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Muppet Fan-Fiction: Weddings Are Disastrous

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by theprawncracker, May 18, 2008.

  1. RedPiggy

    RedPiggy Well-Known Member

    *marathon reads*





    Sheesh ...

    I shoulda been reading this from the start...
  2. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Huh? If you shoulda been reading this from the start, then you shoulds read the first part of the trilogy, Men Are Pigs. Then Pre-Wedding Jitters which segways into this story right here, the second of Prawny's three-part tale. Unless the plans have changed o duke of chutney, chest of drawers, cracker of prawns?
  3. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Nope nope. It's still a trilogy. I just can't promise that each sequel will subsequently follow the other in the order I write my fics. ;)

    And thank you VERY much RedPiggy! I'm so glad you're enjoying it! :D
  4. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Chapter 30

    Uncle Deadly sipped his small porcelain tea cup slowly. She flipped through the pages of a tattered copy of War and Peace (“I’ve spent my entire afterlife reading this book—and I’m still not done!”). He reached down and gently turned one of the wrinkled pages—extremely careful not to tear it.

    He heard the front door of the theater fly open and bang against the wall.

    Uncle Deadly growled and crumpled the page of his book that was torn out in his hand, tossing it into the dimly lit fire in the fireplace behind him.

    The phantom stalked off into the rafters of the Muppet Theater and peered down. He smirked slightly and jumped down, landing softly on the floor.

    “Hi-ho Uncle Deadly!” Kermit said, waving airily at the blue creature. Uncle Deadly couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen Kermit this happy. “We’re here!”

    “So you are,” Uncle Deadly said, folding his arms. “And you got all dressed up to come see me. How pleasant.”

    Miss Piggy giggled and slid her hand into Kermit’s. “Vous didn’t tell him Kermie?” she asked.

    Kermit shrugged slightly. “It must’ve slipped my mind.”

    “That’s not the only thing that’ll be slipping,” Uncle Deadly said. “I assume you’re just slipping in to say hello?”

    “Not exactly,” Kermit said. The frog pointed to the stage and Deadly turned around.

    Onstage there was a long table reaching across nearly the entire length of the stage. It was set for twelve places and the spotlight was angled on it perfectly.

    Uncle Deadly looked back at Kermit with a distraught gaze. “You’re not seriously—”

    Kermit shrugged again. “We had to involve you somehow!” he said proudly.

    Deadly’s usually stone-still expression grew flustered. “But that means—”

    The doors blew open again with a rush from celebrities, monsters, birds, bears, frogs—everything. Uncle Deadly groaned. “This is going to be a mess to clean up,” Uncle Deadly said.

    Beauregard popped up at Uncle Deadly’s shoulder. “Leave that to me!” the janitor declared proudly.

    Uncle Deadly rubbed his forehead soothingly. “Thank you Kermit,” he said to the frog.

    Kermit ran forward and wrapped his arms around Uncle Deadly’s awkward shoulders. “I want all of my friends to be part of my wedding,” said the frog.

    Uncle Deadly smiled and patted Kermit’s back gently. “Thank you Kermit,” he said softly. “Sincerely.”


    Clifford tapped the end of the microphone several times, to make sure it was on.

    It was on.

    “Hey, hey, cats and dogs,” Clifford said into the microphone. “And frogs, bears, chickens, and stuff! Welcome to the first—and hopefully last—wedding reception for Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy! Give it up for ‘em!”

    It was decided not to have food at the reception—it would be easier than finding something everyone could eat without being offended—or eaten.

    After the applause from the crowd cleared Clifford nodded slowly and chuckled. “Since Kerm could fit me into the wedding party—I’m not holdin’ a grudge though, honest—he’s lettin’ me act as emcee to thee! He he he!” Clifford laughed.

    “Don’t push it,” Kermit called out from the center of the table.

    “You got it Kerm,” Clifford said with a laugh. “Now ladies and gentlemen, we’ll get things started with a song from our very own house band—Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem!”

    Dr. Teeth and the rest of the band entered on stage in Clifford’s place, carrying their instruments with them. “Mobile Mayhem,” Dr. Teeth mused as he sat his keyboard onstage.

    Animal tossed his drum set off of his back and they crashed onto the hardwood floor with a thud. “Ah! Wed-ding! Wed-ding!” Animal shouted.

    “Like, no,” Janice said—still wearing her bridesmaid dress, but not carrying her usual lead guitar, “reception. Weren’t you paying attention?”

    Zoot woke up from his apparent nap with a start. “Wha?” he asked. “Payin’ attention to what?”

    “Forget it man,” Floyd said as he ankled over to the microphone. “We’ve got a song to sing.”

    The band finished setting up quickly. Miss Piggy turned to Kermit and frowned. “What are vous planning with them, Kermie?” she asked.

    Kermit smiled back at his new wife and answered with a kiss on the cheek.

    Floyd adjusted the microphone to his level and cleared his throat into it. “As lead singer of the Electric Mayhem,” Floyd said, “it takes an extreme lack of pride and a whole lot of embarrassment to sing this next song.”

    “Kermie…” Miss Piggy whispered out of the corner of her mouth.

    Kermit grinned and wrapped his hand around Piggy’s.

