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Muppet Fan-Fic: Don't Trip the Driver

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction and Fan Art' started by theprawncracker, Oct 23, 2006.

  1. theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Hey guys! In honor of moi's sixteenth birthday and in the spirit of Flippersteps, I have prepared a fan-fic of epic proportions for you all to enjoy! (But unlike Flippersteps it won't be a major alteration to the Muppet universe.) I think you'll all really enjoy it! So here it is, Don't Trip the Driver:

    Chapter 1

    "Thank you, thank you," Kermit the Frog addressed the audience at the Muppet Theater. "Now, as you all know today’s show is drawing to a close! So now, I present to you, the closing number, including, me!"

    The frog darted off the stage as the crimson curtains followed. His nephew, Robin the Frog sat atop a ledge in the middle of the stage. "Oh, hi!" Robin smiled at the crowd. "Um, I’m supposed to sing a song here with my Uncle Kermit, but, well I lost my tap shoes!"

    "Figures something would get lost on this show!" the elderly voice of Statler said from up in the balcony.

    "More than tap shoes were lost Statler, my mind’s been lost for thirty years." Waldorf replied to his balcony-mate for life.

    "Oh Robin, Robin!" Scooter called as he ran on stage next to the five year old, carrying a tiny pair of shoes. "Hey Robin, you left your tap shoes backstage!" the go-fer handed Robin the shoes.

    "Oh, thanks Scooter," Robin said as he began to lace the shoes on his feet. "Hey, do you wanna be part of the number too?" Robin asked.

    "Oh, well, it’s not on the schedule."

    "Well let’s break the schedule!" Robin hopped off the wall and pulled Scooter towards the front of the stage by his hand. "Hit it!" shouted the sweet-voiced frog.

    The band began to play their instruments as Robin began to tap dance. "Happy feet," Robin tapped.
    "I’ve got those happy feet
    Give them a low down beat
    And they begin dancin’
    , c’mon Scooter, you know the words!"

    Scooter smiled and began to tap himself. "I’ve got those,
    Ten little tappin’ toes
    And when they hear a tune
    I can’t control
    My dancin’ heels to save my soul," Scooter sang.

    "Weary blues
    Can’t get into our shoes
    Because our shoes refuse
    To ever grow weary

    "We keep cheerful
    On an earful
    Of music sweet,
    " the two of them harmonized.

    "Cause we’ve got hap-hap-happy feet!"

    The go-fer and the frog tapped out a tune, and in between each tap, a new Muppet would dance onto the stage. The Great Gonzo, Fozzie Bear, Camilla the Chicken, Clifford, Beauregard, Rizzo the Rat, Pepe the King Prawn and of course, the entrancing Miss Piggy and the ever-green Kermit the Frog, all tapping their feet in rhythm.

    "Weary blues
    Can’t get into our shoes
    Because our shoes refuse
    To ever grow weary

    "We keep cheerful
    On an earful
    Of music sweet
    Cause we’ve got hap-hap happy," all of the Muppets on stage sang at once.

    Kermit and Piggy moved towards the center of the stage on the outside of Scooter and Robin, followed by the other Muppets, all lining up for the finale.

    "Cause we’ve got hap-hap happy feet!" they all clicked their heels, creating a series of taps.

    "Feet!" Robin shouted the final note, ending the song. The trumpets finished the song with their shots of choral rhythm.


    The audience cheered and applauded loudly. Kermit wrapped his arm around Robin’s shoulder. "Thank you all for joining us once again! And we’ll see you all next week on The Muppet Show! Yaaaaaaay!"

    >X<X>X<

    All of the Muppets were crowded on a row of tables pushed together inside a restaurant on the cool Thursday night. Kermit looked up and down the table at everyone eating, most of the food being fruits or vegetables (along with the occasional serving of Tofu), and that was just the talking food.

    Kermit clinked his glass with his fork, trying to quiet down the his friends. "Hey everybody?" he asked over (although it seemed like under) the chatter of the Muppet troupe. "Guys?" he tried again. "Hey! QUIET!!" the frog screamed.

    "And I told him, ‘I don’t care that the ancient Greeks didn’t wear anything, I’m not like-"

    "Janice please, people are trying to eat," Kermit told the valley girl. "Anyway everybody, I just wanted to lift my glass to you all on another season well done!" Kermit lifted his glass to the others.

    Miss Piggy shot up out of her seat next to the frog. "Yes! And moi would just like to thank all of vous for making moi look so good by all of vous looking so terribly bad."

    "Why thank you Miss Piggy," a small pink Muppet with a long pink nose told the diva. "I think you look bad too!"

    Piggy’s face fumed. "Watch it Clyde! Or I’ll knock you back into space!"

    "Yes Miss Piggy," Clyde said as he sunk back into the seat.

    "Hey," a large blue Muppet nudged Clyde. "You can’t let her push you around like that Clyde!"

    Clyde shrugged. "I know Butch, it’s just that-"

    "It’s my job to push you around like that!" Butch told his assistant.

    Kermit scrunched up his face, frowning at the show’s two newest cast members.

    "Hey Kermit? Kermit?" Fozzie pulled at the frog’s spindly arm. He was sitting, quite literally, on the edge of his seat next to Kermit.

    "What is it Fozzie? I’m trying to make a speech," Kermit told his best friend.

    "Oh, I know!" Fozzie smiled. "I wanted to say something to the cast!"

