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Muppet Fan-Fiction - Men Are Pigs

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by theprawncracker, May 18, 2007.

  1. redBoobergurl

    redBoobergurl Well-Known Member

    Heh heh, those boys are so sneaky! This is great! I can't wait to see the REAL song that they are going to perform. :)
  2. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member

    <bounces/hums along> You know something? I kinda wish this song wasn't so gender/species specific. But even though it IS so gender/species specific, it's GREAT for a pick-me-up after any relationship troubles. Not that I really know, seeing as to have relationship troubles, you must first have a relationship, and goodness knows I haven't had many of those. But I'm just rambling now. Moving right along... Wait, that's the wrong song... It IS from the right movie, though...

    One- those two are SO on the same wavelength. Two- LOVE "stupidly single." So true, and alliterative, and I have no idea if alliterative is really a word or not, so I guess I'll just have to add it to the PTD...

    Oh, as if he had NOTHING to do with it. As if he DIDN'T clear his throat and wink at Rowlf just a chapter ago to make sure the real song got put off. ...He's a clever one, that phantom.

    Oh, that explains it.

    I find it amusing that Scooter jumps in. Because he kinda sorta doesn't have a girl, right? And he didn't lose one, either. And yet, no Muppet can resist music, and therefore, he sings. It makes me happy.

    Now this makes me particularly squeeful and bouncy, because just the other night I was lining a stray story at someone and I had Rowlf and Kermit sing this and complain about how sick they were getting of the comments they were supposed to make between verses. So, this made me happy.

    Oy, are you tellin' ME! We've got four little skunks living under our front porch, and when we got home last night Dad opened my window so there'd be some fresh air in my room, so of course when I got to my room it REEKED of skunk. And my room is in the BACK of the house! Like honestly, I'm about as FAR from the skunks as you can get! I don't know HOW that worked...
    Oh, oh sorry, I'll stop kvetching now...

    YES IT WAS! See? Like I said, it's a PERFECT song for the relationship woes! So, boys, now that you're feeling better, WIN YOUR GIRLS BACK, FOR CRYING OUT PETE! ...Oh, oh right, you've got another song for that... Gotcha!

    So THAT'S how Leyla feels when we... Um... <Ahem> I mean... :halo: We should get back to that. In the mean time, I'll get back to this.

    Hey look at that- frog, dog. They RHYME! D'you think they did that on purpose? ;)

    Now for some reason, I keep reading this as, "Well, YOUR women were watching..." with an emphasis on YOUR. Whether you intended that or not, I do not know, but I like it. One, it very much excludes Kermit's woman, namely Piggy, because she's just too good for that, right? (Just play along with that. Kermit's lonesome and misses her and is thus thinking quite highly of her. And I would put a smilie here, but there's a limit to smilies, so...) Two, emphasized or not, "your women," indicates that Camilla, Janice, and Skeeter are STILL very much Gonzo's, Floyd's, and Clifford's, respectively, which is a kinda sorta self-esteem boost/little bit of hope that the guys probably desperately needed. Good frog. Good Duke of Chutney, too.

    ...And you're... SURPRISED that they got away? ...No offense to Fozzie, but...

    Yeah, see, like I said...

    Good heavens no, and thank goodness! That's just an inclusion of a song that fits this story like a glove! ...Now there's an expression I don't get. Why a glove? Gloves don't always fit so perfectly. I've worn PLENTY of gloves that were too big or too small. Why glove? I'd think a coat would be a better fit. They can be really big or fit pretty snug, and still fit.

    I LOVE that exchange! It's just so... Muppety! Oh, and Scooter, make a note to get rid of those skid marks...

    Yes, yes! Show us, show us! PLEASE! PLEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAASE!

    ...Oh. ...Or, don't. Fine then. <SIGH!> But I wanna SEEEEEEEEEE! <growls> <grumbles> You are WAY too good at this whole suspense deal, Prawnie...

    Oh, COME ON, girls. Like you DIDN'T figure out that Uncle D. had a REASON for knowing that you'd been caught? ...I mean... besides the fact that he's the one who tipped you off in the first place...

    HA! I LOVE that line!

    Ooh, the little green devil! WAY better than my old high school mascot of the Blue Devil. And ew, the big puce devil. Run girls, run! ...Oh, or catch up. You know what, Skeeter? You spend too much time with Gonzo. "This could be painful- let's do it!"

    Now there's a fun, Muppety conversation... They're so cute when they're baffled...

