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Statler & Waldorf quotes...

Discussion in 'Classic Muppets' started by punkNpuppets, Oct 14, 2002.

  1. punkNpuppets

    punkNpuppets Well-Known Member

    WALDORF: They aren’t half bad.
    STATLER: Nope, they’re ALL bad!
    (Weezer video)

    STATLER: I wonder if there really is life on another planet.
    WALDORF: Why do you care? You don’t have a life on this one?

    WALDORF: What’s all the commotion about?
    STATLER: Waldorf, the bunny ran away!
    WALDORF: Well, you know what that makes him -
    BOTH: Smarter than us!
    (Muppet Vision 3D)

    STATLER: Boo!
    WALDORF: Boooo!
    S: That was the worst thing I’ve ever heard!
    W: It was terrible!
    S: Horrendous!
    W: Well it wasn’t that bad.
    S: Oh, yeah?
    W: Well, there were parts of it I liked!
    S: Well, I liked alot of it.
    W: Yeah, it was GOOD actually.
    S: It was great!
    W: It was wonderful!
    S: Yeah, bravo!
    W: More!
    S: More!
    W: More!
    S: More!

    what other ones are there???
  2. Skeeter Muppet

    Skeeter Muppet Well-Known Member

    At the end of the Steve Martin episode:

    Statler: Well, that was different.
    Waldorf: Yep. Lousy...
    Both: ...but different!

    From the Juliet Prowse ep:

    Statler: The question is, what is a Mahna Mahna?
    Waldorf: The question is, who cares?

    From (unknown ep)
    Waldorf: Bravo, bravo!
    Statler: Why are you yelling bravo? Did you like it that much?
    Waldorf: Nope; friend of mine, Joe Bravo, he's sitting in the front row. Bravo!

    From MuppetVision 3*D
    Statler: (after putting on his 3-D glasses) Hey, hey look! Look at the guy in the Goofy mask! ...that's not a mask. Oh; sorry lady!

    Waldorf: Hey look, an orchestra of penguins!
    Statler: Yeah, probably took the job for the halibut!

    Waldorf: (commenting on the scenery for Piggy's number) Isn't it lovely?
    Statler: Yeah. Too bad they're gonna spoil it with a pig.

    Waldorf: Hey, what's all the commotion about?
    Sweetums: Bunny ran away!
    Waldorf: Well, you know what that makes him...
    Statler & Waldorf: Smarter than us!

    Statler: (on Bean's reuniting with the other Muppets) This is a very moving moment.
    Waldorf: Yeah; I wish they'd move it to Pittsburgh!

  3. Crazy Harry

    Crazy Harry Well-Known Member

    I think you might gotten that one reversed... or was that the joke?
  4. suggsy

    suggsy Well-Known Member

    Waldorf: I wish Gene Kelly would teach me to Charleston.
    Statler: I wish Gene Kelly would DRIVE you to Charleston!

    (I like the ones where they turn on each other.)
  5. Crazy Harry

    Crazy Harry Well-Known Member

    S&W: Boo, boo!
    Sheep: Baah, baah!
    S&W: Humbug, humbug!

    Statler: Wake up you old fool. You slept through the show.
    Waldorf: Who's a fool? You watched it.
  6. Beauregard

    Beauregard Well-Known Member

    Crasy Harry,

    I think they did that one both ways at differant times.

    I have got a copy of Manah Manah on my computor and at the end they are chearing and saying how good it is then they change there minds, the same way thay did in the one PunkNmuppets said it only backwards.

  7. Daffyfan4ever

    Daffyfan4ever Well-Known Member


    I think the one where Waldorf tells Statler he doesn't have a life on this planet and also the one where he is calling for Joe Bravo are both from the Dom DeLouise episode. Though, I can't quite remember which ep the Gene Kelly quote came from. Lol. Just kidding.
  8. Gorgon Heap

    Gorgon Heap Well-Known Member

    Actually, the Bravo Bravo quote is from the George Burns episode, after Kermit & Piggy sing "I Won't Dance" in At the Dance.

    Some of my favorite S & W quotes:

    W: Wonderful!
    S: Marvelous!
    W: That you should care for me.
    (Ruth Buzzi ep.)

    The following three from the Marisa Berenson ep:

    After a Russian number:

    S: Well, there goes detente!
    W: Where?
    S: Never mind.

    S: Did you like that number?
    W: Speak up, my hearing aid's busted!
    S: Doyyyyy!