    Kermit smirked. "Oh, well, uh, okay. Just make it fast okay Foz-"

    "Right!" Fozzie stood straight up. "Hiya hiya! Hey guys, do you know what time it is when an elephant sits on your watch?" Fozzie asked the crowd of Muppets, waiting for an answer.

    "El-if-ino," Pepe muttered.

    "No! It’s time to get a new watch!" Fozzie punched them with a line. "Ahh! Wocka! Wocka!"

    "I think it’s time to give the bear a new job," Floyd Pepper whispered to Clifford.

    Clifford laughed. "Man, if I was still host, he’d be the first to go!"

    "Mmm," Floyd nodded. "Now that I know that, I may bring it up at the next meeting!"

    After no one laughed at Fozzie’s joke he grasped his pink polka dotted tie and began to wring around in his hand. "Hey, I’m trying." He sat back down in his seat.

    Rowlf put his paw on Fozzie’s shoulder. "Don’t try too hard Fozzie, you may end up cracking."

    "Ah! Then that would make me Humpty Dumpty! Wocka! Wocka!" Fozzie attempted another joke.

    "Like, Dr. Bob, we may have to operate," Janice said to Rowlf.

    "What’s the diagnosis Nurse Janice?" Rowlf asked.

    "H.B.S. Dr. Bob."

    "H.B.S.? What’s H.B.S.?"

    "Like, ‘Half-a Brain Syndrome!’ Fer sure!"

    Kermit smirked towards the dog and the hippy girl. "Save it for next season guys." The frog took a fork to his salad that sat in front of him. "Let’s just concentrate on dinner now. These are some of the sacred moments," he smiled at all of the Muppets sprawled out across the table. From Animal to Zippity Zap, they were all there. "These sacred moments can only happen now, before we’re bombarded with more work on the show."

    Kermit returned to his salad as Crazy Harry jolted up behind his chair. "Did somebody say bomb?!"

    "No Harry, I said bombarded," Kermit said without looking at the dynamite plunger-happy lunatic.

    "Oh," Harry thought for a moment. "Close enough!!" he shouted, blowing up half the table.

    Kermit sighed. "I need a vacation..." he muttered.

    <X>X<X>

    "You need a vacation!"

    "But how will we pay? We still owe the bank three months back payment."
    "So? Splurge! You deserve it Kermit! ...That and we need the money."

    Butch kicked Clyde under the table. "Don’t pay any attention to him Kermit-"

    "Yeah! You pay Butch, not me," Clyde rubbed his shin.

    Kermit scrunched up his face. "Well guys, I’d really like to help out the ‘Butch and Clyde Travel Agency’ but we really are short on money right now."

    "Well that’s never stopped us!" Butch argued.

    Kermit smirked. "Don’t you think I know that? I pay for everything."

    "Oh come on Kermit, don’t you think you need a little break?" Clyde asked. "You’re always so busy, and you never get a reprieve."

    "Ooh, nice Clyde," Butch whispered.

    Clyde shrugged. "I try."

    Kermit frowned. "I tell ya what guys, I’ll talk to Fozzie about it tonight. Then I’ll make my decision."

    "That’s good enough for us!" Butch shouted. "Now will that be cash or charge?"

    "We also take change, personal checks, traveler’s checks, and any other form of currency," Clyde smiled.

    "Good grief..." Kermit sighed.
  2. TogetherAgain Well-Known Member

    EEEEEEE!

    I'll say more when I'm NOT trying to catch the bus but this is FANTASTICABULOUS and you know it! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, OTHER HALF!
  3. The Count Moderator

    Yeah... Great stuff as always Ryno... Just makes me sigh a little at the indecision running around in my head. Hey, no running in the halls!
    *Sprays indecision with bear mace.

    Happy birthday... And more please!
    44 fun-filled stories here on the forum!
  4. redBoobergurl Well-Known Member

    YEAAAA!!!! I love it already! And, because it's your birthday, you get a detailed review of this fabulous opening chapter!

    This was great Statler and Waldorf stuff! I never can come up with little quips for them myself so they are always noticiably absent from my stories. You however have them down to a tee!

    How cute! I could see the camera zooming in on just Robin at this point. I don't know why, I just love the way this scene played out and I just think it's darling that it featured Robin.

    So much humor in this line! I laughed so hard at the "talking food!" Great stuff!

    It just never ceases to amaze me that everyone is still able to come up with wonderful, classic Janice lines. This is one of the better ones I've seen in awhile! And I love how Kermit tells her that people are trying to eat! So funny!!!

    This is a reference to one of my favorite Muppets Tonight routines! I'm not usually a fan of Pepe, but I love the act he does with Seymour and is like "what do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino" Anyway, I read this and I was like "I love that line!"

    Understatement of the year!!!!! Of course he needs a vacation! He's been chasing his nephew and going to space to rescue whatevers and dealing with family things and putting tons of new people in his shows this year! Between all of the writers here we've kept poor Kermit busy in our fan fics! So yeah, he needs a vacation!

    GREAT START!!! I cannot wait to read more and see where this goes! Happy birthday Ryan!!!!!
  5. Fragglemuppet Well-Known Member

    Oh wow, you were very ambitious for before school on a Monday morning! Great start, and I can't wait to see where it goes from here! I loved the classic "Elifino," and seeing Butch and Clide!
    You know, it occured to me that maybe just Kermit, Clide, and Sal Manila should take a nice vacation, and leave Piggy, Johnny, and Butch alone in the middle of all the regular muppet caos!
    Oh, and I loved Harry's briefest of considerations before taking the plunge!
  6. TogetherAgain Well-Known Member

    Okay, so as promised, a little more squealy detail!

