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The Fifth Semi-Annual Muppet Central Awards Ceremony!

Discussion in 'Friends and Family' started by theprawncracker, Mar 1, 2009.

  1. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    (Backstage) (SCOOTER pokes his head through a door.)

    SCOOTER: theprawncracker! theprawncracker! Fifteen seconds to curtain, theprawncracker!

    (THEPRAWNCRACKER aka PRAWNIE straightens his Kermit ball-cap and his green bow tie.)

    PRAWNIE: Great, Scooter! I'm all set!

    SCOOTER: Ya sure about that?

    PRAWNIE: Of course! It's not like I haven't hosted one of these things before!

    SCOOTER: Okay, if you say so! (jumps back)

    PRAWNIE: What are you-- (a piano falls on top of PRAWNIE) (PRAWNIE pokes his head out) (spits out piano keys) And on that note...

    (Theater) (The crowds shuffling in to the dark theater take their seats. Chattering stops as the spotlights illuminate the crimson stage curtains.)

    ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, frogs, bears, chickens, pigs, monsters, birds, Ernies, Berts, rats, grouches, livestock, penguins, whatevers… Mister Ryan “Prawnie” theprawncracker!

    (Applause) (The curtains pull open and PRAWNIE takes center stage.)

    PRAWNIE: Thank you! Thank you! Please, please! Thank you! Please! …See? Sesame Street DID teach me something!

    (Laughter and applause) (Applause finally dies down)

    PRAWNIE: Phew, I thought you’d never quit. …Who am I kidding? I hoped you would never quit! Any who… welcome once again to The Muppet Central Awards! This is our fifth year in the business of award shows, so we’ve pretty much got things down to a science around here—and not the Bunsen and Beaker kind of science. Although our interns do pick up a lot of injuries backstage… but don’t tell our lawyers.

    What a great crowd we’ve got here tonight, am I right? We’ve got everyone here from Eduardo “The Count” in Puerto Rico, to Beauregard in some undisclosed location we should probably be glad we’re not aware of! Oh—I see Statler and Waldorf are in the audience. Can we get a spotlight on Statler and Waldorf please, Jimmy?

    (Spotlight shines into the balcony finding STATLER and WALDORF)

    STATLER: Oh sure, make us part of the opening monologue.

    WALDORF: He must know it’s the only part we’ll be awake for!

    (Both laugh)

    PRAWNIE: Very funny, guys. Say… I didn’t see you two walking in with any ladies tonight. Finally realize the only thing you’re old enough for nowadays is carbon dating?

    STATLER: Oh, clever, clever!

    WALDORF: We didn’t see you walk in with a date either!

    PRAWNIE: …Touché. I guess that’s why they call you two the best hecklers in the business…

    STATLER: Heh, you’d better believe it!

    WALDORF: I’d say we deserve an award!

    PRAWNIE: I’d disagree—and I know a bear that’d support that disagreement. Anyway, folks! We’ve got a great show planned out for you—so stick around! (Who are we kidding? Thanks to the Muppet Labs Super Adhesive we’re all sticking around!) Please welcome, to present our first award, the furry, funny, and, of course, fabulous, Mister Fozzie Bear!

    (Applause as FOZZIE BEAR fumbles onto the stage in a tuxedo)

    FOZZIE: Ahh! Wocka! Wocka! Wocka! Hiya folks! It’s a pleasure to be here!

    STATLER: Wish we could say the same!

    (STATLER and WALDORF laugh)

    FOZZIE: Guys, c’mon! I’m trying to present the “Make Us Laugh” award for funniest member!

    STATLER: Disturbing.

    WALDORF: At least we can take solace in the fact that the bear won’t be winning it!

    (Both laugh)

    FOZZIE: Oh—Ha ha. Very funny, you guys! Anyway, folks! This is one of the most competitive awards in the whole ceremony! Why? Well, you can’t vote for me, and finding someone funnier is just plain hard! Wocka! Wocka!

    STATLER: Did he say hard?

    WALDORF: Yeah, like his head!

    (Both laugh)

    FOZZIE: (heavy sigh) (pulls on bow tie nervously) This just isn’t my night!

    STATLER: This just isn’t your millennium!

