Swamp Call

[theprawncracker]

Great chapter Lisa. Sorry I haven't been on lately. I probably won't be on as much...

Loved the reference to Mr. Juhl(may he RIP) and the frog walks into a bank joke.

 

[TogetherAgain]

Alright. Finally.

I'm posting the next two chapters together, because they were supposed to be one chapter, and it just sort of kept growing...

Here's the ironic thing.

I was having a really great day Wednesday- school was a late start day, not a lot of homework, and by the time I got off the bus in the afternoon, I was in the middle of a hilarious scene in Juhl's Pizza Place that I just couldn't wait to post. So I sign onto MC and see a thread... "Jerry Juhl--RIP". Suddenly Wednesday wasn't such a great day.

I had already planned most of these two chapters before seeing that thread. So now there's some stuff that was supposed to be solid comedy, and now seems a little more bittersweet.

I'm dedicating these two chapters to Jerry Juhl.

Here goes.

 

[TogetherAgain]

Chapter thirteen

“Hi Piggy,” Kermit’s cheerful voice rang through the studio.

“What a surprise,” Nancy said as she relaxed a little in her chair. “So where are you, Kermit?”

“Well right now we’re at a pizza place,” Kermit said. “We’re getting lunch.”

“Who’s we?” Nancy asked.

“My family,” Kermit said. “Wanna hear ‘em say hi? Say hi, everybody!”

They heard a chorus of “Hi’s” and “Hello’s”.

Nancy chuckled, then cleared her throat. “So Kermit,” she said. “Why aren’t you at the theater?”

Kermit hesitated. When he spoke, Miss Piggy could easily hear that he was trying to contain his anger. “Nancy, you just asked Miss Piggy that,” he said. “So either you weren’t paying attention or you don’t believe her. And whichever one it is, you’re making a mistake.”

Miss Piggy smiled and straightened up in her chair as Nancy shrunk back slightly.

“A family emergency, then,” Nancy said bitterly. “Alright Kermit. What’s the emergency?”

Miss Piggy glared at her. “The emergency is none of your business!” she said.

“Thank you, Piggy,” Kermit said quietly. “Apparently Miss Andrews doesn’t respect the idea of privacy.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~​

“You tell her, Kermit!” Fozzie said. A dozen or so of them had gathered around a small television in one of the dressing rooms.

“Tell who what?” Gonzo asked.

“Tell Nancy to mind her own business,” Rowlf said.

“But he just did,” Gonzo said.

“It’s just an expression, man,” Floyd said.

“So Kermit,” Nancy Andrews was saying. “If you’re not at the theater, who’s doing your job?”

“Oh they’re splitting it up until I get back,” they heard Kermit say. “I don’t know exactly who’s doing what, but I’m sure they can manage. Don’t you think so, Miss Piggy?”

"Yes Kermie," Miss Piggy said, "We're doing fine!"

“So there’s no one single replacement, then?” Nancy asked. “No one person keeping everyone in line? Kermit, how do you know everyone’s staying on task?”

“Well I don’t, really, I just trust them,” they heard Kermit say. “I know they’re all hard workers who love what they’re doing. And when you’ve got that combination, you don’t really have to worry as much about anyone getting side-tracked or taking a lot of really long breaks.”

The Muppets in the dressing room guiltily glanced around at each other.

Hilda cleared her throat. “Has anyone seen where I put my spare needles?”

“Can someone help me practice my jokes?” Fozzie said.

“Hey Scooter,” Gonzo said, “Do you know when my act is this week?”

“Well, I can check the schedule,” Scooter said.

“I was just dusting in here,” Beauregard said as he looked around. “But it looks like it needs un-dusting.”

“Yeah, uh, just a little break,” Clifford said. He turned the television off. The dressing room was almost immediately empty. Everyone was back to work.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~​

“You little liar!” Maggie said loudly with a devious twinkle in her eye. “Don’t act like you haven’t even thought about them, Mit!”

Kermit was leaning against the counter. He pretended not to hear his sister, keeping his eyes on the screen.

Nancy’s interest seemed to perk up. “Who’s that talking in the background?” she asked.

Kermit scrunched up his face a little. “That’s my sister, Maggie,” he said.

Miss Piggy smiled. “Kermie, is Maggie being Maggie?” she teased.

Kermit’s brothers and sisters all laughed. “If by being Maggie you mean making my life as difficult as possible, then yes, Maggie is being Maggie,” Kermit said. “As usual.”

On the screen, they saw Nancy turn to Miss Piggy. “You know Maggie?” she asked.

“Yes,” Miss Piggy said. “Moi and Maggie met a few days ago.”

“I think we should talk to Maggie,” Nancy said. “Kermit, why don’t you turn on speakerphone?”

