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Ruahnna
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Piggy banged the door of her dressing room shut. “Stupid frog,” she muttered. “Stupid wedding dress.” Her breath caught suddenly. “Stupid me!” Tears sprang into her eyes and, horrified that she might actually cry, she took a deep calming breath and began to rid herself of the yards and yards of white lace.
“How could I have been so stupid?” Piggy thought wretchedly. “Love me? Kermit doesn’t love me, and he never will. To him, I’m just one of the chorus—the lucky one who gets picked to play the lead.” Anger made her feel better, but it didn’t diminish the sadness or the empty feeling in her chest. When this movie wrapped, she would have to figure out where to go, what to do next. Neither seemed to matter very much.
The knock came sooner than she expected, but she had steeled herself for it, her tears stashed away and her eyes cool.
“What?” she called. Smart men had run from that tone of voice, but Kermit hadn’t always made smart choices where Piggy was concerned.
“The director would like to speak with you,” Kermit called back.
Piggy rolled her eyes. Oh, great, she thought. He’s wearing his ‘I’m the director’ hat, now, which means I’ll have to act professionally. The big coward. She heaved a sigh. If she was going to have to deal with him, she didn’t want to do it in close proximity.
“I’m coming out!” she shouted.
Kermit was lecturing before she even got the door open.
“Miss Piggy, I would like to know what you think you were doing out there?”
She came to the door of her dressing room wearing not the wedding dress itself, but the undergarment designed to shape and support it. Although she was probably more concealed that she was in half of her regular street clothes, Kermit was clearly flustered by her appearance in her underwear. Just like she hoped. Hah! Take that, you, you—frog, you.
“Miss Piggy, I like a joke as well as the next person, but I am not accustomed to my cast members showing up unprepared.”
“Unprepared?” she sputtered. “What do you mean unprepa—“
“And next time I expect you to show up on the set dressed and with all your props.”
Piggy stared at him. Props? “What are you talking about?”
“Where’s your ring?” he demanded as though she hadn’t spoken.
“My—my ring? What ring?”
Kermit put his hands on his hips. “Piggy—this is supposed to look like a real wedding. How can this be a real wedding if you aren’t wearing the engagement ring?”
“Engagement ring? I don’t know anything about an engagement—”
Give me your hand,” Kermit demanded.
Piggy looked at him askance. “Why?”
“Just give me your hand,” Kermit said irritably. With some reluctance, Piggy put forth her hand. Kermit removed a little velvet case from his pocket and opened it carefully. He took the ring that was nestled firmly on its bed of velvet and slipped it on Piggy’s hand while Piggy stared at him uneasily.
“Where’d you get this?” she demanded. The stone was too large to be real. “A gumball machine?”
“Tiffany’s,” Kermit muttered, standing back to look at the ring critically.
“Oh—the gumball machine at Tiffany’s,” Piggy snarked. She wanted to look closer at the glittering stone, but the gem was sparkling so much under the backstage lights that she couldn’t get a proper look at it.
“And now you’re undressed!” Kermit complained.
“You yelled cut!” she snapped back. “Usually, that means we’re done. Now if you’ll excuse me—“
“You are not excused,” Kermit huffed. “We’re going to have to go and shoot that whole thing again. Surely I don’t have to explain why?” His voice was dripping with sarcasm and Piggy wanted to murder him.
“You don’t have to explain anything to me!” Piggy shouted. “I got it! I got it, already. Sheesh—you are the most uptight, infuriating—“
“Don’t start, Piggy,” Kermit barked. “I put a lot of time and expense into this day and I’m not about to—“
“Fine!” Piggy shouted. She was sure—she was certain—that most of the cast was lurking just out of sight. Somehow, they always managed to have the most embarrassing fights in public. The thought of all those witnesses took the wind out of her sails. Suddenly, Piggy wilted. “It was just—it was just supposed to be in fun.” Not entirely true, but not entirely false, either. But it hadn’t been very fun, after all, and now she was humiliated in front of practically everyone they knew. “I’ll put the stupid dress back on so we can film it again.” She banged into her dressing room.
Outside, Kermit crossed his arms across his chest and smiled.
“But why can’t I go see Uncle Kermit?” Robin complained. “We came all this way and now I can’t even—“
“In a little while, dear. Just be patient,” said an ever-gentle voice.
“But I hate being patient!” Robin whined.
“Remind you of anyone?” a gruffer voice asked.
“Now dear….”
Before any response could be made, Ernie and Bert approached with Big Bird and stood looking at Robin curiously. Ernie waved.
