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Muppet Star Wars

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Scooterthegofer, Aug 22, 2009.

  1. muppets2

    muppets2 New Member

  2. Scooterthegofer

    Scooterthegofer New Member

    I have decided to abandan Statler and Waldorf as Tarkin and Tarkin for funnier roles. Also, instead of 4,5,6, I will do these in order of 4,6,5 for my convenience.


    Setting: Death to Muppets Star

    Gonzo:
    And now, I ask you once more: Where is the Muppet base?
    Piggy:
    Umm... Dantooine. Yes, it's on Dantooine.
    Gonzo:
    YOU ARE A FLAT-OUT LIAR! Now we will do what we do to all flat-out liars: blow up their home planets! Officer; set course for Alderaan!
    Piggy:
    No, not Alderaan! Blow up Dantooine, or even New Muppetemia if you want, but not Alderaan!
    Gonzo:
    You have used up your last chance, lady! Officer; you may fire when ready.
    (Laser blows up Alderaan)
    Piggy:
    That's the last straw, you buzzard-beak! HIYAA!​

    Next time: the stories converge!​
  3. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Haha! Very nice exchange between Piggy and Gonzo there. Nice karate chop. ;)
  4. Scooterthegofer

    Scooterthegofer New Member

    Setting: Millenium Falcon. R2-D2 and Chewbacca are playing chess.
    Sweetums:
    Oh, darn it!
    Fozzie:
    What is it, Chewie?
    Sweetums:
    He captured my last knight!
    Fozzie:
    You might not want to do that, R2. In fact, it would be better for all of us if he won.
    Robin:
    Why?
    Fozzie:
    Because droids don't tear peoples' arms off when they don't win. Wookiees have been known to do that.
    Sam:
    May I suggest a new strategy?
    Robin:
    What?
    Sam:
    Let the Wookiee win.
    Fozzie:
    Probably a good choice.
    Luke is lightsaber practicing with a training remote while Rowlf looks on. He gets hit by its laser several times, then decides to spear it with his lightsaber.
    Kermit:
    Oh, what the hey.
    Rowlf:
    It's good I have another one. But...
    Kermit:
    But what?
    Rowlf:
    You'll have to practice with the blast shield closed.
    Kermit:
    But how will I do that?
    Rowlf:
    Use the force.
    Luke continues to practice until:
    Fozzie:
    Coming out of hyperspace! But where's Alderaan?
    Rowlf:
    Blown up by the Empire.
    Fozzie:
    But h-(breaks down stuttering) They couldn't do that! No one could do that!
    Rowlf:
    Still, they did it. I sense it.
    Fozzie:
    Oh, you and you're stupid sensa- Look! That moon is intact!
    Rowlf:
    Silly. That's no moon, it's a space station! And it's pulling us in with its tractor beam! Wait-it's pulling us in with its tractor beam?
    All:
    WOAAH!
    (Falcon zooms toward Death to Muppets Star.)

    Next time: I'm not telling!​
  5. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Good stuff! :D Like how you kept the chess scene in-tact, it's one of my favorites. I like when Fozzie broke down stuttering after hearing Alderan was destroyed--very good character moment for him. More please! :excited:
  6. Scooterthegofer

    Scooterthegofer New Member

    Setting: Death to Muppets Star, Hangar

    Gonzo:
    TK-421, tell your troops to get into that ship and scan it.
    Chicken:
    Bawk bawk!
    Gonzo:
    Great. Now get into there!​

    TK-421 heads into Falcon, followed by two chicken stormtroopers with a heavy scanner. We hear blaster shots and Luke and Han come out, uncomfortably wearing their suits.

    Gonzo:
    TK-421, did you find anything? Where's the scanner? And the third trooper?
    Fozzie:
    Umm...Bawk bawk bawk-bawk bawk bawk bawk-bawk-bawk (Whispered: say, this is easy) bawk-bawk bawk-bawk-bawk bawk.
    Gonzo:
    Aha.
    Fozzie (to Luke):
    Gosh, that was easy.​

    Gonzo:
    Oh... I sense a presence i've not felt since...
    Officer:
    Bawk Bawk?
    Gonzo:
    Since he left me an a burning lava shore twenty years ago.
    Officer:
    Baaawk!
    Gonzo:
    No, it was great! And the Emperors* gave me this great suit after it.​

    While they are distracted, our heroes sneak past them.

