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The 5ive Present: The Muppet's vs. Las Vegas

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Beauregard, Sep 26, 2005.

  1. Beauregard

    Beauregard Well-Known Member

    For those who know the story this will be a cimatic event, the unveiling of the screenplay from many moons ago.

    For those who don't, catch up here: http://forum.muppetcentral.com/showthread.php?t=4525

    Who Framed Kermit the Frog became: Muppet Vs. Las Vegas, and it is finaly here for your enjoyment.

    Created by The 5ive. Sarah_Yzma. Super Scooter. Beaurgeard (that's me folks). Salmoto. And Pezbulah.

    This screenplay is brought to you by permission of all the writers...
  2. Beauregard

    Beauregard Well-Known Member

    The Muppet's Vs. Las Vegas


    SCENE 1

    The camera pans slowly across a crowded casino hall. A pack of rats in sailor outfits occupy one table with a real goldfish in a bowl playing, naturally, Go Fish. On another table, CHIP is the dealer, LINK, SCOOTER, POPS, J. P. GROSS and various human cameos including JOHN CLEESE and/or CHEVEY CHASE, are playing blackjack. There's a big payoff and everyone cheers, spilling poker chips everywhere. CLIFFORD wanders across the screen in the opposite direction carrying a bucket of poker chips.

    CLIFFORD
    Gonna’ buy me a new bucket.​

    Pans round to a penguin bartender serving penguin patrons drinks at a bar shaped like an iceberg.

    PENGUIN 1
    I’ll have iced water!​

    PENGUIN 2 (Bar tender)
    Here you are.​

    A large chunk of ice flies out of the bar onto table.


    VARIOUS PENGUINS
    Ha, ha, ha, ha.​

    PENGUIN 1
    Well, excuse me for living.​

    Finally, the panning ends at a location somewhere in the center of the casino, and draws into the stage area, where a puppet casually plays piano and JOHNNY FIAMMA finishes singing his patented song "Fly me To The Moon, But Stop in Vegas First." there's modest clapping around the stage and JOHNNY wipes his brow.

    JOHNNY
    Thank you, thank you, don't forget to tip your
    waitress......Next show in 20 minutes.​

    SAL wanders on stage in the same outfit the waiters and dealers are wearing.

    SAL
    Okay, Johnny, I got that nasty spill at table 13 under control, and I fired the guy who caused it. ​

    JOHNNY
    Great work, Sal. You can go home the rest of the night if you like, I had Mama bake you a nice banana-bread.​

    SAL
    Really? Oh thanks Johnny, I really appreciate it, you done a lot for us lately and I'm just so glad that you--​

    JOHNNY
    (Leans in close)​
    Sal, get outta here.....​

    SAL
    Right, Right....​

    SAL walks off the stage. JOHNNY wanders down towards the piano but SAL runs back in.

    SAL
    Johnny! Johnny!​

    JOHNNY
    Sal, I thought I gave you the night off.​

    SAL
    I know, but just as I was about to leave, some shady looking characters approached me in the parking lot. Said they wanted to see you.​

    JOHNNY
    Well, send them in, and make yourself not so scarce.​

    SAL
    You got it, Johnny. ​

    SAL walks away and JOHNNY is approached by a group of Muppets in white trenchcoats, shot from behind as to not reveal their identity.

    MUPPET 1
    We’re here to let you in on a big score that’s about to go down. We need a talk with your boss.​

    JOHNNY
    Waitaminnit, my boss?​

    MUPPET 2 (Clueless Morgan)
    Yeah, you know, your Don, your consigliore, your poobah.​

    JOHNNY
    Hey, that’s just a sad stereotype, now you guys get out of here ‘fore I call the boss that gets you thrown out of this casino.​

    The thugs walk off. As they pass a table where Scooter is sat they dump an open newspaper in front of him. On the open page an advertisement is circled in blue pen.

    SAL returns carrying a carton of donuts, one in his hand and a little strawberry frosting on his lips.

    JOHNNY
    Sal, where’d you go off to?​

    SAL
    To get the donuts like you said. ​

    JOHNNY
    I didn’t say nothing.​

    SAL
    Sure you did, “Make yourself not so scarce” means that you want me to go out and get donuts. ​

    JOHNNY​

    That’s not a code, it means what it sounds like: I want you to stay here.​

    SAL
    Oh​
    (beat)​
    Want an apple fritter?​

    CUT TO:
  3. G-MAN

    G-MAN Active Member

    Oh, man this is good.
  4. Whatever

    Whatever Active Member

    It's good! I like it! I want some more of it! :zany: :cool: :D
    I love me some Penguins!
  5. Beauregard

    Beauregard Well-Known Member

    SCENE 2

    (Note: Opening credits fall over this scene.)

    EXT-SUMMERS DAY-OUTSIDE KERMIT’S HOUSE-BIRDS SING

    KERMIT’s house is a bright house that looks very much like the boarding house from MUPPET’S FROM SPACE. It has a front lawn with a path through the middle of it. On either side of the lawn are green bushes. A neighbour is clipping one of these. At the front of his house is a small porch. Various Muppets are walking down the street and driving past in cars. There are various Muppet Chickens and Penguins and a Muppet Cow next door on the lawn.