    “Ready on the band stand?” Floyd asked the band.

    “Right on,” Dr. Teeth called, giving a thumbs up.

    “Mm,” Floyd said with a solemn nod. His eyes shut tight and the music began to play. Janice revealed a violin and let out a long strand of notes as Dr. Teeth played a light riff on the piano.

    Never before,” Floyd sang gently.
    Have two souls joined so freely—and so fast
    For them this is the first time and the last
    Is this an angel’s wish for men?
    Never before and never again.”

    Dr. Bunsen and Beaker poked their heads out from behind the stage curtains. Bunsen was holding a device with a large red button on it—which he pushed without a second thought.

    The first ten rows red theater seats suddenly disappeared—it seemed as if the floor just flipped over to create a dance floor.

    Kermit stood up from his chair and held out his hand to Miss Piggy. “Shall we dance?” he asked smoothly.

    Miss Piggy swooned and grabbed Kermit’s hand as they descended down to the dance floor.

    And where to find the words
    To sing its worth,” Floyd continued.
    This love was bound for heaven
    Not for Earth.
    This love was met with boos and stares
    But when they touched, they made it theirs.

    And could they take it back?
    Oh no, they wouldn’t dare.
    Why should they take it back?
    When there’s enough
    To share with all the world
    And fill the heavens above
    With leftover love—

    Kermit and Miss Piggy’s dance wasn’t extravagant. They simply held each other tight and swayed to the music, both resting on each other’s shoulder, both completely immersed in each other and their movement.

    A spotlight shown down upon them—but they didn’t notice. Hundreds of their closest friends and family watched them—but they didn’t notice. All they knew for sure was that they were together, and they were in love, and they were finally married.

    Floyd was now totally immersed in the song, not caring if it was hip or groovy. It was music, and it was making at least two people happy, and so he continued:

    Never before,” he crooned heartily.
    A love that keeps on growing—on and on
    To fill each lover’s heart and light the dawn
    Is this an angel’s wish… for men?
    Never before! And never again!” Floyd sang, holding the last word for a few seconds.

    Floyd pulled back from the microphone and took a deep breath into his lungs. “Never befooooooooore,” he sang, holding the note much longer than the previous one. The music climaxed and Floyd took a brave step forward. “And never agaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-aaaa-aaah-aaaahh-ahhh-aahhh-ahhhhhhhhhh—in!

    Floyd collapsed on the floor, his lungs completely void of oxygen. The crowd applauded and laughed praising Floyd for his performance. Kermit and Miss Piggy gave their own applause. Floyd stood up, stumbling once, and grabbed the microphone for support. “How in the name of Elvis’ kneecaps did you do that?” Floyd asked Miss Piggy, panting wildly.

    Miss Piggy flipped her hair proudly. “Some things are best left to us talented performers,” she said.

    Floyd shook his head. “If I find out you doctored that track—” he muttered. “Happy wedding day, you two!”

    “Thank you Floyd,” Kermit said.

    “Anytime green stuff!”

    Kermit nudged Miss Piggy lightly. She looked down at her feet and mumbled something.

    “Gotta speak up Miss P.,” Floyd called out from the stage. “Couldn’t hear ya. Want the mic?” he asked with his raspy laugh.

    “Thank you Floyd,” Miss Piggy said honestly. “That was… wonderful.”

    “Yeah, yeah,” Floyd said. “I’m sure I owed ya one for all those pig cracks.”

    Miss Piggy smirked. “You’re just lucky moi doesn’t keep count,” she said.

    “Ah,” The Count said, gliding onto the dance floor next to the married couple. “Allow me! I only charge a nominal fee.”

    “Would that be violating child labor laws?” Rizzo asked, perched on the top of a seat that wasn’t sent to the basement.

    “No, no,” Bob reassured the rat. “Just child entertainer labor laws.”

    “Which are probably even stricter,” Gordon joked.

    “How else could they keep us on the same show for nearly forty years?” Maria asked.

    “Yes,” Grover said happily from his seat onstage at the wedding party table. “And how else could they keep me looking so young a spry!”

    “Well it certainly ain’t Botox,” Rizzo remarked.

    “Botox starts with the letter B,” Ernie said. “Right Bert—hey, Bert is a B word too!” Ernie laughed, patting Bert on the back repeatedly.

    Bert frowned and shook his head. “Let’s not start that again,” Bert pleaded.

    Kermit shook his head. “Shall we go mingle with our guests?” he asked Miss Piggy.

    Miss Piggy shrugged. “I suppose,” she said. “As long as vous promise moi another dance tonight.”

    Kermit smiled. “We have the rest of our lives to dance, Miss Piggy,” he said. Miss Piggy gave Kermit a look that sifted right through him. He squirmed nervously. “Er… but of course I’ll dance again tonight,” he said.

    “Good answer,” Miss Piggy said, sweeping away to go talk to her jealous celebrity acquaintances.

    “Well this is going well, Kermit,” Fozzie said, approaching Kermit.

    Kermit nodded. “Yup,” he said. “And we’re all really eager to hear your speech.”

    Fozzie bit onto his bottom lip nervously. “Speech?” he asked. “What speech?”

    Kermit stared at Fozzie, un-amused. “Fozzie as the best man you have to make a speech. You didn’t write a speech?”

