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Muppet Fan-Fic: Don't Trip the Driver

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by theprawncracker, Oct 23, 2006.

  1. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member

    PRAWNIE YOU WILL BE THOROUGHLY SQUEED AT TOMORROW when I'm actually online... <shifty eyes> Because I'm not really here. I'm making dinner and doing homework and getting ready for Hebrew School, naturally. This is only a phantom of myself, um- it's Vim! Yeah! This is Vim, just here to fortell your future! <Ahem> And now I must go. Fare thee well!
  2. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Hey VIM... While you're out and about, tell that girly of yours we need more fanfiction from her, already posted some nagging comments, she needs to update her own stories.

    Now then Ryan... If you please, some more of this delightful story. And if you don't please...
    Well, let's just say you'd better please or Uncle Deadly will have a bone to pick from you after I'm done.
  3. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Chapter 5

    Scooter’s eyes picked up bits of light as the blinked open after his sleep in a chair tied up with his uncle. When his eyes finally opened all the way, he saw Benny Vandergast staring directly at him. Scooter sighed, it hadn’t just been a nightmare.

    "Good morning boys," Benny said, standing up from the chair he was in. "Care for a bagel? Cup of coffee, glass of juice?"

    Scooter glared at the man tormenting him and his uncle. "Oh why sure," Scooter heard his uncle say. "I take my coffee with three creamers and four lumps of sugar. You see Scooter?" J.P. whispered to his nephew. "I told you Benny wasn’t all bad, isn’t that right Benny?"

    Benny walked around to look at J.P., he stared into J.P.’s eyes almost fully covered by his big, bushy eyebrow. Benny’s eyes drilled into J.P. like a jackhammer. "J.P. Grosse, my old friend," Benny finally said. "My friend who stole my theater from me, who lost me my fortune, who ruined my life!"
    "Benny, I thought you were dead!"

    "Well maybe you should’ve checked a little harder!" Benny screamed in J.P.’s face.

    J.P. and Scooter were silenced, they held their breath until Benny moved again. He rubbed his temples and took a deep breath. "I can’t do this right now," he said simply, leaving the room, closing the door behind him.

    Scooter waited a few seconds to speak. "Uncle J.P., what...What happened between the two of you?"

    J.P. sighed. "I knew this would come up, I just knew it would happen someday. Why didn’t I do anything?"

    Scooter wished he could put a comforting arm on his uncle’s shoulder, as he silently cursed his binding ropes. "You can tell me uncle, I won’t feel cross towards you either way."

    J.P. sighed, "But you should my dear nephew you really, really should."


    "I’m sorry you had to find out like this Mr. Grosse."

    "Hm? Oh yes, yes, send the family a bundle of flowers, and get me the current status of this movie house I’ve inherited."

    "It’s a theater Mr. Grosse sir, like a play house."

    "Yes, yes, we’ll put padding on the floors so the kids don’t hit their heads, we can’t deal with another lawsuit. Now thank you miss Tracy, I’ll take a coffee, three creamers and four lumps of sugar."

    The secretary left the office of her boss J.P. Grosse, who sat at his desk looking over documents from a high school named for him that he was preparing to make a quick appearance at, unless he had to make down payments on this new theater. I’m sure Scooter and the school media will understand. He thought to himself.

    This was how J.P. mourned the news of his best friend’s death.

    A shadow behind him moved around his desk and appeared in the chair in front of the desk. "It’s good to see the news of my untimely passing hasn’t phased you too much my dear friend."

    J.P. sat straight up in a jolt. He looked all around the empty office for the source of the voice. "Who’s there? Come out I say!"

    In the chair in front of him the slender figure of a man appeared. The man’s eyes were pale gray, as was the tone of his skin and hair, he had the look of death upon him. "I wasn’t hiding J.P."

    "Who are you? How do you know my name? ...You don’t have my bank account number too do you?"

    "You twit, don’t you recognize your best friend?" the pale gray man asked.
    J.P. dropped the cigar he was holding in between his two fingers. "...Benny?" J.P. whispered.

    "Oh good you recognize me."

    "B-But you’re supposed to be on vacation!"

    Benny’s eyes flared, they changed from pale gray to fiery red. "You no-nothing moron! I’m supposed to be dead!"

    "Well flattering will get you nowhere my friend, you should know that." J.P. lit up a new cigar. "Did you get a haircut or something?"

    Benny flew out of the chair in rage, knocking it over in the process. "What kind of a man are you?! You don’t even care that your best friend is sitting in front of you after he’s been reported dead! You don’t even care that he is dead!"

    "I care!" J.P. ensured him. "That theater will make for great land development!"

    "I’m not giving you my theater!" Benny shouted.

    "Oh? Your theater, fine, fine, I’ll give it a nice name for you, how does ‘The Benny Vandergast Memorial Theater’ sound to you?"

    "It sounds like it’s my theater!"

    "Right, good, that’s what we want it to sound like."

    "We?" Benny asked. "We are finished Grosse. I’m taking the deed to my theater and never having anything to do with you again."

    "But aren’t you dead?"

    "Yes you fool! I cheated Death!"

    "Well then wouldn’t that mean you aren’t dead?"

    Benny’s entire eyeballs grew red. "Will you shut up and listen?!" J.P. puffed his cigar quietly, motioning for Benny to continue. "It was my time to go Grosse, but when I was approached by the cloaked master himself, I escaped from his skeletal grasp. He won’t be finding me anytime soon."

    "Well that’s great and all, but I’m keeping the deed."

    Benny slammed his hands down on the top of J.P.’s desk. "You listen here you pompous twit, that deed is mine, as is that theater. Keep. Out."

    "And if I don’t?" J.P. asked, satisfied with the way this was going. "You realize my friend that if you step one foot in my theater I have full power to call the proper authorities who will find out your little secret of death."

    The gray man dug his nails into the surface of the desk. "I hate you Grosse, and mark my words, I will get my theater back, and you will pay."

