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Princeton
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No Day but Today: “Prinny in Pink” (Lost Episode)
Written and Created by Princeton
Starring Princeton as Himself
Redboobergurl as Puddin’
Rue McClanahan as Granny Mae
Amanda Seyfried as Madison
Robin De Jesus as Hector
Christopher Lee as Brighton
Jerry Stiller as the voice of Mr. Gus
Open on Jordan Marsh Bridal Registry. Madison is getting fitted for her wedding dress. She is joined by Granny Mae and Hector, an employee of Jordan Marsh.
Hector: Oh sweetie, you look just good enough to eat! If only I weren’t diabetic.
Granny Mae: You know, if we were back in Mississippi, you and your swishiness would be hanging by the nearest magnolia tree.
Hector: Which reminds me: magnolia is one of our brand new lotion scents.
Granny Mae: This store doesn’t deserve magnolia.
Hector (to Madison): Well anyway Mad, this dress looks so yummy on you.
Granny Mae: And why shouldn’t it? It’s a Mae Montgomery original. You don’t just buy something of this quality from a store.
Hector: Actually Mae, I saw a dress just like it on eBay.
Granny Mae: I take it you were looking for an eyelash Liza dropped at one of her concerts? (Puddin’ enters)
Puddin’: Mad, Hector, Mae, I have the most marvelous news! My father is coming to Toledo for the wedding and he’ll naturally want to meet Prin.
Madison: That *is* great, Puddin’. Anything we can do?
Puddin’: Well, we’ve got to get him a nice suit somehow. We certainly don’t want a repeat of the ‘dodo tie’ fiasco.
Hector: If it’s a suit you need, Puddin’, then I’m your man!
Granny Mae: Or reasonable facsimile thereof.
Puddin’: Be still, Mae! Hector darling, while I appreciate it, I think my father’s expecting something more…
Granny Mae: Straight?
Puddin’: Vintage.
Hector: Oh I can do vintage, honey.
Puddin’: Very well, let’s see what you’ve got.
Granny Mae: You mean besides the complete works of Gore Vidal and a disapproving father?
Commercial Break
Open on the Mutton Hut, a British restaurant in Toledo. Puddin’, Brighton and Mr. Gus are sitting around their table, waiting for Madison and Princeton.
Brighton: So my darling Puddin’, has anything exciting happened to you lately?
Puddin’: Oh yes Dad, a bunch! A greasy Italian tried to foreclose on my studio, and a frump neighbor of mine not only tried to have my house blown up, but she stole Madison’s engagement ring and shipped her off to a boarding school in Rome!
Mr. Gus: But not exactly in that order.
Puddin’: But strangest of all, Dad, Mother came to me in a dream a few weeks ago.
Brighton: Really? What did she say?
Puddin’: She said that if I didn’t change my attitude about the wedding, she’d be forever ashamed of me.
Brighton: And I take it you’ve changed?
Puddin’: Well, what choice did I have, Dad? I’ve always tried to be the best daughter I could to both Mother and you. Now that Mother’s dead I certainly wouldn’t want to shame her.
Brighton: Of course darling, but why weren’t you just naturally happy for the kids?
Puddin’: Well Dad, it’s really the principle behind it all. I went out of my way to make sure I made a difference in both their lives. The very day I met Princeton he missed his job interview so I naturally offered him a job at my studio. And Madison had nobody else to turn to so I took her into my home. But as soon as they met each other, Dad, it felt like they didn’t need me anymore. It was almost like I didn’t matter, like I didn’t exist. Oh Dad, what’s the point? Why go on?
Mr. Gus: I agree, Puddin’. Clam up!
Brighton: No, old boy, I know what she’s saying. Everyone wants to feel needed. But you know they love you deep down. Love just happens, no one knows why. And we wouldn’t be here celebrating it if it hadn’t been for Puddin’.
Puddin’ (hugs Brighton): Oh Dad! (Madison enters)
Commercial Break
Madison: Well, I see Puddin’s hormones are working. That means this rodeo’s fixing to kick off. Now if I may please present my fiancée, Princeton Alan Clarkson! (Princeton walks in, wearing a hot pink suit and pants; even the shoes are pink!)
Puddin’: Holy shiitake mushrooms, Prin! What in the name of Paul Lynde is going on here?
Princeton: Well Puddin’, what can I say? Hector did a good job!
Puddin’: Maybe you don’t grasp what this gathering is all about. I am giving my foster daughter away in marriage. Madison has met my father; I cannot say that about you. I expect you to come in here looking presentable, but instead you look like you just robbed Elton John! Dad, I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if you get up right now and walk away.
Brighton: Oh now why would I do that, Puddin’? I admire the person who doesn’t feel at liberty to change who he is to impress someone. In fact Princeton, I welcome you to this family. (Hugs him)
Princeton: Well thank you, Mr. Parker. See, Puddin’? You overreacted again.
Puddin’: Oy, I need a drink. What hard stuff do they serve here, Gussy?
Mr. Gus: Only this stuff called “Grog”.
Puddin’: Well then in that case, make it Diet Grog. Even when the chips are down, a girl’s still got to retain her figure. Hey, do they have chips?