    “Well…” Fozzie said, staring down at his feet. “Not exactly…”

    Kermit gulped. “Is there a problem?” he asked, concerned.

    “Oh, no!” Fozzie shouted. “No prob-lem! I can handle this! I can cope! Don’t worry about a thing, Kermit!” The bear shouted before running off.

    Kermit shook his head. “Yeah right… like I won’t worry.” Kermit sighed and went off to shake hands and give hugs to everyone at the reception.

    He was going to be exhausted after this.

    Unfortunately, he didn't plan on sleeping much that night.
  5. AnimatedC9000

    AnimatedC9000 Well-Known Member

    *claps for Floyd!* *laughs when he collapses* Seriously, how does she do it? XD

    That was very sweet, Prawnie. It was a very touching performance. I can't wait for the rest of the reception.

  6. Colbynfriends

    Colbynfriends Well-Known Member

    Wedding Reception! W00t! I liked Floyd singing "Never Before and Never Agian", and Piggy and Floyd's interaction at the end of the song. And I have learned something I won't soon forget, Botox starts with the letter B. XD
  7. RedPiggy

    RedPiggy Well-Known Member

    Just loved it, especially Floyd's rendition.
  8. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Chapter 31

    “Kermin! Kermin, hokay!” Pepe the Prawn called as he ran up to Kermit’s side.

    “One second,” Kermit said to a high-grossing celebrity he was talking with. He turned to face Pepe and said, “Pepe, what is it?”

    “Es Miss Piggy—she wants jou to come see d’is, hokay,” Pepe esplai—explained.

    Kermit frowned. “Good grief,” he said. “Can’t it wait?”

    “Hmm-mm,” Pepe said, shaking his head quickly. “She said es very important, hokay—she said he’s busy and has to leave, hokay!”

    Kermit groaned. “Okay.”

    “Hokay?” Pepe asked.

    “Okay!” Kermit shouted, aggravated with the repetition.

    “Hokay!” Pepe said defensively.

    Kermit turned back to the celebrity and apologized for having to hop and then followed Pepe to where Miss Piggy was standing near the exit talking to an almost completely bald man—with what little hair he had left turning significantly white. He wore glasses and smiled at Kermit as he approached.

    “Hi-ho,” Kermit said to the man. “Thanks for coming, mister… eh… I’m sorry… I’m afraid I don’t know you. Are you on Miss Piggy’s side?”

    The man shrugged. “You could say that,” he said, with a deep, eerily familiar voice.

    “He worked under moi for many, many years,” Miss Piggy explained.

    “Ah ha, I see,” Kermit said, nodding. “Another chauffer?” Kermit asked.

    “More or less,” the man said. “I took her everywhere she went.”

    “Sounds like a chauffer to me, hokay,” Pepe said, reminding everyone he was still there.

    “Well what do you do now, mister… erm…” Kermit said, trying to lead the man into the answer again.

    “Frank,” he said. “Call me Frank. Right now I’ve got this little career as a director—”

    “Ah,” Kermit said. “What sort of plays do you direct?”

    “Not plays,” Frank said. “I direct a film here and there.”

    “Mm,” Kermit said, nodding understandably—his demeanor becoming less enthusiastic now. “I see. Well Frank, ya see, we’ve already—” the frog stopped himself, remembering Miss Piggy’s presence (how could you forget it?). “Erm… we’re not really in the market for a director right now.”

    “Si, si, so d’at’s it,” Pepe said, pushing up against Frank. “T’anks for coming to de wedding, hokay, but we don’t need jour kind here! Bye bye mister ‘director’—if d’is es what jou really do!”

    “Hold on a se—” Miss Piggy started.

    “Don’t worry about it,” Pepe said. “We’ll handle it, hokay! Bobo!” Pepe called.

    The large brown bear popped up and grabbed Frank by the arm. “Alright fella, that’s enough. We don’t need any of your weddin’ crashing kind here! C’mon now, off ya go!” Bobo said, pulling Frank out of the theater.

    “Sorry about that Piggy,” Kermit said. “I thought I told Scooter to keep those guys out.”

    “Vous did,” Miss Piggy said. “But I told Scooter to let him in.”

    Kermit scrunched up his face. “You’re so desperate for a role that you’d turn to someone you don’t even know?” he asked.

    Miss Piggy groaned. “Never mind,” she said. “It’s not worth it.”

    “Don’t worry Miss Piggy,” Kermit said, grabbing her hand. “I’m sure we’ll get back into movies soon.”

    “It wasn’t about—Oh, whatever,” Piggy grumbled.

    Gonzo popped up, on cue. “You called?” he asked.

    “Not purposefully,” Kermit said.

    “Rats!” Gonzo declared.

    Rizzo jumped up next to Gonzo. “You called?” he asked.

    “That joke is so old,” Miss Piggy groaned.

    Statler and Waldorf popped up on the other side of the newlyweds. “You called?” they asked in unison.

    “No,” Kermit said. “And we’re not calling anyone else either—it’s getting crowded!”

    “I’ve been sayin’ that for years,” Statler said.

    “True,” Waldorf said. “We could just get rid of a few people…”

    “Or the whole cast!” Statler decided.

