye!”

    Hanging up, he replied, “Can you believe that?”

    “Who is Jeanette Pausen?” Kermit asked

    “This girl I knew in high school,” Fozzie replied. “I had such a crush on her, but she hardly knew I was around, much less that I was alive. Which why her calling makes no sense what so ever.”

    “We’re pretty popular again,” Scooter said. “It wouldn’t surprise me if she saw you on TV or something.”

    “Well now…meal having,” Gonzo began, before shaking his head to clear it. “What’re you…doing? For?”

    Fozzie’s face drained of all color. Now that he’d agreed to lunch, he wasn’t sure what he should do. “Oh no,” he whispered. “I hadn’t even thought that far ahead! What do I do? What do I do?”

    “No worries, Fozzie,” Kermit replied, patting the bear on the arm. “We’ll help you. Just as soon as we take Gonzo to a hospital; I’m pretty sure he had another concussion.”

    “Thanks, Kermit,” the bear sighed. “I need all the help I can get.” Suddenly the bear’s eyes widened and his mouth opened. “I gotta go!”


    “S’okay,” Gonzo slurred. Reaching out, he tried to pat Kermit on the arm, but missed completely.

    “I’m right here, Gonzo.”

    Following the sound of his voice, a blue furry hand managed to grab a slightly out of focus green arm. “Solid,” the Muppet slurred. “So solid, Timrek.”

    Kermit sighed. “Scooter…”

    “Already on it, Chief,” the assistant said, his smartphone already attached to his ear. “Dr. Winekirk, please. Hey, doc, Scooter Grosse. No, it’s Gonzo this time. Again. Got hit by a flying ice cream truck. Yeah, that’s what I said…”
  2. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Too much... Going on...

    Shows how much the little blue weirdo knows, lightning does and can strike the same place twice.
    Flying ice cream cart? He must have the same luck as Newsie.
    :oops: Do they have fudgie swirl?
    :o: What about honey ripple?
    Guys, we'll go to the ice cream place after I finish this post.
    :batty: I could go for a Transylwania Tvist myself.
    Er, moving on... Jeanette Pauson? Where did that come from? Cause I know Newsie has a Jeanette as Piggy's assistant, though who and/or what she is hasn't been revealed yet in Fear of Furry Monsters. But I wait for the bear's lunch date to see how that goes.
    Timrek, nice, nice reference.
    "No, it's Gonzo this time, again," classic.

    Okay, now I'm done. If you'll excuse me, we've got an ice cream run to do. You want we should bring you back anything?
  3. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member

    I know. Sometimes I can't help myself and I just let it flow.

    You can thank a sponge who lives in the sea for that. While not my favorite of episodes, the line where he says 'may I be struck by', followed by the ominous sounds of lightning and thunder, and then the brilliant idea of stating a falling ice cream truck has been stuck in my mind for years.

    I've been meaning to put in something and there you go.

    I have no idea where I came up with the name, only that I wanted the last name to be some sort of bear pun (paws-son, get it? Yeah, it was late)

    I thank you.

    Yeah, I figure with the amount of insurance they have on him and the amount of dangerous things he does, they probably have their own doctor. Obviously, it's not the first time Scooter has called Winekirk, nor is Gonzo the first person to get called about (can you imagine? "Hey Doc, S Grosse. We've had another incident with the penguins..." or "Hi Dr. Winekirk, it's Scooter Grosse over at the Muppet Theatre. Um...listen, are there any adverse effects to being put in a tuba?" Or even "Hey Dr. Winekirk...oh, you knew it was me? Okay, guess. Huh, how did you know it was Gonzo and Piggy?")

    You know...an ice cream sammich sounds mighty mighty good to me!
  4. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member

    So...my day is already starting off badly. Thankfully there are Muppets to cheer me up. Here's the next section of TGB!

    Across town, in the quaint Beverly Hills mansion of Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy, the diva was hoping to enjoy a day off from the theatre. With her pianist working on other musical numbers for the day, Piggy decided that she would enjoy some time to herself at home, while also doing a favor for famed actress Nicole Kidman. Kidman was out of town for the week and had asked Kermit actually, if he didn’t mind checking in at least twice; she was also expecting a package and wondered if he wouldn’t mind accepting it for her.

    Kermit, being the nice frog that he was, had of course stated he’d be happy to do that, only to realize that he’d only be able to do that once. And that’s where Piggy came in; their relationship had been growing steadily to something a little deeper and a lot more solid than what they had been doing in the past, but it wasn’t there quite yet.

    Certain situations caused the two of them to question their actions before they did anything, but every once in a while they slipped up and got back into the same routine as before.

    Her frog – being the Southern gentleman that he was – had apologized profusely at leaving her with a day in which to stop in. She had let him know that it was fine; well, she let him hang himself a little bit before assuring him she didn’t mind dropping by and signing for a package.

    Piggy had made plans to do that today, at some point, but for now she was planning on relaxing. Dressed in a pair of jeans and a blue button down shirt she had ‘borrowed’ from Kermit, the diva had rolled up her sleeves, put her hair up in a ponytail, and was ready to sit on the couch, read some trashy novel, and finish off her mocha latte. She had just come into the living room and had thrown her novel on the couch when the doorbell rang.

    “Never fails,” she muttered, giving the door a glare. Why was it that whenever she was about to do anything relaxing, the doorbell rang? She was already gearing up to tell the other person to get bent, when she flung open the door and was accosted by something fuzzy and wearing a hat. “What the…?”

    “Piggy, you have to help me!”


    “Please Piggy, I’m desperate and you were the first one I thought of and you’re so great and I know you could help me, if only you would help me, please please, Piggy, I’ll love you forever!”

    Piggy wasn’t sure why Fozzie Bear – and she was pretty sure it was Fozzie – was on his knees and hugging her waist and really, she didn’t care, she just wanted him to stop. “Stop it!” she growled, pushing on his shoulder so he would let go. “Get up. Get up, get up, get up! Get up and get in this house before someone calls the cops or worse, thinks I know you!”

    Fozzie scrambled his way off the floor and into the house, hat in his hands and poor, pathetic puppy dog look on his face. He watched as Piggy closed the door and turned on him, her blue eyes trained on him like a marksman on a target. That’s when Fozzie noticed her attire; far from being Piggy’s usual outfit, the bear was struck by the rather feminine form of his best friend’s girl.

