Muppet Fanfic: Something worth waiting for

Leyla

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Okay, here's that update... not sure I really love this one, but let's see what you think.
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Oh, thank you, Kermit, thank you!! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

It was like striking gold while playing lawn darts in the backyard, then remembering your house was situated over an Incan pyramid: a thrilling discovery that, in retrospect, should not have surprised you.

Kermit... of course, Kermit!

“What else do you like about him?”

“Hmmmph... he’s cute when... he’s mad.”

“Uh huh.”

“He’s ...cute when he... mmmm... panics.”

“Can’t argue with that,” Gonzo agreed solemnly as he filed away his brilliant discovery for, heaven forefend, future reference. If you need to keep someone talking, just bring up his or her favorite subject.

Two year old children living in tribes that had never heard of electricity knew Miss Piggy’s favorite subject.

“Always cute... has flippers.”

“So he does. Are they cute?”

“Flippy, cute and flippy.”

“Cute, flippy flippers.”

The faintest ghost of a smile graced her face and her eyes, though still half closed and far away, had regained some of their sparkle. Gonzo felt a bit better as he held her protectively, waiting impatiently for Scooter to return. Poor Piggy had to fight to speak, to listen, to stay awake but, thank goodness, she was undeniably willing to fight for her frog.

Unfortunately, becoming more aware meant becoming more aware of pain, and more worried about the source of the pain.

“My head hurts... where is he? Where’s flipper... frog?” Piggy shifted so that she was actively clinging to him now, helpless as a child, frightened as one newly awoken from a nightmare. “I don’t know where he is.”

Gonzo rubbed her back, as helpless as she to fix this. “Kermit’s in France, Piggy, doing the talk show rounds. Do you remember that?” He felt her head move in a tiny little nod against his neck. She sighed sadly and whispered, “Want Kermie back.”

“Me, too.” Gonzo agreed.

Shortly thereafter, Scooter returned, physically dragging the enormous Sweetums, who was certainly the most trustworthy of the monsters. “Oh, thank goodness. We’re going for a ride now, Piggy.” Gonzo had seen the unnerving vulnerability in her pain-shadowed eyes and knew that panic was not far off. He had never seen the pig actually panic in all the years he’d known her, but even when perfectly in control of her emotions, Piggy was a force to be reckoned with.

“Sweetums here is gonna carry you so we don’t hurt your head, okay? I’ll make sure he keeps them where I can see ‘em so you don’t have to wallop him, Piggy.” Rowlf chuckled softly behind him in easy appreciation.

Reluctantly, Gonzo relinquished her to the monster’s care, watching intently as Sweetums bent down and scooped her up like a baby. He made his way cautiously down the stairs, not helped at all by the Muppets hovering anxiously.

“I called the hospital, so they’re expecting us. How’s she doing?”

“All things considered, I think she should have stayed in bed this morning.”

“Yeah,” the dog snorted softly, “I’m sure she wishes she had.” Fozzie held the door open as they made their way outside. The car was running, doors wide open, ready for their mission of mercy.

“Careful, careful. Oh, don’t touch her ear!”

An anguished shriek tore its way free from her throat as her injured ear brushed against the lip of the door. The wound was reopened and started bleeding profusely as Piggy kicked and writhed in protest.

“Whoa, I’m sorry about that. Hold still!” Sweetums looked as contrite as a long furred, heavy browed, yellow-eyed monster could. Her delicate ears were terribly exposed perched as they were at the top of her head.

Gonzo darted into the backseat from the other side. “Give her to me! Just lay her down!” Sweetums obeyed, releasing her awkwardly onto the seat, her legs still thrashing out the door. The blonde managed to land several good kicks in her panic. Frantically, Gonzo took hold of her under her arms and pulled her up, still struggling, into his lap.

“Piggy, Piggy! Oh, please, calm down! You need to breathe, Piggy, just breathe. I know it hurts- ow!” She clocked him in his prominent nose with a wildly flailing elbow.

“What’s going on? What’s going on?!”

He wound his furry blue arms around her, tucking her head against his shoulder. “It’s okay, I’ve got you. We’re going to the hospital. Everything’s going to be okay.” Then, Gonzo started to sing “Rainbow Connection,” a familiar song usually sung by a very familiar frog. Piggy froze, and then relaxed in his arms, instantly comforted.