    “You called?” the entire theater asked in unison, taking one collective step forward towards Kermit and Miss Piggy—who were now squished against the back wall.

    Kermit wiggled his head out of the crowd and sighed. “And here I thought there wouldn’t be enough room here for the reception,” he said wearily.


    “Break time, green stuff!” Floyd called out to Kermit through the microphone.

    “I’m back here,” Kermit said from the wedding party table behind the band.

    “Mm, right,” Floyd said with a blink. He and the band removed themselves from the stage and Clifford entered to take control of the microphone.

    “Give it up again for the Electric Mayhem!” Clifford said, garnering the applause from the crowd. “Heh heh. Well, while the band breaks—”

    “BREAK! BREAK!” Animal shouted from backstage.

    Clifford scratched his head. “Bad choice of words,” he said. “While the band uh… well what word can I use?”

    Siesta,” Rosita suggested from the crowd. “Siesta means ‘nap’ or ‘break’ in Spanish,” she explained.

    “And siesta also happens to be the Spanish word of the day!” Grover declared.

    Clifford rubbed his forehead. “We’re not on Sesame Street anymore,” he said.

    “Are we in de Munchkinland d’en?” Pepe asked.

    “Do you see any munchkins?” Rizzo asked.

    “Just jou, shorty,” said Pepe.

    “Any wHo,” Clifford said, distracting the violent vermin. “While the band takes a siesta, I’m turnin’ the mic over to our very own Fozzie Bear. The best man—”

    “Yeah, but the worst bear!” Waldorf called down from the balcony.

    Clifford shook his head. “Now I remember why I didn’t wanna get renewed for another season,” he said. “Ladies and gentlemen, Fozzie Bear with his speech!”

    Fozzie’s regular musical theme played as he stood up from the wedding party table, straightening his pink polka dotted bowtie and took to the microphone. Fozzie cleared his throat and grinned wildly at the crowd. “Hiya, hiya, hiya!” he said. “You’re a wonderful looking audience—and an even more wonderful looking couple! Ahh! Let’s hear it for them folks, my best friends Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy!”

    The audience whooped and hollered for the couple who blushed at the cheering.

    Fozzie nodded. “You know, I’ve known Kermit for over thirty years! I’ve known Miss Piggy that long too, but she won’t let me say it ‘because she doesn’t want people to think she’s that old! Ahh!” Fozzie joked. “Just kidding Miss Piggy,” he reassured the bride. “Kermit is my best friend in the whole wide world! And I think I’m his—”

    “You are Fozzie,” Kermit said with a smile. “Don’t worry.”

    “Ahh! Good!” Fozzie said. “We’ve been through everything together! Two T.V. shows, eight movies—and counting, tons of specials, countless jokes—”

    “And about three good ones!” Statler said, he and Waldorf cracking up afterwards.

    “Hey, you stole my next joke!” Fozzie scolded the hecklers. “Ahh! Just kidding folks, that’s what I do, I kid! But I’d never have a kid… I’ll leave that one to the frog and the pig! Wocka! Wocka!

    “Oh but I hope Kermit and Miss Piggy do have kids someday, I’ve always wanted to be an uncle—but I would never spoil the kids, no way! I’d just give them the bear necessities! Ahh! Get it? I know you do Mickey! Ahh!”

    Mickey Mouse shook his head. “Do you always deliver the bare minimum, Fozzie?” Mickey joked.

    “Ooh, hey,” Statler said, “the mouse is taking our job!” he said to Waldorf.

    “Finally! Now we don’t have to work with the Muppets anymore!” Waldorf said.

    “I never thought I’d be so happy for forced retirement,” Statler said.

    “I did!” Waldorf added.

    “Do ho ho ho!”

    “Anyway,” Fozzie said, breaking away from the heckles (for now), “Kermit and Miss Piggy have had an on again off again/will they won’t they relationship for so long, some people thought Kermit’s proposal on Max was a puppet!

    “But the biggest question everyone had,” Fozzie continued, “is… what about the wedding at the end of The Muppets Take Manhattan? Well… that’s a good question! I don’t know how to explain it either! Ahh!”

    “Is this a speech or a monologue?” Statler asked.

    Waldorf shrugged. “I can’t tell—both have put me to sleep!”

    “Do ho ho ho!”

    “But seriously folks,” Fozzie said seriously, “I’m really, really happy for both Kermit and Piggy. I don’t know any two people who love each other so much, and hit each other just as much—well… Miss Piggy does all of the hitting I guess. But she does it with love!”

    “Nah,” Floyd called from off-stage. “She just loves to do it!” He laughed heatedly.

    “Kermit and Piggy will always love each other, though,” Fozzie said. “Through thick and thin, show after show, karate chop after karate chop—nothing could bring these two apart. And to think—they met at a county fair—but, wait, no… that’s just approximately how it happened.”

    “Right,” Rizzo said, “in da movie… Piggy won da beauty contest!”

    “C’mon guys,” Fozzie scolded. “We give Miss Piggy a lot of flack around here, but we still love her just as much as anyone else in our family. Though… we don’t love her as much as Kermit does.”

    “Thank goodness,” all of the male Muppets declared.

