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One Shots, Parodies, & Trailers!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by WebMistressGina, Aug 28, 2012.

  1. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member


    I know what you're thinking.

    Gina, you've got two outstandings and you're writing another one? Well, to answer that, no. I'm not actually. See, when I get a story in my mind, it's in there until 1. I'm forced to write it down regardless of what I'm doing or 2. it leaves my brain in the dead of night like some cat burgular or residents at the Happiness Hotel.

    And because some of these ideas are actually good, I don't want them to just vanish you know? But, in many cases, I don't have a story per se, but an idea that is funny or touching and I just don't have anywhere to put it. The Muppets here seem to be prime for just about any idea that I can come up with, which of course is great unless I can't think of a story for it. So, I decided, why not bring said idea to the masses and then YOU guys can tell me if I've got a story or not.

    Or heck, if you wanna make a story, be my guest.

    So this little piece of the Mup Cen forums I'm gonna devote to all those ridiculous ideas that I don't know what to do with. And yes, I got several. Some of these are parodies - after The Great Beartender, I've been on a Designing Women kick and several of those episodes seem to be Muppet stories waiting to happen. Also after hearing about the office sequel to Muppets 2011, I got these ideas in my head.

    And some of these are noodle incidents - stories that popped up from no where (like the '75 petting zoo incident with Gonzo, what happened during breakfast that got the fab four kicked out of a restaurant, why Fozzie's banned from sharp instruments, etc)

    Anyway, here's our first installment!

    Title: Untitled
    Genre: Parody; one shot?
    Idea From: Designing Women episode, "Foreign Affairs"
    Rating: PG-13

    What should have been a normal day at Muppet Theatre was anything but.

    That is to say that, a normal day at the theater and certainly with the Muppets was relative as to how you looked at it; the normal aspects of running a vaudeville like show in a theater, while also filming said show for television audiences could always be a hectic type of atmosphere. Add to it the cast of characters that made up the troupe and show itself and there was always a mix of trouble.

    Today however, director, producer, and leader of the Muppets Kermit the Frog wasn’t just dealing with the zaniness that was his cast and crew, but something on a bigger scale. That something was a bed that was situated backstage.

    Recently, one of the vacant lots up from the theater and that of Muppet Studios had been bought and turned into a furniture store. That in itself wasn’t anything bad, however it seemed that the store had a similar address to that of the studios; so in the last few weeks, the furniture that should have been delivered to the furniture store ended up being delivered to the theater instead.

    A table or chair hadn’t been too bad, but apparently a new client of the store was going all out in ordering larger and more custom made pieces. Last week, it was a leopard print sectional that had found its way backstage, much to the delight of everyone who sat on it; today, it was the large water bed like furniture that was not only driving Kermit to distractions, but that of the others too.

    “Why is there a bed here?” asked comic Fozzie Bear. Fozzie had been making his way to the stage in order to rehearse his act for their upcoming show, but had stopped short when he saw the bed.

    “It’s that stupid furniture store up the street,” Kermit complained. “Every time they get an order, it ends up coming to us. I’ve already called them three times this morning with no response. I have half a mind to go down there and tell them what they can do with all the furniture that keeps being sent here.”

    Fozzie gulped. He had seen Kermit get mad enough times to know that who ever was in charge at that store was going to regret not taking this bed back. The bear could only hope that his frog could last until the end of the day; that wish of course was immediately broken when their resident performance artist, Gonzo the Great saw the bed.

    “Hey awesome!” he exclaimed, immediately jumping in the bed. The surface moved with him, causing him to rise up and sink back down. “I love these things!”

    “Gonzo, get off of there!”

    “Kermit,” the daredevil continued, unheeded by the warning. “Why haven’t you thought about putting one of these in here before? Not that I’m knocking the change of heart, but…”

    “Why is there a bed back here?”

    Scooter Grosse, the stage manager and assistant for the theater, had just come from doing some errands to discover a giant bed in the backstage area. And he was fairly sure that hadn’t been there when he left last night.

    “Scooter,” the frog complained, one part exasperated by there being a bigger distraction backstage than usual and the fact that, per usual, Gonzo had gotten caught up in it. “Call that furniture store up the street and tell them to come pick up this monstrosity from our premises.”

    “Sure, Chief.”

    “Aw, let him try it out first,” Gonzo replied, taking a relaxing position on the bed itself. “Scooter, come over here and sit down.”

    “Scooter, do not get on that bed,” Kermit warned.

    “Don’t listen to him,” Gonzo retorted. “Just have a seat. You can call the furniture place while you sit.”

    It literally felt like a conversation between the devil and angel on his shoulders, but Scooter couldn’t deny that the bed looked comfortable. And certainly, sitting down wouldn’t be too bad, right? Taking his chances with the devil, Scooter took a seat on the side of the bed and was immediately at ease.

    It felt as though he sat down on a cloud and before he realized it, he was lying next to Gonzo on their floating distraction. “This is seriously nice,” he sighed.

    “Isn’t it?” Gonzo said. “I love these things. So contoured to put you at ease and relax you. Comfy, yeah?”

    “I’d consider getting one of these.”

    “You should, they’re great. I wasn’t sure they even still made them. Tough market to go through, you know?”


    “Oh yeah,” Gonzo nodded. “Well, at least in an American market.”

    “You know,” replied a voice from the other side. “For once, I’d like to walk in here and not feel as though I’ve walked on to the ward of a mental hospital.”

    Looking up, the two bedridden Muppets were greeted by the troupe’s leading lady, Miss Piggy. Having come in to rehearse her own act, the diva was met with an increasingly irritated frog and a large bed blocking nearly half of the backstage area.

    “What is this?”

    “It’s an Arabian nights gel bed,” Gonzo explained, sitting up slightly. “They’re great for your back. Here,” Moving his way to the end of the bed, the weirdo patted the area where he had been. “Try it, you’ll like it.”