    "I can pay any price, but that theater is mine."

    Benny glared at his ex-best friend, and disappeared from the room. "For now." His voice rang through the walls, and right through J.P.’s ears.


    "Hey everybody! C’mon, c’mon, c’mon! It’s time to get up! Time for the vacation!" Bean Bunny shouted down the halls of the Muppet Boarding House.

    A group moan rang out from each of the Muppet’s bed rooms, they didn’t really want to leave at dawn. Apparently Kermit had forgot to tell Bean.

    "C’mon everybody! If you need to we can exercise with my bunny calisthenics! It’s so cute and you’ll all feel so energetic! Oh I think you’ll all just love it so much and-"

    "HI-YA!" Piggy karate chopped the rabbit from behind. She growled down at him in her green face mask and returned to her room.

    Fozzie walked out of his room and stared down at Bean. "Hey Bean, I think your aerobics class got turned into kung-fu 101! Ahh!" Fozzie ran over to Kermit’s bedroom door. "Hey Kermit, you’re up right?"

    Kermit sat up crookedly, rubbing his eyes. "Well actually Fozzie-"

    "Great! Well I just wanted to tell you that my Ma is here!"

    Kermit frowned. "Oh, great, is she watching the house for us?"

    "No! I invited her on the trip silly!"

    Emily Bear barged into Kermit’s room. "Fozzie, I can’t believe I was just woke up by some hyperactive bunny!"

    "Oh Ma! You remember Kermit!" Fozzie put his hand on his mother’s shoulder.
    Emily looked at the half-awake Kermit in his bed. "Oh yeah, the lizard."

    "Fro-Oh never mind..." Kermit rolled out of bed. "Let’s get the gang on the bus..."

    "Great!" Emily said. "I’ll take first driving shift! I’ve had my coffee and I’m ready to go!"


    The orange embers still burning in Uncle Deadly’s fireplace grew dimmer as Uncle Deadly arose and strolled by the fireplace. He fidgeted with his claws as he awaited Death.

    His mind was jammed with recollections of the attack on him the previous day. The gash down his arm still burned through his clothes. It was nothing ordinary that attacked him. Of course, he already knew that.


    Uncle Deadly climbed on the ceiling of the Muppet Theater and gently frayed a wire on a light. Deadly chuckled. "Playing this trick on Clifford never does get old."

    "Tricks are rude." A voice rang through the theater.

    Deadly retained his grip on the ceiling and hissed. "Show yourself!"

    A gray skinned, gray haired man appeared directly in front of him and clawed at both of his hands, dropping him from the ceiling.

    Deadly landed with a thud on the floor of the theater, he couldn’t feel his legs, although that wasn’t a new sensation for the phantom, he hadn’t felt any part of his body since his death. Deadly climbed back to his feet and aimed his hands in the direction of his gray attacker, firing bolts of lightning from his palms.

    The man dodged as the lightning broke through the ceiling, sending clouds of dust, rock, and wood falling to the floor.

    Uncle Deadly growled to the agile man, picking up a shard of stone from the ceiling. He hurled it up at the man, who caught it with one palm and jumped down, landing in front of the specter. Deadly had no time to dodge before the man had landed a successful blow to Deadly’s chest with the rock.

    Deadly collapsed onto the floor, grasping his chest. The man jumped over him and grabbed a wood spear that fell from the ceiling. Uncle Deadly darted up, swinging his entire form, trying to trip the man with his long tail, the man jumped over the tail and swung down with the splintered piece of wood, slicing the phantom’s tattered shirt and piercing his dark blue skin.

    "Ach!" the phantom cried in pain, collapsing back on the floor.

    The man placed the sole of his shoe on Deadly’s snout. "Where is J.P. Grosse?" the man hissed in Uncle Deadly’s face.

    "I-I don’t know," Deadly tried moving his mouth with the shoe on his snout.

    The man pressed his shoe down harder. "Tell me beast!"

    "Augh!" Deadly screamed. "He’s staying at the Muppet Boarding House! ACH!"

    The man moved his foot off the phantom. "Thank you, now was that so hard?"

    "Who...Who are you?"

    The gray man snickered and disappeared. "Benny Vandergast, and don’t you forget it."
  4. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Wonderful... And so great to get some backstory in this chapter...

    Funny bit with J.P. ordering his coffee from Benny while being tied up, and then referencing back to that during the flashback.
    Speaking of referencing...
    Miss Tracy, was that Lew Lord's secretary from TMM?
    A high school named for him... Reference to Muppet High?

    Rully like how you're developing this story... From the flashback where Benny comes back to tell J.P. the theater is his reminds me of the story of the Phantom of the Opera.

    And speaking of phantoms...
    Loved the scene with Uncle Deadly waiting for Death. They certainly have a lot to talk about and I'm waiting there with the phantomly dragon.
    The flashback of the attack on the theater's resident spook... Scary and frightful, and to have Benny's shoe squashing down on his snout...
    Oh, I do so hope more'll get posted soon.
  5. redBoobergurl

    redBoobergurl Well-Known Member

    Oh my, oh my, oh my....Benny...Uncle Deadly...the explanation of how J.P. got the theatre....and the Muppets are leaving and oh my! This story is intense Ryan! It's even chilling at times! I'm enjoying it just so much! I can't wait to read more!
  6. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member

    Gee Prawnie, I was hoping to rave about chapter four BEFORE chapter five got up... But now there's stuff to rave about in chapter five! And worse, there's HOMEWORK to do before that! Oy!

    But while everyone else gushes about how marvelously you're weaving this tale- and I full-heartedly agree with them- and while everyone points out your reference to Muppet High, and to TMM... While they do that, I have two other things to mention.

    One- just the mention of a bagel...

    Two- more importantly- THE LIGHT!!!!! IT'S ALL UD'S TRICK!!!! ON CLIFFORD!!!!! OY MY OY VEY!!!! PRAWNIE!!!! I GLOMP YOU!!!!! And now I go do homework so I can come back and rave more.

