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TMS outline - Frankie Valli! (by Gorgon Heap & kathy26)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Gorgon Heap, Oct 23, 2016.

  1. Gorgon Heap

    Gorgon Heap Well-Known Member

    Had this one on the back burner for a while when kathy26 reached out to me about doing one as a surprise for cjd874. So I dusted it off, we bounced some ideas around, and here's the finished product!


    STYLE: SEASON THREE (circa Jean Stapleton, Alice Cooper)

    COLD OPENING: Scooter knocks, enters.

    Scooter: “Frankie Valli! 30 seconds to curtain, Mr. Valli!”

    Frankie: "Thank you, Scooter! I’m really thrilled to be here! You Muppets are the best! And Scooter, you’re a wonderful gofer.”

    Scooter: “Gee, thanks!”

    Frankie: “You know, I really must say, this is the best show I've ever been on!"

    Scooter: "Oh, you don't HAVE to say it. It's not like we have a gun to your back."

    (Scooter exits.)

    Frankie: "Funny you should mention it..."

    (Pan to reveal Crazy Harry has a cannon pointed at Frankie’s back.)

    Statler: “I know what’ll save this show.”
    Waldorf: “You do? What’s that?”
    (Statler produces a sheet of paper.)
    Statler: “A crossword puzzle!”
    (S & W laugh.)

    GONZO: seagulls come out of Gonzo’s trumpet, to the sounds of waves and cawing

    OPENING NUMBER: "Grease is the Word" – Frankie sings on an elevated stage, with the Electric Mayhem in the top of a large jukebox bandstand, with Annie Sue and a Whatnot 50’s girl sing backup on stage with Frankie.

    On the floor below, a pit of dancers shows off their moves (including Whatnots, animals, creatures, monsters). Sweetums, Fletcher Bird, and Mean Mama join Frankie onstage, one by one, until Mean Mama gets a little too friendly!

    Waldorf: “Ah, that Frankie Valli is terrific!”

    Statler: “Tremendous!”

    Waldorf: “What’s next in the program?

    (Statler consults the program.)

    Statler: “Muppet Labs.”

    Waldorf (beat): “You still have that crossword puzzle?”

    Statler: “Right here.”

    BACKSTAGE: Scooter is in Kermit’s way at the desk.

    Kermit: “Uh, Scooter, would you – would you move, please?”
    (into intercom)
    “OK, strike that set, bring in Muppet Labs!”

    (Bunsen enters.)

    Bunsen: “Oh, Mr. Kermit, I just wanted to say that my latest invention is particularly appropriate for tonight’s show since our guest star is Mr. Frankie Avalon.”

    Kermit: “No, no, no. Our guest star is Frankie Valli!”

    Bunsen: “Oh. What does he do?”

    Kermit: “Will you get on stage, Bunsen? Now Scooter, what are you doing at my desk?”

    Scooter: “Well, you see, my teacher, Mrs. McIlhenny, gave us this homework assignment.”

    (Luncheon Counter Monster passes by, eavesdropping.)

    Kermit: “Er, if you have homework, maybe you should go home and skip gofer-ing tonight.”

    Scooter: “I would, it’s just that the assignment is…”
    “Ahem: to interview someone who is a hero in your life. So you see, naturally I’d want to do it here. I mean, you’re ALL my heroes!”

    LCM: “Aw, you really made my day, kid!”

    (LCM throws an arm around Scooter, hugging him a little too tight.)

    LCM: “Now it all started a long time ago. I was a lonely, yet happy child. Little did I know that I would ascend to stardom!”

    (Scooter looks to Kermit for help. Kermit just shakes his head and leaves.)

    MUPPET LABS: Bunsen invents Beach Body Pills.

    Bunsen: “For years, people have had to suffer the embarrassment of being the token 98-lb. weakling whenever they went to the beach, just like poor Beaker here.”

    (Beaker does a double take. He leans toward the wings, pointing over his shoulder at Bunsen and murmuring, as if to say, “can you BELIEVE this guy?!”)

    Bunsen: “But now, here comes the all-new Beach Body Pill. Try one, Beaker.”