Soon Fozzie too was crooning along. Piggy attempted to join in, but dropped wearily out after only a few bars. Still, she listened, occasionally mouthing the words when it suited her. Music hath charms to soothe the… er, well… just about everyone, really.

When she was settled again, Gonzo dropped the song. “Rowlf, are you coming?”

“I better stay here. Scooter wants us to go ahead with the rest of the rehearsal if we can. I’ve got a few numbers-”

“Alright, Fozzie and I will stay with her ‘til we know something more.”

“Should I call Kermit? He’d want to know what happened.”

A funny sort of reluctance gripped Gonzo, but he couldn’t pinpoint a reason for it. “Uh, I don’t know. What do you think, Fozzie?”

The bear looked thoughtful, carefully avoiding looking at the backseat. Finally, he shook his head. “No, don’t call him yet. He won’t be able to do anything, and it will only worry him. I think we should wait until we know that she’s okay.” Good ol’ Fozzie.

“Makes sense. He doesn’t need that kind of stress right now.”

“Kermie?” Piggy clutched Gonzo’s hand tightly, face twisting in renewed worry.

“We better get going.”

Sweetums and Rowlf shut the doors and Fozzie started to drive off when a strident voice called.

“Wait! Wait up! I’m coming too!”

“Rizzo?” The rat thudded into the door without fanfare.

“I’m coming too, open up!”

Rowlf let the little creature into the car and shut the door again.

“Ready?”

“Are we?” Gonzo asked pointedly to Rizzo.

“We are.” Rizzo replied haughtily before giving Piggy’s arm a gentle pat. “Aren’t we, princess?” Piggy didn’t answer.

“Piggy, what do you think Kermit’s best quality is?” Rizzo shot Gonzo a strange look, but his face cleared when Piggy roused herself to give an answer.

“He’s dreamy.” Despite it all, Fozzie rolled his eyes. “And he makes other people dreamy.” They looked at each other, perplexed.

“What the hey?”

But Gonzo sat up straight with sudden insight. “You mean ...he helps them believe in their dreams?”

Piggy smiled tenderly. “Yep. Dreamy.”

“Aw, geez, that’s sweet.” Rizzo muttered, looking away.

Gonzo shook his head wistfully. “You know, I think you’re right. That is his best quality.”

“I believe in me when he’s around.” Piggy sighed with startling clarity, completely unguarded.

“Getting her talking about the frog... that’s good. Your idea?” Rizzo asked softly.

“Yep.”

“Who’da figured?”

“Nice, Rizzo.”

The rat smirked at him before turning his attention back to Piggy. “So, Pigster, you still plan on marrying the frog?”

“...Love my Kermie.”

“Right, right. So tell me about the wedding. What colours are you going with?”

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The ride to the hospital passed quickly, and soon Fozzie had pulled into the emergency lane, parked and leapt out.
“Excuse me, uh, excuse me. Would you mind terribly if-"

“Sir, you can’t park here. This is for emergency vehicles only.”

“Oh, yeah, I know, but it’s just that-”

“No excuses, sir.”

“Right, but-”

“Oh, for crying out loud!” Rizzo, who had been struggling to open the heavy door, finally gave up and rolled down the window. “We got a hurt pig emergency over her! You better get moving now ‘cause this is the Miss Piggy and if she finds out you didn’t treat her properly then the minute she’s back on her feet, you are going to have a hurt pig emergency!”

In seconds the car was surrounded by EMT’s trying to get Miss Piggy out of the car and on to a gurney.

“This is the head injury we were contacted about?”

Gonzo was pulled aside to answer questions about Piggy’s health while Fozzie was presented with a stack of baffling medical forms.

Rizzo strayed a little too close to a four year old in for blood work and found himself being dragged around by the tail for the better part of an hour. “Listen, you’re a fun tyke, but I’m real busy so if you could just let go of that-”

Piggy was soon ushered away from them and then, there was nothing to do but wait and worry.

“Do you know Piggy’s mother’s maiden name?”

There was almost nothing to do but wait and worry.
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TogetherAgain

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Ohhhhhhhhhh I love it! The, "He's dreamy... And he makes other people dreamy..." OH, I love it! Can I hug it? I'm hugging it. I love it. And Rizzo getting her to talk about the wedding... sheesh... “I believe in me when he’s around.” Piggy sighed with startling clarity, completely unguarded. Ohhhhh man, can I hug that pig? Is somebody recording this? I think Kermit needs to hear it. And soothing her with Rainbow Connection... and ohhhhhh...