  7. Leyla

    Leyla Member

    So, as the saying goes, better late than never! But with Lisa and Prawnie as my amusing friends, I can tell you never was never an option!

    Yeah, I've always loved whenever Kermit has had to introduce himself. He's so cute about it! I've never seen Robin and the hecklers interacting ... at least, not that I remember right now, but I like it! And oh, Robin is SUCH a charmer! Loved Scooter coming to the rescue, and the whole improvisastional feeling of the warm up!

    And ooooooh!!!! HAPPY FEET!! SQUEE!!!! I LOVE that song! The presentation of it is spectacular! I mean, wouldn't you LOVE to be there, watching it! I'm telling you, I'd scream so loud no one would hear the singing! Love the adjectives "entrancing" and "ever-green". Oh, so lovely! Nice touch with Kermit putting his arm around Robin too. Ah, the Muppets in their glory, you know?

    HA! Janice! And Kermit's response!

    Ah, you can tell they're members of the family now. :p

    Oh, Fozzie! I DO love that bear! And oh, such a Floyd kind of line. Your characterization is wonderful, Prawnie!

    Mmmm.... really like that! "Sacred moments" how true! How true!

    <grins> Great twist on a classic joke. I love how you get the vacation started here, and then the immediate segue to them planning the vacation is really clever and fun!

    So that brings me to chapter two, which you already know what I think about!! Ooh, Fridays with Fozzie. That's WONDERFUL! and one of the best parts of "Before you leap!" J.P.'s arrival, and his role in this story is really interesting. We don't see him around too often! Loved the scene with Beau too. Again, your characterisation is awesome and that's SO important to a good story!

    Part 3:

    Loved your starting off right away with cranky Camilla! She's very funny!

    <laughs> Ha! Good one, Gonzo!!

    I like Rowlf and Lew being roommates, and Sam is wonderful! I had no idea Piggy was sensitive about hot dogs, though I can understand! I also had no idea she had such excellent hearing! That doesn't bode well for everyone else in the house! I DID however, know that Kermit is an expert pig handler, though he doesn't do it often enough. ;) It's fun to see him get the drop on her and I like the scoreboard!

    Really fascinating to see Scooter and his Uncle together here. You know, I can see the family resemblance in personalities a bit, but of course, Scooter's actually got a heart! Still, it's a fun little scene, and Benny Vandergast is SUCH a neat idea to tackle!

    Part 4:

    Oh no!! The other Muppets don't even know Scooter and JP are in trouble! I do, however... have a strong feeling the vacationers will be entwined in that plotline soon enough!

    Oh, c'mon... she can't be the absolute worst choice... I mean, what with Gonzo, Crazy Harry, pick-a-monster, Statler and Waldorf... at least when they got back the theatre would still be standing if Piggy was in charge! <giggles> Anyway, I liked this, particularly Kermit handling her again.

    I'm quite worried and alarmed by Uncle Deadly's injuries... this Benny Vandergast is getting more and more scary. The plot is definately picking up steam and I can't wait to see where you go with it!

    Brilliant line! Fits JP so well, and it's really very funny!

    Again, love your sense of humour. You've got great natural comedic timing. The interactions between Bunsen and Beaker are wonderful! Loved the GPS!The Robin scene was incredibly sweet, well worthy of your other half!

    <giggles> Awesome! Clearly, Robin is on the side of the ushy gushers! He's a smart little fellow!

    <laughs> Oh, that's very cute! Love the MTI reference! Maybe that's where the got the idea from in the script! ;)

    Part 5:

    Wow... this Benny guy scares me... a lot! I have no idea what he is... but he certainly seems very dangerous! It was really intriguing to get a look at a bit of JP's backstory... the guy hasn't changed much, eh? And now's he's gotten his nephew in trouble!

    Bean is very cute and funny, and annoying, as he should be, and I just loved Emily's lines... calling Kermit a lizard. Very fun!

    Overall, I really like your pacing, and the way you're using flashbacks to fill in the details. It's a fascinating story and I can't wait to see what happens!

  8. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Chapter 6

    Sweetums tossed the last of the suitcases on top of the Electric Mayhem’s psychedelically colored bus.

    "Well dat’s da last of da luggage," Rizzo bit into a bagel. "All set Kerm?"

    "We’re still waiting for Miss Piggy Rizzo, so get comfy, it could be a while." Kermit told the rat.

    Rizzo sighed and took another bite of his bagel. "Figures," he muttered. "Hey, what about Gonzo, where’s he at?"

    Kermit scratched his head. "Actually Rizzo, I haven’t seen him this morning either."

    Rizzo looked back towards the door of the boarding house and laughed. "Ha! Well get lookin’!"

    Gonzo walked outside wearing completely nothing.

    Kermit ran towards Gonzo, waving his arms around in attempts to cover him up. "Gonzo what on Earth are you doing?!"

    "Kermit," Gonzo said, striking a pose. Kermit moved to cover appropriately. "This is something I have to do. For love!"

    Kermit scrunched up his face. "Gonzo I wrote an entire chapter of a book on love, and this has nothing to do with love!"

    "I t’ink Miss Piggy would beg to differ," Rizzo walked over.

    "And yes Kermit, it does," Gonzo reassured the amphibian. "Wait til you see Camilla!"

    Kermit scrunched up his face as Camilla waddled out the front door with less than half of her feathers left on her body.

    "Whoa! Talk about your peep show!" Rizzo shouted, dropping the bagel and covering his eyes.

    "Bragawk!!" Camilla squawked, running back into the boarding house.

    "Oh Camilla! Come back!" Gonzo ran after her.

    Miss Piggy’s yelp hollered out from the boarding house. "WHY IS THERE A NAKED WEIRDO STANDING IN FRONT OF ME?!" she cried.