“Hello,” he said. “I’m Ernie and these are my friends Bert and Big Bird.”
“Hi. I’m Robin.”
“Wanna come play with us?”
Robin looked up hopefully for permission. “Can I? Can I please?”
“Of course.”
“We’re not supposed to get dirty,” Ernie explained as they walked away. “But we can play something quiet.”
“I don’t like to get dirty anyway,” Bert said firmly.
“Hi—I’m Big Bird, and I live on Sesame Street. Where do you live?”
“Well, sometimes I live with my Uncle Kermit, but right now I’m staying with my grandparents in the swamp.”
“What’s a swamp?” asked Big Bird.
“Um, there’s water and grass and lots of mud.”
“Sounds messy.”
“It is. It’s great.”
“I live in a nest. Maybe you could come see it sometime….”
Their voices were lost as they moved further away.
“Well,” said the gruffer voice. “That was very nice of them.”
“Yes, very nice.” She laid a hand lightly on his arm. “But then, Kermit’s always had nice friends.”
“Um, Boss?” Scooter said tentatively. Kermit looked around in surprise to find a very pale-looking Scooter standing behind him. Gonzo and Rizzo stood behind him, their eyes downcast.
“Yeah, Scooter?” Kermit said. He couldn’t wait to tell them how the last--
“Um, I don’t know how to tell you this but…but she’s gone.”
Kermit felt sick.
“Gone? Bu-but I just, um, we just…gone. How can she be gone?” He sat down suddenly, not caring that there was no chair. “Oh, Scooter,” he said softly. “This is all my fault. I shouldn’t have—“
“Oh!” Scooter said suddenly. “Oh, sorry—I didn’t mean Miss Piggy.”
Kermit gave him such a look that his assistant shrank back, but his next words sent a chill down Kermit’s spine.
“Piggy’s still in her dressing room,” Scooter said. He gulped. “I meant, um, the other one.”
Now Kermit began to look pale. “How—how did this happen?” He looked at Gonzo and Rizzo accusingly. “I thought you guys were riding herd on her?”
“Hey, we were in the scene with you. I thought Bobo was watching her, but—“
“How can she be gone—gone where?”
The four men looked at each other nervously.
“Well, she can’t have gone far. Fan out—look for her!” They stared at him, frozen in place. “Now!” Kermit cried, waving his arms about his head. They scattered.
Oh geez, Kermit thought miserably. This could ruin everything.
“How could I have been so stupid?” Piggy thought wretchedly. “Love me? Kermit doesn’t love me, and he never will. To him, I’m just one of the chorus—the lucky one who gets picked to play the lead.” Anger made her feel better, but it didn’t diminish the sadness or the empty feeling in her chest. When this movie wrapped, she would have to figure out where to go, what to do next. Neither seemed to matter very much.
The knock came sooner than she expected, but she had steeled herself for it, her tears stashed away and her eyes cool.
“What?” she called. Smart men had run from that tone of voice, but Kermit hadn’t always made smart choices where Piggy was concerned.
“The director would like to speak with you,” Kermit called back.
Piggy rolled her eyes. Oh, great, she thought. He’s wearing his ‘I’m the director’ hat, now, which means I’ll have to act professionally. The big coward. She heaved a sigh. If she was going to have to deal with him, she didn’t want to do it in close proximity.
“I’m coming out!” she shouted.
Kermit was lecturing before she even got the door open.
“Miss Piggy, I would like to know what you think you were doing out there?”
She came to the door of her dressing room wearing not the wedding dress itself, but the undergarment designed to shape and support it. Although she was probably more concealed that she was in half of her regular street clothes, Kermit was clearly flustered by her appearance in her underwear. Just like she hoped. Hah! Take that, you, you—frog, you.
“Miss Piggy, I like a joke as well as the next person, but I am not accustomed to my cast members showing up unprepared.”
“Unprepared?” she sputtered. “What do you mean unprepa—“
“And next time I expect you to show up on the set dressed and with all your props.”
Piggy stared at him. Props? “What are you talking about?”
“Where’s your ring?” he demanded as though she hadn’t spoken.
“My—my ring? What ring?”
Kermit put his hands on his hips. “Piggy—this is supposed to look like a real wedding. How can this be a real wedding if you aren’t wearing the engagement ring?”
“Engagement ring? I don’t know anything about an engagement—”
Give me your hand,” Kermit demanded.
Piggy looked at him askance. “Why?”