    FOZZIE: (groans) Here are the top contenders for Funniest Member…
    Winslow Leach

    (fumbles to pull envelope from coat pocket) And the MC Award goes to… theprawncracker! Hey… isn’t he the host? I guess it’s true what they say! He’s the host with the most—awards that is! Ahh! Congratulations, Ryan!

    (Long cane reaches out and pulls Fozzie offstage) (Applause)

    ANNOUNCER: This is theprawncracker’s first award of the evening. He’s a contender in many other awards and is currently not a wildebeest.
  2. RedPiggy

    RedPiggy Well-Known Member

    Congrats, theprawncracker! (((((((applauds))))))))
  3. Beauregard

    Beauregard Well-Known Member

    Bo: *shuffling into the crowd, late, having come straight from the operating theatre at MetroCentral Hospital*
    Beau: Exc-use us.
    Bobo: Pardon me...pardon...
    Bo: Are there any empty seats?
    Bobo: Fozzie's onstage. I got a copy of the schedule from the security guard...we can take his seat.
    Bo: *sits on a whoopie cushion*
  4. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    (PRAWNIE comes back onstage) (Applause)

    PRAWNIE: Well, we’re off to a good start—wouldn’t you say? (And no, I’m not just saying that because I won the first award.) Anyway… enough out of me! Now it’s my distinct confusion to introduce someone (or something) I know I’m going to regret. Ladies and gentlemen… (gulps) Animal.

    (ANIMAL rushes onto the stage panting, Zoot chases after him)

    ANIMAL: Ah ha ha! An-i-mal! Ah ha ha! AWARDS! AWARDS!

    ZOOT: (peers up) Uhh… yeah, Animal says… uhh… He’s here at the Awards.


    ZOOT: He’s here to present the “Animal on Caffeine” award… I think.


    ZOOT: No, man, present, not present. Not a gift.

    ANIMAL: (blinks) No pre-sent?

    ZOOT: No, you do present!

    ANIMAL: AH! Present! Present! Present! (hopping up and down)

    ZOOT: …And the contenders are…

    ANIMAL: theprawncracker
    The Count

    ZOOT: And the winner is… Animal… where’s the envelope?

    ANIMAL: Ah! Food! Ah ha ha!

    ZOOT: …Animal ate it, man.

    ANIMAL: (belches) (a scrap of paper flies out)

    ZOOT: (examines paper) Huh. It’s Ilikemuppets!

    ANNOUNCER: This is William is currently the #2 poster at the Muppet Central Forum with over 19,000 posts.
  5. vaati64

    vaati64 Member

    congrats Prawnie on the first award!
  6. RedPiggy

    RedPiggy Well-Known Member

    (calls out) Someone slip in some emergency de-caf!
  7. Beauregard

    Beauregard Well-Known Member

    Bo: Hang on while I find the dynamite...
    Bobo: Confiscated
    Bo: Bomb?
    Bobo: Taken.
    Bo: ...the Really Big Gun?
    Bobo: Security took it.
    Beau: I have the paper towels.
    Bo: Well...so much for using this spotlight moment to gradually eliminate the Top posters on MC...
    Bobo: I have an oboe...
    Bo: That should help. NOT!
  8. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    PRAWNIE: (rubs earlobes) Yeesh. Thank goodness no one really did put Animal on caffeine… We don’t have it in the budget to replace every seat cushion—just the ones in Cookie Monster’s diet.

    Up next, a cute little fellow—still only five years old and just as talented as… well, as me! Robin the Frog, everybody!

    (Applause) (ROBIN hops out into the middle of the stage)

    ROBIN: Hi, everybody! Ya know, this is my fifth year at these awards—and they still make me present this one! Sure, I’m short, and yeah, I’m sweet, but why do I have to present the “Short But Sweet” award every year? I’m a big frog now! I should be able to move on—expand my repertoire! I just don’t understand it… Anyway… here’re the competitors for the member with a low post count but a big personality—like me!
    Yva Minstrel
    Was Once Ernie
    And the winner is… RedPiggy, everybody!

    ANNOUNCER: Even though RedPiggy has just over 1,000 posts, she’s really made a big impression on all of us here at MC. She’s posted numerous, awesome fan-fictions based on Dinosaurs and her “Tinseltown” series. She also has a really cool avatar.
  9. JJandJanice

    JJandJanice Well-Known Member

    Awesome stuff dude.