    “Really Piggy,” Scooter replied, snugging deeper in the comforts of the gel. “It’s really relaxing.”

    “No,” she said again, looking at the assistant. “It’s just weird.”

    “Will you stop complaining and get in bed with me?” Gonzo huffed, heedless of the way that particular sentence sounded.

    Neither Piggy nor Kermit could ignore it, however. “I don’t ever want to hear that sentence from you again,” Kermit replied, turning to look at the weirdo.

    “That makes two of us,” Piggy muttered.

    “Whatever,” Gonzo sighed. “Piggy, just get in.”

    Heaving her own sigh, Piggy reluctantly got in bed, taking the space next to Scooter, and was immediately taken away from the softness and comfort of the design. As though she was riding on waves of bliss, the diva too snuggled in.

    “Oh wow.”


    “This…is…great!” she exclaimed. “Kermit, we need a bed like this.”

    “No we don’t.”

    Kermit turned around and tried to get to back to work, trying his best to ignore the three people he actually needed to be working today. Sometimes he was convinced that the theater was a magnet for the weird and insane, as though a portal to the Twilight Zone was just swirling around somewhere, hidden so they couldn’t find it, but there all the same.

    Coming off stage was the Electric Mayhem, the official band of the Muppet Show. Kermit always tried to get them a number in the show, as it seemed their act was the only sane thing that tended to happen around there. The group began to head down to their cantina, all except the lead guitarist Janice, whose curiousity at seeing a bed backstage pushed back the idea of food.

    “You’re probably wondering why we’re in this bed together,” Gonzo stated, seeing the looks the band members gave the relaxing trio.

    “No,” replied band leader Dr. Teeth and that of the bassist Floyd Pepper. Used to the weird and odd happening, neither decided to ponder nor comment on what they had seen, instead following their drummer and sax player down towards questionable food.

    Janice was not quite so lucky. “Okay,” she chuckled. “Like, I give. What’s up with the bed backstage?”

    “It’s so relaxing,” Scooter said.

    “Hey Jani, come over here,” Gonzo replied, waving the blonde over. “You have to try this.”

    “Gonzo,” Kermit interrupted, turning another irritated gaze on the weirdo. “Will you stop inviting people to get into bed with you?”

    By the time it had left his mouth, the frog knew he had just set himself up for comebacks he wasn’t in the mood to hear. And right on cue, the daredevil smirked at him. “Gee Kermit,” he said, smiling devilishly. “I haven’t done that since I got myself a steady girlfriend.”

    “Please,” Piggy retorted. “Even that didn’t stop you.”

    “Can’t blame a guy for trying.”

    “Okay,” Kermit sighed, turning back around and focusing on the desk in front of him, as well as the work he needed to do on it. “I’m not talking to you people anymore.”

    “Great,” Gonzo said. “Janice, come over here and try this.”

    Shrugging, the blonde walked over and got into the bed, taking the other side of Scooter; she was usually up for trying something at least once and this time did not disappoint. “Like whoa.”

    “Nice?” Piggy asked.

    “Like we totally need this in the studio,” the guitarist gushed. “Where did we get this?”

    “I dunno,” the weirdo shrugged. “Something about the furniture store up the street. But I say we totally buy it from them. Whadda think, Kermit?”

    “I’m not listening.”

    “So awesome,” Janice sighed. “Like, what is this for anyway?”

    “The bed?” Gonzo asked. “Or the gel?”

    “All of it.”

    “Oh,” the daredevil began. “Well, it’s supposed to be good for your back, cause of the gel and stuff. Trust me, the stuff is soothing. Camilla and I had one when I wrenched my back on this job once; talk about your relaxing afternoons.”

    “Like, I’m so sure it was the bed that was relaxing.”

    Gonzo smirked at the blonde. “Oh, the bed helped.”

    “Sounds like you need all the help you can get, Gonzo,” quipped Piggy.

    “Believe me, Princess,” the daredevil winked. “The bed was the added bonus.”

    “Do you all really think this is an appropriate conversation to be discussing in front of Scooter?” Kermit complained, throwing separate looks at the parties involved.

    “Andrew’s a big boy now,” Piggy replied, throwing a motherly arm around Scooter. “It’s important he learns these things from people he knows and trusts.”

    “You know, when the guys and I lived in this apartment building,” Janice went on to say. “And like, there was this couple who lived across the hall from us and I swear, they were like rabbits. Totally surprised when they even left the apartment.”

    “You know, I never believe those couples who say they’re with each other all time,” Piggy mentioned. “You have to have a break at some point. Girl’s gotta eat.”

    “Not if you bring the food to her,” Gonzo pointed.

    “Really?” Kermit replied, annoyed that no matter what he seemed to do, he could still hear their conversation behind him. “This is the conversation you’re going to have today?”

    “We’re changing the subject.”

    By then, Gonzo had started bouncing slightly at the end, which caused small ripples and waves to move throughout the bed frame, causing the girls to giggle in delight. “Like, it’s totally fun having a bed in the office,” Janice laughed.

    “Yeah,” the weirdo said, holding his arms out as he began to crest on the mini waves. “It’s kinda like surfing, but without the water and the fear of drowning.”

    “You know, if I’m disturbing you all by working,” the frog muttered. “I’ll turn off the lights and go home.”

    “Come on, Kermit!” Gonzo insisted. “Get in here. It’s a great bed! It’s supposed to help you relax and relate to people in a whole new way.”

    “I don’t want to relate to any of you in a whole new way.”

    “I’ll remember that for later,” Piggy retorted.

    Scooter, who had by this time fallen fast asleep, turned over and threw an arm around the person nearest to him, which happened to be Janice. “Well, Scooter’s certainly relaxed and wants to relate to us in a whole new way,” Gonzo joked.

    “Aw, leave him alone,” the guitarist chastised. Patting said arm across her body, she continued with, “He was up all late last night trying to type up a proposal with no Internet. He called me to find out the definition of ‘antidesiccants’.”

