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Muppet Fan-Fic: Don't Trip the Driver

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by theprawncracker, Oct 23, 2006.

  1. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member

    ...<manages to close mouth, which has been hanging open for a few minutes, ever since reading those last few lines> ...And THAT'S how you leave me to do HOMEWORK?????

    Oy gevolt, oy vey... Prawnie, Prawnie, Prawnie...

  2. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Okay, so, you know I love you all right? Well... here's how much...
  3. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Chapter 38

    "Clifford! What happened to the lights!"

    "They turned back on!"

    "Well, what did you press?"


    "Then why did the lights go on?"

    Silence lingered.


    "He he he! Don’t look at me!"

    Clifford looked down on the stage. "Well, what then?"

    "You tell me," Skeeter said. "You’re the co-host." She leaned against the light controls.

    "Yeah well, you’re datin’ the co-host." Clifford smirked.

    Skeeter twiddled with his dangling beard. "Mm, I am," she mumbled.

    Crazy Harry cocked his head to the side. "Ushy gushy," he sighed.

    "Yeah, babe, you are." Clifford leaned in closer to her face.

    Skeeter wrapped her hand around his beard, tightly, and yanked down.

    "YEOW!" Clifford yelped. "What was that for?!"

    "For assuming that I’m dating you." Skeeter let go of his beard and crossed her arms.

    Clifford stared at her through his sunglasses. "Ya mean... you’re not?" He caressed his chin.

    "I don’t know," Skeeter said. "These are confusing times."

    Clifford turned and looked at Crazy Harry, who was staring on. "Women..." Clifford whispered to Harry.

    "He he he!" Crazy Harry laughed.

    Clifford shook his head. "What is that guy doin’ down there?"


    "Man, Dr. Teeth, I think we rocked too hard!" Floyd shouted over the loud roar that was emitting from the stage.

    "Like, we have got to get the decibels checked on Animal’s speakers," Janice said.

    "DOOMED! DOOMED!" Animal shouted.

    Kermit sat himself up on his elbows, watching a swirling vortex ensue over Benny’s head. The Boss nonchalantly flipped through a newspaper. "...Phillies won," she muttered.

    Death pounded on the force field surrounding Benny. "STOP THIS! YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT SORT OF POWER YOU’RE UNLEASHING!"

    "Believe me, I do!" Benny sneered. "The power to end you all!"



    Death jumped back and pointed a single, bony index finger directly into the air. From the atmosphere directly above Benny came a pillar of black fire, surrounding Benny’s force field.

    The swirling flames completely enveloped Benny inside as countless Muppets stared on.

    Pepe stood with his mouth hanging open next to Bobo and Bean. "...D’at’s hot, hokay?"

    Gonzo looked up on the stage as he held a wet rag over Uncle Deadly’s forehead ("He’s one lucky phantom! Most Muppets don’t have foreheads!"). Uncle Deadly slowly lifted his own head to see the flames.

    Miss Piggy wrapped a gloved hand around Kermit’s neck and pulled him close, squeezing him against her. Kermit grabbed at her arms helplessly. "Piggy," he choked out. "It’s hot enough in here as is!"

    The heat didn’t last.

    Even though Piggy held on to Kermit with a vice-grip, the flames were instantly blown away by a single, forceful push from Benny. "It’s not gonna be that easy, Death!" Benny declared. "I’ve avoided you for too long to lose to you now!"

    Just as things looked bleak, a shining blue hero emerged from backstage. Unfortunately, that hero had a lengthy speech prepared describing the lack of morals involved in destroying a theater.

    Sam’s entrance didn’t turn the heads of anyone on the stage or in the theater, all eyes were on the vortex coming out of the scythe.

    "Excuse me," Sam tapped on the force field. "But it seems that you have forgotten to analyze the distinct morals involved in this situation here. It has occurred to me that there is absolutely nothing even remotely resembling a moral here in this situation! I think that it would be wise of everyone to-"

    Sam was cut off. Benny pushed him away, sending the eagle flying for the first time in his life. Sam’s newfound air travel sent him colliding with a rack of clothes. When the patriotic bird stepped out he was dressed as a French man, complete with red and white striped shirt. "...This is the most degrading day of my life."