    “You look perky,” he replied, looking her up and down. A raised eyebrow and the crossing of arms put Fozzie on the offensive, quickly trying to backtrack what he said. “Not that that’s bad! Cause it’s not! It’s cute! Wait, I don’t mean that. Wait, I mean…I just…”

    Raising one plumb finger, Piggy said, “Stop talking.” Fozzie immediately shut his mouth and snapped to attention. “Now,” she continued. “You have one minute to explain to me why you have disturbed my relaxing morning. Go.”

    Fozzie quickly explained his situation, how Jeanette Pausen had called him out of the blue and she wanted to have lunch with him, like in a few hours, and he was now panicking. Piggy listened to the pitiful way that Fozzie went on and on, barely containing the urge to fall to his knees and beg for her help. Again. She must be feeling generous, because something inside her couldn’t let the bear hang himself later in the day with someone he obviously still had some latent feelings for.

    “I must be feeling generous,” she sighed. “Alright, saddle up. I got things to do today and there’s nothing that says we can’t think up something on the way.” She started to go past him in order to grab her coffee and keys, when she suddenly stopped and turned to him.


    “Well,” the bear started. “I did want to say ‘domesticated’, but I thought perky was a much better word in describing how cute and pretty you looked today.”

    Piggy glared at him for a moment, thinking over his words before finally saying, “Good call, Bear,” and continuing on her way. Fozzie let out the breath he had been holding; you could never tell when you’d get a pass or fail when it came to Miss Piggy. The bear dolefully followed the diva as she headed out to the garage in order to get a vehicle.

    That’s when Fozzie realized she planned on driving.

    Miss Piggy had a reputation, several really, that preceded her and one of those was her driving ability. Never one to turn down a chauffeured ride, Piggy had none the less taken to the fast and furious rules of the road like a biker on steroids. It all started with that bike sketch they did once – Kermit was sure of it – because suddenly, Piggy was interested in motorcycles.

    That had led to the pig insisting on doing her own motorcycle stunt when they did their second movie. Kermit of course had tried talking her out of it, but when Piggy made up her mind on something, it was set in stone. From there, it snowballed, with the frog just relenting and getting her a very nice black Harley Davidson for her birthday one year.

    Piggy had of course returned the favor and gotten Kermit a hot little sports car that the frog never drove or even rode in.

    Which of course was the car that Piggy was headed towards.

    “Can’t I just follow you?” Fozzie asked, nervously. He didn’t want to be in a car with Piggy, especially if she was behind the wheel.

    “What?” she asked. “That would take too much time. Just come on.”

    “Wouldn’t you rather have 80s robot drive us?”

    Turning to look at him with a huff, she asked, “Do you want my help or not?”

    “I…I do.”

    “Okay then,” she stated. “Now get in the car and let’s go. Tick tock, Fozzie, let’s go.”

    “Piggy, I just…” Fozzie began, taking tentative steps towards the passenger side. Oh, how could he tell Piggy ever so delicately that he feared for his life if he got in this car?

    “Come on, Fozzie!”

    Knowing a command when he heard one, the bear quickly opened the passenger door and got in. While very much a bear of the classics, he couldn’t help but note that Piggy, as always, had excellent tastes. Leather interior, state of the art navigation and computer console greeted him as he closed the door; Piggy had already placed a pair of stylish shades over her eyes, started the car, and was just waiting for the bear.

    “Piggy?” Fozzie asked, softly. “So…there’s a word I’ve been trying to think of that reminds me of your driving…”


    The bear opened his mouth to reply, but found himself thrown back against the seat as Piggy did 120 from the garage to the front gate. “Dangerous…” Fozzie stuttered. “That…that was the word I was looking for.”

    “Seatbelt on?”

    “Uh…” Fozzie scrambled to grab his seatbelt, only to find that the buckle didn’t want to seem to buckle. “Uh, hold on, Piggy, I can’t seem to…”

    “Awesome. Let’s roll.”

    “Wait, Piggy I haven’t…”
  5. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    *Comes back from the Deep Freeze ice cream shop in town.
    Here, we got you a stony sandwich, it's a choc mint ice cream in between two small hot waffles, saw it on Iron Chef. *<333 that show.

    Jeanette Pauson. Yeah, it works. Just wonder if people might think that's Jeanette Possum instead and get confused.

    Nicole Kiddman? She's part of a long record of Tom Cruise ex-wives.
    First Mimi Rogers, then Nicole Kiddman, now Katy Holmes. Yeah, smart of that last one to ditch returning as Rachael Daws in The Dark Knight cause she wanted to stay with her marriage, which she's now leaving.
    The next starlet who we think Cruise might target... Kirsten Stewart. Run away Kirsten! ! !

    *Appreciates Fozzie's plight and likes where this is headed now that it's the pig calling the shots in helping him with his impending dinner date, much like how she worked her magic with Scooty G.

    More please?
  6. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member

    But Count...I don't like choc mint ice cream. :cry:

    First, I so saw that divorce (Holmes/Cruise) like a mile away; second, I was so tempted to have Piggy say something about Nicole and Tom and then decided against it.

    Kirsten Stewart, as in that chick from Twilight? No, no, I encourage that as punishment for helping to make vampires sparkly. And maybe Lestat will teach her some manners.

    Well, because you asked so nicely, here's more and then I actually have to get to work.

    Thirty minutes later, Fozzie Bear was convinced he just had an out of body experience. It was probably due to the heart attack he was sure he suffered, as he and Piggy drove through Beverly Hills, the radio playing some newfangled pop music that Fozzie didn’t get, but obviously Piggy enjoyed. He thought she had asked him if he had a preference, but he couldn’t remember what he said, as he was trying his best to hold on to the dashboard and hope that one of her sudden brakes wouldn’t fling him out the front windshield.

    “Okay,” Piggy replied. “We’re here.”

    Fozzie managed to pry his hands from the dash before stumbling out of the passenger side of the car. Looking up, he saw that they had parked in front of a large white gate that opened to a very nice and large house. “Oh frog, she killed me,” he muttered. He really did have an out of body experience!

    “Are you coming?” Piggy had already made it to the gate and watching as it opened too slowly for her tastes. She could already see that whatever Nicole had ordered had come in and the deliveryman had placed it behind the gate. Picking it up, she handed it to the bear when he finally caught up with her. “Hold.”

    The diva then made her way up the drive to the door, fishing out the keys given to Kermit in order to gain entry. Fozzie, was a normally laid back and mellow type of guy, was never one into the lifestyles of the rich and famous. He was quite happy in his little apartment, though he admitted that he also enjoyed Kermit and Piggy’s house, just because of the homey feeling he got when he was there.