    First of all, ROBIN! ROBIN ROBIN ROBIN! OHHHHHHHHHH he's so CUUUUUUUUUUTE! That TOTALLY made my morning! ROBIN doing Happy Feet! Oh I squeeful! Oh I squeeful!

    And I loooooove this:
    And I LOOOOOOOVE this:
    ...What, like you didn't know I was a Robin fan?...

    And I LOVE the food part, and Janice's line, and Piggy's line, and the Piggy-Clyde interaction, and just- EEEEEEE!

    OH I am SO excited for this STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    MORE PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I'm sorry but 16th birhday isn't quite enough to exempt you from nagging :p)
  7. The Count Moderator

    Hey Prawny... Know it's your B-Day... But could we please get some more story?
  8. Leyla Member

    SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    PLEASURE OVERLOAD! PLEASURE OVERLOAD!

    OH!!! Prawnie! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! YOU'RE AWESOME!

    And, you didn't get eaten by zombies, which is also gladsome. I'm a little giddy and wound right now, so let me just say HOOOORAHHH!!! for Robin! And HAPPY FEET! and the upcoming chapter and just all the fun of a new story from you!

    I'm SO EXCITED!!!!
    Leyla
  9. theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Chapter 2

    Beauregard may have been one of the most simple Muppets in the group, but he was also one of the most hard working. He’d sweep and mop, mop and sweep right until his job was done and not a moment before (Sometimes it was after his job was done when he finally remembered where he left his key to the broom closet).

    But today, Kermit didn’t care how good Beau’s job was done, he just wanted it done. "Beau, for the last time, everything looks fine, just go home, okay?"

    "Oh, but Kermit! I haven’t even re-knitted the curtain rope or polished the floor yet!" the janitor said, without stopping the endless sweeping of his broom.

    "That’s alright Beau, we wouldn’t want everyone slipping on the floor again...My check book was never the same after those hospital bills."

    "But you could say that was when you first fell for Miss Piggy!" Beau
    remarked without skipping a beat, or a sweep.

    Kermit frowned. "Just go home Beau."

    "But what do I do with my broom?" Beau asked, caressing his faithful tool.

    "Just leave it in the aisle," Kermit said, growing impatient.

    "But what if one of the monsters steps on it?"

    "I’m sure we can afford a new broom for you."

    "But Kermit, what about the hospital bills you mentioned?"

    Kermit looked towards a clock, Fozzie was due back soon, and Beau was cutting into the annual meeting of the meaning of life decipherers, aka Fridays With Fozzie. "Listen Beau, just bring your broom up here, I’ll take it to the broom closet, okay?"

    Beauregard stepped forward with his furry bare feet (if Fozzie was there he would’ve made a joke about that). He handed his wooden scepter to the frog. "Alright, just make sure the head is laying on the pillow and you cover her up with the quilt."

    Kermit scrunched up his face. "How else do you put a broom to sleep?" he asked sarcastically.

    "Well, she’s outgrown lullabies Kermit."

    Kermit sighed. "Of course Beau, have a safe trip back to the boarding house," Kermit finally dismissed the janitor.

    "Wouldn’t it hurt if I tripped?" Beau asked, with no sarcasm in his voice.
    "Will you get out of here?!" Kermit snapped.

    Beauregard nodded and walked out of the theater with a bounce in his step, just as Fozzie was bouncing in. "Hi Beau! Oh, bye Beau!" Fozzie waved to the janitor as he walked in with a few bags in his hand.

    "Nice timing Fozzie," Kermit told his best friend. The frog hopped off the stage, leaving the broom where it lay. He moved over to the front row and took his usual seat. Fozzie did the same.

    "Well you know Kermit, being the worlds greatest comedian requires having perfect timing." Fozzie reached into the brown paper bag sack and pulled out a bag of pretzels and two sodas, handing a bottle to Kermit. "It’s root beer, your favorite."

    "Thanks Fozzie," Kermit said as he unscrewed the lid. "Sorry we couldn’t do this last night, but you know I promised the cast I’d be at dinner with them."
    "Oh, that’s fine Kermit," Fozzie took the cap off his own soda.

    Kermit smiled. "I didn’t think you’d mind Fozzie."

    "So, what’s on our minds today?" Fozzie ate a pretzel in between word exchanges.

    "Well actually Fozzie, I need some advice." Kermit grabbed a pretzel from the bag Fozzie offered towards him.

    "Advice?" Fozzie sipped his soda. "From me?"

    Kermit took a drink of his root beer. "Well do you see anyone else here?"

    "Well I don’t see Uncle Deadly but I’m sure he’s here. He can’t leave after all." The bear reminded his best friend as another two pretzels found their way into his mouth.

    Kermit nodded with his hand grabbing more pretzels. "Well don’t worry Fozzie, Uncle Deadly’s on the roof tonight like he is every Friday when we have our time together."

    Fozzie took a deep breath after another drink of soda. "So you really want my advice?"

    "Mm-hm," Kermit said with a mouth full of pretzels.

    "Okay, my advice to you, frog of my heart, is, duck." Fozzie said blankly between the crunching of pretzels.

