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Poems, Haikus, and Whatnot(s)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by cjd874, Nov 16, 2013.

  1. cjd874

    cjd874 Well-Known Member

    Most of you are familiar with my Muppet Show outlines and artwork. But since I don't have as much time for that, I am resorting to short poems and haikus (thanks to the MC member who inspired me with her own haiku thread). So we kick off the proceedings with a few haikus about the Muppet performers:

    "Jim Henson"

    He brought Kermit, Rowlf,
    And Ernie to life. Jim's gone,
    But not forgotten. :):sympathy::p

    "Frank Oz"
    Miss Piggy, Grover,
    Fozzie, Bert, and Cookie…Frank's
    A master, indeed. :mad::super::o:(:insatiable:

    "Jerry Nelson"
    The Count, Gobo, Floyd,
    Sherlock, Lew…and that's just the
    Tip of the iceberg! :batty::smirk::sing::search::fishy:

    "Richard Hunt"
    He gave us Scooter,
    Beaker, and Janice...Like Jim,
    He left us too soon. ;):eek::flirt:

    "Caroll Spinney"
    Given only two
    Muppets to play: Bird and Grouch.
    Named "Living Legend." :wisdom::grouchy:

    "Dave Goelz"
    Gonzo, Boober, and
    Dr. Bunsen Honeydew...
    What a legacy! :concern::sigh::confused:

    "Steve Whitmire"
    He had to fill the
    Largest shoes ever, and has
    Done a darn good job. :):p:eek::boo::shifty:
     
  2. cjd874

    cjd874 Well-Known Member

    More haikus about obscure Muppets:

    "Droop"

    A sad furry, green
    Anteater? Wow…and I thought
    Eeyore was depressed...

    "George the Janitor"

    Apparently, George
    Was fired 'cause he didn't
    Clean up his act. (Groan...)

    "J.P. Grosse"

    Scooter's uncle, or
    As Kermit the Frog sneers, "the
    Bloodless old tightwad."

    "Lew Zealand"

    He throws the fish AY-
    WAY, and they come back to him!
    Where's the love for him?!

    "Zoot"

    Shades, skullcap, and sax:
    Zoot has taught us how to be
    Cool...and how to sleep...

    "Mahna Mahna and the Snowths"

    Mahna Mahna! Doo
    Dooooo-Doo Doo Doo. Mahna Mah-
    NA! Doo Doo-Doo Doo.
     
  3. cjd874

    cjd874 Well-Known Member

    I've decided that this thread will be devoted to my fan fictions other than outlines. So to kick that off, here's an original Sesame Street skit starring the Count (circa 1980s).

    "The Count Takes a Drive"

    (Scene opens, and the Count is riding in his Countmobile.)
    The Count: Ah, greetings! It is I, the Count! Right now, I am taking a drive around the city, and it is WONDERFUL! Do you know why? Because there are many things to count in the city! (The Count passes by a park.) Ah, look at all those trees in the park! One tree! Two trees! Three threes! Four trees! And all the little birdies in the trees! One! Two! Three! Four! Five! SIX birdies! Ah ah ah ah! And look at all the little children at the playground! One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, TEN little children! Ah ah ah! (Thunder and lightning, and a car horn honks at the Count. A green Anything Muppet man is in the car next to the Countmobile.)
    Green AM: Hey, slow down there, buddy! (drives away)
    The Count: Oh, my. I'm sorry. I just get carried away very easily. Ah, let me see…what is next? Ah, look at what's ahead! There are lots of stores and shops here in the city, and I will count them all! The bakery…ONE! The supermarket…TWO! The toy store…THREE! The barber shop…FOUR! The pharmacy…FIVE! And the tailor shop…that makes SIX! Ah, I love it! The post office…SEVEN! The shoe store…EIGHT! The jewelry store…NINE! And the restaurant…TEN! TEN WONDERFUL PLACES! AH AH AH AH! (The Count swerves and narrowly misses a hot dog cart. The Pumpkin AM vendor and his Lavender AM customer jumps out of the way in fright.)
    Lavender AM Lady: Oh my goodness!
    Hot Dog Vendor: HEY! Watch where you're driving, mac!
    The Count: Oh, dear! I did not see them…ah, well. Look! There are so many wonderful signs in the city, too! Let me count them! (begins reading and counting signs) "WET PAINT." One sign! "NO PARKING." Two signs! "ONE WAY." Three signs! And the magnificent "STOP" sign! That's FOUR SIGNS!!! AHAHAHAHAHAH!!! (More thunder and lightning as the Count keeps driving, and suddenly a police siren wails. A squad car pulls up, and the Count pulls over to the side. Two officers get out of their car and walk toward the Countmobile.)
    Officer #1: Excuse me sir, do you know why we pulled you over?
    The Count: Why, Officer?
    Officer #2: You ran a stop sign, mister. That's a $50 fine.
    The Count: Fifty dollars? Okay. (pulls out wallet and starts shelling out dollars) That's one dollar…two dollars…three dollars…FOUR dollars… (more excitedly) FIVE dollars! SIX dollars! SEVEN dollars! Ah ah ah ah! (thunder and lightning)
    (The officers stare at the sky, at the Count, and then at each other.)
    Officer #1: Oh boy, Kev…we got a weirdo.
    Officer #2: I have a feeling we'll be here for a while, Rich…
    The Count (still counting): ELEVEN DOLLARS! TWELVE DOLLARS! THIRTEEN WONDERFUL DOLLARS! AH AH AH AH AH!!! (ending music plays)

    Cast:
    Jerry Nelson as the Count
    Richard Hunt as Officer #1 (Fat Blue AM)
    Kevin Clash as Officer #2 (Lavender AM)
    David Rudman as the Green AM Man
    Marty Robinson as the Hot Dog Vendor (Pumpkin)
    Pam Arciero as the Lavender AM Lady
     
  4. cjd874

    cjd874 Well-Known Member

    "Reflections and Thankfulness"
    (A one-shot about the Muppets' Thanksgiving day. To all my fellow MC members, have a happy and safe holiday.)


