Ok, tonight, in honor of my b-day, I did something for my readers, I began re-writing "Muppet High." Why you ask? Well, it's simple, Muppet High was a script, and it should be in book form. So, I changed it. I'll be posting in six chapter incraments, so expect the next six tomorrow. Enjoy!!! ________________________________ Chapter 1 The two glass doors swung open. A teenage frog walked in to the Grosse High School. He wore a red baseball cap, and a striped blue t-shirt. "Well here I am. This is the first time I’ve gone to a new school before." He said. "Let alone in the middle of the year." A large rat walked up to the frog. "Hey kid," he asked. "You wanna buy an elevator pass?" "No thanks." The frog said as he walked away. He walked down the crowded halls and pulled out a small scrap of paper. "Ok, room 81A. This is my home room." He gulped. "Here goes." He pushed open the door and walked into the classroom. He was courteously greeted with a paper airplane to the head as soon as he walked in. "Ow!" The frog rubbed his head. A blue feathery creature with a long nose ran up to him. "Woops! I’m sorry kid! Are you ok?" He said, picking up the airplane and putting it in the pocket protector of his forest green sweater vest. "No, I’m fine." The frog said studying the thing. "But why did you throw the airplane at me anyway?" "I thought you were the teacher. I was trying to be cool. The other kids think I’m kinda weird." "Well, I don’t think you’re weird." The frog said. "Well, not yet at least." He patted him on the back. "So what’s your name anyway?" "I’m Gonzo! Hopefully someday I’ll become The Great Gonzo, plumbing artiste! Who are you?" He asked cheerfully. "I’m Kermit," he said. "Kermit the Frog. I just moved here from the swamp." "Nice to meet you Kermit." Gonzo shook his hand. "Here, there’s an extra desk by mine!" Gonzo sat down at his desk and patted the other one for Kermit to sit in. Kermit sat down. "I just hope it doesn’t bother you that I grew half of my mold collection there." Gonzo told him. "You what?" Kermit asked. Just then, the door slammed open. A tall blue eagle walked through the door carrying books. "Settle down, settle down." He yelled. "Good morning class my name is Professor Sam, I teach History here at our high school. And the only reason I’m telling you this is because I noticed we have a new student, son would you care to introduce yourself?" Kermit looked around. "Oh! You mean me!" He stood up and walked to the front of the class. "Um...hi. I’m Kermit the Frog. I just moved here from the swamp, and I..." A bear wearing a beanie cap and a pink polka dotted t-shirt raised his hand. Kermit looked at Professor Sam. He sighed. "Yes Mr. Bear, what is it?" "Ah! Thank you!" The bear said. "This reminds me of a hilarious joke! So, a frog walks into a bank and..." He began. "We have heard it before Mr. Bear!" Professor Sam interjected. "Yeah! And it wasn’t any good the first time!" A female pig yelled from her seat. Her long golden blond hair was back in a ponytail. The class erupted with laughter. "Alright! Alright! Quiet down!" Sam bellowed. "You may take your seat Mr. the Frog." Kermit did as he was told, and sat in his desk next to Gonzo. "Now, back to class, the French Revolution was... wait just one minute!" He read over the book once more. "What is this? We don’t need to learn about the French and their revolution! We need to learn about the wonderful revolution that was America!" He bellowed. "Here we go again." Gonzo whispered to Kermit. Chapter 2 Gonzo and Kermit walked down the crowded hallway to the cafeteria. "Come on Kermit hurry! We don’t wanna be late for lunch!" Gonzo told him. "Boy Gonzo," Kermit panted. "I’m glad you know where you’re going, ‘cause I sure don’t." They pushed open the doors and entered the crowded cafeteria. Talking flooded the room. And so did people. "Come on, let’s get in line! Today’s Thursday surprise day!" Gonzo pulled Kermit into the line. "Thursday surprise? What’s in it?" Kermit picked up a tray. "That’s