    Both Gonzo and Piggy looked at her. “Why did he call you?” the diva asked.

    “Because I know the definition of antidesiccants,” Janice replied. “It’s the compounds which are applied to plants to reduce dehydration and drying.”

    Again, the daredevil and diva stared. “That’s incredible,” Gonzo whispered. “Why do you know that?”

    “I know all the word oddities and their definitions.”


    “Cause I like learning,” the guitarist. “And like, they’re weird and weird stuff fascinates me.”

    “That’s amazing,” Piggy said, in awe. “Completely random and insane, but amazing none the less.”

    “Love you, baby,” murmured a sleeping assistant.

    Piggy smiled before leaning over him and saying, “And we love you.”

    “Hey girls,” Gonzo chuckled. “Come down here. Come down here and we’ll displace all the gel so when Scooter wakes up, he’ll be on this great big mound.”

    “Alright, that’s it,” said Kermit, turning from the, obviously, only place of sanity. “I want everyone out of that bed. Right now.”


    Blurry eyed and still a bit sleepy, Scooter woke when he realized he wasn’t cuddling a pillow or Mila Kunis. “What’s going on?”

    “Daddy Kermit’s kicking us off the gel bed,” replied Piggy, as she too stood.


    “I’m serious!” the frog cried. “Everyone off that bed! Scooter!”


    “Call that furniture store, call them right now and have them take this back. Today.”
  2. newsmanfan

    newsmanfan Well-Known Member

    What? You're stopping THERE?


    But I like this! *bouncing lightly on the bed* Boingy, boingy, boingy...

    :news: What's that?

    A bed.

    :news: Even with my glasses off I could see THAT. *scowl* What are you DOING on it?

    I'm not sure. Come help me figure it out?...

    Very very cute idea. This whole thing is adorable. The only gripe I have is that I just can't imagine Piggy ever using the phrase "completely random and insane"...it's much too modern-slang for her. Piggy doesn't do slang. Perhaps this revelation of Janice's could be...oh...I don't know...je nais se qua? (sp)
    WebMistressGina likes this.
  3. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member

    That's all I had. *shrugs*

    Glad you did! I liked it too, which is why I needed to write it down. That's definitely a side story to a much bigger one, I just haven't found the bigger one yet. The episode of DW that this is based on has Suzanne and Anthony posing as Suzanne's maid so that she can pass the citizenship test to stay in the States.

    And as hard as I tried, I just can not think up a good storyline in which Piggy or Gonzo or Scooter need to dress in drag. Believe me, I tried! I have tried!

    OOOOH! Je nais se qua is actually a good one, thank you! I have noticed that I've started taking the French out of Piggy's vocabulary; it could be that I just forget and then I hastily put it in somewhere or that the whole French thing was a 'young' Piggy routine, part and parcial of the allure of Miss Piggy and I think after being on her own in Paris, that sorta died out.

    I mean, she's still Miss Piggy, but she's not a...I dunno, naive as she has been maybe?

    Or it could also be that my last two freelancing assignments were about stuff in France and I personally find the clients to be unreasonable and quite frankly, my job gives me more respect and more pay than I'm willing to deal with these people. I'm thinking it's number three.

    So, funnily enough, I did have another story that I thought was just a half of a story, but when I thought about, I think it's an actual story, so I'm gonna go with it.

    I think the next one here was the idea I had about Fozzie juggling swords; I mentioned it in 6 Ball as that's where my mind took me, but again, for the life of me, I can't figure out where to put this and it's one of those 'scenes of a story'.

    That's up next!
  4. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Er Kris, the phrase you might be looking for is "je ne sais quoi".
    And seriously, bouncing on the bed? I expected you to know better, that's how we got Hobgoblins! *MST3K.

    Good ficlet Gina. It accomplishes what a story should: it has a beginning, middle, and somewhat of an ending. Sure, the conflict with the furniture store didn't get resolved, but it leads the reader to continue with their own conclusions as to whether it might or won't.
    Thanks for this, please keep writing/posting. :)
  5. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member

    Well, it's not really a full story, as I mentioned. It's really a scene that be placed in a story, I just haven't found that story yet. Basically I had it in my head and wanted to write it down before I completely forgot it.

    Now with that said, I actually did have two more scenes for this, cause I can imagine this being the complete and total headache that you could imagine it to be (for Kermit).

    Oh! I completely forgot to show you guys where this idea came from. Here is said episode -

    Again, I still can't figure out a good reason for having someone dress in drag for the A story, so any ideas, let me know!
  6. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Er, why have characters in drag when you can pluck some one of the one-time females people complain the Muppets lack? Like Wanda or Mildred or Hilda or Gladys or Winny or Maureen or...
  7. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member

    Cause it's part of the storyline, or rather, if I followed the story line of the DW episode. In it, in order to prevent Suzanne's maid from being deported, Suzanne gets Anthony to dress up as her maid, in order to fool INS, so that the maid can stay in the states.

    Usually if I come up with a parody idea I like to actually follow the episode, but in this case I just couldn't come up with a good idea in which to have someone dress in drag. And truthfully, depending on the combination, it probably would have been a Miss Piggy Mup Adventure with either her and Scooter or her and Gonzo, but again, just can't think up the A story for that to work.

    So instead, you get the B story about the bed. Watch the episode above to get the whole gist.
  8. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member


    Those embedded links don't show up when I'm reading posts, and I don't go to YouTube much because of their jerkish stop-and-go player though the rest of my family gets whatever they download without any problems. *:grouchy:

    As for your plot ponderings... Does it "Have" to be a male in drag for it to work? Here's a suggestion. Let's say Maureen's Piggy's maid/assistant who has to be protected/hidden from INS or whatever law enforcement agency's coming after her. In order to fool them (somewhat successfully or not as Muppets tend to do), what if Piggy then drags out Gorgon Heap in his Fielding the Butler persona from the Sherlock Holmes sketch? That could technically fulfill the plot elements you want I guess. *Shrugs, up to you what you want to do, so dare and be, er, sorry, lapsed into song quote mode for a sec.
  9. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member

    Huh. That's weird. Are you sure you have your browser set to play videos and stuff? Is flash installed? Java?

