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TMS outline- Jose Feliciano!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Gorgon Heap, Aug 20, 2004.

  1. Gorgon Heap

    Gorgon Heap Well-Known Member

    Didn't think this one would come so quickly, but it did.

    For those of you who are saying "the name escapes me", Jose Feliciano is a Puerto Rican singer and guitarist whose most well-known hit in the U.S. was the Latin American Christmas tune "Feliz Navidad". Mostly he had his biggest successes covering other people's songs and putting his own spin on them.

    He worked with the Muppets once, on the Sesame Street album "The Stars Come Out on Sesame Street", on which he sang "A World Without Music" with the kids.

    Also, I didn't find this out until recently, but Feliciano is blind (which is probably why he, like Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles, nearly always wears sunglasses).

    Here then, submitted for your approval:

    "It's The Muppet Show, with our very special guest star Jose Feliciano! Yaaayyy!"


    STYLE: THIRD SEASON (circa Marisa Berenson, Raquel Welch episodes)

    COLD OPENING: Scooter knocks, sticks his head in.

    Scooter: “Jose Feliciano! 30 seconds to curtain Mr. Feliciano!”

    Jose: “Thank you Scooter.”

    Scooter: “Everything all right so far?”

    Jose: “Oh sure, I’m just relaxing and putting my feet up.”

    Scooter: “Um, putting your feet up on what?”

    Jose: “This footrest here.”

    Scooter: “Oh, I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

    Jose: “Why not?”

    The footrest (hassock from ‘Furniture Monsters’ sketch in Vincent Price episode) growls. Jose moves his feet off.

    Jose: “Do you think I’ll have a problem with the rest of the furniture?”

    There is a chorus of “No” throughout the room.

    Scooter: “Well, you heard ‘em.”

    Jose: “Yeah. That was the furniture talking, right?”

    Scooter: “Uh-huh.”

    Jose: “Oh, that’s a relief. Only time talking furniture will ever be a relief!”

    BACKSTAGE: Beauregard rushes in.

    Beauregard: “Does anyone have the time?” A Grandfather clock falls from the ceiling.

    GONZO: The trumpet sounds before Gonzo puts it to his lips.

    Gonzo (to trumpet): “You jumped the gun.”

    Curtain: Kermit enters.

    Kermit: “Thank you, thank you, and welcome again to The Muppet Show. I have some good news and bad news. First the bad news: Statler & Waldorf are going to be doing a number on the show tonight. But the good news is that our guest star is that international recording star Jose Feliciano!”

    Statler & Waldorf are in the wings yelling criticisms at Kermit. They make their comments from the wings throughout the show.

    OPENING NUMBER: “Wonderful Copenhagen”- Link & the pigs do a Danish number, singing and waltzing in the old town square outside the tavern.

    WINGS: Statler & Waldorf watch the pigs return from the stage.

    Waldorf: “Ah, that’s the only thing worse than a stale Danish.”

    Statler: “What’s that?”

    Waldorf: “A stale Danish musical number!”

    S & W: “Ha ha ha ha ha!”

    BACKSTAGE: The pigs come off stage.

    Kermit: “Good number, pigs! Good number.” (to camera) “Could these figures be described as Copenhogs?” (He laughs to himself.)

    Marvin Suggs enters and tells Kermit that he wants to perform with Jose. Statler & Waldorf watch the whole ordeal, seated among the props (a la the Valerie Harper episode of TMS).

    Kermit: “Well, I don’t know if Jose would really go for your style of performance.”

    Marvin: “Why not? He is a brilliant musician!”

    Kermit: “That’s one reason.”

    Marvin: “You make a’ fun?” (Marvin hits him with a mallet.)

    Kermit: “Marvin, someone should tell you not to bite the hand that feeds you, or to be more to the point, not to hit the head of the frog who signs your paycheck.”

    Marvin: “Oh! Of course! A thousands pardons! Nice froggie!” (He kisses Kermit’s head.)

    Kermit: “Tell you what: I’ll leave it up to Jose. If it’s okay with him, it’s okay with me.”

    Marvin: “Wonderful! Do not a‘ worry. Marvin, he make a‘ excellent a‘ case a‘.” (He exits.)

    Statler: “Uh-oh! That was a mistake, frog.”

    Waldorf: “Yeah. If you want to keep your guest star, don’t give the maniac an audience with him!”

    Statler: “That doesn’t really narrow it down, does it?”

    S & W: “Ha ha ha ha ha!”

    SONG: “A World Without Music”- Jose and the Electric Mayhem with the chorus girls (from the James Coco & Helen Reddy episodes) (bandstand set, lit deep purple & pink)

    WINGS: The band and chorus girls are returning from the stage.

