Scenes from Behind the Scenes

Leyla

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It seems to be the custom here to open a new thread for each individual story, so I'll just leap right in. In addition to my other story, I'd like to tackle a series of one shots based on what might have happened while the Muppets were filming their movies. It seems to be established that the movies are the Muppets acting, even if they are acting as themselves, so I thought it would be fun to see what happens when the directors say cut. At his point, I don't think there will any connectivity between these stories, but we'll see where they take me. I intended to start this after finishing my other story, but I couldn't resist anymore.

You should be able to figure out when this particular scene takes place, but if it's unclear, let me know. Thanks!

The Annulment (Part one of two)

The Annulment

“And that’s a wrap for today! Great take, just great. Okay, call is for 7AM tomorrow, except for you, Miss Piggy. Wardrobe wants to do some alterations to the waitress uniform, so please be here by six.”

“Ah, the many burdens of being an international superstar.” Piggy chirped merrily as she brushed a bit of white lace from her radiant face.

Kermit had never contemplated murder before, but it had an attraction in this moment that he’d never thought possible.

The source of his vexation was positively glowing. “Six in the morning. Well, that doesn’t leave much time for a honeymoon, does it?”

The frog squeezed his eyes shut and focused on breathing lest temptation get the better of him. He was too near to apocalyptic meltdown to articulate his thoughts in a civil manner at that moment.

“Great job today, Kermit, really convincing performance!” Jim Henson gave the frog a hearty slap on the back and moved on just as Fozzie and Gonzo approached.

Was it a performance, Kermit?” Fozzie asked, uncertainty written all over his honest face.

A playful smile crept over Gonzo’s lips. “Or should we be congratulating you for something else?”

Kermit slowly turned his head towards his closest friends and leveled a glare at them that made them both step back involuntarily.

“Uh oh.”

“Yeah, uh, maybe we should just get out of your hair for now… er, not that you have hair, but if you did, uh… see ya, Kermit, see ya, Piggy!”

Before Gonzo had taken a single step, a wiry green arm darted out and snagged hold of him.

Breathe in, breath out, breathe in… that’s good. Now talk like a gentlefrog…

“Tell me one thing, Gonzo.”

“Anything, buddy… uh, Kermit, sir.” Fozzie buried his head in his hat.

“Was I…” His voice cracked and he swallowed and tried again. “Was I wrong in thinking you were going to play the minister?”

“Well, I was going to, but then Piggy said that- Oooohhh.” Kermit almost, almost smiled at the comical dismay in the tux’ed Whatever’s eyes as his brain caught up with his mouth. Gonzo turned a shocked look at Piggy, who was absolutely, relentlessly ecstatic, and not intimidated in the least at being found out.

“Thank you, that’s all I wanted to know.” Kermit was impressed with how calmly that came out. Granted a reprieve, Fozzie and Gonzo departed, breaking several laws of physics in the process. A butterfly flapped its wings and in China golf-ball sized hail began pelting the ground.

Kermit closed his eyes and breathed again. It felt like the right thing to do. He tilted his head up to look at Miss Piggy, who had, technically, just become Mrs. The Frog.

Darn it! How could she just stand there smiling at him like that! Outrageous!

“I love you, Kermie.” She crooned, bubbling over with saccharine, but genuine sentiment.

The words that jumped immediately to his lips were interrupted by a sudden conglomeration of happy well-wishers, some cheering their great acting, others wondering about where the reception would be held.

“Aw, I just knew you two were meant for each other. What a great way to do it, too. So, how long have you crazy lovebirds been planning this?”

Kermit made a strangled sound and Piggy gracefully intervened. “Oh, it was a spur of the moment decision. A real surprise all around.”

“Oh, well, that’s great, just great. Congrats!”

A few more handshakes and they were left alone again.

“Piggy, how could you-?” Before he had a chance to get properly hysterical, they were interrupted yet again.

“Oh, hello. I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed being a part of such a sacred moment.”

Kermit stared up at the kindly Vicar in mixed horror and disbelief.

“Well, Kermie and I were just so happy you could come. You sang very well. It was a lovely service, wasn’t it Kermie?”

“Words fail me.” He took an unsteady breath. “So, um, you’ve been, er ordained, and everything? Papers all in order, legal in this city, that sort of thing?”

“Heheh, yes, well, of course. You have nothing to worry about on that score.” He made a quick gesture, blessing them. “I wish all happiness for the both of you as you start your new lives together. Remember, as long as you rely on each other, troubles will never overcome you.”