    This place was of course completely different from what he was used to. It looked to be a two story building, decorated in a style that reminded the bear of a Roman Colosseum on the outside, while the inside was done with corresponding colors of beige and white. A baby grand was located off to the side in the foyer, while several couches lined the living room, stationed right in front of a cozy fireplace.

    “Wow,” he breathed.

    “Nice, huh?” Piggy asked, smirking at her co-star. “I had thought about doing the house in neo-classic, but I think the country French went much better with the mood, don’t you agree?” The bear stared at her in open confusion. “Say yes, Fozzie.”

    “Yes, Fozzie.”

    Piggy rolled her eyes, but couldn’t stop the smirk that lined her face. What was it about Fozzie Bear that could make anyone smile? Out of all the Muppets and really, all of Kermit’s friends, Fozzie was probably the only one she really couldn’t stand to stay mad at.

    Not that she would ever tell him, or anyone, that…

    “Goof,” she replied, heading over to one of the couches and taking a seat. “Alright, talk to me. What’s going on with this date of yours?”

    “It’s…it’s not a date,” he stammered. “Is it?”

    “High school crush you haven’t seen in years, mysteriously calls up out of the blue, happens to be in your area,” Piggy recounted. “If the date fits…” She was momentarily interrupted when she felt her phone go off in her pocket. Pulling out, she quickly scanned the text she had just received. “Did you take off from the theatre today and forget to tell someone where you were?”

    “Oh,” Fozzie blanched. “I…may have.”

    “Scooter’s looking for you,” she replied, quickly sending back a reply. “No worries, I just told him you’re with me. See that phone over that? Shout out the numbers so that if your girl calls, she can call here.”

    Fozzie went over to the phone that was placed on a nice table behind one of the couches and read off the phone number. “Why is Kermit at the doctor’s with Gonzo?” she asked.

    “Oh, Gonzo got another concussion.”

    “Figures,” Piggy muttered. “Shoot himself into a wall again?”

    “No,” Fozzie replied, taking a seat opposite the pig. “Got hit by a flying ice cream truck.”

    Piggy looked at him in surprise. “Don’t see that every day,” she replied. “Even where the little weirdo is concerned. Anyway, back to the topic at hand…”

    “Gonzo’s concussion?”

    “Oh no,” the diva replied, with a knowing grin. “I want to hear more about this crush who has suddenly decided to find you.”

    Fozzie shrugged. “What’s there to tell?” he asked. “We went to school together, like from middle school to high school. She didn’t even know I existed back then. I don’t even know why she called this morning!”

    “We are a bit popular as of late.”

    “That’s what Scooter said,” the bear replied. “Piggy, you’re a woman and you know more about this stuff than any of us, this isn’t a date, is it?”

    “Fozzie,” she began. “You can make this whatever you want it to be. She’s obviously reaching out to you for something, which means you have home court advantage. Should use that and run with it. I mean, that’s of course assuming you even remember what she looks like.”

    “Gosh,” the bear sighed. “I didn’t even think about that. The last time I saw her she was this chocolate bear, about medium height, eyes like deep pools of honey, curves that went on for miles…”

    To say that Piggy was surprise – and amused – was a huge understatement. In all the years she had known this particular bear, she had never seen or heard him speak like this. “Pretty?” she asked.


    “Why Fozzie,” she said. “I don’t think I have ever seen you so besotted before.”

    “What?” the bear chuckled, nervously. “I’m not…no, I’m not.”

    “Oh you are,” Piggy insisted. “Look at you! You’re blushing!”
  7. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Well, the mint was the secret ingredient when they were making the stony sandwiches. But hey, if you don't want it, then someone else at this table won't be getting a second scoop. *Nudge to Shotsky's.

    Thas why Ugly Americans did it so much better, turning those Twilligt vamps into Larry David turtlemen instead.

    Interested to read how the date/non-date turns out now that the bear's got the diva coaching him.
    *Leaves normal vanilla ice cream sammich for WMG.
    WebMistressGina likes this.
  8. charlietheowl

    charlietheowl Well-Known Member

    I like the idea of Piggy helping Fozzie with his date, it's really cute. Thanks for sharing.
  9. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member

    Here's a bit more. Ugh, I'm so exhausted today, it's not even funny. The remedy? Take a quick nap when I get home and hope it doesn't completely screw up my sleep schedule.

    “Nuh uh!”

    “Yes huh!”

    The sudden ringing of the phone stopped their childish bickering, but never let it be said that Piggy didn’t always get the last word. “Go get it, Lover Boy.”

    Throwing her a glare, Fozzie none the less answered the phone, completely forgetting of course that it technically wasn’t his phone to answer. “Hello?” he asked. His face broke into a slight grin when he heard the voice on the other end. “Oh, hi. Just get in? Ah. Did…did Scooter give you the number? Oh good. Did he tell you where I was? Oh, he didn’t. Well, should probably give you my address then.”

    Suddenly, an idea began to form in the foamy head of one Fozzie Bear. Against all logic and reasoning, this idea was pushing its way to the forefront of his mind. He wasn’t sure what force was telling him to say it or if he was really in control of what he was saying, but before he could even comprehend the actual words, he found himself saying, “Well, I’m at my house now.”

    From the corner of his eye, he saw Piggy perk up at that and knew he was in trouble. Like big trouble. And once again, before he could control the movement of his mouth, he was rattling off the address as though he’d been to the house a thousand of times. All the while, moving his body and the phone out of the reach of Piggy, who had tried jumping across to stop him.

    When he hung up, he was staring at an irate pig and his heart was beating faster than normal.

    “What do you think you’re doing?”

    “Panicking,” he said, his voice a little shaky. “Hyperventilating. Panicking and hyperventilating.”

    “Oh for the love of…” Piggy groaned. Why, why, why did she answer that door? She could be at home right now, reading the slutty exploits of Margarite and Antonio, but no, she just had to answer that door. “Sit down before you keel over. And for Pete’s sake, breathe!”

    Fozzie slumped himself into the nearest chair, his panic attack subsiding though he did nothing to alleviate the problem he had no gotten both of them into. Looking up, he noticed that Piggy had taken a seat across from him on the coffee table. “What’re we gonna do?”

    It was so tempting to just let the bear handle his own affairs; after all, he was the one that got them both into trouble. But once again, Fozzie Bear had the amazing and irritating ability to be liked, even when he had caused the trouble. He was looking at her like a little bear cub and she often wondered just how accurate their cartoon portrayal of their baby selves was to that of a real little Fozzie.

