Scooter's Story

A while ago, I told a few people on here about a story idea. They seemed pretty enthusiastic about it, so I thought I'd give it a try here.

Please, bare with me, though. I'm not entirely certain how the whole thing should play out yet.

THE MUPPETS PRESENT: SCOOTER'S STORY

SCENE 1

INT. SCOOTER'S ROOM

SCOOTER sits on his bed, strumming his guitar, badly (clip from The Muppet Show).

SCOOTER:

(sung)

The very day I purchased it,
I christened my guitar
As my monophonic symphony,
Six-stringed orchestra.
In my room I practice late,
They leave me alone.
My mother said: "You're nothing yet
To make the folks write home."

Gradually, FLOYD, JANICE, ANIMAL, and ZOOT make their way into the room, all of them see-through.

SCOOTER: (cont'd)

And so I dream a bass will join me
And fill the bottom in.
And maybe now some lead guitar
So it would not sound so thin.
I need some drums to set the beat
And help me keep in time.
And way back in the distance,
A horn would sound so fine.

And we'd all play together
Like fine musicians should.
And it would sound like music,
And the music would sound good.
But in real life, I'm stuck with
That same old formula.
Me and my monophonic symphony,
Six-stringed...

(a brief riff, the band disappears)

... orchestra.

I'm taking guitar lessons,
Though my teacher just took leave.
It was something about a break down,
Or needing a reprieve.
I know I'll find my future,
So I will persevere
And hold onto my dreams of making
Music to their ear.

The band returns, this time, though, they are all in concert, in bright and flashy outfits. SCOOTER is with them.

SCOOTER: (cont'd)

And so I dream a bass will join me
And fill the bottom in.
And maybe now some lead guitar
So it would not sound so thin.
I need some drums to set the beat
And help me keep in time.
And way back in the distance,
Some horns would sound so fine.

And we'd all play together
Like fine musicians should.
And it would sound like music,
And the music would sound good.
But in real life, I'm stuck with
That same old formula.
Me and my monophonic symphony,
Six-stringed...

(a brief riff, the band and all of the surroundings disappear)

... orchestra.

(spoken) Boy, someday I'm gonna be a star.

We pull out to reveal that we were watching this on a TV screen. The show continues on the screen, but our attention is now on...

INT. MUPPET THEATER

As we pull away from the television, we pan across to where SCOOTER is sound asleep on the desk backstage.

KERMIT enters. He is surprised to see SCOOTER still here.

KERMIT: Er, um, Scooter?

SCOOTER: (in his sleep) Raquel Welch! Raquel Welch! Five seconds to curtain, Miss Welch... What's that?... You want to stay in your dressing room... Why, sure I'll come in.

KERMIT: Scooter!

SCOOTER: Not now, chief.

KERMIT: Scooter!!!

SCOOTER: One day I'll be host of The Muppet Show...

KERMIT: Wake uuuuuup!!!

SCOOTER shoots up, wide awake.

SCOOTER: Vet's Hospital! Vet's Hospital on next! ... Oh, it's you, Kermit. I mean, boss. I mean... Hiya, chief!

KERMIT: (scrunching his face) So, you want to be the next host of The Muppet Show, huh?

SCOOTER: Oh, well, only because I admire you so very much, boss! Ha ha!

KERMIT: Right. So, uh, why are you here this early, anyway?

SCOOTER: Oh, well, I always get here this early. Gotta get an early start on coffee!

KERMIT: Ah, good thinking. It's never too early for coffee.

SCOOTER: But, actually, I was looking through some of these old Muppet Show tapes late last night. Must have fallen asleep.

KERMIT: Uh-huh. Scooter?

SCOOTER: Yeah, boss?

KERMIT: Did you get evicted again?

SCOOTER: What makes you think that?

KERMIT: Your toothbrush is in my coffee mug.

SCOOTER: Oh, right. Weeeeell... sorta. I was hopin' to talk to you about that. See, I could really use a raise.

KERMIT: You already make more than anyone else here, and you're the go-fer!

SCOOTER: Well, gee, I could always ask my Uncle.