“Just give me your hand,” Kermit said irritably. With some reluctance, Piggy put forth her hand. Kermit removed a little velvet case from his pocket and opened it carefully. He took the ring that was nestled firmly on its bed of velvet and slipped it on Piggy’s hand while Piggy stared at him uneasily.
“Where’d you get this?” she demanded. The stone was too large to be real. “A gumball machine?”
“Tiffany’s,” Kermit muttered, standing back to look at the ring critically.
“Oh—the gumball machine at Tiffany’s,” Piggy snarked. She wanted to look closer at the glittering stone, but the gem was sparkling so much under the backstage lights that she couldn’t get a proper look at it.
“And now you’re undressed!” Kermit complained.
“You yelled cut!” she snapped back. “Usually, that means we’re done. Now if you’ll excuse me—“
“You are not excused,” Kermit huffed. “We’re going to have to go and shoot that whole thing again. Surely I don’t have to explain why?” His voice was dripping with sarcasm and Piggy wanted to murder him.
“You don’t have to explain anything to me!” Piggy shouted. “I got it! I got it, already. Sheesh—you are the most uptight, infuriating—“
“Don’t start, Piggy,” Kermit barked. “I put a lot of time and expense into this day and I’m not about to—“
“Fine!” Piggy shouted. She was sure—she was certain—that most of the cast was lurking just out of sight. Somehow, they always managed to have the most embarrassing fights in public. The thought of all those witnesses took the wind out of her sails. Suddenly, Piggy wilted. “It was just—it was just supposed to be in fun.” Not entirely true, but not entirely false, either. But it hadn’t been very fun, after all, and now she was humiliated in front of practically everyone they knew. “I’ll put the stupid dress back on so we can film it again.” She banged into her dressing room.
Outside, Kermit crossed his arms across his chest and smiled.
“But why can’t I go see Uncle Kermit?” Robin complained. “We came all this way and now I can’t even—“
“In a little while, dear. Just be patient,” said an ever-gentle voice.
“But I hate being patient!” Robin whined.
“Remind you of anyone?” a gruffer voice asked.
“Now dear….”
Before any response could be made, Ernie and Bert approached with Big Bird and stood looking at Robin curiously. Ernie waved.
“Hello,” he said. “I’m Ernie and these are my friends Bert and Big Bird.”
“Hi. I’m Robin.”
“Wanna come play with us?”
Robin looked up hopefully for permission. “Can I? Can I please?”
“Of course.”
“We’re not supposed to get dirty,” Ernie explained as they walked away. “But we can play something quiet.”
“I don’t like to get dirty anyway,” Bert said firmly.
“Hi—I’m Big Bird, and I live on Sesame Street. Where do you live?”
“Well, sometimes I live with my Uncle Kermit, but right now I’m staying with my grandparents in the swamp.”
“What’s a swamp?” asked Big Bird.
“Um, there’s water and grass and lots of mud.”
“Sounds messy.”
“It is. It’s great.”
“I live in a nest. Maybe you could come see it sometime….”
Their voices were lost as they moved further away.
“Well,” said the gruffer voice. “That was very nice of them.”
“Yes, very nice.” She laid a hand lightly on his arm. “But then, Kermit’s always had nice friends.”
“Um, Boss?” Scooter said tentatively. Kermit looked around in surprise to find a very pale-looking Scooter standing behind him. Gonzo and Rizzo stood behind him, their eyes downcast.
“Yeah, Scooter?” Kermit said. He couldn’t wait to tell them how the last--
“Um, I don’t know how to tell you this but…but she’s gone.”
Kermit felt sick.
“Gone? Bu-but I just, um, we just…gone. How can she be gone?” He sat down suddenly, not caring that there was no chair. “Oh, Scooter,” he said softly. “This is all my fault. I shouldn’t have—“
“Oh!” Scooter said suddenly. “Oh, sorry—I didn’t mean Miss Piggy.”
Kermit gave him such a look that his assistant shrank back, but his next words sent a chill down Kermit’s spine.
“Piggy’s still in her dressing room,” Scooter said. He gulped. “I meant, um, the other one.”
Now Kermit began to look pale. “How—how did this happen?” He looked at Gonzo and Rizzo accusingly. “I thought you guys were riding herd on her?”
“Hey, we were in the scene with you. I thought Bobo was watching her, but—“
“How can she be gone—gone where?”
The four men looked at each other nervously.
“Well, she can’t have gone far. Fan out—look for her!” They stared at him, frozen in place. “Now!” Kermit cried, waving his arms about his head. They scattered.
Oh geez, Kermit thought miserably. This could ruin everything.