    “Uncle Kermit, when will dinner be ready?”
Robin tugged at his uncle’s hand, eager to sit down and share some quality time with everyone. Thanksgiving was one of Robin’s favorite holidays because he was able to think about all the things he had in his life and to give thanks for them. One of those things was his uncle Kermit.
    “Um, it’ll be ready soon, Robin,” Kermit the Frog replied. “The Swedish Chef and Mrs. Bear are almost done preparing the food.”

    “Oh boy! I can’t wait!” Robin said gleefully, and he ran off to play with his friend, Rowlf the Dog. Rowlf lifted Robin up and swung him around in his arms.
    “Wheee! You’re flying, Robin!” Rowlf said.
    “Faster, Rowlf!” Robin cried.
    “Okay!” He spun Robin even faster, keeping a firm grip on the young frog’s sides.
    “Hold on, little guy!” Rowlf said. “We’re coming in for a landing!” He lowered Robin and they both fell to the floor, laughing and gasping for air.
    “That was fun!” Robin giggled.
    “I’m glad,” Rowlf said. “Hey, you wanna watch me play the piano? I’ve got some Bark---I mean Bach, that I’m working on.” Robin nodded, and Rowlf gently led him towards the piano on the other side of the room.
    Kermit smiled. He adored Robin. Even though he was Robin’s uncle, there was a deeper relationship between them.
    Robin was like the son Kermit always wanted but never had.
    Kermit walked over to the window. The sky was a broad canvas of orange, blue, and pink hues. He noticed that several flowers in Mrs. Bear’s garden were blooming. Even when the seasons changed, Mrs. Emily Bear, Fozzie’s mother, had a thumb that was greener than Kermit’s.
    The trees were covered with beautiful brown and red leaves, most of which had fallen. Kermit made a mental note to rake the leaves over the weekend. Just as long as Floyd Pepper took Animal for a long walk in the meantime.
    Gee, Kermit thought. It’s Thanksgiving…what am I thankful for?
    Kermit stared at the idyllic view and sighed. He realized that he was thankful for the world that he was born into.
    Hmm, he thought. This really is a beautiful planet…all the trees, the plants, the mountains, valleys, and all the ponds and bogs that a frog’s heart desires.
    He was also thankful for his biological family, whom he hadn’t seen in years. He wondered how his mother, father, and brothers and sisters (all three thousand, two hundred and four of them, to be exact) were doing back in the swamp. Of course, he never had time to see them, but he was thankful for everything they had done to help him get where he was today.
    Kermit thought about all the doors that had opened in his life, from that first encounter with his agent Bernie, to meeting all of his Muppet friends for the first time, to finally becoming a Hollywood celebrity. He was thankful for all the opportunities that had come his way over the years. Despite the massive fame and fortune that he had accumulated over his career, he didn’t bother to bask in the glory (unlike a certain lady in his life). He stayed true to himself.
    And he was most certainly thankful for every one of the Muppets. Yes, even Crazy Harry.
    Kermit felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned and saw her standing there, with a sparkle in her eye. Miss Piggy leaned her head on his shoulder.
    “Hello, Kermie my dearest,” Miss Piggy cooed.
    “Hi, Piggy,” Kermit said. “Enjoying Thanksgiving so far?”
    “Of course, mon cherie,” Miss Piggy replied. “All because of you, of course.”
    Kermit blushed slightly. Sure, he and Miss Piggy were often paired as a couple in the news, the general public, and even amongst their inner circle of Muppets. Even though Kermit didn’t share the same feelings for Piggy that she had for him, and even though she could be very stubborn and moody, he couldn’t deny that deep down, she was a very charming and kind-hearted person.
    “Ah, isn’t this romantic, Kermit?” Miss Piggy asked. “Just the two of us, enjoying this breathtaking view of the sunset, in a comfortable house, with no problems or worries, and nobody to interrupt our---”
    “FOOD! FOOD! WANT FOOD!” a voice bellowed.
    Kermit and Piggy whirled around and saw Animal jumping up and down in a fit. Floyd Pepper was desperately trying to keep him from rushing into the kitchen and causing a potential disaster.
    “Pipe down, Animal!” Floyd commanded, tugging on Animal’s chain with all his might. “Back! Sit! Stay!”
    The wild-eyed, beastly Electric Mayhem drummer obeyed the beatnik bassist, but he pouted and crossed his arms.
    “Want food,” Animal whined.
    “Hey, no sweat, buddy,” Floyd said soothingly. “Just a few more minutes. In the meantime, let’s go upstairs and listen to some rock music!”
    Animal’s eyes lit up. “ROCK AND ROLL! ROCK AND ROLL” he shouted. He raced up the stairs, dragging Floyd behind him. “ZEPPELIN! ZEPPELIN!”
    Kermit chuckled. “Good old Animal,” he remarked. “He never misses a beat.”
    “Aaaaahhhh!” Fozzie Bear laughed loudly. “Now THAT was fun-NEEEEEE!”
    Kermit looked over to where his best friend Fozzie was sitting in an armchair, holding his trusty joke book. Walter, the newest addition to the Muppet family, was leaning on the side of the chair, reading with Fozzie.
    Kermit shrugged. The pun wasn’t intended, but he didn’t tell Fozzie or Walter. “Thanks, Fozzie. I try.”
    “Oh, Kermit, don’t be so modest,” Walter told him. “You’re one of the funniest people I know!” He glanced down at Fozzie. “Other than Fozzie, of course.”
    Fozzie looked at Walter. “Awww, thanks, Walter,” he said. “You’re too kind.”
    “Hey, I wouldn’t be saying it if it weren’t true,” Walter replied.
    Fozzie grinned and went back to reading his book. “Chapter 6: Holiday Jokes…Hey, Walter! If April showers bring May flowers, then what do May flowers bring?”
    Walter thought for a minute. “Beats me.”
    “Pilgrims! Wocka wocka!” Then Fozzie and Walter burst into peals of laughter.
    Kermit looked around and saw Gonzo the Great, Camilla the Chicken, Rizzo the Rat, and Pepé the King Prawn on the couch, watching TV.
    “Hey, Piggy, I’ll be back in a few minutes,” Kermit said. “I just want to see what everyone else is up to.”
    “Oh of course, my love,” Miss Piggy said. “I’ll wait here, and then we can continue our romantic Thanksgiving rendezvous.”