    "Duck?" Kermit asked almost laughing root beer through his pseudo nose.
    Fozzie shrugged. "It’s advice that’s never failed me before, especially on free Muppet brick night," the bear silently wished the Muppets had cup holders on their seats so he could grab a pretzel without dropping his soda.

    "Are you planning a food juggling act for next season Fozzie?" Kermit asked taking the soda from Fozzie so he could grab a pretzel or two.

    "Do you want me to Kermit? If you do I will, I’m very versatile you know." Fozzie took back his soda and pushed the pretzel bag towards Kermit, who took it from Fozzie’s paw.

    Kermit smiled at his friend. "Actually Fozzie, I wanted to know what you thought about all of us taking a vacation." Kermit asked as he tried to reach for a pretzel but realized his flippers were now suddenly full.

    Fozzie grabbed Kermit’s root beer as the frog reached for a pretzel. "I think a vacation would be a great idea Kermit. We could always use a little break from everyday life. Well, not life, just everyday life. Because I love living, although I’ve never actually stayed alive on stage."

    Kermit let himself laugh at the joke. "That was good Fozzie," he smiled, grabbing back his root beer, attempting to unscrew the lid with a pretzel bag in his other hand. "So you like the idea of a vacation, huh? Well Butch and Clyde are starting up this travel agency or something, and they asked if I’d be their first customer."

    "Butch and Clyde? They’re planning this vacation?" Fozzie took the pretzel bag back. "Wow, those two make such a good team, I’m excited to see how this turns out."

    Kermit smirked. "Me too Fozzie," he took a drink from the root beer bottle.
    Just at that moment the doors in the back of the theater threw themselves open. Fozzie’s grip on the pretzel bag slipped right through his fingers as the bag let its contents spill all over the theater floor, along with Kermit’s root beer bottle.

    A shadow of a man emerged in between the doors and stared down at the frog and the bear. Fozzie, meanwhile, had jumped from his seat and cowered with his hat at his chest behind Kermit.

    Kermit squinted towards the figure as his mouth fell open. "No...It’s not possible...It’s...It’s J.P. Grosse..."

    J.P. Grosse's very singular body slowly motioned itself into the empty theater. The figure made its way to the front of the theater, stopping where Kermit and Fozzie sat.

    Kermit and Fozzie were taken back. Fozzie wrung his neck-tie in his hands while he cowered behind his best friend the frog. The frog stuttered with his words. "What's the matter frog?" J.P. asked blankly. "Got a frog in your throat?"

    "J-J.P., you...We thought you were...You were dead!" Kermit spat the words out.

    J.P. pulled his cigar out of his mouth and tapped a bit of ash onto the theater floor. "Dead? Don't you Muppets pay attention? I left you a note right there on your front door!"


    Fozzie raised his hand, trying to get J.P.'s prestigious attention. "Um, we didn't have a door at all in 2002. Bunsen released his radioactive nuclear elements you see, and uh, well none of us could touch it. We'd end up looking stranger than we already do."

    J.P. muttered something under his breath. "Well if you had read the note, you'd know that I took the advice of Fozzie here and spent the past three years hibernating."

    "Hibernating? For three years?" Kermit sputtered. "Where could you possibly hibernate for three years?"

    "On the beaches of Florida my dear frog," J.P. said blankly.

    Kermit scrunched up his face. "Well, J.P. it's good to see you here...And alive. But, uh, we sorta thought we owned the theater now."

    "Ha!" J.P. scoffed. "Of all people, why would I leave Benny's theater to you?"

    "Because we have such great health insurance premiums?" Fozzie asked.

    J.P. took the seat next to Kermit in the red chair. "Listen frog, this theater's mine. So, you still answer to my beck and call."

    "Better his than Scooters," Kermit thought.

    Fozzie took off his hat and stood in front of the theater's owner. "Um, Mr. Grosse sir. We really respect the fact that you own the theater and so basically you own us. But, um, do you think maybe we could take a little vacation? I think we all need one."

    J.P. tossed his cigar on the ground, crushing it with the sole of his shoe. "Well mister bear, I seem to recall the last time I took your advice."

    Kermit frowned and Fozzie returned to his fetal position behind Kermit. "Well you see...It was a joke Mr. Grosse, sir."

    Kermit nodded. "Everything with Fozzie is a joke J.P."

    J.P. cleared his throat to regain control over the conversation. "Which is why I remember the best four years of my life, and this great, most likely permanent, business suit tan."

    Kermit and Fozzie perked up. "So we can have some money to go on a vacation?" Fozzie asked eagerly.

    "No." J.P. said swiftly. "You can use the your own money to go on a vacation. As long as you don't leave the country, or hold me responsible for anything or anyone broken, dismantled or maimed in the process of your trip."

    Kermit frowned. "Well there goes the funds I made with my book..."

    "Oh?" Fozzie asked. "Are they coming on the road trip with us?
  10. TogetherAgain Well-Known Member

    EEEEEEEEEEEE! Oh lovely!!!!!!!!!!! Prawnie, fantastic! MORE PLEASE! I love the whole thing with Beauregard and the broom... She's outgrown lullabies... I love it! Happy Birthday, Prawnie!
  11. The Count Moderator

    Yes... This shows your fanfic authorship and research skills. To include a plausible reason for J.P. Grosse's absence for the last few years... And the whole bit with Bo's broom, nice, reminds me of Stanley Spadowski.

