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Muppet Fan-Fic: Don't Trip the Driver

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by theprawncracker, Oct 23, 2006.

  1. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Chapter 25

    "Are you sure this is the right place?" Mad Monty asked, pushing through bushes and stems.

    Angel Marie tripped, falling flat on his face. "I think I’m rediscovering my roots," he moaned.

    "I think that joke’s older than I am," Really Old Tom said, hobbling through the woods.

    "Nothin’ is older than you are," Polly said. "And yes, Benny said he’d be here."

    "But Polly, Benny just said ‘the woods’, how are we supposed to know which woods he means?" Clueless asked.

    "Because, he said, ‘just pull over and bring the keys into the woods, I’ll find you.’" Polly ducked underneath a low branch.

    "But, how will we find him?" Monty asked.

    "I dunno, he’ll probably find us," Polly said. "He’s creepy like that, ya know?"

    "Yeah," Clueless said. "He’s a real weirdo."

    "A terrible tyrant with a creepy laugh," Black Dog spoke up.

    "A youngin’ who doesn’t know where he’s goin’!" Old Tom said.

    "Yeah! Yeah!" Polly laughed. "And he’s a real jerk too! He doesn’t even have a good dental plan!"

    "Uh, Polly-" Clueless poked the lobster.

    "Quiet Clueless. Benny is so stupid, it took ‘im two hours to watch sixty minutes!" Polly laughed.

    "But Polly-" Clueless prodded.

    "No Clueless, listen. Benny’s so un-dead, that he makes a group of zombies look like the Vienna boys choir!"Polly laughed again. None of the other pirates chuckled, or moved for that matter. "What’s wrong with you guys?" Polly asked.

    Clueless began shaking as he pointed behind Polly.

    "So, just how stupid am I, lobster boy?" Benny glared down at the crafty crustacean from his perch on a tree stump.

    "Oh no..." Polly moaned. "Clueless, why didn’t you warn me?!"

    "Shut up Polly," Benny slipped off the stump. "Give me the keys."

    Polly nodded, he reached into his leather jacket and pulled out all of the keys. "Here ya go boss," Polly dumped the keys out of his claw into Benny’s gray hand.

    Benny closed the keys around his hand. The cold metal hardly phased his cold, dead hand. "Good." Benny pocketed the keys.

    "Um, excuse me, creepy guy," Clueless poked up. "How did you get here without even a car even?"

    Benny turned to face the goat. He bent his spine, lowering his eyes to the level of the goat’s. "Well, wouldn’t you like to know."

    "Yes, that’s why I asked." Clueless nodded.

    Benny stood up straight and shook his head. "Polly?" Benny hissed.

    "Y-Yes, boss?" Polly stammered.

    "Don’t bother coming back to the theater," Benny said.

    "Wh-What?" Polly asked.

    "I’m done with you, all of you." Benny reached down into the thick woodland grass, pulling out the scythe.

    Clueless ducked. "I’m sorry mister Vandergast! Don’t chop my head!"

    Benny rolled his yellow eyes. "Stupid goat..." he muttered.

    Benny jumped atop the stump again, and sliced through the air with the scythe, opening a new dimension, one in which he could travel back to the theater. "Stay away from my theater," Benny hissed to the pirates before disappearing through the rift in the air.

    "Um, Polly," Clueless asked quietly.

    "Y-Yeah Clueless?" Polly continued shaking from fear.

    "What was that thing that just happened?" Clueless asked, dumbfounded.

    "We just got fired! That’s what happened!" Polly shouted.

    "But I don’t feel any warmer." Clueless blinked.

    "No you idiot! We got canned! Kicked! Undone!" Polly yelled.

    "I don’t’ feel any of those things either Polly..."

    "You are a complete moron, ya know that?"

    "No no, I’m completely Clueless, there’s a difference."

    Polly smacked Clueless across the face with his claw. "Shut up dummy! Now we’re stuck in the middle of nowhere with no reason to rhyme!"

    "Oh! Rhyming! I love to rhyme!" Angel Marie said.

    "No stupid!" Polly groaned. "We’ve got nothin’ to do now!"

    "Huh?" Clueless scratched his head.

    "GAH! C’mon, we’re gonna go catch up with dose Muppets and try and get a job..." Polly muttered, making his way back to the motorcycles.


    Uncle Deadly climbed the ladder on the side of the theater with Scooter following close behind. "Watch your step Scooter," Uncle Deadly told the go-fer. "There’s a loose rung."

    Scooter watched his steps carefully, hoping not to fall. "You sure this door’ll be unlocked Uncle D.?"

    "No, I’m not," Deadly stepped onto the roof and helped Scooter up as well.
    "Well then what’ll we do if we can’t get in?" Scooter asked.

    "Simple young man," Deadly reached into his waist coat and pulled out a golden piece of metal wire twisted every which way. "We’ll just have to do a little nit-picking, if you will."

    Scooter smirked. "So that’s how you get into the lighting booth and rewire Cliff’s light..."

    Uncle Deadly smiled. "We phantoms need our little tricks to get by you know."

    "So I’ve heard." Scooter stuck his hands in his green jacket. "Cold." He shivered.