    Sighing, the pig glanced at the bear. “How long until she gets here?” she asked.

    “Maybe twenty, thirty minutes,” Fozzie stated.

    “Alright,” Piggy replied, standing and looking around. She quickly began picking up all the photos that held anyone from the Kidman family and started hiding them in various places around the house. “That should give us barely enough time to make this house sorta look like you should belong in it.”
    Turning, she saw Fozzie sitting on the couch, wide eyed and confused. “Are you going to help me or what?”

    It only took a second for Fozzie’s brain to catch up with the rest of him and his zany plan, but it was all in. “Right,” he said, jumping up and following her lead of getting rid of the evidence.


    “Muppet Theatre, Kermit speaking.”

    Another harrowing morning had marked the beginnings of Kermit the Frog’s usual routine. After leaving Scooter in charge, he took a somewhat incoherent Gonzo to the offices of Dr. Winekirk, their local physician. The doctor had been an unofficial physician to several of the cast, most notably Gonzo; he had treated several of Gonzo’s sprains, breaks, and yes concussions over the years, that he didn’t even bat an eye when someone from the theatre would call.

    Kermit and Scooter had tried to get him on staff, but the doctor refused, stating instead that he would rather enjoy being able to sit through a show without being called backstage.

    Winekirk had of course guessed that the daredevil would be out of it for a while and that he would definitely need supervision, so Kermit had no choice but to take the weirdo back to the home he shared with leading lady, Miss Piggy.

    The ride home was spent trying to figure out a way to sneak Gonzo in the house without Piggy noticing. While the two of them didn’t out right hate each other, Kermit categorized the relationship between Gonzo and Piggy the way he categorized the relationship between Piggy and the Mayhem’s bassist Floyd Pepper –

    One he didn’t understand and as long as they didn’t actively kill each other, he was okay with that. Gonzo and Piggy had never hit it off, even in the beginning; Kermit figured it was because Gonzo had been interested in Piggy and Piggy had been interested in him.

    They had mellowed – thank heavens – but every once in a while, those two could be at it like cats and dogs. Kermit already knew Gonzo got a kick out of it; the stuntman enjoyed the unpredictable things Piggy would throw at him or say, like some crazed adrenaline junkie high on something besides the rush.

    Piggy, deep down inside he thought, must have enjoyed some aspect of it too or else she wouldn’t keep coming back for more when Gonzo went after all.

    And while having the two of them around could be entertaining, Kermit was not in the mood. Truth be told, he was never in the mood for it, especially not today when it was clear Gonzo was still trying to get him to say yes to canon overture thing, despite not being able to actively string one sentence that made sense.

    Just when 80s robot pulled into the garage and Kermit made a quick sweep around the perimeter did he receive the text on his phone. Kermit was in no ways a technological guy; he enjoyed the simple things and joys in life and was literally being dragged – kicking and screaming – into the 21st century by his assistant and girlfriend.

    He was getting better, but only by necessity. He quickly retrieved the message and gave a sigh of relief in discovering that Fozzie and Piggy were together and neither of them were at the house.

    After feeling good about that, he immediately became suspicious. If Piggy hanging out with Gonzo was odd, Piggy hanging out with Fozzie was right up there. Oh, Piggy may have played the long suffering girlfriend forced to endure her boyfriend’s friends, but Piggy really – at least – tolerate the majority of them.

    Spending time with them was a whole ‘nother story.

    Kermit could have easily continuing pondering this situation if Gonzo hadn’t slumped over and grabbed him around the waist in a sleep induced hug. “Gonzo, get off me.”

    “Love you, snugglebunny,” muttered the sleeping weirdo. The drugs, as always, made the lunatic a bit sleepy and if people thought he was a bit touchy feely when awake, it was nothing compared to when he was asleep.

    “Gonzo!” Kermit exclaimed, trying to extract himself. “We are close, but we are not that close and we never will be! Now wake up and let go of me!”

    And after that little debacle in personal space, Kermit had made a quick run back to the theatre, leaving Gonzo in the capable hands, he hoped, of 80s robot. He hadn’t even been in the building for all of five minutes, when the phone rang.

    “Muppet Theatre, Kermit speaking,” he began. “Gonzo? Gonzo! Why are you up? And on the phone? And…what? What do you mean I should pick up mayonnaise on the way back? What’re you doing in my house, Gonzo? No, you know what? Strike that. Don’t tell me, because I don’t want to know. I’m headed back right now. Don’t move!”
    The Count likes this.
  10. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Hi, do you have any more fic for us hungry readers? We'd love another piece of this Muppet Adventures, since Kermit has to pick up some mayo on his way home.
    :) And what does he want the mayo for?
    :concern: For my PB mayonnaise jalapeño sandwiches! Oh, and we're out of raisins too.
    :) Sheesh.
    Personally I prefer pickles or sweet gherkins on my croonchy nootter bootter sandwiches.
    :hungry: Ürder up!
    Thanks Chef. *Takes lunch over to Shotsky's, maybe there'll be a new memory posted there before the place gets torn down.
    :crazy: plays with Roman candles. *Creepy laugh.
  11. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member

    It's funny you should mention that, cause a new part is coming up. And yes, I am working on Schotsky's, so hopefully I'll get something for you a little later today. Here's more Mup Adventures.

    Back on the Kidman estate, Fozzie was asking an all too important question.

    “You think I should go home and change?”

    “Yes,” Piggy nodded, though the crossing of her arms hardly meant that she was in agreement. “About two hours ago. We don’t have time for you to change!”

    “But…but…” the bear fretted. He pulled at his tie and exclaimed, “She can’t see in me in…in…this! It makes me look shabby!”

    “I have been saying that for years and you’re only listening to me now?”

    “Oh my gosh!” the bear panicked, pacing back and forth in the living room. “I should’ve thought ahead! What’ll I do?”

    “Calm down for one thing,” Piggy huffed. She then proceeded to travel down the hall, where Fozzie wondered what she was doing, when she reappeared with something in her hand. “Here,” she said, thrusting what now looked to be a jacket in the furry hands. “Wear this.”

    “Where’d you get this?”

    “Fozzie!” the diva exclaimed. “Don’t ask questions! Just put the jacket on!”

    Doing as he was told, Fozzie immediately put on the jacket, noting that it was a silky black that felt very soft against his fur. “Oooh!” he cooed. “Comfy.”