    KERMIT steps out onto his porch and looks around. He yawns and walks carefreely down toward his mailbox


    KERMIT

    Hmmm. Wow! It's a gorgeous day. And soon we will start our show again down at the Pollywog café. Yep everything is fine and dandy.

    KERMIT

    (sings)​
    What a wonderful day it is today...
    Happy faces smiling,
    The bluebirds calling out to say,
    (joined by surrounding creatures and Muppets)
    "Oh, what a beautiful day!"
    (by himself)​
    The day is going well.
    So many things to say, to ask
    How you doin' Mel?

    MEL is the neighbour clipping the hedge, a female puppet with gardening clothes on. OR MEL GIBSON with a large straw hat on.

    MEL

    Oh, fine.

    KERMIT

    All the people and creatures around you...
    Oh, the people that you meet.
    So many friendly, smiling faces
    And warmth as you greet.

    Oh, the nightlife may be neat
    Some would say it grand!
    But here we go, another day going
    Take it band!
    Instrumental played mainly by neighbour with the hedge clippers, and by other various Muppets with makeshift instruments up and down the street, such as a street sweeper with his brush, and a window cleaner with his ladder etc, while KERMIT dances about.

    KERMIT

    Sometimes could be better
    Oh, the things that we know!
    But, what's the point to better
    When we have a day like this to show!
    (joined by surrounding
    creatures and Muppets)​
    One beautiful day!
    (by himself)​
    Gorgeous and serine!
    (joined by surrounding creatures and Muppets)​
    One beautiful day!
    (by himself)​
    For every mammal, bird, and
    (a fish drives past in a taxi and
    KERMIT shrugs his shoulders)​
    sardine!
    Oh, one fine day
    So much to do
    One more day
    To sing with you.
    He collects his letters as the song ends and finds one particular letter.

    KERMIT

    Bills, bills, ah. This looks interesting.
    (opens letter)​
    Dear Mr. The Frog, I regret to inform you that I have recently discovered that you will be framed for counterfeiting in the near, near future! Please, please, please try to figure this out before it happens. Your friend, J.Henson.

    Who's J. Henson? Er,
    (reading again)​
    "P.S. I've got a few pointers for you on your back swing. Try to keep it more loose?" What the-?
    Before KERMIT can finish his sentence, GONZO comes falling out of the sky and lands next to him. GONZO stands up laughing. He is wearing his GONZO the great clothes and his cape is on fire.

    GONZO

    Whoo-hoo! Hahahaha! That was amazing. That has got to be the furthest distance I've made with a cannon in years! Hahahaha! Whoo! Oh, hi Kermit. What's new? Ha ha!

    KERMIT

    Er, Gonzo? What are you doing?

    GONZO

    My heart's racing at an un-imaginable pace! Ha ha ha ha!

    KERMIT

    Er, Gonzo, your cape is on fire!

    GONZO

    Hmm? Oh, I know. It's for effect. Ha ha ha ha!
    GONZO rushes into the house and emerges moments later with ordinary clothes on.

    KERMIT

    Yeesh! Well, anyway, Gonzo, I need you to go find Rizzo and tell him to meet me at the Pollywog cafe. Er, I need to talk to you too.

    GONZO

    Oh, no problem, Kermit. I'll get right on it. What’s up?

    KERMIT

    Well I got a weird letter.

    GONZO

    Weird, huh, maybe I’m related! Ha, ha.

    KERMIT

    Can you go and get Rizzo?

    GONZO

    Oh yes. But first, I wonder if I can hit the chimney!!! Ha ha ha ha!

    GONZO runs off.

    KERMIT
    Yeesh! I'd better call Fozzie about this.
    KERMIT walks back into his house.

    CUT TO

    SCENE 3

    SHOT OF NEWSPAPER

    Picture of a large mansion. The caption underneath reads: "Looking for: Go-fer who won't ask questions. Just look for this building!" SCOOTER lowers the paper to reveal a rather small, down-trodden house.

    SCOOTER​

    For some reason, I pictured it looking a little bigger.​

    CUT TO

    INT. DARK ROOM

    All that can be seen is a desk and a chair. No one can be seen in the room except a hand stroking a white cat that is sat on the arm of the chair. There is a KNOCK at the door and SCOOTER peeks his head in.

    SCOOTER​
    Er, excuse me?

    MAN​
    (unseen)​
    Yes, what is it?

    SCOOTER​
    Hi, I'm Scooter. I'm your new go-fer.

    MAN​
    Go-fer? You don't even look like a go- oh, yes! The go-fer I put the ad out for. Come in.​

    SCOOTER enters and sits down at the desk. He is quite obviously smaller than the desk, and can barely look over it when he sits down. He looks round the edge and sees the cat. SCOOTER can't help but stare as the man strokes the fur on the cat's back.