    (Beaker gulps down several.)

    Bunsen: “Not a whole handful!”

    (Beaker bulks up at an enormous rate, and grows into a giant, to boot.)

    Bunsen: “Oh, dear! Um… that’s all for now from Muppet Labs.”

    (Beaker picks up Bunsen by his collar, and leaves, carrying him.)

    (Statler & Waldorf look over the crossword puzzle.)

    Statler: “Hmm, a 10-letter word meaning ‘enormous’.”

    (Giant Beaker sticks his head into frame. Waldorf recoils in horror. Statler doesn’t notice.”

    Waldorf (stutters): “Gargantuan!”

    Statler: “Say, that’s right! How did you—“
    (looks up)

    (He recoils in horror. Beaker exits.)

    BACKSTAGE: Scooter tries to decide who to interview.

    Scooter: “It should be someone I really look up to.”

    (Giant Beaker enters, still carrying Bunsen, and makes his way through the backstage.)

    Scooter: “But maybe not that much. Some figures are so towering, there’s no measuring up.”

    (Fozzie enters.)

    Scooter: “Oh, Fozzie! Could you help me out with something?”

    Fozzie: “What’s that?”

    Scooter: “I have a school assignment to interview one of my personal heroes.”

    Fozzie: “So?”

    Scooter: “So, I want to interview you!

    Fozzie: “You do? Oh, wow! Oh, I’m so honored! What do I do?”

    Scooter: “Well uh, just answer some of these questions.”

    Fozzie: “Okay, go!”

    Scooter (reading): “Uh, describe a challenge in your life and how you overcame it.”

    Fozzie: “Oh, well –-“
    (stops short)
    “Uh… oh! I could talk about how Statler & Waldorf always heckle me!”

    Scooter: “Oh, great idea, Foz!”

    Fozzie: “Well, you see they always heckle me, but I –- uh, well! I just, uh… oh, gosh, uh, guess I never overcame that one.”

    Scooter: “Well, we can move on to the next question.”
    “Ahem: what accomplishment are you most proud of?”

    Fozzie: “Are you kidding? Why, I’m most proud of… uh, well there was, uh… oh!”

    (He buries his face in his hand.)

    Fozzie (to self): “This is not going very well.”

    Scooter: “Oh. Well then, uh, how about –“

    Fozzie (interrupts him): “Scooter! I’m sorry, but uh, I think I’m gonna go lie down for a little while. I have some things to think about.”

    (He whimpers, and exits.)

    Scooter (to camera): “Well, they say a hero’s job is never done.”

    (He shrugs.)

    SONG: “Build Me Up Buttercup” – a male Whatnot (voice of Peter Friedman) sings in his living room (with two Whatnot backup singers popping up from behind the couch) while a stream of solicitors (encyclopedia salesman, vacuum cleaner salesman, girl scout selling cookies) and weirdos (Uncle Deadly, knock on his door – everyone BUT his girl. At the end, Behemoth shows up.


    Buttercup (voice): “Honey –-“

    (Behemoth’s mouth opens to reveal Buttercup opening it from the INSIDE!)

    Buttercup: “You’ll never believe the day I had.”

    (Behemoth closes his mouth, trapping her back inside.)

    BACKSTAGE: back by Kermit’s office, to the far left of Backstage Right, Scooter comes upon Gonzo fussing with a giant slingshot.

    Scooter: “Say Gonzo, can I talk to you for a minute?”

    Gonzo: “I’m kinda busy right now, Scooter. What’s on your mind?”

    Scooter: “Well, I’m –-“

    Gonzo: “Do you wanna hand me that wrench?”

    Scooter: “Sure.”

    (He does. Gonzo tightens the slingshot, grunting.)

    Scooter: “My teacher, Mrs. McIlhenny, gave us this homework assignment to interview one of our heroes.”

    Gonzo (stops): “And you picked ME?!”

    (Scooter nods.)

    Gonzo: “Gosh! What a compliment! I suppose I can spare a minute of my time, if you’re willing to help me out with this.”

    Scooter: “Sure! What is it?”