Piggy looked so enraptured that Kermit snuck a quick glance to see if her feet were actually touching the ground. “We’ll remember, thank you so much.”

Another pastoral smile and the man was gone.

Kermit had had enough of interruptions. With a strength that surprised both of them, he dragged Piggy off the set and into his trailer, trying desperately not to hear the catcalls that followed them, trying in vain not to see Piggy’s impish acknowledgements of the attention.

Thou shalt not kill. Thou shalt not kill.

He pushed her down on the couch, not actually generating enough force to do it, but Piggy was apparently contented enough to comply. She folded her hands daintily on her lap, and looked into his eyes with naked adoration, the very picture of a happy bride.

My bride… My wife! Oh, geez….

“I… you! What…? So… Who-? I! You!” He threw up his arms in exasperation and started pacing frantically. Piggy would have raised her eyebrows if she’d only had them. Instead, she gazed at him innocently, giving no hint of what was going on behind those striking eyes.

“What do you have to say for yourself?!” There. Finally, he’d managed a lucid sentence.

She smiled brightly at him, looking as though she felt that was unwise, but unable to control herself. “It’s been a very, very good day… for moi’s self.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------
 

Muppet Newsgirl

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(throws fatigue jacket, army helmet and combat boots on over street clothes, grabs a shovel, runs out into backyard and starts digging bomb shelter)
 

TogetherAgain

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<Giggles>

<A lot>

Leyla, this is hysterical! I would go into my usual detailed rant and rave about how wonderful this is, but at the moment I'm on a bit of a high from a play and I have to use that high to do homework and ignore the incredibly tempting bed that's right next to me. So, I'll come back and rant and rave tomorrow, and in the mean time, because I just have to say SOMETHING- I love the "Thou shalt not kill. Thou shalt not kill." It's just... oh/y! (That was a combination of "oh" and "oy," by the way...)

<Is excited for part two>

MORE PLEASE!
 

Leyla

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And part the second!
--------------------------------------------------------------------

“No! No, Piggy! This is not a good day, for me or you!” The newly knighted hubby started blathering, more to himself than to her. “Oh, gosh, when this gets out! Can you imagine the interviews? Getting hounded for photos? For romantic details!”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“Wha- what’s wrong with that? It’s all a big fake! We’re not really married!”

Piggy laughed lightly, completely composed. She started singing. “‘Do you take this pig to be your lawful wedded wife until you die?’ ‘Well I, well… I-’”

“I know what I said! It was scripted!”

“The kiss wasn’t.”

“What?!”

“You kissed me, on the cheek. It was wonderful.” Again, she turned her limpid eyes on him, making him forget what he was trying to say and irritating the life out of him.

“Sheesh, stop that. What am I angry about?”

“Oh, nothing really. It’s just our first marital spat. It’s going very well.”

“Oh, yeah.” Married. AAAAIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!! “Piggy! How could you do this to me?”

For the first time, her veneer of joy began to crack. “Do what to you, Kermit? Help you leap past all the doubt and worry, so we could just be happy? You didn’t even have to buy a ring! Or announce anything! Or plan anything!”

“Help… help me?” He was flabbergasted. She couldn’t possibly believe he’d just go along with this. “Piggy!”

“Stop yelling at me!” It was Piggy’s turn to try and gather herself. “I don’t know why you’re so upset. Moi simply took all the responsibility out of the decision for vous.”

“The responsibility? Piggy you took the decision away from me! You tricked me into marrying you!”

Piggy stood, towering over him simply because she did. “See! You admitted it! We are really married!” The triumph in her expression was too much to take and Kermit backed away from Piggy. Hope and fear mingled on her face in the second before he turned, sliding into the chair in front of the make up table. He watched her expression for a moment in the mirror before settling his head wearily on the cool wood, wrapping his arms around his head.

This wasn’t going to be pretty.

The room was quiet for a moment and the distance between them seemed enormous.

“Kermie?” Soft sigh, then more seriously, “Kermit?”

“You shouldn’t have done it, Piggy.”

He heard her step towards him, and then stop. “Is it really that awful? Is it really that unthinkable, being married to me, Kermit?”

Kermit didn’t answer for a moment. He felt the tension build.

“That’s not the point. You tricked me.” Quieter. “You deceived me.”

“That’s not an answer, Kermit.”

“Can’t we agree that a marriage can’t be based on a lie?” She sniffled, childlike. “This is not a marriage except by technicality, Piggy. It’s not real.”

