T*K*O (Starring: MrsPepper, Vic Romano, That Announcer, D'Snowth, TogetherAgain, and Vibs) Episode #: 17 Title: “Taking it On the Spam” Original Airdate: 03-Dec-2005 Written by: ThePrawnCracker, D’Snowth Created by: MrsPepper Guest Stars: AnythingMuppet It was another rainy day at the 3976th ½. No one was happy, except D’Snowth. Everyone was killing threads AS usual. Vic stepped out of his office, and over to That Announcer’s office. VIC ROMANO: Hey TA, I’ve got a great idea of how… That Announcer’s office was empty, and his computer was turned off. VIC ROMANO: Hey, where is he? D’Snowth! Vic rushed down to D’Snowth’s office. D’Snowth was busy checking out his new hat. It was a green army hat with a gold star on it. VIC ROMANO: Hey DS, where’s That… D’SNOWTH: (Interrupting) Hey Vic, check it out! I’VE got a gold star! VIC ROMANO: (Not really listening) Yeah, yeah, yeah, that’s nice but… (Double take) Hey, how’d YOU get a gold star?! D’SNOWTH: I killed a thread SOO bad at the ToonZone forums, it got deleted! VIC ROMANO: (Shocked) No way! What did you do? What did you do? D’SNOWTH: Eh, nothin’ much, I just got into a fight with someone who said they’d like to see Denny Siegel fight Kathy Greenwood to the death, and hoping Denny came out winner, you know how that is! VIC ROMANO: D’Snowth, is Kathy Greenwood ALL you think about? D’Snowth stood up. *Cue “Hoedown” tune*. D’SNOWTH: (Singing) I love Kathy Greenwood because she’s so rad/she doesn’t get respect, I think that’s very sad/whenever I see her, my world goes to mute/she is very funny and she’s also very cute! VIC ROMANO: (Not interested) D’Snowth, where is That Announcer?! D’SNOWTH: (Looking through files) O’Keefe…O’Keefe…O’Keefe…oh yes. (Reads file) Oh yeah, he’s earned his two weeks vacation! VIC ROMANO: He has? Oh, well, I’ll see him around then I guess. (Walks out of office) A gold star just for sticking up for a dumb blonde? He must be a president’s pet or something. Later that day, TogetherAgain stumbled upon some rather unusual threads. All having to do with big sales, and huge savings. TOGETHERAGAIN: (Calling out the office) VIC! VIC ROMANO: (Calling from office) YEAH, WHAT’S WRONG? TOGETHERAGAIN: (Calling out of office) I think you better take a look at this. Vic walked out his office, and entered TogetherAgain’s. VIC ROMANO: What’s wrong? TOGETHERAGAIN: Look. Vic took a look at her screen. The forum was filled with SPAM! That’s right, spam! Not just an insult to macaroni and cheese, but annoying computer ads. Vic looked closer; there was spam for Foot Locker, Washers and Dryers, Football Jerseys, and all other sorts of spam. VIC ROMANO: Dang what’s with this dude? TOGETHERAGAIN: You think you should tell MrsPepper? VIC ROMANO: Yeah, I better go tell her. Vic rushed out off TogetherAgain’s office, and into D’Snowth’s office. Commercial Break Moments later, Vic was standing in D’Snowth’s office, trying to get his attention. VIC ROMANO: D’Snowth? D’Snowth! I need to see MrsPepper, right away!!! D’SNOWTH: (Playing with new hat and star) Yeah yeah, go right in. With that, Vic went into MrsPepper’s office. MrsPepper was busy writing out a new file on stricter rules and regulations. VIC ROMANO: MrsPepper? MRSPEPPER: (Startled) AH! VIC! Don’t do that! (Wipes forehead) Well, what’s the problem?! VIC ROMANO: There’s a spam attack on MC! You better check it out… MrsPepper logged onto Muppet Central, and was overwhelmed when she saw spam after spam after spam. MRSPEPPER: Oh my gosh! I’ve never seen such! I better get onto this, get back into your office, and wait for orders. VIC ROMANO: Yes Ma’am! Vic dashed out of the office, back down the hallway, and into his office. MrsPepper got onto the intercom to page D’Snowth. D’Snowth was still busy playing with his new hat and gold star. MRSPEPPER: (Over intercom) D’Snowth? D’Snowth? D’SNOWTH PICK UP! D’SNOWTH: Oh! (Picks up) Yeah boss? MRSPEPPER: D’Snowth, there’s a plaque of spam going on the forum right now I need you to… BOTH: Get on the horn and order everyone to stay alert and to kill the spam by any means necessary. MRSPEPPER: Thanks, D’Snowth!