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The corny joke thread

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Kiki, Dec 3, 2006.

  1. Princeton

    Princeton Well-Known Member

    Some Christian humor...

    A married couple were trying to have a baby, but to no avail. One day, the wife suggested going to their priest. The husband agreed, and off to the church they went. The priest said "Well, the most I can do is annoint you in oil. The problem with that is that all I have is 3-in-1". The couple agreed, and nine months later they had triplets. Upon hearing the news, the priest called to check on the couple. He said "Well, I'm glad everything worked out". The husband said "We are too, Father. But the REAL miracle is that you didn't use WD-40!"

    a) Why couldn't they play cards on the ark?
    b) Where in the Bible does it mention baseball?
    c) What kind of a man was Boaz before he married Ruth?

    a) Because Noah was standing on the deck.
    b) Genesis 1:1- "In the big inning..."
    c) He was Ruth-less.
  2. Faylo

    Faylo Well-Known Member

    I have another one, but it kinda loses it's effect on the internet, but it's hilarious to do to someone:

    Person 1: Knock Knock!
    Person 2: Who's There?
    P1: Interrupting Starfish.
    P2: Interrup-
    P1: *puts hand on P2's face*
  3. Bill Bubble Guy

    Bill Bubble Guy Well-Known Member

    A couple of explorers came across a fat man dressed in bright red clothing and big, black boots with a long, white beard and a wobbly pink nose in the middle of the African Jungle. His eyes were concealed under a red beanie cap and bushy, white eyebrows.
    The explorers said to him, "Hey, you must be Santa Claus."
    But he opened his mouth really wide revealing long, sharp canine teeth and quickly gobbled them up. Then wiping his mouth with his sleeve he burped and said, "Wrong. I'm Santa JAWS!":eek:
  4. Pork

    Pork Well-Known Member

    ok...here goes.

    A sausage and some bacon are frying in a pan.

    sausage says to bacon "boy it's getting hot in here"

    bacon thinks..."wow a talking sausage!"

    'bows' 'dodges tomatoes' 'bolts off stage and hides'
  5. Beauregard

    Beauregard Well-Known Member

    The chinese water fountain?
  6. Bill Bubble Guy

    Bill Bubble Guy Well-Known Member

    There were these two idiots.
    One of them said to the other, "Hey. You wanna play a game?"
    "Sure. I'd love to. What sort of game is it?"
    "You put this blindfold on and kneel down on the floor and I'm gonna hit you over the head with some things and you have to tell me what they are."
    "That sounds like a wonderful game." So they do it.
    And then he gets a hammer. Hits him over the head with it. "Ow. That was a hammer."
    And then he gets a bowling ball. Hits him over the head with it. "Ow. That was a bowling ball."
    And then he gets a golf club. Hits him over the head with it. "Ow. That was a golf club."
    "You're really very good at this. But now I'm gonna make it something really difficult."
    So then he gets the Statue of Liberty-heh:smirk: Hits him over the head with it. "Now can you tell me what that was?"
    But the other one says nothing for he has been knocked unconscious.
    "Well! How very rude you are! Fancy dropping off to sleep right in the middle of our game! That's not very nice at all!":crazy:
  7. D'Snowth

    D'Snowth Well-Known Member

    You're a few days late and several dollars short Beau, Marty finally got it.
  8. Bill Bubble Guy

    Bill Bubble Guy Well-Known Member

    Yes I did. I just didn't have the heart to tell Beau myself :) plus I'm modest by nature.:)
  9. Bill Bubble Guy

    Bill Bubble Guy Well-Known Member

    What's the absolutely worst possible thing you can buy from a second-hand store?

    Toilet Paper. eeeewwwww!
  10. Beakerfan

    Beakerfan Well-Known Member

    OH, so gross! :)
  11. Bill Bubble Guy

    Bill Bubble Guy Well-Known Member

    If a thing looks like a banana and it tastes like a banana, how can you be sure it really is a banana?

    Listen carefully. If it makes a noise like a banana, then it's a banana fersure.:p
  12. D'Snowth

    D'Snowth Well-Known Member

    Today I was browsing for some furniture for my room, a store employee was showing me some of the different dressers and chesters they had available, then he was asking me what kind of wood I prefer, "how do you like redwood?" he asked "personally, I'm more fond of Greenwood myself" I replied.
  13. Beakerfan

    Beakerfan Well-Known Member

    *snorts* :) heehee!
  14. Katzi428

    Katzi428 Well-Known Member

    YEESH!:p That's gross!

  15. Bill Bubble Guy

    Bill Bubble Guy Well-Known Member

    Funny thing is I was telling a couple of my jokes in this thread to my friends at the Catholic youth group tonight and this was one of them, and one of them said that it certainly would be the worst thing you could get second-hand unless it just so happened to be un-opened and sold second-hand. In other words un-used:smirk:
  16. Bill Bubble Guy

    Bill Bubble Guy Well-Known Member

    A male and a female mountain climber had just finished reaching the top of a very high mountain and were resting with their knapsacks by their feet. Their buddy, another male climber was just preparing to finish his climb and join them when suddenly he fell screaming to his death.
    The female climber cried "Oh good heavens. The rope has come undone and Jack is falling off the mountain. Poor Jack. He's a goner."
    And the other male climber added "Oh poor Jack indeed. But you had better watch your step very closely when we're ready to climb back down....Jill."
  17. Bill Bubble Guy

    Bill Bubble Guy Well-Known Member

    I see this thread has lain dormant for quite awhile now. So here's something to bump it up. It's not really a joke as such but it's a corny rhyme I always love to tell that I made up myself.

    Dan-Dan the Lavender Man,
    Washed his face in a frying pan,
    Shaved himself with an electric fan,
    And bathed all day in the dunny can. (Aussie slang for the toilet bowl):p

  18. D'Snowth

    D'Snowth Well-Known Member

    That doesn't also happen to be Dan-Dan the Strawberry man, does it?
  19. Bill Bubble Guy

    Bill Bubble Guy Well-Known Member

    Actually the part about Dan-Dan the Lavender Man comes from a comic character from the 1970's over in Britian that I've heard about.

    I don't know anything at all about the Strawberry Man.
  20. D'Snowth

    D'Snowth Well-Known Member

    You've been here for over a year and you don't know anything about Dan?

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