    Fozzie took charge of things backstage. "Okay, okay, calm down everybody! Calm down! It’s gonna be okay! It’ll all be okay!" Fozzie soon realized he was talking to a room of completely under-control Muppets. "Oh... well this is different."

    "What’s the plan son?" Mrs. Bear asked.

    "Yeah, we’re ready to fight! We’re ready to hit! Lemme at ‘im! LEMME AT ‘IM!" Sal lashed forward, swinging his arms.

    "Calm down, Sal," Johnny said blankly.

    "Johnny Fiama wants me to calm down!"

    "Does anyone have a real plan?"

    "Mee mo mee mo!"

    "Well, the rats are still in the kitchen."

    "Rets?! In my keetchee?! Nut fur mooch lunger!"

    "Oh boy..."

    "Which boy? Most of us are boys."

    "Which is why this place is such a pig-sty!"

    "But the pig’s a girl!"

    "One of them!"

    "One of them what?"

    "One of these things is not like the other?"

    Sweetums looked around amidst the chaos for a small, dark green frog. "Has anybody seen Robin?"


    Robin slowly hopped across the stage.

    His uncle watched him as he moved, slowly, but surely, determination deep inside his eyes.

    "Robin..." Kermit croaked softly.

    Robin stood, feet firm, directly in front of Benny Vandergast. He looked up at the cackling face of the gray man, the strands of hair flying every which way. This was the most intimidating figure Robin had ever laid eyes on.

    But, as Sweetums proved, intimidation wasn’t everything.

    His small green finger slowly reached for the force field.
  4. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    And this is what you leave us to go to sleep with?!? Robbbbbiiiiiiiiinnn!
    Nice little backstage moments, both with Crazy Harry at the lights and the fleeting non-chaos under Fozzie's command.
    Benny's getting far too much out of control, somebody's got to stop him... But why Robin? Nooo! Not Robbiiiiiin!

    Prawn! You get back here and post more! Soonerishkibbible!
  5. redBoobergurl

    redBoobergurl Well-Known Member

    Ahhhhh!!!! There was like three chapters I hadn't read! But I read them now! And I loved them! But Robin....Benny....oh my!
  6. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    *Bummed at the thought of no updates this weekend while Prawny's away at that college basketball tournie.
    Oh well... So long screwy, see you in St. Louie.
  7. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    *smirk* Thanks Ed... :p But, no worries, look for an update either late Sunday night or sometime Monday! :D
  8. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Hmmm... Late Sunday or next Monday... And just how is tat different from no updates till you get back after this weekend's ovr?
  9. Java

    Java Well-Known Member

    Hey Prawny! I have just caught up and finished reading what you have here of this wonderful story. And now the suspense is killing me! I hope you have fun this weekend though and I look forward to more of this tale when you get back.
  10. Beauregard

    Beauregard Well-Known Member

    Prawn of Crackers, sorry it took me SOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooo long to catch up. I owe you a three-chapter review...stay tuned (and/or hold your breath...please don't die)...for that. :p
  11. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Chapter 39

    The theater doors swung open again, letting in the breeze. "Sorry, we got lost," Polly said as he and the other pirates filed into the building.

    "Hey, Polly," Clueless said, squinting at the stage. "Isn’t that Benny up there on stage?"

    "Benny’s a star before we are?!" Angel Marie yelped.

    "Nah, can’t be," Polly said.

    "Wait... isn’t that the little frog up there with him?" Old Tom looked through his spectacles. "My eyes ain’t what they used to be ya know..."

    "Roland? Why would he be up on stage?" Polly asked.

    "Same reason Benny is, probably."

    "Benny isn’t on stage!"

    "Sure he is! Right there!"

    Polly grumbled. "Alright, fine, I’ll prove to ya that that isn’t Benny on stage!" Polly began to walk down the aisle towards the swirling vortex on stage. None of the other pirates followed him. "Whatcha waitin’ for? Aren’t ya comin’?"

    "Coming towards the swirling vortex of doom?!" Angel Marie pointed with a shaking finger.

    "Come on, ya buncha yellow bellies!" Polly shouted.

    "But Polly, my belly isn’t yellow," Clueless said.

    "Neither is mine!"

