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Muppet Fan-Fic: Don't Trip the Driver

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by theprawncracker, Oct 23, 2006.

  1. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member

    100% HILARIOUS, Prawnie! As usual. I especially like Skeeter's line, "Well...You're making him mumble anyway, and that's never a good sign!" I mean, I liked all of it, really, but you've heard my comments on most of the rest, so...

    MORE PLEASE!
  2. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Yaey for the new chapter! Loved it all. Laughed when Animal sent his drums rolling out the back of the bus.
    "Left" Zoot said. Now if that isn't a nod to MC I don't know what is.

    And those boys have got to learn not to fight so much between them, after all, Skeeter'll just lay down the law.
    But I wanna get back to the theater and find out what Uncle D's doing to keep Benny from usurping the Muppets' home away from home.
    In other words, more please!
  3. Beauregard

    Beauregard Well-Known Member

    There! I read it! Happy? :halo:
  4. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Oh, oh yes, very happy. MWoO ha ha ha! *ahem* :halo:
  5. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Yes... But I'm unhappy... And will be so... Unless you post some more soonerishkibbible Prawn.
    If you're stuck, feel free to swing by my dormroom and we can talk.
  6. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Is coming! Is coming! Got two/four hands only! Don't worry, I've got my day planned tomorrow around getting another chapter posted. So, no sweat, I write good.
  7. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    OK then... Oh, and if you do get stuck, there's this article at http://muppet.wikia.com you should check out. It's about a Muppet book, not sure what year now and you might be able to get it, titled The Phantom of the Muppet Show. Oddly enough, it's not about your roomie... But rather, it's another etherial presence named John Stone.
    Check it out, hope it helps somewhat.
  8. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    I actually have that book! Hehe, thanks though Ed.
  9. redBoobergurl

    redBoobergurl Well-Known Member

    Eek! Somehow I missed the update! Great stuff, funny as always, I can't believe I didn't see this sooner! And I see that your resolution is to write more of this, soooooo, write more of this!!
  10. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Chapter 22

    Uncle Deadly couldn't ever remember running as fast as he was. He darted through the town like a blue bullet, dodging men, women, children, and the occasional cue card carrying penguin.

    If Uncle Deadly had a heart, it would have lifted out of his chest when he saw the spires from the roof of the Muppet Boarding House pointing up to the sky.

    He darted up the porch of the house he had heard so much about, yet never been allowed to visit. He grasped the door knob with his entire blue palm and tried to turn.

    It didn't turn.

    He began to pound the door with his fist. "Scooter! Hello? Are you there? Clifford! Someone, please!" He cried, begging for an answer.

    There was no answer.

    The phantom drug himself around the house, desperately searching for another door. He found one in the back and began to pound again, desperate for someone, anyone, who could help.

    No one could help.

    Deadly hammered the side of the house with his fist. Blue flicks of electricity sparked out of his knuckles. He growled, tossing back his handicaps by gathering all his electricity into his right palm. The phantom jumped back and shot a blast of electricity from his hand directly at the back door.

    The back door fell to the ground.

    He stepped inside the dark kitchen slowly, his hand twitching from anguishing pain. He examined his surroundings and immediately knew he was at home.

    Deadly moved forward a step, careful not to make any noise. Unfourtunately, his great care didn't help, the sound of a car horn out front made him jump, caused him to knock over all of the Swedish Chef's condiments and things laying on the counter inside the kitchen.

    Deadly fell in a pile of flour, scrambling to get up as the voices he heard drew nearer. His body was completely white by the time he could stand.

    He began to run again, lost in this maze of a house. He passed a moose head, then a television set, then a couch, then was halted by the opening front door directly in front of him.

    <X>X<X>​

    Benny's evil sneer spread across his face as he admired his work of hatred. His job was done, and he was happy with himself.​

    He grabbed Death's scythe off the wall where it leaned and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.​

    The newly repainted room sat deathly quiet. ​

    The faces of the heart and soul of the Muppets sat covered in black paint.​

    And the spirits of those in the room long since gone could sit no longer.​

    The cabinet that sat against the back wall shook with the fury of an earthquake. "Will ya get'cher foot out of my face?!" a voice shouted.​

    "Gladly," another voice said. "If Jim would, ugh, move his arm."​

    The ghostly figure of Jim Henson somberly stepped out of the closet.​

    The ghostly figures of Jerry Juhl and Richard Hunt fell to the floor behind him.​

    "Better?" Jim asked.​

    "Not after sein' this mess," Richard said standing up.​

    "Nothing a little spit shine wouldn't cure," Jerry smiled.​

    "Where are we gonna get spit?" Richard asked. "We're dry as bones!"​

    "Well your jokes certainly are," Jerry remarked.​

    Jim put his hands on his hips and walked over to one of the walls, leaving Jerry and Richard to lovingly argue, just like always.​