    Well, anytime you take someone and put them in drag, yes it's funnier.

    Again, if I'm going to go all out and do this per the episode, someone should be in drag. Here's a quick summary - also for anyone who can't see the player -

    So episode starts with Julia chastizing Charlene for having the Arabian gel bed delivered to them instead of their client, who apparently wasn't home to accept it. Before too long, Mary Jo, Charlene, and Anthony are riding around on the bed (most of Julia's comments I've given to Kermit)

    When Suzanne comes in to work, she's dressed pretty shabbily. Turns out she's dressed as her maid Consuella, who has just gotten a letter that she is going to be deported unless she gains citizenship. The reason Anthony gets involved is because he speaks Spanish, which Suzanne does not; that's how he ends up helping her and because the official they speak to knows Suzanne as Suzanne and not Consuella means that Anthony is the one who has to be dressed as the maid.

    Other than the bed segment, there are several lines that I enjoyed that I thought were just perfect Muppet lines -

    1. the conversation about the Halls (the clients) sex life causes Mary Jo and Charlene to reflect that they had been a little tacky in conversation that day.

    2. I think my absolute favorite conversation in the whole episode -

    Charlene: (after Suzanne and Anthony have left) I wonder what's keeping Suzanne and Anthony.

    Julia: Charlene. Are you serious? Suzanne just left here with a six foot black dressed as hazel in order to defraud the United States government and you're wondering what's keeping them? Well, it's been three hours, I don't think you have to wonder anymore. They're in prison.

    I can just see this exchange between Fozzie and Kermit and all I know is that Piggy is one of these offenders; I just can't decide if I wanted Gonzo or Scooter to be the accomplice. And because there's money involved (that's primarily how Anthony gets talked into this), that can't really be a motivation, as all three (Piggy, Gonzo, and Scooter) are fairly well off (in my series) that money would seem moot.

    And I hope that helps!
  10. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Well, I don't rully see why it can't be a background monster at random. But given he's already gone to jail with her and he'd probably get the bigger kick out of it as it might expand his wardrobe options, go with the weirdo.
    *Knows I'll regret it, but what if Scooter tries passing himself os as his sister Skeeter?

    Then again, the oneshot was fine as is, maybe move on to other ficlet scenes or your neglected stories proper?
  11. AlittleMayhem

    AlittleMayhem Well-Known Member

    Oh, man! I can't stop giggling! Gonzo is wonderfully weird! Sometimes I forget that he can be an unintentional perv.

    Least, I think it's unintentional. XD

    Highly enjoyable! I look forward to future shorts! :D
  12. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member

    So, this next idea is actually a trailer for something I may or may not do. Haven't decided yet. This all came about when I heard that Muppets 2 was official, which tied in with learning the release date of the Expendables 2, which if you are a child of the 80s and enjoyed Rambo, Commando, Moonlighting, Missing in Action, and any movie with Jean Claude Van Damme, you will enjoy the Expendables as a whole.

    Anyway, this is the trailer for what I call....

    The Great
    Muppet Escape

    One Group -

    *a scene of the Muppets in various flashing sccenes*

    Fozzie: They've got Kermit.

    One Mission -

    Piggy: I will not rest until my frog is back here.

    To save one frog -

    *Scene of Kermit being held hostage by unknown hostiles*


    Scene of a few Muppets entering a dark cavern that Scooter has apparently built under the theater.

    Piggy: You've been a busy little go-fer.

    Scooter: I take pride in my recreational activities.


    *Scene of Rowlf in a bar ordering a drink with an attractive border collie*

    BC: Are you always so charming, Senior Rowlf?

    R: I like my women the way I like my kibble - a little bit of crunch, with a nice chewy center, with a dallop of jalepeno flavoring. (thinking about it) I'm sorry, what was I talking about?


    G: No worries. I know a guy.

    F: What guy?

    G: (suspicious) Just a guy.

    P: Oh please. Everyone knows you get your weird merchandise from the illegal fireworks guy in Chinatown.

    G: (annoyed) Well, just announce it to the world, why don't you?


    Fozzie knocks someone out.

    P & G: Whoa.

    P: Way to take a level there, Fozzie.

    F: Yeah (nervous laugh)


    (giving chase before seeing a motorcycle)(to audience) What an unbelievable and cleverly placed coincidence, as though a group of people were telling me something. (smiling) And I thank you.

    They're out to do the impossible -

    F: When have we ever done the possible? SOmetimes guys, you gotta give the ridiculous a try.

    To do the ridiculous -

    Janice: This is probably the worst idea we've ever had

    Floyd: Really? Cause we've had worse ideas than this before

    To fight evil -

    Villain: Silly Frog, hope is for kids.

    In order to find their frog -

    Scenes of Kermit and the group crying "for Kermit!"
    The Muppets
    The Great
    Muppet Escape
    newsmanfan and AlittleMayhem like this.
  13. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Wait, wha?

    Wasn't it Gonzo who dug the tunnel cave beneath the theater to escape the boiler room in the episode with Chloris Leechman?
    Er, methinks you mean "dollip".
    The guy in Chinatown? Oh, you must mean Laüd Bong. *Sorry, that's a joke from way back when the Disney Pincast started).
    Yes, I think we're trying to tell you something with that motorcycle placed there pig. Like a not-so-subtle hint to your friend to update her other fic she's got going.
    Aw, come on, just let the frog have his hope.
    *Ankles away with the rest of the band.
  14. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member

    You are correct, however this is more like a Bat Cave. I remember now! I got this idea after seeing TDKR!

    Wha? A dollip where?

    Um...he was just nameless guy in Chinatown, but if I ever do do this, his name is now Laud Bong.

    Yeah, yeah. I'll not so subtle you.