    Deadly nodded. "Indeed."

    The phantom made his way to the door atop the roof. He slipped the piece of wire into the key hole and fiddled around with it. The lock clicked loudly.

    "Brilliant!" Uncle Deadly shouted.

    "It opened?" Scooter shouted.

    "No, I just won the lottery," Uncle Deadly said sarcastically.

    "Really? Oh, well that’s great Uncle Deadly! Now we can finally pay off the mortgage on the theater and-"

    "I was joking you twit!" Deadly shouted.

    Scooter grinned."I know, so was I."

    Deadly smirked. "You’re lucky your uncle owns this theater boy."


    "Yo Skeet, did the door work?" Clifford asked.

    "What do you think?" Skeeter muttered.

    "Well sah-ree man," Clifford rolled his eyes behind his sunglasses.

    "What did you call me?" Skeeter stared at him.

    "Uh... Aw nuts..." Clifford moaned.

    "Yeah, now would be the time to run," Skeeter cracked her knuckles.

    "Uh, Skeet, just calm down babe." Clifford began to back up against the wall.
    "Don’t call me babe," she growled.

    "Yeah, right, um, did you get that necklace I sent you?"

    "Nice try dread locks," Skeeter said. She reached out, and punched him on his nose.

    Suddenly, the backstage door opened. Scooter and Uncle Deadly looked out at Skeeter and the out-cold Clifford. "Uh..."

    "Shut up," Skeeter muttered. She picked Clifford up by his feet and dragged him into the theater.
  2. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Wonderful... Pirates' dialogue funny as ever. Benny, still chilling. But at least our fearless friends arrived at the theater and successfully infiltrated the premisses. Now come on Prawn, post more!
  3. redBoobergurl

    redBoobergurl Well-Known Member

    Yea update!!!! More good stuff too, my favorite part being Scooter, Clifford and Skeeter at the end. I'm actually enjoying the three of them as a team quite a bit, very fun! Would love to say more but I gotta run. Post more soon!
  4. christyb

    christyb Well-Known Member

    Holy Toledo...wait is Toledo holy? Nevermind..anyways...is there any way that I can get your stories emailed to me Prawnie and Lisa?? Twould make catching up easier.
  5. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Chapter 26

    "Es dat him?"

    "No, dat’s a cow."

    "Oh... Es dat him den?"

    "No, dat’s anot’er cow."

    "Dios mio, since when did Gonso become a cow?"

    "He’s not a cow!" Rizzo shouted.

    "Speaking of such," Dr. Teeth said. "Whatever happened to your horse friend my verminous friend?"

    "I told you guys already, he disappeared!" Rizzo glared.

    "Si, just like Ritzo’s mind did jears ago, hokay?" Pepe said.

    Kermit frowned. "Any sign of them Mrs. Bear?" he asked the driver.

    "No, not yet mister lizard!" Emily shouted over the roar of the engine. "I tell ya though, this is some adventure you got goin’ here!"

    "Tell me about it," Kermit sighed.

    "Hey Kermit! Kermit!" Fozzie ran up to the frog.

    "Yes Fozzie, what is it?" Kermit sighed.

    "I have a very, very important question for you, frog of my heart." Fozzie put his hand on Kermit’s shoulder.

    Kermit stared down at Fozzie’s hand. "Fozzie, if this is another joke, I’ll-"

    "You read me like a book, Kermit!" Fozzie grinned.

    "Which book?" Kermit asked.

    "‘Pride and Prejudice’?"


    "‘Herry Putter und zee Gublet ooff Fure-a’?"

    "‘Of Rats and Men’?"

    "‘Mean Girls’, hokay? And trust me, es very true to life."


    "What did you say?!"

    "I have never heard of that book."

    "Like, ‘War Not Peace’, fer sure."

    "Ain’t it ‘War And Peace’ baby?"

    "Like, how can you have war and peace?"

    "I like ‘Winnie-the-Pooh’," Fozzie said. "One of the great bears in literature."

    "One of the only bears in literature," Rowlf smirked.

    "Well I like him too," Robin grinned, clutching Kermit’s hand.

    "Me too," Kermit rubbed his nephew’s head. "What was your question Fozzie?"

    "Oh! My question! Ahh! Yes! My question for you, Kermit, frog of my heart, my boss, my friend, my inspiration, is this..." Fozzie paused.

    "Yes?" Kermit asked.

    "Why do they call it rush hour if nothing moves?" Fozzie asked. "Ahh! Wocka! Wocka!"

    "Fozzie, that was-"

    Kermit stopped, he looked out his window, into the rearview mirror on the driver’s side. He saw a semi truck moving towards them quickly, and a large, furry head sticking out the window, waving it’s large, furry arm. "Mrs. Bear! It’s Sweetums!"

    "No, it’s Mrs. Bear to you lizard," Emily said.

    "In the truck behind us! Sweetums is riding in the truck behind us!" Kermit shouted.

    "Is he wearing his seatbelt?" Fozzie asked.

    "They don’t make big enough seatbelts," Butch said.

    "Isn’t that what you said earlier about Miss Piggy?" Clyde asked the blue monster.


    "Shouldn’t we pull over Uncle Kermit?" Robin asked.