    "Mine’s green-yellow, does that count?"

    Polly groaned. "Just c’mon!"

    Daniel shook his head and turned away from the pirates. "I can’t believe there are more of these Muppets..."

    "Neither can I. They never end, I swear." J.P. sat up in his seat.

    "Yeah, I know what you mean J.P." Daniel nodded. He was jolted with realization and turned back to J.P. Grosse. "J.P.?! You-You’re-"

    "Conscious?" J.P. asked, popping a cigar in his mouth.

    "Well... yeah! Smoking kills, you know." Daniel fiddled with his glasses.

    "Yeah well, so does Benny." J.P. puffed. "I figure this isn’t nearly as bad as what he could do to my body."

    Daniel gulped. "Point taken..." The two of them stared up at the stage where a small, dark green frog peered inward on Benny Vandergast and his force-field.

    Robin held his finger directly in front of the shield that was protecting Benny from Death, both literally and... literally.

    Robin took a deep breath, and pushed his finger forward.

    "Uncle Ker-"

    Robin’s voice was caught, caught between Benny Vandergast’s cold, gray hand. "You really are your uncle’s nephew, aren’t you?" Benny put his face right up to Robin’s now quivering snout.

    "Robin!" Kermit shot to his feet.

    "Uncle Kermit! The force-field doesn’t stop Mu-" Robin started to shout to his uncle, but Benny tightened his grip on the young frog before he could speak the rest of the sentence.

    "Mu-" Kermit muttered, millions of things running through his mind at once. "Muppets! The force-field doesn’t stop Muppets!"

    Kermit reached down and pulled Piggy to her feet, dragging her with him as he charged towards Benny. He tossed his beloved in Benny’s direction, sending her straight through the force-field, and directly into Benny.

    Benny’s hand fell open and Robin crawled away from his grasp, running to Fozzie’s arms.

    Kermit gulped, he didn’t know who was angrier, Piggy or Benny. Benny’s firm grasp never ceased holding onto the scythe, and Piggy’s firm fist never unclenched.

    Benny threw the pig off of him, and hoisted himself up. "Now," Benny said, his voice no-longer resembling itself. "I’m angry." He aimed the scythe directly at Kermit, sparks seething from the tip, preparing to fire.

    "Geez, Louise!" Rizzo screamed as he ran across the stage.

    "Who the heck is Louise?" another rat asked, running across with a large group of rats.

    "One of the chickens, I think," Rizzo shouted.

    Feathers flew as the collective group of molting chickens darted across the stage, followed quickly by and uproarious group of penguins. "The end is near!" one of the penguins shouted.

    "Indeed," Benny sneered.

    "Ya vern de spoor de me kitchee unt me chickees!" The Swedish Chef screamed as he collided with Benny, carrying his blunderbuss.

    Benny’s scythe misfired into the air. "Now Gonzo!" Kermit shouted.

    A cannon shot. Gonzo found himself flying through the air carrying a large mirror from Miss Piggy’s vanity. The fire ball from the scythe collided with the glass, propelling Gonzo backwards, directly into the lighting booth, and the fire ball forward, directly into Benny.

    The force of the flames knocked the scythe right from Benny’s grasp. Kermit dove for it, but lost to a purple gloved hand.

    "Sorry Kermie," Piggy twirled the scythe in her hands. "She who holds the scythe holds the power you know." Here eyes twinkled.

    "Piggy, please," Kermit frowned. He held out his hand, beckoning her to give him the blade.

    "Oh, fine," she said, reluctantly handing it over.

    Kermit gulped, and walked the scythe over to Death. "I- I believe this belongs to you," he said.

    Death slowly took the scythe back from Kermit’s green hands. The archangel felt every bone of his skeletal form surge with limitless power. "MUCH BETTER." He twirled the scythe around his hand, then slammed it on the stage, making Kermit jump. "THANK YOU FROG."

    "It’s not over yet," Kermit told him sternly. "Finish it, please."


    Uncle Deadly appeared at Death’s side, limping. "Not without me, you don’t," Uncle Deadly smirked.

    "I WOULDN’T DREAM OF IT MY FRIEND." Death put his arm around Uncle Deadly’s back.