    Jerry and Richard saw Jim's movement and stopped. "What's the plan boss?" Richard asked, sounding remarkably like Scooter.​

    Jim stood silently, stroking his bearded chin. "Hmm," was all that came out of his mouth.​

    "Oh, here we go!" Richard threw his arms up. "We're gonna be here all day!"​

    "Patience Richard. You can't write a script in a day you know," Jerry calmed his friend.​

    "Well, we better be outta here soon," Richard smirked. "I'm goin' dancin' with Marilyn Monroe tonight."​

    "How's that different from any other night?" Jerry asked.​

    "This time she said yes," Richard smirked.​

    Jim walked along the wall silently, peering through the paint. He slowly came to a stop before one of the pictures at the very end of the wall. He smiled and reached out for it. The paint spread off of the surrounding wall in ripples, slowly revealing Jim's face.​

    "I know what to do," Jim said calmly over Jerry and Richard.​

    Both of them stopped instantly and walked over to Jim. "Oh you do, huh?" Richard smirked. "Let me try that trick," he said. He reached forward, and sure enough, ripples again, revealing Frank Oz.​

    "Oh sheesh, I got Frank!" Richard moaned.​

    "May I try?" Jerry asked, reaching forward. He grinned as his own face was cleared of it's paintly obstruction.​

    "How'd you do that?" Richard asked. "You guys got yerselves, and I got Frank! Grand..."​

    "Richard?" Jim asked quietly.​

    "Yeah?" Richard asked.​

    "Try up there." Jim pointed to another picture.​

    Richard reached up and cleared the paint away from Jerry Nelson. "Wha-?"​

    "Thanks, I felt like seeing Jerry again," Jim smiled.​

    Richard frowned. "Yeah, yeah, laugh it up you two..."​

    "Oh, c'mon Richard," Jerry patted him on his back. "Jim's entitled to a little fun once in a while too."​

    "A little fun?" Richard laughed. "Who do you think got that cabinet shaking?"​

    Jim grinned and began to clear away the paint from the rest of the pictures. Jerry and Richard took the silent hint and did the same.​

    "Richard, you look young in this picture," Jerry said.​

    "Yeah, what happened?" Jim joked.​

    "Oh, your face Jim! Your face!" Richard shouted.​

    "My face does look good in that picture, doesn't it?" Jim grinned.​

    "I dunno why I agreed to spend the afterlife with you two..."​

    The three of them stopped working suddenly, realizing they were done, and stared at all their friends, co-workers, and some people they didn't even know. "Oh yeah," Richard whispered. "That's why."​


    >X<X>X<​


    "Hey, hey Pepe!" Clyde shouted to Beauregard.​

    "I'm not Pepe, I'm Beauregard," Beau said.​

    "That's not what Pepe told me!" Butch said.​

    "Oh really?" Beau asked. "Well then I guess I am Pepe."​

    "Si, si, and I am Beauregard. Keep it dat way for a minute, hokay?" Pepe darted past the janitor.​

    "Alright, where is he?!" Piggy stormed. "Where is that little shrimp?! I still haven't murdered him for that silky soft comment!" ​

    "Oh, right here Miss Piggy!" Beau raised his hand.​

    "You're not him!" Piggy shouted.​

    "Oh, yes, I am," Beau said. "He told me so."​

    "So wait just a minute here," Rizzo said. "Let me get this straight. You're Pepe, and Pepe's you?"​

    "Si," Pepe hid behind Butch.​

    "Den who's Miss Piggy?" Rizzo asked.​

    "De largest man in de world, hokay?" Pepe remarked.​

    Piggy's face grew tense. "I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!!" she screamed, tackling Butch to get to the shrimp.​

    Rowlf looked anxiously at Kermit. The frog shrugged. "I think he deserved that one," he said.​

    "HIIIIIIIIII-YAAAH!"​

    Suddenly the bus was minus a concious prawn.​

    "Um, if Miss Piggy is the largest man in the world, then why isn't she in the book of world records?" Beauregard asked innocently.​

    "HI-YA!"​

    Minus one concious prawn, minus one concious janitor equals one happy pig.​

    "Did he deserve that one?" Rowlf asked.​

    Kermit shrugged again. "Probably." Kermit turned to Emily Bear, driving the bus. "Mrs. Bear, pull over here."​

    "You got it mister lizard!" ​

    The bus pulled off to the side of the road and the motorcycles followed. Kermit took a deep breath and walked towards the door.​