    Piggy looked at him, quite surprised how good the bear looked in a smoking jacket. “I have to admit,” she murmured, looking the bear a few times. “You actually decent in a smoking jacket. May have to consider giving you one as a present.”

    “With a pipe?” the bear asked, excitedly.

    “No,” Piggy replied, before looking at him in confusion. “Wait, why?”

    “I just feel this would look good while holding a pipe.”

    The retort that was waiting on her lips actually died out as she considered what he had said. “What the hey?” she shrugged. “Sure, why not?”

    The two stood, looking around at their handy work. All the pictures that could be taken down were and quickly hidden in places where only they would be able to find them. “I think we might actually be able to pull this off,” Piggy stated. “There’s only one problem with this plan though.”

    “What’s that?”

    “You’re a horrible liar.”

    “That’s what I have you for.”

    “True that,” Piggy agreed. “However, even I admit to not being my best at the moment.”

    “Well,” Fozzie began. “We’ll…we’ll just keep it simple. Like, you’re my wealthy neighbor who came over to wish me luck on my latest comedy tour in New York, where I’ll meet my secret lover. My secret married lover!”

    Piggy looked at him, incredulously. Who knew the bear had the imagination of a lunatic? “Why don’t I just be your next door neighbor?”

    “Yeah,” Fozzie nodded. “I suppose that could work.”


    “You are now under house arrest.”

    Receiving a call from Gonzo wasn’t exactly a surprise, however receiving said call when the weirdo should have been resting and receiving the call from his very own home phone had sent Kermit right back to his home, this time with help.

    “Yeah,” Rizzo replied, hands on his hips. “And I’m da warden.”

    Trying to find someone at the last minute while trying to corral acts was probably one of the most difficult things Kermit had ever done. Rizzo was really the last person that Kermit wanted alone with Gonzo in his home, but he was desperate. Really, really desperate. So snagging the rat, the two headed over to the house to find out why Gonzo was calling in the first place.

    Whatever Kermit thought Gonzo was doing was nothing in comparison to what they found him actually doing – despite having a concussion, the daredevil was up and about, dressed in his normal stuntman attire, however he also seemed to be covered in…mayonnaise.

    “Come on, guys!” Gonzo exclaimed, crossing his arms in a pout. “I’m fine! You know I bounce back better after a concussion. I don’t know what it is, but it’s like all those latent ideas I have are knocked loose and let free into the open!”

    “I’m convinced something is knocked loose,” Kermit muttered.

    “And the last thing we need is to let it run free into the open,” Rizzo added.

    “Gonzo,” Kermit started. “I don’t want to hear another word. From this point on, you are under house arrest. The two of you are not to touch anything, eat anything, or steal anything; I think we are all aware of the consequences should Piggy find out that you’ve been here. Now, I am going back to the theatre and so help me, if I hear one more word about whatever it is you plan on doing or thinking about planning on doing here, I will kill you. Both. Better yet, I will get Piggy to kill you! And I won’t stop her. Now, goodbye.”

    And with that, Kermit the Frog left his house for the third time that day with the hope – the deepest, deepest hope - that he wouldn’t need to return until an actual appropriate time.

    “Can you believe that guy?” Gonzo asked, smiling while shaking his head.

    “The little guy has a lot of problems,” Rizzo agreed. “Least of all being you.”

    “You mean you,” the weirdo retorted. “Wanna see why I’m covered in mayo?”

    “Letch,” Rizzo preened, his voice in a falsetto. “You’ve tried that line on me before.”

    Gonzo smirked. He still didn’t know why he and Rizzo were such good friends, but he was glad to have the little rat on his side when it counted. “Wrong,” he stated. “I’ve tried that line on Camilla before and she was a lot more receptive than you’re being right now.”

    “Alright,” Rizzo begged, covering his ears. “I don’t care what Kermit says, I’m looking for some bleach to erase that image from my mind.”
  12. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Hee... Good stuff.

    Got that bear a smoking jacket? His act must be hot tonight.
    :boo: Someone put him out!
    :sleep: His jokes are always a hazard!

    Who knew he had the imagination of a lunatic. The Shadow knows... No wait, that's a different intro.
    He's been spending too much time with the weirdo lately.
    :mad: Which one?

    Frazzled Kermit makes the frog just that much more lovable, cause we've all been there one time or another.

    Gonzo and Camilla covered in mayo? Hey Rizzo, wait for me!
    *Scrubs image out of head furiously.
    *Blames Gina (and Beauregard's Gonziggy shipping) for putting another image in my head of a cute Muppet aardvark girl as the offspring from those two. Hey, we have fannen offspring characters in the stories posted here, why not one between those crossed lovers?

    BTW: I'm pondering... For an owl-human demon, should she have the fire sword most sources say it wields or not, given she'll be kind of sort of like a club bouncer?
    Hope to read from you soonish.
  13. Slackbot

    Slackbot Well-Known Member

    *chuckles* Gonzo can be odd at times. Gonzo doped up on meds is comedy indeed. I was wondering why Kermit is surprised that Gonzo is in his house, since Kermit just left him there, but then I realized that he's concerned about Gonzo's actions. ("What are you doing" can mean "Why are you there?") Maybe he should have gotten Camilla to babysit Gonzo; at least she'd be able to keep his attention, y'know?

    It's funny that Gonzo's 2-cannon stunt from Muppets from Earth got upgraded to 4 cannons, as the stunt in my fic was inspired by Gonzo's 4-cannon minigame in "Muppet Party Cruise." Was that a coincidence?
    The Count likes this.
  14. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member

    My thoughts exactly.

    :concern: Which one?


    But Pinky, I haven't even WRITTEN them a kid yet. But an aardvark like thing I could see. And doesn't Slackbot already have a kid with those two? I mean, not like...her kid...another kid...

    And speaking of the Slackster...

    Gonzo clearly embraces his insanity (as most people should) and really, I blame Kermit. In the words of Squidward, after inviting Spongebob and Patrick into his house (to which, they proceeded to destroy) - "What a surprise. I invited them in and left them alone."

    And no, no coincidence. I had actually racked my brain trying to remember where I read about Gonzo doing a canon act like that and I narrowed it down to you or Rhuanna. I can't remember if you did indeed set it to the 1812, but in hindsight, that would make sense of course.

    So, credit should go where credit should go - the originating idea for Gonzo's canon act goes to the Slackbotinator!

    And now that we've seen Kermit's day, let's head back to see how Piggy and Fozzie are doing...