    Benny sat up against the back wall, watching Death and Deadly head towards him. He turned his head, looking backstage at the endless group of Muppets staring at him with fear in their eyes. Behind Death and Deadly Kermit held Miss Piggy in his arms, and she held him right back, both of their eyes drilled through him as well. All eyes were on him, and he knew it. In the band pit, The Electric Mayhem, the seats behind, Daniel, J.P., Polly and the pirates, the controls booth, Gonzo, Clifford, Crazy Harry, and Skeeter. All but one pair of eyes were glued on Benny. Those one eyes, the one pair that were not were his. His eyes.

    The eyes closed and Benny Vandergast stopped.

    Death stood in front ob Benny and let out a much-needed sigh. "IT IS DONE."

    The Boss looked up for the first time since she’d been there. "Oh, it is? Well, it’s about time." She stood up, and pushed out the creases in her robe. "Who’s up for pizza?"

    "Pizza!" Animal chanted. "Pizza! Pizza!"


    The Muppet Boarding House was once again full of its recurring rampaging ruckus, this time with a little more as The Boss, Death, Daniel, Uncle Deadly, the pirates, and J.P. Grosse joined in on the bash.

    "We ordered those pizzas an hour ago," Gonzo said. "Where do you think they are?"

    Kermit was comfily perched on the couch with his arms intertwined with Piggy’s to his right, and Fozzie with Robin in his lap to his left. "Well Gonzo," Kermit said. "We did order over a hundred pizzas-"

    "Yeah, and dat’s just for me!" Rizzo shouted.

    Kermit shook his head. "And they probably had to go buy the peanut butter and marshmallow creme for your ‘peanut butter, anchovy, bluegill, and marshmallow creme’ pizza."

    "Good point," Gonzo laughed.

    Skeeter and Clifford sat next to each other with their backs to the coffee table in the living room. "So, Skeet, we okay?"

    "We are okay, yes." Skeeter kissed him on the cheek.

    Clifford grinned. "Baby, no body pecks like you do."

    "I beg to differ," Scooter said. "Camilla?" He pointed the chicken in Clifford’s direction, who pecked him in a flurry of feathers.

    Skeeter giggled as Clifford sat up with muddled dread-locks. "Ha ha, very funny," he muttered.

    "Hey, Ritzo," Pepe called to the rat.

    "Yeah, what?" Rizzo asked.

    "Did we place de moneys on whether dat horse of jours was real or not?" Pepe asked.

    Rizzo tilted his head. "Uh, no, I don’t t’ink so. Why?"

    Pepe laughed. "Uh, no reason, hokay? Just checking, jou know. Making sure we’re even." The prawn ran off into the kitchen.

    "Hey! Hey! Come back here! We did, didn’t we!" Rizzo chased after him.

    Bobo came wobbling down the stairs with his tuba around his broad bear shoulders. "Who’s up for some dinner music?"

    "MU-SIC! MU-SIC!" Animal gave chase to Bobo, who ran back up the stairs.

    Emily Bear sat in a rocking chair, knitting. "Ah, I tell ya, I’ll never forget this trip we had, oo-whee, what an adventure."

    "You can say that again!" Lew Zealand said.

    "Oo-whee," Sam said, emotionless. "What an adventure."

    "Aw, c’mon Sam," Sal said. "You had fun! You even got to change a tire!"

    Clyde poked his head between Miss Piggy and Kermit’s heads. "Um, hi, sorry to interrupt but- Whoa!" Butch yanked Clyde back by his necktie, replacing Clyde’s head with his own.

    "Hey there, Kermit, your first payment’s due today!" Butch said.

    "Payment?" Kermit asked.

    "Yup," Clyde put his head on the other side of Kermit. "For our services as travel agents!"

    "But, you didn’t do anything!" Kermit said.

    "That’s a matter of opinion, my dear frog," Butch smirked.

    Kermit scrunched up his face. "Talk to J.P."

    "So, uh, we’re part of the family now, right?" Polly asked Rowlf.

    "I s’pose." Rowlf nodded. "I apologize in advance for the cooking though."

    As the Muppets continued to romp around their house, Uncle Deadly sat down in the dark hallway with Death. "My feet hurt," Uncle Deadly said.

    Death chuckled. "THEY HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO."