the surprise!" Gonzo laughed. "It’s the Chef’s speciality. "Oh good." Kermit said cheerfully. "Because I don’t have anything else to eat." They approached the front of the line and saw a chef tossing food in the air. "Hmm dee dum dee dee. Dum dee dum dee do! Hum dum dee, flum dum dee. Hm, bork bork bork!" He sang. "Hiya Chef!" Gonzo called. "Urcombe Gon-de-vuird! You don, flerden ferly?" The Chef asked. Kermit scrunched up his face. "Oh I’m fine Chef!" Gonzo said. "And this is my new friend Kermit!" "Hello." Kermit said. "He gone dee flipper floo! Thoorsday speciool! Surpoon?" The Chef asked. "What did he say?" Kermit whispered to Gonzo. "I think he asked you if you’d like some Thursday surprise." Gonzo explained. "Um..." Kermit said. "Sure I guess." "A double order for me thanks!" Gonzo said. The Chef took their trays and scooped a pile of bubbling green goo onto it. "Spurgon slop-de-mousky! Globble uppdevoooi!" He waved. "Thanks Chef! See you tomorrow!" Gonzo said. Kermit looked at his food in disgust. He scrunched up his face and followed Gonzo to an empty table. "Is this stuff edible?" Kermit asked. He turned his tray upside down, and the goo didn’t move. Gonzo stopped eating and swallowed. "It depends on your sense of adventure! Ha ha!" He went back to his food. Kermit pushed his tray towards Gonzo. "I think I’ll bring my own lunch tomorrow." He said in disgust. Just then, the joke telling bear from History class sat down at the table. "Hi guys! Mind if I join you?" He asked. "No not at all Fozzie." Gonzo told the bear. "Ah! Thank you!" Fozzie said. "So, are you guys taking anyone to the big dance next Friday?" Fozzie asked. "Dance?" Kermit asked. "What dance?" Gonzo finished his tray and was working on Kermit’s. "The big senior dance! It’s the biggest event of the year!" Gonzo exclaimed. "Even nerds like us go!" "So, Gonzo, are you taking anyone?" Fozzie asked. "Oh yeah! I met this really great girl named Camilla!" Gonzo said. "She’s a fox!" "What about you Fozzie?" Kermit asked the bear. "Oh! I’m taking my mommy!" He said cheerfully. "What about you Kermit? Any special girl you want to ask?" "Well, I’ve only been here for four class periods, it’s not like I’ve had the chance to..." Kermit stopped, he was interrupted by the pig cheerleader from this morning who walked in behind Kermit. "Hello losers." She gloated. "I see you have a new member in your group. Well, why don’t vous turn around? That way, moi will be able to see the face she will be mocking for the rest of the year." "Sheesh." Kermit sighed. He turned around in his seat slowly. The pig was over come with emotion. "You...your...I’m..." She stuttered. "Yo Piggy you comin’ or what?" A purple creature with long hair and sunglasses asked. He was wearing a letterman jacket. He was followed by a male and female pig, wearing a letterman jacket, and cheerleading outfit respectively. "Yeah let’s get goin’!" The female pig yelled. "Cliffy’s tired of waiting!" "Yes and so is Link." The male pig referred to himself. "Yeah man, ditch those losers and let’s go." Clifford said. "Oh! Oh! Coming!" She turned to Kermit. "So long, short, green, and handsome." She giggled and ran off. "Gosh!" Kermit said. "She’s beautiful!" "Who? Annie Sue?" Fozzie asked. "No Fozzie! Piggy!" Kermit snapped. "Oh!" Fozzie nodded. A rat wearing a red baseball cap and white tank top came up from under the table. "The pig? Dig you?" He laughed. "C’mon! She’s totally out of your league!" "Do I know you?" Kermit asked the rat. The rat was followed by a shrimp who came up behind him. "Don’t be such an optimist Ritzo." He turned to Kermit. "Dat was sarcasm. Hokay?" He turned back to the rat. "I mean, I am sure dat dis green froggy man can date de pig if he really wants to. Hokay? But, who would want to?" "Do I know you either?" Kermit asked the shrimp. "Sadly, no." The shrimp sighed. "But I will tell jew. Hokay? Because dat is what I am here for. Jew see, dat es Ritzo. Sleeze ball with an empty stomach. Hokay?" "Yo!" The rat waved. He