    No. No hopes. No hopes for you.
  15. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    But that cereal stinks! Just let the stupid rabbit have it already!

    Yeah, the underground tunnels. Dunno how muppetwriter's going to convert TDKR into his Sesame DC series.

    Hee, that was actually a misreading of the Loud Bang's fireworks cart's name, located at WDW where Pleasure Island used to be which I think is now part of DT (DownTown) Disney.

    Oh, and I left you an idea for who it is you want to drag into the INS scam up above. ;)
  16. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member

    Okay, so I really was going to work on WBM today, however once again Google Drive failed to sync the portion I wrote last night, so I was unable to work on it this morning. But with that said, I just couldn't finishing this.

    So, here's another Designing Women parody, this time the episode is "There She Is"; at first, I thought it was just a small portion, but I think this could be a story at some point. No title, just an idea.

    Title: Untitled
    Rating: G/PG
    Idea From: Designing Women episode "There She Is"

    Summers in California always proved the most excellent of excuses to throw a party. Many a summer day and evening saw neighbors in their front or backyard, grilling, listening to music, and having the family and friends over for the day. For the crew that made up the Muppets, getting together after spending most of their time together may have seemed redundant, but there was a difference between working and having fun, though most of the time their work was having fun.

    And there was no place better for a party than that of the residence that belonged to Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy. Purchased and built sometime after their ‘wedding’ from their third movie, the ranch style house was as cozy as it was secure. Surrounded by tall hedges, the security gate only opened if you either rang or knew the code; it of course signaled the home of the two as it was monogrammed with their images in steel and ironwork.

    The driveway led to two different paths – one to the front of the house and the other to the garage. Most of their vehicular enhanced friends parked halfway up the drive, which of course always caused issues when someone wanted to leave and had nearly five cars parked behind them.

    The house itself wasn’t overly large, something that Piggy had kept in mind in regards to her frog. They both had wildly differing tastes, however it seems that when Piggy was building and designing the house, every nuance that she thought Kermit would appreciate, she took into account. Three bedrooms, two baths, a large kitchen with adjoining patio and pool, as well as a large living room made up the couple’s cozy and happy abode.

    Currently, the living room seemed to be the only place that Kermit could go in his own house. Piggy took to party planning as though she was competing in an Olympic sport; party favors had been set up, food was going to be catered, desserts were being made, and who knew what else. And because she had wanted everything to be just so, she had banned Kermit from going into the kitchen or to that of the patio.

    That of course didn’t suit the frog well as he was hungry. And with there being desserts in the house, it meant that he could have a tasty snack, or two, to tide him over until Rowlf and Chef got there to start grilling the meat.

    “Piggy, come on!” came his complaint, as the diva pushed him away from the kitchen for the fourth time that day and led him into the living room. “I’m hungry!”

    “There is a perfectly good bowl of snacks sitting on the coffee table,” was her response.

    And indeed, there was a nice bowl of fruit, as well as some Chex mix sitting on the coffee table. However, Kermit didn’t want a nice bowl of fruit or the Chex mix; he wanted one of the cookies he knew had been baking in the kitchen or whatever other tasty, sinful treat was being kept from him.

    “Woman,” the frog stated, turning abruptly. “I’m hungry and I demand to be allowed in my kitchen!”

    Kermit may have been hungry, but he wasn’t really in control; he had a long time ago conceded that to his housemate, who was currently giving him a look – and an out – should he decide to change his statement and tone.


    “Aw Kermie,” Piggy cooed, giving the frog’s cheek a pinch. “You’re adorable even when you’re trying not to be. Look, if you’re a good little frog and stay out of the kitchen, Moi will reward you for your patience and resistance.”

    She almost had him, but at the last moment he actually thought about what that could mean. Getting a reward from Piggy could be anything from pleasurable to painful. “What kind of reward?” he asked, suspiciously.

    The diva smiled, one of those alluring, predatory smiles and decided that instead of showing him what she meant, she’d tell him.

    In detail.

    Leaning over to whisper in his ear, Piggy explained just exactly what she was willing to offer if Kermit could afford to reign in his sweet tooth. Truthfully, Kermit was a bit torn – he really was hungry. In helping Piggy, or rather in staying out of her way, he hadn’t had much to eat for breakfast and really did want a cookie and he thought he smelled brownies earlier.

    On the other hand, there was a reward that he could look forward to. Looking at her, he was barely able to move his mouth, which had dropped open at the very suggestion. “I don’t think you’re that limber,” he challenged, knowing full well that – should Piggy put her mind to it – she could do stunts that made Gonzo look like an amateur sometimes.

    “You wanna find out or what?”

    When the doorbell rang, the two didn’t even bother to turn towards the sound, they just simultaneously shouted out, “Come in, Fozzie!” not once taking their eyes off each other.

    True to form, Muppet comic Fozzie Bear came through the door, not caring about the standoff that was happening in the living room and more about the sweets that were just sitting in the kitchen. The bear had a notorious sweet tooth and his sweet tooth senses had been tingling ever since he had pulled up into the driveway.

    “Hiya guys!” he said, making his way towards the kitchen. “I can’t wait to chow down!”

    It was crunch time and Kermit the Frog needed to decide if he was going to take Piggy up on her offer or not. While the temptation of sweets and other tasty things were calling him towards the kitchen, his stomach was outvoted. He actually did want to take his chances and find out.

    “Fozzie, stay out of the kitchen.”

    “Aw,” the bear whined, stopping short of his destination. “Why?”

    “Cause Piggy said so.”

    Fozzie pouted and seemed to trudge his way over to where the couple was. One look at the pitiful and sad face that he was making made Piggy almost cave in to their demands. Almost. “You’ll be fine, you big baby,” she said, giving the bear a pat on the cheek.

    “But I’m hungry!”

    “Heaven knows why I’d want any children when I have the two of you to take care of,” the diva lamented. “There is fruit and Chex on the table. Eat that.”

    “Hey hey!”