    MAN
    Um, what do you think you looking at?

    SCOOTER
    Hmmm? Oh, uh, I think that cat is... I think it's staring at me.

    MAN
    I think that's because you're staring at Mr. Schnookums.

    SCOOTER
    ... OH! Sorry. Well, I just think that I could get kind of- AH-CHOOOOO!!!

    MAN
    What about me?

    SCOOTER
    Huh?

    MAN
    You said, "I could get kind of... something something... at you." You could get what at me?

    SCOOTER
    Oh, no! I sneezed, I'm allergic to cats.

    MAN
    Ri-ght. So, shall we get back to our interview now?

    SCOOTER
    Didn't we already do that?

    MAN
    (impatient)​
    What now about my cat?

    SCOOTER
    Nothing. I said that.

    MAN
    Look, it is only here as a brief reference to 006 and a half.

    SCOOTER
    Oh, in that case, we had better get on with the real movie.

    MAN
    (still unseen)​
    Quite. Okay, Scooter, you have two hands I assume?

    SCOOTER
    Er, yeah? I... suppose so.

    MAN
    Welcome aboard, Scooter. You're our new go-fer.

    SCOOTER
    Beg pardon?

    MAN
    You're our new go-fer.

    SCOOTER looks around kind of awkwardly.

    SCOOTER
    Er, isn't that a little fast?

    MAN
    Fast? No, no, no, Mr. Scooter. In this line of work, fast is imperative.
    (muttering)​
    If one could convince one’s wife that, things would be...

    SCOOTER
    Er, okay. Um, could I make a suggestion?

    MAN
    Yes, what is it?

    SCOOTER
    Er, if I'm going to be coming in here frequently, could you get a lower desk?

    MAN
    (angry)​
    What? My desk is fine.

    He slams hand down on cat’s tail and the cats yelps and runs off.

    MAN
    Wait, wait, Schnookums. Come back, Daddy isn’t angry at you. Schnookums!!!
    CUT TO
  6. Whatever

    Whatever Active Member

    Ooh, suspense. I loved the part with Gonzo!
  7. Beauregard

    Beauregard Well-Known Member

    Trivia for the day: The opening song, out of interest, was entirely by Super Scooter.

    And trivia 2: Salmoto wrote the entire first scene, except the exchange with the penguins.
  8. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    This is awesome Beau can't wait for more!:D
  9. Beauregard

    Beauregard Well-Known Member

    Ok. An extra scene due to popular yelling.

    __


    SCENE 4

    INT-KITCHEN-DAY


    The kitchen is slightly messy. There are joke books on the counters and there is a phone on the wall.

    EMILY BEAR is fussing around the kitchen.

    EMILY BEAR​
    (To camera while cleaning the mess)​
    I'll tell ya, I am so happy. My son has finally made it into show biz. One of his childhood dreams come true. It’s been one of my dreams too...
    (beat)​
    Anything to get Fozzie out’a here for a while so I can clean up this mess.
    Door BURSTS open to reveal FOZZIE BEAR complete with large glasses and fake nose (Like in TMM) in his hand is a joke book.

    FOZZIE​
    Haaaa! Hey, Ma! Just listen to this joke: Why didn't the piglet like his teacher? Give up? Because she was such a BOAR!
    (beat)​
    Get it? Bore, like boredom? Boar, like hog? HAAAA! WOCKA WOCKA!!...”

    EMILY BEAR​
    Yer, I get it.
    (beat)​
    I wish I could give it back.

    FOZZIE​
    Oh, wait, wait, wait! I’ve got another one. Ah! What do you cook MY food in? Give up? A WOK-a WOK-a! Ah! Get it? Wocka Wocka! Like, the chinese frying pan? Oh, I am so FUN-NEE! Oh, oh, and, what do you get when you cook a pig in a wok? Give up? Chop Sooey! Ah! Oh, I got a million more just like it!
    FOZZIE BEAR walks out the back door

    EMILY BEAR​
    See what I mean?
    Phone RINGS

    EMILY BEAR picks up phone

    EMILY BEAR​
    Hello, Bear residence.
    (beat)​
    No, Bear with a B.
    (beat)​
    Oh, Hello Kermit.
    (beat)​
    No, he just ran through and told some kind of a pig joke.
    (beat)​
    What's the matter, Froggie? You sound kinda’ green
    (beat)​
    Well, if I can get him to put that rubber chicken down long enough, I'll tell him.
    (beat)​
    You take care too, Kermit. Bye now.
    EMILY BEAR hangs up phone

    EMILY BEAR​
    He's a cute lizard.
    (beat)
    Fozzie! Fozzie!
    FOZZIE BEAR comes in the door with a rubber chicken

    FOZZIE​
    Hey, Ma. Check this out!
    (To rubber chicken)​
    Hey, who was that girl I saw you with last night?
    FOZZIE shakes chicken and changes his voice to pretend the chicken answers

    FOZZIE​
    That was no girl, that was a tire!' Wocka, Wocka, get it, Tire, Rubber!!!