    "It’s an expression of love Miss Piggy!"


    Gonzo came flying out of the front door; still naked; landing right on the pavement. "Whoopie!" he shot up shouting. "That is so going to be part of my next act!"

    "Gonzo will you please get some clothes on?!" Kermit shouted at the weirdo. "And take the back door!"

    Miss Piggy stormed out the front door with Bean and Bobo behind her carrying her many suitcases. "Oh! Kermie! Everybody! Um...One sec." She darted back inside, then ran back out wearing a conga outfit, complete with fruit hat.

    "Alright boys, hit it!" she shouted to Bobo and Bean who dropped the suitcases and threw on conga outfits as well.

    "Cuanto le gusta
    Le gusta, le gusta
    Le gusta, le gusta
    Le gusta, le gusta," Miss Piggy sang.

    "Cuanto le gusta
    Le gusta, le gusta
    Le gusta, le gusta
    Le gusta, le gusta."

    Bobo and Bean repeated the chant as Piggy danced along on the front steps porch of the boarding house.

    "We’ve gotta get going
    Where are we going," Bean and Bobo sang.

    "And what are we going to do?" Piggy added.

    "We’re on our way to somewhere
    The three of us and you," Piggy, Bean, and Bobo pointed to the crowd of Muppets standing outside the bus.

    "What’ll we see there
    Who will be there?"

    "What’ll be the big surprise?"

    "There may be senoritas
    With dark and flashing eyes," the bunny and the bear sang.

    "We’re on our way!" Piggy took the front "stage" for her big solo.
    "Pack up your pack
    And if we stay
    We won’t come back."

    "How can we go
    We haven’t got a dime!" Kermit frowned at that remark.
    "But we’re going
    And we’re gonna have a happy time."

    "Cuanto le gusta
    Le gusta, le gusta
    Le gusta, le gusta
    Le gusta, le gusta.
    " all three of them repeated.

    "Sax solo!" Piggy shouted as Zoot slid in playing his saxophone.

    "Tuba solo!" Bobo shouted, blowing a bad note on his new tuba.

    "Moving on!" Piggy pushed Bobo out of the way.

    "You take a train," Piggy said with Bean and Bobo repeating.
    "You take a boat
    I’ll take a plane
    You ride the goat."

    "Oh we don’t care
    We’ll either walk or climb
    But we’re going
    And we’re gonna have a happy time!"

    "EVERYBODY!!" Piggy shouted.

    "Cuanto le gusta
    Le gusta, le gusta
    Le gusta, le gusta
    Le gusta, LE GUSTA!"

    The three of them continued singing and formed a conga line that danced onto the bus.

    "Ah! What an entrance!" Fozzie said.

    "Meh," Emily Bear shrugged. "I've seen better."

    Kermit frowned. "Alright gang, let’s follow the conga."

    "Um, excuse me mister Pepe," Sam Eagle tapped Pepe the King Prawn on one of his shoulders.

    "Si? What is it big bird?"

    "What does ‘cuanto le gusta’ mean, exactly?" Sam asked.

    Pepe shrugged. "Don’t ask me senor Washington, I just have dis accent for lady purposes, hokay? I don’t really know any Spanish, hokay?" Pepe said, getting onto the bus.

    Sam’s mouth fell open. "Why does this not surprise me?" Sam turned to the lawn and saluted. "Farewell my Kentucky blue grass, we shall meet again."

    "Hey Dr. Teeth," Floyd Pepper addressed the good doctor of rock ‘n’ roll. "What are all these guys doin’ on our bus?"

    Dr. Teeth scratched his beard. "Mm, this is indeed a question that makes my cranial lobes probosculate on such a fact."

    "Wha’?" Zoot asked.

    "LOBES! LOBES!" Animal chanted.

    "Like, Dr. Teeth, do you have any thoughts?"

    "Mm, yes I do," Dr. Teeth said. "Methinks we should get on the bus!"

    "Right on!"

    "Fer sure, like, what a smart idea."

    "IDEA! IDEA! Ha ha ha!" Animal laughed, running onto the bus.

    "Hey hey Animal," Floyd called after him. "Make sure you go to the bathroom!"


    Clifford parked his car in front of the Muppet Theater and hopped out of the car, talking on his cell phone. "Yeah babe, you heard me, I’m all by myself! Mm-hm, got the entire place just to me. Could really use some company, if ya know what I mean."

    The co-host made his way through the alley to the back door and unlocked it. "Mm-hm, lookin’ at this big ol’ empty backstage right now actually. Could use a little feminine touch."

    A pair of yellow eyes opened in the staircase behind Clifford. "Naw baby, Scoot ain’t here. He’s on a trip with your uncle. What you hadn’t heard that? Uh-oh. Well then why don’t you come on over here, and let’s dance our cares away."

    Uncle Deadly tip-toed behind the co-host silently. "Of course that’s what I was referencing! So whadaya say babe? You in?"

    Deadly stood straight up and tapped Clifford on the shoulder with his claw. "Not now dude," Clifford waved his hand to his back without even looking behind him.

    Deadly tapped again. "I said not now, can’t ya see I’m on a very important phone call?"

    Uncle Deadly sent a volt of lightning through Clifford’s cell phone, Clifford spun around fuming. "Now what was that for?!"

    "I’m saving you money," Uncle Deadly replied calmly. "Using up all those minutes can’t be cheap."

    Clifford muttered something as he bent over, trying to repair his phone. "Do you need somethin’ Uncle D.? Or are you just here to bug me?"

    "Actually I’d like to know where Kermit is."

    Clifford stood up. "You mean ya haven’t heard? Kerm and the gang went off on a vacation."

    ‘What?!" The phantom shouted. "Clifford we must get a hold of him! Now!"

