The Great Desire

theprawncracker

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AUGH!! This is KILLING me!! It's so painful to read! Camilla...Janice...Issabella...Gonzo...Oh like ow, I can't even...Wow. It's just so heartwrenchingly great. More please...
 

The Count

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Has anyone seen Melissa (Java)? We need some more of this story posted, PDQ!
*Fires off a volley of muffins to shake things up and get some story posted.
 

Java

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Hey guys, I am so sorry. I have worked 60 hours for the past couple of weeks and have been completly exhausted. On top of that there have been a few family issues. I haven't even checked in until my friend who lurks said that you all were looking for me.

Give me just a little be longer I've just got a few more shifts to work and then I am taking a mini-vacation while staying here at home. Believe me, I'm ready to find out what happens in this story too, :embarrassed: :wink:.

I've got to go to bed for now, this week has ended up being closer to 65 hours at work and then you have to factor in commute time.

I will be back asap, signing off again for now.

Thanks for caring.

Melissa (Java)
 

The Count

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Aw... That's OK Melissa, we understand. Just some stories need a bit of naggin' when they're laggin' and draggin' behind.

Here, have a good rest in peace and see you when you're able to get back online.
*Leaves cup of Java and some pumpkin pie doughnuts.
And say hi to that lurker friend of yours.
 

redBoobergurl

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((HUGS)) Melissa. It's all good, I know how it can be when your personal life gets in the way sometimes. I'll be happy to read an update when you're able, but for now, take care of you! :smile:
 

Java

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Chapter 10

Chapter 10

“No one really knows what happened?” Camilla’s clucks reached a shrillness that they didn’t know was possible. Janice looked between the two and thought about heading out the door so they could fight in peace.

As she started to back out towards the door Camilla turned to her and finally poured out all of the emotions that she had kept bottled up inside.

“He made me make every decision alone. Every time I asked him if we were doing the right thing for our daughter he shrugged. When things were worse he would disappear for hours at a time with Floyd more concerned about the theater and how his stunts were going than about us.”

Camilla started to pace back and forth as she continued to share her blinded view of Gonzo’s actions. “Gonzo was sure to remind me that so much more could happen to hurt Isabella. He didn’t want to talk to me anymore, he didn’t want to be with me anymore and he didn’t want to be bothered with decisions”

Gonzo couldn’t believe that Camilla saw his actions in that way. “What was I supposed to do?” Gonzo had to yell to grab Camilla’s attention again. “You all made sure that I knew a father couldn’t provide the things that a mother could. I couldn’t hold Isabella because I couldn’t keep her warm enough. The doctors made sure that I knew my research was skewed and that it wasn’t reliable. I knew nothing and the only thing I could do was make sure there was still a home to go to.”

“But you know the worst thing he did to me, Janice?” Camilla moved to block the door to keep Janice from leaving her alone with “that weirdo.”

“Oh, please enlighten us,” Gonzo said, although he was sure he knew what was coming next, “what was the worst infraction I placed on you two?”


* * * * * * * * *​

Two weeks after the accident - 28 6/7 weeks

Camilla sat still in the chair listening to the dings, beeps, bells, and rings going off around her. Every now and then she looked up at the monitor to make sure it was not Isabella and then looked back at her beautiful girl nestled on her chest.

Kangaroo care was what the nurses called it and there was no other feeling in the world like it. This was the nourishing touch that would heal her daughter. This was their time together and her body provided Isabella with all the warmth she needed to get through their three hour session. Sure Gonzo could hold her but only his body wouldn’t naturally heat and cool to keep their daughter at the appropriate temperature.

Gonzo walked back to her in the unit and peered down at their daughter. “How is she doing?” He whispered the question and then looked away.

Camilla frowned disappointed that he still wouldn’t call Isabella by name. She had to pick it out on her own. Every time she had asked Gonzo for his opinion he would shrug, shaking his head disbelieving that they had to do this now.