And diction! It was like striking gold while playing lawn darts in the backyard, then remembering your house was situated over an Incan pyramid: a thrilling discovery that, in retrospect, should not have surprised you. I love it! And Two year old children living in tribes that had never heard of electricity knew Miss Piggy’s favorite subject. Oh, it makes me so happy!

Piggy's mother's maiden name? Oy, there sure is a lot on those forms...

MORE PLEASE!
 

Leyla

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Thanks so much, girls! And here I was all nervous! Oh, gee, Lisa, now that you said Kermit needed to hear Piggy, I want him to hear it too. You're fiendishly evil, you know that? Of course I mean that in the nicest of ways.
I feel like nagging myself for more now... but you've beaten me to it. :wink:

I'm relieved that you liked the dreamy thing... she insisted on saying it, but I was arguing with her the whole way... if that makes sense to you. (And since you're you, it probably does.)

Quick question: Would you rather see more of this or more of the behind the scenes stuff? I don't know where to direct my energy.
 

TogetherAgain

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Quick answer: Yes.

<shifty eyes>

All right, so if I had to choose, I'd say more of this. That way if you get stumped, you can always take a little break with a short story behind the scenes thing, and hop back in.

And yes, that made perfect sense to me, but why make sense when it's more profitable to make dollars?

And yes I do know that I'm fiendishly evil- I pride myself on it, particularly in writing. But I could say the same is true of you, you cruel player of emotions...

MORE PLEASE!
 

Ruahnna

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Leyla said:
Quick question: Would you rather see more of this or more of the behind the scenes stuff? I don't know where to direct my energy.
Ok--I'm pacified now that we've got Piggy into competent medical hands, and I like the way "the boys" have rallied around our girl now that she needs them. (You notice that--as irritating as Miss Piggy ever is, none of the guys ever question what Kermit sees in her--they know.) Leyla, honey, you just keep on writing whatever comes out--you know what I mean when I say you don't always get to choose. Just keep 'em coming.

P.S. Our church hosted a special service this evening. At one point, watching the pastor running around trying to wrap up the final details before all the people arrived, I leaned over to one of the other women in the choir and said, "He reminds me of Kermit the Frog," which caused a lot of well-deserved snickering. (I am probably not going to be allowed back in the choir....)
 

Smiles

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Love it! Piggy's favorite topic, Kermie, and everyone singing Rainbow Connection! How cute!

I also loved Rizzo getting pulled around by that little kid, hehe, i love muppets with little kids!!!
 

Leyla

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You asked for it! And you have no one to blame but yourselves.... Now don't get worked up, this isn't particularly exciting... but I'm just about finished with another update on top of this one, so we'll get to see more of this tonight, unless I decide it's unpostable.

Thanks for the comments! They really do make me keep writing! (Smiles, I love seeing Kermit get froghandled by the little boy on Extreme Makeover. It's so cute!)

Ruahnna: So glad you're pacified! (Love the way you call them "the boys"). Rizzo, at least once said he didn't know what Kermit sees in Piggy (or how he sees around her). I wish you were in my church choir... although it's probably better for society in general, and the nerves of our pastor's, that two Kermit and Piggy lovers like us are seperated. :wink:

TogetherAgain: This one's for you... my first MC cameo... of sorts. Thanks for the advice. It sounds like a good plan. It's good to be evil in writing, isn't it?


The dress rehearsal went on without them, as it had to, leaving Scooter and Rowlf to compensate for their absences.
An odd sketch featuring the Koozebanians went by with comparative smoothness before it was time for Fozzie’s monologue. Rowlf read through the painstakingly crafted gags, looking rather perplexed as he hit what he assumed were supposed to be punch lines. “I guess ‘wocka, wocka’ just doesn’t sound the same coming from me,” he mused philosophically when no one cracked even a smile. It didn’t help that they were all hospital jokes.

Having played the bear for a few minutes, Rowlf was happy enough to hop off the stage and into the pit, joining the mayhem for their latest foray into classical music. In light of the accident, some of the energy that usually crackled in the air had dissipated. Nobody could deny with any honesty that the band’s performance fell short of their usual high standard. Not even Animal wanted to fire off the cannon again.