    Kermit got up, stretched his legs, and walked toward his friends on the couch. There was his dear friend Gonzo, the daredevil artist with nerves of steel and a heart of gold. His acts ranged from death-defying to just plain weird. Who else would be crazy enough to ride a Segway off a ramp and over a tank of piranhas one night, and then balance on one leg in a vat of Jell-O while playing the William Tell Overture on a rack of tuned coconut shells?
    Camilla the Chicken was cuddling next to Gonzo. She and Gonzo were inseparable from the moment they met. Gonzo was the only Muppet who could understand what she said (besides the other Muppet chickens), and their love grew from there.
    Rizzo the Rat and Pepé the King Prawn were sitting on the other end of the couch, sharing a bag of popcorn. Kermit knew that they had big appetites, but he thought it was unusual to eat right before a Thanksgiving feast. Judging by the looks on their faces, Pepé and Rizzo were not impressed with what they were watching. Gonzo and Camilla, on the other hand, were glued to the TV screen.
    “Hey, guys,” Kermit greeted them. “What are you watching?”
    “Oh hi, Kermit,” Gonzo said. “We’re watching my new favorite TV show: The Clucking Dead!”
    The Clucking Dead?” Kermit repeated, wrinkling his mouth ever so slightly.
    “Yeah, it’s about these zombie chickens who terrorize a town,” Gonzo explained. “And the townspeople have to work together to survive!”
    “I’ve seen a billion other shows that are better den this, okay,” Pepé grumbled.
    “Yeah, I can see why it’s your favorite show, Gonzo,” Rizzo said. “It’s got CHICKENS in it! Jeez!” He shook his head and stuffed a handful of popcorn into his mouth.
    “They’re not just chickens, Rizzo!” Gonzo fired back. “They’re chickens from the undead! That makes it even COOLER!”
    “Ho boy,” Pepé said. “Here he goes again.”
    “And the acting is great, too,” Gonzo continued. “It’s poetry in motion!”
    “More like poultry in motion,” Rizzo cracked. He and Pepé looked at each other and instantly began to laugh.
    “Ehhhh, jou know what I think of this show, Rizzo?” Pepé said.
    “What?” Rizzo asked.
    “It’s for de birds, hokay.” Rizzo and Pepé laughed so hard that they held their sides and gasped for air.
    Gonzo and Camilla shook their heads.
    “Bawk bawk bawk,” Camilla groaned.
    “Yeah, I know Camilla,” Gonzo replied. “Just let them be. Let’s keep watching.”
    “Well, I hope you enjoy the show,” Kermit said, patting Gonzo and Camilla on their backs and he left the living room.

    Kermit opened the basement door leading to the laboratory where Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and his assistant Beaker were working. As Kermit made his way down the steps, he heard the sounds of test tubes clinking, chemicals bubbling through piping, and flames crackling from underneath the Bunsen burners.
    “Hi there, Bunsen,” Kermit said.
    The jolly doctor lifted his glasses and put down his Erlenmeyer flask.
    “Salutations, Mr. Frog,” Bunsen said, waving at Kermit. “Welcome to Muppet Labs, where the future is being made today. How are you?”
    “I’m fine,” Kermit replied. “And Beaker?”
    “Oh, he’s just peachy,” Bunsen said. “Isn’t that right, Beaker?”
    “Mee mee mee!” Beaker affirmed.
    “Oh?” Kermit said. “Why is that?”
    “That’s because we at Muppet Labs have just invented a revolutionary new formula that will change Thanksgiving forever!” Bunsen declared.
    Kermit was puzzled. “What do you mean?”
    Dr. Bunsen Honeydew brought out a half-filled test tube with a cork covering the opening. He removed the cork and held the tube in front of Kermit’s face.
    “Please inhale, Mr. Frog,” Bunsen instructed.
    Kermit took a whiff, and immediately his senses were hit with the aroma of the perfect Thanksgiving dinner. He could smell the turkey, the stuffing, the sweet potatoes, green beans, and the cranberries, all in that single test tube.
    “I present to you the Muppet Labs Instant Liquid Thanksgiving Dinner!” Bunsen announced. “No longer will you have to shop weeks in advance for a turkey or vegetables. No longer will they have to labor over stuffing or carving a turkey, or baking apple pies, or even opening the canned cranberry sauce. It’s all here, right in this nifty little liquid.”
    “That’s incredible, Bunsen!” Kermit exclaimed.
    “Indeed,” Bunsen said. “And the honor of testing this formula goes to Beaker.”
    Beaker instantly shook his head in protest. “Mee mee moop moop MOOP!”
    “Oh, Beaker,” Dr. Honeydew said, handing the test tube to Beaker. “Go on. Taste it. It’s a Thanksgiving dinner in liquid form. It won’t hurt you.”
    After a moment’s hesitation, Beaker took a sip of the liquid. He smacked his lips and his eyes lit up.
    “Mmmm-MMM!” Beaker said.
    “See?” Dr. Honeydew said. “It’s not so bad after all.”
    Suddenly, there was a huge explosion, and the room filled with smoke.
    “Beaker? Bunsen?” Kermit said. “Where are you?”
    “Oh, dear me,” Bunsen lamented. “That was not supposed to happen!”
    They coughed and fanned away the smoke. When they could see again, they gasped at what they saw.
    Beaker had transformed into a turkey.
    “Beaker?” Kermit asked.
    The lab assistant gobbled in reply.
    Then it hit him. Beaker looked at his body, which was covered in feathers. He ran to the mirror and squawked at his reflection. Panicked, Beaker began flapping his wings and waddling around the room.
    “Well, back to the old drawing board,” Bunsen said sheepishly.
    “See you later, Bunsen,” Kermit said. “Hope this works out for you.”