    Next time: We finally get a Kermit/Piggy moment.

    *: No, not a typo.​
  7. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    *laughs* Love Gonzo at the end and Fozzie's Stormtrooper talk! Too funny! :D
  8. Scooterthegofer

    Scooterthegofer New Member

    Thanks. Does anyone have any idea why no one seems to be posting? I think I may want a few more positive comments before I move on.




    Trying not to be pushy,
    Scooterthegofer
  9. GonzoLover85

    GonzoLover85 Member

    So far.. great story!
    my question to you is, are you doing the original star wars.. or the special edition release? B/C Jabba the Hut makes an appearence in the SE, and I'm kind of interested in seeing who would play him.
  10. Scooterthegofer

    Scooterthegofer New Member

    I'm not particularly doing either. I will do 5 and 6 (which includes Jabba The Hutt) eventually. (though I may take a break after 4 and work on another fanfic.)
  11. GonzoLover85

    GonzoLover85 Member

    Fair enough!
    I'm looking forward to the rest!
    Keep it coming!
  12. Scooterthegofer

    Scooterthegofer New Member

    Ok now, I might as well make this a big chapter...

    Setting: Death to Muppets Star, hallway

    Kermit:
    I have a feeling the rest of this won't be so easy.
    Rowlf:
    You'd be right.
    Fozzie:
    So where are we going now?
    Rowlf:
    The forward command center.
    Kermit:
    The what?
    Rowlf:
    The forward command center.
    Kermit:
    Oh.
    Fozzie:
    Are we there yet?
    Rowlf:
    (takes out map) Well, let's see... Okay, we've got to turn right, turn right again, go straight at the next exit and turn left after that, go straight, right, left, straight, straight, left, right, and then we'll be there.
    Kermit:
    Say that again?
    Rowlf:
    Here, you take the map.
    Kermit:
    No, you've got it all wrong! we've got to go straight to the end of the hallway and turn right.
    Rowlf:
    That's the easy way.
    Fozzie:
    Let's take the easy way, okay?
    Rowlf:
    Fine.
    (They come into the command center. Stormtroopers just sit back while Luke and Han take out their blasters and shoot them.)
    Fozzie:
    Well, that was easy.
    Message from radio system:
    Command to TK-455, is there a problem?
    Fozzie:
    Umm... negative. We had a slight weapons malfunction but... everything's fine now. We're fine. How are you?
    Message:
    Are you sure?
    Fozzie:
    (Shoots radio system) Positive. ( to Luke) Pretty dull conversation anyway.
    Kermit (fiddling around with buttons):
    Look here. The princess is here.
    Fozzie:
    So what?
    Kermit:
    So, why don't we rescue her?
    Rowlf:
    The kid's right. Why don't we?
    Fozzie:
    Are you joking? I think I've risked my life enough on this mission.
    Rowlf:
    Well then, we'll leave you behind.
    Fozzie:
    No! Don't leave me behind!
    Kermit:
    Fine, we'll take you. Anyway, we'll need you and you're Wookiee friend for this mission. Also we need handcuffs.
    Rowlf:
    Are you thinking up some brilliant plan?
    Kermit:
    You bet I am.​
  13. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Hmm... I like how you changed it up to have that scene in the command center, not the prison hold. Very nice. Fozzie's getting better too! :D Kermit and Rowlf are awesome! Great stuff!
  14. Scooterthegofer