    "Why would we pull over Kermit?" Beauregard asked. "He’s right here, and he’s not even speeding."

    "Certainly not into marriage," Piggy groaned.

    "Certainly not," Kermit replied. "Pull over Mrs. Bear!"

    "You’re not a cop!" Emily shouted.

    "No, but I played one on TV," Bobo announced.

    "No you did not," Rizzo put his arms at his side. "You played a security guard!"

    Bobo shrugged. "Close enough."


    "Okay Uncle Deadly, we’re in," Scooter said. "What do we do now."

    Uncle Deadly rapped his nails on Kermit’s desk. "Honestly, I didn’t think we’d get this far."

    "Oh good grief," Skeeter buried her eyes in her hand.

    "So we have no plan? No nothing?" Scooter asked.

    "Well first," Uncle Deadly said. "I think we should work on reviving Clifford here. Again."

    "Sorry about that... Again." Skeeter blushed.

    "That’s alright," Uncle Deadly said. "I enjoy delivering shock therapy."

    Uncle Deadly cracked his weathered knuckles and placed both of his palms on Clifford’s chest.

    "Heh," Scooter laughed. "This should be fun to watch."

    Skeeter shot her twin a glare. "Go ahead Uncle D.," she told the phantom.
    Deadly nodded. He placed his palms back on Clifford’s chest.

    Suddenly, on the stage, a loud bang was heard, and a rift opened in midair.
    The bang caused Deadly to fire his jolts, more than he meant to, coursing through Clifford’s body.

    "Clifford!" Skeeter shrieked. She ran to Clifford’s side and grabbed his wrist. "His... His pulse!"

    Scooter leapt over to Skeeter, and Deadly walked zombie-like towards the stage. "I know that sound..." he hissed.

    "Scooter there’s no pulse! Clifford has no pulse!"

    The sounds behind Uncle Deadly were meaningless now, all that mattered now was what came out of that rift above the stage. Whatever it was would be the end or a new beginning.
  6. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member

  7. Leyla

    Leyla Well-Known Member


    Gasp! Wow! I didn't see that one coming! And yeesh! What's gotten into Uncle Deadly!

    Awesome chapter Prawnie, really very funny, right up until the end there which I really didn't anticipate at all! LOVED the marriage line, from both parties. Just hysterical.

  8. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    *A hand rises from the audience, covered in darkest black gloves... Prawn... Must... have... more story... Nooooooooow!
  9. Beauregard

    Beauregard Well-Known Member

    A nice new chapter! I loved all the pullover confusions (cashmere is washable), and am EXCITED to know about that HORSE!
  10. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Chapter 27

    "Well, thank you very much sir," Kermit said to the truck driver.

    "Oh, I’m just glad to help," the balding truck driver said. He smiled down at the frog with his clean shaved chin and through his glasses.

    "Thanks again, Dave!" Sweetums growled at the driver.

    "Anytime Sweetums, anytime! Good luck finding your weirdo friend," Dave the truck driver said.

    "Which one?" Kermit asked.

    Dave stared down at the frog. "The weird one."

    Kermit frowned. "How very specific."

    "Anyway, I’ll be seeing you Muppets around. Holler if you need anything truck-driver-based," Dave told them, closing the door.

    The truck started back up and pulled off down the highway. Kermit looked up at Sweetums. "Good to have you back, pal."

    "Good to be back boss!" Sweetums laughed.

    "Well, just climb in through the back of the bus. You know the one, you made it." Kermit began to walk back to the bus pulled over on the side of the road.

    "Sorry ‘bout that, I don’t have very good luck with cars," Sweetums said.

    "I know. My van still doesn’t have a trunk door." Kermit scrunched up his face and climbed back on the bus.

    The back of the bus sunk down with the new ton of weight added to the back of the bus.

    "SWEETUMS!" Robin shouted when the monster got on the bus.

    "Great," Piggy groaned. "The ugliest member of our little troupe has returned."

    "When did she leave?" Johnny asked.

    The entire bus, aside from Kermit and Piggy laughed at the joke.

    "What did you say you pseudo Sinatra?!" Piggy growled.

    "Johnny Fiama said ‘When did she leave’! You gotta problem with it? Ya-ya-BUTT HEAD?!" Sal met Piggy’s nose with his.

    "BUTT HEAD?!" Piggy stormed. "Did you just call me a butt head?!"

    "Yeah, you gonna do something about it, ya-ya-BUTT HEAD?!" Sal shouted again.

    "You bet I’m gonna do something about it! HII-YA!" Piggy chopped. Sal took the chop in the chest and flew into Animal’s drum set.

    "Okay, that’s it, no more mister nice monkey!" Sal darted towards the pig.
    "Bring it on!!" Piggy screamed.

    "Oh it’s already broughten!" Johnny shouted.


    "HIII-YAA!!" Piggy threw a punch.

    Sal took the punch in his face. "C’mon? Is that all ya got?!" Sal dove towards Piggy.

    Kermit looked at Rowlf, who grabbed Robin, who looked at Kermit, who looked at Fozzie, who couldn’t look away from the fight.

    "I’ll handle this, again," Kermit sighed.