    Once he was back upstairs, Kermit bumped into Sam the Eagle, the self-proclaimed moral and cultural enforcer of the Muppets.
    “Hello, Sam. How’re things going?” Kermit said.
    “Kermit,” Sam said. “It is good to see someone as SENSIBLE and as DECENT as you at this CHAOTIC and WEIRD Thanksgiving gathering.”
    “Why do you say that?” Kermit inquired.
    “Kermit,” Sam began sternly. “I consider Thanksgiving to be a time for Americans to PAUSE and be THANKFUL that they are living in such a WONDERFUL country as America. It is a very patriotic holiday, if you think about it. Isn’t that true?”
    Kermit nodded. “I see what you mean.”
    Sam gestured toward the common room, where the Muppets were gathered. Miss Piggy, Rowlf, and Robin were playing card games. Gonzo, Camilla, Pepé, and Rizzo were still watching TV at a loud volume. Fozzie and Walter were in hysterics over Fozzie’s joke book. Scooter, Kermit’s longtime assistant, was playing his handheld video game. Dr. Teeth, the leader of the Electric Mayhem Band, was sitting by the door, playing a harmonica and leading a small jam session with his bandmates: Janice, the blonde-haired valley girl, was strumming an acoustic guitar, while Zoot, the perpetually sleepy musician, was playing his tenor saxophone. Floyd was watching over Animal, who was munching on a box of crackers…not just the crackers, but the box as well. Lew Zealand was flinging boomerang fish in all directions. Link Hogthrob, the resident “macho” expert (or so he believed), was admiring himself in the mirror. Various chickens, penguins, pigs, dogs, and frogs were mingling together.
    “Can you believe this?” Sam asked. “Look at this! These WEIRDOS are simply pursuing their own ridiculously UN-AMERICAN interests! Do you see ANYONE here who is taking time to be THANKFUL for their privileges in the land of the free? Is THIS what you call REFLECTION??”
    “Yes,” Link Hogthrob chimed in. “I’m looking at it right now!”
    Sam the Eagle put his head in his hands. “Ugh,” he sneered. “I cannot tolerate the level of WEIRDNESS in here.” He shook his head and stormed out of the room, but not without getting grazed in the back of the head by a flying boomerang fish.
    “Oops! Sorry, Mr. the Eagle!” Lew Zealand called out. The fish sailed around the room, finally landing in Lew’s hand.
    “Looks like we gotta keep practicing, Sidney,” Lew said, shuffling away.
    “A-HEM,” Miss Piggy uttered, nudging the frog in the side.
    He turned to her, and she smiled sweetly. “Shall we resume our Thanksgiving rendezvous, my little green angel?”
    “Uh, sure,” Kermit agreed.
    Miss Piggy wrapped her arm around Kermit and they walked back to the window. She couldn’t imagine spending a day without him. Kermit was the one person in her life that she was thankful for. She had abandoned her troubled family life a long time ago and had never looked back. Ever since meeting Kermit and becoming a world-famous superstar, she had no need or desire to look back. Miss Piggy was perfectly content with her current life, even if it meant putting up with some flat-out weirdos (especially Gonzo). But as long as she had Kermit in her life, she was happy. Time seemed to stop as she looked lovingly at her frog.
    Her thoughts were cut short as a loud explosion burst from the kitchen. Everyone gasped or squawked in alarm as the windowpanes rattled. Kermit dashed to the kitchen, fearful of what he would see.
    “Is everything all right in there?” he asked urgently.
    “Mom!” Fozzie cried out suddenly. He leapt from his chair, dropped his book, and ran to the kitchen door. “Are you okay, Mom?” he shouted as he flung the door open.
    Smoke billowed out of the kitchen. The Swedish Chef stood there, holding a perfectly cooked turkey. But he was covered in grease stains, burn marks, and bits of gravy, stuffing, and cranberry sauce.
    “Der-töorkëe is øokee-dōokee!” the Chef chortled.
    Then Mrs. Bear staggered out in a daze. Her clothing was charred, and her hair was mussed, but she was still smiling bravely.
    “Did someone call for me?” she asked, letting out several coughs.
    “Mom!” Fozzie exclaimed, rushing over to help her out of the kitchen. “Thank goodness you’re okay!”
    “I’m fine, Fozzie dear,” Mrs. Bear said. “And so is the Thanksgiving meal!”
    The Muppets let out a huge cheer.
    “Let’s get you cleaned up, Mom,” Fozzie said. “You too, Chef.” The three of them headed to the washroom while Scooter opened the windows and Kermit used the fire extinguisher to get rid of the smoke. A few minutes later, they returned.
    “Okay, everyone!” Kermit said. “Let’s get this started!” Everyone cheered.
    As the Muppets set the table and brought out the dishes, they sang the special song that they sung every Thanksgiving:
    It’s time to be with people
    That you love with all your might.
    It’s time for a great Thanksgiving
    At the Muppets’ house tonight!
    It’s time to eat some turkey,
    We hope it’s cooked just right.
    It’s time for a great Thanksgiving

    At the Muppets’ house tonight!
    Why don’t we get things started?
    It’s time to get things started…
    With the most sensational, inspirational, celebration-al, Muppet-tational…
    It’s the Muppets’ big Thanksgiving FEAST!

