More Sesame Street fan fiction.

[Censored]

Here is another piece of fan fiction by me that has the dubious honor of being rejected by the Children's Television Workshop.


OSCAR GETS CANNED

by G.B.



Scene 1: (This episode of Sesame Street begins with Oscar
nervously pacing outside of his can. All of his pets are out there
with him. Maria comes along, welcomes the viewers to Sesame Street,
and then asks Oscar what's wrong.

Oscar (Grumpy tone): I'm just nervous. Today the Grouch
Inspector is coming to see me.

Maria: "The Grouch Inspector"?

Oscar (Agitated): Yes, he's the grouch who checks up on all other
grouches. He makes sure that we're all being grouchy enough. If he
doesn't think I'm grouchy enough, I could lose my trash can!

Maria (Pauses for a few moments, speechless with amazement, then
speaks): Well Oscar, I don't think you have anything to worry about.
You are very, very grouchy.

Oscar (Nervously): I know, but I'll feel better after this whole
inspection is over with.

Maria (Comforting): Well, I'm sure you'll pass with flying
colors.

Oscar (Looking off screen): Oh, I think I see the Grouch
Inspector coming now.

(The Grouch Inspector appears. He is most likely a muppet
resembling Oscar).

Grouch Inspector (Nasty tone): I'm the Grouch Inspector. I'm
here to see if Oscar is a true grouch.

Oscar (Very nervous): Er...I'm Oscar, Mr. Grouch Inspector. I
assure you I am 100% grouch!

Grouch Inspector: I'll be the judge of that. First, I'm going to
inspect your trash can to make sure it's dirty enough. (The Grouch
Inspector pokes his head inside the can, keeps it there a few minutes,
and then takes it out). YUK! Your trash can is definitely filthy
enough! (Coughs) You pass this part of the test with flying colors.
(The Grouch Inspector then produces a pad and pen and marks down the
score).

Oscar: GREAT!

Grouch Inspector: Now I have to see if you have any pets. If you
do, they better be grouchy ones.

Oscar (Proudly pointing to his pets that are out there with him):
These are my pets; Slimey, Fluffy, Deyago, Spot, and Lassie.

Grouch Inspector (Examining the animals): Hmmm...A worm, an
elephant, a donkey, a pig, and a goat. I can honestly say that these
are the grouchiest pets I've ever seen. (With that, he marks down the
score again).

Maria: You see that, Oscar? You're doing fine.

Oscar (Yelling in a nasty tone): Will you be quiet?! The Grouch
Inspector is concentrating!

Grouch Inspector: Oscar, you have just passed the final part of
this exam, the rudeness test. Boy, were you rude with that person
standing by you! Oscar, I think it is safe to say that you are the
grouchiest grouch I've ever seen. I am certainly going to pass you!

Oscar (Very relieved): WHEW! Thank you!

Grouch Inspector (Drops his pad and pen and jumps back in shock):
What the...!? "Thank you"? In all my years of inspecting grouches,
I've never had one of them tell me "thank you"! You, Oscar, are a
disgrace to the name of all grouches!

Oscar: OH NO!

Grouch Inspector: Oh YES! You are not a grouch so you cannot
live in a trash can! (Picking up Oscar's trash can) I'm taking it
away!

Oscar: NO! NO! I didn't mean to say that! I'm sorry!

Grouch Inspector (Looking at Oscar in shock): You're "sorry"?
That's almost as bad as "thank you"! You're definitely not a grouch.
(With that, the Grouch Inspector lifts up the trash can and starts
walking away with it).

Oscar: NO! COME BACK! PLEASE!

Grouch Inspector (Turning around and looking at Oscar in total
horror): "Please"!? The word "please" is worse than "thank you" and
"sorry" combined! You'll never get your can back now! (With that,
the Grouch Inspector walks away with Oscar's can).

Oscar: OH NOOOOOOO! Where are me and my pets going to live now!?

Maria (Not knowing what to say): Oh...Oscar..

(Oscar cries as Maria comforts him. Fade out).


Scene 2: (Back to the street scene where Oscar's can used to be.
The can is still gone as Oscar stands outside with his pets. He is
still very upset and Maria is trying to calm him down).

Oscar: Oh no! What am I going to do!?

Maria (Unsure): Oh...uh...Don't worry, Oscar...we'll think of
something...

(Suddenly, a female grouch named Slopyna appears. She is probably
a muppet that resembles Oscar. Slopyna is wearing a messy business
suit. She speaks in an abrupt and grouchy, yet reassuring voice).

Slopyna: Don't worry, Mr. Oscar, your troubles are over!

Oscar (Looking at Slopyna): Uh...Who are you?

Slopyna: I am Slopyna and I work for the A.G.L.U.

Oscar: The "A.G.L.U."?