    "Take that!" Piggy tossed Sal into Camilla’s seat, sending feathers flying everywhere.

    "Ahh!" Fozzie said. "Looks like Sal is down for the count! Get it? Down! Wocka! Wocka!"

    "I’ll give you the ol’ one two! The ol’ three four! Even the ol’ five six!" Sal got back up and hopped back towards Piggy.

    "This stupid monkey just won’t give up!" Piggy growled.

    "That’s what I hired him for," Johnny examined his cuticles.

    "Take this!" Sal punched, Piggy kicked him. "And that!" Sal kicked, Piggy punched. "And some of this!!" Sal gave a head butt, Piggy kneed.

    "Alright, alright," Kermit walked towards the squabbling pair.

    "As a boneologist, I know all the pressure points! KOWABUNGA!!" Sal dove towards Piggy, Piggy dodged, and grabbed the monkey by his feet. She swung him around and tossed him right into her frog.

    "Oh!" Piggy whined. "Kermie! Moi am so, so sorry!"

    Kermit pushed Sal off of his chest. He stood up and stared Piggy down. "Not this time Piggy." Kermit turned around and marched back to the front of the bus. "Emily, drive."

    The bus began to move, as the motor roared outside, the Muppets were distinctly, and uncharacteristically quiet.

    Miss Piggy stood in the aisle of the bus and stared at her frog. She sniffed, hung her head, and returned to her seat.


    Sharp screeching noises exploded from the rift above the stage floor. Uncle Deadly struck a defensive pose, preparing for whatever may come out.

    Behind the phantom Skeeter’s wails were muffled by the noises from the rift, while Scooter frantically searched for a first aid kit.

    Jolts of electricity fizzled out from the hole, and a cloud of steam covered Deadly’s eyes.

    Deadly tried to see through the clouds, but couldn’t. Suddenly, the noises came to a screeching halt, the electricity fizzled, and a foot hit the stage floor.

    Death or Benny, Deadly didn’t know which it could be, either was likely, one could save him, the other would surely destroy him.

    The smoke filled Deadly’s throat, he began to cough and fell to the floor.

    Finally, the fog cleared from his eyes and throat, Deadly slowly opened his eyelids and was looking right at a pair of black loafers.

    "Who... Who are you?" Uncle Deadly hissed.

    "Uh, well," the man sniffed, peering down at Deadly, pushing his glasses back up his nose. "My name is Daniel, from accounting."

    Deadly tilted his head, he looked up at the man’s vintage suit and hat and nerd-like glasses. "Danny... From... Accounting?" Uncle Deadly asked quietly.

    "Danni-el, Daniel." Daniel corrected him. "Oh! Here, here, let me help you up." Daniel reached out his hand for Uncle Deadly to grasp.

    Uncle Deadly stared at the man. "Thank you," he said, grabbing Daniel’s hand. "May I ask what you’re doing here?"

    "May I ask for assistance?!" Scooter shouted. "Clifford has no pulse!"

    "No pulse?!" Daniel shouted. "Oh my Boss! This is worse than I thought!"

    Uncle Deadly turned and ran backstage, kneeling over the co-host’s body. "What happened?" he asked the twins.

    "You of all people should know!!" Skeeter wailed.

    "Oh dear... Oh dear, oh dear," Daniel fidgeted. "She sends me at the worst possible times!"

    "She?" Deadly asked. "Who are you? What is going on?"

    "What is going on, is someone needs to save my boyfriend!" Skeeter sneered.

    "I think I may be able to help," Daniel stepped forward. "Lift him up on to his feet."

    "But, why-"

    "JUST DO IT!" Skeeter grabbed Clifford’s left arm.

    Uncle Deadly hoisted Clifford up by his right arm with Skeeter’s assistance. Daniel kneeled to Clifford’s height and looked at his closed eyes. "Ma’am?" he said to Skeeter.

    A tear feel from Skeeter’s cheek. "Yeah, what?"

    "Clifford, he’s your boyfriend?" Daniel asked.


    "Then you may want to turn away." Daniel took off his glasses. "Love is life’s greatest achievement," Daniel whispered. He gulped, then kissed Clifford on his big purple lips.

    Skeeter collapsed, Scooter put his hand up to his mouth, and Uncle Deadly grimaced.

    "Mm," Clifford mumbled. "Oh baby, you surely know how to treat me-" he opened his eyes, and stared at the funny face of Daniel, who was definitely not who he thought he was.

    "Y-You’re not Dolores!" Clifford shouted.

    Scooter pulled back in shock. "And neither is Skeeter!"

    Clifford looked around. He blinked. "Where is she?"

    "Knocked out," Daniel said, readjusting his glasses.

    "She always did have nice timing."
  11. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Oh man... Doosie of a chapter. And now the plot thickens as Daniel enters the fray. Sweetums is back with the gang, but still no sign of the weird weirdo they're still missing. And this Dave, a cameo of sorts? The van's missing trunk space, reference to some other colorful crayonesque cross-country trip? Will I stop asking questions? Will you ever answer? Will you ever post more story? Will Skeeter wake up and knock Clifford out again?