    Jeanette Pauson was just as lovely as Fozzie remembered her. If he had thought her beautiful in school, it was nothing compared to how she grew up. Still a chocolate brown and still with gorgeous honey brown eyes, seeing the bear at the door took the comedian back to the days of his youth.

    And it didn’t look like he’d be returning anytime soon.

    Piggy didn’t want to admit it, but she was enjoying herself. Counting herself as a master among those of the dating scene, she of course loved it when others found the same type of joy and happiness she had found with Kermit and if or when she could, she would actively promote those types of relationships along. Watching Fozzie Bear, who had the mindset and personality of a five year old, seemingly grow up to that of a fifteen year old had warmed her heart.

    Oh, she’d hold this against him forever, but in this particular moment, she couldn’t not say that she wasn’t amused to watch the very adult bear turn into a puddle of mush. That Jeanette though, Piggy couldn’t put her finger on it, but she was convinced this wasn’t a social call, especially if she had never taken interest in Fozzie before now. The diva was pretty sure she was using Fozzie’s celebrity status and in any other circumstance, she’d probably block it, but…for this particular situation, she would sit back, watch, and see where this went before putting the hammer down if so needed.

    Jeanette Pauson had arrived around fifteen minutes before she was to have lunch with her old high school friend. She had been greeted by him and a cute little pig he had introduced as ‘Peggy Lee’ who was apparently his neighbor. She was actually quite surprised to see her old school chum living in such an estate; she had immediately wondered if the pig who stood with him was perhaps a girlfriend or wife – they certainly seemed close with the way he thrown his arm around her when being introduced.

    The three were now coming from downstairs, after Fozzie had happily suggested a tour of the house. Thankfully, they had managed to keep it short and without peeking in any rooms to get the overall effect of showing the second bear what they could. “I have to admit, Fozzie,” Jeanette was saying. “This isn’t at all what I pictured for you.”

    “Oh?” Ever since the comedic bear had seen his high school crush at the door, he’d been alternating between different accents and voices, which either made him sound worldly or psychotic. “And what exactly did you picture?”

    “Oh, I don’t know,” Jeanette replied, coming into the living room. “Maybe something a bit more…scaled down.”

    “Scaled down?” Fozzie asked. He began to chuckle, looking at Piggy and then Jeanette. “That’s funny. It’s probably because you haven’t seen me in quite some time, but if there’s one thing I’m not, it’s scaled down.”

    “He’s right,” Piggy nodded.

    Looking up, Jeanette pointed to the large picture of a man that was hung over the mantel. “You know,” she began. “He’s been in a number of areas in the house. Is he a relative?”



    Fozzie and Piggy looked at each other before Fozzie stated, “He was a dear friend. Of my father’s. Dear, dear friend. He died.” Looking over at Jeanette, he amended with, “It wasn’t a tragic death or anything, just a normal one.” Turning back to the portrait, he said, “But still…it was a death.”

    “Well,” Piggy interrupted. The sooner the madness stopped, the sooner she could wash her hands of this whole thing and head home to her book and couch. “I think that’s a perfect segway to saying goodbye. It was a pleasure meeting you, Jeanette.”

    “Likewise, Peggy,” Jeanette replied, shaking the pig’s hand. “And you know, this is such a great house and I noticed the big patio. If it’s alright with you, Fozzie, why don’t we have lunch here?”

    “Sure!” Fozzie exclaimed, unheeded by the way Piggy grabbed his hand in warning.

    “I just had another idea,” the darker bear replied. Stepping up to Fozzie, she laid a hand against his chest. “I haven’t been able to get a hotel room while I stopped in. I was hoping I could spend the night.”

    Fozzie’s brain short circuited for a moment, but when it came back online, it did two things. The first thing was to send out an “Okay!” from his lips, the second was to be notified that the pain in his hand was increasing exponentially.

    “Great!” Jeanette turned to look at a few of the knick knacks that were adorned at another corner of the room, leaving Fozzie free to fall to his knees in pain. Snatching his arm back from the icy pain of Piggy’s own hand, he was surprised to hear, “Why are you on the floor?”

    “Oh!” he replied, cradling his arm as nonchalantly as he could. “Just…just…looking for my contact. Pesky things, always popping out of my eye. Oh, here it is.” Miming picking up a nonexistent contact lens, the comic stood, saying, “Why don’t I go into the kitchen and put this back in?”

    “Why don’t I help you?” Piggy stated, giving Fozzie a very deadly look.

    “No, that’s okay.”

    “Oh, but I insist,” she giggled, pushing him roughly towards the kitchen. “We’ll be right back. Make yourself at home.”

    Once in the kitchen, Piggy immediately dropped her friendly attitude and whirled on Fozzie. “What’re you doing?” she hissed.

    “Panicking,” he shot. “And I’m in pain. I’m panicking cause I’m in pain and I’m in pain because I panicked.”

    “Will you get a grip?” she tossed back at him. Pacing, she continued with, “Let’s…let’s look at this logically. What does logic tell us?”

    “That I think you broke my hand.”

    “It tells us,” she gritted. “That we cannot stay in this house. She cannot stay in this house overnight! It just can’t happen!”

    “Well, then what do we do?”

    Piggy racked her brain for some sort of idea that would keep Fozzie in Jeanette’s good graces, while avoiding a sleep over. “I got it,” she said. “Our house. Just go out there and tell her that…that…you’re doing reconstruction on the house tomorrow and you need to go to your other house.”

    “I have other houses?” the bear asked in surprised wonderment.

    “Sure kid, you got millions of them.”

    “Wow,” he sighed. “But wait a minute. What about you and Kermit?”

    “I’m sure we can find something to do for one night,” Piggy replied. “Okay, let’s get there and get her gone.”

    “Hey, wait a minute…”


    “When are the Kidman’s coming back?” Fozzie asked.

    “You mean the Urbans?” Piggy corrected.

    “The Who?”

    “Not the Who, the Urbans,” Piggy stressed. “As in the mister and misses.”

    “Whatever,” the bear said. “When are they coming back?”

    “Not till the end of the week.” Looking at him, she narrowed her eyes in suspicion. “Why?”

    “Well, why can’t we spend the night?”

    Piggy only waited a beat before asking, “Are you kidding?”

    “Wait, hear me out!” Fozzie protested. “It would only be for one night and they would never even know! Look, Jeanette could stay and then I’ll help you put everything back the way it was, promise!”

    “Fozzie,” the diva replied, sternly. “In any other circumstance, I would be fine with because – heaven knows – you need a date. However, in this particular instance, I can’t condone it. Especially not in this house. Or mine, for that matter.”