Slopyna (Nasty): Yes! The A.G.L.U.! That's the American Grouches
Liberty Union! We're a group of grouches who stand for justice! We
believe that grouches have the right to say whatever they want even if
it is -YUK!- "thank you"!

Oscar (Hopeful): You're here to help me!?

Slopyna: Yes! I may not agree with the polite things you say, but
I will defend to the end your right to say them! Grouches should not
lose their trash cans just for saying nice words!

Oscar (Desperate): So, can you get my trash can back!?

Slopyna: Yes! The case of your trash can is open and shut! I
will definitely be able to get your home back when I take your case to
grouch court!

Oscar: And how long will that take!?

Slopyna: Oh, only about three weeks.

Oscar (Upset): "THREE WEEKS!!?" Where will I stay in the
meantime!!?

Slopyna (Nasty): I don't know! I can't do everything! (With
that, she abruptly leaves. Fade out).


Scene 3: (Back to Oscar's can. Maria and Oscar are still outside
with his pets).

Maria: Well, Oscar, at least Slopyna is going to get your can
back.

Oscar: Well, yeah, but she said that it'll take three weeks! I
have to find a place for me and my pets in the meantime! I want to
stay with someone who is grouchy! (He thinks for a moment and then
gets an idea). Hey! I know! I'll stay with Ernie and Bert!

Maria (Confused): But...Ernie and Bert aren't grouches.

Oscar: Well, no, maybe not individually. I mean, Ernie's way too
nice and friendly to be a grouch and Bert's much too neat and clean to
be a grouch, but together, between Ernie's noise and mess and Bert's
complaining about it, they can be the grouchiest pair in the world.

Maria: Hmmm...

Oscar (Singing a new song. This song might have a cheering type of
tune):

Ernie and Bert are a pair,

Loved by grouches everywhere,

Cause they make such grouchy noise.

Bert screams and makes a scene.

As Ernie keeps their place unclean,

When he scatters all his toys.

Now, Ernie's much too nice,

With all his silly vice,

To be a grouch all by himself.

And Bert is just so clean,

He's like a neatness fiend,

Always dusting off the shelf.

But, put them both together,

And they're grouches of a feather,

Bert screams while Ernie tracks in the dirt.

They're a grouch's dream come true,

As long as they are two,

THREE GROUCHY CHEERS FOR ERNIE AND

BERT_______!

(When Oscar finishes singing, he calls his pets as they go inside
the 123 apartment building. Maria looks at the camera and shrugs her
shoulders. Fade out).


TO BE CONTINUED...

 

[Censored]

Oscar Gets Canned part two

By G.B.




Scene 4: (This scene is in Ernie and Bert's apartment. Ernie is
watching TV when there is a knock on the door. Ernie answers it and
sees Oscar).

Oscar: I've got good news. I'm going to give you and Bert the
pleasure of my grouchy company for three weeks.

Ernie: Oh?

Oscar: Yeah, somebody took my trash can and it's gonna take three
weeks to get it back.

Ernie (Somewhat confused): Well, I don't see why you can't stay
here. But, I'll have to ask Bert. (Yelling) OH, BERT!

(Bert comes out of the kitchen, wearing an apron and a chef's
hat).

Bert (Impatient): What do you want, Ernie? I'm in the middle of
preparing oatmeal.

Ernie: Well, Bert, (Pointing to Oscar), Oscar's at the door and
he needs a place to stay for the next three weeks.

Bert: Okay, Ernie, I'll deal with this. Just go watch my oatmeal
so it doesn't overflow!

Ernie (Going into the kitchen): Okay, Bert.

Bert (To Oscar): Well, okay, Oscar, you can stay here. We'll all
take turns sleeping on the couch.

Oscar: Great! (He then turns around and calls his pets) Here
Slimey! Lassie! Deyago! Spot! Fluffy!

Bert: Wha...? Oscar, who are you calling?

Oscar: All of my pets. Where I go, they go.

Bert (In horror): You...you...mean...

Oscar: Sure, my pet worm, goat, donkey, pig, and elephant.

(All of the animals come charging in, trampling down all the
furniture in the apartment. Meanwhile, Bert screams for Ernie).

Bert: ERNIE! ERNIE! ERNIEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (Fade
out).


Scene 5: (Back to Ernie and Bert's apartment. It is now night
time. Oscar is lying on the couch, not sleeping yet. Suddenly, Ernie
comes out of the bedroom in his pajamas).

Ernie: Say, Oscar, I've got a great idea. With all of your pets
here, I'm going to start an all-animal band. I have instruments for
each of them.

Oscar: That sounds great. They love music. But, just remember,
they only like to play at night! Heh! Heh! Heh!

Ernie (Enthusiastic): Sure! We'll start right now!

Oscar (Mischievous tone): That's what I was hoping for!