Kermit squirmed and glanced at the devious twinkle in his sister’s eye. “I uh, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he said quickly.

“HE DOESN’T, BUT I DO!” Maggie shouted. The others laughed.

“Kermie?” Miss Piggy said, “Why don’t vous want your sister to talk?”

Kermit cleared his throat. “Well I, uh... you see, um...”

“I think it’s a good idea,” Jimmy said loudly.

“See, your family agrees with me, Kermit!” Nancy said. “Turn on the speakerphone!”

Kermit turned to his brother and scrunched up his face. “Jimmy,” he said, “Whose side are you on?”

“Apparently not yours,” Nancy said.

“Come on, Mit!” Maggie said. “Put it on speakerphone.”

They heard someone in the studio audience starting to chant. “Spea-ker-phone! Spea-ker-phone! Spea-ker-phone!”

Soon the entire audience joined in. “SPEA-KER-PHONE! SPEA-KER-PHONE! SPEA-KER-PHONE!”

Nancy jumped right in. “SPEA-KER-PHONE! SPEA-KER-PHONE! SPEA-KER-PHONE!”

The chant spread into Juhl’s Pizza Place. “SPEA-KER-PHONE! SPEA-KER-PHONE! SPEA-KER-PHONE!”

“Aw, sheesh...” Kermit tapped a button on the phone. “There. You’re on speakerphone.”

They cheered. “Thank you Kermit,” Nancy said.

“Yeah thanks Mit,” Maggie said. “Now I get to talk!”

“I take it you’re Maggie?” Nancy said.

“I sure am!” Maggie said.

“So do you see a lot of Kermit’s work?” Nancy asked.

“Oh absolutely!” Maggie said. “We al go into town every week and watch the show on whatever TV we can. Then we spend the whole half-hour making fun of it!”

Nancy raised her eyebrows. “Do you now?”

“Oh, yeah, we’re worse than those old guys in the balcony!” Maggie said.

Kermit’s face was scrunched up. “Statler and Waldorf, yeah,” he mumbled.

“Of course we don’t mean a word of it,” Maggie went on. “We’re proud of him, we just like to tease him.”

Jimmy cleared his throat. “You’re the only one who teases him, Maggie,” he said. “The rest of us just laugh.”

“Woah, hold it, we’ve got an unidentified voice!” Nancy said. “Who’s this?”

“Oh I’m Jimmy, I’m Kermit’s brother,” Jimmy said.

Kermit nodded. “Yeah, you’ve seen my little nephew Robin on the show? Jimmy is Robin’s dad,” he said.

“Oh!” Nancy said. “Jimmy, your son is very talented.”

“Thank you,” Jimmy said proudly.

“So is he there too?” Nancy asked.

Kermit looked around “Yeah he’s uh...”

“He’s somewhere around here,” Jimmy said as he scanned the restaurant.

Robin hopped up in the air. “I’M OVER HERE!” he shouted.

“Oh there he is,” Jimmy said.

“Yeah, over there,” Kermit said.

“Over there. You’re so specific,” Nancy said as she rolled her eyes.

“Well did you want details?” Kermit said.

Jimmy chuckled. “He’s sitting in the third booth from the north-west wall...”

“Alright, alright,” Nancy said. “Here’s a real question now, other than Kermit, have any of you actually been to the Muppet Theater?” Miss Piggy started tapping her foot.

“Ooh! I have!” Maggie said. “I was just there a few days ago! It was really cool, I got to see them rehearse for the show a little.”

“Really? Did you see anything your brother wrote?” Nancy asked.

“Yeah, there was one song he wrote,” Maggie said.

“What did you think of it? Did you like it?” Nancy asked.

“It was good,” Maggie said with a devious twinkle in her eye. “Much better than the first song he wrote.”

Kermit cleared his throat. “Maggie?” he said quietly.

Miss Piggy started paying attention. “Kermie’s first song?” she asked.

Kermit tapped his sister’s arm. “Maggie?”

“Hasn’t he ever told you about it, Miss Piggy?” Maggie said, knowing full well he hadn’t. “Oh, you should hear it!”

“No, you shouldn’t!” Kermit said.

“You won’t sing it for us, Kermit?” Nancy said.

“No,” Kermit said.

“Why not, Kermie?” Miss Piggy asked.

“Because, um, uh, because,” Kermit said.

“Well then how are we going to hear it?” Nancy asked.

“You’re not,” Kermit said.

“I’ll sing it,” Maggie volunteered.

“No you won’t,” Kermit said.

“Yes I will!” Maggie said.

“Margaret...” Kermit said warningly.

“Yeah?” Maggie said. “I’ll sing it, I know it by heart.”