    For the snswers to these and other questions... Tune in next time, same Prawn time, same Prawn channel!
  12. Beauregard

    Beauregard Well-Known Member


    Sorry? Did I sound too excited there?


    He's perfectly in character, and oooh so fabulous! He was he last person I was expecting to appear in this story! But...oh so RIGHT!!! Whooooot! *bounces off the walls*

    Did I mention that I've had a LOT of coffee this morning?
  13. redBoobergurl

    redBoobergurl Well-Known Member

    Yea!!! Great chapter! Favorite line? This:
    So funny, I was almost rolling on the floor! The rest of it was good too, especially the appearance of Daniel! Great stuff Prawnie!
  14. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Hey Prawn... Can we get some more story please? Thanks.
    Now, who to nag next...
  15. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Um... Pre-chapter warning here... It gets... Um... How you say... Ushy gushy. So uh, prepare yourselves however you know how.
  16. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Chapter 28

    "Polly, Polly," Clueless shouted to the lobster on the motorcycle in front of him.

    "Yeah, what?" Polly grunted.

    "I don’t see that bus anymore!"

    "WHAT?!" Polly shouted. "How do you lose a bright red school bus?!"

    "Well it could be really good at hide and seek," Clueless blinked.

    "Will you shut up?!" Polly screamed. "Ugh, it’s gettin’ dark anyway, we’ll take a break for the night."

    "Ooh, where’s the nearest Holiday Inn?" Angel Marie asked.

    "We don’t have any money, dumby!" Polly muttered.

    "But Polly, I thought I was your dumby!" Clueless whined.

    "You’re all dumbies!!" Polly screamed.

    "Not yet," Old Tom said. "But I am gettin’ up in age."

    "And besides," Mad Monty said. "No one sees the ventriloquist beneath us anyway!"

    "But if you can’t see them they’re not a ventriloquist."

    "Then who are those guys?"

    "Beats me!"

    "I’m gonna beat ya if ya don’t shut up!" Polly shouted.

    "I still wanna know who those ventriloquists are..."


    "It’s getting dark..." Kermit whispered. He was sitting alone in the bus seat against the window. In the seat opposite him, Robin cuddled in Rowlf’s fur.

    "Still no sign of Gonzo," Rowlf stated.

    "Do you think he’s okay?" Fozzie bit his fingers.

    "I’m sure he’s fine," Rowlf said, looking at Kermit.

    "Sure," Kermit whispered.

    Rowlf and Fozzie looked at each other. Fozzie tapped his mom on the shoulder. "Hey ma, I think you better pull over for the night."

    "But son, I’m making great time!" Emily said.

    "We still don’t even know where we’re going!" Fozzie said.

    "Oh, yeah. Right." Mrs. Bear began to slow the bus down, and signaled into a turn lane, leading to a rest stop.

    "BATHROOM! BATHROOM!" Animal shouted from the back of the bus, almost pulling Floyd’s fingers off with his pull at the chain.

    "Oh boy! A cute little rest stop!" Bean beamed.

    "Perfect spot for tuba practice," Bobo said.

    "NO!" a chorus of Muppet answered.

    "Well fine," Bobo muttered. "Guess you don’t wanna over do it before wake up call tomorrow."

    "Huh?" Zoot sat up from his nap.

    "Nothin’ man, go back to sleep," Dr. Teeth said.

    "Ouh! I cuoold meke-a puncekes tu gu veet zee veke-a up cell!" The Swedish Chef bounced.

    "Great," Piggy groaned. "Then we’d be killed by the sound of the tuba and breakfast!"

    "That’s not the only thing that’s killing us," Kermit mumbled, curling into a ball.

    Fozzie took off his hat. "Kermit?" he said to his best friend.

    "Yes Fozzie?" Kermit sighed.

    "You need to talk to her." Fozzie grabbed Kermit’s arm and pulled him up out of the seat. "You are my best friend, I won’t let you lose something this good."

    Kermit turned and smiled sadly, staring into Fozzie’s eyes. "But Fozzie, she-"

    "So?" Fozzie cut Kermit off. "You’ve gotten through worse. Much worse. Think of all those karate bruises!"

    Kermit rubbed his arm. "But she-"

    "A little monkey mark won’t kill you!" Fozzie said. "Trust me, I know."

    "How do you know that?" Kermit asked.

    "It’s a long story involving a banana peel factory." Fozzie put his hat back on.
    "There’s a factory for banana peels?"

    "Oh yeah, it has great a-peel! Ahh! Wocka! Wocka!"

    Kermit scrunched up his face. "Thanks Fozzie. I think I’ll talk to Piggy now."

    "Great!" Fozzie shouted. "But there’s something we should do first."

    "What’s that?"


    Mrs. Bear parked the bus and opened up the door. A flood of Muppets emptied from the bus, spreading all throughout the rest area.

    Miss Piggy, Kermit, Fozzie, Rowlf, and the sleeping Robin sat left on the bus. "That was close, thanks Fozzie." Kermit dusted himself off.

    "Anytime Kermit," Fozzie dusted Kermit’s back. "I enjoy living up to my best friend title."

    "And you do it tres well Fozzie," Kermit smiled.

    "Oh no," Rowlf moaned. "Not you too!"