(So, Ernie calls Oscar's pets, gives them each a musical
instrument, and conducts them as they play horrible music. Bert
storms out of the bedroom and starts yelling about all of the noise.
Ernie's conducting continues and so does the music and Bert's
hollering).

Oscar (Happy as he looks into the camera): I knew this place was
a winner! Heh! Heh! Heh! (Fade out).


Scene 6: (Back to Ernie and Bert's apartment. This time the
scene takes place in the bedroom. Bert is tossing and turning in bed,
trying to sleep, while the music is still going on in the living room.
Suddenly, Oscar storms in the bedroom. He is no longer pleased with
the noise).

Oscar (Annoyed): Hey, Bert! Can't you get Ernie to stop that
racket?

Bert: I thought you liked that horrible noise, Oscar.

Oscar: Well, yeah, I like it up to a point! But even grouches
have to eventually get their sleep! Ernie never stops!

Bert: Well, Oscar, it's your pets who are actually playing the
music.

Oscar: Yeah, but they wouldn't play if Ernie wasn't telling them
to! He's the conductor! I don't think I can stand it anymore! In
fact, I can't stand it anymore! My pets and I are leaving!

(With that, Oscar storms out of the bedroom. Off screen, we hear
Oscar opening the front door and calling each of his pets by name.
Little by little, we hear each musical instrument stopping until the
door closes and everything's quiet).

Ernie (From off screen): Hey, Bert, the music stopped!

Bert (Happy): That's right, Ernie! (Laughs) Oscar and his pets
are gone so you might as well come to bed. There won't be anymore of
that music here.

Ernie (From off screen): Don't be silly, Bert. The whole time
they were playing, I had the tape recorder on. Now we can hear their
music over and over again. (We hear a button being pushed and the
music starts again. Bert sits up and raises his eyebrows in total
horror).

Bert: OH NO! I CAN'T STAND IT! I JUST CAN'T STAND IT! (Bert
leaps up and runs out of the bedroom). ARRRRRHHHH! ERNIEEEEEEEE!
Fade out).


Scene 7: (Back to the street scene. It is still night time on
Sesame Street. Oscar angrily storms out of the building with all of
his pets. Maria sticks her head out of her apartment window).

Maria: Oscar, I thought you were staying with Ernie and Bert.

Oscar (Angrily): It just wasn't working out! That Ernie gave my
pets musical instruments!

Maria: Is that what that horrible noise was?

Oscar: It's 1 o'clock in the morning and I haven't gotten a wink
of sleep!

Maria: Well, if it makes you feel any better, Oscar, neither has
anyone else on Sesame Street!

Oscar: BAH! I've got to find another place.

Maria: Tell you what, Oscar. Why don't you just come in and stay
with Luis, Gabriela, and I?

Oscar: No, no, no! These apartments are too small for all of my
animals! They need some place with a lot of room!

Maria: Like your trash can, Oscar?

Oscar: YEAH! I WISH I HAD MY BEAUTIFUL ROOMY HOME BACK! (Oscar
stops for a moment as he gets an idea). Hey! I know! I'll stay with
the Count! His castle has a lot of space.

(Oscar calls his pets as they go off. Maria shakes her head in
bewilderment and closes her window).


Scene 8: (This scene opens at the Count's castle. Oscar and his
pets are already inside. Everyone is ready for bed. The pets are
sleeping on the floor. The Count is in his bed and Oscar is in the
guest bed next to it).

Count: I am so happy to have all of your pets over here tonight.

Oscar (Annoyed): I'm glad you like my pets, but I really need to
get some sleep! You can play with them tomorrow!

Count (Enthused): Oh no, I do not want to play with your pets; I
want to count them! (And so he counts them. Thunder and lightening
naturally follow. This frightens the pets and they make noise.
Between the thunder and the pets' noise, Oscar cannot sleep).

Oscar (Angrily): COUNT! Why don't you wait until tomorrow to
count them so I can get some SLEEP!

Count: Oh, I am sorry, Oscar. It's just that you have so many
pets, I don't know if I can control my counting.

Oscar: WELL TRY!

Count: Of course.

(The Count lies in bed, trying to refrain from counting Oscar's
pets. He starts to shake as if the desire to count is overwhelming.
Finally, the Count cannot restrain the urge any longer. He counts the
pets, makes thunder and lightening, disturbs the pets, they make
noise, and Oscar still cannot sleep).

Oscar (Outraged): HEY! WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA, COUNT!?

Count: Once again, I am sorry, Oscar, but when I see all these
pets, I cannot resist the desire to count them.

(Oscar is infuriated, but he sits up and tries to reason with the
Count).

Oscar: Well, Count, look at it this way, I really don't have that
many pets.

Count: What do you mean? You have five! Five lovely animals!

