T*K*O Episode #: 1 Title: “The Recruit” Original Airdate: 23-Jun-2005 Written By: D’Snowth Created By: MrsPepper Gueststars: KermieBaby47, and Beauregard as the custodian Our story opens today at T*K*O headquarters, where president MrsPepper, and vice president, D’Snowth call a sudden staff meeting in the conference room. That Announcer and Vic Romano were busy doing what they do best…killing threads, when they got the call. With that, they headed to the open doors of the conference room. VIC ROMANO: Boy, they haven’t called a staff meeting since your success with the weather thread. THAT ANNOUNCER: Well hey, I never imagined that it would become a hot topic, most people are always complaining about the weather. *Laugh track* Moments later, That Announcer, and Vic Romano were seated at a long wooden table. At the head of the table, D’Snowth was standing next to a large chair, at the head. The chair turned around to reveal MrsPepper. MRSPEPPER: Welcome dear friends! VIC ROMANO: Friends? That’s more like it! *Laugh track* MRSPEPPER: I’ve called you all here, because D’Snowth and I have come to the conclusion that we need new members. D’SNOWTH: (Interrupting) Either that, or a smaller building. *Laugh track* MRSPEPPER: Ahem…with that, I’m putting you two in charge of recruiting new members. D’SNOWTH: Recruit! MRSPEPPER: So, here’s you new assignment… D’SNOWTH: New assignment! MRSPEPPER: (Getting annoyed) Anyway…your new assignment is to search the Muppet Central Forums, and find some more members who seem to kill threads. D’SNOWTH: Kill threads! *Laugh track* MRSPEPPER: If you find someone who has a large amount of zero-replied threads and/or confessed that they’re a thread killer, then e-mail them our special membership form. D’SNOWTH: Membership form! *Laugh track* MRSPEPPER: But when you do, make sure you tell them that we’re a private club, and not to tell anyone else about it. D’SNOWTH: Don’t tell anyone! *Laugh track* MRSPEPPER: And if D’Snowth doesn’t stop mimicking me, I’ll kill more than his threads… D’SNOWTH: Kill D’Snowth! (*laugh track*, doubletake)….oops…. MRSPEPPER: D’Snowth, I’ll see you later. As for you two…start recruiting! With that, That Announcer, and Vic Romano went to their offices, and began searching the forums, while D’Snowth…………………anyway... Later, the custodian, Beauregard, came down the hall, with their beverages. BEAUREGARD: Here you go guys, iced tea! THAT ANNOUNCER: Alright! Thanks Gardy! VIC ROMANO: Aww, iced tea again? BEAUREGARD: Sorry, Vic, but that’s all that’s been submitted to the menu! VIC ROMANO: What, congress passed a law, all of the sudden, we have to “submit” what we want to the menu? *Laugh track* BEAUREGARD: I don’t make the news, I just report it! (*Laugh track*) Now, if you’ll excuse me, D’Snowth had another accident! *Laugh track* Commercial break. As morning became noon, and noon became afternoon, Vic Romano seemed to have found the perfect new member. VIC ROMANO: I’ve got it! THAT ANNOUNCER: (Enters Vic’s office) Got what? VIC ROMANO: I’ve got the new member…read this… That Announcer peaked at Vic’s computer screen and began reading a post. THAT ANNOUNCER: “Cool! I too, am a "thread killa'". I don't post much, but boy, when I do...BANG! That thread is dead.” VIC ROMANO: Posted by KermieBaby47. THAT ANNOUNCER: Sound like T*K*O material to me! Let’s go see that big boss man! VIC ROMANO: I don’t think MRSPepper would like being addressed as “Big Boss Man” *Laugh Track* Moments later, That Announcer and Vic stepped into D’Snowth’s office, where the T*K*O’s vice president was searching the forum…with an ice block strapped to his head. *Laugh track* THAT ANNOUNCER: Hey