    Waldorf: “Say, what do you think the world would be like without music?”

    Statler: “I’m more interested in a world without The Muppet Show!”

    S & W: “Ha ha ha ha ha!”

    SWEDISH CHEF: the Chef’s attempt to make venison is short-lived as he is trampled and thrashed by a buck. The buck leaves. The Swedish Chef gets up, woozy.

    Chef: “Ooh deer...”

    He faints.

    MUPPET LABS: Bunsen invents the Automatic Laundry Folder. Unfortunately for Beaker, while he’s putting more laundry in the pile, he himself gets folded (of course).

    WINGS: Bunsen carries a folded-up Beaker off the stage.

    Statler: “Boo!”

    Waldorf: “Hiss!”

    Statler: “Awful!”

    Waldorf: “Funny!”

    Statler looks at him curiously.

    Waldorf: “I mean terrible!”

    Statler nods.

    BACKSTAGE: Bunsen complains to Kermit. Others join in.

    Bunsen: “Mr. Kermit, I protest the presence of those gentlemen over there.”

    Floyd: “Yeah. It’s bad enough that we have to take that abuse when we’re on stage, but why should we have to take it backstage?”

    Fozzie: “Yeah!”

    Kermit: “Well guys, it’s all part of the price we’re paying. I’m hoping that if they get their shot on the show, then maybe they’ll be nicer to us from now on.”

    Floyd: “...I wouldn’t put a dime on that bet.”

    They leave.

    CANTEEN: Sweetums is leading Jose around the theater, and they’re both ordering from the canteen when Marvin Suggs enters with the Muppaphones. After a brief demonstration, Jose says no thanks. Marvin is not happy.

    Marvin: “Can you not see that I am holding this very PAINFUL mallet?”

    Jose: “No. I can’t see at all, remember?”

    Marvin: “Well zen, you will not see zis coming!”

    Marvin swings and Sweetums grabs the mallet and swings Marvin into the wall.

    MUPPET NEWS: “Here is a Muppet Newsflash! A recent embargo on imported fresh fruit has led to widespread dumping of the imported produce. AAAHH!”

    Fruit falls on the Newsman. When he gets up from behind the desk, the fruit on his head is arranged a la Carmen Miranda.

    BACKSTAGE: Kermit laments to Piggy (who is wearing a cowgirl outfit) about all the people trying to worm their way into the show. She is sympathetic, until she finds out that her big number isn’t in the show until next week. Needless to say, she gets what she wants.

    SONG: “These Boots are made for Walking”- Piggy sings in a Western type bar, surrounded by the male pigs. When she gets up on the bar and on the tables, she steps on or kicks everyone in the joint.

    UK SPOT: “A Horse with no Name”- Muppet cowboys on horseback

    BACKSTAGE: Jose is on next with his song “Rain” ('it‘s raining, it‘s pouring, the old man is snoring...'), but he needs an old man for the song. Kermit looks over at Statler & Waldorf.

    Kermit: “How would you like TWO? Hey someone get these guys ready for the next number!”

    Some monsters pull up a screen and do a quick, forced costume change on Statler & Waldorf.

    SONG: “Rain”- Jose & the Muppet kids, with Statler & Waldorf (in old-time nightgowns and stocking caps) After the number:

    Waldorf (he and Statler are still on stage): “Why are they doing this to us?”

    Statler groans.

    Waldorf: “We should’ve stayed in bed. Heh heh.”

    Statler: “No, we should’ve stayed at home!”

    S & W: “Heh heh heh heh!”

    BACKSTAGE: The monsters help Statler & Waldorf with another quick costume change.

    SONG: “Charleston”- Statler & Waldorf do a Vaudeville song and dance number

    BACKSTAGE: Statler & Waldorf congratulate each other but then start bickering about who missed what step. Fortunately, at this point the Koozebanians make their entrance to the stage and S & W shift their focus.

    Waldorf: “Look at that, Statler! Aren’t those the worst looking crustaceans you’ve ever seen?”

    Statler: “I reserve judgment.”

    Waldorf: “Till when?”

    Statler: “Till I can get my hands on a bottle of cocktail sauce!”

    S & W: “Ha ha ha ha ha ha!”

    PIGS IN SPACE: invasion of the Koozebanians

    CLOSING NUMBER: “Feliz Navidad”- Jose sings with the band in a Christmas set, but over in the wings, Beauregard can’t quite figure out what holiday it’s supposed to be, so he ends up sending on:

    -Pigs dressed as Pilgrims and Native Americans, complete with a live turkey on a platter

    -Monsters with a jack-o-lantern

    -Gonzo as the Easter Bunny

    -Scooter as Cupid

    -Sam the Eagle as Uncle Sam for Independence Day: “This is ridiculous. I am leaving!”