walked over to Gonzo. "Hey uh, you gonna finish dat?" "Si, and I am Pepe, foreign exchange student from Mexico. Hokay?" The shrimp nodded. "Oh! And did I mention, dat I am so gosh darn sexy dat sometimes it hurts me. Hokay? What? It does." "What are you doing here?" Kermit asked. "Well, I was hungry." Rizzo said. "So, I was makin’ my usual rounds when I saw Piggy stop here and talk to Gonzo and Fozzie. I thought she’d t’row some food at ‘em like she usually does, and I’d pick up the scraps!" "Si, and I followed him, because he promised me lots of moneys for every foods I find him. Hokay?" Pepe explained. "Ok..." Kermit said. "Si, but as I was saying, jew can’t let go off de lady pig. Hokay?" Pepe said. "Jew two would make such a cute couple." He laughed. "Whatever." Rizzo climbed off the table. "C’mon shrimp. We’ve got work to do." "I am not a shrimp!" Pepe yelled. "I am a King Prawn!" They walked away. "You know what?" Fozzie asked. "I think that shrimp is right! You can’t give up Kermit!" "Yeah!" Gonzo agreed. "And we’re here to help whenever you need us!" "Thanks guys." Kermit said. "And mark my words, I will get Piggy to go to the dance with me!" Gonzo pulled out a pen. "Oh where’d those words go? I need to mark them!" He cried. Chapter 3 Kermit, Gonzo, and Fozzie walked down the empty hallway. "Man, math class was hard!" Gonzo whined. "I mean, I can calibrate the amount of time it takes to jump three cement trucks on water skis, but I just can’t figure out fractions!" "You’re telling me!" Kermit agreed. "Well Gonzo, I told you." Fozzie told him. "Told me what?" "I told you that you should have taken biology instead." Fozzie explained. "Don’t they dissect things in there?" Gonzo asked. "Yeah! Worms, fish, fro-" Fozzie started. "Can we change the subject please?!" Kermit interrupted. "Yeah," Gonzo agreed. "So Kermit, what are you doing after school? "I’m taking band after school." Kermit explained. "You guys ever take band?" "No," Gonzo said. "Apparently, the electric triangle isn’t a ‘real’ instrument." "Yeah," Fozzie nodded. "And they wouldn’t let me tell any jokes!" Kermit scrunched up his face. "Good grief." Kermit shook his head. "Well anyway, here’s the band room. I’ll see you guys tomorrow!" Kermit walked into the band room. The sound of loud rock music filled the air. A dog wearing a white shirt, and a purple vest noticed Kermit come in. "Hey, stop the music, somebody’s here!" The dog shouted to the musicians. In front of the dog sat a kid with a huge grin (complete with braces and a gold tooth) on the keyboard, another guy with a slight orange mustache growing on bass guitar, one who was asleep on his saxophone, a girl with her blonde hair in a ponytail with lead guitar, and finally, a rabid looking animal with a head full of pink hair on drums. "Hey man, ain’t you the new kid?" The bass guitar player asked. "NEW KID! NEW KID!" The animal chanted. "Hey guys lay off." The dog said. "You must be Kermit," he extended his hand. "I’m Rowlf, Rowlf the Dog." Kermit shook his hand. "I’m the band teacher here." "So where’s the rest of the kids?" Kermit asked. "Like we are the rest of the class." The girl said. "Yeah man, I’m Floyd Pepper, I blow base!" The bass guitarist said. "Like fer sure, and I’m Janice on lead guitar!" The girl said. "And I’m Dr. Teeth, keyboard, and leader. Heh heh." The keyboard player laughed. "Well what’s your PHD in?" Kermit asked. "Hmm, never thought about that." Dr. Teeth scratched his chin. "I suppose it’s in ivory ticklin’." He laughed. "And who’s that?" Kermit asked, referring to the drummer. "Man, that’s Animal." Floyd said. "Where’s he from?" Kermit asked. "Man we don’t know!" Floyd said. "Like, I don’t think we want to." Janice said. "International! Ha ha ha!" Animal laughed. "And that’s Zoot, sax is his axe!" Dr. Teeth gestured to the saxophone player. "I’m uh...yeah." Zoot woke up for a minute then fell back asleep. "And we is, am, are and be they who am are known as, The Electric Mayhem." Floyd laughed. "Yep, and