“You said… you said ‘I do’.” She whispered, grasping at straws.

Kermit hated to say it, ‘cause it would hurt her, but he had no choice. “But I don’t.”

He wasn’t sure what to expect, tears or a tantrum, but no storm came.

“But I love you.”

“You shouldn’t have done it, Piggy.” Kermit lifted his head, met her reflected eyes and found it no easier than really facing her. “We have to undo this now, Piggy.”

She drew back defensively, as though he’d slapped her. “Undo it?” Outrage flared up and faded into a plea. “Oh, Kermie, please don’t do this.”

“I have to. We have to. It wouldn’t be honest, otherwise.”

“It’s honest to me, Kermit. It’s real to me, and it always will be.”

Kermit pretended he didn’t hear that. “We’re gonna need to get an annulment.” He frowned. “I’ve never done that, seeing how nobody has ever successfully tricked me into marriage before. I have no idea how to go about it.”

“Well, don’t expect me to help you!” Piggy was glaring at him now, hands wrapped protectively around herself.

“Oh, believe me. I don’t.” He felt his outrage flare up again. Kermit spun around to face her, holding on to that anger with something approaching panic. It wasn’t easy to yell at a pig in a wedding dress. Not a particularly prudent thing to do either. “You are gonna do whatever they tell me you have to do in order to get this mess cleaned up!”

Her eyes narrowed coolly. “Oh, I am, am I?”

“Yes.”

“Not likely.”

“So help me, Piggy, if you make this difficult-”

“What are you gonna do, frog?”

“You are going to co-operate, or I will make you co-operate.”

Her voice was pure silk, perfect for strangling. “I would love to see you try to make me do anything I don’t want to do, dear hubby.”

Her hands were clenched into fists and they were both breathing heavily. Bridezilla indeed. Honestly, Kermit didn’t really have a leg to stand on, so he tried to make a hasty escape. Before I really don’t have a leg to stand on. “I’m not your husband!”

“Oh, yes, you are!”

“Well, not for long!”

“We’ll see about that!”

“And you’re not gonna spread this around either, pig.”

“It’s the truth! I’ll tell whoever I want to tell!”

“Yeah, like they’ll believe a liar like you!”

“Liar?!”

“LIAR!”

A piercing martial arts cry and a thunderous crash startled a young caterer passing the trailer. He hesitated, looking anxiously at the soft-eyed dog leaning against the door.

“Ah, don’t worry. I’ll keep an ear on them in case things get out of hand.”

“That’s… not out of hand?”

“Nope.” More angry shouts resumed behind the door but Rowlf smiled easily. “Love hurts. ‘Specially pig love.”


The caterer nodded uneasily and walked quickly away. “None of my business… but pig love? Yikes.”
 

TogetherAgain

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<Laughs>

<continues laughing>

<is reprimanded by mother for not doing homework>

<sulks>

...I'll come and comment tomorrow...
 

Leyla

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Thanks, Lisa, you're a sweetie! This is a story that was just screaming to be told. You have my sympathy about school. Luckily for me, I just finished so I have lots of extra time on my hands. I wish I could lend it to you so that you'd update Flippersteps. :wink: (Don't worry, though, really, 'cause I understand how pressured life can be!)

Huggles!
 

Ruahnna

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Oh, I like your writing Leyla--I like it a lot--but I do not like this story very much so far. I don't mind to see Kermit and Piggy spat--heaven knows--but I just adored the way Kermit looked around the big church, saw his friends, saw Piggy who loved him and said, with great firmness, "I do." I'm going to keep reading, cause I really do like your stuff, and trust in your "happy ending" credo, but don't let them damage each other too much along the way. Words hurt--sometimes more than karate chops--and I know deep down they really care about each other. Also, even though I like to think they are happily (sometimes blissfully) married to each other, I don't pretend to have to (want to, yes--have to, no) impose my take on their relationship on others. That's the beauty of our board here--that we get to see other folks cool ideas. So keep writing--I'm anxious to get to the happy ending part.
With great affection,
(I hope it's okay for me to be, like, honest here, because this is, after all, only my opinion, and doesn't count for anything in the grand scheme of things. You're doing a fine job, but I couldn't help myself. Tries again--nope, can't do it.)
 

Leyla

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Well, of course, you can be honest!

Hey, I completely adore the way he says I do, too. It's one of my favorite muppet moments ever. Heck, I only saw Muppets take Manhattan for the first time about a month ago and parts of me are still melty.