    "Well I would," Clifford said. "But somebody just french fried my phone!"
  9. redBoobergurl

    redBoobergurl Well-Known Member

    *laughing* Love the scene with Gonzo! Oh my gosh! A naked weirdo, I can only imagine! Poor Camilla though. I liked the song and the conga. My favorite though was Clifford talking on his phone to who we can only assume is Skeeter, especially when he said "your brother is with your uncle" and the Uncle Deadly comes up and the line "you just french fried my phone!"

    Good stuff! Can't wait for more!
  10. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Heh... Nice way to guilt your other half into posting more of Say Cheese, taking the lead.
    Score: Ryan 6, Lisa 5.

    The conga line number... I'm with Emily, seen better.
    Pepe's dialogue was priceless.
    The best part... The Mayhem talking over why everyone's on their bus. You have them in like so much character...
    And of course the ending with Clifford talking to Skeeter, and Uncle D comes up behind them... Come on Clifford, you gotta fix that cell phone!
    Oh... And post more!
  11. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member

    All right Prawn, here's the deal. You post a chapter, I run in, say I love it and that I'll come back and squee over it later, and then never come back to squee! I'm sick of it, are you? I'm sure you're at least half-sick of it. So today, I combine. I squee as I read. Yes, you get all of my comments on my very first read through of what I'm sure will be a fantasticabulous chapter! (It'd better be good now, I just set my standards high...) So let's get started, shall we? Why not?

    HA! I hope for his sake that she didn't hear that.

    <shields eyes> Please tell me it's for Camilla's sake, please oh please...

    HA, I KNEW IT! And I love how Kermit is trying to cover him!

    Oh, and what a GOOD book it is! <hugs book>

    Now that just gets me thinking. Kermit has NO room to talk when it comes to public nudity. Y'know? I mean, didn't he even SUGGEST nudity in that book he just mentioned? I seem to recall several mentions...

    One pecked rat, coming right up...

    ...One modest chicken, coming right up...

    <wonders if Piggy thought Gonzo was referring to his love for her as mentioned in seasons one and two of TMS>


    Kermit, you have NO room to talk! ...Although I guess you could argue that you wear a collar... <headtilt> Actually, a lot of Muppets seem to get away with only wearing something on their neck... Hey, Rowlf is naked, too, you don't see anyone yelling at HIM to put clothes on! Not even anything around his neck! Believe me, I know! I room with him!

    <head tilt>

    Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh okay. THAT'S why. ....COOL!

    I would so love to see the looks on that crowd's faces...

    <giggles> But it's true, but it's true!

    Woo hoo!

    <rubs ears> Ouch! Oh THAT'S gonna be real fun...

    Excellent choice, Miss Piggy, excellent choice...

    Watch- either EVERYONE bursts into song, or there's dead silence...
    Or neither...

    Oh, picky, picky...

    <follows the conga> I am SO coming along on this trip...

    Just like in MWoO...

    Just like in TMS...


    Pach! Of COURSE they wouldn't know. <giggles> (And please don't ask what "pach" means. I don't know yet. I just made it up about two seconds ago.)

    ...Why do I feel like a running gag just might come out of that?...

    Oh believe me, I know what you mean...

    <Sigh> He's SO trying to lure her... Considering what's been happening there, I hope for her sake that it doesn't work!

    <clap clap> Worries for another day, oh let the music play! <clap clap> Down at... <watches yellow eyes>...

    Oh good, she knew it! Hehe!

    I wonder what the recipient of that "very important phone call" thinks hearing him talk to someone when he just said he had the theater all to himself... (Yes I do have a pretty good idea of who it is, but I don't have to admit it! ...What's that? I just did? ...Oh.)

    Uncle Deadly sure gets a thrill out of playing electrical pranks on Clifford. Although at least this time there's a good reason. (Not that our eternal amusement is a bad reason!)

    Ach, dang it, those pranks always come back to haunt you...


    Hehehe, I guess I can't throw stones in that direction, can I?

    MORE PLEASE! (But let me catch up, first!)
  12. Leyla

    Leyla Member

    Yippee! more of this delicious story!

    <giggles> Ah, yes, waiting for Piggy. That's probably how every muppet vacation starts!

    Oooh! Now that IS unusual!!!

    <jaw drops> <blush> Well... speaking of unusual... here's the chief of all that is strange... naked as the day he was... presumably... born.

    <laughs> And Kermit handles the situation with his normal calm, unflappable nature.

    Oh!!! Oh my gosh Prawnie!!! THAT"S HYSTERICAL!!!! The POSE!!! Kermit's covering "appropriately!!" THIS IS SOMETHING I HAVE TO DO. FOR LOVE!!!! Bwahahahahaha!!!! <wipes away tears> Oh, it's sweet have him too though, for poor Camilla!

    SQUEEE!!! The book!! That chapter of that book! SQUEE!!! <hugs Prawnie>

    <giggles> I wonder what part of that reply Piggy would differ on... ;) Ah, c'mon Kermit! I get it! You should too!

    Oh, that poor dear! Rizzo! Try to be a little more sensit...nevermind. Forgot who I was talking to.

    Oy... now look what you've done...

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why is there a--- <continues laughing> Oh, that's priceless! Of ALL of them to run into... Prawnie, you're a comic genius!

    <wipes laugh tears out of eyes> Oh my gosh... that is hands down the WORST possible thing to say to Piggy when you're naked Gonzo. (A situation I recommend you avoid... being naked Gonzo... terrible habit.)

    HAHAHAHAHHA!!! Oh Gonzo!!!

    <giggles> I've been laughing pretty much constantly for a fair while. Makes it hard to type!

    Oh!! The song!! I love that song!!! I also love that she's got not just Bean but Bobo as well slaving with her luggage. She's taking over all of Beau's roommates! The instant transition to the outfit, and the general randomness is so muppety. What does that mean, anyway?
    <grins> Love it!
    Heehee! Ah, she's such a great character! I'm really very fond of Emily Bear. I must write that Fozzie story one of these days...