    Good stuff Prawn... Now if you could... More please!
  12. theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    And just so I'm caught up chapter-wise with my other half, here's chapter three. :excited:

    Now, chapter three is the one I'm most worried about posting...It does actually alter the timeline...Not as much as Flppersteps but, uh, brace yourselves...
  13. theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Chapter 3

    "Oh Camilla calm down! You're getting feathers everywhere!"

    "Bawk! BAWK BYUCK BAGAWK!!"

    "Yes I know it is molting season!" Hilda the wardrobe lady retorted back to the chicken. "You don't have to get so hot in the head about it!"

    "Ouh! Hut heeded cheeckee! Yoom yoom yoom!" The Swedish Chef remarked in his always indecipherable mock Swedish.

    "Bawk bawk bawk bawk BAWK!" Camilla the molting chicken pecked her visitors out of the room.

    "Hey!" Hilda shouted from out in the hall. "That's MY room too you know!"
    Camilla flustered and fluttered over to her bed, spreading down feathers across the floor.

    "Bawk, byuck baw, Gonzo," she clucked quietly.

    At that exact moment, a piece of ceiling plaster fell atop her gord. "Baw?" she looked up at the now-cracking ceiling.

    Suddenly, the ceiling broke free and Gonzo fell on top of her. "You rang my sweet little honeysuckle?"

    "Braw..." Camilla moaned from underneath her weird lover.

    "Oh, sorry," Gonzo pushed himself off his beaky beau.

    "Bawk! Bruck bagawk baw!" Camilla whined to her likewise (yet at the same time more so) beaky beau.

    "What do you mean you won't go on the trip with us?!" Gonzo asked abruptly. "Camilla you HAVE to go with us! Who'll hold the rope while I ski out the back of the bus?!"

    "Buck bawk byuck!" Camilla shifted her weight to the other end of the bed. "Bawk buck buck bagawk! Bawk!"

    "What are you talking about my little chickadee? You look amazing, like always," Gonzo smiled.

    "Buck bawk byuck bolting bagawk!"

    "Molting season?"

    "Bawk! Byuck bawk buck bawk buck bagawk!"

    "You mean you'd be COMPLETELY naked?!"

    "Bawk!"

    "Well I for one don't see a problem here!"

    Camilla clucked at the top of her chicken lungs, flapping her wings sending feathers all over the room. "Bawk byuck byuck BAWK!"

    "Thanksgiving isn't for another month!" Gonzo spat feathers out of his mouth. "C'mon Camilla, we'll just have Hilda knit you some clothes, then you'll be fine!"

    "BRAWK! Baw? Bagawk bawk?" Camilla questioned the whatever.

    "Yes, I'll make sure no one makes an authentic Comanche headdress out of your feathers," Gonzo reassured her.

    Camilla muttered a cluck under her breath. "Bawk, bawk bagawk baw."

    "I knew you'd change your mind! Now c'mon, I need your help deciding whether to pack my stack of uninflated footballs or my dead battery collection," Gonzo escorted her out of the room, leaving behind a trail of feathers.
    >X<X>X<

    "Um, excuse me Rowlf," Sam Eagle poked his head into Rowlf and Lew Zealand’s room. "You see that Scandinavian chef with the interesting accent cooked something up that ate one of my all-American suitcases. In short, may I borrow one of yours?"

    Rowlf wound his head around the foot of his bed. "Uh, sure Sam, I think I’ve got an extra, Lew, we got anything the closet?"

    "Well there’s Darcy, Marcy, Larcy, Carcy, oh and Twiddle-Diddle Pumpkin Pie!" Lew announced from inside the closet.

    "I mean besides the boomerang fish!" Rowlf told his roommate.

    "Well what else is there?" Lew asked.

    Rowlf sighed. "Here Sam, just take this one, I’ll find another in the closet." Rowlf tossed a suitcase in Sam’s general direction.

    Sam fumbled with the suitcase as he tried to catch it. "Uh, yes, thank you. Although I am upset that you don’t have one with an American flag print."

    "Sorry Sam, I must’ve forgotten to buy on our field trip to the national mint." Rowlf smirked.

    "Ah!" Sam gasped. "Then what on Washington’s cherry tree did you purchase?!"

    "A hot dog and a Coke." Rowlf told the patriotic pigeon.

    "I HEARD THAT!" the ferocious voice of Miss Piggy screamed from the bottom of the stairs. The sound of heels storming up the hollow stairs echoed through the boarding house.

    "Oh Miss Piggy hello there have you made sure to pack in your American flag suit-" Sam began before he was cut off, literally.

    "HI-YA!" the pork chop sounded against Sam’s feathery chest. Piggy’s clenched face shifted to Rowlf’s face, her eyes piercing right through him.

    "Uh, Miss Piggy," Rowlf attempted a save. "You look lovely this morning, have you lost weight?"

    "I’M GONNA MAKE YOU A HOT DOG YOU OVERGROWN CHIHUAHUA!" Piggy lunged forward.

    "Lew Twiddle-Diddle Pumpkin Pie! Fast!" Rowlf shouted.

    "Ah ha ha! I throw her a-way!" Lew tossed a fish into the air, smacking Piggy in the snout. "Aw, they never come back to me in these stories."

    Piggy’s nostrils fumed, she let out a scream of rage. "NOW YOU’RE GOIN’ DOWN FLIPPER FACE!"

    Kermit’s flippery presence darted into the room. "Hey there! Piggy! Hold it!"

    Piggy’s long golden locks whipped around, swishing Kermit’s face. "Kermie! Rowlf ate a HOT DOG!"