Fortunately, Rizzo’s absence had not impacted the rehearsal directly as he was only in a few choruses, but the other rats had gotten a little out of control, arguing amongst themselves about who their interim leader would be, in case he didn’t return. The dress was going terrifyingly according to plan, lacking that wild spark of madness that distinguished The Muppet Show from anything else out there.

Piggy had already done her big opening number at least, leaving only the Best of Broadway Medley that she was missing. In the great Muppet spirit of making do, Scooter dug up a blonde wig and the lyrics she was supposed to sing before marching on stage with as much boldness as he could muster. He didn’t even bother singing the lines, just read them in time to fill in the holes. Most of the cast and crew had caught up on the gossip by this point, and knew why their mezzo-soprano lead had taken to speaking in a youthful tenor. It threw everyone off a bit, but they pushed through the medley anyway, with only a minimal amount of pointed comments about ‘Miss Scooty’s’ new hairstyle.

Scooter was thoroughly grateful when it was over.

Having run it as best they could to the end of the show, Scooter and Rowlf next sat down to consider what they should do if Piggy was unable to perform the next night, as seemed likely.

“You look good as a blonde.” Scooter made a face at Rowlf and quickly took off the wig, the attempt at levity falling flat on deaf ears.

“That got us through for now, anyway, but what about tomorrow night?”

“Well, there’s only two options, change the numbers... or find another lead.”

“The show’s tomorrow. Not much time to do either.” Scooter rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I’m too young for this kind of stress.” Rowlf smiled sympathetically.

“You never know... she might be alright by the show. Goodness knows Miss Piggy doesn’t like to miss a number.”

“We could ask Annie Sue to do it.” Scooter sighed heavily. “Piggy would just love that. Then I could spend some nice time relaxing in the same hospital. Maybe we can share the same room.”

Rowlf steepled his nimble fingers before looking seriously at the go-fer. “I hope she’ll be in good enough shape to express her opinion about that by tomorrow.”

“Yeah... I hope she’s alright too. Shouldn’t we have heard something by now?”

“These things take time, and when it comes to doctors, no news is good news... trust me.” The two Muppets sat together then in uneasy silence, pondering their next decision.

“Any suggestions in the Book?”

Even halfway around the world, the frog had not abandoned them entirely. Before he left, Kermit had created a sizable reference book titled: “In Case of the Inevitable”. In it, he had listed a slew of potential, and probable, disasters that might come up, along with step-by-step instructions for dealing with those disasters. The entries in the book ranged from the mundane, everyday disasters like the chapters titled, “Handling Hecklers” and “What to do if ___________ eats ______________”, all the way to a hefty chapter simply titled, “Piggy.” Nearly all of the entries in that chapter ended with the number of a classy florist. Naturally, they had taken some pains to ensure Piggy had not see then the Book. The last words in Kermit’s chef-d’oeuvre were simply, “If all else fails, call me.”

Scooter looked up hopefully, and scooped up the book from Kermit’s tapge. He paged quickly through it, occasionally nodding in approval or shaking his head in amazement.

“Number for Animal’s control officer, cheap drum supplier, psychological counselor. Oh, here’s Piggy’s section: Turn Piggy loose on Fleet Scribbler... that’d be an efficient way of distract him, alright... tell Piggy’s she’s lost weight, keep her away from the guest star, try to duck, try to go limp.... It’s all good advice, but not very helpful in this case. I guess ... I guess Kermit didn’t figure on her getting hurt.”

“How could he have? Everyone knows she’s invincible.” Rowlf took Kermit’s Book from Scooter.

“We knew she was invincible... and now we know better.”

“Live and learn, Scooter.” Rowlf tapped a page lightly. “Well, we’ll call the florist anyway. Maybe set up a nice Welcome Home, Get well Soon, basket, something like that.”

“That’ll cheer her up, anyway, if she can’t perform.” Scooter shrugged haplessly. “You wanna talk to Annie Sue or should I?”

Rowlf had closed the Book and was now looking past Scooter, registering mild surprise. “Oh, I’ll do it. You can handle the other thing.”

“What other thing?” The go-fer was already turning to follow the pianist’s line of sight. Beaker ran past in a panic, smoke rising from his head.

“Talking Beaker out of quitting to become an auctioneer...again.”