    EMILY BEAR​
    That was unBEARable.

    FOZZIE​
    Ok, three rubber chickens walk into a bar...

    EMILY BEAR​
    Look Fozzie can’t you be sensible?
    (beat)​
    What a stupid question. I should know him better than that. Fozzie, Kermit called. He wants to meet you down at the Pollywog café.”

    FOZZIE​
    Why didn’t you say so?
    FOZZIE BEAR runs out side, then slips his head back through the cat flap.

    FOZZIE​

    Wait a minute you just DID say so. Ahhh.
    FOZZIE BEAR pulls his head out of the cat flap and GAFFER runs through the kitchen and out the cat flap after him.

    EMILY BEAR​
    Sometimes he’s too much to BEAR.

    CUT TO



    Trivia Spot: This scene was the only scene which had the Fozzie dialouge tweaked by our very own Fozzie Bear!!!! Specifically the line: "Wish Icould give it back." and "A Woc-a!"
  10. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    Ahh! That's funny!

    Heh, that's my Fozzie impression. I know you probably can't tell since I'm typing it and all but...
  11. Beauregard

    Beauregard Well-Known Member

    SCENE 5

    OUTSIDE CAFÉ-SAME DAY


    The café is on the outskirts of Vegas. It looks a bit shabby. The sign is creaking and reads, ‘Pollywog café. Owned and run by The Electric Mayhem, for lack of anything better to do.’ The door is falling off and assign is hanging on it saying, ‘Go round the other side.’ Camera pans round to other side of the café and it is bright and shiny and new looking. There are some large windows with Pollywog Café painted on them. Placed in the windows are various musical instruments from The Muppet Show.

    ROWLF is standing outside the café. There is a light breeze. Two birds and WALDO C. GRAPHIC fly past.

    ROWLF

    (singing)​
    Oh, It's opening time again...
    And once more we'll face the crowd
    Of people who all come here. You won't
    Find a sign saying "No Dog's Alowed".


    ANIMAL

    (running past)​
    No Dogs! No Dogs! No Dogs! No Dogs!

    FLOYD

    (getting dragged behind him)​
    No, Animal! Stop! Cease! Halt!
    CUBA GOODING JR runs past the other way.

    CUBA GOODING JR.

    And it’s Snow Dogs, Snow Dogs, Snow Dogs.
    ROWLF looks into the camera and shrugs his shoulders.

    ROWLF

    Well, you know what they say, sing a stupid song...
    ROWLF heads into the cafe where things are jamming! There are bright colourful lights. Around the café are round tables. On the walls are memorabilia from the other Muppet Films and The Muppet Show. Most of the memorabilia is musical based. There are also some photos up of various Muppet musicians, (including the Muppet Musicians of Bremen.) The Electric Mayhem are playing.

    DR. TEETH

    Come on down to the polywog cafe! Home of the hits that tingle your tastebuds, and rock your mind!
    (singing)​
    We ain't got no customers,
    But we don't care!
    Cause down in the café the food is great
    And the music blares!

    FLOYD

    Scooby and Shaggy came here one day
    But they didn't have a clue!
    No, They didn’t know the food was fine
    And, man, the ladies too!

    JANICE

    Oh, rully!

    ZOOT

    What?

    SWEDISH CHEF

    Ve daint gort no custumers,
    Vert ve no care,
    Caase dern et cafa t ferd es grete,
    En de vermusic blare, de blip, blip, blip.

    PEPE

    Break it down! Ok?
    (PEPE goes into a little dance.)​

    BEAUREGARD

    I’m here sweeping up and clearing.
    I hang around here all day.
    And when we get ONE customer,
    We all shout...

    ALL

    Hooray!!!

    BIRDS ON WINDOW SILL

    Come on down to the bop-shoo-bop...
    Come on down to the bop-shoo-bop...
    Come on down to the bop-shoo-bop
    Pollywog Cafe!

    MUPPETS

    What???

    BIRD#1
    (un-sung)​
    Hey, dat'll be tree fifty fer de chorus line!
    The birds are met with a bombardment of pots, pans, and vegetables. They all fly off screaming.

    DR. TEETH

    Things are really rockin' down here!
    Don't be afraid o' comin' near!

    FLOYD

    The place is fine,
    The music is clear!

    JANICE

    We’re Playin' and jammin'!

    LEW ZELAND

    And the fish are all flyin'!
    Pause for effect.

    PEPE

    Coffee's brewin' strong
    We are open all day long!

    ALL

    No customers!
    No business,
    But we don't care!

    BEAUREGARD

    We ain't got no customers.

    ROWLF

    But we don't really care!

    PEPE

    The food stuffs is great, ok.

    DR TEETH

    And the music blares!

    ALL

    Pollywog, Caféeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiieeeeeee.

    ANIMAL

    Pollywog, Wallypog, silly dog ha, ha, ha.

    KERMIT, FOZZIE BEAR, GONZO, and RIZZO enter walking into the café.