that about wraps it up for us here in band." Rowlf said. "So Kermit, what instrument do you play?" "Well, I’ve dabbled in the banjo a little." "That’s great!" Rowlf said. "Here, take this home and practice it." He handed Kermit some sheet music. "Rainbow Connection?" Kermit read over the music. "Did you write this?" Kermit asked Rowlf. "Oh no, I’m no good at that." Rowlf said. "That was written by my old friend Paul. He wrote it to be played on the banjo." "Oh good." Kermit smiled. Chapter 4 Kermit Gonzo and Fozzie walked out of the cafeteria into the empty hallway. "Sheesh Gonzo, how could you eat all three of our Friday surprises?" Kermit asked, disgusted. "How could you guys not eat any?" Gonzo exclaimed. Kermit shook his head. "So we have science next right?" He asked. "Yep, but I need to stop at my locker first." Gonzo said opening a locker. "Why?" Fozzie asked dodging the things Gonzo threw out of the locker. He searched some more. "I have to show Dr. Honeydew my mold collection!" "Well hurry up would ya?" Kermit asked. "We’re gonna be late for class." "Yeah, and you know what happens if you’re late," Fozzie’s body shook. "They’ll send the-the-the hall monitor!" Fozzie gasped. "The hall monitor?" Kermit asked. "Yeah!" Gonzo said. "He’s supposed to be ferocious!" He laughed. "Uh huh," Fozzie agreed, "and he has fangs and claws and everything." He whimpered. "I even heard that he ate someone’s soul!" "Cool huh?" Gonzo asked. "Let’s be late! It’ll be awesome to see him!" "But he’ll tear us to shreds!" Fozzie moaned. "Won’t it be great?!" Gonzo said, finally pulling out a petri dish with his mold collection in it. "And besides, we’re already late." "But I didn’t hear the-" Kermit began, but he was cut off by the ringing of a bell. "Sheesh." "Here he comes!" Gonzo laughed. A figure emerged from the shadows behind the stairs. "Do you have your hall passes?" It asked in a deep voice. "No," Gonzo said blankly. "But could you move into the light a little, I want to see your gruesomeness!" "Gruesome?" The figure asked. "Oh no," he stepped into the light, revealing a yellow person with glasses and orange hair. "That was the old hall monitor. I’m Scooter, the new one." "You’re not gruesome at all!" Gonzo said. "Thank you." Scooter said. "Well, why were you hiding in the shadows like that?" Kermit asked. "Oh that?" Scooter asked. "I just didn’t wanna get hit by anything flying out of his locker." Scooter pointed to Gonzo. "So do you guys have your passes?" "No, we don’t. But we-" Kermit began, but Fozzie cut him off. "Oh please Mr. Hall monitor sir, don’t eat our souls!" Fozzie begged. "You see Gonzo here, he needed his mold collection to show to Dr. Honeydew! Oh, don’t kill us! Ple-he-he-he-hease!" He whined. "Eat our souls?" Kermit asked. "Kill us!" Gonzo cheered. "Dr. Honeydew?" Scooter asked. "Well, if you’re headed to his class next, hurry up, he won’t give you a tardy if you hurry!" Fozzie stood up. "You mean you’re not even going to give us a tardy?" "Well not if ya hurry I’m not, and I don’t think anyone else will either!" Scooter said. "Well gee thanks Scooter." Kermit said. "Why don’t you come eat lunch with us tomorrow?" "Me? Eat lunch with you?" Scooter asked shocked. "You mean you don’t think I’m a dork?" "No way!" Fozzie said. "Well no more than us anyway..." Gonzo said under his breath. "Well alright then!" Scooter said overjoyed. "I’ll see you guys tomorrow!" He said. Kermit, Fozzie, and Gonzo ran to the science classroom. "Alright guys keep it down, maybe he won’t notice us come in." Kermit said as they opened the door. A man wearing glasses and a lab coat stood at the front of the class. "And now class, Beaker will demonstrate the dangers of sticking a paperclip into an electric socket! Beaker?" The man called upon a student with bright orange hair and a tall head. "Me?" The student said. Kermit, Gonzo, and Fozzie peered through the door. "Yes of course you now come on!" The teacher said. The student called Beaker walked to the front of the