KERMIT: How much are we talkin'?

SCOOTER: Minimum wage.

KERMIT: What? Are you crazy? That's outrageous!

SCOOTER: Well, okay, but my Uncle sure could---

KERMIT: How's fifteen?

SCOOTER: Great! Ha ha!

KERMIT: Wait a minute... Your Uncle doesn't own the theater anymore.

SCOOTER: ... Does this change our agreement?

KERMIT: *sigh* Scooter, you're welcome to stay here as long as you need to. Under one condition, that is...

SCOOTER: What's that?

KERMIT: Wash out the mug.

Hey, why's it showing a thumbs down already on the forum? I'm not even done yet!

I was wondering the same thing! I thought it was quite good! Must be a mistake! Keep it coming!

I really really like it alot, I hardly read fanfics, but I decided to read this one, very Scooter-ish-ness. Great job, can't wait to see whats coming up next!

My favorite part was the mug, cute bit there.

Barry S. Lee

Thank you!

More story, now...

Continuation from SCENE 1...

KERMIT exits.

SCOOTER: Hmm. I can stay here as long as I like?

SCENE 2

INT. MUPPET THEATER - BACKSTAGE

SCOOTER, in full ballet costume, is dancing about over a make-shift bed he has created for himself. He has gathered a crowd of onlooking Muppets. KERMIT enters. He goes to see what's going on.

KERMIT: Hey, fellas, what's going-- (upon seeing SCOOTER) Yikes! What in the world? Scooter! Scooter, what are you doing?

SCOOTER stops.

SCOOTER: Well, I gotta stay in shape.

It should be noted that through this scene, KERMIT's not all that angry, he just knows there is a lot to be done for their next show.

KERMIT: Why aren't you working?

SCOOTER: It's my day off. La la la!

KERMIT: Well, can't you do that at home?

SCOOTER: This is my home.

KERMIT: Your real home!!

SCOOTER: You said I could stay as long as I needed. (dancing) La la la!

KERMIT: But do you have to be so public about it???

FOZZIE: Oh, but he's good! If he were a cheese, we could put him in the dancing cheese number!

SCOOTER: La la la!

KERMIT: Yeesh! Stop that!

FOZZIE: Oh! Oh! If he were a chicken, we could put him in the dancing chicken number! Wocka Wocka!

KERMIT: Fozzie, what are you talking about?

FOZZIE: Maybe if he were a lion, we could put him in the dancing lion number!

KERMIT: We don't have a dancing lion number, Fozzie.

FOZZIE: We don't? You see, this is why I should be writing for this show. We need dancing lions!

A line of TAP-DANCING LIONS dance their way across the screen.

FOZZIE: Now, that is funny! Wah!

SCOOTER: La la la!

KERMIT: Scooter, please! We are trying to run a show here, could you do that someplace else???

SCOOTER: Fine, I know when I'm not wanted.

SCOOTER has rigged a shower curtain seperating his bed from the rest of the place. He pulls it across quickly. It, however, tumbles and falls to the ground.

SCOOTER: I'll just... dance in the bathroom, I guess.

SCOOTER stomps off.

GONZO enters in his signature SWOOOOSH!

GONZO: Holy toledo! Have I got a dilema! I'm supposed to go on now, and my dancing go-fer has gone missing! Where on earth am I going to find a dancing go-fer at this hour???

They all look toward where SCOOTER has gone.

GONZO: ... What are we looking at?

Scene 3, comin' atcha!


SCENE 3

INT. MUPPET THEATER - STAGE

GONZO rushes onstage in front of the curtain.

GONZO: Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, we present to you a death-defying feat! Get it? Death-defying feat!!!! HA HA HA HA! ... No, of course you wouldn't, you haven't seen it yet. But, when you do, you'll laugh! Trust me.

KERMIT: (offstage) Would you get on with the show???

GONZO: Touchy touchy, froggie-woggie! And now, ladies and gentlemen, you will be shocked and amazed! You will be stunned and confused! You will be bored with some parts, but others will be utterly mesmerizing!!! Prepare yourselves! Witness utter mayhem! Witness collossal chaos! Witness... what you are about to witness! Are you ready?

