The Stars of The Muppets: Gonzo

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for The Stars of The Muppets, with your host, Walter!
Walter: Hello, ladies and gentlemen. Here I am with the one and only Gonzo, also known as The Great Gonzo, also known as Gonzo the Great.
Gonzo: I know.
Walter: In the new movie The Muppets, Gonzo returns to his roots as a plumber.
Gonzo: But I eventually come to my senses.

(Leads to scene where Gonzo decides to join the Muppets)

Walter: Now, as I understand, one of your first acts ever was eating a tire to the tune of Flight of the Bumblebee.
Gonzo: That is correct.

(Leads to Gonzo eating a tire)

Gonzo: I even got to play the song on the trumpet once.

(Leads to "Flight of the Bumblebee")

Walter: You've also played the trumpet in the opening, though you normally have trouble with that.
Gonzo: Oh, I wouldn't say that...

(Leads to montage of Gonzo's trumpet openings:

• Gonzo blows out green smoke
• Duck kisses Gonzo
• Beautiful Day Monster blows tuba behind Gonzo
• Crazy Harry blows up Gonzo
• Gonzo blows balloons out of his trumpet
• Gonzo blows pop corn out of his trumpet
• Gonzo actually blows the right note

)

Gonzo: It's all much more memorable than me trying to hit the gong.

(Leads to montage of Gonzo hitting the "O" as a gong:

• Gonzo blows up
• Gonzo hits Beautiful Day Monster
• Gonzo hits the "O" with a boxing glove
• Crazy Harry blows up Gonzo

Walter: Let's talk about your relationship with Camilla.
Gonzo: Well, we are still together. I remember when I planned our first date...

(Leads to Gonzo giving Camilla flowers)

Gonzo: When Paul Simon was on the show he stole Camilla and all the other chickens away from me.

(Leads to "El Condo Pasa")

Walter: But you got them back, right?
Gonzo: Oh, yeah. One time me and Camilla went to Walt Disney World. We visited the Disney laundromat.

(Leads to "Love in a Laundrymat")

Walter: One of your best-known acts was your motorcycle act.
Gonzo: Oh course! Let's show it!

(Leads to Gonzo's motorcycle act, parts 1 and 2)

Walter: Another of your greatest acts was when you caught a cannonball with your bare hand.

(Leads to Gonzo's cannonball-catching act)

Walter: And later you had the time of your life with John Cleese!

(Leads to John Cleese stretching Gonzo's arms and legs)

Gonzo: That was the first time my arms and legs got stretched out. At the time I hated it.
Walter: Really?
Gonzo: But I've eventually come to love it. In fact, my contract for Muppet Treasure Island demanded for a scene where my arms and legs stretched out.

(Leads to Muppet Treasure Island scene where Gonzo gets stretched)

Walter: But you've never joined the NBA.
Gonzo: No, not yet.
Walter: Over your career, you have had a great singing voice.
Gonzo: Yeah, singing is fun.

(Leads to:

• Act Naturally
• Dancing with Myself

)

Gonzo: Sometimes I can't make it to work, so I often have to pre-record myself.

(Leads to Kermit learning Gonzo has pre-recorded himself)

Walter: Would you believe that I pre-recorded myself for this interview?
Gonzo: Yes. I have plenty of pre-recorded experience.
Walter: One thing I don't know how to handle is when my recording runs out.
Gonzo: Well fast-forwarding is the worst.

(Leads to:

• Kermit fast-forwards Gonzo
• Jambouree
• Gonzo orders the soup du jour in the canteen
• Gonzo balances a piano while recitign the 7 times table

)

Walter: Let's talk to some of Gonzo's friends!
Camilla: Bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk.
Kermit: Sometimes Gonzo pressures me to put him on, and sometimes he causes our insurance rates to go up, but he's an all-around good guy.
Sam: That weirdo has no decency! Sometimes he'll include culture into his act, but what he does when he plays the cultual music ruins my enjoyment!
Dr. Teeth: Gonzo is great at doing great rock-and-roll numbers, like the "Car Wash Blues"!

(Leads to "Car Wash Blues")

Fozzie: You know, that Gonzo is so dumb, when he graduated, he didn't get a diploma, he got a pension! (waits for laughter he doesn't get) Not funny, huh? Well, he's not really dumb, either.
Waldorf: You should have seen the time he ran his motorcycle into our balcony.
Statler: I think they already did.
Waldorf: Oh.
Lips: I'm a better trumpet player than him. (Plays a brief trumpet peice) See? Nothing came out.
Lew Zealand: I tried to teach Gonzo how to throw the boomerang fish once, but he couldn't learn. He kept throwing fish in the wrong direction!
Rizzo: We're best buds, more or less. I remember the time we did that incredible discoveries act.

(Leads to Gonzo and Rizzo's Incredible Discoveries)

Walter: One of your best movie moments has got to be the time you held onto those balloons.
Gonzo: Yeah, that was fun.

(Leads to Gonzo flying with balloons)

Walter: Let's talk about your great acting career.
Gonzo: Yeah, I like to stretch out as an actor.
Walter: And we've seen you stretch.
Gonzo: Anyway, one of my favorite roles to play was the Sherriff of Nottingham. I played the role alognside Lynn Redgrave as Maid Marian when we did the Robin Hood play.

(Leads to Sherriff of Nottingham's torture scene)

Gonzo: Like I said, I like to stretch.
Walter: One of my favorite roles you've played was Rumplestilskin.
Gonzo: Yeah, I really loved the part where I spun straw into gold a second time.

(Leads to second time Rumplestilskin turns straw into gold)

Gonzo: But like in the story, I offered to let her keep the baby in exchange for guessing my name. But she couldn't guess my name.
Walter: Not until the end.
Gonzo: Shh! Don't spoil the ending for thos ewho haven't seen it!
Walter: But it's not widely available on DVD, so who will see it?
Gonzo: They can still find copies at the flea market!

(Leads to the gang learning Rumplestilskin's name)

Gonzo: I also had the great dramatic role of playing Charles Dickens. In that role, I not only told the story of A Christmas Carol, but I helped Rizzo get over Scrooge's fench.

(Leads to Gonzo telling Rizzo to jump from the fench)

Gonzo: I went to high school with Jason Alexander, and we once did a great play called Bats. The two of us had creative differences, but in the end all turned out great.

(Leads to Bats)

Walter: And let's not forget the time you played Dearth Nadir.

(Leads to Pigs in Space: Death Nadir)

Walter: So you've done a lot in your career, from being a plumbing magnate to being a daredevil and an artiste, do being good at acting and singing.
Gonzo: Please, no autographs.
Walter: (slightly disapointed) Oh. (perking up) Well, beyond all the craziness, you are also capable of singing some really heartfelt songs.

(Leads to "I'm Going to Go Back There Someday")

Walter: Well, that's it for tonight's edition of The Stars of The Muppets.
Gonzo: See you in the theaters!

I've done the five "Stars of the Muppets" fan fics I planned (the others spotlighting Kermit, Fozzie, Piggy, and Animal), and I must say that for this one I probably planned on "including" the most clips that I didn't.

Some of the clips I thought about including but didn't:

• Nobody
• She Was a Cute Little Dickie Bird
• Gonzo's encounter with the cosmic fish (I've mainly written these as if officially by Disney, and had been unsure whether to include clips from the Sony-owned movies)
• Everyone Matters (same case as above, though It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie's owned by NBC)
• I Wish I Could be Santa Claus
• Gonzo and the Christmas Turkey fighting over Camilla
• Gonzo's rocket-ski act from Muppets Tonight