classroom. "Mee mo mee?" He asked. "This," the teacher said, handing him a paperclip. "Just stick it into the socket there." "Mo mo!" He disagreed. "I’ll give you extra credit." The teacher taunted. "Mee mo mee me?!" Beaker exclaimed. "Me mo!" He stuck the paperclip into the socket and a volt of electricity was sent through his body. "MEEEEEEEE MEEE MEEE MEEE!!!" He wailed. "And that class," the teacher said. "Is why we don’t stick paperclips into electrical sockets. Right Beaker?" He asked the fainted student. "Beaker?" "No fair I wanna try!" Gonzo said. The teacher looked at him. "Oops. Ha ha." "Well, it appears that you three are late to class." The teacher said. "Well, if today was yesterday, I wouldn’t give you a detention for being late, but since today can’t be yesterday since today is today and yesterday was yesterday, I will have to give you all detention." He sighed. Fozzie fainted. "But Dr. Honeydew we had a good reason to be late!" Gonzo told him. "Oh really?" Dr. Honeydew said. "And what might that be?" "I had to get my mold collection from my locker!" Gonzo showed him the petri dish. Dr. Honeydew examined it. "Oh yes, that’s a very good reason indeed!" He nodded. "But sadly, I must still give you detentions. If I don’t, the principals will have my head." "But Dr. Honeydew, I was supposed to play with the band at the football game tonight!" Kermit said. The Electric Mayhem is marched along the track. Dr. Teeth rolled a keyboard, and the others carried their instruments. "Why can’t I teach a normal band class?" Rowlf sighed. "Well, you’ll just have to miss it Mr. the Frog. I am sorry. Now, take your seats as I show how to treat third degree burns!" Dr. Honeydew said. "Ready Beaker?" He looked at Beaker again. "What is wrong with you today Beaker?" He asked. "Do you need to visit the nurse?" Chapter 5 The bell rang, and Kermit, Gonzo, and Fozzie ran out of their classroom down the hall. "Comeon guys!" Kermit called. "We were late for class, let’s not be late for detention too!" "We’re coming," Fozzie whined. "Hey wait up! My shoe’s tied," Gonzo yelled. "But shouldn’t your shoe be tie-" Kermit said. But he bumped into a brown furry man. The man was mopping the floor. "Oh excuse me," the man said. "Are you ok?" He offered his hand to help Kermit up. "Oh yeah I’m fine," Kermit grabbed his hand and stood up. "It was my fault. I wasn’t paying attention." "Oh," the man scratched his head. "Ri-ght. Well, I’m Beauregard. I’m the janitor." "Well we really can’t talk right now Beauregard, we have to get to detention." Fozzie began to walk away. "Detention?" Beauregard asked. "Oh! You mean," he looked around. "The class of no return!" He whispered. "Cool!" Gonzo exclaimed. "No return?" Fozzie whimpered. "Well Beauregard we really should get going." Kermit said, starting to leave. "Oh, my friends call me Beau. If I had any friends." He sighed. Kermit stopped. He turned and looked at the janitor. "You mean," he started. "You don’t have any friends? At all?" "No, not really." Beauregard said. "But, that’s what Moppet’s for." He rubbed his mop. "Well see you." He returned to mopping. "Well," Fozzie stood up straight. "We’ll be your friends!" "You will?" Beauregard asked. "We will?" Gonzo said shocked. "We will!" Kermit declared. "Great!" Beau said. "And if you ever need anything janitor related, you just look me up!" He said. "Or down if I’m down stairs." "Oh good." Kermit said. "Well Beau, we’ll see you later." "Bye bye." He waved. "Friends." The gang ran the rest of the way to the detention classroom. They stopped in front of the door. "Ready guys?" Kermit asked. "No," Fozzie moaned. "Ok! Let’s go!" Gonzo disregarded Fozzie and pushed the door open. They walked into a dull gray classroom. It was completely empty, aside from the teacher’s desk and the student’s desks. "What? Where is everyone?" Kermit asked. "Wow, I can’t say this isn’t disappointing..." Gonzo sighed. "Hey, this isn’t as bad as I thought it would be." Fozzie said. Another bell rang, and instantly the