    Once everyone had been seated, Kermit clanked a glass with a spoon to get everyone’s attention.
    “Uh, excuse me, everyone,” he said. But nobody was paying attention to him. They were busy chatting and talking about the food.
    “Uh, everybody?” Kermit repeated a little louder. Still, no one heard him.
    Miss Piggy stood up. “QUIET!” she screamed.
    Immediately, everyone stopped talking and looked at her.
    Everyone, that is, except for Janice.
    “So I said, ‘Look man, I don’t let ANYONE touch me there, so like, if you think you’re going to…”
    Janice stopped talking and realized that dozens of eyes were staring at her. Embarrassed, she swallowed and looked up at Miss Piggy and Kermit.
    “Thank you,” Kermit said. He took a breath. “So it’s that time of year again…a time for reflection, a time for caring and loving, and a time for being thankful for what you have and who you love most.”
    “LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!” Animal burst out.
    “Calm down, Animal!” Floyd said, yanking Animal’s chain.
    “Love,” Animal panted softly.
    “Fer sure,” Janice chimed in, hugging Floyd.
    “Uh, anyway, it’s Thanksgiving,” Kermit continued. “It’s a time to reflect on the things that mean the most to you. So let’s hear what you’re all thankful for.”
    Sam the Eagle raised his hand. “I am thankful for this MAGNIFICENT country known as America! Without it, we would not have freedom, democracy, the Constitution, or baseball. Suffice it to say, I am PROUD to be an American!”
    “Very good, Sam,” Kermit said.
    Floyd Pepper spoke up next. “Yeah, me and the band are most utterly and certainly grateful for the ability to make music as we please! Ain’t that right?” The rest of the band nodded in agreement, except for Zoot who was already asleep. Dr. Teeth poked him awake.
    “Hey Zoot, the bird hasn’t even been carved yet,” Dr. Teeth told him as the rest of the band snickered. “You can get some shut-eye AFTER you get some grub.”
    “Hey Kermit, I’m really thankful for my job,” Scooter added. “And my uncle who owns the theater.”
    Kermit scrunched his mouth. “Oh yes, your uncle,” he said. “How could I forget?”
    “I’m thankful that I’m always well-fed,” Rizzo piped up.
    “I’m thankful for my sweet Camilla,” Gonzo said tenderly. Camilla clucked happily and they cuddled.
    “I’m thankful for my mother,” Fozzie added, giving Mrs. Bear a hug.
    “Moi is thankful for fashion, chocolate, and Kermie,” Miss Piggy said.
    “Hey Kermit, you know what I’m thankful for?” Walter said. “I’m thankful that I get to spend time with all of you guys…my best friends in the whole world.”
    “Aw, thanks, Walter,” Kermit said. “That’s really nice of you.”
    He paused and looked at all of his friends. No, they weren’t just his friends. They were his second family. And even though they were a wild and crazy family, they were a family nonetheless. Kermit was proud to know each and every one of them, and he wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.
    “You know, Walter has a point,” Kermit said. “There’s no better way to spend this holiday than with the ones you love the most. We’re not the same, by any means, but our differences are what make us great, and unique. When you put those differences together, the whole is really greater than the sum of its parts. That’s how we’ve been able to stay together for so long, and let’s keep it that way. Let’s keep making people happy. Let’s keep following our dream. Let’s find more people to share our dream with…it only gets better from here.”
    Kermit raised his glass and held it in the air. “To our family, our friends, and the Rainbow Connection!”
    Walter leapt to his feet. “To the lovers, the dreamers, and US!” he added enthusiastically.
    “Happy Thanksgiving, everybody,” Kermit said. “Cheers!”
    One by one, everyone rose, clinking their glasses with those next to them.
    “Cheers, Camilla sweetie.”
    “Cheers, Beaker.”
    “Meep meep meep!”
    “Cheers, Kermie.”
    “Börk börk börk!”
    Kermit leaned down and saw Robin, holding a cup of juice. He smiled and clinked his glass against Robin’s cup.
    “Happy Thanksgiving, Robin,” Kermit said.
    “Happy Thanksgiving, Uncle Kermit,” Robin replied.
    After a minute, everybody sat down in their seats, ready to eat.
    “Okay, everyone!” Kermit said. “Dig in! It’s going to be a blast.”
    Crazy Harry stood up. “Did you say BLAST?!” he cackled, and he set off an explosion that startled the Muppets.
    “Sheesh!” Kermit said in exasperation. “Harry, no dessert for you unless you stop that!” Crazy Harry giggled and sat back down.
    Kermit and Mrs. Bear started passing the food around the table. Everyone ate, drank, laughed, and shared great stories, and they all had a fantastic time that night.

    Outside the Muppets’ house, an antique Cadillac slowed to a stop. The driver was a grumpy old man, and his elderly friend was sitting in the front passenger’s seat.
    Statler drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. “Hey Waldorf, isn’t that the Muppets’ boarding house?” he asked, turning his head toward the dilapidated structure.
    Waldorf looked at him. “Yeah, it is.”
    Statler smiled. “Well, that’s another thing I’m thankful for tonight.”
    Waldorf was puzzled. “What do you mean, Statler?”
    “I’m thankful that I don’t have to be in there with them right now!” Statler said.
    The old men’s laughter echoed throughout the car as they drove away into the late November sunset.



    HAPPY THANKSGIVING 2013​
    THE END​
     
  5. cjd874

    cjd874 Well-Known Member

    Some haikus about lesser-known Sesame Muppets!

    "Barkley"

    But seriously…
    Did Bob really want to name
    That dog Woof-Woof?

    "Sherlock Hemlock"

    Egad! This guy just
    Makes mysteries harder. Thank
    Goodness for Watson.

    "Lefty the Salesman"

    Pssstt…hey, bud. SHHHHH!!! Riiiiiggghhtt.Come here. Wanna buy an O?
    Costs just a nickel.

    "Guy Smiley"

    Making game shows thrive,
    While killing Jim Henson's throat.
    The prize? A cookie.

    "Frazzle"

    BLAAARRRGGHHHH!!! Frazzle's grumpy.
    BLAAARRRGGHHHH!!! Now he says it's snack time.
    BLAAARRRGGHHHH!!! Now he feels good.

    "Gladys the Cow"

    Well, one thing's for sure:
    She sure knows how to milk her
    Performances! (groan)
     
  6. fozzieisfunny

    fozzieisfunny Well-Known Member

    May I do haikus on Muppet Show characters?
     
    MikaelaMuppet likes this.
  7. cjd874

    cjd874 Well-Known Member

    Sure! You can create your own thread and post them. I'll tell you how to do it.
     