    "Actually, it’s my left." Deadly smirked.


    "Don’t count on it," Uncle Deadly said.

    Death stared at the phantom. "HOW DO YOU MEAN?"

    "Well, you did vote to be friends with the Muppets, did you not?"


    An explosion of orange goop flew out of the kitchen doors splattering the goop, and Bean Bunny and various penguins all over the hallway.

    "That’s one big mistake that always needs cleaning up." Uncle Deadly smiled.
    Death nodded. "I’LL GET THE BROOM."

    "Hey, green stuff!" Floyd shouted at Kermit. "What we gonna do, now that we’re back home?"

    Kermit smiled. He looked from Piggy, to Fozzie, to Robin, to Gonzo, to Rowlf, to Clifford, to Scooter, to J.P. Grosse. "Well, there’s only so many things we Muppets can do well."

    "Some of us more so than others," Piggy mumbled.

    Kermit smirked. "And one of those things is put on a show." Each Muppet in the crowd had matching grins. "So, why not stick with what works?"

    The house exploded with cheering. Which may have been why the pizza man dropped the pizza boxes on the doorsteps and ran for the hills.

    That, or the fact that The Boss used her so-called "missing in action" divine-intervention to make the pizza man’s mother in-law appear in the window of the Boarding House.

    All in a night’s work.
  12. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<TOTAL UTTER ABSOLUTE COMPLETE GLOMPAGE!>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    Prawnie, this chapter ROCKS! The alliterations, the funny, the BOSS! Piggy, Kermit, ROOOOOOBIIIIIIIIIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (And speaking of Robin- EEEEEEEE!) And just- just- every last everything! The whole... friendship-with-Muppets-always-needs-cleaning-up and the broom! THE BOSS! Oh wait I said her already. Oh well- THE BOSS! AND ROBIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I know I said Robin, but you can't mention Robin enough.) ROBIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And yellow-belly! And BYE-BYE-BENNY! Oh, the MIRROR! And ROBIN!!!!!!!!!! And Piggy and Muppets and THIS IS FANTASTICABULOUS I LOVE MY HALF AND MORE PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!
  13. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Yaey!! I hug this chapter and everything hat goes with it. Loved how Death claimed his prey, after Benny simply gave in and closed his eyes. Was a bit afraid when he grabbed Roland is it?
    The merriment at the MBH... Classic.

    Oh, and to echo your half... More please!
    Is there more anyway? Or was this the end?
    Please, remember to send me a full copy of the story with all the fixed little errors and typos and stuff. Thanks in advance.
  14. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Don't worry Ed, there's one last chapter to close it all up, promise. Hopefully tomorrow. :D :halo:
  15. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Good... I'll hexpect it. If not, then I might just send Uncle Deadly along with a retelling of the thoughts I had earlier today after waking up to spook you into a hastened writing/posting state to complete this wonderful story.
  16. redBoobergurl

    redBoobergurl Well-Known Member

    I think your half just about covered it, but oh how I loved this chapter! I liked the line about "Smoking will kill you" and then "yeah, so does Benny" That was so funny! And then ending with the simple "all in a nights work" Loving it, must have more!
  17. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Agreed! *Crawls out of tomb to rattle Prawny into posting more. *Hand emerges from the ditch... Must... Have... More of Don't Trip...
  18. Fragglemuppet

    Fragglemuppet Well-Known Member

    Really, there's more to this? I would have said this was it. I absolutely loved this last seen! So warm and cosy! Benny's defete was chilling. After all Ed, what else could he do? Death did have the sithe.

    More please!
  19. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Hey, you'll get no argument from me on that one Kate. There are some who say death is merely a step on the path to something greater, but I don't want to give Prawny any ideas...
    And he said here or in the dorms there was one more chapter, or maybe both places. You should rully stop by there sometime Kate, we have so many parties lined up this month and I think your roomies are lonely without you.

    So... When can we get more of this story? Huh Prawn? Nag, nag, nag...
  20. Fragglemuppet

    Fragglemuppet Well-Known Member

    Actually, he said it right here this morning. I do believe, looking at his and your posts, that you were ziffled.

    The dorms? Parties? Well, things in my classes are a bit rough, just started school up again in January,

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