    -Link (in party clothes): “Happy New Year!”

    -Marvin Suggs for Cinco de Mayo

    Finally, the number is saved by the late arrival of Santa Thog and some reindeer.

    CURTAIN: Kermit enters.

    Kermit: “Well, we’ve made it through another show, and we all know who we have to thank for that!”

    Waldorf (off-stage): “Thank you!”

    Statler (he and Waldorf walking on-stage): “You’re too much!”

    Kermit: “I am not too much, and you two are not who I was going to thank. As I was saying, let’s have a warm thank you for our very special guest star Jose Feliciano!”

    Jose enters with Sweetums.

    Jose: “Thank you, Kermit. I’ve had a great time.”

    Statler: “Hmmph! Easy for you to say!”

    Jose: “Hey listen you two, aren’t you ever going to stop criticizing this show?”

    Statler & Waldorf look at each other for a moment.

    S & W: “NO WAY, JOSE! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!”

    Kermit: “Good grief. We’ll see you next time on The Muppet Show!”

    Jose, Kermit, Piggy (cowgirl outfit), Scooter (normal clothes), Beauregard, Link (normal clothes), Marvin Suggs, Sweetums, a kid, a male pig (chorus tux), and Statler & Waldorf gather around.

    STAGE DOOR: Statler & Waldorf are exiting the theater.

    Statler: “Well, how’d you like seeing the show from a new angle?”

    Waldorf: “It’s still looks just as bad as the first angle!”

    S & W: “Ha ha ha ha ha ha!”

    Gimme your comments.

    David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole
    LipsGF4Life likes this.
  2. Skeeter Muppet

    Skeeter Muppet Well-Known Member

    Oh, that last pun was so bad it was almost painful...and yet so worthy of the Muppets. More great work, Gorgon. Can't wait until the next one.

  3. Gorgon Heap

    Gorgon Heap Well-Known Member

    Which one?

    David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole
  4. Gorgon Heap

    Gorgon Heap Well-Known Member

    Waaah! :cry: I'm all grumbling and disappointed that I haven't gotten more replies to this. I've seen the number of views but no one's saying anything. :(

    Any comments anyone? Good, bad, or indifferent? I just like to know, as Ed Koch would say "How'm I doin'?" I've been feeling good about these last couple of outlines, feeling like I'm sharpening my style, but I need the feedback to know what people think of it and if there's something that doesn't work or something that works very well.

    So please, keep them comments rolling! Rawhide!

    David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole
  5. JaniceFerSure

    JaniceFerSure Well-Known Member

    I still think your one creative talent David.Great job. Hope you make some episodes on some of the stars that I've chosen. :: batting eyes :::) I'm very happy your choosing a lot of the old classic stars that were/are well appreciated for their humor as well as talents.
  6. Gorgon Heap

    Gorgon Heap Well-Known Member

    Which stars had you chosen?

    If you look like Jennifer Connelly, keep batting your eyes. :)

    David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole
  7. McFraggle

    McFraggle Well-Known Member

    Very good work.
  8. JaniceFerSure

    JaniceFerSure Well-Known Member

    Well,I already made a fan-fic for Jerry Lewis(my idol next to Jim Henson). There are so many: Nathalie Wood,James Stewart,Jack Lemmon,Jack Warden,Elizabeth Montgomery,Rod Serling,Mel Blanc.
  9. Gorgon Heap

    Gorgon Heap Well-Known Member

    Ooo! Jack Warden would certainly work!

    Right now I've got a few that are close to complete (though I'm a bit stuck): Elliott Gould and Gordon Lightfoot. Hit a wall working on my Buddy Hackett outline.

    Was thinking about Jimmy Stewart this morning, I recalled your mentioning him. Oddly enough, I have a very hard time picturing him on TMS.

    There are some celebs who passed away pre-TMS who I think would've been great on it, like Jack Benny, Spike Jones, Jim Croce, and especially Cass Elliot. I suppose they could exist in fanfic form though.

    David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole
  10. Congradulations on another great TMS outline, Dave.

    BTW, the reindeer you mentioned in the closing number...I hope that you're referring to the reindeer from "The Ed Sullivan Show".