    Kermit grasped Piggy’s gloved hand. "Oh Piggy honey, don’t worry, it was a turkey dog."

    Frog 1, Pig 0.

    "But Lew, he threw the fish at me!"

    "It wasn’t his fault. The fish was magnetically attracted to your ravishing beauty." Kermit swooned.

    Frog 2, Pig 0.

    "But...But..." Piggy stuttered, she had to bounce back, she just couldn’t let Kermit keep the lead. "Well, I may just need to be taken to the pier to see one of these turkey dogs you speak of."

    "Alright Piggy," Kermit agreed. "I’ll see if Fozzie can drive us in the Studebaker."

    Frog 3, Pig 0.

    "What?!"

    "Oh? Would you rather the Mayhem take us in the bus?" Kermit asked serenely. "I’m in the mood for some music."

    "Oh never mind," Piggy fumed, leaving the room.

    "Nice job Kermit, you threw a shut out." Rowlf patted his froggy friend on the back.

    Kermit shrugged. "I’m 4 and 0 this year alone."

    <X>X<X>

    The wine bottle gleamed in the afternoon sunlight as J.P. Grosse lifted it and tipped it over into his wine glass. "Try the wine kid, it’s a very good year."

    Scooter turned down the bubbly and spread butter over a piece of bread. "I don’t drink uncle J.P. It’s weird enough where I live."

    "And that’s why I do drink dear nephew." J.P. responded gruffly, downing the wine.

    Scooter sat the bread slice on the small plate sitting in front of him. "So uncle J.P., why did you call me here?"

    "What? Can’t a business man like myself have his nephew to lunch without being cross examined?" J.P. asked, pouring himself another glass of wine.
    Scooter smirked at his uncle. "Is that a hypothetical question?"

    "Are you gonna finish that bread?" J.P. joked.

    Scooter smiled. "I think so, and besides, there’s a whole basket in the middle of the table."

    J.P. sighed. "That was the hypothetical question nephew."

    "So really, why did you call me here uncle J.P.?" Scooter asked, taking a bite of his bread.

    "It’s about Benny Vandergast." J.P. said blankly.

    Scooter held his mouth open with the piece of bread halfway inside. "Benny...Vandergast? The one from the theater. The Benny Vandergast?"

    "The one and only my dear nephew," J.P. sipped the wine.

    "But he’s dead...He’s been dead for...A real long time."

    "Death is not always the end dear nephew."

    "Don’t you think I know that?" Scooter asked. "I’ve been in the same theater as Uncle Deadly for thirty years."

    "And that’s who brought Benny to my attention."

    Scooter stopped. "What...What is going on?"

    "Benny Vandergast never died nephew. And he wants his theater back."

    Scooter dropped the bread on the floor. "I’ll be back with more bread in a moment sir," a waiter said, speeding by the table.

    "Come on Scooter, we can’t talk about this here." J.P. dropped a credit card on the table and began to leave.

    "Don’t you need to wait for your credit card to ring through?" Scooter asked.
    J.P. shrugged. "I’ve got a portfolio full at home, there’s no time Scooter, let’s go."

    Scooter dropped his napkin on the table and ran to catch up with his uncle who was getting into his limousine. Scooter sat down next to his uncle who lit up a cigar almost instantly upon entering the car.

    "Take a stroll around the block Walter," J.P. told the limo driver as the car began to pull away. "Now Scooter, you have to listen to me. Benny is still alive, and he’s trying to take back the theater."

    Scooter straightened the collar of his green jacket. "But uncle, how is this possible?"

    "I don’t know," J.P. sighed. "And I’m frightened. Benny knows I own the theater."

    "But you’ve never even met Benny Vandergast!"

    "Wrong Scooter." J.P. said slowly. "Very, very wrong."

    The car came to a screeching halt, knocking both Scooter and J.P. onto the floor. J.P.’s cigar fell from his hand and slid to the front. "Walter what is going on?!" J.P. shouted to the driver.

    The window separating the front and back seats rolled down slowly. The driver turned his head slowly around. A wrinkled old face with scrappy white hair stared down at J.P. and Scooter and snickered.

    "J.P. Grosse," the driver said with a low voice. "It’s been awhile."

    "Benny...Benny Vandergast," J.P. said calmly. "What are you doing?"

    "Benny Vandergast?" Scooter whispered. "It’s not possible!"

    "Oh it is very possible kid, and it’s staring you right in the face." Benny grinned a toothy grin at his two prisoners laying on the floor.

    "Don’t worry Scooter," J.P. said. "My life insurance premiums wouldn’t have been given to you anyway."
  14. TogetherAgain Well-Known Member

    <bouncy bouncy excited!> <running late>
  15. The Count Moderator

    And yet... It's an alteration that presents a great deal of interest... Benny Vandergast indeed.
    You'd better not do anything to Scooter he hasn't already lived through... Or you'll have Lisa's fictional sister to deal with.

    And you might want to change the part where Gonzo fell through the ceiling talking to Camilla, as beau refers to a male and Camilla is clearly a girl chicken.
    Just a little friendly tip. And before I forget... More please!
  16. redBoobergurl Well-Known Member

    Ooh! Interesting! I didn't see that coming in the last chapter! I'm on the edge of my seat wanting more!
  17. jacobsnchz Active Member

  18. theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Chapter 4

    "Dear Kermit and the others," Fozzie read aloud from a piece of paper. "My uncle J.P. decided to take out the old private jet and tour the world! Sorry I can’t hang back from the bus trip and watch the theater, but it’s a chance to bond with my uncle that I can’t pass up. See you soon, love, Scooter."