    KERMIT

    Hey, gang.

    ALL

    Hi, Kermit!

    FOZZIE

    (looks at GONZO and RIZZO; jokingly)​
    We don’t get no respect.

    KERMIT

    Still not much custom

    BEAUREGARD

    Nope, we’re going to have to close if something doesn’t happen soon.

    FLOYD

    No man, we won’t have to do that. So, Kermit, how’s that show you got planned for next month here? You still doin’ that ain’t you? We have nearly got the stage finished.

    C.U. Of Dozers building a stage alogn one wall of the cafe.

    DR. TEETH

    With that show, business’d be booming and money’d be flowing! He he he he he!

    JANICE

    Like, fer sure, rully!

    FLOYD

    Yeah! I want my honey to be able to swim in that nice green stuff!

    RIZZO

    Hey, you’re talkin’ to a frog here, buddy. He swims in green stuff all the time, it is kinda’ a sensitive subject.

    KERMIT

    Rizzo. No really, it’s coming along soon, guys. I hope business gets better for you.
    BEAUREGARD walks past with cloth and start washing the front window.

    BEAUREGARD
    Oh, thanks, Kermit.
    All the others except KERMIT, GONZO, RIZZO and FOZZIE wonder away.

    GONZO

    Hey, I've got a great idea for my new act! I play a gargling eel zither while riding a one-wheeled unicycle 100 and 50 feet above a flaming concrete floor!

    RIZZO

    Getting a little complex there, aren't we, Gonzo?

    GONZO

    Complex? That would be classic! I could go down as a world record!

    RIZZO

    World record? No. Go down? Yes.

    GONZO

    Well, you're no fun. Don’t be such a cheese.

    RIZZO

    Yes, well, I prefer the safety of a nice warm cheese.

    FOZZIE

    Hey, that reminds me, what do you get when you cross and elephant with a cheese? Give up? You get a-
    KERMIT, GONZO, RIZZO, and FOZZIE head over to a table. They pass by a television, and we stay with the television for a bit while KERMIT, FOZZIE, GONZO, and RIZZO continue on to their table. The MUPPET NEWSMAN races into the NEWSROOM on the television.

    NEWSMAN

    And now for a Muppet Newsflash. This just in: there’s been a new discovery in the recent crime wave going through Las Vegas. Several new programs have been discovered in the casinos of several gambling establishments through-out the area that have been re-routing all casino funds to a new, unknown bank account. Since all the casinos have gone digital in their banks, safes, etcetera, it has become increasingly easier for expert hackers to break in through the use of their computers and steal everything these places have without ever leaving the comfort of their living room. Further investigations in this case are being looked into by the Police as we speak...
    The location on the TV switches to

    EXT. CASINO - NIGHT

    LINK HOGTHROB (dressed in his Police Uniform) stands outside the CASINO being interviewed by the press.

    LINK

    These are indeed crafty minds we are dealing with here!

    REPORTER (o.s.)

    Sir, how do you plan on finding these criminals? Do you have a current plan?
    LINK stands there silently looking off very confused. The TV switches back to...

    INT. NEWSROOM

    NEWSMAN
    Er, yes. In other news, during a recent online poll, it has been discovered that more and more people prefer cookies to muffins. In this discovery, the U.S. Government has decreed the deportation of all muffins in the country to the Muppet Newsroom.
    A LOT of muffins fall from above onto the NEWSMAN. We now pan away from the TV to the booth where KERMIT, GONZO, RIZZO, and FOZZIE sit.

    ...

    I'm gunna cut off the scene early here, to post this section...the formatiing takes a life-time!

    Trivia Spot: Though the song was largely writtten by Super Scooter, it was me who split it into different singers doign different verses. The birds who later become a running gag were invented by Super Scooter.
  12. Beauregard

    Beauregard Well-Known Member

    INT. CAFE - CON'D

    PEPE walks up to them.

    PEPE
    So what are yous going to order, ok?

    KERMIT

    Can we all have a shake?

    PEPE

    What flavours?

    FOZZIE BEAR

    I’ll take a honey.

    RIZZO

    Er cheese please, hey that rhymed. Did you hear that Gonzo? Cheese, Please. I’m a poet and I didn’t know it. Yeesh, I’m beginning to talk like Big Bird here.

    KERMIT (overlap)

    Can I have a greenfly extra?

    GONZO

    I’ll take a raspberry, wheat meal, and mouldy peanut butter.

    JANICE

    (from behind the counter)
    That’s one Honey, one Greenfly, one Cheese, and a Weirdo special coming up.
    PEPE walks away.

    GONZO

    Hey, Kermit, what's wrong? You haven't even
    said anything about my act!

    FOZZIE

    Yeah, Kermit, what's wrong? Normally you’d be
    all over Gonzo about how silly his act sounds!

    GONZO

    Oh yeah!
    (beat)​
    What?

    KERMIT

    Oh, I'm just worried about something that
    happened earlier.
    ROWLF walks over with their shakes on a tray. He puts it down on the table and they all pause and suck on their straws for a moment.