Gonzo looked back at Camilla waiting for her answer. She had that look of disgust on her face again. Disgust for him because he felt hopeless and had nothing to offer either of them in means of comfort or support. Disgust because he didn’t want to name their daughter to have her yanked away from them. He had done research and read the horror stories of how much could go wrong. Twenty-six weeks was too early and while these past two weeks had been great there were still many more to go.

Every night he went home from the hospital afraid they were living on borrowed time with their daughter. He had watched other parents celebrate as their children were taken off of the ventilator one day into their life and still thrive. Isabella had to be put back on multiple times already. Other parents had no problems with their children accepting their feedings. Isabella’s belly would grow bigger and she would look horribly uncomfortable. X-rays would show air in her intestines and they were starting all over again. Fourteen days was a long time to ride a roller coaster of emotions.

Camilla sighed hard that Gonzo hadn’t paid attention to the reply and Isabella grimaced in reaction. Gonzo muttered something about going to check on Floyd and walked out again. He never would stay for long when she was holding Isabella.

As they walked home after dark Gonzo tried to engage Camilla in conversation. They really hadn’t talked much about anything since the accident and Gonzo felt the air between them changing. He wanted to show her that he was just as concerned as she was, he just didn’t know how. Camilla could only think about what was going on with their daughter and had forgotten about the theater and the struggles of their friends who were worried about them.

The weeks passed slowly and he watched Janice slowly regain consciousness and start on the road to recovery and Isabella grow to one and a half times the size of her birth weight. She still struggled with feedings and breathing changing back and for the between the various machines that they had to help her. Camilla became more and more motherly everyday, especially over-protective, forgetting to take care of herself in the worry.

When Isabella was listed as being thirty weeks old Gonzo decided that Camilla needed a break for one night. Instead of escorting her home in the dark to collapse on the couch and eat frozen dinners he took her back to the restaurant they had been in the first time he told her he loved her.

Dinner was pleasant as they found mutual ground to talk about again and they started to remember how to be a couple again. “I love you my little chickadee,” Gonzo whispered once again over the candlelight.

Camilla smiled gently, feeling more comfortable now that her loving husband was back with her. All would be right again. Isabella had been eating again for five days in a row - the longest time yet. She also still remained on a nasal cannula to help her with oxygen but all the respirations where her own. Gonzo had learned to be comfortable around their daughter and was participating in decisions. He had even picked the middle name for her – Susan.

Feeling better they headed to the movies and then to walk around the pond in the park. They giggled like little kids when they where reprimanded by the cop for acting like gushing teen-agers on a park bench and were more than a little loud as they hurried into their home to finish what they had started.

As they snuggled together Gonzo lazily hit the answering machine button to play their messages. Camilla was lulled into semi-consciousness as Scooter reviewed rehearsal notes for Gonzo, an errant salesman tried to push magazine subscriptions, and the night shift nurse at the hospital reported that there had been a change in Isabella’s condition and they were needed at the there as soon as they got the message.

Synchronized together in slow motion they realized what the last message had said and then shot back out of the house.
 

The Count

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Oooooooh! You hit us right where it counts...

*Stunned silence. So much to go through here, but I'm just going to wait until someone else can come in and review.
The ushygushiness of Gonzo and Camilla going out on the town again, nice and sweet.
But everything that happened to Isabella... And the current fighting between Gonzo and Camilla with Janice as a silent hesitant witness... Oh, you tear at our heartstrings... And still, we want more please!
 

theprawncracker

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AUGH!!!! This is KILLING Gonzo!! And poor Camilla! OH!! Java this is so lovely!!! It's just so painful too!! MORE PLEASE!!
 

redBoobergurl

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Oh an update! And oh...how heartwrenching! It's so sad, but it's so beautifully written! Even though I know what's coming, I can't wait to read more, I'm just on the edge of my seat.

BTW, your medical knowledge has done you quite well in this story!
 

Java

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Okay guys, this next chapter is rough. Very rough. Grab teddys and tissues and everything else that comforts you. Get through this and I'll have words to make it better soon. See you again on the other side...
 
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