    <giggles> And a Sam and Pepe conversation... oh my oh my oh my... those two together... why do I feel like the world should implode?

    <laughs> Wow! A rare moment of honesty from Pepe! Not sure I believe him though! <giggles> Love the senor Washington nickname... I have a thing for nicknames...

    <hugs a very stiff and uptight Sam>

    This line earns the "Dame of Diction" slight nod of approval.

    Oh, Clifford! You ladies man! Be careful, buddy! Prawnie's been unkind to his roomies lately... <giggles> Oh, I do love him spouting slick lines at Skeeter, especially with Uncle Deadly creeping up on him!

    <giggles> Uncle Deadly's good deed for the day.

    ...and no good deed goes unpunished!! Oh, love it SO much, Prawnie! Very very funny!

  13. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Something I wanna ask... Why do you suddenly have Camilla saying "bragawk" all of a sudden? Don't know, it just doesn't sound right to me. Sounds better when she's saying "buck-buck-buckawk".
    Just a minor observation.
  14. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Hmm, I honestly don't know. :p It just sorta happened I guess...:smirk:
  15. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Just so long as you post more story... So um, more please?
  16. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Chapter 7

    "I...I just can’t believe it..." Scooter sighed.

    "I know," J.P. muttered. "I ordered that bagel an hour ago!"

    Scooter frowned and looked at the back of his uncle’s head. "You can’t be serious."

    "I know how you feel Scooter, this is the worst service I’ve ever had!"

    "Uncle J.P. we have to find a way out of this!" Scooter began to grow upset with his uncle.

    "There is no way out of this nephew." J.P. said blankly.

    "But...But there has to be," Scooter whispered. "There just has to be!"

    "Scooter, you don’t understand. When Benny cheated Death, he gained...Powers."

    "Powers? Like what?"

    "Well you saw earlier, how he appeared out of nowhere, but not only that, he can be anywhere almost instantly by traveling through the shadows."

    Scooter nodded slowly. What were they dealing with here?

    "He also possesses unnatural speed and senses. His hearing is fine tuned, as is his smell. Death hath changed my old friend."

    "It can’t be Uncle J.P. I mean, it doesn’t even make sense!"

    "Why make sense when it’s more profitable to make dollars?"

    "Uncle, please! This is no time to joke!"

    "I know nephew, I’m sorry. Benny’s powers are no laughing matter, that one thing is certain.

    "But how do you know that?"

    "Uncle Deadly."


    "You expect me to believe that Benny Vandergast has come back from the dead to take vengeance on J.P. Grosse and get the theater back?"

    "No no, Benny never died, so he didn’t come back from the dead, he’s just now revealing himself."

    "You’re crazy."

    "You have a lot of room to talk!"

    Clifford frowned. "I just don’t understand why I would believe a thing like that Uncle D." Clifford tried dialing a number on his cell phone, but it fell right back into pieces. "I mean why would Benny wait so long to come out and want his theater?"

    "I don’t know!" Deadly shouted. "But I do know that he’s capable of this!" Deadly rolled up his sleeve, showing Clifford the gash down his arm. Clifford glanced down, and upon seeing the gash, spun around and stared.

    "What...What is this dude capable of Uncle D.?"

    Uncle Deadly sighed, rubbing his scar. "More than you can imagine my fiend, more than you can imagine."

    "Like what? Man, c’mon I can take it!" Clifford argued as his cell phone fell apart again.

    Uncle Deadly sighed. "Clifford, I hope you understand that I’m doing this to protect you."

    "What?" Clifford asked, backing away slowly. "What are you doing?"

    "Sorry my fiend." Deadly took his fist across Clifford’s head, knocking him out cold onto the floor.


    The Electric Mayhem bus jerked back and forth as Emily Bear sped down the highway. "Watch it boys! The road belongs to Ma now!"

    "Oh no, I was afraid this would happen," Fozzie covered his eyes while being thrown about his seat.

    Rowlf groaned from his seat across from Fozzie. "Hey Foz, think your mom could take it easy! It’s hard enough for dogs to stay still in a car!"

    The Swedish Chef poked up his head over the seat behind Rowlf. "Zee duggy cunnut stund up streeeght? Ve-a shuoold glooe-a heem tu zee fluur!"

    "Mee me mo mo me!" Beaker replied from behind Fozzie.

    "Oh yes Beaker! A marvelous idea!" Bunsen said. "We’ll use the new Muppet Labs Super-De-Dooper Glue!"

    Rowlf shook his head. "I think I’ll pass."

    "Me too!" Emily shouted, speeding the bus around a mini-van.

    Kermit sat behind the Chef with Robin sitting at his side. "Robin, remember what I always told you about wearing seatbelts?" Kermit asked his nephew.

    Robin nodded. "But Uncle Kermit, this bus doesn’t have seatbelts!"

    Kermit looked out his window at a sign that read: "Now Leaving California" and then another immediately after it that read: "Speed Limit 75" Kermit frowned and turned back to his nephew. "Then just hold on," he said.

    "Oh Kermie," Miss Piggy said from the seat across from the two frogs. "Moi will hold on to vous forever."

    Clyde popped up in the seat behind Piggy. "Oh you’re holding things Miss Piggy?" the pink Muppet asked. "Great, here take this," he tossed a suitcase into her seat.

    Piggy growled from underneath the suitcase and sent it flying off of her in one big karate chop. "Alright Pinky! That’s it!"

    "Hey hey Miss Piggy, wait!" Butch held back the pig. "Get him when he’s asleep," Butch whispered. "He’s much quieter then."

    Piggy grumbled and slammed back down into her seat. "Hey d’ere miss ham sandwich," Pepe said from the seat directly behind Kermit and Robin. "I didn’t know we were having pork chops for dinner tonight." Pepe laughed.

    Piggy stood up and walked to Pepe’s seat and put her snout right up to his face. "Oh don’t worry shrimp, we’re not having them for dinner," she said sweetly.

