... okay. SCENE 11 INT. MUPPET THEATER The show is on, and everyone is running around frantically. No one has any clue what needs to be done. KERMIT is trying to get everyone settled down (as it's what he does best). KERMIT: What is going on here? GONZO: Oh, Kermit! It's a disaster! No one knows when they're supposed to go on--- KERMIT: (cutting him off) Oh, that's impossible, I made up the schedule. GONZO: Kermit, I hate to say it, but have you ever seen your handwriting? Scooter's the only one who can decipher that dead language. KERMIT: (scrunches face) What's wrong with my handwriting? GONZO: I think it's a flipper versus hand issue. Besides that, Kermit, the guest stars not even here! KERMIT: What??? What do you mean the guest star's not here? Didn't Pops let him in? POPS enters. POPS: I'm gettin' too old for this! I just had my prostate out, I can't be sitting watching some door all day! KERMIT: Yeesh! So, what acts do we have? GONZO: Well, Kermit, it's looking bleak. Usually I can work with bleak, but this bleak beyond even my act! KERMIT: What do we have, Gonzo? GONZO: Crazy Harry. KERMIT: I'm afraid to ask. What's he going to do? GONZO: Well, he kind of alread did it... PIGGY enters from the stage, covered in ash. KERMIT: *GASP* P-P-Piggy! What happened? PIGGY: DON'T ask! PIGGY exits. GONZO: Thing of it is, I wish I'd thought of it. KERMIT: What I'd like to know is what's left of Harry? FOZZIE enters. FOZZIE: Kermit! Kermit! Oh, Kermit, I gotta tell ya, I won't be going on tonight. KERMIT: Oh, good. FOZZIE: ... uh, er, well, would you like to know why? GONZO: Well, we don't have a whole lot of anything else to go on. KERMIT: That is true. Fozzie, why aren't you going on? We need you! For once, we need you! FOZZIE: Oh, thank you! But, seriously, I will not be going on. Scooter was supposed to help me with my monologue, I don't even know whether or not this is really funny! KERMIT: We can only hope the audience won't either. Go on, Fozzie! FOZZIE: *sigh* Yes, sir. FOZZIE goes out on stage. PEPE enters. PEPE: Kermin! This is disaster, okay! KERMIT: Oh, what could it be now? PEPE: I was looking at the script-play for this movie, okay, and I noticed something peculiar. You know what this peculiar thing was? I haven't been on screen since Scene 4! This is so not according to my contract, okay. KERMIT: Er, not now, Pepe. PEPE: But ju cannot make a "muffin" movie without Pepe, the main "muffin"! KERMIT: Muppet! PEPE: Yeah, yeah, yeah, tomatoe, potatoe, is all the same, okay. FOZZIE re-enters, covered in vegetable remains. FOZZIE: Kermit? I think they knew it wasn't funny. KERMIT: Yeesh! GONZO: Kermit, I think the show's falling apart. KERMIT: Gee, Scooter usually helps make sure everyone knows what's going on. LEW ZELAND enters. LEW ZELAND: Hey, Kermit, is it okay if me and my boomerang fish go on now? KERMIT: ... Sure, go ahead. LEW ZELAND: Wow! Thank you! Come on, Murray. LEW ZELAND and his fish go onstage. GONZO: Uh, Kermit? Are you sure about that? KERMIT: Well, it couldn't hurt. PEPE: ANY-way, back to me, I think I need more scenes in this movie, Kermin, preferababably with some sultry, sexy leading lady type person, okay. KERMIT: Pepe! PEPE: Don't worry, don't worry. I take care of everything on my end, you just take care of everything else. Oh, but she cannot be too sexy, okay, I think there's some sort of illegals there with the photographing too much sexiness at once, okay. I am almost the legal limit myself, okay. LEW ZELAND returns from the stage. LEW ZELAND: Oh, they love me! They love me! MWAH MWAH! Do you hear that crowd? They listen close and hear the crowd applauding loudly. KERMIT: Wow. GONZO: Gee, and you always left him out of the show. KERMIT: This just isn't my night. (to camera) I wonder how things are going with Scooter and the band?