    "Kermit?" Rowlf spoke up.​

    "Hmm?" ​

    "Be careful, and get our bear and frog back!" ​

    "YEAH!" the whole bus cheered.​

    Kermit nodded. "Will do."​

    The door swung open, and Kermit stepped off the bus.​
  11. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    No! You can't stop it there! We want more, and deserve more, and could you post more please?
    The braveness of that lead frog... The fact that you ended up with one happy pig shows that you didn't deserve that bad grade in Math, but those two deserved the karate chops they got... At least Pepe did.
    Oh, I'm so enraptured by Uncle Deadly reaching the MBH and immediately feeling at home when intruding through the kitchen. Too bad his lightning effect can't be used too often and at least maybe he'll have some allies in the form of the Grosse family arriving there as well...

    But the one thing I abso'blooming-lutely hug about this chapter?
    The room! And the Ghostly Trio! No, not those three spirit saps... Jim, and Jerry, and Richard!
    Oh, that was the best thing ever. Loved the humor there... How Richard finally got Marilyn to say "Yes" to go dancing with him... And the whole "Your Face!" and how Jim deflected it... But even better, they're reclaiming their own sanctum sanctorium, cleaning away the vandalism perpetrated by that Vanderghast. And the line I liked the most was when Jim felt good after seeing Jerry Nelson's face again. It sort of harkens to the character over whom this is all about, Uncle Deadly and the fact he's no longer a spook and the threat of the theater being taken away, which is why it was doubly as great that it was Richard who found Jerry's painting as Scooter's family's at the heart of this story.

    Oh Prawn! Hugs to you buddy, and get back to post more soonerishkibbible!
  12. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member

    Prawnie my beloved other half this chapter ROCKS but at the moment I'm not online, I don't have my computer on, so it's physically impossible for me to be making this post so I'll tell you how wonderful you are once my room is clean!
  13. redBoobergurl

    redBoobergurl Well-Known Member

    Jim, Richard and Jerry!!! How fun are they??? I have to say, the way you were writing for them is exactly how I picture them up in heaven. Screwing around, having fun together. That's how it should be! I loved Richard's line about going dancing with Marilyn Monroe too. Very cute. The rest of the chapter was great too, but that was my favorite part! More please!
  14. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Chapter 23

    The lights in the theater flickered on, and the dust sitting above the stage could be seen clearly now. Benny jumped from the light control box down to the seating area. He used the scythe as a walking stick as he trudged back up to the stage.

    The theater looked a lot different from the stage, especially when the lights were on. Benny leered out at where a crowd would sit, a crowd that would come to watch him.

    There in lied the problem however, Benny didn’t know how to perform in front of a crowd. As a matter of fact, he’d never even performed on stage.

    He supposed now would be as good a time as any to at least try and perform, even if there wasn’t an audience. He didn’t know how much having an audience would affect his performance, he could barely see out into the crowd anyway.

    Benny began to tap his feet lightly, digging inside for a song he actually knew. It was harder than he thought it would be.

    He muttered something under his breath, nothing was coming to him. He hummed a bit of a tune he was making up, now if only he could put words to the music. "Da da dum... La da doo... Da da da dee..."

    "If the world is so good..." he began slowly.
    "Then why am I bad
    If the world’s so perfect
    Then why am I sad..."

    "If the world was different
    Well, then you would see
    That the world wants everyone
    Everyone but me.

    "Why should I change
    For this world
    This world that won’t change for me
    Why should I change
    When the world won’t change
    Won’t change for me."

    Benny began to stomp around the stage, scythe in his grasp. He reached down on the stage and grabbed up the curtain he pulled down earlier, throwing it around his back like a cape.

    "If I ruled the world
    Boy, would things change
    Everyone would be normal
    No one weird or strange

    "We’d all be accepted
    For who we truly are
    Cause everyone would be the same
    No one would be a star."

    Benny started firing blazes from the head of the scythe as he sang the chorus, shooting flames all around the stage.

    "Why should I change
    For this world
    This world that won’t change for me
    Why should I change
    When the world won’t change
    Won’t change for me."

    Benny cackled loudly, pushing back his silvery slivers of hair that dangled off his head. "I’m really a rather sweet fellow, once you get to know me! HA!" he cackled.

    "The world is cruel
    So is life
    Why should the after life
    Be. Any. Different?!"

    Benny cackled out the last note. "The audience loves me!" he shouted. "And so does this scythe!" he pointed she scythe up towards the ceiling, firing another blast of heat.

    The fire ball knocked out a light up on the ceiling. Benny muttered. "I’ll fix it..."

    Suddenly, he heard a ringing noise. "Ugh, what is it now Polly?" he muttered.