/D’SNOWTH: You’re welcome MrsPepper. MRSPEPPER: (Hangs up) How DOES he do that?! D’Snowth flipped on the microphone, causing too much feedback as usual. TogetherAgain grabbed her ears in pain. D’SNOWTH: (Over PA) Attention all personnel, besides the fact that I now have a gold star, there is a number of spam reports all over the forum. Stay alert, and kill as much spam as you can. That is all. VIC ROMANO: (Starts killing) Hmm, piece of cake! TOGHETHERAGAIN: (Starts killing) No problemo! Vic and TogetherAgain started killing the spam threads, but each time they killed a spam thread, two new ones would be posted. The spam was slowly taking over the forum, until every single new thread or unread thread for anyone was nothing but spam. MRSPEPPER: And who has time for spam? Not us certainly. MRSPEPPER: You’ve got that right, if this spam keeps up, there’s the possibility one of our computer will be shut down. (Picks up phone) D’Snowth? D’Snowth?! QUIT PLAYING WITH THAT STAR, AND PICK UP! (Hangs up and madly sighs). MrsPepper stormed out of her office, and into D’Snowth’s, where she snatched his hat. D’SNOWTH: HEY! MRSPEPPER: IF YOU DON’T QUIT PLAYING WITH THIS THING, YOU’LL BE SUSPENDED, AND NEVER RECEIVE ANOTHER GOLD STAR UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES! NOW GET ON HORN, QUIT SKIVING OFF YOUR DUTIES, AND HELP EVERYONE KILL THIS SPAM! D’SNOWTH: OKAY! MRSPEPPER: AND DON’T TALK BACK TO ME! D’SNOWTH: I’M SORRY! MRSPEPPER: GOOD! MrsPepper gave him back his hat, and stormed back into her office. D’Snowth quickly adjusted the gold star’s position, and got back on the PA system. D’SNOWTH: Attention all personnel, the spam is increasing at an alarming rate, all shifts… MRSPEPPER: (Interrupting on back-up PA) Ten-hut! The is your C.E.O., MrsPepper. I’m afraid this spam is too much for you all to handle, so I’m having to call in a professional… ALL: Professional?! Seconds later there was a ring at the door, and MrsPepper and D’Snowth opened the door to reveal what looked like a real computer geek. MRSPEPPER: Ah, AM! D’SNOWTH: AM? MRSPEPPER: D’Snowth, this is our technical advisor, and technician, AnythingMuppet! ANYTHINGMUPPET: Pleasure to meet you Snowthy! D’SNOWTH: Nice to me YOU, ugh, Any! MRSPEPPER: If you’ll just follow me, we can get to the bottom of this! So AnythingMuppet and D’Snowth followed MrsPepper into her office. She sat AnythingMuppet down to her computer, and instructed him to kill the spam. With enthusiasm, AnythingMuppet logged onto Muppet Central, and faster than a cheetah chasing a jack rabbit… ANYTHINGMUPPET: Done! MRSPEPPER AND D’SNOWTH: Done?! ANYTHINGMUPPET: Done! D’SNOWTH: How did you do it? ANYTHINGMUPPET: Oh, it’s quite simple Snowthmeister; you simply alert the moderators and administrators, while driving others away from the spam, and sending nasty messages to the spammer. It’s a very delicate operation that normal people aren’t technically equipped for. MRSPEPPER: (To D’Snowth) I told you this was a job to big for you all to handle! (Back to AnythingMuppet) Well AM, thank you very much for your help! ANYTHINGMUPPET: My pleasure MrsP! See ya around Snowthy! D’SNOWTH: “Snowthy”? MRSPEPPER: Ah, well, now everything’s taken care of, we can get back to what we’re good at. D’SNOWTH: “Snowthmeister”? Commercial Break D’Snowth was still playing with his new hat and gold star when… MRSPEPPER: (Calling from her office) D’Snowth, get in here! D’SNOWTH: Uh-oh. (Pops head in door) Y-y-y-y-y-es? MRSPEPPER: Come in, come in. You remember that thread you told me about over at that ToonZone forum? You know the one that you killed so bad it got deleted? D’SNOWTH: Yeah? MRSPEPPER: Is this it? D’SNOWTH: (Reading the screen) “What women would you like to see wrestle?” Yeah that’s it! (Double take) Hey, they didn’t delete it after all, and where’s MY post? MRSPEPPER: Well well well, it seems that it merely has been locked. D’Snowth, I’ve got a good mind to recall your gold star, BUT, you did make an effort to stand up for what you believe in, so you can keep it! D’SNOWTH: (Relieved) Oh? Well, that’s a relief! Besides, I think I growing to this entire hat! THE END In Loving Memory of: bobhopesite (1933 – 2005) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Apologies to the folks at Whose Line Is It Anyway? for stealing a hoedown, even though the lyrics were original!