“Sing it Maggie!” Nancy said.

“I’m about to,” Maggie said. She took a deep breath.

“MARGARET THE FROG, PLEASE DON’T SING THAT SONG!” Kermit shouted.

Now even the most inattentive young frogs were paying attention.

Maggie laughed. “Miss Piggy, I wish you could see his face right now,” she said. “Alright, Mit, what will you do if I sing it?”

Kermit smiled. “Well, then I’ll just tell them how you helped Uncle Ben develop his fear of the marsh grasses.”

Maggie stared at him. “On national television?”

“On national television,” Kermit said.

There were a few quiet laughs in the otherwise silent restaurant. Everyone in the studio audience sat at the edge of their seats. A few seconds seemed to stretch on for eternity.

Finally Maggie held out her hand. “Truce?”

Kermit smiled. “For today.”

They shook hands and the restaurant burst into cheers.

 

[TogetherAgain]

Chapter fourteen

On the screen, they saw Miss Piggy turn to Nancy. “That seems to be normal for those two,” she said.

“I’m sure,” Nancy said, and she faced forward. “So Kermit, how does a huge crowd of frogs manage to get seated in a restaurant?” Miss Piggy started tapping her foot again.

“Well it’s easy when you know the owner,” Kermit said.

“Yeah we’ve been coming here for years,” Maggie said. “Jerry’s a good friend of ours.”

“There’s an understatement,” Jimmy said. “Jerry knows stuff about us that even we don’t know.”

“Does he now?” Nancy asked. “Like what?”

“I don’t know,” Kermit said. “Hey, Jerry!” he called towards the kitchen.

Jerry poked his head out. “Yes Kermit?” he asked.

“What do you know about us that we don’t?” Kermit asked.

Jerry stared at him, blinked, and then smiled. “Don’t ask,” he said with a wink. Then he turned back to the kitchen. “Your food’s ready, I’ll bring it out now.”

“Thanks Jerry,” Kermit said.

“Aw, does that mean you’re hanging up?” Nancy whined.

“Probably,” Kermit said. “Does anyone else wanna talk?”

“UNCLE KERMIT! UNCLE KERMIT!” a little frog shouted as he hurried over. “Can I talk?”

“Ask your mom,” Kermit said.

“MOMMY?” the little frog shouted.

“Yes, you can talk!” one of Kermit’s sisters called.

The little frog looked straight at the phone. “HI!” he shouted.

Miss Piggy kept tapping her foot. Nancy chuckled. “Hello,” she said. “What’s your name?”

“I’m Joey,” the little frog said, still looking straight at the phone.

“Hi Joey,” Nancy said. “How old are you?”

Joey held his hand up to the phone. “I’m THIS many!”

Kermit smiled. “How many is this many, Joey?” he said.

Joey looked at his hand and scrunched his face a little. “Um... FOUR!”

Kermit nodded. “Yeah, that’s right,” he said. “So how old are you?”

Joey held his hand up to his uncle. “This many!”

Nancy laughed. “Joey, are you a BIG frog?” she asked.

Joey looked at the phone again. “Yeah,” he said.

“You’re not a little frog?” Nancy asked.

“No, I’m big!” Joey said, still looking straight at the phone.

“So if you’re a big frog,” Nancy said, “How big is your Uncle Kermit?”

“He’s GINORMOUS!” Joey said.

Kermit smiled and put a hand on his nephew’s back. “You know Joey, if you look up there, you can see Miss Piggy and Nancy,” he said as he pointed to the television.

Joey scrunched up his face. “Who’s Nancy?”

“The woman you’ve been talking to,” Kermit said. “Look up there, you can see her.”

“Where?” Joey asked.

“On the television,” Kermit said.

Joey looked up. His jaw dropped. “YOU’RE ON TV?” he shouted.

The restaurant and the studio both resounded with laughter.

“Nancy, are you FAMOUS?” Joey asked.

“Do you think I’m famous, Joey?” Nancy asked, still laughing.

“I don’t know,” Joey said. “Miss Piggy, I know YOU’RE famous! You’re on Uncle Kermit’s show!”

Miss Piggy smiled. “Yes, moi certainly am,” she said.

Jerry emerged from the kitchen with a tray of food on each hand. “Alright, lunch time for the frogs!” he called out. He set the trays down. “You still talking to Nancy and Miss Piggy?”

“Yes, we’re still talking!” Nancy said.

“Well Nancy, we’ll have to let you go,” Jerry said. “Don’t take it personally, but I have food here for 136 frogs and I intend to serve it!”

Nancy laughed. “If you insist!” she said.

“I insist,” Jerry said. “I have four more trays to bring out.” With that, he went back into the kitchen.