    Gonzo: “Well, it’s a rather sensational new act I’m doing: I slingshot myself through a flaming hoop and into the target…”
    (motions to target by Kermit’s desk by the intercom)
    “… while playing “Holiday for Strings” on the tuba.”

    (Scooter does a double take at Gonzo, then a take to the camera.)

    Gonzo: “Here, help me with this rig. You can ask me your questions.”

    Scooter: “Oh, okay.”

    (Gonzo puts on his helmet, and backs into the sling saddle.)

    Gonzo: “Pull it back real tight.”

    Scooter: “Gotcha. So…”
    “Who inspires you the most, and why?”

    Gonzo: “Why, I do! Shouldn’t it be obvious?”

    Scooter: “Uh, yeah… Uh --”

    Gonzo: “Pull it back tighter.”

    Scooter: “What’s the hardest lesson you’ve ever learned?”

    Gonzo: “Work without a net, or work without a helmet, but never both at the same time. Can’t you pull it any tighter back there?!”

    Scooter: “Tighter?!”

    Gonzo: “Tighter!”

    Scooter: “Okay!”

    Gonzo: “When I count three, you let go!”

    Scooter: “Ready!”

    Gonzo: “One… two… oh, hang on. I forgot my tuba.”

    (Gonzo leans down to pick it up. Scooter, still holding onto the slingshot, goes flying. We hear a thud and a splitting sound off screen.)

    Gonzo: “Okay, Scooter, I’m – gasp! You’re not supposed to do the act FOR me!”

    (Scooter wobbles in, woozy, carrying what’s left of the target around his neck. He tries to speak.)

    Scooter: “I –-“

    (He faints. Gonzo shakes his head.)

    Gonzo: “That’s stardom for ya: you get ‘em fainting dead at your feet!”

    (Gonzo looks down, then back at camera. His eyes bulge.)

    SONG: “Let’s Hang On” – Frankie sings to his begrudging girlfriend, Piggy (as an island princess), while the (Whatnot) tribe prepares to burn him at the stake.

    UK SPOT: “Goodbye, Cruel World (I’m Off to Join the Circus)” – Clown in circus backdrop with a Ringmaster, Showgirl, the Zucchini Brothers, and a gorilla who watches from a cage in the background.

    PLANET KOOZEBANE: Kermit interviews the Four Fazoobs, who give unintelligible, ‘musical’, and gestural answers to Kermit’s questions about Koozebanian music.

    (Waldorf shakes his head.)

    Waldorf: “Awful. What did you think?”

    Statler: “It’s spectacular!”

    Waldorf: “What?! You thought that was GOOD?!”

    Statler: “No, the answer to 15 across: it’s ‘spectacular’.”

    (S & W laugh.)

    BACKSTAGE: Scooter approaches Miss Piggy.

    Scooter: “Oh Miss Piggy!”

    Piggy: “Oh, Scooter.”

    Scooter: “Miss Piggy, I was wondering if I could interview you?”

    Piggy: “Vou? Interview moi? I only do press interviews.”

    Scooter: “Oh. My teacher, Mrs. McIlhenny, gave us an assignment to interview one of our heroes.”

    (Piggy stops, flattered.)

    Piggy: “Well, anything for higher education!
    “So, what do you want to ask me?”

    Scooter (reading): “What do you consider to be your greatest strengths?”

    Piggy: “Well, there’s my beauty, my acting chops, my karate – and I can bench 250!”

    Scooter (writing): “… can bench 250 —“

    Piggy: “Don’t print that! Just focus on my beauty and talent.”

    Scooter: “Uh-huh.”

    Piggy: “You DO think I’m beautiful and talented, don’t you?”

    Scooter: “Well, uh…”
    “Next question: what do you consider your greatest weaknesses?”

    Piggy: “… I don’t understand the question.”

    Scooter: “You know, things you struggle with, your personality flaws, things like that.”

    Piggy: “Moi? I do not have any personality flaws.”

    Scooter: “Everyone has personality flaws! There’s your obsession with Kermit –“

    Piggy: “THAT is mutual affection.”