AUDIENCE: Get on with it!

GONZO: Okay, then! It is my proud privilege to present to you... Scooter the dancing go-fer with... a surprise ending!!! WHOOOOOOOO!

GONZO exits, the curtain goes up. There SCOOTER stands, unable to move. He tries to speak, but nothing comes out. He has come down with a sudden case of stage fright. Then... he faints.

OFFSTAGE...

KERMIT and GONZO look on. GONZO is dumfounded.

KERMIT: Well, the ending certainly was a surprise.

The AUDIENCE starts to boo.

GONZO: My masterpiece!

It is truly wonderful and hilarious! You know, I think this would have made a good plot for an episode, with Scooter making a home at the theater.
Yeah, that's funny. I've noticed one or two threads in the past with the titles displayed differently in two different places. 'tis a mystery indeed!

Well, when I started it, I accidentally hit the thumbs down. But, I edited it without an icon, and it never changed.

SCENE 4

INT. MUPPET THEATER - BACKSTAGE

FOZZIE has an unconcious SCOOTER held over his shoulder as he brings him back from onstage. KERMIT guides the way as several other Muppets look on.

KERMIT: Okay, easy. Easy, there. Watch out for the table, okay?

FOZZIE: Eee-yah! Ah! Ah! Boy, Scooter... Ergh! I never thought you weighed so much! YARGH!

KERMIT: Watch his head, okay, Fozzie?

FOZZIE: Right, Kermit. Hey, Kermit?

KERMIT: Yes, Fozzie?

FOZZIE: (still struggling) Where do you want him?

KERMIT: Just set him anywhere, Fozzie. But just...

THUD!

FOZZIE drops SCOOTER.

KERMIT: ... gently.

FOZZIE: Ooops! Sorry, Scooter.

SCOOTER stands, rubbing his head.

SCOOTER: Ow. Boy, did anyone get the number of that truck?

FOZZIE: No, but if you thought she was a truck, why would you even want her number? WAH- HA HA!

KERMIT: Fozzie, that was very insensitive.

FOZZIE: Sorry, Kermit.

RIZZO: Mind if I use it sometime?

SCOOTER: I don't get it.

GONZO enters.

GONZO: It's ruined! My masterpiece is ruined! Fine art wasted! My years- no!- months of hard work down the drain... wait a minute. Down the drain? I just thought of a new ending for my next performance! That's fantastic! Ha ha!

GONZO exits.

FOZZIE: And they all lived happily ever after!

SCOOTER: Yeah! Happily ever after! Ha ha!

Most of the Muppets start to go, leaving SCOOTER alone.

SCOOTER: All happily... ever... after...

SCOOTER looks down at the floor, sort of sadly.

SCOOTER: ... sorta... Gosh, I feel miserable.

PEPE pops up from behind SCOOTER.

PEPE: Hola!

SCOOTER jumps back frightened.

PEPE: Si, it's me, okay?

SCOOTER: Oh, sorry, Pepe. You startled me.

PEPE: Si, I have this effects on all the womens.

SCOOTER: All the womens?

PEPE: Si, si, it's true. Do not feel as if you are the only one who has felt the raw sex appeals that is mine, okay.

SCOOTER: Pepe, I'm not a woman.

PEPE: Si, you are a woman. This is why you wear the pink frillies and the dress thingy.

SCOOTER: Oh, this? I was practicing my ballet!

PEPE: Uh-huh. Si, si, I see. This is very common for the womens to do. Sometimes when you want to feel pretty-

SCOOTER: No, I'm really a guy.

PEPE: You are a dude?

SCOOTER: Yeah.

PEPE: And you dress up all... girly and things of this nature?

SCOOTER: ... Er... I guess.

PEPE: Uh-huh... To each their own, okay. Personallies, I keep this sort of thing invisible, but... I can see how you party.

SCOOTER: Party? No, I can't party. I'm kinda down, actually.

PEPE: What makes you so miserables and pathetic, okay? Your tights riding up?

SCOOTER: Er, no, not exactly.