    "We-We’re not?" Pepe trembled.

    "No," Piggy said calmly. "We’re having them for lunch! HI-YA!" she karate chopped Pepe, then returned to her seat, satisfied.

    "Pepe’s getting all the pain again Camilla," Gonzo said from the seat behind Butch and Clyde.

    "Bawk? Byuck bawk bagawk?" Camilla asked underneath three sweaters to cover up her molting.

    "Oh yeah honey, don’t worry, it’s very seemingly unnoticeable." Gonzo reassured the hen.

    "Oh yeah Camilla, don’t worry," Rizzo said from the seat across from the creepy couple. "The only time I’ve seen poultry that bald is at da supermarket!"

    "Rizzo!" Gonzo shouted. "You can’t do things like that!"

    "I didn’t do anything!" Rizzo argued.

    "I could do my boomerang fish!" Lew Zealand suggested from the seat behind Rizzo.

    "Are we saving any moral values on this ridiculous trip?" Sam Eagle asked sternly from behind Gonzo.

    "What are the values of morals?" Beauregard asked Sam, who sat in the same seat as him.

    "I think they’re about 75 cents a pop," Johnny Fiama said from behind Sam and Beau.

    "No no Johnny, they’re only 50 cents," Sal Manilla told his boss.

    Johnny rose his eyebrows. "Did you just question me Sal?"

    "Well no Johnny, I was just telling you that-"

    "I don’t care if you were tellin’ me about a free canolli joint, I don’t wanna hear about it!"

    "I do!" Rizzo said.

    "Hey there Bean," Bobo said the bunny sitting next to him. "You don’t mind my tuba here do ya?"

    "Oh no Bobo," Bean told the bear. "As long as you don’t mind my bunny calisthenics that I do in the mornings!"

    "Heh, not at all! I think exercise is the perfect way to start of any day." Bobo siad. "And tuba practice!"

    "Oh those are my two favorite things!" Bean shouted.

    "Well what a coincidence!" Bobo patted Bean on the back.

    "Oops! Missed my turn!" Emily Bear shouted from the driver’s seat. The bus made a complete u-turn, causing most of the Muppets to scream.

    "U-turn! U-turn!" Animal chanted from the very back of the bus.

    "Cool it man, save your energy for the jam session," Floyd told the drummer. "We are goin’ to a gig on this rig right Dr. Teeth?"

    "Absotively possilutely!" Dr. Teeth laughed.

    "Fer sure, but like, where are we going?" Janice asked.

    "Wha’? We’re goin’ somewhere?" Zoot asked, waking up from a nap.

    Sweetums tried to move his feet around in the back of the bus. "Uh, hey guys, would ya mind scootin’ up a bit? It’s kinda hard to move back here." Sweetums bellowed.

    "Like, there’s no room up here either," Janice told the monster.

    "Yeah man, now that miss fat back’s got all her luggage back here, we can hardly move!" Floyd laughed.

    "I heard that hippy!" Piggy shouted to the back. "You better sleep with one eye open!"

    "Heh," Floyd laughed. "With Animal as my pet, I always sleep with one eye open!"

    "Uncle Kermit," Robin tapped his uncle’s arm.

    "Yes Robin?"

    "Are we there yet?" Robin asked innocently.

    Kermit scrunched up his face. "Sheesh..."
  17. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member

    <Laughs!> Oh, HILARIOUS!!!!! ...Oh wait! Now I'm behind again! DANG YOU! <sigh>
  18. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Now that's a great chapter Prawny... Fun to see all the Muppets and where they're sitting in the bus... And of curse, I don't think that speed limit's gonna hold Emily back any.

    Poor Clifford... But then again, he did ask for it. Maybe that'll teach him to listen to Uncle D giving him the seriousness he respects next time.

    Scooter and J.P. tied up in wherever it is they're being held up. Of course, I'll just insert my earplugs to protect them from the squeeing your other half will let loose like a demented banshee when she sees that quote between J.P. and Scooter.
    Funny how J.P.'s going on about the bad service at such a time. Be back after the next chapter's posted, have to go get some bagels... And muffins (shifty eyes*.
  19. redBoobergurl

    redBoobergurl Well-Known Member

    He he, I was just thinking about the Muppets on a bus and how it sounds like "Popes in a Volkswagon!" But that's beside the point. Scary things with Deadly and Clifford and Scooter and his Uncle and then the hilarity on the bus with the other Muppets. Quite a chapter indeed and I must ask for more!
  20. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Chapter 8

    "And that nephew is how I saved Christmas," J.P. told Scooter.

    Scooter grumbled, trying to move in his binding ropes. "What does that have to do with anything?"

    "Well you see it leads to my next story about the time Santa Claus and I discussed merging my company with his."

    The go-fer sighed. "And let me guess, you found a cure for Rudolph’s glowing nose?"

    "Exactly, and then I taught the elves to tap dance."

    The door flew open. Benny strolled inside slowly and calmly. "J.P., quick question, where do you keep the deed to my theater?"

    J.P. scoffed. "You expect me to tell you? Just like that?"

    "Uncle, don’t get in too deep," Scooter warned.

    "J.P., this is the last time I’ll ask nicely."

    "And just what do you intend to do if I don’t tell you?" J.P. smirked.


    "I plan to use this handy truth serum." Benny pulled out a flask of purple liquid.

    "There’s no such thing!"

    "You’ll be surprised what you can find in those government buildings." Benny fiddled with the flask.

    "Leave my uncle alone!" Scooter shouted.

    Benny pocketed the container and walked in a circle around his two prisoners. "I will, once I have the answers I need."

    J.P. held his breath each time Benny circled around him. "I’ll never tell you Vandergast."

    "That’s what I thought you’d say." Benny grabbed his ex-best friend by his shirt collar and ripped him forward, breaking the ropes. Benny carried J.P. out of the room by his shirt collar, leaving Scooter alone.