    He reached into his pocket and flipped open is cell phone. "What?" he answered. "...Marvelous, I’ll meet you at the rendevous point. ...Yeah, give them the frog and bear once you have the keys. ...Great." Benny hung up and laughed again. "Time to lock up."

    <X>X<X>

    "I don’t care why you honked the horn! I was carrying my uncle inside when you did it!" Scooter shouted, stepping into the Boarding House.

    "Heh, heh, even J.P. thought it was funny, right J.P.?" Clifford asked J.P., whom Scooter was carrying.

    "Mehmer flemmer..." he mumbled.

    "See?"

    "Uncle Deadly?!" Skeeter screamed.

    "Yeah, I see- UNCLE DEADLY?!"

    The three of them looked up and realized they were staring the phantom right in his beady yellow eyes.

    "Thank goodness it’s you," Deadly breathed out heavily.

    "Who else would it be, dude?" Clifford asked. "And what’re you doin’ here?"

    "He’s hiding from Vandergast, that’s what he’s doing," Scooter said.

    "Naw, he’s Uncle D., he doesn’t need to hide," Clifford said.

    "Sure he does! Especially when Vandergast has that... Blade thing!" Scooter shouted.

    "Please, let me explain," Deadly whispered.

    "Go on Uncle Deadly," Skeeter smacked Clifford and Scooter on the back of their heads. "We’re listening."

    Deadly clenched his arm. "May I sit down?" he asked.

    "Dude, this is like your home, make yourself at home," Clifford said.

    "Thank you." Deadly and the others moved into the living room. Scooter gently set J.P. in one of the armchairs. Skeeter, Clifford, and Uncle Deadly took seats on the couch.

    "What happened to your uncle?" Deadly asked.

    "Some sort of truth serum," Scooter whispered. "But it did more than make him tell the truth, you can barely feel his pulse..."

    Deadly nodded. "Benny will do anything..." Deadly whispered.

    "Whadayou know about this Vandgergast dude?" Clifford asked the phantom.
    "Not much," Deadly said. "Just that he avoided Death many years ago, which caused Death to disappear. That’s how Benny got the scythe."

    "‘Kay, ya lost me at Death," Clifford remarked.

    Deadly sighed. "Then I have a lot of explaining to do..."

    Deadly went on to describe the rules of Death and the role he played in them. He told of Death’s position, and what had happened to him. And finally, he told of J.P.’s situation.

    "Your uncle came to me just recently with this news... He has known of Vandergast for years, but just recently alerted me of the threat."

    J.P. squirmed slightly in the armchair. "Of course, there was nothing I could do by the time I was alerted. Perhaps, if I was alerted sooner, I could have told Death and something could have been done. But now..." Deadly sighed.

    "We’ll figure something out," Skeeter said. "We always do."

    "Yeah, there’s gotta be something we can do," Clifford agreed.

    Deadly shook his head. "There is nothing, not so long as Vandergast is in the theater."

    "Sure there is!" Scooter finally spoke up. "Uncle Deadly, you know that theater better than anyone! There’s gotta be away to get inside and get that scythe back!" Scooter was standing by this point. "And I’m willing to do whatever it takes to save the theater!"

    "Me too!" Clifford stood up as well.

    "Count me in," Skeeter said.

    Deadly grinned. "Well then, step one is already complete."

    >X<X>X<
    "Alright boys, you know the plan," Polly told his pirate crew.

    Robin cowered behind Fozzie, who was being restrained by Angel Marie.

    "Um, please watch the fur," Fozzie told Angel Marie. "I just had it dry cleaned."

    Kermit stepped towards Polly. "Polly, why’re you doing this? You’re a Muppet!" Kermit said to the lobster.

    "Oh, yeah? Am I frog?" Polly asked. "Den why haven’t I been on screen since ‘Muppet Treasure Island’?!" Polly shouted.

    Kermit gulped. "Uh, union?"

    "Not a good answer, frog," Polly glared. "Now give us the keys! Or the bear gets it!"

    "Why the bear?" Fozzie whined. "Why is it always the bear?"

    "Quiet you," Clueless pointed at Fozzie. "No, no, I’m just kidding, you can keep talking."

    "Shut up Clueless!" Polly shouted. "So frog, where are the keys?"

    "Uncle Kermit!" Robin shouted.

    Kermit sighed. "Here," Kermit handed a set of keys to Polly.

    "Ooh, how did you do that?" Clueless asked. "You don’t even have any pockets even!"

    "I said shut it, Clueless!" Polly yelled again.

    "I’ve been shut for ages," Old Tom said.

    Kermit scrunched up his face. "Can I have my best friend and my nephew back now?" Kermit asked.