  8. cjd874

    cjd874 Well-Known Member

    Sesame Human Haikus (1970s cast)!

    "Gordon"

    Fun to be around,
    But knows when to be firm. Plus,
    He plays a mean flute!

    "Maria"

    Superintendent,
    Wife, mother, and the butt of
    All of Oscar's jokes.

    "Susan"

    Housewife, mechanic,
    And nurse. Not quite as many
    Jobs as Grover, though.

    "Bob"

    Ev'rybody's friend.
    He inspires Telly to
    Form the Bobkateers.

    "Mr. Hooper"

    Hi, Mr. Dooper!
    It's Hooper, Big Bird! HOOPER!
    (A Hooper blooper.)

    "Luis"

    I had one about
    The Mail-It Shop, but you'd have
    Gone postal on me.

    "Olivia"

    Not only was she
    A photographer, but she
    Had some golden pipes!

    "Linda"

    An inspiration
    To all deaf people. No wait,
    Hear me out on this!

    "David"

    Hip guy with lots of
    Nifty hats, costumes, and gags...
    And wicked sideburns.

    "Willy"

    When he's not at the
    North Pole, Santa sells hot dogs
    On Sesame Street!
     
  9. cjd874

    cjd874 Well-Known Member

    Well, it's been a while since I've posted. Since I am no longer writing SS old school outlines, I will keep this thread active. Let's get started with an all-new fan fiction inspired by the blizzard that is supposed to hit the Northeast. (This one-shot is also based on the famous 2001 episode where a hurricane hits Sesame Street, although this outline takes place years before that.)


    "Snow-where to Go"

    (part 1)


    “So, Susan, how are your parents doing?” Mr. Hooper asked as he refilled Susan’s coffee cup. He stood behind the counter, serving coffee to Susan and David, and tea to Gordon and Maria.

    “Oh, they’re doing well,” Susan replied. “Still on that same farm in Michigan. You know, it’s amazing how it’s still in such good shape after all this time!”

    “That’s right!” David chimed in. “They still grow their own food, right?”
    “Yes!” Susan confirmed. “Next time they plan on visiting Sesame Street, I’ll have my mother bring some of her homemade apple pies for everyone!”

    “Is it better than Mr. Hooper’s apple pie?” Maria asked, stirring her tea.

    Susan paused and thought. “You know, I think it is!”

    “Hey Mr. Hooper, you’ve got competition now!” David joked.

    “Well hold on, David,” Mr. Hooper stopped and pointed his finger at his assistant. “We’ll judge who’s got the better pie when Susan’s family visits.”

    “Say, all this talk of apple pie is making me hungry,” Gordon remarked, rubbing his stomach. He pointed at an apple pie under a glass cover behind Mr. Hooper. “Can I get some of that apple pie over there, Mr. Hooper?” The rest of the adults laughed.

    “Okay Gordon,” Mr. Hooper said. “How about apple pie on the house! For everyone!”

    The adults cheered as Mr. Hooper cut the pie and handed out slices to everyone. Just then, the front door opened and Big Bird entered. A cold wind blew into the store, making the adults shiver.

    “Hi everybody!” Big Bird chirped. “How’s everybody doing?”

    “Big Bird! Close the door!” David told him. “All the cold air is getting in!”

    “Oh, right! Sorry!” Big Bird said. He quickly shut the door behind him. “Boy, it sure is chilly outside! It’s a good thing I’m wearing my scarf and mittens! Otherwise, I’d really be cold turkey.”

    “What can I do for you today, Big Bird?” Mr. Hooper asked his large feathered friend.

    “Well, I’d like a nice cup of birdseed hot chocolate, Mr. Dooper,” Big Bird said.

    “Hooper! That’s HOOPER!” Mr. Hooper reminded Big Bird as he went to the back of the store.

    “Right! Hooper,” Big Bird repeated. “Oh, and can I watch your TV while you make my hot chocolate?”

    “Sure!” Mr. Hooper said. “David, turn on the TV for him!”

    David went behind the counter and moved a knob. The TV screen flickered and a long shot of a birdhouse came into view.

    “Oh goody!” Big Bird said. “It’s time for my favorite show, The Birdy Bunch!”

    The adults chuckled. “The Birdy Bunch?” David repeated.

    “Yeah!” Big Bird said excitedly. “It’s about the adventures of a family with six little birds and a housekeeper bird.”

    “What are their names?” Susan asked.

    Big Bird rattled off their names. “The husband is Sonny and the wife is Cheryl…Cher for short!” The adults smiled. “Their kids are Dylan, Joan, Jefferson, Peter, Paul, and Mary.” Big Bird paused. “And their housekeeper’s name is Janis.”

    Mr. Hooper returned with a steaming cup of birdseed hot chocolate. “Here you go, Big Bird,” he said cheerfully. “Enjoy the show!”

    Suddenly, the screen went blank. A title card with “NEWS FLASH” sprang up and a deep voice announced, “We interrupt this program for a breaking news bulletin. We go now to our roving reporter, Kermit the Frog.”

    “Wait!” Big Bird cried. “What about my show?”

    “It’ll have to wait for now, Big Bird,” Gordon told him. “The news bulletin is more important.” Big Bird sighed, took a sip of hot chocolate, and watched the report.

    The screen cut to Kermit the Frog, who was standing in a fierce wind. Leaves and papers were blowing all around him.

    “Hi ho, Kermit the Frog here of Sesame Street News!” Kermit shouted, clutching his hat and his microphone. He could barely be heard over the roaring wind. “This just in: a strong snowstorm is heading toward Sesame Street. We are expecting heavy snow, lots of wind, and ice on the roads. Everybody is warned to stay INSIDE! Do not be outside during the storm!”

    A garbage can flew past Kermit, nearly missing him. The unflappable frog continued. “Stock up on food and water, and make sure your homes are heated properly. Stay warm with blankets, hot liquids, and lots of clothing!” Kermit struggled to stay upright. “Uh, this storm will make its way here in a matter of DAYS! So please get ready! This is Kermit the Frog returning you to your regularly schedule progrrraaaaaammmm…” Within seconds, Kermit was blown off-screen and a loud crash was heard. The screen faded back into the birdhouse.