    Kermit nodded and turned back to all of the other Muppets sitting at the breakfast table. "So in conclusion everybody, it looks like we’ll need someone to stay back from our big vacation and watch the theater."

    When groans of agony came from the crowd stretched along the table, Kermit new he was losing the crowd. So, he decided to pull out an old performer’s trick from under his belt, although he wasn’t really wearing a belt. Kermit had to sell it for more than it really was.

    "Yup, an entire two weeks of peace, quiet, seclusion and all-access to the theater’s funds."

    "WHAT?!" Piggy shouted. "Kermie, cher, moi would be more than happy to watch the theater por vous," she swooned to Kermit.

    Kermit scrunched up his face, of all the Muppets, Piggy was the worst choice to look after the theater. "But Piggy, you’d pass up two weeks of romantic vacation with me to watch the theater?"

    Piggy’s mouth dropped. "Never mind! C’mon Bean, let’s get packin’." She said, stomping upstairs with Bean Bunny in toe.

    "Any other takers?" Kermit asked.

    "Yeah yeah, you know I’d love to, anything for you!" a voice rose above the awkward silence the Muppets almost never showed.

    "Oh! Well thanks Clifford!" Kermit said to his co-host.

    All of the heads at the table turned to look at Clifford who stood in a corner of the kitchen with his cell phone in his ear. He put the phone up against his shoulder. "You say somethin’ Kerm?" Clifford asked.

    "I was just thanking you for volunteering to watch the theater for us instead of going on vacation."

    "Si si, grathius Clifford, now dere es more room on de bus, hokay?" Pepe told the dread-locked Muppet.

    "You’ve gotta be crazy!" Clifford shouted. He put the phone back up to his ear. "Oh no, not you baby!" The phone on the other end clicked and Clifford hung up with a sigh. "Alrighty Kerm, you’ve gotcher self a deal..."

    "Oh good," Kermit smiled. "And everybody else, get packed! The bus leaves at dawn!"
    <X>X<X>

    Uncle Deadly sipped his green tea silently in his private quarters at the Muppet Theater. He gently sat his teacup on the arm of his ragged armchair and rolled up his tattered sleeve, revealing a long gash along his scaly blue skin. He gently rubbed the gash slowly, feeling searing pain with each touch. How could he have let this happen? How could Death have let this happen?
    It was such a huge fault, an amazing fault that could have easily been prevented.

    Death should’ve seen it coming, his foresight should’ve let him see this attack on Deadly and make a mockery of death altogether.

    Why would Death let this happen? It was so wrong, so terribly, terribly wrong. This man should’ve died hundreds of years ago, and yet, he was still here, and Death knew it.

    And now this had happened. Deadly stared back at his newly formed scar, this had happened.

    Uncle Deadly sighed deeply, releasing the air in his old, tired lungs. Should he warn Kermit? Would he even believe him? And when would he get to talk to Death again? It was all unknown to the phantom.

    Deadly dug his claws into the armchair, his beady yellow eyes drifted to the broken down bed in the corner of the room. No way he could sleep tonight (not that he actually slept any night).

    He left his armchair and drug his tired body and his long tail to the roof of the theater, he couldn’t miss the goodnights to the town folks below him, no matter what danger lurked above.

    He opened the creaky door to the roof and stepped out with his clawed toes, he leaned his jagged elbows on the rail over looking the town below. He smiled down as each shop turned off their lights in unison. "Goodnight," Deadly said quietly, drifting off into the night.

    >X<X>X<

    Scooter and J.P. were tied to two chairs in an empty, barely lit room.

    J.P. breathed deeply, "Scooter?" he asked his nephew nervously.

    "Yes uncle J.P.?" Scooter asked, trying to calm his uncle.

    "Hasn’t this been done before?" J.P. asked, feeling a law suit brewing in the pit of his wallet.

    <X>X<X>
    "Beaker should we pack the tweezers?"

    "Mee me mo mo mee!" Beaker demanded.

    "Oh, okay, we’ll leave the tweezers behind." Dr. Bunsen Honeydew sat the tweezers on a counter next to a first aid kit and a bottle of Tylenol.

    "Mo..." Beaker groaned.

    Robin hopped down the stairs leading to the basement. "Um, excuse me Dr. Honeydew, do you have a G.P.S. I could borrow for the trip?"

    Bunsen turned his head to the short green frog. "Oh why of course! I’d love to test out my Muppet Labs Gargantuan Proboscis Simulator!"

    "Pardon?" Robin asked.

    "Why yes! My only test subject so far has been Beaker! And it was such a success! I’d love to test it on someone else!" Bunsen declared. Beaker grabbed his nose timidly.

    "But, uh, what does it do?" Robin tilted his head to the side, trying to understand why Beaker was clutching his nose.

    "Why it doubles the size of your nose of course!" Bunsen proclaimed.

    Robin scrunched up his face. "Of course," he sighed. "Well thanks, but no thanks Dr. Honeydew, I’ll go ask the others." Robin told the bumbling scientist as he ascended the stairs into the kitchen where a mustachioed man tossed random food stuffs around his head, and anyone else’s head within a five foot radius.

    The Swedish Chef picked up a meat cleaver and scratched his head. "Tu cleefer oor nut tu cleefer, thet is zee qooesshun."