And, for the record, I absolutely, freaking adore you take on their relationship. It makes me deleriously, pathetically happy. I'm smiling now! So, by all means, express your opinion honestly.

So how can I tell you this... er, I was't actually planning on writing more of this story. And now I feel kinda bad about that and I'm not sure what to do. :embarrassed: Maybe it'll help if I tell you what inspired this scene...

From what I've read, Kermit has been denying that wedding fairly consistantly since I was, oh, four years old. Ever since I saw that movie (not that long ago remember) I've been wandering arounding in the 'did they or didn't they' camp. Try as I might, I just don't see Kermit as being a liar... but I don't see Piggy as a liar and she comes off so horribly in fanfics sometimes. I mean, sure she's a handful, but she's good person, she really is! I don't doubt in the least that they deeply care about each other. I think they each believe what they're saying, but I don't know where the truth really lies.

So I guess this is just my way of trying to make sense of all that debate, in a light-hearted way. Boy, now I'm really feeling badly about this. (Not because of you! I'm just feeling a bit of regret, that's all. Maybe I shouldn't have tackled this issue.)

I hate to analyze my own writing but:

“I know what I said! It was scripted!”

“The kiss wasn’t.”


“What?!”

“You kissed me, on the cheek. It was wonderful.” Again, she turned her limpid eyes on him, making him forget what he was trying to say and irritating the life out of him.
Piggy looks so honest to goodness surprised when Kermit shrugs and kisses her. I think he was absolutely caught up in the moment at that point. He meant it, all that affection, even the 'I do'. I just think he's gonna panic afterwords. I feel like he would do that.

“Can’t we agree that a marriage can’t be based on a lie?”
And therein lies the reason I think Kermit could have backed out. Not because he doesn't want to be with her, but because it needs to be his choice, not hers. In your latest fanfic, you did a wonderful job sketching out all those fantastic control issues they have. It was great!

You know, I still believe in the happy ending, I really do... but I don't think Piggy could force it. Her plan to get past all that doubt that seems to have a hold on Kermit isn't a bad one, but I think he would react badly. Maybe they worked it out, maybe he came around, or maybe he didn't. The reader can decide.

I'm not sure I've really decided what they would decide, so should I attempt to do that decision justice? I'm not sure I can.

I don't know, Ruahnna, if any of that makes sense... I have a whole world of respect for your opinion... I share it in a lot of ways, but I always write against my own tendencies, for fear of getting flowery or going overboard. I hope... I hope I haven't offended you, 'cause I think the world of you, honestly, in a friend-I'll-never-meet sort of way. You haven't offended me, or upset me really, just... made me think, but I like doing that, so that's okay. Goodness knows I can't have this sort of conversation in real life without getting some very strange looks.

Huggies!
Leyla
 

Ruahnna

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Oh good--I was SO nervous! Thank goodness we're both ushy-gushy types! You haven't offended me at all, and I am glad that we are writing friends. Creativity begats creativity, and that's a good thing.
You are absolutely correct that Kermit consistently denies everything about their relationship--from day one. And yet--and yet, if Piggy gets too far away, or too disinterested or too involved with anyone else, it just makes him crazy. We already know that Kermit is a reluctant leader--his greatest fear is letting down the people who are counting on him--and yet, his quiet strength makes people lean on him because they know they can. In EVERY SINGLE MOVIE, at some point, everyone turns to Kermit, and Kermit finds some way to make it all better. That's one of the reasons that I really, really like IAVMMC--it's one of the few times Kermit finds himself able to embrace his responsibility, his destiny and his pig--ALL AT THE SAME TIME. I always think that moment defines Kermit--the one who will come through for everyone in the end. *Sigh* Now you know why I let Miss Piggy pin him down and cover him with kisses.
If you are really and truly done with your version of the behind the scenes of their wedding, could I make a running go at it? I have a fun idea....
 

Leyla

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Ah, good, now we're all happy!

it's one of the few times Kermit finds himself able to embrace his responsibility, his destiny and his pig--ALL AT THE SAME TIME.
Oh, sure. I love that! And it's basically as happy as we've ever seen him too! Smoochie, smoochie, and much giddy laughter. I love it when Kermit's crazy. :smile: :mad:

Now you know why I let Miss Piggy pin him down and cover him with kisses.
Heh, don't worry. Kermit doesn't mind nearly as much as he'd like you to believe... by which I mean, at all.

By all means, take your idea and run with it! I'm flattered! But you've gone and inspired me too, so don't be surprised if an unexpected epilogue pops up here shortly.
 
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