    FOZZIE

    So, what happened, Kermit?

    KERMIT

    Well, earlier, I got this letter from some guy
    named J. Henson, and he-

    RIZZO

    What's a J. Henson?

    FOZZIE

    I think it's an alcohol label.

    RIZZO

    Oh!

    KERMIT

    Yeah. Well, anyway, this guy writes me a letter and tells me that I'm about to be framed for something!

    FOZZIE

    Wow!

    GONZO

    It’s at times like this I wish I’d listened to what my Mother told me.

    RIZZO

    Why? What did she tell you?

    GONZO

    I don’t know, I wasn’t listening.

    FOZZIE

    Ha, ha. Hey you didn’t make that up all by yourself did you?

    GONZO

    Yes. Well, no actually I got it from Readers Digest, or was it the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.

    RIZZO

    So, that's it? You called us down here just so you could tell us some stupid drink pulled a prank on you???

    KERMIT

    I don't think it's a prank, Rizzo.
    (KERMIT pulls out the letter)​
    Look, frowny faces. That's a warning.

    GONZO

    Wow! A real mystery, danger, intrigue, pain maybe even death. That's great! Ha ha ha ha!

    FOZZIE

    Don't worry, Kermit. We won't let anything happen to you.

    GONZO

    Right!

    RIZZO

    It's a fake.

    GONZO

    You’re such a party pooper.

    KERMIT

    Thanks, guys.

    RIZZO

    Hey, come on. I don't believe this! You' actually going along with this letter? Come on! Some kid probably wrote it! Adults don't cross their T's like that.

    GONZO

    Oooh! I never even noticed the T crossing
    (looks over the letter again)​
    Hmm. Wow. Not bad. Nice penmanship. I especially like the little curly thingys on the G's. Clever.

    KERMIT

    You guys! This is serious! Now, I don't know about you three, but I'm really worried about this! What if I get taken to jail? Huh? Then what?

    FOZZIE

    They serve steak on Saturdays.
    They all stare at FOZZIE for a moment when they are distracted by the sound of the door opening. They turn to look as SCOOTER enters in a rush.

    SCOOTER

    Phew! Sorry, I'm late, boss. I had a job interview.

    KERMIT

    You didn't miss much, apparently.

    RIZZO

    Steak on Saturdays. Ha!

    SCOOTER

    You guys want to hear about my new job? It's just great! I've got-

    KERMIT

    Er, not now, Scooter. We're kind of busy right now.

    SCOOTER

    Well, what are you doing?

    RIZZO

    There's the question for you!

    KERMIT

    Er, I got this letter today.
    KERMIT hands SCOOTER the letter and SCOOTER looks it over.

    SCOOTER

    Hmmm. Oooh! I like the little curly thingy he does with his G's.

    GONZO

    Yeah, you like that? Did you notice the T crossing? That's good.

    SCOOTER

    Oooh! A T crosser! ...
    SCOOTER finishes the letter during a few moments of uncomfortable silence, during which, KERMIT, FOZZIE, GONZO, and RIZZO shift in their seats waiting. SCOOTER finishes, and looks up from the letter.

    SCOOTER

    What's a J. Henson?

    KERMIT

    Don't ask.
    (beat)​
    So, what should I do? I can't just do nothing!
    Another few moments of uncomfortable silence.

    KERMIT

    Well???

    RIZZO

    It's a prank! An obvious prank.

    KERMIT

    Well, it may be, but there's a good chance that it isn't, I don't want to take that chance. We could be dealing with an incredible mastermind who will stop at nothing!

    FOZZIE

    (beat)​
    Over-acting is a gift.

    KERMIT

    Fozzie, I am not talking about an over-actor.

    RIZZO

    Over eating is great to, remember that night-

    KERMIT

    We are talking about something serious. Will you listen up?

    FOZZIE

    Ok, Kermit.

    KERMIT

    According to this letter I am going to be framed. It could be now. It could be later.

    RIZZO

    It could be never.

    KERMIT

    Oh brother.

    GONZO

    Hey, can we be Kermit’s Eleven like in the movies?

    FOZZIE

    But there isn’t eleven of us.

    GONZO

    Sure if you want to be technical.
    A few moments of silence as they all look at Gonzo strangely, and we pan across to the counter where BEAUREGARD is wiping off the table. He has over-heard the whole conversation.

    BEAUREGARD

    Oh, no! Kermit's going to be in some re-al trouble! I'd better tell the others.
    BEAUREGARD runs off.

    CUT TO


    Trivia Spot: The whoel Letter scene was written by Supe Scooter. I wrote the Hitchhiker Reference, however, also I wrote teh orders of the milkshakes.
  13. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    This scene was perfect! And so terribly Muppety!
  14. G-MAN

    G-MAN Active Member

    Yeah "I love the little curley things on the gs" "Ooh a t-crosser." Just hilarious.
  15. MrsPepper

    MrsPepper Active Member

    Those running gags (like the t's and g's) just made my day. Really excellent stuff. ^_^
    Um, and GREAT writing for all of the characters. Opening Kermit song was fantastic, and the writing for Sal was great.
  16. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Good job Bo and others of the 5IVE. But personally... Could do without all the "block quotes" mussing up the read-through.