    S: Is your hearing aid fixed?
    W: No.
    S: Then how do you know what I'm saying?
    W: I don't!
    S: Oh. (does double take)

    More to come as I remember them.

    David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole
  9. Drtooth

    Drtooth Well-Known Member

    S: I like the steel Drums!

    W: What?!?


    W: I beleive it! They'll take anything that isn't bolted down!
    (From Muppets at Disney World)

    Fozzie: That's what we call a Disney Joke!

    S: No!! That's what we call a Dismal Joke!!!
    S: Have you ever been to a Witch Doctor?

    W: They're all witch! Ever been to a poor doctor?
    S: You did it! You saved the Pig and Frog!

    W: Well, it was too late to save the movie!
    from GMC, watching a fashion show

    S: Nice lines!

    W: Yeah!! And the dresses aren't bad either

    S: Waldorf!! Wake up! Here come the bikinis!

    W: Oh boy! Let's syncronize our pace makers!

    W: The bear and the Snowman are great team.

    S: Yeah! The snowman's ice cold and the bear's not so hot!

    somebody think up some more! I don't want to be here all day!
  10. Daffyfan4ever

    Daffyfan4ever Well-Known Member


    Sorry about that. I guess I got mixed up because George Burns and Dom DeLouise were on the same video.

    O.K., let's go through the collection I have and see what I can remember. Here we go:

    Raquel Welsh episode:

    Statler: Do you believe in life after death?

    Waldorf: Every time I leave this theater.
    (I don't quite get that one)
    After Paul Simon takes Gonzo's chicken's

    Waldorf: You know what kind of party Paul's having?

    Statler: No, what kind?

    Waldorf: A hen party.
    (Also from the Paul Simon episode)
    Statler: Brrrr. It's freezing in here. Waldorf when you
    come back can you give me my coat?

    (Waldorf brings Statler a goat)

    Statler: Your hearing aid's busted again.
    (from the Muppets Take Manhattan)

    Waldorf: Did you get us tickets?

    Statler: You bet! They're for a bus out of town!

    (I'm not quite sure I got that one exactly right)
    (Also from the George Burns episode)

    Statler: Can you sing tenor?

    Waldorf: What?

    Statler: Can you sing tenor, as in ten or eleven miles away
    from here.

    I should be getting Volume 8 from the Timelife collection some
    time this week, so I'll try to come up with more.
  11. TravellingMatt

    TravellingMatt Well-Known Member

    (Also from the Paul Simon episode)
    Statler: Brrrr. It's freezing in here. Waldorf when you
    come back can you give me my coat?

    (Waldorf brings Statler a goat)

    This joke was recycled from a live-action segment on "Sesame Street". In the segment, David is stranded on a desert island, rubs a bottle, and out comes a genie, as played by Maria. David asks for a boat to get off the island, and gets a coat, then a goat, before finally getting his boat (a TOY boat)!

    Other great S & W lines:

    (From the Elton John ep)

    (S & W are wearing flamboyant Elton John-style costumes)

    Statler: Boy, we really look like something from the rock age!
    Waldorf: No, we look more like something from the Stone Age!


    (From the Shirley Bassey ep, after "Boogie In The Barnyard")

    S & W: BOO BOO said the men in the theatre box, DON'T BOOGIE IN THE BARNYARD!


    (From the Julie Andrews ep, after "The Lonely Goatherd")

    Waldorf: Bravo! I loved it! I liked the goat!
    Statler: He would...the old goat!


    (From the Elton John ep, watching the Swedish Chef chase a chicken around)

    Waldorf: "Let's sneak out and grab a pizza."


    (After a number where Piggy leads the pigs in "Cuanta Le Gusta")

    Statler: "That was your basic Latin number."
    Waldorf: "No, that was your basic Pig Latin number."

  12. Gorgon Heap

    Gorgon Heap Well-Known Member


    The quote from the George Burns episode is as follows:

    S: That George Burns is a great singer!
    W: Well so am I, Statler!
    S: What?!
    W: Sure! Hey, you wanna hear me sing?
    S: Only if you sing tenor.
    W: Tenor?
    S: Ten or eleven miles away! HA HA HA HA HA!

    The life after death joke is saying that sitting through the show is death, and leaving the theater is life again.