    "Is that all the keys?" Polly asked, shaking Kermit’s keys.

    Kermit sighed. "Hold on..."

    Kermit hopped back to the bus and walked on. "Alright guys, everyone who has a key to the theater, throw it up."

    The sound of jingling keys filled the bus as everyone threw a key up, landing at Kermit’s feet.

    Everyone but Miss Piggy.

    "Hey, hey, whoa, what?!" Piggy shouted. "How many of you have a key?"

    Everyone on the bus raised their hand, even Mrs. Bear.

    "WHAT?!" Piggy shouted.

    Kermit quickly rounded up all the keys and ran back out the bus. "Here you go," Kermit extended his hands out to Polly. "All twenty-four copies of the key to the Muppet Theater."

    "Um, Kermit, should I give the crawdad mine too?" Fozzie asked.

    "I’m a lobster! And yes, you should, or you get it!" Polly shouted.

    "I still don’t know what it is," Fozzie whined. "But I don’t like it!" He handed Polly his key.

    "What about you Roland, you got a key too?" Polly asked Robin.

    Robin nodded silently and handed Polly a key.

    "Thank you!" Polly quickly grabbed up the key.

    "Can I have them back now, please?" Kermit asked.

    "Well dat’s a Sesame seed for ya, always sayin’ please," Polly laughed. "Alright Angel Marie, let ‘em go."

    Angel Marie released Fozzie from his grasp. "OH THANK YOU!" Fozzie shouted, running to cower behind his best friend the frog, along with Robin.

    "Bye," Angel Marie waved. "Come back anytime!"

    "I think we’re done here," Polly said, walking back to his motorcycle, putting the keys in his jacket pocket.

    "Wait a second," Kermit called. "Where’s Sweetums?"

    "I left my sweetums at home," Clueless blinked. "She hates road trips."

    "The monster who chased you!" Kermit said.

    "Oh, him?" Polly asked. "Yeah, we lost him way back there. Good luck findin’ him though."

    The pirates laughed and revved up their bikes. As they pulled back out onto the highway smoke filled the air. Kermit picked up his nephew and carried him back into the bus, Fozzie followed.

    "Mrs. Bear, we have a monster and a whatever to find." Kermit handed Robin to Rowlf and took command.

    "But Kermit," Rowlf said. "What about the keys?"

    "We can’t let the bad guys win!" Fozzie said.

    "Yeah man, the whole story would be a bummer if that happened!" Floyd shouted.

    Kermit shook his head. "Gonzo and Sweetums are more important."

    "Kermin, once, jou said to me ‘But what about our dream, Pepe?’ and do jou know what I said? I said to jou ‘She’s hot, hokay?’ Which she was, but, neither Gonso, or Sweetyums are hot, hokay? So why are we giving up our dreams for dem again?" Pepe asked.

    "Because Pepe," Kermit began. "The dream wouldn’t be the same without them."

    "The frog has a point," Johnny said.

    "The frog definitely has a point!" Sal shouted.

    "So whadaya say? Let’s go find our friends!" Kermit shouted.

    <X>X<X>

    Sweetums stood in the middle of the highway and looked around. "Aw man! Now I’ve gotta catch up to those guys! Again!"

    On the side of the road, a penguin with a stack of cue cards quacked at the monster. "Where’re you going exactly?" the penguin asked.

    "To find my bus," Sweetums said. "Hey... Don’t I know you from somewhere?"

    "Well sure, I’m in every one of these stories!" the penguin said, holding up a cue card that read "Applause."

    Sweetums scratched his head. "Uh..."

    "Well why aren’t you clapping?! When the card is up, you do what it says! Sheesh!" the penguin shouted.

    "Well, I know but-"

    "Just clap!" Sweetums started clapping hard for the penguin. "That’ll be five bucks," the penguin said. "If you need to write a check, you can make it out to ‘Zany L. Penguin’."

    Sweetums stared down at Zany. "How ‘bout an I.O.U.?" Sweetums asked.

    "Are you insured?" Zany asked.

    "Are you?" Sweetums kicked Zany off the road and into the woods. "Dang runnin’ gags..." Sweetums muttered. "Speakin’ of which..." Sweetums started running down the highway again, after the bus.
  15. redBoobergurl

    redBoobergurl Well-Known Member

    Oh the hilarity! "How many of you have keys?" and everyone raising their hands including Mrs. Bear! That was just so funny! Reminds me of how everyone has a key to Monica's apartment in the show Friends. And the line about Kermit being a Sesame seed always saying please really cracked me up too. Many moments in this chapter actually cracked me up quite a bit, but sadly I don't have time to comment on them all. So, I'll just say what I always do: great stuff, more please!
  16. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    *Pokes Prawny. You there? Can we please get more of this story? Come on, before Lisa gets online and has a chance to catch up with more of whatever story she decides to update.
    *Notices Lisa coming into the room. Oh hey girl... Was talking about you. Want some hot chocolate? And could you please update a fic or two of yours? Huh? Nah, I think Prawny's unconscious again.
  17. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Chapter 24

    The Electric Mayhem bus wasn’t always the most pristine vehicle to drive, but it always got the Muppets where they needed to go.