    Kermit smirked. He walked out to the aisle of the bus and looked towards Miss Piggy. "Piggy, honey?"

    Piggy’s eyes poked up over the seat. "Yes, Kermie?" she asked softly, and sweetly.

    "We need to talk," Kermit said.

    Piggy shifted her weight, then stood up from her seat. "Oh, we do?" she stood her ground.

    Kermit wasn’t playing around this time. "Yes," he said sternly. "We do."

    Piggy doubled back. "Magnificent," she flipped her hair over her shoulder.

    She walked past Kermit, and Kermit glanced downward. Not now Kermit, not now. This is serious. He thought to himself.

    Kermit followed Miss Piggy off the bus, into the parking lot of the rest area. Behind them the Muppets mingled around the picnic tables, bathrooms and vending machines.

    "You never were one to pick atmospheres well, Kermit." She huffed, folding her arms and turning her back on him.

    Kermit grabbed her shoulders and spun her around, looking her straight in her gorgeous blue eyes. "Why did you do it Piggy? Why do you do it?" he asked calmly, trying to get through to her.

    Piggy opened her mouth, trying to speak. She couldn't. The words wouldn't come to her. Not with Kermit's hands on her shoulders.

    "Just tell me why Piggy," Kermit kept his hands on her broad shoulders. "I just want to know what's going on with you! I just want to know how to help."

    Piggy's face grew stern. "Vous think that just because moi...Just because moi does things, it means I automatically need your help?"

    Kermit’s face mirrored Piggy's, his muscles tightened, never breaking eye contact. "I would like to believe that Piggy. I think you need my help. And I want to help you. Why can't you understand that?"

    "Kermie, moi is a passionate woman! Moi tries to understand! But don't vous see? I'm just too passionate!" she attempted to bluff her way through the fight.

    "Piggy that’s not what this is about, and you know it!" Kermit was growing annoyed with this.

    Piggy pulled her shoulders away from Kermit’s hands. "That’s the problem Kermit!" she decided against calling him "Kermie". "It’s never about passion!"

    Kermit didn’t embrace her. He looked at her, her face revealed her inner thoughts, her entire spirit on the verge of breaking down. "Oh Piggy..." he said softly. "If only I’d known...If you’d have told me-"

    "Told vous?! Moi tells vous every day! Every day moi tells vous how much moi cares! And do vous return the favor? Of course not!" Piggy snapped.

    "Oh yeah you’re real appealing Piggy!" Kermit said angrily. "Every time I do anything- Every time anyone does anything that offends you, you karate chop them into next week! But I tell you here and now Miss Piggy, I am not afraid of you or your fists, forearms or legs anymore!" Kermit’s stern expression grew more stern as his eyes drove right through Piggy’s.

    "Wha- Well- I’ll have you know- Uch! HI-YA!" she threw her arm at him in a chop. Kermit ducked underneath it. "HI-YA!" She kicked, Kermit hopped. "HIIII-YA!!" she punched, Kermit bounced back. "HI-YA!" she attempted one last chop, that Kermit dodged.

    "I told you Piggy. I'm not afraid anymore." Kermit puffed out his chest.

    Piggy puffed her chest out just as far (yet naturally farther). "Oh yeah Ker-mit," she said harshly. "Would vous LIKE something to be afraid of?"

    Kermit's insides did a back flip. He gulped loudly, almost revealing the fear he wasn't supposed to have. "Well Miss Piggy, I'll tell you one thing."

    "Oh? And what is that mon capitan?" she asked grimly.

    Kermit wrapped his arm right around her back, putting his free hand in hers. "I have never been more in love with you than right now." His green lips smashed against hers in an explosion of inter-species love.


    "So, you mean to tell me that you work for the big man upstairs?" Clifford asked Daniel. The group had moved from backstage to the seats in the audience.

    "Big woman actually," Daniel pushed his glasses back up his nose. "But don’t tell her I called her big."

    "Wouldn’t think of it," Clifford took his sunglasses off. "So, why you here dude?"

    Uncle Deadly sat with his chin resting on top of his joined hands. "Yes, do tell. What news do you bear?" Deadly asked.

    "Yeah, and why are you dressed like an ice cream man from ‘Hello Dolly’?" Scooter asked.

    "Well, it’s simple really, it’s my uniform, that and the suspenders really are comfortable." Daniel took his hat off.

    "Moving on," Skeeter rolled her eyes.

    "Oh, yes ma’am," Daniel said. "I’m here with news of Death."

    "What? Who’s dyin’ man?" Clifford asked.

    "No no," Daniel shook his head. "No one’s dying. I’m talking about Death the omniscient being."

    Clifford, Skeeter and Scooter exchanged glances. Uncle Deadly rose his head up. "Elaborate," Deadly hissed.

    "Gladly," Daniel said. "The Boss, you see, she recalled Death because of this whole Benny Vandergast mess. She had to question him and get things straight before she could let him continue his work."

    "And what does any of this have to do with any of us?" Clifford asked.

    "Everything," Daniel said. "With Death gone, Benny overran things here, so you guys were basically helpless. That’s why I’m here."

    "You were sent to help us deal with Vandergast," Scooter said.

    "More or less." Daniel nodded.