    David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole
  13. Crazy Harry

    Crazy Harry Well-Known Member

    (after seeing Gonzo preform 'Jamboree')

    W: Ther've been wars started over less then that

    S: You're wrong. Nothing's less then that.
  14. Daffyfan4ever

    Daffyfan4ever Well-Known Member


    Thanks David. I should have remembered the ones from the Elton John and Julie Andrews episodes considering they're on Timelife's first volume and I have watched that one more times than I've watched the rest of them. Lol.
  15. Drtooth

    Drtooth Well-Known Member

    Here are some I made up for a few comicsin which Statler and Waldorf give their commentary. Just want to know what you think!

    (In one comic, they're at the movies watching a trailer for a parody of Like Mike)

    Statler: What's worse than a movie about Michael Jordan without him actually being in it?

    Waldorf: How about a film about Michael Jordan WITH him in it?

    (To start off my annuall Halooween Issue, I had Fozzie Bear tell some jokes about ghosts, to which, they reply)

    S: Hey bear! The only thing scarey around here is the fact you're still in comedy!

    W: Yeah! The only thing in this issue that won't come back from the dead is your act!

    S: Face it! In the field of entertainment, you don't stand a GHOST of a chance!

    Both: Dwoah! Ho ho ho!!!
  16. Crazy Harry

    Crazy Harry Well-Known Member

    S: "Take a trip" you said. "See the world you said" you said. Now we're stuck on the front of this stupid ship.
    W: It could be worse. We could be stuck in the audience.
  17. Devo

    Devo Member

    W: That was wonderful!
    S: Bravo!
    W: I loved it!
    S: That was great!
    W: Well, it was pretty good.
    S: Well, It wasn't bad.
    W: There were parts that weren't pretty good, though.
    S: It could've been a lot better.
    W: I didn't really like it.
    S: It was pretty terrible.
    W: It was bad.
    S: It was awful!
    S & W: Terrible! Eh, boo!
    (I took that from after Mahna Mahna on the Muppet Hits cassette)

    S: Brilliant!
    W: Ah, it was terrible.
    S: Well, it was good.
    W: Ah, it was very bad.
    S: Well, it was average.
    W: Ah, it was in the middle there.
    S: Ah, it wasn't that great.
    W: I kind of liked it.
    S: It was terrible!
    W: I loved it!
    S: Get 'em off!
    W: MORE!
    (from same source, after "Lady Of Spain")

    W: Tell me, Statler, how do you like the album so far? I mean, just between you and me.
    S: Well, uh, strictly off the record...
    W: Yes?
    S: I'd like to be off the record!
    (laughter ensues)
    (same again, after Cuanto le Gusta)

    W: Hey, this is a great way for Fozzie to do his material!
    S: Yeah, a moving target is harder to hit!
    (watching Fozzie perform on roller-skates)

    S: He was doing okay until he fell off the stage.
    W: Wrong. He was doing okay until he came ON the stage!
    (at the end of the roller-skate bit)

    W: You know, on the show that wasn't funny.
    S: True, true.
    W: But on a record it doesn't even make sense.
    (after Happy Feet)

    W: Eh, Stater?
    S: Yah, what?
    W: Is that it?
    S: Yes, its over. How'd you like it?
    W: I don't know, I slept through the whole thing.
    S: Well, you didn't miss much.
    (End of the tape) :)

    I'd go to Muppets Hits Take 2, but I gotta leave something else easy to find for others. :-D


    Woody: What's the story, Mr. Peterson?
    Norm: The Bobbsey Twins Go To The Brewery. Let's cut to the happy ending.
  18. Fozzie Bear

    Fozzie Bear Well-Known Member

    What were the 2 S&W moments at MuppetFest??
  19. Drtooth

    Drtooth Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure about those Fozzie, cuz I didn't go !!!:mad:

    But here is one of my favorites.

    S: What do you think of the Movie?

    W: I've seen detergents that left a better film!

    I actually yelled that aloud in a movie theater once!
  20. Fozzie Bear

    Fozzie Bear Well-Known Member


    Say, Statler, do you think "The Muppet Show" will be any better live?

    At our age, it's good to be around anything live. (THEY LAUGH)

    Well, at least it's only for one night.

    Year, but that's the same thing they told us 25 years ago…

    Ho-ho-ho!! (THEME SONG DRUM ROLL BEGINS) OH NO!!!!!!


    You know, the second half of this show reminds me of Aspen.

    Why Aspen?

    Cause it's all downhill from here!


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