DS! What’s up! D’SNOWTH: You mean besides gas prices? *Laugh track* VIC ROMANO: Um, what’s with the ice block? D’SNOWTH: Well, let’s just say, it’s not that easy bein’ a CFO. *Laugh track* VIC ROMANO: We’d like to see MrsPepper, we believe we’ve found the perfect new member. THAT ANNOUNCER: Just blurted out about being a thread killer! VIC ROMANO: Read this… Vic hands D’Snowth the printed thread by KermieBaby47. D’SNOWTH: (Silently reading the print-out) Wow, this IS a thread killa…just what we need for T*K*O! (Pushes intercom button) MrsPepper…? MRSPEPPER: (Over intercom) What is it D’Snowth? D’SNOWTH: Vic and That Announcer would like to see you. MRSPEPPER: For… D’SNOWTH: They’ve found THE perfect new member. MRSPEPPER: (Perks up) Oh, well, send them in! D’SNOWTH: Alright guys, go right on in! VIC ROMANO: Thanks, Mr. Vice! THAT ANNOUNCER: Oh yeah DS, you’re ice is melting on you new M*A*S*H throw-rug. *Laugh track* D’SNOWTH: AW SHOOT! (*Laugh track*) And it was in mint condition! (*Laugh track*) Later, That Announcer and Vic were inside the large, luxurious office of T*K*O CEO, MrsPepper. MRSPEPPER: Well, D’Snowth tells me you two have found the perfect new member. THAT ANNOUNCER: Yeah! VIC ROMANO: Check this out. (Hand MrsPepper the print-out) MRSPEPPER: Ahh, yes, KermieBaby47 would be a lovely addition to our family… THAT ANNOUNCER: (Whispering to Vic) Huh, this morning we were only friends. *Laugh track* MRSPEPPER: Anyway, Vic, since you’re the recruiter, send this form out to KermieBaby, and That Announcer, get back to killing those threads! Commercial Break. Later, That Announcer and Vic brought a nervous KermieBaby into D’Snowth’s office. D’Snowth, apparently was busy with OTHER things on his computer. D’SNOWTH: (Not noticing them) Oh Lizzie, you’re so hot, you make the sun seem cold… *Hysterical Laugh Track* THAT ANNOUNCER: Excuse us, lover boy… *Laugh Track continues* D’SNOWTH: (Stunned) Huh?! Oh, it’s you guys. (Clears throat, and wipes sweat off). Are you (looks at his file) KermieBaby47? KERMIEBABY47: That’s me! D’SNOWTH: Ah yes, MrsPepper will see you now…oh and Vic, you’ve just been negociated a little raise for your find. VIC ROMANO: All right! Yeah! THAT ANNOUNCER: What about me? D’SNOWTH: (Flips page) Iced tea has been taken off the menu, due to budget cuts…toward Vic’s raise. *Laugh track* THAT ANNOUNCER: Aw man, now I have to make my own! Later in MrsPepper’s office. MRSPEPPER: Well KermieBaby, after viewing your Muppet Central stats, and reading this interesting post of your’s, we would like to welcome you aboard the T*K*O team. KERMIEBABY: What’s the catch? MRSPEPPER: There is no catch, you just help us complete our mission. (Stands up and salutes, as a cliché flag appears behind her) To kill as many threads as we can, for we are Thread Killas Organization, we must uphold…(“Yankee Doodle Dandy is being played)…our true calling, for we have started many threads that have been ignored, posted many replies, that people don’t care to read. Here at T*K*O, we take that fact into pride, as we… KERMIEBABY: Excuse me…(Yankee Doodle Dandy cuts) MRSPEPPER: (No longer in front of cliché flag) Yes? KERMIEBABY: Who’s playing the fife? *Laugh Track* MRSPEPPER: (Clears throat and sits back down) So anyway, do you believe you can live up to our expectations? KERMIEBABY: Hey, I’m proud to call myself a thread killa, even though I don’t post THAT much. MRSPEPPER: Wonderful! You’ll be our new Union Thread Killer, and will report to work tomorrow! Now then, on your way out, our Vice President, D’Snowth will show you around, and get you settled in your new office. THE END Catch the next new episode next Thursday!