    Robin shook his head, with his luck the Chef thought G.P.S. stood for "Greetly Puoonded Shurty" (now if only Robin could figure out what that meant). Robin hopped along into the living room."

    There on the couch sat Bobo with a giant mass of bronze wrapped around his entire body. "Oh, hey there Robin, you like my new tuba?" the bear asked.

    Robin tilted his head to the side. "Um, do you even know how to play tuba Bobo?" the young frog asked.

    Bobo laughed. "No no, I’m takin’ up lessons. It’ll be great, I’ll get to practice on our little road trip! Heh heh!"

    "Oh...Um, okay then," Robin frowned, moving upstairs. I hope tuba practice isn’t synonymous with wake up call...He thought to himself.

    Robin hopped up the stairs, and suddenly stopped. He looked straight down at the stair in front of him, then sat down on it. "Sometimes when there’s so much stress like this I just need to stop and sit at my favorite place."

    A hand fell down on his shoulder, "I know what you mean," Kermit sat down next to his nephew and let out a deep breath. "It’s times like this that I’m glad I have you Robin, and I’m glad I have these stairs."

    "I’m always glad I have you Uncle Kermit." Robin smiled.

    "And what about the stairs?" Kermit smirked.

    "Oh Uncle Kermit," Robin laughed. "Are we supposed to start the song now?"
    "Well I think it would be appropriate," Kermit rubbed Robin’s head.

    "Oh, right," Robin nodded. "Now, uh, which song are we doing?"

    "I think you should pick."

    "Okay! Let’s go ‘Frog Kissing’!"

    "Do you want Miss Piggy to break me in half?"

    Robin smiled and started to sing. "Do you remember in the fairy tale
    How the wicked witch’s spell
    Changed the handsome prince to a toad?"

    Kermit smiled. "Through the power of her potion
    She handed him a notion
    He was lower than the dirt in the road
    And though she left him green and warted
    Her evil plan was thwarted
    When perchance to happen by a young miss."

    "When in spite of his complexion
    Offered her affection
    And broke the wicked curse with her kiss." Robin continued.

    "Well if you’ve never been frog kissin’," both frogs harmonized.
    "Then you don’t know what you’ve been missin’
    There’s a world of opportunity under each and every log
    If you’ve never been a charm breaker
    And you’ve never been a handsome prince maker
    Just slow down turn around bend down and kiss you a frog."

    "There’s a happy ever after land
    Deep in the heart of hand
    Where a prince or princess abide," Robin sung with his lovely voice.
    "But all we get are glimpses
    Of the handsome prince or princess
    Cause they’re covered by a green warty hide.
    "

    Kermit grinned and continued the song. "And though they’re full of life’s potential
    They’re lacking one essential
    To enable them to shine like a star
    And that’s to have some guy or misses
    Smother them with kisses
    And to love ‘em while just as they are.
    "

    "And that’s the secret of frog kissin’
    And you can do it too if you just listen
    Just slow down,
    Turn around,
    Bend down, and kiss you a frog.
    " Kermit and Robin harmonized to finish the song together. The both nodded and smiled.

    "Now don’t you go out kissing any cute young girl frogs Robin," Kermit warned his nephew.

    "Same goes for you frog!" Miss Piggy shouted from outside.

    Robin and Kermit looked at each other. "How does she do that?" the both asked in unison.

    "Now come on Robin, we’ve gotta get you packed and ready to leave in the morning." Kermit helped his nephew up off the stair.

    "Okay Uncle Kermit, but, uh, I have one question," Robin told his uncle.

    "Oh? And what’s that?"

    "Do we have a map? ‘Cause I couldn’t find a G.P.S. anywhere in this house." Robin said.

    "Not even the Muppet Labs Gargantuan Proboscis Simulator?" Kermit asked.

    "Uncle Kermit!"
  19. redBoobergurl Well-Known Member

    Whoa! Uncle Deadly and the gash and Scooter and his Uncle tied to chairs?? And Kermit he's so clever trying to find someone to stay at the theatre and that was just so funny that Clifford was on his cell phone. Then Kermit and Robin singing was so cute and I thought it was really funny when Piggy came in at the end. Alot of good stuff in this chapter, but I gotta know what's going on with Scooter and J.P.! And Uncle Deadly! So, MORE PLEASE!
  20. The Count Moderator

    Thanks... Needed some more fanfic today.
    Heh, liked how you borrowed from the intro of the first Muppets Tonight episode to drag Clifford into staying and watching the theater instead of going on the trip.

    Scooter and J.P. tied up in some almost unlit room, you'd better hope he lives through this or someone will certainly give you the business worse than Camilla that last time.

    Uncle Deadly got attacked?!? Ooh... Scary stuff and I do hope he gets the chance to talk to Death. Was touched how he gathered enough strength to do the Good Nights watching over the rest of the town's inhabitants.

    Funny stuff with Robin trying to find a GPS, getting burned by it when Kermit knew what GPS stood for down in Muppet Labs.
    The song, where's that from?
    Pepe saying "grathius" is hokay for his character, but you might want to remember it's written "g-r-a-c-i-a-s" for when you're speaking yourself.
    Couple of instances where you wrote "the both" where it should "they both" instead.

    Other than that it was rully good and scary and funny at the same time... Hee, after Lisa's story last night, Robin rully should hope that Bobo's tuba lessons don't mean wake up calls on the trip.
    Only one thing left to say... More please!

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