    Scooter: “I think it’s more mutual for you than for him.”

    Piggy: “Why, you –“

    Scooter: “And what about your vanity?”

    Piggy: “Vanity?!”

    Scooter: “And there’s your notorious temper!”

    Piggy: “Oh, yeah?! I’ll show you temper! HI-YAH!”

    (She chops him, and exits in a huff. Scooter staggers to his feet.)

    Scooter: “Clearly, one should never underestimate a hero’s strength.”

    (He faints.)

    SONG: “She Can’t Find Her Keys” – Gonzo sings at Camilla’s front door, while she buries and assaults him with all manner of random objects.

    BACKSTAGE: Scooter tries to interview Sam the Eagle for his assignment.

    Sam: “Oh, at last! Someone, someone has finally joined the crusade against indecency and immorality. And I might have guessed that it would you, an impressionable young lad, on the cusp of adulthood, searching for a role model to mold you --”

    (Sam crushes Scooter to his side.)

    Sam: “—- as you prepare to take on a life that’s productive, and constructive!”

    Scooter: “Uh, Sam? Sam?”

    (Sam is squishing Scooter.)

    Sam: “Hmm? Oh, sorry.”

    (Sam lets go.)

    Sam: “Now then, lad, what ARE your goals?”

    Scooter: “Well, I was thinking of joining a rock band.”

    Sam: “… What?”

    Scooter: “Yeah, to have fun, and maybe meet some groovy chicks!”

    (Sam takes the paper out of Scooter’s hand and nonchalantly rips it in half.)

    Scooter: “Hey, you were supposed to HELP me!”

    Sam: “… I just did.”

    (Sam scoffs and grumbles as he skulks away. The Swedish Chef enters.)

    Scooter: “Oh, Chef! Maybe I could interview YOU for my project.”

    (The Chef says something unintelligible.)

    Scooter: “How’s that again?”

    (The Chef says something else unintelligible.)

    Scooter: “Boy, that’s the thing about heroes: sometimes they’re so mysterious, you can’t understand ‘em at ALL!”

    (The Chef nods to himself.)

    CLOSING NUMBER: "My Eyes Adored You" – Frankie & the Electric Mayhem in the bandstand set (red & purple lit background).

    GOODNIGHTS: Scooter has decided to do his essay about Frankie Valli.

    Scooter: “Mrs. McIlhenny is a big fan. With his autograph, maybe I can get extra credit!”

    (Frankie, Kermit, Scooter, Fozzie, Gonzo, Annie Sue, Clown, and Cute the Fazoob gather around.)

    (S & W have finished the crossword puzzle.)

    Waldorf: “I can’t think of when I’ve enjoyed the show more.”

    Statler: “Me either. Think we’ll ever match it?”

    Waldorf: “Of course – bring another crossword puzzle!”

    (S & W laugh.)

    One-shot character credits:
    50's girl, Buttercup: Louise
    Buttercup lead singer: Peter Friedman
    Clown, Buttercup backup singer: Jerry
    Buttercup backup singer: Richard

    I had to eliminate one of the embedded videos (no more than 5 pieces of media, there are 6 songs in this episode), so I just linked to "Build Me Up, Buttercup"; I figure it's the most widely recognized of the 6.

    Comments welcome.

    David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole
  2. Duke Remington

    Duke Remington Well-Known Member

    Which animals, creatures and monsters are in the opening number?
  3. Gorgon Heap

    Gorgon Heap Well-Known Member

    Hmm, well it's sort of a crowd scene. Remember Lola Falana's first number on TMS, where the crowd is below on the dance floor? That kind of thing.

    David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole
  4. Gorgon Heap

    Gorgon Heap Well-Known Member

    OK, amending previous reply since I could not go back and edit: Whatnots, pigs, Droop, Luncheon Counter Monster, Koozebanian Phoob, Flower-Eating Monster.

    In essence, it would be a composite shot, since between the crowd of dancers & the big monsters down below, and the Electric Mayhem on stage, there'd be more characters than there would be puppeteers to perform them.

    David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole

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