    “What could happen?”

    “First,” she said. “Never say piece of cake in the labyrinth. Second, are you seriously not picking up on the vibes she’s sending out?”

    “What vibes?”

    And like that, fifteen year old Fozzie had suddenly turned into five year old Fozzie, which left Piggy in the sticky predicament of trying to explain why Jeanette had suggested the sleep over in the first place. She looked at Fozzie hard for a moment, before looking skyward and saying, “I’m being punished, aren’t I?”

    “Wait Piggy,” Fozzie exclaimed. “You could stay here with us!”

    “Say what?”

    “Like a chaperone!” the bear continued. “That way, it’ll put your mind at ease and you know, you can…you can make sure I don’t do anything crazy.”

    “Oh yes, of course,” Piggy said, sarcastically. “Because the previous actions have been quite normal.” Rubbing her forehead and sighing, she acquisitioned with, “I can’t believe I’m agreeing to this. You are going to owe me so much when this is over.”

    “Yes,” Fozzie said, nodding enthusiastically. “Yes I am.” Grabbing her up in a sudden hug, Fozzie continued with, “Thank you so much. You are totally the best person ever!”

    “I so totally know that,” she grumbled; none the less, she conceded to the hug before pushing him away. “Now look at me. The important thing here is that we don’t panic, okay?” Fozzie nodded. “The most important thing, however, is that the frog never finds out about this. Because if Kermit finds out what we’re doing, it’ll be the end of you and it’ll be the end of me, but most importantly, it’ll be the end of me.”

    Again Fozzie nodded.

    “We are actors,” she stressed. “We are entertainers. It’s time to put those skills to work. Because if anyone is going to pull this off, it’s going to be us, right?”


    “Okay then,” she nodded. Squaring her shoulders, she announced, “Let’s do this thing.”
  15. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Hmm, so Jeanette's got an alterior motive for getting together with Fozzie? Intrigued to read how this develops.
    Good call on staying at the Kiddman/Bear estate, you don't want to do this same act back at your home Piggy... Er, let's just say it's already occupied with some other houseguests. Who notified the frog you're out of mayonnaise. And raisins.
    Nice to have the comparison of Fozzie at differing ages in Piggy's mind as part of the narrative, it rully helps paint the picture of his shifting confidence regarding this old flame.

    Dunno where this is headed, but I wants to read more. Will you please post more for us to reads?
  16. miss kermie

    miss kermie Well-Known Member

    You rock. All I shall say.

    More please!
  17. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member

    We're coming up to the end here! This is an extra long post, but don't worry, I should have the rest of it and the Designing Women episode it's based on up and running tomorrow morning!

    Rizzo the Rat shook his head. This…was a bad idea.

    Currently, his charge, the Great Gonzo, had somehow talked him into going down the street to the park. That in itself wasn’t a bad thing; the bad thing was the fact that they had taken two canons with them. How he let the weirdo talk him into these things, he didn’t know. He really didn’t.

    Despite knowing the guy from way back when, it was only when the Muppet group as a whole started to splinter when the two found themselves hanging out together. When they did that take on the Dickens book, they found that they had tons of fun together and it clicked after that.

    Rizzo didn’t have many people that he would consider his best friends, but he definitely counted Gonzo among that short list. Truthfully, he had been a bit afraid and jealous in the notion that once the Muppets got back together, the Power Trio would reunite and he’d be left on the curb.

    He probably should’ve known that the weirdo was the kind of guy who tried to make time for everyone; even when he, Kermit, and Fozzie had their guys’ night out, Gonzo always made sure to schedule something for the two of them. That was probably why he ended up doing these things.

    That and he was the only one crazy enough to go along with it.

    Today’s crazy plan, aside from Gonzo getting run over by a falling ice cream truck, was the weirdo showing his friend just why he had covered himself in Kermit’s mayo. One word.


    “See, the mayo acts as a conductor, so to speak,” the stuntman was saying. “I shoot out of the canon faster and hit the other canons easier. There’s a method to my madness.”

    “There’s a perversion to your madness,” the rat quipped. “From now on, I’m carrying bleach whenever I’m with you.”

    “Sweet talk will get you nowhere.”

    “Tell me again why we’re in this park,” Rizzo continued. “And why we have brought with us two canons?”

    “You wanted to know why I was covered in mayo, right?” Gonzo asked.

    “Actually no,” Rizzo stated. “You just sorta dragged me with you down here.”

    Gonzo stared at him for a moment. “Why’re you making this a park of lies, Rizzo?” he asked, seriously. “I think we both know how excited you were at watching me douse myself with mayo and then shooting myself back and forth with two canons.”

    “You got me,” the rat sighed. “You know nothing floats my boat better than that.”

    “I know it.”

    Luckily for them, the park was pretty much empty by the time they had dragged two canons to the park. It went unsaid that, of course, the frog would never hear about this; that would mean telling him that they had used his robotic servant to drive them to a ‘special location only known by certain people’ in order to get two canons.

    Then of course they had to somehow get two canons into Kermit’s little sedan – there’d be a scratch he’d probably wonder about and why there was suddenly a hitch on his car – and why the 80’s robot had a sudden reboot.

    Rizzo did feel a bit bad about that; he thought it be better to get an expert to come down and wipe the memory of the last few hours, but Gonzo had nixed that idea, only stating that Scooter was a bad choice because Gonzo, of all people, thought the manager would take a perverse liking to dismantling the thing.

    They had done a good deed though and stopped by and picked up more mayo to replace the ones they had used and would be using. That should make Kermit happy; hopefully.

    “Okay,” Gonzo replied, after the two of them began to set up the canons. “Now, you have to remember this would work better with four canons okay? So, the general idea is a full orchestral and performance of the 1812 Overture. I’m thinking complete reenactment…”

    “The frog is never going to okay that.”

    “He might,” the weirdo replied. “Especially when I get started on the dancing girls.”

    “Isn’t that how you and Camilla broke up the first time?”

    The stuntman sighed. “No,” he said. “That…was a whole ‘nother set of circumstances. Moving on – right at the apex, is when I do the canons. You know how the song goes?” Rizzo nodded. “Awesome! Hold on!”

    Here, Gonzo proceeded to cover himself in about a bottle and a half of mayonnaise before he loaded himself into one of the canons. Rizzo, standing by with a match asked, “Ready?”

    “Let’s do this thing!”

    Putting flame to wick, Rizzo began to sing, loudly, the ending to the 1812.