    Until today, when the tire was flat, and Kermit, Fozzie, Floyd, Rizzo, and Animal stared at the burst rubber with annoyance.

    "Man, how could this have happened?" Floyd asked.

    "Beats me," Rizzo shrugged.

    "BEAT RAT! BEAT RAT!" Animal leaped at Rizzo.

    Floyd held tight to the chain. "Down Animal! Back! Sit! Heel!"

    "Kermit?" Fozzie looked to his best friend for counsel.

    Kermit stared down at the sliced tire. "Floyd?" Kermit asked the hipster.
    "Yeah, green stuff?" Floyd asked.

    "Is there a spare tire underneath the bus?"

    "Should be, yeah, think we actually wrote a song about it on one of our road trips," Floyd nodded.

    "Road trip! Road trip!" Animal said.

    "Alright Fozzie, bust out the straws," Kermit told the bear.

    Fozzie pulled out a group of drinking straws and walked back on the bus with Kermit and the others. "Alright gang," Kermit addressed the group. "We’ve got a flat, so here’s the deal, everyone draws a straw, and whoever gets the shortest has to change the tire, alright?"

    "Uncle Kermit?" Robin tugged at his uncle. "Do I have to draw a straw?"
    Kermit patted his nephew’s head. "No Robin, don’t worry about it."

    "Oh, Kermie," Piggy spoke up sweetly. "Does moi have to draw a straw? Vous wouldn’t want moi to ruin moi’s new manicure and pedicure combo, would vous?"

    Kermit scrunched up his face. "Piggy, just draw a straw."

    Piggy did as she was told, as did the rest of the Muppets, paws, wings, and hands all reached in for a grab at the plastic sticks deciding their fate.

    "Alright, c’mon, who got de short one?" Pepe asked. "De suspense es killing me, hokay?"

    "Wasn’t me."

    "Man, mine’s longer than Piggy’s, does that count for anything?"

    "Yeah? Well mine’s longer than Clyde’s! So there!"

    "I think me and Butch have the same size."

    "My strev is nut shurtur thun zee cheeckens."

    "My straw isn’t, Beaker?"

    "Mee mee mo mee me maw."

    "Waiting like dis, sucks, hokay?"

    "Ahh! Sucks, straws! That’s fun-ny!"

    "Um, excuse me my good primate," Sam whispered to Sal. "What is the object of this?"

    "To not get a short straw," Sal said. "Why?"

    "Because my straw is significantly shorter than yours." Sam held out his straw stub to Sal.

    "SAM GOT THE SHORT STRAW!" Sal shouted for all the bus to hear.

    Pepe and Rizzo began laughing. "Hey, good luck d’er Sam," Rizzo said.

    "I hope you’re not too tired to fix it! Ahh! Wocka! Wocka!"

    Sam frowned, well, he was always frowning, so he frowned some more. "Kermit, this is completely outrageous!"

    "Sorry Sam," Kermit said. "Those were the rules."

    "Yeah man," Floyd laughed. "The spare tire’s under the bus! Good luck! Ha ha ha!"

    With that, Sam left his seat and made his way to the door. He stopped, turned around and pointed forward. "I would just like to say, that as a strong, decent, American citizen, I am proud to serve my country in such a way as changing a tire. And furthermore-"

    "Sam?" Rowlf stopped the eagle.

    "Yes, o’ pooch of pilfered patriotism?"

    "Just go change the tire."

    "Oh! Indeed!" Sam saluted and marched off the bus, around to the tire. The eagle cross-examined the tire. Kermit, Fozzie, and the rest of the Muppets stuck their head out the windows. "Kermit?" Sam asked the frog.

    "Yes, Sam?" Kermit replied.

    "The tire is most definitely flat."

    Kermit scrunched up his face. "Thank you Sam, but we already knew that. Now could you start fixing it?"

    "Oh, of course!" Sam said. "Now where is that spare tire?"

    "Underneath the bus!" all of the Muppets shouted at once.

    "Good heavens," Sam said. "You expect me to mangle my feathers by getting down on the road, crawling under this bus, and pulling out a tire?"