    "But what can you do?" Skeeter grimaced.

    "You’d be surprised." Daniel smirked. "Remember that incident with Clifford?"

    Clifford spat, "Don’t remind me."

    Uncle Deadly stood up and moved towards Daniel. "What should we do?"

    Daniel looked the phantom in his beady yellow eyes. "Well, first, you should stop staring at me like that. I scare easily."
  17. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Yeah... And we need more story that much more easily as well. Come on Ryan... Things at the theater are gettin' good, keep it comin'!
  18. Beauregard

    Beauregard Well-Known Member

    *laughs!* Like, it's supposed to be a compliment? *sniggers* Oh I do love Clueless.

    By the way...the whole ventriloquist bit totally threw me, becuase I am so think that it took me four attempts to figure out 'Dummies' 'ventriloquists.' I still laughed though. I always get a kick out of fourth-wall breakage.

    Poor poor people with that guy as their leader...

    Bean, sit here a moment and let me explain why reststops are NOT cute...

    Ooooh! Two things: One, I'd almost forgotten about the tuba, nice bringing it back up. And two, Bean and Bobo together! Eee!

    Nice to see he has a line here and there :p

    Piggy here, is perfect.

    Awww! He is so sweet! Plus, he takes off his hat when he has something VERY special or important to say. Like a warning sign.

    *blink* Ahaahah! *blink*

    Magnificent...she really is, isn't she...

    I...I er can't help wondering...


    *hugs him*

    *holds in a giggle so as not to break the moment*

    Mmmmm! Have I told you how much I loved that little discription there?

    Like she isn't watching this :p - But I just love Daniel here! You have him so perfecty. All nervious, but certain of what he is here to do.


    *fidns that unbelievably FAN-TAST-I-MONT becuase I never imagined Death as working for...the boss. It's perfect.

    *laughs!* Poor Daniel! He gets no luck!
  19. redBoobergurl

    redBoobergurl Well-Known Member

    Great stuff Prawnie! I LOVED the scene with Kermit and Piggy. It was so heated and then you end it with this passionate kiss, wow. Great stuff. Looking forward to more!
  20. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Chapter 29

    The bus awoke to the blaring and off key sound of Bobo’s tuba, and Bean’s coffee and cute induced "Beanercize" routine.

    That was at five in the morning.

    It was now nearing lunch time. And, of course, the Muppets were taking notice.

    "Did you see Kermit out d’ere wit’ Piggy?" Rizzo whispered to Pepe.

    "Si, si, I knew it was going to happen eventually, hokay?" Pepe munched a potato chip.

    "Where’d you get d’ose?" Rizzo asked.

    "Picked d’em up at de rest stop, hokay?" Pepe ate another.

    "Give me some," Rizzo said, reaching towards the bag.

    Pepe pulled the bag away. "Hey, watch jour hands! D’ese are my ‘tato chips, hokay?"

    "Aw, c’mon, just one, I’m starvin’!" Rizzo begged.

    "No way! D’ey’re mine!" Pepe cuddled his bag of chips protectively.

    "Hey Pepe," Sal poked his head up to the prawn. "Mind if I have a potato chip?"

    "Oh, si, sure, here jou go monkey man." Pepe handed Sal a chip.

    "Thanks." Sal scarfed down the chip and returned to his seat.

    "The monkey gets the chip?!" Rizzo shouted.

    "Si, de monkey gets de chip."

    Kermit sat in the front seat behind Mrs. Bear at the wheel with Miss Piggy wrapped around his arm (and, coincidentally, his little finger). Rowlf and Robin sat in the seat across from them, anxiously peering out the window.

    "Uncle Kermit, are you sure we’ll find Gonzo?" Robin asked his uncle.

    Kermit peered around Piggy. "I’m sure Robin, everything will be fine. Don’t worry."

    "If you say so Uncle Kermit," Robin nodded.

    Rowlf looked back at the rest of the Muppets. "I think we’re gonna need to feed the meter soon, Kermit," Rowlf said.

    "You’ll need to feed the bear too!" Fozzie said from behind Kermit’s seat.
    "We’re not gonna stop until we find Gonzo," Kermit said firmly.

    "Oh, Kermie," Piggy nuzzled her head onto his shoulder. "That reminds moi of such a delightful song, do vous know which one? Hmm?"

    "I do!" Robin perked up.

    "Me too," Rowlf smiled, as always.

    "I’m sure we all do," Kermit grinned. "Most of us were there."

    "If that ain’t a song cue," Floyd shouted. "I don’t know what is!"

    "Two, three, four!" Dr. Teeth counted off as the band began to play.

    "When the curtain goes up
    And we hear the applause," Floyd jammed.

    "It’s the moment we’ve lived for
    And you were the cause," Janice continued.

    "We’re gonna keep on singin’
    If you keep bringin’
    Your laughter and mayhem
    Wahoos and guffaws," The Electric Mayhem sang.

    "‘Cause we’re not gonna stop
    ‘Til we get to the top," Fozzie sang in the aisle of the bus, leading the other Muppets.

    "With a stomp and a shuffle
    A skip and a hop," Robin sang along.