    A long day was coming to a close and Kermit didn’t think he had ever been so happy to leave the theatre before. He and Scooter had to fend off a penguin revolt, a mutating carrot, baby tantrums, and that week’s show.

    That of course didn’t even begin to cover his few hours with Gonzo. Some days, Kermit was seriously tempted to call the mental health institute and have them come take everyone away.

    “Alright Scooter,” he said, standing upright and stretching. While he loved the desk backstage, he was really contemplating getting chairs or stools or something; standing and leaning over for hours at a time was killing his back.

    And his feet.

    “I’m heading out.”

    “Okay Chief.”

    “Hey,” he asked. “Have you heard back from Piggy and Fozzie?”

    Scooter shook his head. “Not since Piggy texted me and said they were together.”

    “That’s weird,” Kermit muttered. “Well, I have an idea of where they could be –“ Please not the house, please not the house. “I’m sure I’ll see them.”

    “Want me to text Piggy?”

    “Nah,” the frog replied. “I’m sure it’s fine.”

    “Oh,” the assistant began. “Your highly unrefined technological disaster arrived a few minutes ago.”

    Kermit resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He was completely baffled at this weird, one sided rivalry between his stage manager and his valet. He didn’t even think 80s robot was aware that the redhead was out to get him.

    “Thank you, Scooter,” he said, heading towards his technological disaster of a valet.

    He would be glad when this night was over.


    Piggy couldn’t wait for this night to be over.

    The sudden change in venue for both lunch and dinner, plus an unscheduled sleep over meant things needed to be changed, rearranged, and moved.

    Luckily, Nicole or Keith must have friends who stayed over because the guest room was done up and ready for the next guest. That of course was a good thing; finding something for Jeanette to sleep in was something completely different.

    Piggy usually didn’t make a habit of roaming around in another person’s closet and certainly not without their permission. In this case, the diva had to wing it and blindly picked whatever she thought would look good on the chocolate bear downstairs.

    If she hadn’t been convinced before, she was convinced now that Jeanette was looking to put another mark on her bedpost and unfortunately that next mark was named Fozzie Bear. Well, she was not about to let that happen. While Fozzie may have grated her nerves, he wasn’t the kind of person she wished this type of behavior on.

    Maybe she was getting sentimental, but as Kermit’s best friend and eventual best man, Fozzie Bear held a special place in her heart and she felt obligated to make sure nothing horrible happened to him.

    Downstairs, nothing horrible was happening to Fozzie Bear, but it didn’t mean that it wasn’t in the process. Both bears had dressed themselves down, both ready for bed at any moment. There had been that momentary level of panic when Piggy and Fozzie had been forced to rush upstairs and find pajamas in which to sleep in, but apparently they were doing such a good job at this, Jeanette hadn’t even noticed that anything suspicious was going on.

    That is until the small green frog walked in.

    “Hey guys, are you still here?”

    “Kermit,” whispered the comic, his eyes wide at the prospect of his arrival. Their plan only hinged on two things – keeping calm and making sure that Kermit didn’t find out. This of course wouldn’t be good if Kermit had shown up, which of course was making Fozzie start to panic.

    Sure enough, Kermit walked through the foyer and into the living room, surprised to see Fozzie and an unnamed bear dressed for bed and sitting in the living room.

    “Kermit!” Fozzie exclaimed, jumping up from his perch next to Jeanette and practically running towards Kermit. “Ha! Kermit, what…what a…what a lovely surprise! Jeanette, this is Kermit, the Frog. You know, the actor/director/producer that I sometimes collaborate with.”

    “How do you do?” Jeanette asked, reaching forward with her hand.

    “Hello,” Kermit muttered, shaking her hand before turning a glare on to Fozzie.

    “Don’t you just love Fozzie’s house?”

    Kermit continued to stare at the bear. “Your house?”

    “One of many,” the bear chuckled, nervously. This would not work if Kermit wasn’t on board, which it clearly looked as though he wasn’t. “Remember?”

    “Oh yes,” the frog deadpanned. “I forgot. You have so many.”

    “Hey Fozzie, I just saw a car pull up and…”

    Piggy interrupted her own sentence with a startled gasp worthy of Curly from the Three Stooges.

    “Kermit,” Fozzie replied. “Have you…do…do you remember my neighbor? Piggy…Peggy. Lee. Peggy Lee?”

    There were many times in which Piggy showed just how good of an actress she truly was. Meetings, parties, interviews, what have you were always good practice for her to put on the long suffering, grand standing diva act that she was known for. There were, of course, very few times in which she was asked to act on the spot, but even in those incidences, she wouldn’t break character if she could help it.

    Kinda like now.

    Stepping forward, she held out her hand to the frog, saying, “Charmed.”

    “Hello, Peggy.”

    “Well, Kermit, it’s a shame you can’t stay,” Fozzie said, his words coming out in a bit of a rush. “I know how very busy you are and I’m sure you’d like to get home. TO your house, that is very far away from here.”

    “It’s a shame that you can’t stay,” Jeanette began.


    “We’re going to have so much fun sleeping here.”

    “Excuse me?”

    “Oh well, I’m staying,” the bear perked up. “I can’t believe I’m spending the night in one of Fozzie’s homes.”

    Kermit’s lips twitched, as did one of his eyes. “Either can I,” he replied. “How delightful. Fozzie, could I see you and your plucky neighborhood sidekick in the kitchen for a moment?”
  18. miss kermie

    miss kermie Well-Known Member

    Ha ha ha ha ha, how do you say, "Busted?" LOL

    More please!
  19. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Sorry, it's a good chapter/addition, but something doesn't jive.

    If Fozzie and Jeanette, and Piggy, are at the Kiddman's estate as the guest room has clearly been done up already for the next guest... Then how does Kermit walk in on them in what would be his and Piggy's house?
    That one glaring piece of continuity error is really ruining the enjoyment/believability of Kermit walking in on the duo, busting the cherade, and leading to what will be a tierade exploding frog.

    Love the story and I want to read what's next, just needed to help you correct this little fumble.
  20. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member

    I don't follow. :confused:

    Kermit has arrived at the Kidman estate, not his house. When Kermit tells Scooter that he had an idea of where the two of them are, he's hoping they aren't at his house (cause that's where GOnzo and Rizzo SHOULD be). The frog instinctively headed over to the Kidman's, hence why he was surprised when he saw Jeanette and when he saw Fozzie in jammies.

    Were you confused because Piggy had SUGGESTED the house earlier?

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