Oscar: Yes, but they're not the same kind of animals. I only
have one worm, one donkey, one elephant, one goat, and one pig. So
you see? I really only have one of each animal. And since one is not
very much, WOULD YOU PLEASE BE QUIET AND LET ME SLEEP?

Count: Ah, you are right, Oscar. Now, I think I can sleep.

(The Count lies his head down to sleep, but suddenly he sits up).

Count (To the camera): But wait!...One is still a number that I
can count! I can count each one of these animals! (And so, the Count
starts counting each one) One! One worm! (Thunder and lightening
occur. The animals make noise) One! One donkey! (Thunder and
lightening occur. The animals make noise). One! One elephant!
(Thunder and lightening occur. The animals make noise). One! One
goat! (Thunder and lightening occur. The animals make noise) One!
One goat! (Thunder and lightening occur. The animals make noise)
One! One pig! (Thunder and lightening occur. The animals make
noise)

(Naturally, while all this is going on, Oscar has awoken. He
stares at the Count in disbelief).

Oscar: COUNT!

Count: Okay Oscar, I will! (And so the Count counts each animal
again with the same results).

Oscar: ARRRRRGGHHHH!

(Suddenly all of the Count's bats fly in).

Count: Ah, here are my pets! Now I will count them!

(And so the Count starts counting all of his bats with the same
results).

Oscar (To the camera): That does it! We are getting out of here!

(Oscar gathers his pets and they walk out of the door. The Count
just keeps on counting his bats, totally unaware that Oscar and the
pets are even gone. Fade out).


TO BE CONTINUED...

 

[Censored]

Oscar Gets Canned part three

By G.B.




Scene 9: (Back to the street scene that night. Oscar and his
pets are in front of the 123 apartment's steps. Oscar is pacing back
and forth, screaming and ranting in anger. Suddenly Gordon comes out,
looking somewhat sleepy and groggy).

Gordon: Oscar, what's going on around here? First there was this
loud music, then a bunch of thunder and lightening, and now you're out
here screaming! What is this?

(Oscar explains everything to him).

Gordon: Wow!

Oscae (Starting to leave): I guess I'll go stay with Luis and
Maria.

Gordon: Well, wait a minute, Oscar. Don't bother Luis and Maria.
Since Susan, Miles, and I are already up, you can stay with us.

Oscar: Okay, but don't expect me to say "thank you"! That's what
got me into trouble to begin with!

(And so, Oscar and his pets follow Gordon into the building. Fade
out).

Scene 10: (This scene begins with Gordon and Susan's bedroom.
Gordon and Susan are in their bed. They can't sleep because Oscar's
pet donkey and elephant are making a lot of noise from the next room).

Susan: OSCAR!

Gordon: OSCAR!

Oscar (Walking in the room): What do you want?

Susan: Oscar, what's all that noise?

Oscar: Oh, my pet donkey and elephant are just having a little
argument.

Gordon: What are they arguing about?

Oscar: Politics.

Susan: It figures.

(Suddenly another sound is heard. This one is coming from the
outside window. It sounds like a garbage can hitting the side of
something. Oscar suddenly gets up in excitement).

Oscar: Hey! That sounded like my trash can!

(Oscar runs out the door and his pets follow. The scene shifts to
the outside of the building. Slopyna is out there, putting Oscar's
trash can back in its proper place).

Oscar (Shouting happily): OH BOY! YOU GOT MY TRASH CAN BACK!

Slopyna: Yes, things moved a lot faster than I thought. As soon
as I presented your case, Judge Grouch made the Grouch Inspector give
back your trash can. From now on, we grouches are free to say
whatever we want).

Oscar (Happy): That is great! Come on my pets, we are going to
get some real sleep in our own home!

Slopyna: Er...Wait a minute, Oscar. You are allowed to say
"thank you" now.

Oscar: I know.

Slopyna (Angry): Then why don't you say "thank you" to ME!!?

Oscar (Very nasty): Because I don't want to!

Slopyna: You're an ungrateful grouch!

Oscar: Yeah! Haven't you heard? Grouches are supposed to be
ungrateful!

(A loud argument erupts between Oscar and Slopyna. The argument
disturbs everyone in the neighborhood. Everyone comes out,
complaining about the noise, while Oscar and Slopyna keep arguing.
Someone announces what letter and number Sesame Street was brought to
us by. Fade out. The end).

 

[muppet maniac]

LOL!That's really good!

 

[punkNpuppets]

that was so great..i think i just wet myself. jk. it would be awesome if that was really acted out

 

[Censored]

Thanks. Glad to hear it's being enjoyed. It would have been wonderful if CTW had accepted it, but I guess Sesame Street's loss is fan fiction's gain. LOL

 

[Mr.Penguin]

................. ................ AMAZING! You should write for Sesame!
That's a lot better than a few of the new episode plots!

-

 

[GrouchFanatic]

I really like this story!