The End
Written and Created by Princeton
Starring Princeton as Himself
Redboobergurl as Puddin’
Rue McClanahan as Granny Mae
Amanda Seyfried as Madison
Robin De Jesus as Hector
Christopher Lee as Brighton
Jerry Stiller as the voice of Mr. Gus
Open on Jordan Marsh Bridal Registry. Madison is getting fitted for her wedding dress. She is joined by Granny Mae and Hector, an employee of Jordan Marsh.
Hector: Oh sweetie, you look just good enough to eat! If only I weren’t diabetic.
Granny Mae: You know, if we were back in Mississippi, you and your swishiness would be hanging by the nearest magnolia tree.
Hector: Which reminds me: magnolia is one of our brand new lotion scents.
Granny Mae: This store doesn’t deserve magnolia.
Hector (to Madison): Well anyway Mad, this dress looks so yummy on you.
Granny Mae: And why shouldn’t it? It’s a Mae Montgomery original. You don’t just buy something of this quality from a store.
Hector: Actually Mae, I saw a dress just like it on eBay.
Granny Mae: I take it you were looking for an eyelash Liza dropped at one of her concerts? (Puddin’ enters)
Puddin’: Mad, Hector, Mae, I have the most marvelous news! My father is coming to Toledo for the wedding and he’ll naturally want to meet Prin.
Madison: That *is* great, Puddin’. Anything we can do?
Puddin’: Well, we’ve got to get him a nice suit somehow. We certainly don’t want a repeat of the ‘dodo tie’ fiasco.
Hector: If it’s a suit you need, Puddin’, then I’m your man!
Granny Mae: Or reasonable facsimile thereof.
Puddin’: Be still, Mae! Hector darling, while I appreciate it, I think my father’s expecting something more…
Granny Mae: Straight?
Puddin’: Vintage.
Hector: Oh I can do vintage, honey.
Puddin’: Very well, let’s see what you’ve got.
Granny Mae: You mean besides the complete works of Gore Vidal and a disapproving father?
Commercial Break
Open on the Mutton Hut, a British restaurant in Toledo. Puddin’, Brighton and Mr. Gus are sitting around their table, waiting for Madison and Princeton.
Brighton: So my darling Puddin’, has anything exciting happened to you lately?
Puddin’: Oh yes Dad, a bunch! A greasy Italian tried to foreclose on my studio, and a frump neighbor of mine not only tried to have my house blown up, but she stole Madison’s engagement ring and shipped her off to a boarding school in Rome!
Mr. Gus: But not exactly in that order.
Puddin’: But strangest of all, Dad, Mother came to me in a dream a few weeks ago.
Brighton: Really? What did she say?
Puddin’: She said that if I didn’t change my attitude about the wedding, she’d be forever ashamed of me.
Brighton: And I take it you’ve changed?
Puddin’: Well, what choice did I have, Dad? I’ve always tried to be the best daughter I could to both Mother and you. Now that Mother’s dead I certainly wouldn’t want to shame her.
Brighton: Of course darling, but why weren’t you just naturally happy for the kids?
Puddin’: Well Dad, it’s really the principle behind it all. I went out of my way to make sure I made a difference in both their lives. The very day I met Princeton he missed his job interview so I naturally offered him a job at my studio. And Madison had nobody else to turn to so I took her into my home. But as soon as they met each other, Dad, it felt like they didn’t need me anymore. It was almost like I didn’t matter, like I didn’t exist. Oh Dad, what’s the point? Why go on?
Mr. Gus: I agree, Puddin’. Clam up!
Brighton: No, old boy, I know what she’s saying. Everyone wants to feel needed. But you know they love you deep down. Love just happens, no one knows why. And we wouldn’t be here celebrating it if it hadn’t been for Puddin’.
Puddin’ (hugs Brighton): Oh Dad! (Madison enters)
Commercial Break
Madison: Well, I see Puddin’s hormones are working. That means this rodeo’s fixing to kick off. Now if I may please present my fiancée, Princeton Alan Clarkson! (Princeton walks in, wearing a hot pink suit and pants; even the shoes are pink!)
Puddin’: Holy shiitake mushrooms, Prin! What in the name of Paul Lynde is going on here?
Princeton: Well Puddin’, what can I say? Hector did a good job!
Puddin’: Maybe you don’t grasp what this gathering is all about. I am giving my foster daughter away in marriage. Madison has met my father; I cannot say that about you. I expect you to come in here looking presentable, but instead you look like you just robbed Elton John! Dad, I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if you get up right now and walk away.
Brighton: Oh now why would I do that, Puddin’? I admire the person who doesn’t feel at liberty to change who he is to impress someone. In fact Princeton, I welcome you to this family. (Hugs him)
Princeton: Well thank you, Mr. Parker. See, Puddin’? You overreacted again.
Puddin’: Oy, I need a drink. What hard stuff do they serve here, Gussy?
Mr. Gus: Only this stuff called “Grog”.
Puddin’: Well then in that case, make it Diet Grog. Even when the chips are down, a girl’s still got to retain her figure. Hey, do they have chips?
The End