    Oh, that's WONDERFUL, Pepe! So deep! So philosophical! Just take one step at a time! Okay, here we go, we take one step... Um... in which direction, Pepe?

    Not if she sees you.

    YAAAAAAAAAAAY! Now go back to your frog, Piggy! <Wishes it was a more figurative trashing to go with the literal one> :halo:

    Well, of course he's discreet- he's a comedy bear! Humor is his specialty, and goodness knows, his specialty is all in the subtlities...

    Hokey pokey? Well, if you insist. <Puts right hand in> <puts right hand out> <puts right hand in> <shakes it all about> <does the hokey pokey> <turns self around> That's what it's all about! ...But anyway, I LOVE that as a Pepe interjection.

    Oh, smart pig, taking the heels off to run. I love that detail. I also love your description of her legs.

    As if she wasn't his problem to begin with...


    Somehow, Rizzo, I don't think that's the kind of hitting she did. I think the kind of hitting she did had more to do with, "HI-YA!" And, Pepe... I think it's too late.

    See? Told you so.

    Ah, the SUSPENSE! Does Piggy see the song the guys were REALLY planning to win the girls back? Or did Fozzie warn them? Or WHAT? OY! TELLLLLLLLLLLLL MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

    ...Link? You are SUCH an idiot. I couldn't disagree with you more! ...Although, you DO have a rotten end of things...

    Anyway. MORE PLEASE!
  3. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Answering questions for Lisa.
    1 Yes, "aliterative" is an actual word.
    2 Yes, Scooter has a girl, Sara. Though not for long as I heard she's marrying someone or getting married later this year.
    Which'd make the gofer single again, but not for long as I happen to have something in mind for the occasion, borrowing or asking for permission to include someone else's fanfic character. More on that later.
    3 The Hatrack was married to the Chair.

    Hope this helps. Post more both of you!
  4. BeakerSqueedom

    BeakerSqueedom Well-Known Member

    XD omg.

    Prawn, update more stories.

    *Looks sweet*

    Or you will face the pot of burning doom!

    *Cackles sinisterly at her boiling pot*

    I mean...or you'll be huggled to death. :3
  5. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    *Looks at boiling pot Claudia brought... You got any skull apples in there? Some skull apple soup would go well with the muffins, erm, biscuits while we wait for more story.
  6. BeakerSqueedom

    BeakerSqueedom Well-Known Member


    Yes my pet! >=D

    >_> *Stuffs apples in there*

    Count, buy the biscuits. XD


    See Prawn-prawn? X3 BWAHAHA! WE PLAN YOUR DOOM!

  7. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    *Adds pieces of biscuit, eye of newt, and some mandrake root to the concoction.
    The better to muffin you with Prawny! *Laughs madly along with Claudia.

    By the by Claudia, how goes it with the drawing? Would send you more, but I'm stumped as to who should be next at the moment.
  8. BeakerSqueedom

    BeakerSqueedom Well-Known Member

    x3 Lol!

    I have been busy with school and mini hurricanes. Computer errors as well.

    I will work on it tommorow. : )

    *Stirs* X3
  9. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    That's OK, when you get the chance is fine. Did you remember to add the ground toadstools? Be fright back, need to get a vile o' blood to help clot, erm thicken the brew.
  10. Fragglemuppet

    Fragglemuppet Well-Known Member

    My goodness, who are you trying to ki..er..I mean, what are you two cookin' up there?

    Ryan, I can't wait to see where this goes from here!

    More please!
  11. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    *Adding the blood. *Innocent look, we're just making some hurry-up nagging brew. Though we could turn it into some goodtime goomba soup if we changed around some of the ingredients...
  12. BeakerSqueedom

    BeakerSqueedom Well-Known Member

    Did not forget them toadstools this time! x3

    We're gonna kil-

    Yes, like Count said! :3 *innocent face*
  13. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Well you have succesfully suceeded in making me fear for my life. So, in spirit of such, I shall go write a new chapter! (And thanks for the muffins gang, soup doesn't look too good, though. :p)
  14. BeakerSqueedom

    BeakerSqueedom Well-Known Member


    X3 *SOB*


    LOL! You go Prawnie!
  15. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Aw... Lost your taste for soup? Just let your juices simmer and your blood boil. Looks like Prawny's gotten himself into a fine kettle of fish. And the fish are just snapping to eat him.
    *Full cryptic cackle.
  16. Leyla

    Leyla Well-Known Member

    Attention please: For those of you anxiously awaiting posting, I'm afraid there's been a delay.