    Also, I'd like to propose ideas and stuff that maybe you could use in future outlines. Let me know if you'd like me to share them with you.
  11. The Count

    The Count Moderator Staff Member

    Good one Gorgon Heap.
    So, what did I like?
    1 The use of Marvin Suggs trying to get an audience with Jose Feliciano.
    2 Statler and Waldorf pestering everybody from the wings.
    3 The mixups during the closing number.
    However, there are a couple of musical numbers I would've prefered. One of them would've been a performance of Jose's version of "Light My Fire". That's the only other song of his I know, it has a slower soothing guitar when compared to the original by the doors. Also, didn't know he's blind. Thought he still had his sight intact. Well, look forward to the next one.
  12. Gorgon Heap

    Gorgon Heap Well-Known Member

    Re-wrote the beginning just slightly:

    COLD OPENING: Scooter knocks, sticks his head in.

    Scooter: “Jose Feliciano! 30 seconds to curtain Mr. Feliciano!”

    Jose: “Thank you Scooter.”

    Scooter: “Everything all right so far?”

    Jose: “Oh sure, I’m just relaxing and putting my feet up.”

    Scooter: “Um, putting your feet up on what?”

    Jose: “This footrest here.”

    Scooter: “Oh, I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

    Jose: “Why not?”

    The footrest (hassock from ‘Furniture Monsters’ sketch in Vincent Price episode) growls. Jose moves his feet off.

    Jose: “Do you think I’ll have a problem with the rest of the furniture?”

    There is a chorus of responses throughout the room- “Naw, that’s all right” “No problem” “You’re good with us, Jose”

    Jose does a take at the camera.

    BACKSTAGE: Beauregard rushes in.

    Beauregard: “Does anyone have the time?” A Grandfather clock falls from the ceiling.

    GONZO: The trumpet sounds before Gonzo puts it to his lips. Gonzo looks surprised.

    Working on two more outlines currently- BUDDY HACKETT (still slow going) and LEE REMICK (which is coming surprisingly fast).

    David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole
  13. Princeton

    Princeton Guest

    Couple of comments here:

    1. I felt terrible that I beat you to writing a Gene Wilder and Burl Ives outline; I would've mentioned Tom Jones too, but to be honest I'd rather forget about that one. The reason I bring that up is because I'm interested in writing a Jim Croce outline, but I'd feel bad if I beat you to another one. I had considered doing a Jack Benny one, but I know so little about him that I ultimately decided against it.

    2. The first outline I submitted was Louis Armstrong; it was a good enough one, but I only got one reply to it. It was from Boober Gorg, informing me that Louis had died before TMS. I was fully aware of that and had hoped no one would notice. But BG stood to prove me wrong; that's why my first outline was so disasterous. Just looking out for ya.
  14. mikebennidict

    mikebennidict Well-Known Member

    anyone remember when he was on Sesame Street? i posted about him in a trhread about geust appearances on the show in the SS section though it's probablyt quite a ways back.
  15. Which monsters do the forced costume change Statler & Waldorf?

    Any specific muppet kids in that number, such as Robin and Mary Louise?

    Which monsters do THIS costume change on the two?

    Which Koozebanians appear?

    Are the reindeer in this number the same ones that starred in the "Christmas Reindeers" sketch on "The Perry E. Como Christmas Show" and "The Ed Sullivan Show"?
  16. Beauregard

    Beauregard Well-Known Member

    Loved it!

    As usual!

    Bring on more.
  17. Daffyfan4ever

    Daffyfan4ever Well-Known Member

    Really good. I especially liked the closing number with Beauregard constantly changing scenery. I'd hate to be with his family during the holiday season. Lol.
  18. TotallySpiesFan

    TotallySpiesFan Well-Known Member

    Behemoth and Luncheon Counter Monster.

    Just whatnot kids that were the same ones from the Alice Cooper episode.

    Behemoth and Luncheon Counter Monster.

    A fish-like Fazoob, a male Koozebanian, a trumpet-nosed Fazoob, and two baby Koozebanians.

    Nope, just live reindeer.
  19. Beauregard

    Beauregard Well-Known Member

    Oh. Thanks. Humph. I shan't invite you then!

    (And Gorgan, lovely Beau moments as always)
  20. Gorgon Heap

    Gorgon Heap Well-Known Member

    Luncheon Counter Monster, Boppity, and Gloat.

    Nope, just Whatnot kids.

    Same as above.

    Fish-like Koozebanian, Phoob, silver-headed monster (from the Alice Cooper band) and Chopped Liver Monster.

    I guess. Either that or the (virtually) inanimate ones from "The Great Santa Claus Switch". They wouldn't be doing much of anything, regardless.

    And Beauregard, Bo doesn't continually change the scenery, he just keeps sending on all of those characters. The setting is a sort of Christmas-y living room (albeit a large one).

    David "Gorgon Heap" Ebersole

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