    "You’ll probably have to pull out the bus jack too," Floyd said.

    "I thought Sweetums was Jack," Sal said.

    "Jack’s not his name," Robin replied. "Jack’s his job."

    "Jack! Oh what a cute job!" Bean said. "I wish my job was named Jack."

    "I wish our jack would get on the job!" Piggy growled.

    "Yeah me too, I’m hungry," Rizzo said.

    "And Gonzo and Sweetums are still stuck on the road somewhere!" Fozzie shouted.

    "Oh yeah."

    Suddenly, down the road, the Muppets heard a car approaching with music from the twenties playing on the radio.

    "Uncle Kermit! It’s a car! Maybe they can help!" Robin said.

    "Good idea," Kermit told his nephew. "Sam, flag down the car."

    "Oh! Of course!" Sam whipped out an American flag and waved it in front of him.

    The approaching Jeep slowed to a stop, the twenties music still playing, and the two old men inside still as mean and as old as ever.

    "Hey Waldorf, look! It’s the Muppets!" Statler said from the driver’s seat.
    Statler and Waldorf looked at the Muppets and laughed.

    "Statler? Waldorf?" Fozzie asked. "Oh no, even when I’m on vacation they find me..."

    "You’re on vacation?" Statler asked.

    "So are we!" Waldorf declared.

    "From your awful show!"

    "Do ho ho ho!"

    "Ah!" Sam shouted, looking at the back of their Jeep. "I see you have a spare tire that is easy to access!"

    "Yeah, and I see you have a brain that isn’t often accessed!"

    "Do ho ho ho!"

    "Well may I borrow your tire?" Sam asked.

    "May we ditch your show for good and retire to Florida?" Statler asked.

    "No!" Fozzie shouted.

    "Well then, good luck changing your tire!"

    "Do ho ho ho!" both hecklers laughed as they drove their Jeep away.

    "Fozzie..." Kermit stared at his best friend. "Why did you do that? We could’ve gotten our tire and be freed from those old curmudgeons!"

    "Sorry, Kermit," Fozzie wrung his hat in his hands. "But those two are the only things that make my act funny!"

    "Good grief..." Kermit sighed.

    <X>X<X>

    Clifford’s car pulled up in front of the theater. Uncle Deadly hadn’t been in a car since before his death, and back then it was mostly common for him to walk, it was a surreal experience.

    Clifford, Scooter, Skeeter, and Uncle Deadly got out of the car and stared at the theater. "Well, here we go," Skeeter whispered.

    "All we’ve worked for," Scooter said. "All our hopes, and our dreams, all of them lie in this theater."

    "And you’re uncle’s lyin’ in the car," Clifford said.

    "Yes," Uncle Deadly said. "He’ll be safest there."

    Scooter and Skeeter nodded. Clifford stuffed his hands in his pockets. "What’s he gonna do to us Uncle D.? You know, if we get caught."

    Uncle Deadly sighed. The phantom stared up at the theater he called home, then back down at the three people he called family. "Just don’t get caught," Deadly said.

    Scooter gulped. Skeeter slipped her arm through Clifford’s. "We can do it," Clifford said. "If anyone can, we can."

    Deadly nodded. "If anything goes wrong, anything at all, I want you three out of there."

    "No promises," Clifford said. "We’re family dude, we stick together."

    "Especially when Bunsen’s canister of Muppet Labs Super Adhesive bursts," Scooter smiled.

    "Now that was a sticky situation," Uncle Deadly grinned.

    "Ready?" Clifford asked.

    The three others nodded. "Well then," Uncle Deadly said. "Let’s split up gang."
  18. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Fabulous. Though I know this is reaching the climax and nearing the end after you gave Benny his master villain musical number a bit back. Tired for reviews, see ya later.
  19. redBoobergurl

    redBoobergurl Well-Known Member

    The scene with the straws was just hilarity at it's best! Sam trying to change a flat? Oh the images that I can see with that! Too funny! And then Statler and Waldorf showing up! It was just perfect! Great stuff as usual Prawnie, thanks for giving me something to read at work! :)
  20. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member

    All right, Prawn Dust. One more word about how I have to catch up on my other half's reviews and I think I'll burst. Hallelujah, I'm allowed to be on the computer now, so here goes.

    Chapter Twenty-Two

    Yes, Richard. That's why.

    I know what you're referencing! La de da de da dum! I know! Haha!

    AGREED! On multiple levels.

    AGREED AGAIN! On the same multiple levels.