    Looking forward to the rest of the screenplay.

    It'll be boffo! Fantastic! Great! I'm telling you it'll be a sure smash hit Lenny!
    You're beautiful Lenny, don't ever change!
    *Leaves behind copy of Manhattan Melodies.
  17. Whatever

    Whatever Active Member

    I love the J. Henson comment from Fozzie!
  18. Beauregard

    Beauregard Well-Known Member

    Yeah, sorry about that Count, but it's all written in Screenplay Format, and that's the way it's been done.

    Thanks for all the coment s guys, more coming today with lines from Floyd, Chef, and Rowlf, and a development of a plan!
  19. Effralyo

    Effralyo Active Member

    *In variety voice*
    ...We-eeeeeeeeee-eeeeeeeeeeeeee-eeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllll!.......
    You know you`re always perfect,GARD!
    You`re always perfect, Gard!
    You`re always glarkly, Gard,
    You`re always larky, Gard! - C`mon, c`mon....
    Gard!
    Script is worth an Oscar, Gard!
    Script is worth`a browsing, Gard!
    Script is kinda rully, Gard!-C`mon, c`mon...
    I`m just fascinated! Well concocted! :)
  20. Beauregard

    Beauregard Well-Known Member



    SCENE 7

    INT-KITCHEN- SAME DAY


    ROWLF, BEAUREGARD, PEPE, LEW ZEALAND, JANICE, FLOYD, ANIMAL, LIPS, ZOOT, and DR TEETH, are all sat around on the counters and such while THE SWEDISH CHEF is stirring something on the cooker. They all look slightly shocked.

    BEAUREGARD

    So its’ like that. I can hardly believe it myself.
    (beat)​
    And I’ll believe anything.

    DR TEETH

    (Sarcastically)​
    Yer, talk about it.

    BEAUREGARD

    You really want me to?

    JANICE

    Like, he was being sarcastic, fer sure.

    ROWLF

    We all know sarcasm doesn’t work on members of the species of, um, whatever Bo is.

    PEPE

    So Kermit is going to be framed?

    FLOYD

    As framed as Mona Lisa, dude.

    LEW ZEALAND

    Sounds like he’s going down.

    FLOYD

    He’s going so down he’ll need a plumber to get him back up.

    ROWLF

    But the question we must ask ourselves is there anything that we can do to stop this from happening to our friend? We all know what could happen.

    JANICE

    Like, he could go to prison and then our pile of bills...

    DR TEETH

    ...Our growing pile of bills will not be paid because...

    PEPE

    ...Because Kermit’s show was our last hope.

    LEW ZEALAND

    Our last glimmer of hope.

    FLOYD

    Yes, you can bet your boots or stringed instruments that if Kermit goes down we’re gonna’ fold.

    BEAUREGARD

    Yes, but fold what?

    PEPE

    So what can we do to stop it happening, ok?

    FLOYD

    It looks like our options stop at nothing. And that ain’t hoopy.

    JANICE

    Like, is there really nothing we can do?

    LEW ZEALAND

    Not really.

    DR TEETH

    No sir, unless we were to be guarding the frog each hour of the night and day each day of the week, each week of the month and each month of the year. And that, my friends, is too much work.
    CHEF turns around holding the steaming pan with banana skins hanging out of it.

    CHEF

    Bananananana steeew, endy vergy?
    CUT TO

    Scene 8

    EXT-DARK ALLY


    There are a couple of large wooden boxes at the edges and some shady looking shadows at the end of the ally on the wall. One is Uncle Deadly’s shadow.

    A tall man with a hat pulled way down over his face steps out to meet SCOOTER. The man’s face is in shadow.

    SCOOTER

    Hey this place sure is spooky. You scared me jumping out like that.

    MAN

    I did not jump out. I, sort of, peeled of the wall in a scary and impressive manner.

    SCOOTER

    I hope you don’t do that all the time.

    MAN

    Of course I do. It is necessary to provide atmosphere.

    SCOOTER

    I don’t know what type of atmosphere you are talking about but I hope there’s no o’zone layer.

    MAN

    (Puzzled)​
    What?
    (beat)​
    Here take this.
    (hands SCOOTER a package)​
    And you know what to do with it.

    SCOOTER
    Oh sure.
    (To himself)​
    I am not sure about this bunch. Still they seem nice enough. They’ve offered me a pay rise already.
    (to camera)​
    That's called plot exposition...
    CUT TO

    SCENE 9

    CARD:
    Several days later.

    EXT-OUTSIDE KERMIT’S HOUSE-SUNNY.

    BIG BIRD is walking down the street. A car pulls over in front of him and he walks over to it. Inside are two cameos possibly two other members of Sesame cast, Maria and someone.