    You see, due to Prawnie's unexpectedly tripping into a gutter, his story, his mind and his mouth must all undergo a thorough cleaning. Don't worry, I'm on the job, bleach and a scrub brush at the ready. I will return Prawnie to you as soon as the job is done, and we can be sure his sparkling reputation is no longer in danger of being tarnished.

    Now... where did I put my javex bottle. Prawnie... don't swallow. This is for your own good.
  17. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Chapter 18

    "But Skeeter, I-"

    "Don’t give me any lip little guy, I just don’t see how that song could win us back."

    "Skeeter, I was just-"

    "Don’t interrupt her, Robin, the orange girl is making some sort of sense."

    "But Aunt Marge, I only wanted to-"

    "Like, you could totally use some help, you know, relationship wise."

    "But I’m only a five year old!"

    "Brawk byuck bawk."

    "She’s right ya know, it’s never too early to start."

    "Exactly," Aunt Marge said. "First rule, no pigs."

    "No catfish-faced co-hosts either," Skeeter said smugly.

    Janice nodded. "Fer sure, or musicians, rully."

    "Bawk brawk bragawk bawk!" Camilla clucked.

    Skeeter clamped her hand over Camilla’s beak. "Uh, don’t mind her, she’s a little hysterical. You know, lack of coffee and all."

    "Honey," Aunt Marge said. "There’s not a person I’ve met on this trip who’s lacking coffee."

    "Skeeter," Robin said. "What did Camilla er... cluck?"

    "Nothing, nothing," Skeeter said. "Just... um, rambling."

    Camilla nipped at Skeeter’s palm. Skeeter shook the pain away, and Camilla clucked rampantly.

    "Uch," Aunt Marge groaned. "She’s complaining about this four-eyed tyrant here, not letting her be with her... what did she say- beaky beau."

    Everyone stared at Aunt Marge. "You understand what she’s... clucking?" Robin asked.

    "Eh, the language is very close to some of the swamp birds," Aunt Marge said.

    "Then, like, why doesn’t Kermit understand her?" Janice asked.

    Aunt Marge shook her head. "The boy was restless as a youth, always cutting foreign language class to see the afternoon matinee at the old picture house."

    "Um, yeah, well-" Skeeter said quickly, realizing she’d been discovered. "It was nice to see the two of you, see you back at the-"

    "Hold on there, missy!" Aunt Marge said, hopping in front of Skeeter’s path. "Perhaps you could explain why the chicken’s in such a tizzy over you!"

    "It’s not me!" Skeeter said defensively. "It’s Gonzo! He’s... luring her in!"

    "Isn’t that... a good thing?" Robin asked.

    "Well... no!" Skeeter said. "Not until they win us back the right way."

    "Didn’t the weirdo already do that for the chicken?" Aunt Marge asked.

    "Bragawk!" Camilla squawked.

    "I think Camilla was pretty happy with what Gonzo did for her," Robin said.

    Skeeter stomped her feet. "I know!" she shouted. "I know she was! I just... I don’t want... I..."

    "Ya wanted your purple boy, and her mustached man to take you two back too, so you weren’t the single... single," Aunt Marge said.

    Skeeter collapsed to her knees. "Yes!"

    "Like," Janice started. "I"m... I’m ready to take Floyd back too."

    Skeeter’s mouth dropped open. "Am I the only one who isn’t satisfied with my man?"

    Everyone exchanged glances. "Yes," the women said.

    "But guys!" Robin shouted. "You have to wait until they do the song!"

    "Robin, that song will not win us back, okay?" Skeeter said. "No matter how much thought, and time, and effort you put into that song, it will not win us back."

    Robin sighed. "But I just can’t believe that you wouldn’t take them back if they sang-"


    Everyone turned around and looked down the sidewalk at Link, pointing right at Aunt Marge. "This is all your fault!"


    "She’s gonna KILL me!" Fozzie screamed as he ran into the theater.

    "Kill you?" Rizzo shouted. "It’s me she’s after!"

    "Si, I had not’ing to do with d’is, hokay?" Pepe said, scooting towards the stage.

    "I don’t care whose fault it is, you’re all dead in my-" Piggy stopped herself and stared Kermit right in those big, un-blinking, Saturn-shaped eyes. "Um."

    "Well, doesn’t that just say it all," Clifford said.

    "Man, that’s the least she’s said in thirty years!" Floyd laughed.

    "Remind me to rip out your vocal chords, mustache," Piggy growled at Floyd.