    “Kermit, Miss Piggy, from the bottom of my heart,” Fozzie said, turning around to face them. “I love you guys,” he said quietly. He raised a glass of champagne he was hiding somewhere and toasted it to the bride and groom. “Here’s to just as many years of loving each other as husband and wife as you’ve had loving each other in a ‘professional relationship.’”

    “Kermit’s a professional and Miss Piggy thinks they’re in a relationship,” the audience recited the tired line while they clinked their own glasses together.

    “Well, now no one will think that anymore,” Fozzie said. “They’ll know.”

    The crowd applauded Fozzie as he bowed and motioned to Kermit and Piggy, making the applause louder. “Now,” Fozzie said, “I think Kermit has something to say to Miss Piggy.”

    Fozzie pulled the microphone out of its stand and carried it over to Kermit. Kermit smiled sincerely at his best friend. “I love you Fozzie,” Kermit told the bear.

    “Aww,” Fozzie said. “I know ya do.”

    Kermit stood up from his chair as Fozzie sat down in his. He brought the microphone to his mouth and started to speak, “Miss Piggy…”

    “Yes my love?” she asked sweetly.

    “I… I have a present for you,” Kermit said.

    Miss Piggy gasped. “A gift? For moi? Really? Oh Kermie, vous shouldn’t have! What is it?” she asked quickly.

    Kermit squirmed slightly. “Well… er… you see… it’s… Miss Piggy, I got you a movie,” he said proudly.

    Miss Piggy stared at her frog. “A movie?”

    “Yes ma’am,” Kermit said. “A movie.”

    “I’ve given you my heart for over thirty years,” Piggy shouted, “and all you give me is a lousy movie?”

    Kermit shrunk down, completely unprepared for this response. “Y-y-yes…?”

    “Is it at least on Blu-Ray?” Piggy growled.

    Kermit stopped and returned himself to full height. “Wait… you think that—oh! No, no Miss Piggy!”

    “Uch, just DVD then? Figures,” Piggy grumbled.

    “No, no,” Kermit said. “Miss Piggy, a movie—a new movie! Starring you Miss Piggy!”

    Miss Piggy did a double take. “Moi? A new movie? Really? Oh Kermie, that’s wonderful! Which classic story are we commandeering this time, hmm?”

    Kermit scrunched up his face. “I asked the same question,” he said. “But… we’re not Miss Piggy. You’ll get to play you—you’ll get to be yourself, you’ll get to—”

    We will get to show our love for each other?” Miss Piggy swooned.

    Kermit frowned. “Something like that.”

    “Oh how marvelous!” Miss Piggy said happily. “Which station will we be on? ABC again? Because Kermit, I gotta tell ya, the dressing rooms there are sties!”

    Kermit smirked. He grabbed Miss Piggy’s hand and held it tight. “Miss Piggy,” he said to her.

    “Yes Kermie?”

    “You’re going back to the big-screen.”

    “AHHHHHHHHHHH!” Miss Piggy screamed—now up from her chair. “AHHHHHHHHHH!”

    “That’s more like it,” Kermit said with a smile.

    “The—the big screen?” she asked giddily. “It’s been almost ten years, Kermie! Oh! Oh! Oh! I’ve gotta lose some weight if I’m gonna be that big! Oh Kermie!” Miss Piggy reached around Kermit’s neck and squeezed him tight. “Who could ask for anything more?”

    Kermit squirmed. “I thought you’d enjoy the gift,” he said.

    “Oh I do, I do,” Piggy said. “And vous just found out today?”

    “Umm… no.”

    Miss Piggy dropped Kermit from her grasp. “What?” she asked. “How long have you known?”

    Kermit gulped. “F-four months…”

    “Four months?” she shouted. “And vous didn’t tell moi?”

    “I-I-I wanted it to be a surprise,” Kermit said.

    “Well then who knew about it? Hmm?” she asked haughtily.

    “Well,” Kermit said nervously, “that is, you see Miss Piggy… everyone found out but you.”

    “That’s it!” Piggy shrieked. “HI-YA!”

    Kermit braced himself for the hit.

    It never came.

    He looked up, shaking, at Miss Piggy smirking down at him.

    That is for fooling moi,” she said.

    Kermit shook wildly. “I-i-it certainly was!”

    Miss Piggy laughed airily. “I love you Kermie,” she said, kissing him on the lips. “Thank you for the gift.”

    The crowd clapped as Kermit tried to regain composure of himself and Clifford came back to move the reception along.

    “So who wrote this script anyhow?” Miss Piggy whispered to Kermit later as the band returned to the stage.

    “Well,” Kermit said proudly. “I did, actually.”

    “Vous, Kermie?” Miss Piggy asked. “Is that why you were so secretive around moi?”

    Kermit shrugged. “Did you think I was seeing another woman?”

    Miss Piggy rolled her eyes. “Kermit c’mon, moi would never stoop down to that level.”

    “Then why did you have Scooter spying on me?” Kermit asked with a smirk.

    Miss Piggy stared at Kermit. “…Let’s agree never to mention this moment again, shall we?”