PEPE: Come on, you talk to Pepe. Tell me everything. Everything and everything.

SCOOTER: Well, see---

PEPE: You know what is? You know what is? I would love to say and listen to you whine and carry on and be all pathetic, but I have to go now, okay. I's margarita night at Muigel Puablo Guillermo Sanchez Burger Imporium! Hehehe! I'll catch you laters.

PEPE leaves.

SCOOTER: Nice talking to you, Pepe.

SCOOTER looks out at the stage.

SCOOTER: ... Someday I'm gonna be a star.

SCOOTER sighs and exits.

"Your tights riding up?"

Oh MY GOSH! I was rolling on the floor! WONDERFUL piece, SS....although the last one had me laughing out loud (and getting weird looks from my roommate)....I ended up using my little Pepe voice I've developed and saying it to myself (don't really have a Scoot voice, but I tried)......

*dies laughing*

I love the thing as a whole, but the last scene...MAN! I don't think it should have been that funny to me!

Thanks! Pepe's fun to write. I see why they use him so much. Love the irony that Pepe actually has his own set of tights (that's where Scooter's "La la la" came from).

Now that I have writer's block...

You could just write lots of random Pepe lines and I could mutter to myself under my breath (and laugh like nothing else, I'm sure) while avoiding my huge physics assignment.

One thing that seems out of character to me....Kermit saying 'that's insensitive, can I use it sometime' I can picture Rizzo saying it or Gonzo or Pepe in the right circumstance, but I just don't see Kermit saying it....

I might just be crazy....

By the way, not part of the story. SEVERE MUFFIN ALERT!

PEPE: So... Let us discuss matters of great impotence, okay.

KERMIT: Er, Pepe?

PEPE: Yes, Kermins?

KERMIT: I think you mean... importance.

PEPE: Is this not what I said? Anyway, let us discuss matters of great impotence, okay. ... Me. What makes me so much wonderfuls? Is it my red, hot sexiness? My red, hot sexiness? Or maybe my muchos red, hot sexiness? Nooo, none of the above, okay. It just so happens that what makes me so much wonderfuls is the ladies. The ladies, because without the ladies, there would only be mens, and that would not be cool, okay.

Well, that's more of a Muppet Show Kermit line. He'd say stuff like that back then. In particular about Piggy.

"You can't just throw her out into the streets!"
"Not without a forklift, I can't!"

You're right though, and I was trying to come up with something better than that, but I couldn't get it.

I assumed it was a throwback to that style Kermit, but I was feeling so bad about Scooter it made me feel sad

I like it when Fozzie will get all excited about something (a joke in this case, that actually wasn't half bad) and then have to apologize....it's just so 'Fozzie-ish' in my head.

Only the mens *giggle*

I changed it... sorta.

Man, I should be writing a Pepe story.

I like it....I like Rizzo having his jerky tendencies....it makes me feel human for some weird reason....how a rat makes me feel human, I'll never know....

Yes a Pepe story...and then you can get Bill to perform it for me (because I would be the best audience...or at least I like to think so!)

I highly doubt if Bill likes being drooled on while performing.

Pepe's Story will come next. I have to finish this one (wait for the cameos! HURRAY!)

I'm sleepy, so I'll leave with one more Pepe line...

PEPE: Hola! Si, it is me, Pepe. Tonight, I would like to try something new, some poetry, okay.

*ahem!*

Tonight, when you are fast asleep in your beds, okay,
And the world don't seem so bad, but it is bad, but it don't seem that way,
Dream of pigs and dream of mice,
Dream of tacos and of rice.
I won't be dreaming of any of that, okay.
Tomorrow is another day (blah, blah, blah)
I will dream of all the ladies,
You dream of Bill, it will be hot as hades.

Buenos Noches!

bravo SS great having you back around here

Hi, wow I haven't posted here since...well actually I've never posted here...

Not because I didn't want to, it just hadn't really occured to me. But I just wanted to say I like the Scooter story so far. As someone else said, it could have been a Muppet Show episode. I liked the Raquel Welch reference at the beginning.