    “Big Bird, your show’s back on,” Maria said.

    But Big Bird wasn’t listening. He stared blankly into the distance.

    “Big Bird!” Mr. Hooper called out. He tapped Big Bird’s wing, and Big Bird turned around, startled. “Are you all right?”

    “Well, I was just thinking…” Big Bird began.

    “About what?” Mr. Hooper pressed.

    “Well…the reporter just said that there’s going to be a snowstorm,” Big Bird continued. “And he said it’s not safe to be outdoors at that time.”

    “So?” David said.

    “Well, my nest is outdoors,” Big Bird explained. “And so are my books, and my Roman bust, and my teddy bear Radar…everything I own is outdoors! What’s going to happen to it all when the snow storm comes?”

    The adults looked at one another. For a six-year old, he brought up a very good point. He had a nest, but no roof above his head. If the snowstorm was strong enough, it could cause serious damage to his home and everything he had.

    Gordon stood up and walked over to the worried Bird.

    “Big Bird, it’s going to be okay,” Gordon tried to comfort him. “We’ll do everything we can to help you.”

    “If you’d like, we’ll let you stay with us, Big Bird,” Susan offered.

    “Gee, thanks,” Big Bird said. He paused briefly. “Can you help me bring my nest in?”

    Gordon sighed. “Unfortunately, we can’t,” he said sadly. “Our apartment is too small to fit your nest. But we can bring in smaller things…like Radar, and your books, and your toys.”

    “Okay...that works,” Big Bird replied. He looked at the floor, uncertain about the future of his nest. It was more than just his nest…it was his home. “But…but what’s going to happen to my nest? I don’t want to lose it! It’s my HOME! The thought of it makes me sad.” He sniffled and a tear rolled down his beak.

    Susan wiped the tear away and looked him in the eye. “Big Bird, it’s okay to feel this way. But we love you and we will make sure that you’re safe. Once you finish your hot chocolate, we’ll help you bring in your toys, your books, and Radar. Okay?”

    “Sure,” Big Bird said. Gordon, Maria, Mr. Hooper, and David gathered around Big Bird as well. Mr. Hooper handed the cup of hot chocolate to Big Bird. “Have a sip, Big Bird. It’ll make you feel better.”

    Big Bird glumly took the cup and took one last sip. “Thanks, Mr. Looper.”

    Mr. Hooper opened his mouth to correct Big Bird, but he held back. Now was not the right time. He just patted the Bird’s back tenderly.

    “Let’s go and help you move your things inside, Big Bird,” Maria said. She led Big Bird back to his nest. Gordon and Susan followed behind them.

    David and Mr. Hooper looked at each other and sighed.

    “Poor guy,” David said as he picked up the empty cups and dishes. “He’s got it tough.”

    Mr. Hooper could only nod his head in agreement. He felt the need to help his friend…but he wasn’t sure how.

    To be continued...
     
  10. cjd874

    cjd874 Well-Known Member

    Holy moly. It's been two years since I posted on this thread. I've got an outline that I wrote last year, but never got around to posting until today. It's a Sesame Street game show spinoff, loosely based off of "Let's Make a Deal." There's also a short reference to LMAD that I slipped in towards the end...let's see if anyone catches it. Presenting my somewhat new one-shot sketch.


    “Yes, No, Surprise!”

    (circa 1974-1975)


    Announcer: And now it’s time for America’s favorite daytime game show: “Yes, No, Surprise!” [Siren whistle and timpani “boing” effect] And here’s America’s favorite daytime game show host, Guy Smiley! [Audience applauds as Guy Smiley enters]

    Guy Smiley: Thank you, thank you! Hello everybody, and welcome to “Yes, No, Surprise!” [More applause] Thank you! You’re too kind! Please sit down, will ya? Now, we’ve got a great show for you today, folks. And to get things started, let’s meet our panel of contestants. Please say hello to Bert, Count von Count, and Oscar the Grouch from Sesame Street!

    [Camera cuts to the panel where the Muppets are seated, and audience applauds]

    Guy: Hello, everyone! How are you doing today?

    Count von Count: Wonderful, Guy!

    Bert: I’m okay, I guess.

    Oscar: Phooey! Get me off this crummy show already!

    Guy: Wonderful, I can tell that everyone is raring to go! Now here’s how the game works. There is a door with a special surprise behind it. Each contestant must choose whether they want to take the prize behind the door, leave it, or give it to the next contestant. If you choose YES, the door will open and you will receive whatever is behind the door. If you choose NO, the next person gets to choose. If you choose SURPRISE, then you choose which of the other contestants gets the surprise behind the door! Then we continue with different prizes for each contestant. Isn’t that wonderful? Now let’s go over to our panel of contestants. [Guy walks over to the panel] Oscar, you’ll go first.

    Oscar: Huh? Is this some sort of joke?

    Guy: Let’s see the first door! [Door is revealed] Now, you have three choices. If you want what’s behind the door, choose YES. If not, choose NO and then Bert will make his choice. If you choose SURPRISE, you can give the offer away to either the Count or Bert. So what will it be, Oscar? [Audience starts yelling out the choices]

    Oscar: Pipe down, will ya? Hmmm…[starts thinking] I’m gonna go with NO, just because that’s my favorite word to say.

    Guy: Okay then! Bert, it’s your turn. Do you want what’s behind this door? Will you choose YES, NO, or SURPRISE? [Audience shouts out the choices again]

    Bert: Gee willikers…what should I choose? [starts thinking] Uh…YES! I want what’s behind the door, Guy!

    Guy: Wonderful, Bert! You have said YES! Now let’s see what you have won. [Drum roll as the door opens and reveals a torn leather boot. The audience groans] Oh, I’m sorry Bert! That is a torn boot. Better luck next time.

    Bert: [shakes his head] Why me?