    "Um, Miss Piggy," Kermit said to the sow. "What are you doing here?"

    "Um, well, Kermit, I was... just... checking out rehearsals!" Piggy said.

    Kermit frowned. "There aren’t any rehearsals today."

    "Oh," she said gruffly. "Then what are you all doing here?"

    "Enjoyin’ our time away from you!" Floyd said.

    Piggy glared down in the band pit. "Well, Kermit one must wonder how you keep a women when you keep such rude company."

    "Why do you think he keeps us around?" Floyd asked.

    "You mean it’s not for our quirky personalities?" Gonzo asked.

    "No," Uncle Deadly said sternly. "Trust me."

    "Hey, Kermit," Fozzie said. "What are you doing anyway?"

    Kermit gulped and looked at Piggy, who smirked and tapped her foot impatiently.

    "Testing the tune of the instruments," Rowlf interjected.

    Kermit grinned. "Yes, exactly."

    "Well then why is Gonzo here?" Rizzo asked. "He doesn’t play an instrument."

    "That’s not true!" Gonzo said. "I play the frog horn!"

    "You do what?" Kermit asked.

    "I think he means the foghorn, boss," Scooter said.

    "Why would someone play de foghorn?" Pepe asked.

    "This is Gonzo we’re talking about," Clifford said.

    "Good point," Kermit replied.

    Sam Eagle slowly walked on to the stage. "...I’ve been listening this... madness backstage."

    Twenty pairs of eyes stared at Sam. He looked around at all of them. "And I have just one thing to say... You are all sick and weird."

    Kermit scrunched up his face. "There’s the news, now for the weather."

    The Muppet Newsman came charging onto the stage. "This is a Muppet weather update! There is-"

    "Just an expression, Todd," Kermit said to the newsman.

    "I didn’t know he had a name," Fozzie said.

    The Muppet Newsman stared down at Kermit. "I don’t!"

    "Weirdos," Sam reiterated.

    "Sam, what are you even doing here?" Kermit asked.

    "Um, well..." Sam said. "I came... to ask you something, Kermit."

    "No, Sam, I will not cleanse the show of weirdos," Kermit said.

    "Are you sure?" Uncle Deadly asked.

    "No... not- not that," Sam said.

    "No, I won’t make Pepe take a U.S. citizenship test," Kermit said.

    "Grathius, hokay?" Pepe said.

    "No, no, as much as I wish that would happen... no," Sam said quietly.

    "Well then what?" Piggy shouted.

    "I-I, uh, well..." Sam stuttered.

    "Oh, just spit it out already," Rizzo said.

    "May I take your aunt for a night on the town?" Sam said quickly.

    Kermit stood quietly for awhile, all eyes shifting from him to the eagle.

    "Rowlf..." Kermit said quietly.

    "Yeah, Kermit?" Rowlf asked.

    "I think I just blunk," Kermit said.

    "Blinked," Scooter corrected him.

    "Right," Kermit said. "Gotta get used to the terminology."

    "Um, Kermit?" Sam asked.

    Kermit gulped. "Well, uh, Sam," Kermit said. "I guess... if you want to... who am I to... stop you?"

    "Her nephew," Sam said blankly.

    Kermit turned to Fozzie, who shrugged. "Okay Sam, you have my permission."

    Sam gasped happily. "Oh! Thank you! Thank you, Kermit!" Sam started to run out. "I must go find my Propecia!"

    "I still think it’s a toupe," Scooter said.

    Kermit turned back to Piggy. "Uh, oh yeah, Piggy, what did you need?"

    Piggy frowned. "Nothing! Never mind! I’ve gotta go find Link...y poo," she said, leaving the theater.

    Rowlf turned to Kermit. "Well that was fun," Rowlf said.

    Kermit shook his head. "Let’s just get back to rehearsing that song."
  18. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Yes... You do that boys. And you get back to writing the next chapter Prawny. Yaey! So much goodness here, will come back later and post some thoughts. Though Lisa'll probably beat me to it.

    Thanks Prawny. Post more please!
  19. redBoobergurl

    redBoobergurl Well-Known Member

    He he, Sam wants to take Aunt Marge on a date! That's perfect! And poor Robin, he's so cute and he's trying to get the girls to listen. And then the girls, it's hilarious only Skeeter is holding out now! I can't wait until they hear the song that was intended for them!
  20. BeakerSqueedom

    BeakerSqueedom Well-Known Member


    Sam getting all nervous.

    Pepe needs U.S papers.


    I love this story. x3

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