    The arrival of performance artist/daredevil Gonzo the Great was entirely expected, but Piggy rolled her eyes none the less. She really did have a thousand things to do before this party started and the thought of leaving these three in her house, alone, did nothing to bolster her confidence.

    “Let me at that food!” he continued, copying Fozzie’s original path towards snack treats. “I’ve skipped both breakfast and lunch for this thing and my stomach has just informed me it’s time to parrrr-tay! Look, I even wore my party vest.”

    Gonzo had been and would always be known for his unique tastes in everything. Whether it be pickle and horseradish ice cream to the stunts that he performed, Gonzo was definitely a one of a kind personality; this of course also extended to his wardrobe. Once telling Piggy that his closet was full of matching outfits, the weirdo went out of his way to make sure that nothing he picked from there would ever match.

    Today’s ensemble was actually very low key for him – black sneakers covered by a pair of jeans which were covered by an eye blinding argyle sweater vest which covered a light pink shirt. As far as Piggy was concerned, it still made her eyes want to jump from their sockets.

    “You’re blinder than I thought,” she muttered. “Alright, mon amies,” she announced, all the while giving Kermit a kiss on the head, patting Fozzie once more on the cheek, and then delivering a playful – but hard – slap on the back of Gonzo’s head as she passed.

    “Moi shall return in a bit. Remember Kermie, no one in that kitchen.”


    “Ta!” And without a look behind her, Miss Piggy was off to do whatever needed to be done.

    And as soon as she was out the door, Gonzo and Fozzie continued on their quest towards the kitchen.
    “No way, guys,” Kermit intervened, stopping them as soon as he saw them move. “You heard her. No one in the kitchen.”

    “What the pig doesn’t know won’t hurt us,” Gonzo replied. “As long as she doesn’t find out.”

    “It’s Piggy,” Fozzie stated, taking a few steps back. “She’ll find out.”

    “He’s right,” Kermit nodded. “Besides, if I keep you and myself out until it’s time, I get a reward.”

    “What kind of reward?” Fozzie asked, his eyes lighting up as though it was Christmas day. The bear had a reputation of sticking to the things he loved as a child and it gave him a childlike innocence that they all didn’t want to ruin.

    “Probably one that can’t be shown on premium cable before midnight,” Gonzo chuckled.

    Kermit sighed, though it was more of a huff than actual sigh. “Are you a pervert by design or enjoyment?” he asked.

    “Oh that’s easy,” the weirdo responded, making his way towards the snack dishes on the coffee table. “Enjoyment!”

    The ringing of the doorbell cut whatever retort the frog had planned, so he decided to file it away under things to never discuss with the daredevil. Assuming that it was one of their own, Kermit hollered, “Come in!”

    The door opened to reveal a tan colored Muppet with long dark hair and small rim glasses. She was dressed professionally and nodded to the trio as she walked in. “Hello,” she replied. “I’m looking for a Miss Piggy, is she in?”

    “You just missed her,” Fozzie said, barely swallowing the handful of raspberries he had thrown in his mouth.

    “I always seem to be missing her,” the Muppet sighed.

    “Well,” Kermit began. “Maybe there’s something I can help you with. Piggy and I are…um…pretty close.”

    “They’re only one piece of paper away from being legally married,” Gonzo quipped, earning him a look from the frog.

    “Well, I think that would be okay,” the Muppet said, nodding again when Kermit showed her to the couch to sit. “My name is Courtney Hallsworthy, I’m on the board of directors for the pagent commission of Iowa.”

    “Iowa?” Kermit asked, suddenly feeling of dread hitting him. “What brings you all the way to Beverly Hills?”

    “Well,” Hallsworthy began. “As I said, I’m with the pagent commission and we’ve recently begun the process of updating all of our records and submitting them online. This way we have a quicker ability and we can avoid that horribleness of the fire of 1993. Anyway, as we were going through our past winners, we discovered an error when it came to Miss Piggy’s 1980 win for Miss Bogan County. She isn’t.”

    “Isn’t what?” asked Fozzie.

    “Miss Bogan County,” Hallsworthy continued. “Miss Piggy never won the title.”

    “Ms. Hallsworthy,” Kermit chuckled. “You’ll forgive me, but the three of us were there. She was wearing a pink gown, a blue sash, and had a crown on her head. Now if she wasn’t Miss Bogen County, what was she?”

    “A clerical error,” the Muppet explained. Reaching into the briefcase she had brought with her, she pulled out a number of documents and began looking at them. “It seems there was a mix up in the ballot counts. Oh, she was very close with a…Lorelei Hollingsworth, but as it turns out, it was Ms. Hollingsworth that won.”

    “What…” Gonzo started, not sure he was quite understanding this conversation. “What exactly does that mean?”

    “It means she’ll have to give it back,” Hallsworthy replied. “Some of the board members are actually down here on business – we have these little conventions you know – and we thought this would be a great opportunity to rectify this horrible mistake. I can only apologize in our discovering our error so late, but I’m sure Miss Piggy is every bit the charming, caring, and responsible woman she portrays on your show and in the movies.”

    “Have you…met…Miss Piggy?” Gonzo asked.

    “Unfortunately I wasn’t on the board at that time,” Hallsworthy replied. “Why do you ask?”

    “No reason.”

    Hallsworthy handed Kermit a card, saying, “This is all the information she’ll need to be at the ceremony tomorrow.”

    “Tomorrow?” Fozzie choked.

    “Again, so sorry this is so late,” Hallsworthy stated. “I’ve tried to reach her at your place of business, but I’m always missing her or no one answers the phone.”

    The three nodded slowly. Things could be hectic at the theater, even worse when fires needed putting out, disputes needed stopping, and guest stars needing rescuing.

    “Well, thank you very much for your time and understanding, Mr. The Frog.”

    “Oh…uh…” the frog stumbled, quickly shaking the hand of the director. “Sure. Thank…thank you for stopping by.”