“Piggy?” Kermit said.

“Yes Kermie?”

He picked the phone up, turning off the speakerphone. “I um, I just wanted to say, uh...”

On the screen, he saw her smile at him, and he knew that she knew what he was trying to say. “I miss you, Kermie,” she said.

“I miss you too, Piggy,” he said with a smile.

Nancy put a hand over her heart, mocking them. “Awwwww...” Kermit ignored her, and Miss Piggy shot her an evil glance.

“I’ll try to call the house tonight,” he said. “No promises, though.”

Miss Piggy nodded. “Alright, Kermie,” she said. “We’ll talk later?”

“Right,” he said. “Well um... goodbye...”

“Bye Kermie,” she said.

He reluctantly hung up the phone.

Maggie folded her arms across her chest and tapped her foot. “You love her, don’t you, Mit?” she said. “Come on, say it...”

Kermit looked his sister in the eyes. “Not now, Mags,” he said quietly.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~​

Nancy looked at her guest mischievously. “Well,” she said. “That was a nice little surprise.”

“Yes,” Miss Piggy sighed as she sat back in her chair. “Yes, it was.” Her mind was clearly still with her frog. She was completely oblivious to the look of contempt on Nancy’s face.

“Too bad he had to hang up,” Nancy said.

Miss Piggy nodded. “Isn’t it though?”

“Yeah it’s a real shame,” Nancy said. “Now we have to talk to you.”

Miss Piggy sat up straight. “Well isn’t that a good thing?”

“Well I guess,” Nancy said. “But face it, it’s not too often that a real star calls in on this show. I mean usually it’s just your average Jill or Joe calling in for a B-list star! But here we’ve got an A-list star calling in! I mean really, you get an A-list star on the phone, just forget about the guest. Guests are really the lower priority when you get a real star on the phone, you know? Heck, when you get anybody on the phone, the guest loses rank. The guest’s rank just plummets, right through the floor. It’s gone. The guest has no importance whatsoever!”

Miss Piggy cleared her throat and calmly stood up. “Nancy?” she said sweetly. “Moi would like to present to vous something that vous have more than earned throughout the show. HIIII-YA!”

Nancy’s eyes nearly popped out of their sockets as she lurched forward, clutching her stomach. She balanced precariously at the edge of her seat for a moment before falling to the floor.

Miss Piggy turned and flashed her sweetest smile to the camera. “Now then,” she said. “We’re going to take a teensy little break, but we’ll be right back with more of Ask Yourself with moi, Miss Piggy. Kissy kissy!”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~​

Juhl’s Pizza Place roared with applause. Jerry emerged from the kitchen with the last two trays of food. “What did I miss?” he said. “Or do you love me that much?”

“Well, yes,” Kermit said. “But you missed a well-deserved Karate-chop.”

“Ah,” Jerry said. He looked around at his frog-filled restaurant. “I don’t see James or Jane, are they here?” he asked, referring to Kermit’s parents.

“They’re at the hospital,” Kermit said. “Mom had a check-up today. She told us to get lunch.”

“Lunch isn’t the only reason she had you leave, is it?” Jerry said.

Kermit shook his head. “She doesn’t want us to see her sick,” he said quietly. “When she had chemotherapy, it used to make her sick. Now she gets nauseous just sitting in the waiting room.”

Jerry nodded, then leaned over the counter. “Can I ask you a question?” he said, a tiny glimmer in his eye signaling that the serious mood had passed.

“Sure,” Kermit said, “Go right ahead.”

“When frogs go through chemo,” Jerry said with a smile, “Do they grow hair?”

Kermit just scrunched up his face.

 

[Beauregard]

Haha! I'll tell you how amazing this ws when I get awy from school later!

 

[redBoobergurl]

Love it, love it, hug it, love it! I'm so happy Nancy got the well deserved karate chop! I had been wanting to strangle her for most of the chapter! More great family interaction with Kermit and the other frogs. And Jerry....
Great chapters, worth the wait.

 

[Beauregard]

Amamazing, amazing! Especialy the chop which I wanted togive her soooo long ago!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Katzi428]

Amamazing, amazing! Especialy the chop which I wanted togive her soooo long ago!!!!!!!!!!

You & me both, Gardy...you & me.

 

[theprawncracker]

Finnaly Nancy got a chop! I knew it was coming!

Great chapter Lisa!

And great reference to the late Mr. Juhl.

 

[redBoobergurl]

Ok, I know you had Rosh Hashana this week, so you didn't have time, but it's over now right? So, when do we get more story? I'm doing what you always do to the rest of us, I want more!!!!

Seriously though, I know you're busy, but when you get some time to update, that would be awesome!