    Chapter Twenty-Three

    IT DOES! It really truly does! Believe me, I've been on stage, with the lights on, and BOY is it different! And when the stage lights are on and the house lights are off and you can't even see the audience but you KNOW they're there it's OOOOOOOOOH! ...Okay, sorry, I'll stop dreaming of the few school plays I managed to get a part in. :halo:

    It is! It can be! See Benny, you should leave it to the experts. Give the Muppets their theater back. ...Wishful thinking, huh?

    GAH! Oh I shivered through his whole number Prawnie, I really did! And the silvery slivers, I LOVE that! That's PERFECT! But that line there is just OOOOOH I shiver and shudder and squirm!

    Did I mention that I shivered through his entire song? Because I really really did. And I don't mean because my fan was on too high again. In fact I think it was pretty warm in my room when I read it. But I digress. Creepy stuff.

    I just plain love that line. No real good reason. I just do.

    <Cheers!> Yayful! I like that step one. Can we do that again? ...No? We have to do step two? Oh, okay...

    THE MUPPET MOVIE! ...Or at least it reminds me of it. Anyway, AWESOME!

    Si, si, de same union dat moved de bush in Muppets From Space, hokay? Or is it de one dat held de umbrella? (Hey, jour de one who got me talking like Pepe, hokay? Don't blame me for posting in es.)

    How should hi know, hokay? Hi only have thirty-four of de bears. OH, jou mean de bear as in jou. Hokay.

    You write Clueless SO WELL! Have I said that yet? Has anyone said that yet? It needs to be said. You are AWESOME at Clueless! Honestly! Really! Truly! SOOOOOOOOO awesome!

    And Fozzie! SO good at Fozzie! I can hear and see this line, really, I can. SO awesome.

    I love that Polly can't get Robin's name right! It reminds me of Finding Nemo. "His son Bingo..."

    GREAT MUPPET CAPER! TOTALLY! OH I HEART YOU! I LESS THAN THREE YOU! ...Did I REALLY just say that? ...Feel free to knix the part about less-than three. ( <3 )

    SO much to love! First off, Kermit's line that Gonzo and Sweetums are more important. SO TRUE! Of course, the family first! Crazy mismatched family they may be, but family none the less! Second off, Pepe's line! IAVMMCM! (I just love spouting that acronym...) SEHR SEHR FANTASTISCH, MEIN LIEBES PRAWN! ...Erm, which is roughly, "Very very fantastic, my dear Prawn." Except in German, with semi-butchered grammar. Third off- A STANDING OVATION FOR KERMIT'S LINE! THE DREAM WOULDN'T BE THE SAME WITHOUT THEM! I APPLAUD!

    YEAH! LET'S GO! <jumps>

    Speaking of applause. This scene is just hilarious. I love it. Love seeing Sweetums running again.

    Chapter Twenty-Four

    No! Don't beat the rat! ...He's a Steve character...

    Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, so sweet!

    Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, so practical!

    I love that description, the paws, wings, and hands. Really captures the inter-species nature of the Muppets. I can honestly see that.

    One- I love Rowlf. Two- I love Sam's alliteration. Three- I love Rowlf. He's so down-to-earth. I love it.

    I know I only quoted one line and it's a whole conversation but- THE MUPPET MOVIE!!!!! And I love that Robin had this line. I'm probably biased, but it's the truth.

    These three lines are just so in-character. It's so typical for Rizzo to think of his stomach. It's so typical for Fozzie to remember their real mission, and to point it out. And such a typical reaction from Rizzo. It's just perfect, Prawnie. I love it.

    I was really wracking my brain to figure out who the heck this could be... And it was Statler and Waldorf! And you TOLD me they would be in this chapter, and gosh, they're fantastic!

    PERFECT! I absolutely ADORE this line! It's like the punchline for the whole scene, and I'm SO glad Fozzie got it! I felt like jumping and squeeing the first time I read that, Prawnie.

    EXCELLENT detail there. Of course it would be surreal to UD to ride in a car. But who would think of that? Who would mention that? YOU, my dear Prawn, that's who! And I heap large amounts of praise upon you for it!

    Scooter sums it up nicely- all their dreams... it's a very Muppety sort of way to look at the theater, and in this case, by Muppety I mean that sort of... just the huge undercurrents of "Yes, this is our dream." And then Clifford shoots it into perspective with a punch-line sort of feel, which just makes it even more Muppety. Reminds me of... Oh where is that quote... Ah, here it is. From our good friend, Frank. "Whenever characters become self-important or sentimental in the Muppets, then there's always another character there to blow them up immediately." I think you really captured that. Minus the dynamite, but it's got the same effect.

    YAY! And that's SO The Muppets!

    THAT'S The Muppets, too!

    And that's the explosion part of Frank's little quote up there.

    Perfect, Prawnie. Just perfect.

    MORE PLEASE!


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