    Kermit laughed. “Deal,” he said.
  9. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member


    FRANK! The "calling"! The monologue/speech! The heckling! Professional relationship! HE FINALLY TOLD HER WHEEEEEEEEEEEE! And all the clarifications there and OOH the almost-karate-chop and why was Scooter spying and WHEE! Never speak of the moment again... <Laughs!>

    <HUGS!> Prawnie you rock my socks off! MORE PLEASE! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
  10. AnimatedC9000

    AnimatedC9000 Well-Known Member

    I would hug you and leave an excited review... but I don't have the energy. X_X At least think of this as a wonderful, well-written review that gives you nothing but praise, Prawnie.

    ~ AnimatedC
  11. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    *sniff* That was beautiful. The most well written excited review I've ever seen. ;)

    Thanks Cait! (((HUGS)))
  12. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Huh? Are you sure you just didn't remember to put your socks on again?
  13. Muppetfan44

    Muppetfan44 Active Member

    Sorry I haven't commented earlier, but I loved the last two chapters.

    Floyd's rendition of never before while Kermit and Piggy danced was great! So cute and romantic, what else could a girl ask for? And Kermit's comment about not sleeping much that night, loved it, totally on the edge of PG! ;)

    The bit with Frank was also great, but it kind of left me confused. What else was Piggy trying to say about Frank? Did it have to do with MTM? I hope that gets cleared up before the story ends

    Fozzie's speech was asbolutely adorable, a perfect fit for Fozzie and the occasion. Very well-written!

    Piggy loved her present! yay!

    Totally loving it! Can't wait for more, so post more soon please! :)
  14. redBoobergurl

    redBoobergurl Well-Known Member

    SQUEEL! Just read the last two chapters and OMG FRANK! I loved the rest of it too, but FRANK! And Miss Piggy's reaction to the movie was priceless. Love it, hug it, squeeze it, WANT MORE, even though I know it's coming to the end. Then you have another one for us right? :)
  15. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Well duh... ;)

    But... not necessarily the third installment... *shifty eyes*
  16. RedPiggy

    RedPiggy Well-Known Member

    That was so awesome.
  17. Muppetfan44

    Muppetfan44 Active Member


    Any Updates?

    Totally in suspense on how the rest of the reception goes, and where they end up going on the honeymoon. Still a little confused on the frank appearance, but loved it just the same!

    Please post more soon so I can have something interesting to read after working all Labor Day in the office! :cry:

    Best wishes
  18. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Chapter 32

    The weary traveler stared down at the piece of human paper in his hands.

    He would never understand why these silly creatures would ever think making their writing curly would make it easier to read. He shook his mustachioed head and grumbled. He stomped forward across the “street” in the evening light, his thin brown tail dusting the “road” beneath him.

    The large moving creatures that drifted along the ground with large, bright lights beaming from their eyes were no longer intimidating to the explorer. He’d gotten used to the fact that they wouldn’t hit him—if he moved fast enough.

    He still didn’t understand the stiff, unmoving red creatures that were about his height that adorned most of the corners. He figured they were just really tired, or only moved when no one was looking.

    The short, furry creature wearing a pith helmet and a tan coat approached the door of the large building with a blinking red sign at the top of it. A bulky harsh looking brown creature with a wrinkled head that gave off a permanently confused look stood guarding the door.

    “What is a cave monster doing here?” the explorer mumbled. “There is no cave here!”

    “Hold it there little fella,” Bobo the Bear said to the fuzzy voyager. “Name please.”

    The creature gasped. “You speak my language?” he asked in awe.

    Bobo flipped through the papers on his clipboard and read through them. “Mmm… nope, no one with that name on here, heh heh, try again pal,” Bobo said.

    “Traveling Matt Fraggle,” Traveling Matt Fraggle told the bear. “The first Fraggle in Outer Space!”

    “Ooh-hoo,” Bobo said. “A celebrity, huh? Well, let me tell you bub, we’ve got lots of celebrities in there and I can’t just let anyone in, ya know. Let me see if you’re on the list.”

    Bobo skimmed the list again. Traveling Matt looked around and stared at the door in front of him. He looked up at the massive creature. Matt trembled slightly, then made a break for the door, out of Bobo’s sight.

    By the time Bobo looked up from his clipboard, Matt was long gone. “Huh,” he said, scratching his ear thoughtfully. “Musta realized he wasn’t on the list. Heh heh, but I found his name right here. Funny little guy. Ah well,” Bobo sighed contentedly as he sat down in the fold-away chair sitting outside the theater. He closed his eyes, leaned back, and started to hum a tune he made up as he went.

    Matt Fraggle was, obviously, blown away by the inside of the theater he entered. Drooping red curtains adorned the back of the room and loud, colorful things flew through the air and the ground at a frightening pace.

    A blue creature with a long, curved nose entered Matt’s personal bubble alarmingly. “Hi!” Gonzo the Great said excitedly.

    Matt pulled back his face nervously. “Hello yourself,” he said.

    “Welcome to the Kermit and Miss Piggy wedding reception! We don’t have any food, but we might have disease! Ha ha!” Gonzo laughed wildly.

    Traveling Matt gulped. “Are you some breed of poison cackler?” Matt asked, examining the weirdo from head to toe.

    Gonzo scratched his head. “I’m not really sure! What are you? A cat? A mouse maybe?”

    Traveling Matt stood up straight and proud. “I am a Fraggle. The noblest of all creatures.”