    The go-fer fell to the floor and huddled to himself in the corner of the dark room.


    Uncle Deadly carried Clifford’s body gently up to his private chambers. The phantom dropped the body of the purple co-host onto the couch.

    Deadly restarted the fire that was now merely embers. The fire reminded him of Death, reminded him that he had lost contact with Death. He had to do something.

    The fire. That’s what he’d do, he’d manipulate the fire to show him where Death was. The problem was, Deadly had only seen Death manipulate fire. He actually had no idea how. But he could try. This was important, he had to try.

    A creaking noise echoed through the secluded room. Deadly’s head darted in the direction of the sound, followed closely by the rest of his body.

    Deadly perched himself on the rafters looking over the backstage.

    "Clifford!" called the voice of a skinny, red headed yellow creature. "It’s me! Skeeter! You said I could come over...I don’t know what happened, but I couldn’t call you anymore! I let myself in...Are you even here?!"

    Deadly smiled, this is exactly what he was looking for. He jumped down from the rafters directly in front of the girl.

    Her scream could’ve awoke the dead (But Uncle Deadly was awake).

    "Will you quiet down?!" he shouted at her.

    "Will you stop creeping me out?!" Skeeter shrieked.

    "Oh right," Deadly rolled his eyes. "Like I can help it."

    Skeeter shrugged. "Where’s Clifford? He said he was the only one here."

    "Your boyfriend seems to forget that I cannot leave this theater."

    "But what about that time when that Bryant guy-" Skeeter started to say.

    "We don’t speak of that incident," Deadly said sternly.

    "But why? I mean you came out of the theater then-"

    "Exactly! Shush yourself girl!"

    "Oh, right." Skeeter blushed.

    Deadly muttered something under his breath. "Anyway, you must listen, I need your help."

    "But where’s Clifford?" Skeeter asked with both hands on her hips.

    "He’s in my room, trust me he’s fine. Just a bit quieter than usual."

    "That’s an improvement."

    Deadly smirked. "The point I’m trying to make is, that I need your help protecting the theater."

    "Protecting it?" Skeeter asked. "From what? Another wrecking ball like that Bryant guy-"

    "I said don’t speak of that!"

    "Right sorry." Skeeter said. "So what are we protecting it from?"

    The phantom sighed. "It’s a long story..."


    The Electric Mayhem bus barreled down the road, passing every vehicle going even remotely slower than the bus.

    Miss Piggy put her snout up against the glass window. "Uch! I’m so bored!
    "Bored?" Clyde popped up.

    "Yes Pinky, bored."

    "Oh! Well I can fix that! Hey Floyd, guys, song and dance number 81A!" Clyde hollered to the back of the bus.

    The Mayhem began to play their instruments as Clyde began to sing.

    "Do you need a break from modern livin’?"Clyde sang.

    "I live for modern living." Piggy replied

    "Do you long to shed your weary load?" Clyde persisted.

    "The only thing I long to shed is those locks on top your head!" Piggy growled.

    "Good Piggy! That’s the way to rhyme!" Clyde encouraged her.

    "I’ll take your nerves and wrap them tight!" Piggy shouted.

    "Just grab a friend and hold on tight
    Together out on the open road,
    " Clyde wrapped his arm around Piggy’s shoulder.

    "All in all I’d rather have hangnail," Piggy elbowed Clyde in the chest, knocking him off.
    "All in all I’d rather eat a toad."

    "What?" Kermit’s head poked up.

    "The old bear drives like such a klutz,"Piggy cried as the bus took a hard turn.
    "That I’m about to hurl my guts
    Directly upon the open road."

    Kermit shook his head, looking back at Robin, singing to him. "There’s nothin’ can upset me
    Cause now we’re on our way
    Our trusty map will guide us straight and through."

    "I hope," Robin replied.

    "Sanity don’t leave me
    I will return someday," Sam Eagle moaned.The bus almost merged lanes into a semi-truck.
    "Though I may be in traction when I do."

    "Me and Butch relaxing like the old days
    In a buddy buddy kind of mode,
    " Clyde sang cheerfully next to Butch.
    "When I see that highway I could cry."

    "You know that’s funny," Butch sang.
    "So could I."

    "Just bein’ out on the open road," Butch and Clyde sang together.

    Floyd and Janice strummed a few chords on their guitars from the back of the bus. "Hey there Kerm, think we can go to Nashville?" Floyd sang.

    The bus swerved to avoid a pack of motorcycles.

    "Careful Ma or we’ll be getting towed!" Fozzie told his mom from behind the driver’s seat.

    "I’m in no hurry to arrive," Rizzo sang.
    "With all dese restaurants, I’ll survive!
    Out here on da open road.

    "Just a week of rest and relaxation," Gonzo rubbed Camilla’s shoulder.
    "And the odd romantic episode."

    "Brawk," Camilla kicked her molting feathers from underneath her feet.

    "It’s Cal-i-for-nia or bust," Beauregard sang from his seat next to Sam.

    "We just left California you twit," Sam Eagle told the janitor.

    "Look out you dirt bags eat my dust!" Emily Bear drove furiously at the wheel.
    "From now on, I own the open road!"

    "Me and little Beakie my squeaky pioneer," Bunsen interrupted his latest Beaker torture device to sing.

    "Mee me mee me me me mee me mo!" Beaker chimed in.

    "Can someone call a taxi
    And get me out of here?"Piggy begged.
    "To Beverly Hills 90210."

    "Every day another new adventure
    Every mile another new zip code," Bean and Bobo sang.

    "And the cares we’ve had are gone for good," Johnny and Sal chimed in.

    "And I’d go with them if I could," Piggy moaned.

    "I’ve got no strings on me
    I’m feelin’ fancy free
    How wonderful to be
    On the open road!
    " All of the Muppets finished the song together. The bus sped right through a pot hole, sending each of them airborne.

    "Wow!" Gonzo shouted. "What a wild ride!"

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