    “I’ll see myself out.” Hallsworthy nodded to the trio, took her briefcase and then took her leave.

    The three watched her go before slowly turning to look at each other. This…was bad. This was beyond bad, this…this was…this was…so very very bad.

    “So Kermit,” Gonzo said, slowly. “How ya gonna tell her?”

    “Very gentlely,” the frog murmured. “And from a hundred feet away, preferably surrounded by thousands of armed guards and tanks.”

    “Well,” Fozzie began. “Well…maybe it’s not so bad.”

    “Not so bad!?” exclaimed the weirdo. “Have you forgotten who we’re talking about here?”

    “Hey!” the bear protested. “Even if Piggy didn’t win, she’s still runner up! And in the case the current Miss Bogen County is unable to fulfill her duties…”

    “Fozzie, that never happens!” Gonzo interrupted. “Kermit…Kermit, you know Piggy. How’s she gonna take this? Really?”

    “Are you kidding?” the frog cried. “This is Piggy we’re talking about. Oh, she may talk a good game and parade around like the star she is, but she prides herself on being a former Miss Bogen County. As far as she’s concerned, if she hadn’t gotten that, she wouldn’t have gotten all of this; that title opened up the doors to all of the other stuff, including us. For her to find out that she’s not Miss Bogen County…who knows what could happen!?”

    “I’ll tell you what’s going to happen,” Gonzo interjected. “Plague, pestilence, the four horsemen of the apocalypse! Maybe…maybe we should leave her a note, you know? That way we can skip town and…”

    “Gonzo, we can’t do that,” Kermit protested.


    “Because Piggy’s our friend and we have to support her.”

    “I can support her just fine a thousand miles from here,” the daredevil said. “Besides, she’s your girlfriend. You support her. You got that big reward coming to you later…”

    “Gonzo might have an idea.”

    “Thanks a lot, Fozzie,” the frog muttered.

    “What?” the bear asked. Thinking about Gonzo’s last statement, he said, “No, not that, I mean about telling Piggy something else or…or pushing it off a bit. Like, I had this friend who was housesitting for this family and their bird died. Well, he didn’t want to just come out and say, “hey you’re bird’s dead” cause you know, that’s kinda mean.

    “Anyway, while they were on vacation, he’d send them a note like ‘the bird is on the roof’, right? Then the next week he said, ‘the bird fell off the roof’; and then it was ‘the bird broke its wing’ and then he sent ‘the bird died’.”

    Both Gonzo and Kermit looked at the bear.

    “How is that helpful?” asked the weirdo.

    “I don’t know!” the bear exclaimed. He hated being put on the spot and certainly when it came to coming up with plans that would probably blow up in their faces. “It’s supposed to…you know…soften the blow a bit.”

    Again, both weirdo and frog looked at their friend.

    “How much time do you think we’d have before she comes back?” asked Kermit.

    “Well, it’s Piggy,” Gonzo replied. “And it’s Piggy throwing a party, so maybe she’ll get caught up in her shopping and lose track of time, which means we could probably have about a few hours and I think a few hours is really all we need. It can’t be more than twelve hours to Mexico…”

    “Think Mexico’s a good idea?”

    “Only if Piggy doesn’t know Spanish,” Fozzie whispered. “Wait, none of us knows Spanish either.”

    “So?” Gonzo said. “Piggy didn’t know French until she moved to France; shouldn’t be hard to learn. We’ll change our names; I’ll be Gonzolito Suave and…”

    “Did…did you just think of that name just now?” the frog interrupted.

    “No,” Gonzo replied. “I happen to have a list of names for any occasion.”

    “Why?” asked Fozzie.

    The daredevil shrugged. “In case I have to leave the country.”

    “Why would you…?” Kermit began and then stopped, shaking his head. He didn’t want to know what plausible reasons Gonzo could or had come up with that would make him need to leave the country.

    He didn’t want to know.

    Whatever plans the three had on either leaving the city, state, or country were put on hold when the door opened to reveal Piggy carrying a shopping bag. Her arrival must have surprised them because she could clearly see the shock on their faces.

    “You boys haven’t been in the kitchen, have you?” she asked, with a knowing smile. She figured at one or all of them had to have snuck in the kitchen and she was more than prepared to replace any cookies, cupcakes, or brownies that were missing.

    “No,” the three said.

    “Cause you look like you have a dirty secret you want to share with me.”

    “What a…what an odd thing to say,” Kermit chuckled, nervously.

    “Well,” the diva replied, putting the bag down by the door and standing in the living room proper. “I really hope you haven’t been in there. I have a big surprise in there.”

    “You have one out here too,” Fozzie muttered, earning him a look of warning from Kermit.


    “Nothing!” Kermit exclaimed, jumping up and taking the pig by the hand. Leading her over to the couch to sit next to him, he began with, “Piggy, come over here, darlin’, and sit down. The four of us never just…sit down and…sit.”

    Clearing his throat several times, Kermit sat facing her, smiling in the most non threathening and hopefully cheerful way he could. “Um…so…we…we were sitting here and um…we were sitting here and we were talking about what our lives would like if…for example, we didn’t do certain things.”

    “Like what?”

    “Well, well, like uh…” he stumbled. He hadn’t really been prepared for this and he could swear that his life was passing before his eyes as he spoke. “Well, like if…Fozzie hadn’t been a comic or if…Gonzo hadn’t been a performing artist!”

    “Or…or…if you hadn’t won Miss Bogen County!” Gonzo blurted.

    Thankfully, Piggy must have thought this whole conversation was either funny or odd because his statement caused her to laugh.

    “Which…which of course is silly,” Kermit amended. “But let’s…for argument’s sake, pretend that you weren’t.” He concluded the statement by rubbing her shoulder before twirling a strand of her hair with his fingers.

    “Can you imagine that?”


    “Try,” Gonzo replied.

    The diva sighed, though she did try to think about life without that crown, if only to satisfy their morbid curiosity. And she just couldn’t do it. “I can’t do it,” she replied, honestly. “No matter what I do, I still see and feel that crown on my head.”