“Oh, great. Thanks a lot, Rowlf.” But the dog had already made good his escape. “Beaker, Mr. Beaker! I know, I know, but I keep telling you, you haven’t got the diction to be an auctioneer!”

There was a pause, filled with outraged meeps. “No, I don’t think you’d make it as a narrator either... Beaker? Well, don’t take it personally, now.”

-----

“According to this, Britney Spears had an alien baby.”

“Again?” Gonzo muttered, nonplussed, not looking up from the gossip rag he was holding. He hadn’t been reading it. His mind was going over the accident, berating him for his lack of caution. Cannons are dangerous; I should have looked! Fozzie peered at him in concern, sighed and returned to his own battered tabloid.

“Hospital waiting rooms are not as entertaining as I’ve been lead to believe. Hey! There’s an article about Piggy in here.”

“Really?”

“Yeah!” Gonzo leaned over to get a look. “That’s a nice photo... do you think she knows about it?”

Fozzie had been skimming the text. He gasped softly... “Not if the writer is still breathing comfortably. They’ve been speculating about her age.”

“Face lift stuff again?”

“Yup... with the usual rumours about her and Kermit.”

“Well, she likes those, so the guy probably is experienced enough to hedge his bets.”

“Will you two stop going on about the magazines and help me?!” Rizzo was thrashing in the vice-like grip of the most angelic looking toddler since the last one that had gotten a hold of him. He was really a hit with the pediatric nurses, thoroughly distracting the hyperactive patients so they could get their work done.

Gonzo did not look away from the article. “C’mon, Rizzo, the kids love you. Think about how you’re cheering them up. Besides, I’m a little jealous, look at all the kinks she’s put in your spine. I once tried to get a chiropractor to do that to me, but he got all upset... said something about the Hippocratic oath and ‘playing God.’”

“Gah! This is not fair!” In an effort to cheer up her aggravated plaything, little Lisa overturned her desert cup on him.

A middle-aged doctor chose that moment to stride into the room. After taking in the largely human cliental, he approached Gonzo, Rizzo, and Fozzie. “Hi there, I’m Dr. Welts, you must be here for Miss Piggy.”

“I’m Fozzie, and this is the Great Gonzo, and the guy covered in chocolate pudding is Rizzo, the rat.”

“Dr. Welts... nice name. Artistic.”

“Er, yes, thank you.”

“So, is she alright? Can we see her?”

“Miss Piggy sustained a significant blow to the head, but she’s going to be alright. You can go in and see her. We want to keep her over night for observation. We’ve treated her concussion and we’ve stitched up the cut on her ear.” Fozzie moaned plaintively and Dr. Welts looked at him in concern until Gonzo gestured for him to continue. “Uh, we needed to cut her hair around the injury... she didn’t take to that so well so we administered a tranquilizer to relax her. She’s going to be a little disoriented when you see her... I just want to you to be aware of that.”

“But otherwise, she’s going to be okay?”

“We expect a complete recovery, although she will feel some lingering soreness and headache for the next week or so. From the description of the accident, she’s very lucky.” His gaze was professional, and Gonzo knew the recrimination in the doctor’s eyes was in his own head, but he still felt his cheeks burn with shame. “It could have been much worse.”

“Thanks, doc. Can we see her now?”

“Of course. She’s in room 318.”
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TogetherAgain

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Yay, she's gonna be okay! And I love Kermit's book! And Scooter in a wig, and the whole dang rehearsal, and the gossip rag, and I'm torturing Rizzo! HA! Oh, I love it! I love it I love it I love it- MORE PLEASE!
 

Leyla

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Ah, I'm sorry to be a tease but I've got to work early tomorrow and I don't want to stay up late enough to fix the next update. It'll be better I think, for the extra time, and it marks a bit of a transition. If the beginning was all the silly set up, and the next section was the scary accident stuff then this will be the transition to... hmmm, not sure what to call it. The recovery maybe... but it's more involved then that.

Well, we'll figure it out.

Glad you like evily torturing Rizzo, Lisa... I just thought, you know, since you like being an evil writer, perhaps you would like being an evil toddler. :halo: Thanks for the encouragement!

I just found out today that I will be going away to French camp for five weeks of fun, the problem with that being that I will be limited in internet access to french websites. Although, I can email in english... anyone want to post my writing for me for a while? (mid- May to Mid June) Oh, darnit! I'm coming back just as your leaving Lisa! Sadness, sadness!

Leyla
 
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