    “Cool!” Gonzo shouted. “I don’t think we have any nobility here,” he said. “B.B. King didn’t make it…”

    “I don’t understand this,” Matt said. “What’s going on here anyway?”

    “I told you,” Gonzo said, “the wedding reception for Kermit and Miss Piggy!”

    “Are they Fraggles too?” Traveling Matt asked.

    The whatever tilted his head to the side. “Are you from the union?”

    “I have no idea,” Matt said.

    “Must be from the union,” Gonzo muttered. “Uh, well, everything’s up to par here! Take a look around wherever you want…” Gonzo laughed nervously. He pushed the flustered Fraggle towards the middle of the theater.

    Traveling Matt clenched his backpack straps tightly. He eyed the surroundings, visibly shaking, and wondered why he wandered into this horrific place.

    “Oh yes,” he mumbled, “I was invited…”

    Traveling Matt meandered carefully through the theater. Gonzo took this opportunity to pull Cookie Monster and Herry Monster aside and whispered closely to them. “Hey fellas, listen,” the weirdo said. “See that… thing over there?” Gonzo pointed towards Traveling Matt who was engaging in conversation with a seat cushion. “Think you can keep an eye on him?”

    Cookie and Herry exchanged glances. “Me not sure,” Cookie Monster grunted. “Me eyes no stay in one place when me head move.”

    “That’s a risk we’re going to have to take,” Gonzo said.

    Herry nodded. “You got it, Gonzo,” he said. “C’mon Cookie Monster, this’ll be fun!”

    Gonzo watched Traveling Matt as the two monsters went to spy on him. “Huh,” he said to himself. “We let so many weirdoes in this place.”


    Floyd slammed his fingers down hard on his guitar strings to clench the last note beautifully. He laughed harmoniously into the microphone and nodded. “It’s all you Clifford,” the beatnik called offstage.

    Clifford strolled onstage casually and slapped hands with the guitarist. “Hey, hey everybod-ay,” he said into the microphone. “Those of you with weak constitutions may wish to leave the theater, ‘cause—”

    “There is no stronger constitution than that of the United States of America!” Sam Eagle declared proudly.

    Clifford shook his head. “Any who,” he said, “this next song is way to cute for words, so try not to get sick. Ladies and gentlemen, Robin and Elmo.”

    Clifford moved from the stage—but not before lowering the microphone stand as far down as it could go.

    Robin and Elmo walked onstage together—both wearing the cutest little tuxedos money could buy. “Hi everybody,” Elmo said into the microphone, waving happily.

    “Elmo and I would like to sing this song for Uncle Kermit and Miss—well, I guess it’s Aunt Miss Piggy now,” Robin said. The crowd chuckled and “aww”’d.

    Elmo nodded. “Elmo is ready to sing; is Robin?” Elmo asked his little green froggy pal.

    “Yup,” Robin nodded. “Happy wedding day Uncle Kermit, Aunt Piggy, we love you!”

    On the dance floor below the stage, Kermit and Miss Piggy readied themselves for another dance with each other. They locked hands and stared into each others eyes and—

    “May I cut in?”

    “May I cut in as well?”

    The newlyweds looked to both sides and realized they were surrounded by Mom and Dad the Frog.

    “Like we can really so no?” Kermit asked with a smirk.

    Kermit and Piggy broke away from each other and steadied themselves alongside Mom and Dad; respectively.

    Dr. Teeth played lightly upon the ivories of his keyboard, opening the notes to the song and releasing them through the theater.

    When the mountain touches the valley,” Robin sang sweetly.
    All the clouds are taught to fly
    Thus, our souls will leave this land
    Most peacefully.”

    Though our minds
    Be filled with questions
    In our hearts we understand
    When the river meets the sea.

    Floyd picked up the tune on his bass, and Janice followed in on lead guitar. Animal tapped in lightly on his cymbals.

    Kermit and Mom and Miss Piggy and Dad swayed lightly to the tune.

    Like a flower that has blossomed,” Elmo continued the song.
    In the dry and baron sand
    We are born, and born again
    Most gracefully.”

    Thus the winds of time will take us
    With a sure and steady hand
    When the river meets the sea.”

    Robin’s parents watched from the wings as their son carried on the song. They met each other’s eye-line once—and made sure not to do it again, even though afterwards they both smiled wistfully.

    Patience my brothers,” the cute duo harmonized.
    And patience my son
    In that sweet and final hour
    Truth and justice will be done.”

    Like a baby when it is sleeping,” Robin soloed.
    In its loving mother’s arms
    What a new-born baby dreams
    Is a mystery.”

    “I love you mom,” Kermit whispered, his head no resting on his mother’s shoulder.

    “I love you too Kermit,” Mom responded. “And I’m so very happy for you.”

    But his life will find a purpose
    And in time he’ll understand
    When the river meets the sea
    When the river meets the almighty sea,” Elmo and Robin sang, holding the last note as the band finished the song.

    Kermit held tight to his mom and she held right back. “You followed your star Kermit,” Mom whispered. “I knew it would lead you exactly where you needed to go.”

    The groom smiled up at his mother and gently kissed her cheek. “Thank you mom—for everything.”