    Oscar: HEY! Cheer up, Banana Head! You should be happy about getting a beautiful piece of trash like that. [Bert glares at Oscar]

    Guy: Now let’s go over to the Count. How are you feeling about this?

    Count: Well Guy, I am going to try my very best to make it COUNT! Ah, ah, ah! A little counting joke, if you will.

    Guy: Isn’t he wonderful, folks? A great sense of humor indeed! Now let’s look at the door again. There is a new prize hidden behind it, and you have three choices. Will you choose YES, NO, or SURPRISE? [Audience yells out the choices again]

    Count: There are thirty-five people shouting yes! Eighteen people yelling no! And twenty-six people who are saying surprise!

    Guy: Count, make your choice please!

    Count: All right, Guy. I will choose YES!

    Guy: You have chosen YES! Now let’s see what’s behind the door. [Door opens and reveals a small book called “The History of Paper Clips.”] You have won a book about the history of paper clips! Congratulations, Count!

    Count: Oh, my. That is one…one very boring book. Not very fun to read OR count.

    Bert: [perks up] Holy Toledo! I LOVE that book. I need it to complete my collection.

    Guy: Now back to Bert…there’s a new prize hidden behind the door. Are you going to choose YES, NO, or SURPRISE?

    Bert: Do I have to, Guy? I really want that book.

    Guy: Yes you have to, Bert! Please choose. [Audience yells out the choices again]

    Bert: Okay…I’ll choose SURPRISE!

    Guy: Wonderful! Now who will you choose to accept the prize?

    Bert: I think I’ll let Oscar have this prize. [Audience cheers]

    Guy: Fantastic! You have passed your choice to Oscar the Grouch, who MUST accept whatever lies behind the door.

    Oscar: Okay, but it better be a year’s supply of rotten fish or something like that.

    Guy: Can we please see the prize? [Door opens, revealing a dozen bouquets of roses] Congratulations, Oscar! You have won a dozen bouquets of roses and a trip to Transylvania, the Counting Capital of the World!

    Oscar: WHAT?! NO! I don’t want that. I HATE ROSES! And I hate travelling. Why can’t I have what Uni-brow Boy won?

    Bert: Hey! I didn’t want your rotten old boot to begin with, Oscar.

    Oscar: ROTTEN? It’s beautiful! I got the WORST prize of all.

    Count: Wait a minute! I LOVE counting roses! And I want a trip to Transylvania because I haven’t seen my family in twenty-one years. No, twenty-two years. No, twenty-three years---

    [The contestants start arguing with each other until Guy Smiley cuts them off]

    Guy: HOLD IT! Stop it…listen up. I have an idea…if none of you are happy with your prizes, you should all trade them. [The contestants look at each other and say together, “TRADE THEM?”] Yes, that way you will all be happy with what you’ve won here. Go on up to the platform and trade your prizes. [Oscar, Bert, and the Count go to the platform where their new prizes await them]

    Bert [cradling the book]: At long last! I no longer have to go the library to check this book out anymore!

    Oscar [sniffing the old boot]: Ah, I’m in Grouch heaven! Normally Grouches don’t feel happy, but this is an exception to the rule.

    Count [holding the bouquet of roses and counting them]: Six roses! Seven roses! Eight roses! Nine roses! Ah, ah, ah! [Thunder & lightning appear in the studio]

    Bert: Hey, it’s starting to rain. Is there an umbrella behind the door? Can I win an umbrella? Or some galoshes?

    Oscar: Why would you want any of that? Rain is beautiful! I gotta teach you some things about life, Bottle Cap Face.

    [The Count is still going ballistic with his bouquets of roses in the background]

    Count: Fifteen roses! Sixteen roses! Oh, this is magnificent! [The Count starts tossing roses around as he counts them] I could do this ALL DAY! Seventeen roses! Eighteen roses! Ah, ah, ah! [More thunder and lightning]

    Oscar: Hey, knock it off! Stop throwing those flowers around! I’m gonna get sick if you keep doing that.

    Guy: Well, that’s all the time we have for today! We’ve got some very happy contestants here, and that’s all we can ask for. This is Guy Smiley saying goodbye from “YES, NO, SURPRISE!” [Audience cheers as closing game show music plays] Can someone clean these roses up? Hey Monty, can you get someone out here to sweep these up?


    THE END


    THE MUPPET PERFORMERS:

    Jim Henson as Guy Smiley

    Jerry Nelson as the Count and the Announcer

    Frank Oz as Bert

    Caroll Spinney as Oscar the Grouch
     
  11. MikaelaMuppet

    MikaelaMuppet Well-Known Member

    LOVE The Brady Bunch reference in one of them!
     
  12. cjd874

    cjd874 Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure if "Sno-where to Go" will be resumed any time soon, but I'm glad you like it so far. I've put up a new chapter in "Jessie's Girl," my other SS-themed project alongside my Old School outlines. Feel free to read that one too! Your feedback is much appreciated.
     
    MikaelaMuppet likes this.
  13. MikaelaMuppet

    MikaelaMuppet Well-Known Member

    Thank you. And I will do that.
     
  14. MikaelaMuppet

    MikaelaMuppet Well-Known Member

    Does it have to be Muppet related? Or no? Because I may do something like this myself.
     
  15. cjd874

    cjd874 Well-Known Member

    PM me if you'd like to talk about your writing ideas. Thanks!
     
    MikaelaMuppet likes this.
  16. MikaelaMuppet

    MikaelaMuppet Well-Known Member

    You're welcome.
     
  17. MikaelaMuppet

    MikaelaMuppet Well-Known Member

    Just sent you a private message.
     
  18. MikaelaMuppet

    MikaelaMuppet Well-Known Member

    You do artwork? What kind?
     
  19. cjd874

    cjd874 Well-Known Member

    I don't feel like looking through old threads to find my artwork, so I'll just PM you instead.
     
    MikaelaMuppet likes this.
  20. MikaelaMuppet

    MikaelaMuppet Well-Known Member

    That's cool with me. I don't mind at all actually.
     

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