gang was trampled by a group of students, including penguins, pirates, Rizzo, and Pepe. "Hey Ritzo look here," Pepe said. "It’s de froggy, de weirdo, and de bear. Hokay?" "Hey what are youse guys doin’ here?" Rizzo asked. The gang stood up and brushed themselves off. "We got detention from Dr. Honeydew for being late for class." "That’s all?" Rizzo asked. "Yeah why?" Gonzo asked. "What did you do?" "Well, jou see, Ritzo snuck into de cafeteria after it closed," Pepe said. "And I got caught peeping in de girls locker room. Hokay?" "That’s horrible!" Fozzie said. "Si, si, I know." Pepe sighed. "I mean, Rizzo just ate, but no, he needed more food. Der’s no controlling him. Hokay?" An old man with glasses and a mustache walked in. "Alright sit down! Sit down!" He yelled. The students sat down and was quiet. Kermit looked around, confused. "Are you the principal?" Kermit asked. "Oh no, not me." The man said. "I’m Pops, the secretary." He told them. "Now, you youngins got detention! That means no talking, no drawing, no nothing got it?" He asked. "Until 4:30." "He he, watch dis. Hokay?" Pepe whispered to Kermit. Pops sat down behind the desk, and instantly fell asleep. "Alright, he’s out! Now we can party! Ha ha ha!" Rizzo laughed. One of the pirates pulled a boom box from under his desk. He pressed the play button. All the students began to dance and party. A beach ball was hit around the room. "What the hey?" Kermit said. "Wha ha ha ha!" Gonzo laughed. "This is awesome!" Gonzo began to dance. "Come on Kermin," Pepe danced towards him. "I’m a sexy king prawn! Dance with me. Hokay?" Kermit scrunched up his face. "Fozzie?" "Ah! Come on Kermit! It’s fun!" Fozzie said as he limboed under a pole. "How low can you go?" The kids chanted. "Aw, what the hey?" Kermit said, as he began to dance too. Chapter 6 Kermit walked down the hallway whistling a tune. "Oh boy!" He said. "I cant’ wait to show Rowlf how much I’ve practiced his song!" He hummed while he rummaged through his locker. He looked at his schedule. "Hmm, oh right, gym next." He grabbed a spare set of clothes and shut his locker. He began walking down the hallway when he accidentally bumped into Piggy, making her drop all of her books. "Hey watch it!" She grunted. Kermit picked up her books. "I’m so sorry! I didn’t see you." Piggy looked up. "Oh! Hello there um...what was your name again?" She asked. "I’m Kermit, Kermit the Frog. We have social studies together." He reminded her. "Oh right!" She remembered. "So, short, green, and handsome, where were vous off to in such a hurry? Hmm?" She asked. "I was uh-just uh-going to gym class. But, I’m glad I ran into you Piggy!" Kermit said. "I needed to ask you something. I was wondering if..." "Yo pig let’s go!" Clifford interrupted as he Annie Sue and Link entered. "Oh! Sorry Kermie we’ll talk later. Bye!" She ran off with the others. "But I..." Kermit sighed. "Sheesh." "Hey kid, it looks like your bacon just ran out!" An old voice said. "Yeah, and the ham too!" Another said. "Do ho ho ho!" They both laughed. Kermit turned around, he looked at two old men in suits. "Who are you?" He asked. "I’m Statler," the taller one said. "And I’m Waldorf," the shorter one said. "And we are," they began to sing. "The most dreadful, horrible, Repulsive, people in the school! We don't like the kids we're surrounded by! That's why we make them eat gruel!" They both sang. "We are, The worst example of human beings that you will ever meet. No matter where you are! From Fraggle Rock to Sesame Street! We're the Principals!" "Yeah, except you can take out ‘pals’ at the end!" The short one said. "Do ho ho ho!" "We're old! And iritable! We're cold! And never cheerful! We are the Principals!" Kermit stared at them. "Singing principals," he said. "What will they think off next?" "Now," Statler snapped. "Don’t you have somewhere to be?" "Well, yeah, gym class." Kermit said. "Then get moving shorty before we give you detention!" Waldorf yelled. "Yes sirs!" Kermit ran off. "Do ho ho!" They laughed.