    Scooterthegofer New Member

    Setting: Death to Muppets Star, Prison Hold

    Sweetums:
    Hey, what are you doing?
    Fozzie:
    Just come on, Chewie.
    Guard:
    Bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk?
    Fozzie:
    Umm... Bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk.
    Guard:
    Bawkbawk. Bawk bawk bawk! (shows them in)
    Fozzie:
    Bawk bawk!
    Rowlf:
    I need to go. Bye!
    Kermit:
    Bye!
    Fozzie:
    Aha! There she is!
    Kermit:
    So how do we get in?
    Fozzie:
    Walk in.
    Kermit:
    Of course.
    Fozzie:
    You go in. I'm getting the jitters.
    Kermit:
    Ok.
    Piggy:
    Aren't you just a bit tall to be a stormtrooper?
    Kermit:
    (Takes off helmet) I'm Luke Skywalker. I'm here to rescue you.
    Piggy:
    Oh, frog of my heart, throw yourself into my arms!
    Kermit:
    Umm... you're supposed to be in love with the bear.
    Piggy:
    I'm supposed to be in love with the bear? HIYAA!
    (Luke is shot out of the detention room)
    Fozzie:
    Well, that was something.
    Piggy:
    NOW do I have to be in love with the bear?
    Kermit:
    Yes.
    Piggy:
    Fine. I would karate chop you again, but there are more serious matters now.
    Kermit:
    Like what?
    Piggy:
    Like the troop of Stormtroopers coming towards us.
    Kermit:
    Oh yeah. And how do you suggest we do that?
    Piggy:
    By jumping in to the garbage chute.
    Kermit:
    Fine.
    (They jump in)
    Oscar the Grouch:
    Hi!
    Kermit:
    What are you doing here?
    Oscar:
    A very brief cameo.
    Kermit:
    Somehow, I get an extreme sense of Deja Vu.

    Next time: Things get mashy!​
  15. GonzoLover85

    GonzoLover85 Member

    The Osacr bit is great. I love it.

    Keep the jokes a comin'
  16. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    HAHAHA! Love Oscar! Hilarious! The karate chop was great too. "NOW do I have to be in love with the bear?" Too funny!
  17. Scooterthegofer

    Scooterthegofer New Member

    I'm surprised no one got the "just a bit tall to be a stormtrooper" bit.

    Setting: Death to Muppets Star, Trash compactor
    Kermit:
    Pi-er-Leia, i'm surprised you let yourself into this mess.
    Piggy:
    Oh, don't worry. Old dress.
    Fozzie:
    So where are we?
    Kermit:
    3870416. Wait, what's happening? (Walls start getting closer together)
    Piggy:
    Yipes!
    Fozzie:
    I told you-I told you this wasn't a good idea!

    Back at command center:
    Sam:
    This is... odd. If their communicator isn't malfunctioning, they are in trash compactor 3870416.
    Robin:
    So what should we do?
    Sam:
    Deactivate the trash compactor, you dolt!
    Robin:
    Oh, fine. (Presses buttons)

    Back in trash compactor, walls recede sharply.
    Kermit:
    We're saved!

    Tractor beam room. Obi-Wan deactivates tractor beam, then sneaks on.

    Hangar. Darth Vader is waiting.
    Gonzo:
    Yes, I will finally defeat Obi-Wan Kenobi! Isn't it exciting! I will not just be a villian, I will be a SUPERVILLIAN!
    Officer:
    Bawk bawk?
    Gonzo:
    Oh, right. Aha! there he is!
    Rowlf:
    Aha, here I am.
    Gonzo:
    The cycle is complete. When I left you, I was but the learner. Now, I am the master!
    Rowlf:
    Only a master of evil!
    Gonzo:
    Oh. I - guess you're right.

    Next time: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!​
  18. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    HAHAHA! I love Gonzo's last line! This is awesome! :D
  19. GonzoLover85

    GonzoLover85 Member


    Oh, it was gotten. I'm loving where this story is going.
    Keep up the great work!
  20. Scooterthegofer

    Scooterthegofer New Member

    Setting: Death to Muppets Star, Hangar

    (Just as Vader and Obi-Wan start fighting, the rest of the gang comes in)
    Kermit:
    Oh, hi Ben.
    Rowlf:
    Oh, hi Lu-Waaah! (Vader takes advantage of the distraction and cuts him down)
    Kermit:
    No, he can't be dead! And it's all my faul-WOAH! (Leia has pulled him into the Falcon)
    Piggy:
    Just get in here, flipperface!
    Fozzie:
    So where are we going?
    Piggy:
    Yavin 4.
    Fozzie:
    Why not Yavin 3? Or Yavin 5?
    Piggy:
    YAVIN 4, YOU DOLT!
    Fozzie:
    Okay, okay!

    Next time: Rebel attack!​


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