    Miss Piggy and Dad the Frog moseyed over to where Kermit and Mom stood; Piggy was holding Dad’s hand with a huge smile on her face. “Kermie, vous didn’t tell moi your daddy was such a rubbery legged dancer,” Piggy said, sounding rather exhausted.

    Kermit shrugged. “I can’t say I knew, honestly.”

    Mom shimmied over and pulled Dad’s free hand into hers. “I did,” she said.

    Miss Piggy released Dad’s hand and traded it for Kermit’s. “You kids will do just fine,” Dad said, looking them over carefully. “Just fine.”

    “Thanks dad,” Kermit said.

    “Thank you,” Miss Piggy said softly. “Dad.”

    A huge grin swept over Dad’s face and he laughed heartily before he and mom took to the dance floor for the next song.


    “Mee mo-mo-mo mee!”

    “Hush Beaker! We are trying to be covert,” Bunsen chided his assistant.

    Beaker muffled his meeping and tip-toed quietly behind Bunsen, a handheld vacuum cleaner in his… hand.

    Beaker mumbled something in a whisper to Bunsen. Bunsen shook his melon-shaped head slowly. “No, no, he’s in here, I’m sure of it,” Dr. Honeydew insisted.

    “Mee mee me mee mo?”

    “I saw a floating buzz saw enter this dark storage closet,” Bunsen explained. “I knew it wasn’t one of our Muppet Labs Flying Shavers, so I decided to investigate.”

    Beaker shuddered at the mentioning of the razor and clenched on to his bright orange hair protectively.

    Something darted around a wall, knocking over a hat-rack.

    Bunsen and Beaker’s heads turned quickly towards the source of the noise. “Quickly Beaker, turn on the suction!” Dr. Honeydew instructed Beaker, flapping his hands giddily in his assistant’s direction.

    Beaker did as he was told and flipped the little switch to turn on the handheld vacuum.

    Unfortunately for Beaker (duh), he was holding the Muppet Labs Handheld Super-Suction Sucker Designed for Sucking.

    Beaker was dragged around the small storage space and collided with the wall, the invention sucking tightly against it.

    “Bahaha!” Waldo laughed wildly as he morphed back into his normal form. “Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah!” The 3-D bug transformed into a large tongue and blew it at Bunsen. “Nice try melon-head, but ya can’t catch me!”

    Waldo returned back to himself and zipped out of storage in a streak of blue. Dr. Honeydew ran over to Beaker and flipped off the Sucker Designed for Sucking. “Stop it Beaker! Quickly! After him!” Bunsen shouted.

    Beaker sighed heavily and followed Bunsen out towards the stage.

    Waldo popped onto the stage during the middle of a speech from Camilla about the bride and groom and all they’ve done for chicken kind over the years. “Oh, sorry ma’am,” Waldo apologized. “Didn’t mean to interrupt!”

    “Now, Beaker, now!” Dr. Honeydew shouted as he and Beaker appeared onstage just below Waldo.

    Beaker reluctantly flipped the switch of the Sucker Designed for Sucking and held it above his head. It sucked so powerfully that it lifted him up from the stage floor and sent him flying right towards the unsuspecting Waldo at an alarming speed.

    The blue bug disappeared inside the machine and Beaker crashed into the top of the stage, pulling in the crimson red curtains adorning the top of the theater, setting off a chain reaction and sending Beaker to suck up the rest of the curtains on the right side of the stage and making the hapless assistant crash through the stage floor into the basement of the theater.

    Bunsen ran over to the new hole in the stage (as opposed to the old ones) and clapped happily. “Oh Beakie we did it! We caught him! Ho-ho how wonderful!”

    Everyone in the theater stared at Dr. Honeydew, extremely confused. Bunsen nervously put the tips of his fingers against his mouth. “Umm… those curtains certainly needed to be replaced, wouldn’t you say?” Bunsen asked nervously.

    Kermit scrunched up his face. “They do now,” he mumbled.

    Camilla clucked loudly and strutted angrily over to the hole and chaos carried on as normal.

    Kermit sighed happily and stretched his arm around Miss Piggy’s shoulders. “Some things never change,” he told her.

    “Which is why we go on the honeymoon,” Piggy said before swigging a gulp of champagne.

    Kermit nodded. “Exactly.”
  19. TogetherAgain

    TogetherAgain Well-Known Member

    HAAAAAAAAA! Oh those last three lines are BRILLIANT!

    AND! PRAWNIE! PUT ME IN TEARS, WHY DON'TCHA! When the River Meets the Sea... Robin's PARENTS! OY! YOU! <GLOMP>

    And and-- STAAAAAAAAR! <happy sorta whimper> THANK YOU MOM FOR EVERYTHING! And and and PIGGY called Dad, DAD! DUDE I TOTALLY GLOMP YOU! And the comments on Dad's dancing, Kermit didn't know, but MOM knew! <GRINS>

    And and and BEAKER! BUNSEN! WALDO! CAMILLA! The curtains! OY PRAWNIE I LOVE YOU! ! !

    Melikes and me wants MORE PLEASE! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
  20. Colbynfriends

    Colbynfriends Well-Known Member

    Oh my gosh, so unexpected! and Robin and Elmos duet. great.

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