    "‘Cause wherever we are
    And wherever we go
    We’re ready to rock
    And we’re ready to roll," Rowlf joined in.

    "So raise the curtains
    And light the lights
    ," all the Muppets on the bus sang.
    "It’s for certain
    The time is right

    "It works together
    It works apart
    It goes without sayin’
    That it comes from the heart."

    "So raise an eyebrow
    An lift an ear," Rizzo and Pepe sang.

    "We caught ya smilin’
    We hear ya cheer," Butch and Clyde harmonized.

    "‘Cause it’s the sound that we adore
    When you’re shouting
    More, more

    "And wheeeen the camera’s flashing
    I will pose a doz-en pos-es
    And wheeeen my song is over
    I’ll receive a doz-en ros-es!" Miss Piggy broke away from Kermit’s grasp to make her solo.

    "We’re so glad that you’re here
    We can tell you we know
    ‘Cause we hold you so dearly
    Yes, you that we love," Kermit grinned.

    "As long as we’re in show-biz," Johnny sang.

    "Then all we know is-" Sal started.

    "We’ll give you our best stuff!" Johnny sang again. "Watch it Sal, you’re takin’ my lines."

    "And we’re not gonna stop
    ‘Til we get to the top," Bobo chimed in.

    "With a stomp and a shuffle
    A skip and a hop!" Bean bounced.

    "‘Cause wherever we are
    And wherever we go
    We’re takin’ the stage
    And stealin’ the show," Kermit, Fozzie, and Miss Piggy sang together.

    "So raise the curtains
    And light the lights
    ," Beauregard sang.

    "It’s for certain
    The time is right," Sam bellowed.

    "You sure the time ain’t left man?" Zoot asked.

    "It works together
    It works apart," Bunsen sang, while Beaker meeped along.

    "It goes without sayin’
    That it comes from the heart," Sweetums bellowed.

    "So raise an eyebrow
    And lift an ear
    We gotcha smilin’
    We hear ya cheer," Kermit and Robin harmonized.

    "‘Cause it’s the sound that we adore
    When you’re shouting
    More, more, more, more
    Mooooooore!!" all of the Muppets finished the song by laughing and nodding.
    "Oh, I tell ya," Mrs. Bear sighed. "All that singin’ sure got me hungry! Who’s up for some lunch?"

    The entire bus agreed with her, all but Kermit, who had to put his voice in as the ever-present voice of reason. "I think you’re forgetting about a certain weirdo stuck on the middle of Route 13!" Kermit frowned.

    Camilla began to cluck uproariously. "Brawk bawk bawk brawk, bragawk!!" she demanded.

    "We’ll find him Camilla, we’ll find him," Hilda reassured her.

    "Yeah, but only if we’re clucky! Ahh! Wocka! Wocka!"


    "Everyone understand?" Daniel asked cautiously.

    Uncle Deadly, Clifford, Scooter, and Skeeter nodded. "Ready and waitin’ man," Clifford said.

    "That’s all we have to do now," Daniel said. "Wait, for Benny to arrive."

    Deadly rapped his nails on the seat next to him. "Do we know when that will be?" Deadly asked softly, already knowing the answer.

    Daniel shook his head. "There’s no way to know. Not when he has the scythe. With the scythe, anything can happen."

    "And anything will happen," Deadly said. "We have to be ready for that."

    "How can we be ready for that?" Skeeter asked.

    The group sat silent in the theater. Scooter looked around at their faces, each of them staring down at their own feet. "Hey," he spoke up. "We can do this."

    Everyone stared at him, their eyes looking right into his.

    "Scooter’s right, we got this! There ain’t nothin’ to worry about!" Clifford said.

    "Well, there’s a lot to worry about actually," Daniel straightened his glasses. "Such as the scythe, Benny’s un-dead human form, his-" Skeeter cut Daniel off by stomping on his foot. "YEEOW!" he cried, grabbing his foot.

    "That’s for putting a damper on our spirits," Skeeter said. "Now, shall we take our positions?"

    "Of course!" the four men shouted, fearing for their feet.


    The cloaked figure sat on the puce colored couch in the middle of a babbling brook. He observed his surroundings, to his right was a large bush. He extended his bony hand out and touched the bush. Suddenly, a large amount of hot, brown liquid squirted from the bush, covering the archangel.

    "Careful," a black woman in a long white robe told Death.

    "YOUR BUSH ATTACKED ME WITH COFFEE," Death tried wiping himself off.

    "First of all, it’s a shrub, my shrub attacked you with coffee. Second, you deserved it." The woman plopped down on the couch next to Death, sending her many hair braids bouncing.

    Death sighed. "I KNOW. I’VE MADE A HUGE MISTAKE."

    The woman reached on the ground at her feet and pulled up a large remote control. "Nothing that can’t be fixed." She fiddled with the remote. "I don’t suppose you know how to work this thing?"


    The woman muttered, pressing a random selection of buttons, sending a flying television in all such directions over her head.

    "CAN WE TALK ABOUT ME RETURNING TO EARTH?" Death finally asked.
    The woman stared at him. "Not yet, Spongebob’s on."


    "Hey, who’s the boss?" the Boss asked.


    "Cute," the Boss said. "Cute joke."

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