    “But what if it wasn’t?” asked Fozzie.

    “Wasn’t what?”

    “What if that crown wasn’t on your head?”

    “If it’s not on my head, then where is it?”

    “On the roof,” Kermit murmured. His mind went over the story that Fozzie had told earlier, but there was obviously a disconnect between his brain and his mouth.

    Piggy looked at the frog strangely. What exactly had these three gotten into while she had been gone? To her knowledge, those sweets had been untouched by malicious hands and she had pre-banned Floyd Pepper from even entering the house unless he was accompanied by a legal and sane adult.

    “What?” she asked.

    “Piggy,” Gonzo interrupted. This was going no where and he desparately hoped to get them in a place where either Piggy would just accept this or they could escape unharmed. “Do you remember someone by the name of Lorelei Hollingsworth?”

    “No,” was her immediate answer. As though she could remember every single person she met in her…oh wait. “Oh wait,” she corrected. “Yeah, I remember her. She was in the Miss Bogen County finals with me.”

    “Oh, I bet she was the nicest person ever!” Fozzie gushed. “And you two were the bestest friends, right?”

    “No, she hated me,” she said. “We had been neck and neck up to the finals and she got into a snit because I was beating her in every event. She nearly sabotaged my talent event, but Moi always has extra talents to spare. Fixed her little wagon, yes I did.”

    “I’d like to think that means you were the bigger person and, with some soul searching, you decided to let any anger you may have been feeling go in the face of being a good sportsman, but I have a feeling I’d be wrong and highly disappointed.”

    “Why’re you guys asking about this?” she questioned. “And how do you know about Lorelei?”

    The door opened unexpectedly, causing those on the couch to turn; the opened door revealed Courtney Hallsworthy once more. “I almost forgot,” she said. “Can you make sure that Miss Piggy brings both the sash and the crown? That way we can give them to Lorelei.”

    “Say what?” asked Piggy, staring incredulously at the Muppet.

    Lew Zealand, who had followed the woman from the driveway up to the door, suddenly jumped out from behind her, fish in both hands. “Somebody call for some halibut?” he shouted.

    Training her eyes on Kermit, Piggy asked, “What is she talking about?”

    It wasn’t the question that made Kermit, it was the very dangerous way in which she asked. The frog had known the pig and had been with her long enough to know that she was barely holding on to whatever semblance of calm still existed at that particular moment.

    “Darlin’,” he cooed, though he did move away from her slightly. “Baby, promise you won’t get mad.”

    “I promise not to break your legs.”

    Kermit grimaced. “Okay, close enough,” he gulped. “So, remember that conversation about what if we weren’t something? Well…turns out that you’re not a former Miss Bogen County. Surprise.”

    And that's it for the moment. I don't know where this little tidbit is gonna go or what the title will be, but there's probably a story here. I just, you know, need to write it out.
    fufumuppet and charlietheowl like this.
  17. charlietheowl

    charlietheowl Well-Known Member

    That was such a good sketch! I loved Fozzie's story about the bird and no one wanting to eat the Chex Mix. Thanks for sharing.
  18. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Okay... Thoughts.

    1 There are a couple of broken bits that need fixing.
    a. "quicker ability" to do "what"?
    b. "the question that made Kermit" do "what"?
    2 "threathening" should be "threatening" instead, and "pagent" should be "pageant".
    3 Posted by WMG:
    "The door opened to reveal a tan colored Muppet with long dark hair and small rim glasses. She was dressed professionally and nodded to the trio as she walked in."
    Yep, that's Courtney all right. Former C.I.T. turned high-power attorney from Total Drama.
    4 This story made me laugh in good ways in certain places. Trying to wait patiently cause you haven't eaten all day and you know there's something sweet and lovin' cooking in the oven. 12 hours to Mexico. Gonzo having a list of names for when he may have to leave the country.
    5 The fact they're having a summer party, that's just about right this time of year.

    And yes, this should be continued into your Miss Piggy's Muppet Adventures series. Thank you for another serving of ficky pudding.
  19. miss kermie

    miss kermie Well-Known Member

    Oh my gosh I love these! I especially love the one with the bed, it's funny. LOL

    More please!
  20. WebMistressGina

    WebMistressGina Well-Known Member

    Yeah, I know. I swear I thought I changed that, but I was probably trying to juggle the freelance assignment I have to do again, today or else I don't get paid tomorrow, and a bit annoyed that i couldn't work on Monday, which I was all set and prepared to do. Well, guess what you all have to look forward to on your Monday off?

    a. a quicker ability to search through files is what I'm sure I meant. Or a quick ability to save files, hence that nasty fire. I dunno. Something.

    b. Uh...I think it was either back away from her or gulp. One of the two.

    2. And by now, you know I can't spell. :p

    You mean Total Drama Island? Never seen it.

    Well, I have now just eaten. The veggies from my Garlic Lemon Pepper Shrimp (how nice of me to not bother with leaving actual shrimp) and a cookie. Well, one and a half cookies; the other half is sitting on the desk. I's full now.

    So, the idea for Gonzo's 'Gonzolito Suave' actually came to me yesterday. I don't know why, but I saw the Muppets with walkie talkies and Gonzo insisting they address him as 'Gonzolito Suave'. I'm sure this is Family Guy's fault cause Something Something Something Dark Side was on the other day.

    I definitely have to check if Lorelei was indeed the runner up to Miss Piggy. I've been meaning to watch TMM to verify that and just haven't gotten around to it. Okay, so...I have about four hours here at work. I have a freelance assignment to do and then I'm out for a three day weekend.

    Before you say anything, yes my plan is to update the two series I have up right now. WBM is actually about to draw to a close, which only leaves Motocross. Now with that said, which of these extra stories would you like me to write up -

    The Great Muppet Escape Trailer 2


    The story of Fozzie's sword juggling act

    Okay, back to work now!

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