    BIG BIRD
    Hey, can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?​

    The cameos stare at the camera confused and so does BIG BIRD.

    Camera swings round to show FOZZIE and KERMIT are in deck chairs out the front of the house. After a moment or two several vehicles go by on the road, including the Hoob’s bus

    FOZZIE BEAR
    Well, Kermit nothing has happened to you. You’re not in jail yet.

    KERMIT

    No. I’m glad.

    FOZZIE BEAR

    So do you want to hear my new joke?

    KERMIT

    On second thoughts-
    Enter SCOOTER on bicycle. He jumps of it and goes over to KERMIT.

    SCOOTER

    Here, Kermit. I got another package for you.

    KERMIT

    (takes package)​
    Hey, you know, you’ve been handing me a lot of these lately, and I can never get them open. What the heck are they?

    SCOOTER

    I don’t know.
    (sounding rather guilty)​
    I don’t open your mail
    (beat)​
    much. The steam sometimes accidentally opens your letters while I’m carrying them through the-

    KERMIT

    Hey this tape seems more loose than on the others. Er, one moment Scooter. Are you sure you don’t know what’s in these?

    SCOOTER

    Sorry, guys. Got to go.
    (beat)​
    Hey, look. They gave me a pay rise.
    SCOOTER jumps onto his bike and cycles away.

    KERMIT

    What’s up with him?

    FOZZIE BEAR

    This could be bad news.

    KERMIT

    Fozzie. What do you think I should do about that being framed letter? Should I talk to the police?

    FOZZIE BEAR

    Well, if you wanted to you could, because they are here.

    KERMIT

    What?
    Three policemen enter walking toward Kermit and Fozzie, one of them is UNCLE DEADLY, one is LINK HOGTHROB and one is a human CAMEO. (Steve Martin? Will Smith?)

    FOZZIE BEAR

    Oh dear.
    Policemen walk up to KERMIT.

    CAMEO

    Are you Kermit the Frog?

    KERMIT

    Yes.

    UNCLE DEADLY

    Do you live here?

    KERMIT

    Yes.

    LINK HOGTHROB

    Nice house, wish I lived here.

    UNCLE DEADLY

    Shut up, will you?

    CAMEO

    We have a warrant to search your house, Kermit.

    FOZZIE BEAR

    A warren? What would Warren have to do with our arrest? What did we ever do to him?

    CAMEO

    No. No, no. A WARRANT! Warren isn’t even here.

    FOZZIE

    Did Warren do something wrong?

    CAMEO

    There is no Warren!!!

    FOZZIE

    (beat)​
    Poor Warren.

    CAMEO

    (to KERMIT)​
    We need to search your house.

    KERMIT

    Sure go ahead, but I don’t see the point, I mean what could you possibly find in there??

    CAMEO

    Any number of things. Weapons, furniture, counterfeit objects?
    KERMIT gulps.

    UNCLE DEADLY

    Never mind that lets search the house.

    CAMEO

    Chef Inspector Link can you stay here and make sure the frog doesn’t fly the coop. (NOTE: Chef was intentional)
    UNCLE DEADLY and CAMEO go inside.

    LINK HOGTHROB

    How could he fly the coop? He hasn’t got wings and he’s not in a coop.

    FOZZIE BEAR

    Kermit, what about that stuff that Scooter delivered. Maybe he’s in with this whole counterfeiting thing.

    KERMIT

    You don’t suspect Scooter do you?

    FOZZIE BEAR

    Well, I don’t know. Quick, open the box, lets see what’s in it.
    Kermit opens the box and finds a counterfeit penguin in it. The counterfeit penguin looks just like an ordinary Mupet Penguin.

    UNCLE DEADLY comes to the upstairs window.

    UNCLE DEADLY

    Link, we have found the stuff. It was in his room.

    LINK

    Is that good or bad?
    LINK notices what Kermit is holding.

    LINK

    What is that?
    KERMIT puts the box behind his back. The CAMEO walks up behind KERMIT and puts his hands on KERMIT’s shoulders.

    CAMEO

    That looks like definite proof. I arrest you in the name of the law, and I warn you that everything, well, almost everything you say can and will be used against you in court.

    FOZZIE BEAR

    If you take Kermit you’ll have to take me.

    UNCLE DEADLY

    Sure, rug, anything you say.

    KERMIT

    Gosh, Fozzie. That was noble.

    FOZZIE BEAR

    Thanks

    KERMIT

    Stupid, but noble.

    CUT TO


    Trivia Note: Much of the Policeman scene was written by Supe Scooter, however, Link' lines were done by myself. As was the majority of the kitchen scene. Including Chef lines. However, it was Super Scooter who did "And that my friends is far too much hard work..."

    The creation, part 1: How did this screenplay work? Well, what we did was develop a basic idea of story on the site here, then i created an outline, and so did SS. I edited his and mine together, and we sent it to Pez and Sal and added their additions, and then to Sarah who made few suggestinons. When the out line was finalized...


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