    Congrads to prawnie and Ilikemuppets. Both two cool people.

    Now congrads to Redpiggy, another person I enjoy on this forum
  10. RedPiggy

    RedPiggy Well-Known Member

    * bows* Yay me! I was planning on having a really long speech, but I don't think Statler and Waldorf's Social Security will last that long. :)

    Anyway, I wouldn't be "short but sweet" if I had a long speech.

    Thanks, everyone!
  11. Beauregard

    Beauregard Well-Known Member

    Bo: Oh! RedPiggy! Maybe she'll sign an autograph on this hard, er, cover Tinseltown novel later...
    Bobo: Confiscated...
    Beau: Congratulations!
    Bo: Typical.
  12. Oscarfan

    Oscarfan Well-Known Member

    *Teleports in al-a Yip-Yips*

    Whoo! I'm not missin' it! Congrats to you prawny, Ilikemuppets and RedPiggy! You all deserve it! Now, can anyone point me to the snack bar?
  13. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    PRAWNIE: Aww… Robin’s so cute. And short. Poor little guy. Maybe next year, Robin! Brace yourselves ladies and gents—and hide anything edible. …On second thought, just hide anything. Here’s Cookie Monster!

    (Applause) (COOKIE MONSTER rumbles out onto the stage, grinning)

    COOKIE MONSTER: Mmm… hi! Me Cookie Monster! You? Great audience! Ha ha! Me here to eat pictures! Yah! Sure, award called “Don’t Eat the Pictures,u201D but me say what the hey? Why not take a bite? Hmm… now which me want eat? Who we got here with Best Avatar? Umm…
    The Count
    Vic Romano
    Super Scooter
    Ooh… me pick me favorite… uhhh… Vic Romano! Yah ha ha ha! His picture look delicious! Now… ‘scuse me. Me got to munch!

    ANNOUNCER: This isn’t the first time Vic Romano has won for Best Avatar—and it’s always been the same one! This is truly a testament to this great artist’s skill.
  14. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    PRAWNIE: Unfortunately, Dave couldn't be here with us this afternoon, so he left me an acceptance speech to read in response to his victory...

    "Thank all of you who voted for me, so much. I believe an avatar can be a very personal thing and this little "anime Kermit" of mine has been with me for about four or five years now, and as a result, I don't think I'll ever be able to change him! Thank you."
  15. vaati64

    vaati64 Member

    congrats super scooter and everyone else that has won so far
  16. RedPiggy

    RedPiggy Well-Known Member

    *whispers to whoever is sitting by me*
    I just realized what the links were for. :o

    That award is super awesome.
  17. Beauregard

    Beauregard Well-Known Member

    Bo: Go Vic Go!
    Beau: You want him to leave?
    Father Moppet: Lay off my son!
    Bo: What are YOU doing here?
    Father Moppet: This isn't the Oscars?
  18. JJandJanice

    JJandJanice Well-Known Member

    I'll sit next to ya Redpiggy, :).

    Congrads on your award
  19. Beauregard

    Beauregard Well-Known Member

    Bo: *on the other side of RedPiggy* Link is here? I need to get his autograph too...
    Bobo: Linx? The body spray? I still don't get what they're for...Is it like Pepperspray?
    Beau: *frowning*
  20. theprawncracker

    theprawncracker Well-Known Member

    PRAWNIE: Vic will always be my favorite artist here on the forums… By the way, did you know that Vic designed and made the awards for this year’s ceremony? It’s true! Aren’t they just spectacular?
    Anyhow, up next we have… Pops!

    (Applause) (POPS comes onstage)

    POPS: Oh, hi there! I see ya’ll gathered here to see the handin’ out of these here awards again, didn’t ya? Heh, I just love award shows… and ya know what I love most about award shows? Seein’ all the celebrities and gettin’ their autograph! Yep! That’s why tonight I’m presentin’ the “J. Henson Signature” award for best signature at Muppet Central! Here’re the contenders!
    Winslow Leach
    The Shoe Fairy
    And the winner is… Pork! Congratulations! Now… can I have yer autograph?

    ANNOUNCER: Pork’s signature reads, “I am here. Wish you were fine. -Gonzo-” along with links to creationontheweb.com and alienintrusion.com.

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